Hi Swistle.
I’ve enjoyed reading examples of your expertise, and I hope you’ll be able to bestow some on us as well.
We are expecting a baby girl in January… a long pined for baby sister after two older brothers. For as long as we have desired this girl, you would think we would have a name ready to use! But the opposite has proven to be true…finding the “perfect” name has been difficult due to the pressure.
Our two boys both have family maiden names as their first name and family first names as their middle names: Crosby Stephen and Miller James.
My original desire was for our girl name to assuredly sound feminine while also honoring a family member(s). Our original top two contenders were Lula or Evelyn, but do to unsolicited negative feedback from both of our parents, we’ve fallen out of love with those.
Lately, we are liking Lanier. Although not officially a family name, it seems that it could “count” as a spin-off of Lane which is a family name. (Or is this too far of a stretch?). One concern, however, is whether or not it sounds feminine enough. What are your thoughts? I do like that “Lanier” matches our boys in terms of having surnames as first names.
Additionally, I love the name Phoebe as a middle name (after my mom), but my husband does not love the idea of having of using a family name that is THAT close to us (relationally and generationally).
Do you think Lanier Phoebe Thorson is too much of a mouthful? Or could we go the Phoebe Lanier Thorson route and still call her Lanier?
Or do you have any other suggestions to add to the pot??
Thanks so much,
Melissa
I was not sure how to pronounce the name Lanier, so I looked it up: luh-NEER. It sounds slightly more feminine than masculine to me, and the spelling looks slightly more feminine than masculine to me, but not enough to make me confident. In the U.S. in 2015, there were 9 new baby girls and 5 new baby boys named Lanier.
People are going to be all over the spectrum on this, but for me, if Crosby and Miller are the actual family surnames, I would not feel satisfied with Lanier-which-is-similar-to-Lane for the third child. I would, however, strongly consider the name Lane. The nickname Laney gives you a prettier and more girlish option for everyday use. Lane Evelyn would be pretty, and give you Laney-Lyn as well. I’ve found, too, that I call Elizabeth by a lot of middle names that aren’t hers: for example, Elizabeth Louise, Elizabeth Sue, Elizabeth Marie, Elizabeth Josephine. I can picture you calling her Laney-Lou and getting a little of that Lula sound you liked.
Another option is to use Evelyn Lane and wait for the grandparents to come around. I’m sorry they ruined the name for you. I wish people would not do that, when generational differences in naming styles are so standard: your parents presumably didn’t want to use THEIR parents’ naming style either. I am already practicing keeping my mouth shut about my grandchildren’s names, and trusting that I will come around. (And that even if I never do come around, the name is STILL not my decision.)
I like Phoebe, and it seems very pleasing to honor your mother. Are your first two children’s family names much more distant? Was your husband’s mother’s/father’s/brother’s/sister’s name ruled out at some point, so that he feels it wouldn’t be fair to use a closer name from your side?
I don’t think Lanier Phoebe Thorson is too much of a mouthful, or that you would very often say the whole name aloud like that. I like Lane Phoebe Thorson even better. I see no advantages and several disadvantages to switching to Phoebe Lanier Thorson and calling her Lanier.
For more options, I’d point you back to the family tree. Since both boys have all family names, I would place a high priority on doing the same for this baby. Normally I prefer names of relatives who are known by and special to the parents—but if your husband prefers some distance, that works in your favor by giving you more generations to look through.
Name update:
Hi Swistle!!
Our baby girl was born this week, and we are smitten with all 9 lbs 2 ounces of her. We ended up going with the honor name of Phoebe (maternal grandmother’s first name) Lane (paternal grandmother middle name) Thorson. Thanks so much for the help of yours and your readers’ suggestions!!!Best,
Melissa Thorson
I think Lula is becoming more well known (not in a Top 1000 popular, but with a recent celebrity naming her daughter Lula and personally knowing one other person who named her baby Lula, I believe it to be a name that is becoming more known at least)…so perhaps that’s one to reconsider?
Also, Evelyn is beautiful. Personally, you have to go with a name YOU like. If your parents or your husband’s parents don’t like it, oh well. I think with names like Crosby and Miller, you do need either a clearly feminine name, or a very much feminine gender-neutral name. I think Evelyn Lane or Phoebe Lula or Lula Lane are all adorable contenders.
