Dear Swistle,
We are currently expecting our fourth child. We have two girls and a boy, Kamryn Alexis, Logan Michael and Kensington Bree. This fourth baby is coming as a huge surprise but after the initial shock it is definitely a welcomed surprise. I have a bit of an odd name question and was told it might be a good idea to come here because you have dealt with all kinds of questions. So here we go…..
My naming journey for this baby starts with Kensington (Kensie). When I was pregnant with her, just a year ago, (her and the baby will only be about 16 months apart) I had a really hard time naming her. As most pregnant woman, my hormones had me all kinds of crazy. Since after Kamryn was born we had said if we had another girl we would name her Eliot. It has always been a favorite girl name of ours. Then we had Logan and 2 years after he was born we found out we were expecting a girl. As you could expect we immediately decided she would be Eliot. Finally!! Our Eliot! But then I started to get second thoughts. One day she would be Eliot and the next Kensington and a week later I said we’d call her Finley. It went on and on right up until the day she was born. While I was in labor we just kind of said “Let’s call her Eliot!” So we did. The whole time I was in the hospital with her I just kept looking at her and thinking…this isn’t right. But again, my hormones were all over the place so I just chalked it up to that. We brought her home as Eliot and just 2 days later called my mom crying. I just KNEW we had given her the “wrong name”. Yeah, looking back now I realize how out of my mind I was. But everyone around me, my husband, our parents, our siblings and our friends were incredibly supportive. We almost immediately started calling her Kensington and the name just became her. Our other kids were never confused by it, it just felt right. Then when Eliot was just 2 weeks old we legally changed her name to Kensington. They say hindsight is 20/20 but looking back now I really truly wish we had never changed her name. It sits with me as if we had our chance to use a name we love and we blew it. I blew it. I let my emotions get the best of me and we did the unthinkable….we changed our baby’s name.
Now we are expecting another baby and as we talk names I can’t help but want to use Eliot. I just don’t know if that is allowed. This really is uncharted territory. People don’t usually change their baby’s name so I don’t know what the rule is. I do know I would never EVER change this baby’s name. It was a long process and living with the regret I have today shows me I could never do it again. We really like Eliot Mackenna a lot and love how it sounds with our other kids names. We’ve also thought about using the spelling “Elliette” as well. But again, is that okay to use? Will people think it’s not right or just straight up weird that we used it (again)? Or does this mean we get another chance to use the name we love and didn’t end up using before?
We would love to hear some insight on this. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. We so greatly appreciate it!
Here’s what I think. If you use the name Eliot for this baby, I think some people are going to have a flicker of reaction to that. Some will think it’s weird, some will think it’s amusing, some will think it’s interesting/thought-provoking. But I don’t think anyone will deep-down care very much, so you should certainly go with what you most want to do. As you say, this is not familiar territory for most people; this means most people won’t have any particular opinions about how it “should” be done. My own reaction falls into the camp of finding it interesting and thought-provoking, and to me it seems like getting another chance to use the name you love and didn’t end up using before.
In fact, I think using Eliot for this baby strengthens your decision to change Kensington’s name. It reinforces the idea that there was nothing wrong with the NAME Eliot, except that it didn’t fit THAT baby. That is, THAT baby WASN’T Eliot; THIS baby is Eliot. It makes for a good naming story: We accidentally used your name too early! We thought Kensington was you! But she wasn’t! We realized it right away, and fixed it—whew!
When discussing it with others, that’s the spin I suggest using. I wouldn’t make it into a story about how much you regretted changing Kensington’s name; instead, I’d emphasize the idea that THAT baby wasn’t an Eliot, she was a KENSINGTON, and THIS baby turned out to be Eliot. As much as possible, I’d suggest you laugh it off as something charming rather than something emotionally unstable: Names are HARD for us, ha ha! But it makes a great story, doesn’t it, ha ha! And NOW we have our Eliot, hooray!
