Dear Swistle,
I have composed this letter to you many times in my head while lying awake in bed at night. I am worried I will leave something important out! Here goes…
FYI my husband and I are pregnant WITH TWINS (!!) who are due in October. By the way, your posts about loving having twins on your main blog have been so encouraging to me! So many people react with negative thoughts about us having twins so it’s nice to have your perspective to balance that! These will be our first babies, but second pregnancy. We hope to have at least one more child after these. We are not finding out the sexes of the babies. But, we would love one of each and have a feeling that is what is in there. For boys names, we have about three solid options, any of which we would both be very happy with. Because I think you will want to know what those are – they are Abraham, Jacob, and Homer (all honor names from immediate or close to immediate family members). Abraham is the strong front runner, with us probably using Homer as his middle name. (My absolute favorite is Homer but we usually think it would be safer to use in the middle spot). It’s the girl’s name that I need some help with. I say “I” because my husband knows what he thinks and I feel I need some outside encouragement (yours, specifically) to feel certain about my choice.
Also FYI, my name is Amy, his is Barry, and we will be using my husband’s last name for the babies which is pronounced Wall – boor – skee. My maiden name, which I kept, and which was my mother’s maiden name which she took back after her divorce from my father, is Banner. I actually changed my last name legally from my father’s surname to my mother’s when I was in my late 20s so it is a special name for me.
Here goes for real…
My mother, to whom I was very close, died several years ago. Her death is something I have accepted because I had to, but not something that feels “ok.” I very much want to name a daughter after her, and my husband is all for it. He loved my mom and loves her name. Her name was Jeannette. Well, to be exact, Jeannette was actually her middle name but she despised her first name, never went by it, and would only concede to using it as a first initial when legally necessary, so I don’t associate that name with her at all.
The thought of a daughter of mine having my mother’s name brings me a joy and a peace that are literally breathtaking. It *almost* makes my losing her feel “ok.” I love imagining saying to people, “this is my daughter, Jeannette, she was named after my mother.” Ah, what a wonderful warm feeling for me. BUT, here’s my dang issue. I just never have really liked my mom’s name. I mean, I didn’t and don’t hate it, but I don’t like it, either. Maybe because it’s just not in style at the moment. Not that I care about what’s in style at the moment. But you know how our tastes tend to match up with the tastes of the moment somehow. I do love the way her name looks, though. Just looking at it gives me a wonderful feeling. I love the way the e and a look together side by side. And I think it looks very feminine, which I like. I will probably use it regardless of how much I like it, just because of that wonderful feeling I think it would bring to me. BUT, I want to really LIKE IT. You know? And I think I just need a little outside help with liking it. Like, someone to help me see the beautiful sound to it, or something. Please help me with that! The way it’s pronounced in America, the juh in juh-net is just not a very appealing sound to me. Oh, another fun thing about using Jeannette is that it has the same number of letters as her last name will – 9. And 9 + 9 = 18 and 18 is a very special number in Judaism (we’re Jewish) – it represents life (chai pronounced hi).
I will share the two alternatives I have come up with to using her exact name: 1) to either use Jeannette as a middle name or 2) to use Jane as a first name. The Jeannette as a middle name option is nice enough, I mean it still keeps her name in there, but it doesn’t bring that same wonderful feeling that I think having it in the first name spot would bring. I would probably use Miriam as her first name in that case. The reason for using the name Jane in the first spot would be that my mother told me she had always wished her name was Jane, after her beloved grandmother, Jane. And when she said it, she said it with such a sweet shyness, it was clear that it was very dear to her. I think I would feel a real warmth in that being my daughter’s name, and that it would feel connected to my mother, but not as strongly or obviously as using her actual name. There is something very appealing to me about the option of Jane, though, because I feel that it symbolizes what my mom wished she had been, the best version of herself so to speak. I think that if my mom were to be given the privilege of naming the child that she would name her Jane. Plus, I prefer the name Jane. I find it very warm and sweet, probably because of how my mom felt about it. My husband also likes Jane enough to use it, but he likes Jeannette more, but he feels that it is my choice and he wants me to use whatever would feel best to me. Oh, one more vote for Jane would be that I think it sounds better side by side with the other twin names we’re considering (both boy and girl names). Let me know if you disagree/agree! But, I’m not a person who needs sibling or twin names to be perfectly matched.
The girl baby’s middle name will likely be Chaya (pronounced hi – yuh) which would be after my husband’s deceased father whose Hebrew name was Chaim (hi – yum) and which means “life.” Like the saying “l’chaim” (to life), but the feminine version. His English name was an H name that is unusable now.
So, my hope is that you can help me to really like the name Jeannette or help me feel more solid about Jane. It would also be fun to hear some nickname suggestions for Jeannette!
Thank you, Swistle!
You’ve mentioned that the thought of saying “This is my daughter, Jeannette; she was named after my mother” brings you a joy and peace that are breathtaking. What approximate percentage of that feeling do you get with “This is my daughter, Jane” or “This is my daughter, Miriam Jeannette”? How much breathtaking joy and peace are you willing to trade to get a name you like better? I think the way I’m phrasing this makes it sound as if I’m saying you shouldn’t be willing to trade any of it, but actually I don’t take that stance at all: I think it’s a matter of what the trade is WORTH. If there is a 10% reduction in joy/peace, but that leads to a 250% increase in name-liking, that could be considered a pretty worthwhile trade.
The name Jeanette/Jeannette is indeed out of fashion right now. It hit its peak in the U.S. in the late 1930s and early 1940s, and is currently at its lowest point in the Social Security Administration’s online record. Upside: once a name falls out of the Top 1000 entirely, as Jeannette has done, it can be due for a comeback. Downside: but it’s not back yet. Right now it sounds like a mom/grandma name, depending on how old the hearer is: it fits in with names such as Joyce, Barbara, Janice, Suzette. Nothing is WRONG with any of these names, but they’re too familiar to feel fresh again yet. They have to wait their turn, just like Charlotte and Emma and Lucy did.
You have asked for something interesting, and that is for help loving the name more. When a name is out of style, it’s hard to even imagine how good it once sounded to parents’ ears: how did someone once choose the name Mildred/Elmer/Bertha/Herbert on purpose, thinking of it as the best name out of all baby names? It’s strange when the order is reversed, too: marveling at how a name that used to seem so dusty and dated now sounds so surprisingly fresh and usable. I remember long ago when I felt so sorry for a co-worker with the harsh-sounding name Charlotte—and NOW look at the name Charlotte! I felt similarly sorry for a co-worker saddled with the boyish clunker Georgia (like Jacoba! or Ethanette!)—and now Georgia and George are both on my favorites list. I remember when Emma sounded like a generic old lady name—and not just old-lady, but farm/hick old-lady. I remember when Olivia was the weird name of the character on Sesame Street: it was fine for her, but no one would name a BABY Olivia, any more than they’d name a baby Oscar! I remember when I was waiting at the airport and heard someone call out to their child Lucy. LUCY?? Like the bossy grouch in Charlie Brown?? Like LOOSE-y?? Why do people have to give their kids such WEIRD NAMES??