Evie is also nice to shorten Evelyn.
Or, if you wanted to go for a name that could be shortened to Lula, like Louisa Lane, or a name that could be shortened to Lane, like Eliane or Eliana….I’d be in favor of those.
I would have never pronounced Lanier luh-NEER. Maybe it’s because I’m from Canada, but the -ier is generally an ‘ee-A’ or ‘yay’ sound. I would say Lan-yay. Either way (I’m sure others will say my pronunciation is ‘wrong’ too) you’ll be setting her up for having to pronounce her name a lot and repeat it a few times when heard. Not quite the familiar yet uncommon enough vibe as your boy names.
I do agree that using a verbatim family name would be ideal. Lane says boy to me, especially with Crosby and Miller. But, if it’s the best one you have, Laney definitely feminizes it. Or could you do a hyphenated first, like Tessa-Lane or Zara-Lane?
Shame about the unsolicited advice. I understand not being able to revive love for a name after that. You seem to like the L names, how about Lilou or Lucille or Linnea? Good luck! I love your boy names!
Ditto most of this. I would also have thought Lanier would be pronounced “LAN-ee-ay”, which I far prefer over the “Luh-NEER” pronunciation. But I’m putting in a strong vote for just “Lane” which to me is much simpler, prettier and more feminine than Lanier. Also for some reason, even in the age of surnames-as-first-names, Lanier sounds to me like the name of a company more than a person.
So, my vote is just for Lane Phoebe or Phoebe Lane. But if you really want to change Lane a bit to feminize it, what about: Elaine, Madeleine, Leilani, Charlaine, Delaney, Lana, Lorraine, Layne.
Agree. I am also from Canada but I would have assumed it is pronounced Lan-yay, more French spelling. So when I read Lanier Phoebe Thorson, I thought it sounded quite good. If it was pronounced as Swistle stated, Luh-neer, I’m not sure how I feel… I’ve never heard it before. I guess I’m neutral to it. But in reality, my opinion doesn’t overly matter!! It’s how you both feel about it! I think in terms of it being a sort-of honor name from Lane – that is also up to about whether you feel it is close enough to honor or not. I do like swistles suggestion of using Laney and pulling out cute nn like Laney Lou!
Otherwise, maybe it is time to break the maiden name and just use a first name that you both love!!! It’s easier to break trends when you go between genders. You could still use an honor middle name as well.
Good luck. For what it’s worth, I like Evelyn. Maybe this time don’t tell your parents the name you’ve chosen?
I don’t really care for Lanier and I do t think it will strike people as feminine like you would prefer. I agree Lane is much better and the nickname Laney is adorable. I would also hesitate about modifying the surname for a girl when you did not for the boys, especially when the actual surname does get used for girls. Could be interpreted in a negative way as far as perceived value of expectations for your daughter vs. her brothers.
Evelyn is lovely and I strongly encourage you to reconsider. Grandparents often don’t care for names that are current. However, I think you will find that people of your generation and your daughters peers find Evelyn to be totally acceptable. Of course, this is assuming that the objections are based on the style of the name and not some kind of family conflict or something.
Phoebe is lovely and I think it’s fine in the middle spot. I can sort of see your husbands argument as a point against the name in the first spot, but it’s not problematic for me in the middle. Perhaps another option would be to use a similar name? Something like Josephine or Fiona would share the “Fi” nickname with Phoebe. You could also do a “Bea” name like Beatrice.
Lane is lovely—strong yet feminine, well known but currently only rarely used, and more timeless feeling than 99% of other surname names used for girls. Bonus: Lane T—–n is also great, as is Lane Phoebe. Lane Evelyn gives the initials LET, which is neither here nor there, I suppose.
Lanier does seem feminine but much less of an honor than Lane or the boys’ names. I also have no idea how to pronounce it! I said LAN-yer when I saw it– like lanyard without the D.
Agreed. I would have pronounced it lan-yer like lanyard. I much prefer lane
Listen to Swistle!! :) I think she got this one exactly right. I think Lane is a really lovely first name for a girl, and I just definitely wouldn’t dilute it to Lanier. For one thing, Lanier is a well-known last name, at least where I’m from, and people will assume based on your sons, that it’s a last name for your family. You’d have to explain that departure a lot, I think.