I also feel the impulse to reassure you about that earlier decision. The way you describe it, it doesn’t sound at all crazy to me: you weren’t certain about the name before the baby was born, and then you felt the chosen name was the wrong one, so you changed it, and the new name immediately felt right. The part that confuses me is that even though it sounds like it was the right decision, you’re describing it afterward as an unthinkable, crazy, and much-regretted decision. Changing a baby’s name doesn’t seem unthinkable to me at all; it’s unusual, yes, but not awful or shocking. I would go so far as to say that if you decide on Eliot for this baby, and in the hospital it doesn’t seem right, you should allow yourself the option to change your mind again. Or, perhaps the experience with Kensington’s name will help you feel more certain of your choice this time.
Name update!
Hi Swistle,
I wanted to update you on our baby girls name. She’s been here for 3 weeks now. We decided to take majority of your readers advice and spend a good 24 hours with her before deciding on her name. As much as we absolutely loved the name Eliot it turned out that Eliot just was not her name. Yes, a bummer but I am happy we didn’t use it just because of our attachment to the name. So, after much back and forth we decided to name her Tenley James and we couldn’t possibly love her name more. It suits her perfectly!
Thank you Swistle and readers for your help! You were all awesome!
Here is a picture of Tenley:
xoxo, Kristen
I don’t know. Are there no other names you like? I like Swistle’s spin, but my first thought was that it either looks like you regret changing the current baby’s name or that you’ve given up on trying for names so Eliot is finally good enough. Also, if you don’t name baby Eliot, everybody will soon forget the whole story. But by dredging the name back up, it just keeps the whole drama alive. Also, sisters close in age have a tendency to be competitive, and I just worry that the whole thing may be viewed negatively by them as they age. Maybe not! Maybe I’m completely wrong. I would just give this some serious thought, and think about the actual bearers of the name and not just your like of the name. Good luck!
I am the one who sent in this question. I guess I get a little dramatic when explaining what we did. Haha! Truth is, I wouldn’t change Kensingtons name back if you paid me. She’s Kensington. When I say I regret it I just mean regret using the name Eliot so now we potentially can’t use it again. I do like your spin on it Swistle and I’m curious to see what other people think. Thanks again!
Oh I’m glad you cleared that up! I would say definitely just use Eliot then.
I feel like if I knew you in real life and you told me that this baby would now be Eliot I would laugh and tell you your crazy (jokingly) and never think about it again. It’s not a huge deal. you’ve always loved the name, it just didn’t fit Kensie.
Hi Kristen. I think you should definitely go ahead and use the name you love should Eliot fit this baby. I agree that it fits like a glove to all your other children’s names in style and it is wonderful that you have another chance to use it. All the best!
I think it may only be a problem if you make it one. I agree with swistle- wring baby. Wrong name. I would suggest having some back up names and bringing them to the hospital. See your newborn and decide. She may fit Eliot so well- it wil just feel natural!
Are you certain baby is a girl? What if it’s a boy.? No stress! Good luck!
Maybe the naming problem stems from the fact that all of your names are pretty gender neutral and Eliot is definitely boy. Perhaps Ellery or Avery would work better for you.
The name Kensington is currently used almost exclusively for girls: 229 girls and 6 boys given the name in 2014. The name Logan is somewhat more unisex but currently used much more often for boys: 828 girls and 13,579 boys in 2014. Kamryn/Cameron/etc. is harder to track because of all the spellings, but that’s a name I’ve seen listed as being almost perfectly unisex when all spellings are considered; the K- and -ryn spellings are more often used for girls. Eliot/Elliette/etc. is unisex but used more often for boys:
Eliot: 31 F; 191 M
Eliott: 68 M
Elliette: 104 F
Elliot: 367 F; 1,750 M
Elliott: 329 F; 1,574 M
Elliotte: 54 F
Ellery is used almost exclusively for girls: 254 girls and 14 boys in 2014.
I don’t think naming #4 Eliot is an issue. Most especially, I recommend waiting a few days before officially naming baby if you are unsure a name fits.