I seem to have gotten off track. It’s just so interesting to me the way fashions influence our perceptions. Right now I am hearing Jeannette as a mom/grandma name—and yet I know with near-certainty that one day I will be looking at a new baby girl and thinking “JEANNETTE! Boy, am I ready to hear THAT name again!”—just as I did with Ruth, and Eloise, and Rose, and Jane, and Genevieve, and hundreds of others. Even just writing the name again and again for this post is having an effect. It is starting to sound light and dancey and cute, like a French ballerina.
I’ve found it helpful to spell names different ways—not with the intent to use those spellings, but to help me re-see and re-hear them. Charlotte seems quite different spelled Sharlit or Sharlot, and Loosey would be a hard sell. My eye skips right over the name Lynn, but Lin? Ooo, now I see it as light and sweet, compact and poised—and suddenly I get a glimpse of why Linda was such a hit in its time. We wouldn’t spell Jeannette this way (and some of these wouldn’t be pronounced quite right), but when I play with spellings such as Jennett, Jinnette, Gennett, Ginnette, etc.; or look at similar names such as Jenna, Etta, Ginny, Linnet; or think of contemporary names such as Bennett and Elliot and Violet and Juliette; I can see the name more as the parents a hundred years ago would have seen it.
Plus, I don’t know if this was the case, but it seems like some of those parents would have been seeing it as a fresh new spin on the name Jean. Jean was okay, kind of plain and serviceable. Jeannette was fancy! Frillier! Like taking Emily and turning it into Emmeline! Like taking Anna and turning it into Annabelle! Like taking Jenny and turning it into Genevieve!
French chic, for sure. For those of us who say it Jen- or Jin- instead of Juh-, it had the darling sound of the cute and popular Jennie or Ginny, combined with the French fad of Paulette/Suzette/Lynnette that preceded Nicole/Michelle/Danielle. And it ends with the interesting/fresh/unusual -t sound, like Charlotte, Violet, Juliette, Harriet, Margaret, and Scarlet.
It has excellent nickname options, too: Jinny, Jenny, Jenna, Jeanie, Nettie, Netta, Etta.
If you decide against using Jeannette, I would lean toward Jean instead of Jane. Jean feels like a more natural leap, and it preserves some of what you like about the name visually. And Jeanie is adorable. I might increase the honor by using your mother’s surname as the middle name: Jean Banner Wall – boor – skee.
I would also be on board with the idea of using Jeannette as the middle name. If I were you, I would then introduce her as “Miriam Jeannette—Jeannette is after my mother,” to maximize the good feelings. But I find I am sadder at the idea of you using it as a middle name. It sounds to me from your letter as if both you and your husband would prefer to use it as a first name, and of course I can’t know but my GUESS is that you will find the usage of the name for your daughter will make you love the name. Furthermore, I suspect your daughter will end up being on the very front lines of a fashionable name—like the women now in their 30s and 40s who were among the first to be named Sophia and Charlotte and Emma instead of Jessica and Ashley and Amanda.
One issue you don’t address in your email is what you will do if both twins are girls. With such an emotional and important honor name, I think it would be good to think ahead of time about possible strategies. For example, a friend of mine had twin boys, and one was to be a junior; she gave the other twin a very important family surname as his first name, to try to balance it. If you have two girls, and one is Jeannette, perhaps the other one should get the middle name Chaya. Or you might want to use Jeannette for one middle name and Chaya for the other. Maybe you would find it satisfying to use Jane/Jean/Jenna/Genevieve for one twin and Natalie/Garnet/Antoinette/Linnette/Etta for the other twin, to sort of split your mother’s name between them, with Chaya/Banner as middle names.
I think Jeannette and Miriam go nicely together as first names. Jeannette Banner and Miriam Chaya is nice, or perhaps Jeannette Chaya and Miriam Banner would be more balanced. Or Jeannette Chaya and Miriam Jane.
Edited to add: I was doing some housework after posting this, and as I thought it over it felt to me as if I’d left out another point that I think I want to make. It’s this: that I feel like people get Extra Honoring Credit if the name is not what they would otherwise have chosen.
That is, it seems as if everyone who has an Emma/Charlotte/Ella anywhere in their family tree has found that Emma/Charlotte/Ella and named a daughter after her—whether or not she was someone anyone wanted to honor. Meanwhile, Grandma Mildred was the loveliest woman in the world, everyone’s favorite sister/aunt/grandmother—but has no namesakes.
And so when I encounter a child with a somewhat dated or unfashionable name, and then I find out the child has been named after a relative, I feel EXTRA happy. It’s completely excellent and fine to love a name for itself AND because it’s an honor name, or to use a name you love and feel extra loving toward it because it happens to also be a family name—but where there had to be a little personal-tastes sacrifice to use the name, that is where I see some hardcore honor.
This is NOT TO SAY that I think you must use a name you’d prefer not to, just to honor your mother—and this is why I was not sure this was a point I wanted to make at all. The thing is, I think it works only one way: that is, if you use a name you don’t love, in order to honor someone you do love, I think you get extra points; but if you choose not to use a name you don’t love, I don’t think you lose any points.
Name update:
Hi Swistle!!
Well, I had those twins on 10/5 and after all my Jeannette ponderings wouldn’t you know they were both boys! I am sad to not have been able to use Jeannette after yours and your readers’ comments helped me really “get there” on using it, but hopefully I will get that chance in the future. Without further ado, let me introduce my sweet and funny boys, Jacob Homer and Abraham Chaim. In the pic, Jacob is on the left. He is the firstborn, btw, which kind of flips the Biblical order of the names which I think is fun. Abraham just looked more like an Abraham. I can’t thank you enough for your help with my Jeannette question and will keep you updated if I ever have one :)
Amy
I love this letter. I’m sorry to hear that your mother is not here to weigh in. I feel like she would heartily recommend Jane for you and you would feel done. You want to pass down the name of a lovely meaningful person to us, but you hope the feelings the original bearer don’t get passed down too?
I love the idea of twin girls named Jeanne and Etta!!!
For what it’s worth, my cousin’s wife (late 30s) is Jeanette. When I first met her, I was like ‘eek, Jeanette?’ and expected her to use a nickname. But she’s just Jeanette and she’s a take-no-crap wonderful loving smart ambitious famil-first person that has totally turned the name around for me. In a class of Jennifers, Jeanette felt more elegant.
Good luck with your dilemma! you don’t want to have doubts after the fact, so go with your gut and own whatever choice you make. It’s not like you’ll remember or honour your mother’s memory any less if you don’t have a daughter named Jeanette.
I don’t know if this is helpful, but my good friend is named Jeanette. She’s 31, and she’s so COOL and HIP and an utter delight. Her name does not seem dated AT ALL.
