Dear Swistle,
Our fifth baby and likely last baby is due at the end of March. My husband and I typically have a very hard time coming to an agreement on names and this time has proved to be no different. We have a son Charles Martin IV (nn Huck), son Isaac Scott, daughter Katherine Elizabeth (nn Kate), and son Seth Ulysses.
I would like to use my maiden name Keller. I also like the name Elliot but not nearly as much as Keller. My husband likes the name Xavier. His 2nd choice is Henry. My husband says that Keller is a last name not a first name. I pointed out that many last names have become first names throughout the years. I am not a fan of either of his choices – Xavier – the fact that it is pronounced with a Z not X (I’ve asked around and everyone seems to have a differing opinion on how to pronounce it) and Henry is more popular than I would like. I know it is popular but I would consider Andrew (nn Drew in honor of a friend). Husband likes Oliver.
We do not want names that end in “n” as our last name ends with an “n”, not a super popular name, and something that is easy to spell (I grew up spelling my name). I like names that have an “L” in them as our last name begins with “L” but not first names that begin with “L” (too alliterative for my taste).
If we were having a girl – we would have used Caroline or Charlotte.
Help us come to an agreement or rather – how can I convince him to use my maiden name?
Thank you!
Am I assuming correctly that your first child is named after your husband? That is, that his names and his family tradition were used for your first child, presumably as he wished? If I were you I think I’d lean on that a bit here. It is a BIG DEAL to essentially allow previous generations of your husband’s family to name your firstborn, and I believe you deserve a little more of a reason from him for not using your maiden name than “it’s a last name not a first name.” Pardon me, husband, but Charles and Martin are ALSO surnames, as are Xavier, Henry, and Oliver.
And am I further assuming correctly that all of your children have your husband’s last name? That is, that his family name is being carried on in every single one of their names?
One reason I chose to do this question is that indignation gets me going, as demonstrated already in this answer. The second reason is that by purest coincidence, so pure and so coincidental that I will not blame you if you pause to wonder about my honesty and integrity, I encountered a Keller yesterday. It was in a natural context, where I overheard the name being used; my mom and I refer to that as “the mall test,” based on early experiences hearing names used at the mall and finding our reactions were not always as we’d expect. For example, sometimes we’d overhear a name on our favorites list, and hearing it used was what knocked it right out of the running; other times, we’d hear a name we didn’t even think we liked, and suddenly felt it was an extremely awesome name.
Where was I? Oh, yes: I was waiting for an appointment, and one employee called out to another employee nearby, “Keller, do you have those test results?” And I thought, “!!!!” The Keller in question was a grown man, and my impression was unexpectedly favorable. That is, if I had tried to answer this question before that experience, I might have fretted that Keller sounded feminine because of the name Kelly; after hearing a man called Keller, my impression was that it was unisex leaning masculine and worked very nicely on a guy. Checking current U.S. usage, I see that in 2014 there were 29 new baby girls and 168 new baby boys named Keller. (That is, the FIRST NAME was Keller. Point this out to your husband.)
A third reason I chose to do this question is that there are few things that give me as much of a thrill as when it works out to use the mother’s maiden name as a child’s first name. Oh to have been born a Wilson, a Simon, a Davis, a Clark, a Charles, a Henry—rather than a difficult Dutch surname that would make a terrible first name! The name Keller represents a style shift from the sibling names, but I feel as if the explanation makes it completely reasonable—and it helps that your Charles is called Huck.
I will not attack your husband for not wanting to use a name: if he really dislikes the name Keller, I’d reluctantly agree that he should have more of a say in it than I should. But I do think he needs to make sure that he is being fair. “It’s a last name” is a reason that does not coincide with reality: yes, it’s a “surname name,” but it is in fact being used as a first name, as are many other surnames. And if my assumptions are correct about him wanting to make your first child a IV, and about using his surname for every single one of your children, then I believe he should WANT if at all possible to make room for your family name. If “it’s a last name” turns out to be a fake reason and the real reason is that he dislikes the name, then perhaps Keller could be used as the middle name.
Name update!
Dear Swistle,
Our sweet boy Peter Augustus was born 3 weeks ago. I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated reading through your post and the following reader comments. A few readers mentioned the importance of marital harmony when picking a name and that really resonated with us.
Peter was a name on both of our lists – actually the only name in common – and Augustus is in honor of a family member. As much as I really wanted Keller for a first name, I was a bit hesitant as I was called killer a few times growing up. I didn’t like Peter Keller (too many -ers) and felt that Augustus matched our 4th child’s middle name (Ulysses) as both being a bit of a wild card. Thank you so much for your help.