I also love Phoebe and Lula. Evelyn is a bit too popular for my tastes, but it’s certainly a nice name. I think a granddaughter named for her grandmother is the greatest of things. Overall, if I were you, I’d go with some combo of Lane, Phoebe, and Lula. Or go back to the family tree, as Swistle suggested. Good luck!
Lane!!! LANE!!!
Lane Phoebe is delightful. Lane Evelyn is also awesome.
Lane would be wonderful. It’s so elegant! Lane Thorsen. Crosby, Miller, and Lane.
I think you’ve struck gold.
I’m from Indiana so I knew Lanier would be pronounced Lanier due to its name in our history. But to use it is going to invite Lane-yer, Laney-ear, and Lonny-yay as mispronunciations. No worries at all with Lane, and then you’ll have perfect family symmetry.
should say, I knew it would sound like Luh-neer. Duh.
I live in a pocket of Laniers. I know several of all ages. All female. Even though I live in an area that has French influences, its definitely pronounced in an English manner rather than French. So it’s a pretty common name around here.
Lake Lanier is a huge lake near Atlanta…so that of course was the first thing to come to mind. I’m not sure where you live, but if it is anywhere near the state of GA, I wouldn’t use the name as that will be the only thing people thing about. It’s also known as a deadly lake (we have a lot of deaths there each year)…so that negative connotation would ruin it for me. Agree with the advice from the other commenters!
Yes, I grew up in Georgia and if you are anywhere near that state, the connection with the lake will follow her for life. It is too close a tie imo.
I just googled “deaths at lake” and the first autocomplete was “lanier”. Yikes!
Interesting–I am from DC and our longtime police chief (recently departed to work for the NFL) was Cathy Lanier (pronounced Luh-NEER) so that’s my association with the name. She is very well-known in the city, but unless OP lives here now I assume the association will dim by the time her child is old enough for that to be an issue.
I like Lane though.
If you are going for feminine than neither Lanier or Lane work for me. I would go back to the drawing board on this one. Evelyn is lovely and Lula is spunky, but I understand how frustrating negative comments can be (my Clover is almost two and my dad referred to her name as a cow name just two days ago–enough already!).
I think there must be something else in you the family history. If you make an account on https://familysearch.org/ for free, it might open up a world of possibilities if the name only has to be on the family tree, not necessarily honoring a beloved and well-known relative. (That works–my husband didn’t like my top picks for a family middle for our last baby so I threw out some other names on the family tree and when he fell in love with one, I did a bunch of research on that ancestor and found out that she was amazing and I was more than happy to use her name. It was doubly pleasing; my husband picked my daughter’s whole name, which was special to me, and I still got the family connection I wanted and learned some family history in the bargain.)
Oh my goodness please pick Lane!! I am so envious that it is a family name for you to use!! Love it!
I think Lanier will lead to her correcting the pronunciation of her name for the rest of her life…I love Lane, however, and would use that for sure. If Lane is the real surname, it would fit in perfectly, especially with a more feminine middle name, such as Phoebe or Evelyn.
Also, since this baby is a different gender, I think you could get away with changing the tradition up a little bit if you needed to in order to settle on a name you love.
Best of luck!
I would have no idea how to pronounce Lanier. I like Lane, and Laney is quite feminine. If you want a more feminine first name though, what I would do is to reverse the “family surname, family first name” order. Only because surnames tend to be less frilly in general so that could open up your possibilities without reducing the options for honoring. Lane would be a lovely middle name with so many different first names.
My last name is very much like Lanier, in that it end with ier and has one syllable before it – we pronounce it with eer at the end too. It is constantly mispronounced and misspelled and even people whom I have know a long time (my grandparents for example, and I’ve been married 10 years) seem to forget how to pronounce it. With that said, there is a large lake in GA called Lake Lanier and if you live in that general area, most everybody will pronounce it correctly. ;) I do LOVE Laney for you (or Delaney or Elana or etc etc) but Lane does read more masculine for me. Good luck! Let us know what you pick!
I see this has been expressed a bunch already, but I love Lane! And the nickname Laney.