I am very fond of Jane if we’re just talking about flat name preferences, but feel like I want you to use Jeanette, because of the other connections.
I was just thinking the same thing! I know a younger Jeanette and I love her name. She is so fun, spunky and light that I have great associations with the name.
Oh! That’s true! I’ve met this Janette (she spells it just without the E) and she is FABULOUS. There are young and hip people with the name!
Ditto here. I know a Jeannette in her late 20’s early 30’s and it seems so fresh to me. Also, I love the song Bring a Torch, Jeannette Isabella.
I think Jeanie is a super cute nickname for Jeanette! I knew a Jeanette growing up (currently age 30), but she’s really the only one I’ve personally met. For that reason, it doesn’t feel as dated to me, not like, the way, say, Linda or Barbara would. I think it’s uncommon enough among the younger set that it will feel fresh and surprising (in a good way), rather than dated. And the way this name makes you feel–you gotta use it!
I have a cousin Jeanette and she is so cool and awesome. And we have a crazy Italian last name that begins with Gia and rhymes with macaroni, but it just works with Jeanette. Go for it!
I agree with Swistle that it’s important to have a plan in case of two girls. I also think Jeanie could be cute. I really love Etta though :)
I like the name Jeannette as is. I also love the nicknames Swistle listed ( Jinny, Jenny, Jenna, Jeanie, Nettie, Netta, Etta).
I especially think Jeanie and Nettie are modern/today sounding names that would fit in great with a class list and with Abraham/Abe too.
“The thought of a daughter of mine having my mother’s name brings me a joy and a peace that are literally breathtaking.”
While I love my sons names,it never evoked those precious feelings. I think you should take Swistle’s advise and decide how much that feeling is worth stacked against a name you really love. Also,, how much joy and peace would you get saying “this is Jane, she was given the name my mother would have chosen”?
I think Jeanette works much better with Abraham than does Jane or Jean. They have a similar stateliness and nickname potential. I do like Jane and Jean with Homer as those names have a more down-to-earth feel.
My stream of consciousness when thinking of Jeanette is loving, caring, sweet, creative – a dancer, artist, nurse, or veterinarian. I also think your mother must of been well suited to the name given your closeness and strong affection for her. In just the little bit you mentioned, your mother sounds like she was loving, caring, and sweet.
My stream of consciousness when thinking of Jane is active, strong, determined, tomboy – an athlete, scientist, lawyer, or Senator. I wonder if there is anyway you can know or find out if your mother preferred the name Jane because she felt “Jane” characteristics where a better version of herself OR was her wish an expression of how loving and close she felt toward her grandmother (clearly Jeanette characteristics in my mind).
Remember too that you cannot make a bad choice here. Jeanette, Jane, Miriam, and Jean are all lovely names.
Ooh this is interesting. You nailed my mom with the Jeannette stream of consciousness attributes. She was actually a nurse and very loving and creative! Thank you for the thought that the feeling I have about my mom’s name not matching your feelings about your son’s names that you love.
I am also writing to help you love the name Jeanette. I have a friend, spelled Janeth but pronounced the same, who is hip, warm, gorgeous…and therefore that is my association. If anything, as yet another Megan, I am jealous of her name, not sorry for her having a “grandma” name. I agree with Swistle’s interpretation of “frillier” and “French” sounding and think she will be at the cusp of a new naming trend among her peers. I also know an Annette who went by the nickname Net, which reminds me a bit of Neve or Viv today.
Also – if you do have 2 daughters, I echo the choices of Miriam Banner and Jeanette Chaya.
You could also do JeANettE / JeANEtte nicknamed Jane.
sorry, not as in use capitals in the name itself; I was just pointing out that Jane is actually right there inside Jeanette!
I was coming down to make the same comment. Use Jeanette, nickname Jane.
I agree that Jeannette feels riiiiight on the brink of a comeback – like Swistle, just reading it enough times in enough scenarios over the course of your letter and her response already made me ready to embrace and love the name for an adorable little girl! I think it’s an amazing tribute to your mother and as a pregnant lady unable to settle on a name because none give me that “oh, this is it!!” feeling, I’m jealous of how right it already feels for you :)
But I also agree with Reagan – you have no bad choices here! Jane is a wonderful tribute as well, especially if it would honor your mother’s wishes. I do think your description of overwhelming peace and happiness at using Jeannette may sway me a little more into that camp, though.
(I too love Chaya and Banner as middle options, should both be girls!)
I can’t wait for the update on this one! :)
So glad to hear you think it feels close to comeback status! Also, love your suggestions of Chaya and Banner as middles. I guess I am lucky to have one BIG CONTENDER.
I think Jeanette sounds sweet and feminine, not dated in a bad way at all. Twin girls could be Jeanette and Jane, with a nickname for Jeanette if it feels too matchy-matchy, although I think they sound really cute together!
I’m so happy to see your letter – I too am struggling with an honor name that I don’t love. I want to love it, and I love the person it honors, but I just can’t get on board. It’s a struggle. I’m so glad your husband is being supportive and letting you work through this.
My first instinct was to use Jeanette and call her Nettie. You don’t mention feelings on nicknames but Nettie is such a fun, spunky name that I can’t help but love! Plus she could fall back on Jeanette is she needs to.
Abraham and Jeanette
Bram and Nettie —-> LOVE THIS!
Yes I kept hoping to see a letter like mine so I’m glad it resonates for you.
Oh yes. I adore Nettie. That makes me love this name. and Bram and Nettie is the cutest.
Op, I have a similar conundrum. (That is, I have two boys but if I have a daughter someday I very much want to name her after my adored and beloved deceased grandma, but I’m not totally sold on the name.)
i do think Jane is very sweet, too…would you consider Jeanette and Jane for twin daughters, or is that too matchy?
I do like the name Jeannette and don’t think that it necessarily sounds ‘old’- so if it brings you happiness you should definitely use the actual name.
From my own experience; My mother has also passed 8 years ago and we did NOT want the literal name- both because I wanted our daughter to have her own unique name (which in your case with the potential of twin girls, will one feel ‘left out’ not getting an exact honor name?) AND because like you, we did not love my mom’s actual name. It was Dana. As an alternative, we were going to use Adalyn (ADAlyN – the letters from Dana are in there). We had a boy first and this time around, we are having a girl, but are naming her Genevieve Ada (Ada has some of the letters of Dana, so there is meaning and is a name we love). My point is that it does not need to be literal! I do like Jane for this reason and think it is sweet and classic. My only other advice is to keep writing down the name combos, first and last names together with other girl names or boy names for your twin pair and see what just stands out to you as you read them and actually say them aloud.
I went into labor with our girl and had had three years of girl name debates with no decision at all. We knew her middle name for sure, but I refused to consider it as a first because it had always sounded harsh and dusty. All during the pregnancy our daughter was just too spunky for most of our short list. Minutes after she was born I just KNEW. He middle name became her first name. It was no longer harsh to my ears but had the perfect level of spunk and personality to match. I have never regretted her name in the slightest!