I’m not a huge fan of last-names-first, but I think Keller’s great! It has meaning to you, it’s easy to spell and easy to pronounce, and it’s similar to quite a few names that are popular now (Kellan/Kellen, Killian, Kyler), so it sounds like a perfectly reasonable name even if it isn’t traditional or in the top 1000. I think it sounds fine with the other kids, too — not too modern, not too common, shares a “k” sound with Huck and Katherine. And while I second everything Swistle said about fairness to you, I’d like Keller for your family even if there weren’t also a son named after your husband. I suppose someone could complain that it sounds like “killer”, but that doesn’t seem very significant to me — people just aren’t primed to hear words like that when they’re being introduced to a kid.
I completely agree with Swistle. 100000%. That said, if you do end up having to compromise, make sure Keller IS the middle name, and that you are able to have Andrew nn Drew as a first name, or one of YOUR choices.
I am a huge fan of the name Keller…it has been on my list for years. I agree with everything Swistle said, per usual.
I’m wondering if at least part of your husband’s concern with Keller is that it so easily brings to mind the word “killer” — it could even be misheard for that when the name is given (“What’s his name?”) and could be a teasing name. That would give me a lot of concern. How about you choosing the first name you like best that goes well with the middle name Keller — for the reasons Swistle stated about your hubby getting to carry on his family naming tradition with your first son?
Andrew Keller (“Drew”) would be a very fine name.
And Andrew is very compatible with your other children’s given names:
Charles, Isaac, Katherine, Seth, and Andrew
Andrew Keller is my favorite too! When all the sibling names are listed, it fits in so nicely.
Sing it, Swistle! Love this advice. Love the name Keller for your likely-last kiddo. Also, if it was my fifth kid, I’d be tempted to point out that after 50 months (over four entire years!!!!) of pregnancy, I felt that my opinion might have more weight in this matter. :)
HECK YA!!!!
Frankly, I think being pregnant at all, even just for one kid is enough to get your preferred name over your partner’s.
That said, the whole “10 months of pregnancy” thing is such a pet peeve of mine. Such a pet peeve that I even went and found a blog post that expresses my intense frustration with same. http://duwaxloolu.blogspot.com/2010/12/pet-peeve-how-long-pregnancy-actually.html
I love maiden names as first names, but I think Keller is better in the middle. All I hear is killer.
I know a Keller, too, ten years old. It’s also a case of mother’s maiden name used as first name. She’s a girl, but I could definitely see it going either way.
I like all the names on your list. I lean a bit toward Henry.
Swistle is 100% on point. Fight for first name, as it’s a wonderful name. If not, definitely middle.
I have a maiden name that works as as first name for a boy, but I’m not sure I love it as a first name. It will definitely be a middle name for our kiddo.
Swistle is bang on. As is the commenter who stated that you’ve been pregnant and postpartum for almost 5 full years…. so technically, you should get a huge say.
I think Keller can actually fit in with the naming style of your kiddos, Charles whom you call Huck swings in multiple style directions, as does Kate and Seth, and even Isaac.
I think, unless your husband actually doesn’t like Keller, then you should use it. If he doesn’t prefer it, then 100% you should use it for a middle name. You could even use it as a nickname for him, even if you husband chooses not to.
Good luck!
I am mostly agreeing with Swistle and everyone else’s comments but I actually like Elliot Keller L____N. I know that’s a lot of “l”s but I really like the sound of it! I also love maiden names as first names or middle names and absolutely ADORE my maiden name. However, my husband and I agreed so as not to offend anyone, we do not and will not name our children after ourselves or after family members. It’s sad to do that because I love my maiden name but at the same time, our children’s names are picked uniquely for them.
A high school classmate just named her third son but fourth child Elliott and so I’ll give you the names of her boys for other options: Bennett and Ryder, their only daughter is named Charlotte :-) so you definitely have similar naming styles.
I honestly don’t think Keller as a first name fits in with your other children as far as naming styles go but Elliot fits in very well.
I actually don’t like Keller with the other boys names. I think it’s okay but would be perfect as a middle name. Charles, Isaac, Seth and Keller. Too different. I love Andrew Keller L-n. Huck, Isaac, Seth and Drew all look and sound natural together. Throw Kate in their and I think it’s perfect :) I don’t think Andrew is anymore popular than your other boys names. I love the nn Drew. It’s a perfect name because it’s classic underused and knowable with a spunky and modern nn. Plus I love a middle name with meaning.