I was all hopped up on drugs after our first, and though I was fairly certain what name I wanted to use, I asked everyone to wait a day or so, so my husband and I could be sure. We ended up giving her our third choice name, and it was so strange because upon meeting her, we both felt it was her name right away!
Good luck!
I think it is fine if you announce it with a bit of humor. For instance you could send out baby announcements (email, fb, postal, etc.) with her picture and caption it: The REAL baby Eliot has finally arrived! Or: Introducing for the first time, the REAL baby Eliot! Just make a bit of fun out of it and people will be accepting.
We have used the same names! I have two daughters and they are named Kensington and Elliette (pronounced Eliot, my husband wanted it to look feminine). Both of my daughters get great feedback about their names. I think using Eliot is ok. I agree with the “oops we named the wrong baby Eliot” view. If you are going to announce her birth on social media throw in one or two sentences about the reason for the name and that way the masses know your reasoning and it doesn’t need to brought up or questioned by anyone.
1. Changing a kid’s name is not “unthinkable” or “horrible,” unusual? Sure, but you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last person to decide that your child is not whatever you named him/her initially. And you made the right choice for you at the time it was happening.
2. That said, and while I appreciate Swistle’s spin on it, I would probably not use Eliot again. At least not in the first name slot. I wouldn’t want to be the kid named Eliot or Kensington in this situation. I especially wouldn’t want to hear as Kensington that you regretted changing my name to Kensington.
But by all means, wait a couple days until after the baby’s born to decide on what you name him or her. I have friends who have done this with two out of three of their babies. It’s fine.
Totally agreed with Swistle’s advice, as per usual.
We have an Eliette (sounds like Juliette) and we call her Lette (pronounced Letty). I like Swistle’s advice. Use the name you like.
This certainly is an unusual situation! If I were in your shoes, I would not feel comfortable reusing Eliot, and if I knew I had been given my (non-existent older) sister’s former legal name, I suspect I would not like that at all. But that’s just me!
I think the main thing that’s bothering me, though, is that you’re thinking of using the middle name Mackenna, so not only would her first name be Kensington’s former name, you’d also be using a middle name that shares a very prominent sound (Ken) with Kensington’s current name. It almost comes across like you’re using the new baby as a way to correct whatever mistakes you feel you made with Kensington’s name. If you do use Eliot/Elliette for the new baby’s name, I think it would be best to choose a new middle name. Michaela (or Mikaela/Mikayla/Mackayla or however you want to spell it) is similar in sound to Mackenna, yet completely dissimilar to Kensington. I also like the idea of using the Elliette spelling, since at least she’ll have a different spelling than her sister’s former name and Elliette matches better with Kamryn more feminine-looking spelling.
Totally agree!!!
I think she should just go with a whole new name.
I guess I’d try to go into it with an open mind since you’ve experienced turmoil about it in the past. I wouldn’t say any name was chosen/set in stone until the baby was born or maybe a couple days after. Then you won’t be embarrassed by any last minute changes of heart.
You don’t say in your letter whether you know for sure that this baby is a girl. If the baby ends up being a boy, that’s a much easier situation to use Eliot. Just say “We decided we liked it better on a boy!” (if indeed you like it on a boy) and nobody will think anything of it.
If this baby is a girl, I don’t know that your kids are likely to have a huge opinion/problem with you using the name on one baby and then changing your mind and using it on the next instead. Maybe they will think it’s a little weird, but that’s it. They’re probably going to follow your lead — if you’re nonchalant and don’t mention it often, it will likely be a non-issue. The same is probably true with your friends and family. I like Swistle’s “Oh, that baby wasn’t Eliot, but this one is!” explanation because it’s pretty darn hard to argue with.
However, I also agree with other people who say that just picking a new name from the thousands out there would side-step this issue entirely. It all hinges on how important using the name Eliot is to you: would not using it cause you so much regret that it’s worth powering through a little awkwardness? If so, then do it! If not, find another name.