Love this story!
First off, I am so sorry that your mom isn’t here to share this experience with you. But it sounds like you have a wonderful husband, which is so heartwarming.
Okay, down to business. If I’m only considering name preferences, Jane wins for me by a landslide. That being said, the emotional connection you have with Jeanette is hard to ignore. I do think that Jeanette has a ton of nickname potential (Jane, Nettie, Jean, Jeanie, etc) but I’m wondering if Jeanette as a middle name is the best option here. You still use your mom’s actual name but you can pick a name you prefer for the first name slot.
I do think you need to come up with a good plan in the event that you have two girls, which is what makes me lean towards using Jeanette in the middle name slot. I have trouble thinking of a way to give two daughters equally important names (unless they both get the middle name Jeanette)? Could both girls have Banner as their middle names? Or Jane Chaya and Miriam Jeanette?
Also (please correct me if I am mistaken) I was under the impression that Jewish tradition calls for an honor name to share the same first initial as the person it is honoring without being the exact same name, i.e. you would name your son Alexander to honor your grandfather Abraham. If that’s the case, couldn’t you use the name Jane as an honor name for your mom? And it would almost be a double honor because it’s the name your mom wishes she had plus it shares the same first initial.
Please keep us posted! Best of luck to you and your husband!
I may certainly be wrong, but I think it’s against certain Jewish traditions to name a baby after a living relative so that two living people in the same family don’t have the same name. So if you wanted to name your baby after your living grandfather Abraham, you could use Alexander. But if they are deceased, I think it’s okay to use Abraham.
Just wanted to clarify about Jewish naming … traditionally in (Ashkenazi) Judaism a baby is given the exact same *Hebrew* name as a deceased relative, and at the same time is generally given an English name starting with the same letter, if not the exact name, due to matters of personal taste. The Hebrew name is considered very important and is used in all life events such as circumcision/naming ceremony, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, marriage, etc. It will be found on the gravestone along with the English name. Sephardic Jews will tend to use the exact Hebrew name of a living relative. Traditional Ashkenazi Jews will not name for a living relative, whether Hebrew or English, full name or initial. I hope this wasn’t too confusing.
I love Jeanette. It’s a name that I would have never thought to use because one doesn’t hear it that often. However, if I heard a mom call their young daughter on the playground, I’d immediately think, “wow, that’s a cool name choice.” To me it comes across as a name that is ahead of the popularity curve in a good way and not in a dated way. Plus, I do think the name’s meaning to you for your mom is leaps and bounds more important. I also think Jeanie is an adorable nickname for any girl (or woman). Good luck, and congratulations on your double bundle of joy!
Oh good! I love hearing this kind of thing!
I love Abe and Etta!!
The reverence and love that accompany your description of using your mother’s name make me feel like you SHOULD use it. Could nicknames save it for you? I knew a Jeannette nicknamed Jan, so I don’t think a Jeannette nicknamed Jane would be strange. And I love Jeannie as a nickname. But it just sounds like the feeling you will get from using the name Jeannette will be incomparable to using a different name. Congratulations and good luck with the names!
I agree. Jeannette nicknamed Jane (or Janey!) would seem perfectly normal to me, especially knowing that Jeannette was after a near relative. After all, Jean and Jeannie aren’t pronounced exactly like the Jean- in Jeannette either, and babies can’t spell.
As swistle said, you need to decide for yourself what is most important to you and if you can somehow mesh the two together.
But – I will also add on and say that Jeannette feels fresh to me. The -ette / -Etta names are very much coming back. Names like Juliette, Brigitte, Rosette or Rosetta, Violet, Scarlet, Georgette, Cosette, etc etc.
I agree with others, there are many fabulous nicknames you can pull out of Jeannette if you so wish. The obvious one to me, would be Jane. Why couldn’t you have a Jeannette called Jane?? But also, Ette or Etta or Nettie. I actually love this name.
For what it’s worth, I love Abraham and Jeannette together. I love what you said about 9+9 letters being meaningful to you. I love that your husband is being supportive.
Good luck and keep us posted :)
I was coming on to make this exact point! Jeanette would fit in perfectly with classmates Juliette and Colette, which I’ve been hearing around a lot. I like the nicknames of Jane or Etta, if you’re a nickname person, but I don’t think that Jeanette needs a nickname. I really love your description of how this name makes you feel, so that makes me think this is the name for you.
Please please please use Jeannette!! You will never regret it, I promise. And Jeanie and Abe are so frickin cute!!
I really wanted to name my son after my father (Gerard Joseph), but my hubs said absolutely no to a baby Jerry. So we named him Joseph Gerard. We call him Joey/Jojo…but I ALWAYS introduce him as Joseph Gerard. Because it gives me that joyful feeling you describe.
This comment really sticks with me and has a lot of power. I feel very encouraged by it! It, and many other comments and Swistle’s post, are definitely giving me that little “push” I was hoping for. Thank you so much!!
I’m also having twins due in October (our first children as well). They will likely come in September though. I just want to tell you, they are absolutely the best blessings in our lives already. Unfavorable comments about twins roll right off our backs! I don’t have time for people who don’t see what miracles they are. You will be just fine.
Now to your names – I echo the importance of having 2 girl names ready to go on delivery day, not just one. We had a girl name all picked out for years, with an honor middle, and had to change things around once we found out our twins are both girls! We have gone with two first names we love followed by two honor middle names, and are quite happy with our decision.
Anyway, I love both Jane and Jeanette. The more I say “Jeanette” in my head, the more I’m finding I’m fond of it. The emphasis on the “ette,” as Swistle noted, reminds me of names like Violet (my twin B). I think you need to go with your gut on this one. Whichever name you chose you will love, because it will now also be your child’s name.
For boys, I’m crazy about Abraham. We had Abram picked out for a boy, I just adore the nickname Bram!
How cool to hear from another in my situation! Congrats on your twins!! I wonder where you live : )
I agree that one girl twin named Jeannette and another named something less special is awkward. I have enjoyed the Jeannette and Jane suggestions for two girl twins and have thought if it were two girls of putting Jeannette and Jane in the middle spots. I am very convinced (but could be wrong!) that there are not two girls in there, though.
I’m from CA! I’m sure you’ve looked up the stats – 50% chance boy/girl, 25% chance boy/boy, and 25% chance girl/girl. I was actually convinced mine were girls from the start (they are identical so it was a 50% shot for me!) so your gut could be right ;)
Ooooh, this is all very interesting. My grandmother (who I love dearly) hated her given name so much she made us to promise NOT to ever use it as an honour name. She would vote for you to use Jane, I’m sure, your Mother’s favourite version. I like Jane better myself, especially Janey, maybe with Annette as a middle name. But what I really wanted to say was, one way or another, use Banner! Such a cute name for a boy, or a middle for a girl, and a fabulous family story to go with it.
Yes I love Banner and we do think of using it, especially in the middle, often. It may end up in there somewhere.