Andrew Keller!!!!!
Agreed, even though I really love the name Keller as a stand alone, inherited from the mom, name.
The Keller I know is a 6 year old boy. Love it on him.
Keller is just awesome. Honor names always coordinate in style.
Yes to everything Swistle has said!!!
I don’t mind Keller as a first name, but I agree with another poster that Andrew Keller is kinda perfect. Andrew sounds great with your other names, and I’ve been falling in love with the name Andrew lately. I know it’s common, but it feels fresh to me. And Drew is such a great nickname….great with your other kids’ one syllable nicknames.
It makes me think of the show Friends, but since I wasn’t a huge fan I don’t know why. Okay–I just looked it up and Keller sounds like Gellar. That was the link. Obviously, not the same name and not a big deal. However, I think Keller is a stretch as a first name. I think meaningful names trump always, so use it if you can get your husband on board, but I don’t think it has a very pleasant sound and I don’t blame your hubby for not liking it. Especially as your other names are very traditional. My vote is with Elliot Kellar or Andrew Kellar. Drew is adorable and it fits in with the other kids.
I think it’s vital that both parents be on board with a baby’s name. To me, this trumps all the stuff about the surname being his, the 50 months of pregnancy, etc. Because there are so many thousands of beautiful, available names, it makes me sad to think that a particular baby name could become a bargaining chip, or a reason for any amount of acrimony between a couple needing to muster the energy to guide 5 new souls! If a couple cannot reach loving agreement on the name of a new baby, I’m even tempted to say then someone else–close friend, grandparent, minister–should name the child. (Or crowdsourcing, as we’re somewhat doing here?)
To those objecting to Keller on the basis of it reminding them of a similar-sounding negative noun, this could also be said of Huck (though a verb in this case). Names reminiscent of other negative words could be applicable to so many names–Violet for example–I think it’s best disregarded.
While I understand Swistles point given your oldest sons name, what I don’t know is how your other kids names fit into the equation. Do the others have names that honor family members on your side? Whose favorite names have prevailed in the past? Since I don’t know the dynamics of how you have picked names in the past, I will just focus on other considerations.
If your husbands only objection is that it is a surname, I don’t find it a compelling reason to reject the names Keller. A Keller would. Fit right in with classmates Lincoln, Sawyer, Reagan, and Parker. Further the line between first names and surnames has traditionally been blurred, I know people with the surnames of Kelly, Ryan, Thomas, Grant, Russell, James not to mention Matthews, Davis, and Adams.
But it is possible that your husband is using the surname excuse because he really dislikes your maiden name but doesn’t want to tell you that. Does it bring to mind killer for him or does he perceive it as feminine?
Just looking at your kids names, I see different styles in play already. Charles and Katherine are classic, traditional while Issac and Seth seem more Biblical. Huck and Seth have a cowboy flair. I think since the styles already very, it seems less jarring to switch up styles again. Keller doesn’t seem as much like an odd man out with siblings Charles, Issac, Katherine, and Seth as it would with siblings Charles, George, Katherine and William or Noah, Issac, Mary, and Seth.
Personally, I would use Keller as a middle name. That would rule out Xavier and Olliver because they also both end in R like Keller. Elliot Keller, Henry Keller, and Andrew Keller all sound fine to me,
I think that Keller is great, and you should use it.
Our own last name starts with an L and ends with an n, and my third child is Elliott James L____n. Clearly, I also love the name Elliot, although I would caution that he will probably always need to specify how many l’s and t’s are in his name.
Another thing that we have in common is that my older two children have names with “L”s in the middle. Here’s other names that might work for you that we’ve considered or used:
Miles
Nolan
Caleb
It’s a bit off topic, but Kell-(er, en, y) seems like a name that’s swinging back to the masculine after going overwhelming feminine. I’ve known a few male Kelly’s in my time, but most have been female, and none of them are under the age of 30. Even celebrities (although I may be overlooking someone.) It’s interesting.
I’m all for using Keller as a first name if you can get the dad on board, but Andrew Keller works just fine. Andrew’s one of those always-classic names.
I am enthusiastically on Team Keller! I agree with all of Swistle’s remarks (In a “Go Swistle, Go Swistle, Go!” sort of way), but my sense is that you will be sad if you don’t use Keller, which is such an important factor. My whole life I heard about what my mom WISHED she’d named my older sister and about how I was almost named something very very common, but ended up with a very uncommon family name, which everyone is much happier with. I think you should do some soul searching (would the honor name Drew be special enough to take away the sting? will you forever regret not having a little Keller?) and bring those thoughts up with your hubs, while also being open to any other reasons he may have for not liking Keller.