Regardless of which way you lean, the best plan of action is probably to go into the delivery room with a few front-runners and then make the choice after you meet him/her. Good luck!
Also thought of this and agree – if it is boy and they want to use Eliot for him it’s even less of an issue!
I think it’s totally fine to use Elliot this time around. Using Swistle’s spin, I wouldn’t have a problem growing up in either sister’s position. Swistle did a good job of making each girl feel special about her name. As for other people’s reactions, I think it will last for approximately 5 minutes before they just accept that these are your children’s names. Use the name you love.
I don’t know. I think I’m going to have to disagree with Swistle on this one. I don’t think the issue should be what other people will think, but what might your daughters think? You could be setting yourself up for either 1) Kensington feeling she wasn’t good enough for your favorite name, or 2) the new baby feeling like she was just given a leftover name that you didn’t think was good enough for her sister.
I agree there are enough other names out there that you can find something else you like.
Swistle has it right. It’s all about the “spin”, as they say. There’s nothing wrong with using Eliot for this baby, but you can save yourself a lot of grief (from others) by getting your narrative down pat before the announcement, and not deviating from it. Even if you feel some guilt or anguish about it, don’t let on to anyone outside your immediate family, because it opens you to unnecessary criticism. If you’re firm, lighthearted, and brief in your explanations, no one will find much of an opening to needle in and unmoor you. And it’s fairer on Eliot, though I am 99% sure that by the time she’s old enough to notice, everyone will have forgotten.
All of that said, I do like the suggestion someone made about Ellery– it’s not Eliot, but it’s similar. It enables you to put the whole issue to rest. And it’s easier to spell. Just my two cents!
While I like Swistle’s spin, I think it’s too soon, especially for siblings so close in age. It feels a bit like a hand-me-down name and being baby #4 I’m sure there will be plenty of hand-me-downs going on and a name doesn’t need to be one of them.
I’m curious: Did you send out birth announcements for baby Eliot The First? That seems more difficult to overcome reusing the name than if people just heard the baby’s name via word of mouth.
I’m unsure about this. On one hand, Swistle NAILED the narrative about re-using Eliot. Tons of people have names picked out, and then they have the baby, and it’s like they get struck by a lightning bolt “This baby IS Matthew, not at all a Michael.” Play up the identity aspect and not the hormonal mother aspect for sure. People re-use names from their list for the next baby all time.
UNFORTUNATELY, letter writer Kristen’s regret that she used Eliot as the legal first name of her daughter is exactly the crux of the matter. People knew Kensington as Eliot for two weeks, it was announced to people, there is a legal paperwork trail linking Kensington to the name Eliot, etc. The story Swistle told is CHARMING and AMAZING, but how will the girls feel about this when they are older? Kensington could feel like she wasn’t good enough or right as an Eliot and then Mom and Dad FINALLY got their precious Eliot, grumble grumble, and Eliot could feel like she got a used and hand-me-down name from her older sister of all people, grumble grumble.
Now I’m going to list the options I can think of:
A) Use Eliot and the identity-based story
B) Put Eliot in the middle name slot, which I honestly feel gets around a lot of the secondhand concerns AND gives baby Mackenna/Other Name the OPTION to use Eliot ON HER OWN TERMS
C) Use Ellery as a substitute for Eliot… lots of great El- names out there to consider as well
D) Use a name that ends in the -et/ette/ot sounds… Harriet, Isabette, Lilibet, and Linnet come to mind
E) Discard Eliot entirely and start from scratch. Since lots of us are talking about identity, what about going to the hospital with at least a few options, taking a few days to meet the brand new person, and then naming her?
Be kind to yourself. This certainly an uncomfortable position to be in, and unusual in one sense but completely normal in many others! You LOVE a name but it may not be usable anymore! Much like if my sister has a baby and uses the name I picked out, or I have a student who is really challenging and has a name I was seriously considering. Lots of people give up names that they love or find ways to use them anyway!