Could you babe her Jeanette and call her Jane?
I think I lean towards using Jeanette, but perhaps with a more modern sounding nickname? Etta seems like it could work. I also think Jane isn’t too far off the mark as a nickname for Jeanette, which would give you the best of both worlds. (FWIW, Jeanette is a variation of Jean, which itself started as a variant of Jane).
This is my daughter Jeanette. Her nickname is Jane.
Another option might be to simply shorten Jeanette to Jean, which seems so similar to Jane that it also seems like almost the best of both (though perhaps slightly less so than Jeanette nicked to Jane).
I like the Jeanette NN Jane.
I am very torn with my thoughts here!
On the one hand, the feeling you get with the name Jeanette IS a great one, and one that would be hard to match up to; I’d imagine. So I am PRO using this name, especially because there are cute names associated with it (Jet, Jenny, Jeanie, Etta, Ginny, etc). However, I don’t love the name Jean. I don’t think it’s quite there for a comeback yet (whereas oddly enough I do think Jeanette is!) and so I wouldn’t shorten the name just to NOT have it be Jeanette. Plus, Jeanette looks much better spelled out, whereas Jean is, well like Jeans basically. But the idea of saying “my daughter was named after my mother” is a really nice one. So if you go this route, it makes total sense.
On the other hand, I LOVE the idea of naming your baby Jane, first because I think the name is much more classic and much less likely to ever feel dated (personal preference maybe, but I don’t think Jane ever really fell out of style yet feels fresh in the moment), and most importantly, because that was the name your MOM would have chosen. And so, the idea of remembering that story every time you hear the name Jane may mean more to you personally than telling other people you named her after your mother. Kind of like, “This my daughter Jane, it’s always been a beloved family name,” and then you have a huge grin as you think of how your mom would have named herself that.
I do have to bring up one point………if you have two girls……I would more likely go with Jane, if only because you don’t want to say the name Jeanette and have your name swell with pride and then say, “and here’s Miriam” like ba-dum-dum. I’m sure that’s a feeling that wouldn’t last forever either way, but you know. I also think Jane and Miriam sound better together than Jeanette and Miriam ( though I sort of love Jeanette and Jane, which don’t sound like similar names, but work together in the story of how they both honor your mother).
But either way, you can not go wrong with either name.
I’m in the Jeanette and Jane camp if the twins are both girls! Similar, and twin-ny, but not too matchy. Plus, each name honors your mother.
I just love Jeannette! I also love Annette, Bernadette and Antoinette right now, partly because they don’t sound like names for current babies.
I also love the phenomenon of how hearing a name on a child automatically makes it sound fresh and new- I’ve recently met babies/toddlers named Marge, Cynthia and Sally, and I just can’t get over how cute their names are!
I have boy/girl twins myself, and the name balancing was tough! I think you’ve gotten great advice so far, but one thing I wanted to add that I didn’t see mentioned when I scanned through comments is that Miriam and Abraham sound a little too matchy-matchy for my taste in twin names. I think you’re doing a great job considering names individually, which can be hard with twins! But make sure you consider different combinations, as well. You’ll say their names together every single day!
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. You’ve gotten some great advice, so I’ll just give you a personal story. My grandmother was my very best friend, and she died almost exactly a year before I found out I was pregnant. She never loved her name (Ruth) and it was not a name that was ever a favorite of mine. But it suddenly became incredibly important to me to honor her by naming a potential daughter after her. I played with combinations of names but ultimately decided to name my daughter Ruth. We call her Rue, or by her first and middle, which is Ruth Pearl.
And now? I LOVE her name. I have not one single regret about using a name I was, at best, lukewarm on. For what it’s worth, I think Jeannette would sound adorable on a little girl and Ettie or Nettie or Etta are fabulous nicknames. I would encourage you to use the name of the person you love so much. I doubt Jane or similar would give you the same feeling.
So funny that I came across this today! http://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/198762/18_badass_baby_girl_names/166005/jeannette/10
According to this list Jeannette is a “badass baby girl name!”
So there is the question of sibling names. If you had a Miriam Banner and a Jeanette Chaya and got pregnant again, Abraham and Miriam share an ending, would that bother you? If you have two boys, I rather like Abraham Banner & Jacob Homer, but are you okay if Jacob and Jane share a Jay-beginning?
Jane & Abraham; Jane Chaya Wallboorskee
I adore the name Jane. Always have. It’s classic and gorgeous and tailored. It is, however, becoming a little more common, a little more familiar, at least in my circles. There is nothing wrong with that — and I love that your mother got a shy smile when thinking about being Jane. It makes me misty-eyed.
Jeanette & Abraham; Jeanette Chaya Wallboorskee
I was not expecting to like Jeanette, but when I actually said it, it sounded incredibly pleasant. French, lilting, sweet, steady. And unexpected. It reminds me of Marion, in how charming and underused and lovely-sounding it is. What makes me misty-eyed about Jeanette, though, is how your heart stops when you say it.
I don’t actually like Jane as a nickname for Jeanette; they’re separate names! Jeanette is the derivative! But I get similarly weirded out when people use Hugh as a nickname and put Hugo on the birth certificate (or a legally-Janey-goes-by-Jane an acquaintance chose for his daughter). But that’s okay. If it makes you happy, or if it makes your little girl happy, then may it be blessed.
By the way, I’m sorry for your earlier loss. Pregnancy after loss can be a hard thing. I hope you’re doing well.
I love your description of Jeannette! And thank you for your condolences.
For two girls, how about naming one Jane and the other one Jeanette with the nickname Etta? Then they will each have a special name that you associate with your beloved mother.
It sounds to me like you are set on Jeanette but primarily looking for a new perspective/support for the name itself, right? If it were me, I would definitely use it. Primarily because of the deep meaning and feelings it gives to you – and your daughter! I gave my daughter my middle name (Ruth) which was also my grandmother’s name (with whom I was very close). We frequently call her ‘Vivian Ruth’ and it gives me the exact feeling you describe. It’s not a name I would have picked on it’s own, but it was so meaningful to me it was essentially a given. One perspective I had on it that you might find helpful was thinking not only of naming my baby after my grandmother, but imaging my daughter as a teenager, college student, adult with her own kids, etc. named after her mother and great-grandmother, and the hope that she would feel as connected to the women in her lineage as I do. Jeanette strikes me as very similar in that it is maybe not a ‘baby name’ (though Swistle and others have listed many amazingly adorable nicknames that are!), but it does strike me as the name for a whole person (including adulthood!). I
I too love Jeannette. And I have faced a similar dislike of the “juh” or American J sound my whole life. My last name is Johnson but my husband’s is different, and for awhile I wanted to use Johanna as an honor name for my deceased dad. I stayed awake at night figuring out how I could train an entire society to say the soft French J instead: GJO-Hanna not Joe-Hanna. With alllll of this, I say still do it. And see if you can practice the soft j enough that it will catch on for all of us other American J folks out there!!
Will definitely do this!