Lanier strikes me as problematic in a lot of ways: it’s not obviously feminine (which you said you wanted), it’s way harder to pronounce/spell than your boys’ names (I would never have gotten to LuhNEER), it’s much more obscure than your sons’ names, and it doesn’t seem like much of an honor name to me, since it’s pronounced nothing like Lane. If the actual family name were Lanier, and if you WANTED a gender-ambiguous name, I’d say go for it. Or if it were your first-choice name — well, I still think it would have a lot of problems, but at least you’d have your love of the name going for it. But it seems like a name you’ve just sort of settled on, so I think you need to keep looking.
Even Lane sounds masculine to me, but at least it takes care of the other issues. If Lane is the surname you want to honor for your daughter, how about Elaine or Delaney? But really, there’s no reason to settle on Lane, so I agree with Swistle that you should keep scouring the tree. And just because your boys have surnames as first names, that doesn’t mean your daughter does. I think a first name from the family tree would be equitable, given that a) surnames are more popular for boys than for girls, and b) the well of family-surnames-appropriate-as-first-names can’t be expected to flow freely forever.
I really like the double-first name suggestion. Mary Lane, Ava Lane, Sarah Lane… aren’t those classy??
Oh, and as for the Phoebe question, I love the name Phoebe, but your husband doesn’t like it so what’s the point of trying to decide on whether to put it first or second? Really, it sounds like the best option is to scrap Phoebe and Lanier and open the field again.
One last thing — Evelyn is lovely (and perfectly standard nowadays), and I think it’s funny that you like Evelyn and Lula, because my husband’s grandmother was Evelyn, nicknamed Lulu. So if you can get over the negative reaction, you could name her Evelyn and use Lula as a nickname!
Lane is so pretty, especially with the sibling group and with your surname. Please go with it!
Issue #1 with Lanier is definitely the pronunciation. I went to school near Atlanta’s Lake Lanier (luh-NEER) and live in the city where Cathy Lanier (same pronunciation) was police chief, so that name is definitely pronounced in a particular way, by my presumption.
But then there’s issue #2: If you tell me Lanier is intended to honor a Lane, then I can adjust the pronunciation accordingly, but then it seems like a name intended to one-up the original. Analogy: “My grandmother’s name was Rose, so we’re naming our daughter Rosier!”
Lane reads as feminine to me, Lanier does not. It also maintains some diversity in the ending sounds of your kids’ names!
I had guessed that Lanier rhymed with Mt. Rainier (so that it sounded like LAY-near… which could be awkwardly suggestive… very glad it’s pronounced differently!).
Because your lovely and precious girl would constantly be correcting the majority of people she meets AND Lanier isn’t your actual family name, my vote would be to go back to your family tree if you don’t like Lane as it is.
I only know one Lane; he’s in his late twenties and is the picture of a lumberjack. But I agree with other posters that Lane can feel totally feminine if paired with another girl name… Phoebe Lane is gorgeous. I’ve heard Penny Lane from a lot of Beatles fans, too.
You’re close to having a name that gives you the same snuggly, bursting with joy, fabulous feel as thinking about your darling daughter. Keep at it! You’re good namers!
Best wishes!
Has anyone suggested the spelling of Laine? Does that help the folks that find Lane feeling too masculine?
I was about to suggest this! I think the “i” in there really feminizes it. Maybe that’s because the only Lane I know is male and the only Laine I know is female, but to me it looks softer and brighter and much more complete.
I LOVE Lane! Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls cemented for me: a spunky but sweet teenage girl. And the name brings to mind pretty lanes in the woods, covered in fall leaves perhaps, for me. I love Lane. I love Lane. It is a family name, it is a feminine name, and it is a lovely name. (And it may also be considered a surname name? I have encountered Lane families before.) Have I convinced you? :)
I see someone already suggested Delaney nn Lane or Laney, so I’m going to second it. Love it and very feminine. Lane is great too, though I would probably spell it differently if you want it to look more feminine (Laine, Layne). I’ve loved it, though, since Gilmore Girls as that character is so great.
Just want to express a difference of opinion from others who say Lane feels feminine. I only know boys named Lane and very much think of it as a boy name. Also, I think of the movie Better Off Dead (which, of course, nobody your child’s age will have heard of unless they have parents like me who quote it regularly). The main character in that movie is a teenage boy named Lane. I want my two dollars! Sorry–movie quoting not necessary. Ricky, sorry I blew up your mom. Okay, I’ll stop. Love that movie and quite like the name but I like it much more for a boy.