I think you can make it work. If you only used Eliot for the first two days chances are good no one outside of you close family members even remember that fact. With my second girl we had a name that we called her my entire pregnancy. We told everyone that is what we were naming her and never even bothered having any back up names. Then she was born and she just wasn’t that name. It completely didn’t work on her. She’s four now and thinks it is fun that we had a different name for her until we actually saw her. I think if you spin it like Swistle suggested that both girls will think it is a fun little connection to each other.
I have two cousins whose names were changed shortly after birth and 15-20 years later, though it’s part of family lore, no one really cares or thinks about it. I also don’t think it would have been weird for the discarded names to have been used again should their parents have had another baby. Both of them seemed to have the same realization you did: it just wasn’t quite right, and we’re going to switch it. I don’t know that anyone would react negatively to you reusing the name, and I don’t think you need to justify it much, either – just “Yep, we finally got our Eliot!”
Perhaps when she arrives, you’ll change your mind and decide you’re feeling too much baggage with it, and go for something else. (The earlier suggestion of Ellery sounds perfect for your bunch – Ellery Mckenna!) But please, if you’re in love with Eliot, please use it and know that you’re thinking about it way more than anyone else!
Eliot is totally fine. Love the naming story of “now we have our Eliot!” I think you should use it and I don’t think any of the other concerns brought up are an issue at all.
Unusual? Yes. Mental double take? Sure. Terrible/awful? No, not at all.
I think the story will only carry as much emotional weight as you let it. After the initial quizzical looks, unless you bring it up all the time, I don’t think it’s going to be much of an issue.
I like others’ suggestions of giving yourself a day or two before making any name official or announced. Gives you the chance to see if this one really is Eliot or not.
Love the name Eliot, and I like Swistle’s suggestion.
I do not know a single girl/woman who would have been upset about a younger sister being given the name they were initially given. I actually find it hard to believe that it could be an issue. Kensington wasn’t an Eliot. She was a Kensington. If your new baby is a girl and you name her Eliot, it’s because she was an Eliot. I seriously can’t fathom a person being troubled or upset by this.
Me again, the one who sent in this question.
Firstly, I have to say you all are awesome! Even if you disagree you are all so kind and respectful and on the internet, these days, that’s not so easy to come by. Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to comment on this.
I’ve read all of the comments and everyone definitely has valid points whether you agree with Swistle or not and I love that.
I think as of right now we are still on the fence but definitely leaning towards Eliot/Elliette is okay to use. All of your comments and concerns are definitely helping me see all sides.
I’m looking forward to reading more if anyone else has anything to add.
If my parents gave me a name when I was born, then changed it, and then gave it to my little sister, that would bother me. It would especially bother me if people said “you weren’t Elliot and this baby was the real Elliot.”
I think there is the potential for the child to feel as if she wasn’t good enough or failed to live up to the name and only the next child met the expectations To be given the special name. As much as you rationalize and explain it, emotions are emotions and sometimes they are unpredictable. I think your initial thought was correct and inutitive: you used the name once and therefore you need to choose something else.
Or, they decided that their daughter Kensington was too special to be given a name simply because it was their first choice. They wanted a name that truly fit who she was, and Eliot was not it. Kensington was always a top contender, and the more time they spent with her, the more they knew that that is what she was supposed to be called. They love her, and they love her name, and they think it fits her perfectly.
Eliot is still a beautiful name, and maybe it will fit their new baby daughter.
My mom’s name is Mary, and she almost used it as the middle name for my younger sister, Caitlyn. In the end, she decided not to, because she said she thought I might feel sad or upset about it (I was five at the time). I am now 30, and I can’t think of a single time period where something like that would have bothered me.
But, I will agree that emotions are emotions, and sometimes they are crazy. So maybe I really am in the minority.
Hi Rachel,
You are absolutely correct, but my point wasn’t about how the parents feel and what their rationale is but how a child may feel about it. Emotions are a funny thing and when it comes to children and siblings parents can’t control or predict how their child may feel. I think a parent can explain to their children their intent but we can’t control how our children feel or react.