My comment is solely about loving Jeannette more. If you ease up on the Juh- sound and lean slightly more to a Zhe- (a little more French, but not all the way), does it sound fresher or lighter to you? Or does it just sound less like your mother’s name? To me, it feels less dated that way, though the way you/she/others pronounce it might morph over time (for better or for worse).
Hope you come to a decision peacefully! I agree with what others have said about there really not being a bad choice among the names you’ve shared.
Yes that does help!! I have often said that to my husband that I would love it so much more if it were pronounced with a slight zhe sound at the beginning. Makes it sound very elegant to my ear. So maybe I will just say it that way.
I had the opportunity to live in Denmark for several years, and there Jeannette is pronounced “Zhe-nett-ah” (with the ‘ah’ being somewhere between ‘ah’ and ‘eh’) so I read through most of Swistle’s answer before I realized that despite growing up in Canada, I no longer pronounce this name the way people in North American do. (Also I had no idea that there were ‘Jen’, ‘Jin’, and ‘Juh’ variants.)
My point (yes, I swear I have one) is that you could make it even more elegant perhaps by saying it the Danish way. :)
I was planning to come comment in support of Jane but the previous commenters have persuaded me! Use Jeannette! Maybe Jeannette or Jannette nn Jane.
FWIW, I know a 30-something Jannette, and her name has never struck me as dowdy. Janet would strike me as dowdy, but Jeannette does not.
This was almost exactly the same situation we were just in. I don’t really *love* the name Susan but I really loved my mother Susan, who sadly passed away several years ago. We named our daughter Susan Rae after her and DH’s favorite aunt. Several people have praised it, including some under 30s, so I guess maybe it could be due for a resurgence around here before many years go by.
As far as Jeannette goes, I like it. I don’t know any Jeannettes at all, so it doesn’t have an age link to me, except perhaps as a classic French name. Nothing wrong with classics!
Thank you! Susan is actually a name I feel is headed for a comeback. And it is encouraging that you have received compliments on it.
For my oldest son we used an extremely old fashioned honor name that I never really liked but which reminded me of my beloved but deceased grandfather. Whenever anyone asks whether it’s an honor name which happens a lot it makes me think about my grandfather and hold his memory close. Plus as an added bonus I have grown to love the name because saying it is talking about my son. My son also talks about his namesake despite never having met him. I cannot urge using Jeannette enough.
I vote Jeannette! I love the name Jane, but Jeannette is so special in this particular case. Go for it!
I had an 18 year old Jeanette in one of my classes last year. I remember feeling an “oh dear” sort of pity when I read it on the roll, but that evaporated immediately: she is a sharp, wryly intelligent girl who is also very professional and poised. The name Jeanette fits her perfectly,and I have really come to like it for its own merits.
I like the name Jeannette, hope you use it. I’m American and I don’t pronounce it Juh-NET or jen-ET or jin-ET. I have always said jee-NET and thought everyone did. If it were Janette then I would say juh-NET.
My mom actually referred to herself in a nickname type way as G-Net and sometimes signed things that way – the way you pronounce it.
I can’t remember if I have commented about this before, but I have an honor name. I am named after a beloved relative that died far too young. My name is very dated for my generation, and it’s one of those names that is never coming back in style :) I like my name very much, but I never felt it was really my name because of the huge history attached to it for my mother and her family. It’s hard to explain, but because of my feelings I have only used honor names for my children’s middle names. I wouldn’t tell my lovely mother this, but it’s just a perspective to take into consideration or complete ignore! Also, I know a little girl named Jeanie and she’s a firecracker!
You know, this is something I have wondered about. It was one of my hesitations about using her (my mother’s) name early on. I think it seems less worrisome to me now, but is definitely something I will continue to consider.
I NEEDED to comment on this when I was only half-way through your letter.
I lost my mother when I was 18. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was not emotionally ready to use her name. Even tho’ it had been 12 years since her death, it felt too raw. And baby #1 turned out to be a boy so that was just fine.
When I was pregnant with my second, I was ready. My mother’s name was Irene. It hit its peak popularity in 1920 and is now #629 on the Social Security records. Not a popular choice. It didn’t feel new or modern but the “Mommy-ness” overrode that. I knew I would get people cocking their heads at me oddly when I introduced my newborn as Irene. And I’ll be honest, it felt a bit odd the first few months. I had people who assumed I was Irene and the baby was Heather!
But now my little baby is 16 years old and her name is perfect. She loves that she isn’t Irene S. at school and that she doesn’t need to share it with anyone else. She likes that its an old fashioned name that people remember fondly and find surprising to be carried by someone her age.
And the “breathtaking” joy I feel when saying she is named for my mother — IT NEVER GOES AWAY!
Use Jeannette. You won’t regret it.
Oh thank you for sharing your story! This helps me so much and brings tears to my eyes! I love hearing that you just went with the name and that even thought it felt strange at first it became perfect. And I especially loved reading that the joy never goes away!!!!!!!!!!
And while she doesn’t spell her name the way your mom did, Disney actress Jennette McCurdy is pretty badass….
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennette_McCurdy
I have an awesome firecracker great-aunt Jeannette (pronounced Jin-ette) and I think it’s great. Go for it!
It kind of reminds me of the end of “Wild” where she names her daughter “Bobbi” after her beloved mother. I was like, Bobbi?!?! And then I was like, that’s awesome. She loved her mom so much.
Use Jeannette! By the time she’s a teen, Jeannette will be back in style & her more fashion-forward peers will be admiring it, just like I remember girls in my high school years (early 2000s) feeling admiring of the few who lucked out with names like Stella, Isabella, and Clara in a sea of Ashley, Taylor, Megan. In most cases those ahead-of-the-curve names were honor names (being a name nerd since forever, I always asked!) I remember wishing heartily I’d been named after one of my grandmothers or great grandmothers, Grace or Lily or Anna (the rest were all named Mary).
Just thinking about Jeannette on a little girl, I felt that happy fresh feeling–I’m seeing striped Breton shirts, bicycles, and Godard films. It feels edgy and new and classy. I love it!
I love it too! Jeannette & Abraham could go by Jeannie & Bram. So good!
Am I the only one who doesn’t mind Banner as a first name?
So much to say about this post. First, Swistle managed to include four of my five daughters’ names in a positive way in her response which made my name-nerd heart just giddy (Miriam, Emeline, Harriet, and Annabel–my other daughter is Clover).
Second, I love the name Jeannette. My aunt Jeannette is the sweetest, kindest, most generous person I know. She’s also almost 80, which means, the 100 year mark is not that distant on this name. Plus, the “t” ending is very popular right now. If I hadn’t used Harriet, I would have used Juliet, and I also love Violet and Olivet–and so do many other people! The sound is current, even if Jeannette hasn’t taken center stage yet.
Thirdly, use Jeannette. I think Jane works wonderfully as a nickname (although I wouldn’t use a nickname because the full name is so beautiful). I know I already said this, but I really think you should use your mother’s name.