All rational thoughts aside though, Team Keller Henry for the win!
I am on Team Keller. Background, my husband’s first name is “Stevens” which was his dad’s middle name, and a maiden name up the line a bit. Our son’s name is “Fordon” which is also a last name that we’re using because my birth last name was “Ubell” which I think you’ll all agree sucks as a first name.
I think you should get to use it unless your husband really dislikes it for some other reason than the ones he’s given so far.
I think Andrew Keller is lovely and I hope this letter writer sends an update! :)
In case you want another data point, my husband’s name is Keller. It was his grandma’s maiden name. I call him Kel affectionately, but he goes by Keller in real life.
No one has ever had trouble with his name, it’s kind of amazing. People know how to say it, how to spell it, and that he is a man.
Adding another voice to the “it’s your turn!” chorus, too!
While I am in agreement with Swistle, I also agree with an earlier commenter about the importance of marital harmony in this debate. Especially if there are deeper reasons for your husband disliking Keller which he is not bringing up (because I know my husband would never flat out say he dislikes my maiden name).
That said, I quite like Keller as a first name and I usually don’t like surnames-as-first-names. However, could a compromise be reached? Since you’ve already nicknamed some of your other kids, what if the given name were Andrew Keller (my favorite), and then just call him Keller. As he gets older he can choose to go by something else if he wishes. Perhaps your husband will feel more flexible if the given first name was a different option that could be used down the road. Good luck and please keep us posted!
Going out on a limb here, but I’m going to guess that the family is Catholic (because of the children’s names, the size of the family, and the father’s love of Xavier, Henry, and Oliver– all saint names). The father says Keller is not a name, but means Keller is not a saint/biblical name, as they have agreed upon in the past. Perhaps that naming preference is more important to him than the mother realized, and he’s not expressing it clearly. Just a thought.
My 2nd thought is that if something sounds like a really good idea, suddenly, during pregnancy, and it’s not something we had previously agreed upon, then I should give DH more say in the matter… and I’m not a particularly hormonal pregnant lady. But, still. I think of the letterwriter on here who got a pregnancy-whim to name her son West Bestest. Sometimes it sounds like the father is being a stick in the mud, but he’s really keeping us true to our [non-pregnant] selves.
My vote is for Henry Keller. First name fits their preferred style, and middle is a wild card, like Ulysses.
In the the West Bestest post, the husband was the one who thought it was absolutely fine with their surname, while the wife was uncertain.
I don’t think Seth or Charlotte are saint names.
Ah, I’m sorry. I was just remembering her “hormones” comment from the update. (I also misremembered the name they actually chose– I had thought it was Felicity. Clearly I’m way off today.)
Seth is definitely a Biblical name, not sure about Charlotte. I want to say people use both Charlotte and Caroline to honor Sts Charles, but I’m not sure of a linguistic connection between Charlotte and Charles. I should probably shut up now.
Nooo don’t shut up! :) I actually was nodding along to your comment’s general tone in that sometimes things seem like a good idea pregnant which … don’t once the hormones are gone. I seriously considered (I have it written down on a list) the name Roberta Benedicta because of my maiden name (Robertson) when pregnant – I just really wanted MY name in there but wow – awful name. Luckily my hubby stayed strong and I ended up using my grandmother’s name (Frances) instead.
Oh and if told Charlotte was a saint name I would assume it honoured Emporer Charlemagne.
Sometimes last names used as a first name become family tradition names. My Grandfather was given his mothers maiden name (Harrel) as his middle name. My father became Harrel John with a cousin Harrel Edward. My brother is James Harrel and think if he ever has a son, his son will carry the name Harrel in someway. I have never met a Harrel (other than a few with that last name) I wasn’t related to and I know it’s something that both my father and brother saw as a link to their history. Maybe that will help your husband understand since his family has a nice naming tradition.
Keller is great. Please use. And for anyone worried Keller sounds too much like Kelly, I am here to tell you that Kelly officially went back to the boys. It’s a boys’ name. I love Kelly on a boy. I know Keller is a different name but I also think it’s great, great with your boys names. Awesome. Masculine and even though I’ve never met anyone with the name, somehow classic because of it’s closeness to other names, I think, Kelly, Connor, etc. Best!