I also want to say that I think a lot of people live with name regrets and it’s not that uncommon. Our firstborn was a girl and we had a long list of names that we loved. We chose Alexandra and then our second child was a boy. Our absolute favorite boys’ names are Alec and Alex, but we couldn’t use either because of our daughter’s name. We absolutely regretted that we hadn’t thought things out when we named our daughter and considered the potential of a boy down the road. These things happen.
This might not be a big deal, but there is plenty of government paperwork that requires any other legal names you’ve had in your lifetime. So Kenzie would have to write down her sister’s name as one of her legal aliases. That might be awkward.
I can also imagine in a dark moment one sister might snap to another, “Yeah? Well, you got my leftover name!” And the other reply, “No, Mom and Dad wanted me, but you got in the way!” Yikes! I mean, even with Swistle’s brilliant spin, it does still sound like the parents were expecting Eliot, but Kenzie showed up instead.
Ellison, Elodie, Miriette, Collette, Ellery, and Amorette might tickle your fancy. Or perhaps you will have a son named Eliot instead. :)
Best wishes to you and your growing family!
Excellent point about legal paperwork!
Not really. I can’t think of a single jurisdiction that defines a name changed before 2/3 months of age as a ‘former name’. Sure, it might be worth asking your local births, deaths and marriage office (or equivalent), but I would eat my hat if Kensington is considered by law to have a ‘former name’.
To answer this question. No, this isn’t a problem. Kensington is legally Kensington with no former name. It was changed on her birth certificate just 2 weeks after she was born. A somewhat easy change, as if there was a spelling mistake, if that makes sense. We luckily had a connection and got it done rather quickly. I think if we waited any longer we may have run into a problem.
Friday morning I went to an estate sale where I picked up & examined a piece of antique indigo silk the size of a small tablecloth with cream-colored dragons interspersed every ten inches or so. It was in extremely poor condition–worn, faded in spots, torn in others. It was $2. I channeled (or so I imagined) Marie Kondo’s “life-changing joy” criterion and put it back down. I drove home (17 miles) without it. The sale closed at 1pm, soon after I left, but was due to open again Saturday morning at 8. All Friday afternoon & evening I dreamt of this piece of silk. What was wrong with me? It was amazing! Abundant creative ideas for its use arose. I berated myself for leaving it. How could I live without it? I was utterly stuck on it, a song stuck in my head.
Saturday morning came. Was I really willing to drive 34 miles round trip on the off chance that it would still be there? Was it meant to be? Was this actually a material (forgive pun) or spiritual problem? Could I bear the disappointment if it was gone? Couldn’t I trust that other beautiful, as yet unseen, opportunities would present themselves in the future without running around so acquisitively? I began to get annoyed with how stuck I was on it–did I even remember it accurately? I realized I couldn’t accept being so fixated on something, that even if I did all the driving & was lucky enough to acquire it, the memory of being so dwarfish about needing it would always taint its presence………
Now maybe you’re lucky enough to not mentally/emotionally operate this way. But, from your letter, I’m not so sure. How is it even possible that between you and your husband you can’t imagine another dozen imaginative and amazing names? Swistle often makes a case for a good name being a good story–a story you’ll be able to tell your child again and again, one that will become part of their lore. In this case, there’s a good “spin” for the adults but not such a good “story” to tell your daughter/daughters/children. Instead it has all the makings of a convoluted hard-to-explain naming story. So of course you can use Eliot if you love it. (Not sure about MacKenna in the middle–this really does intercept Kensington in a way that leaves me uncomfortable). But you can also simply open yourselves to the wondrous universe of names while waiting to actually hold this coming daughter in your arms. Good luck, I applaud your courage in putting your question out there.