That movie is the BEST. FRAHNCH bread FRAHNCH dressing!
I love Lane Evelyn!!! Evelyn Lane is nice, too. I knew a Madeleine who went by Lane and thought it worked well. I would not be very confident about the pronunciation or the gender of Lanier, if I encountered that name without any context.
I agree with Swistle about using Lane instead of Lanier. I think it combines well with Phoebe or Evelyn as a first or middle.
Evelyn Lane
Lane Evelyn <– I like this order slightly better
Phoebe Lane <– And this one
Lane Phoebe
Before I got to Swistle’s response, I thought to myself, “Ooooh I hope she picks Lane!” I love that idea and (to me anyway) Lane reads feminine. To echo many other commenters, I had no idea how to pronounce Lanier and I don’t think it’s nearly as promising as some of your other options.
I do feel bad that your parents “ruined” other names for you though. Were their comments really bad enough to cross those off the list? The stubborn child in me wants you to stick to your guns and name the baby Evelyn.
I also love Lane as-is, either as a first or middle name. I like that it is easily recognizable but not too common, like your boys names. You could easily pair it with a super-feminine name, such as Lane Isabella or Natalie Lane.
I second the idea of using Lane, Lane Evelyn is beautiful! I used to work with a woman named Lane, spelled Layne. Does that spelling change your opinion at all? Good luck and congrats on your girl!
I haven’t read all the comments, so forgive me if I’m saying something that has already been said, but I LOVE the name Lane for a girl. It was on our list (but we had a boy). You’re so fortunate to have such good family names.
Lane Phoebe is perfect. Plus the Beetles’ “Penny Lane” would be such a cute song for your daughter to have as “hers.” (I have “Michelle, my belle” and always loved it growing up). And, as already mentioned, Lane Kim is a great association, too.
Your boys got REAL family names, so I think it’s only fair to give a real family name to your daughter. Lane clearly skews female to me, but others seem to know Lane’s of both genders. Personally, I wouldn’t be worried about that at all. Lane, Laney, Lane Evelyn, Lane Phoebe: all are fabulous. You don’t need to change the spelling to make it more feminine. Like others, I wouldn’t know your preferred pronunciation for Lanier, so it would be confusing as well as diluting the real name. If you LOVED it, I would say go for it, but that’s not the vibe I got. I’m totally on team Lane.
I’ll be the one to go a different route and offer some new name suggestions – on the off chance you and your husband don’t like Lane or Laney. Like I said above in a previous comment, being as this is a girl, I think now would be an appropriate time to break trend if you can’t find a family name you like and just choose a first name because you love it. You can still have an honor name for middle name if you like.
Eleanor
Juliet
Rose or Rosalie
Esme (ez-Mae)
Brigitte
Vivian
Vera
What if you name her Evelyn but call her Eve or Evie?? Sigh. I still love this name and a little Evie Thorson is to die for!!
Good luck!!
I would not pronounce Lanier correctly. I thought it was “Lane-ee-year” all the way through the letter until Swistle discussed pronunciation.
I LOVE Evelyn. Love, love, love it. I wanted to use it but was vetoed by my husband who had a negative association so we have Eleanor, which is also a family name on both sides. Anyway, I want to encourage you to use Evelyn because it’s such a lovely name. Feminine without being frilly, goes beautifully with the sibling names. I also like Lane on its own.
I think you should find a first name you both love (or at least haven’t vetoed) and use Lane or Phoebe as a middle name.
Just popping in to comment that I too love Lane! I think it’s a great name, fits your criteria, and is perfectly feminine with a middle name like Evelyn or Phoebe. I like it on its own, but love it even more because of the Gilmore Girls connection. Lane is a strong, smart, determined character. I would match the style of your boys if possible as First: Family Surname Middle: Family First. If you can’t though, I hope you can let go of the “pressure” of finding the perfect long-awaited girl name. Whatever you choose, she will be your precious little girl and you will love the name because it’s her.
Oh…. or Margaret. Margaret Lane Thorson. Maggie Thorson. That sounds fabulous!!
I love Lane!! Like a commenter above, I also love Gilmore Girls…so I have to also suggest Lorelai.
I also knew someone with the name Lang which could work as well. Lane also reminds me of Linnea (Li-nay-ya)….but my vote is for Lane Phoebe or Phoebe Lane