Fourthly, I love the name Miriam. My daughter, Miriam, turned 13 this week (my first teenager!!!) and oh, her creativity, her spunk, her humor, her talent, and her desire to do right. I still love to say her name. I still love to write her name. Miriam Jane and Jeannette Chaya–just lovely.
I named my son after my Dad. He has an ‘old man name’ but not a trendy one. The name was a top ten classic like Bill or Jim in its day but isn’t in our state’s top 100 list now. I was really worried at first but with a nickname it is fine. People always recognise the name and don’t comment negatively (to my face at least!).
Interestingly since he was named I have met 3 other kids in our small town with the name – but there is not even one older one at the school so I have started a trend :)
I like Jeannie for a nickname – cute…
I definitely think you should use Jeannette! With my first daughter, when we found out she was a girl, we told our family that we were going to name her after my grandmother who had recently died. As my pregnancy got further along I found myself feeling like I didn’t really like that name very much after all, and much like Jeannette, I found mostly 40+ year olds with that name. However, I felt pretty locked in to using it – my husband loved it, my mother was thrilled we were using her mothers name, everyone had been referring to baby by that name. I talked myself in to using it and now I am so glad that I did! I love it so much now that it is on my own dear child and I find myself being so thrilled that she shares her name with my grandmother. People are often very positive about the fact that it is unusual to hear of a girl her age with that name. Jeanie is such a cute nickname, and Etta too!
I am another that wanted to comment just to suggest her legal name be Jeanette, nickname Jane. Then you and she both have options as to what she goes by, depending on the occasion and how the names are trending. I actually see the cuteness in Jeanette (I’m sorry more people don’t), but my heart lies with Jane. There’s nothing quite like Jane.
My concern, like Swistle’s, is if you had two girls. You told us your boy names, but not girl names! I hope the second girl would have a name with great meaning as well.
Please use Jeannette! How could you not use a name that leaves you with a feeling of joy and peace? And I love it with Abraham too. I wouldn’t use Jane with it, or as a nickname for it, but I love the suggestions of Jeanie and Etta. If you’re inclined and have a second girl, I would consider Jane as a middle for that girl. Jeannette Chaya for your mom and Miriam Jane for your grandmother (and a little bit of your mom in there too)! I think that’s the sweet spot for me. Jeannette and Miriam. Etta and Mim. Jeanie and Miri. Cute!
1) I LOVE Jeannette. The Jeannettes I have known have all been fantastic women, plus I love the sound of the name. Very friendly and energetic.
2) We named our son Francisco after my FIL – a slightly dated name (at least in the Latino community) slightly out of fashion. But my FIL is a great man, a really wonderful man, and it feels so good to have this baby connected to him in such a powerful way. I was worried about not loving the name enough but at the end of the day I’m so happy we chose a name with that kind of family meaning over a series of sounds we found more pleasant to the ear. It makes me wish I could back retroactively and give an honor name to our first son, although I love his name for different reasons.
Good luck!
Chiming in to say that I know a young (5ish) Jeannette and she is awesome. Fun personality and spunky! Her parents call her Nettie. So cute! I love Jeannette Banner. Also, my second daughter has my mom’s name in the middle. It kind of makes her name sing-songy (although Swistle & Co put them together and approved), but I also feel that breathtaking joy when I share her middle name. Her name isn’t particularly popular, but I’ve heard it among a few babies with a cute nickname, so that eased my concerns some.
So glad you know a young Jeannette! Do you like Jeannette (first name) Banner (middle name)?
I love Jane and Jeanette, I think twin girls would be awesome, and your mother would be so honored. I’m hoping you have twin girls now, just so you can use that.
I’m surprised to see so many people like Jeanie. I was born Jeanie, and never liked the nasal quality. My mother remembers me asking to change my name starting around age 3. It rhymes with Weenie, so that was a fun few years in elementary school (I still remember a particular rhyming verse someone created to honor the Jeanie/Weenie rhyme). Because of all the Jennifers in my age group I was usually mistaken for a Jenny, sometimes Jeanine, Jeanette, or even Regina. One neighbor called me Johnnie (like a French pronunciation). It was misspelled Genie or Jeanne a lot. By the time I was a teenager I adopted a nickname, and eventually legally changed it. Maybe I was just the “Mildred” of my generation, but that name still makes me cringe a little.
It seems like you really, really like the name Jeanette. I’d go with it. I also think that Etta would be a cute and current nickname.
Well, I’m torn. Juh-nette is going to be the default that nurses and substitute teachers use. I think it’s easy enough to emphasize a Jih-nette, but a Zhe-nette seems like a reach. It could be my age, but Jeanette feels solid American to me. Not bad, mind you, but not French or even European. But you love it, and it’s meaningful, and I think you should use it *if* you either have one daughter, or two names that feel special. Me, I think I’d use Jane in this instance, and enjoy the “Inside joke” behind it.
Although I wonder how you’d feel about Janet? It seems to split the middle between the two, and gets rid of the juh sound. Still classic, still crisp, but somehow feels fresher than Jeanette.
(Hmmm. TBH, I think I have an aversion to the -ette suffix in general. Don’t mind it in Colette or Nanette, don’t like It as a feminized version of a masculine name. Which is my issue, obv. Still like Janet anyway. 😊
I think Jeannette is a beautiful name and strongly vote for you to use it! I also have an experience of naming my child an honor name I didn’t love, or even like really, and have since fallen in love with the name.
My grandfather’s name was Lafayette (nn Lafe), he was a war hero and the kindest soul you have ever met. Similar to Swistle’s Mildred example above, he had 5 grandsons and 4 great-grandsons and not one honor name had been given. We opted to use Lafayette as a middle name for my son (who is now 8) even though it didn’t really “work” and I definitely didn’t love it. Using my grandfathers name, even in the middle name slot, has brought me so much joy. I now sincerely love the name and would have considered it for a first name (and come up with a cute nn) had I felt this way 8 years ago. It has given me so many opportunities to share stories about my grampa with my kids and my 8 year old really loves his name and the connection to his family. Bonus: with the popularity of the musical Hamilton, my son now has a cool song with his middle name in it and feels a personal connection to the story of our founding fathers. Now I don’t think the name Lafayette is going to start sweeping the nation because of Hamilton, but when my son was born I never could have predicted that his middle name would ever be part of a pop culture phenomenon. You never know what may happen with the name Jeannette!
Just wanted to chime in and say that this post has won me over to Jeanette – I love it!
My daughter has two honour middle names. One is a non literal honour name that is more in style currently. The other is an old fashioned exact honour name, my Grannie’s name. Two years down the line I much much much prefer the honour name that is exactly the same as the honoree’s name despite feeling the opposite way when she was born. This is just my personal preference but I almost regret not using two literal honour names rather than one that has to be explained. I feel the honoree of the literal honour name is more enthusiastic than the non literal honoree because it is so much clearer that we wanted to honour her, with no compromises. I think I feel an echo of that joy you describe when I say “it’s my Grannie’s name”.
Good luck and let us know what you decide!
Oh thank you for sharing how the literal name has became to be your preference! That gives me a lot of encouragement to take the plunge. Yay!!!!!
Both of my boys have honor names I would not have otherwise chosen. While I like their names, they are names I would not have considered if it weren’t for the honor aspects. I am just so happy and pleased that we chose the names we did…it is a neat thing to tell my boys about who they were named for and why they have the names they do. Both were named after deceased family members, and we have a picture of the two family members in each boy’s room. They point at the pictures and know they share a name. It has been a neat connection to have with family members they sadly will never meet.
Love this.
i would go with Jeannette, no question, though it’s possible I am coming at this with exactly the wrong bias: I lost my father recently (not that recently, about 15 months, but that’s nothing in grief time it turns out) but I
ve never named a child. I would name her Jeannette solely because it seems like it will help you accept the loss of your mom. That’s a pretty huge benefit. Plus the nicknames are adorable and some sound fresher and more contemporary, especially Etta or Ettie, but there’s also Jeanie, Jean…
i missed at first this was twins. If i were you i’d want to find out actually in advance because the name situation is so much more meaningful to you now than it is to many people but that’s just me. Love the idea of Jane and Jeanette or Jeannette and Abraham, Janie and Etta, Etta and Bram.
Please let us know what you decide.
I think you need to go into this with groups of names. I totally think Jeanette is a great name to use. I know of a baby who just turned one with this name. Everyone wants a unique and knowable name and this is bang on. But I feel if you have two girls you can’t use it. The feeling of joy you speak of in the name should not be used for one twin and not the other. I have come up with two girl names that could equally and doubly express the joy :) so here is an example of the groups.
G/B
Jeanette Chaya. Nn of choice. So manyn
Abraham Banner. nn Abe or brahm
G/G
Etta Jane and Jean Banner
Or
Etta Jean and Jane Banner
B/B
Abraham Chaim
Jacob Banner
I love your boy names too!
Congratulations on your twins! My cousins had boy-girl twins a year and a half ago and they always say they have never had as much joy, especially seeing their two growing up together and enjoying one another.
I saw it mentioned briefly above, but I wanted to cast a vote for Jeanette in the middle name if both babes are girls. I don’t see how you could find such a special name for the other baby if you give one Jeanette as a first name. If both have Jeanette as a middle, it would be a special tie for them to both your mother and each other.
I know I’m late on this one but here is my take. I have a cousin named Jeannetta so to me the name doesn’t feel dated at all (she is late 30’s or maybe early 40’s) and in thinking about it we pronounce the name both as Juhnetta and as Jenetta interchangeably. and with Jennetta McCurdy, I think the name just has 5 or so years before it comes back. My thinking on Jane is that if it was a name your mother loved so much, why didn’t she give it to you? Or was it just that she thought it would be a cool name for herself? She had the chance to use it and didn’t so I would go with her actual name and use it either for a second girl twin or as a nn. I was named after both of my grandmothers and while my first name is actually pretty popular for people my age, my middle name is not and I have never really liked it. I do like however the connection it gives me to my now deceased grandmother and aunt who shared the name as well as the cousin I have who also shares the middle name. Go with your heart and I think after the first week, you will find you love the name as much as you love the baby.
So glad to hear your take!
Dear Swistle,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and thank you to all the readers who took the time to comment! Reading everything has made a big difference in how I feel about my dilemma. In fact, I would say that it’s not a dilemma anymore! When I think about the name Jeannette now, and using it for a daughter, I feel no conflict. This is what I was really, really hoping for!! You have given me such a great gift! I realized that Jeannette really is the only name that gives me that breathtaking feeling of joy and peace, and I realize that that feeling is more important than the pleasure of using a favorite name. Your idea of playing with the spelling of Jeannette to help re-hear/re-see it was such a good one! I would not have thought of doing that but it really did refresh the image for me. And I was so inspired by your and many readers’ positive impression of the nickname Jeanie. It made me see it in a very new light! I also liked your idea of using Jean with Banner as the middle name instead of Jane if I don’t go with Jeannette. My husband really likes Jean, although I do think we’re going to just do straight up Jeannette Your statement, “But I find I am sadder at the idea of you using it as a middle name…” was so on target. That’s how it was making me feel when I thought of using Jeannette in the middle – just kind of disappointed and like it wasn’t quite enough. But hearing you echo that really helped me recognize that feeling in myself more.
Your thoughts on the importance of thinking ahead about what to do if we have two girls echoed some concerns I’ve been feeling about that since getting pregnant. I felt, and still do, that it would be hard to balance the importance of Jeannette with another name. With the tradition of using the first letter of a deceased loved one’s name as a way to name a child after them, we would probably go with Jeannette and H_____ if it were girl twins. Any name beginning with an H would, in this tradition at least, be a naming after Barry’s father. Although it still doesn’t feel 100% equal to me, it is close. For my husband, it does feel 100% equal. We struggle with H girl names, though. I used to love Hannah. I love the soft and soothing sound of saying it, it reminds me of breathing in and out – Han,nah. But my excitement for it really paled after reading too many threads of “oh why would you ever want to use such a popular name” on nameberry. Wish I’d never done that because even though I didn’t want it to, it kind of messed up the name for me I still think it is a wonderful name, although it doesn’t match very well with Jeannette. We have also considered Helen (sounds a bit too formal for my taste although I think it is a lovely name), Helena (I like but don’t really feel anything for), Hope (a bit short but love the meaning), Henrietta (my fave H name currently but Barry isn’t sold, yet), Hildy (eh), Hillary, Hallie (cute but not substantial enough probably), Hazel (I think this pairs well with Jeannette, I had a great aunt Hazel who was awesome, and Barry loves it but got kind of turned off to it after the movie about the young girl with cancer named the same), Hester (we love but have a dog named Esther and don’t want that similarity/confusion in the house), Hildy or Hilde (pretty but not sold). I think using Chaya as a first for the non-Jeannette twin girl could be really nice, but I worry about making one’s name so Hebrew and the other’s not. I also really like the combo of Jeannette Chaya as first and middle in one name. I thought your ideas of ways to split my mom’s name to use a part of each for two girl twins was so fun! I think it would dilute the specialness of the name for me, but would definitely be a fun/nice way to balance the name importance. If we were to do that I think we would probably go with Jean and Etta. Very cute. And maybe give them both the middle name Chaya or maybe do Jean Chaya and Etta H___.
I welcome any more thoughts, of course! And I am really looking forward to sending that final update to let you know what we end up having and what we name them!!
Thank you,
Amy
My mother wanted to name me Jeanette but my father vetoed it. She ended up picking Jennifer Annette. We are having a second little girl in a few weeks and wanted to honor my mother who passed away a few months ago. Her name was Kimberly and we aren’t quite sold on that as a first name. It was wonderful reading through all of the suggestions and ideas from all of you.