I think the main issue is whether Kensie will be given all the details. If she knew that at some point you had remorse (the feeling that you blew it) over her current name, then use your actual favored name on a second daughter, she would probably feel jealous or hurt. But fortunately, she is young and family history hasn’t been set in stone yet. In fact, the use of Eliot probably isn’t a big deal, just how the story gets told. I want to echo the others in congratulating you on your self-awareness by asking for opinions. You are obviously conscientious and caring :)
Kristen, I just caught up with your clarification about feeling that Kensington was right for your first daughter, which renders my point nil…apologies.
I think you should use Eliot. I’m partly biased because I have an Elliott of my own (boy) and one of my co-workers has a daughter named Elliot, and I love the name both ways :) If you love it, you should use it.
I wouldn’t necessarily not use a name just because of something your daughters *might* fight about or feel bad about in the future. My siblings and I have fought over so many things in the past and I think it’s nearly impossible to keep your children from feeling bad about things, either real or imagined.
How you frame things really will make all the difference, and if both girls grow up hearing that they were named the names that were 100% perfect for them, I think they will come away with a positive impression that their parents love them and care about them as individuals.
I think it depends on how you feel: do YOU feel that Kensington’s ‘real’ name is Eliot? Or do you feel you gave her the wrong name originally, you regretted it, and so fixed the mistake? From your comment, it sounds clearly, clearly like the latter. As far as I’m concerned, that means Swistle’s suggested narrative is not spin, it’s the truth – you gave the name ‘Eliot’ to the wrong baby – whoops! But you realised your mistake an fixed it right away. That means you can absolutely use Eliot for another baby… Just give yourself a few days at least to feel you made the right choice. I actually think it makes for a lovely story – it’s like your surprise unplanned fourth baby was actually always destined to be part of your family – like you unconsciously knew there was an Eliot out there but she wasn’t here yet.
Mmmm…I don’t know, this is a hard one.
I really like the name Eliot, A LOT, so I can understand why you would still want to use it. But, as much as I like it, in this case I think I would have to let it go. Perhaps, because I like it so much, I would move it to the middle name spot but, as it would always feel like I had already used it, would definitely be off the table as a first name.
Some suggestions anyway (Boy and/or Girl):
Emerson
Grayson
Peyton
Remington
Madison
Preston
Linton
Lawson
Colton
Beckett
Lincoln
Weston
Wesley
Waverley
Prescott
Whitaker
Beckett
Hayden
Morgan
Good luck!
I think Kensington might feel hurt to hear that her parents “finally got their Eliot,” as if they were disappointed that the name was not right for her. Then again, she might not. I would err on the side of caution and use Eliot as a middle name instead. As first names, Mackenzie and Kensington sound too similar for me. Maybe you would like Avery/Averie, Emory/Emery, Emerson/Emersyn, Carys, Kai, Keegan, Sawyer, or Sutton?
You may also like Lennon, Lennox, or Maddox/Madyx.
Just a hypothetical question – what if this new daughter doesn’t seem like an Elliot either? I’d encourage you to explore some other options just in case and like others said wait a couple days to put it on paper.
Elliot can always be a special name to you even if neither daughter is one.
Just thought of Colby/Colbie too.
I’m on the side of the commenters that I would NOT say anything to the effect of, “we finally have our Eliot,” or “we thought Kensington was you,” etc., not for the new baby’s feelings, but for Kensington’s sake. I think it makes her sound like an accidental baby not deserving of your favorite name. In fact, I don’t think you need to spin it at all. “We love the name, but it didn’t feel right for Kensie,” is good enough. :)
I like the name, but will say that in the sibling group of Kamryn, Logan, and Kensington, if I saw an Eliot I would guess he was a boy (unless Logan was also a girl and I knew that beforehand). I don’t know if that particularly matters though, really. The spelling of Kamryn and girliness of Kensington make Logan and Eliot more masculine in association to me (this sentence feels all kinds of grammatically wrong to me… but it’s late!).
Yes, agree with all of this! I definitely don’t like the phrasing, “We finally got our Eliot!” It makes me cringe in the same way three little boys would feel hearing, “we finally got our girl!” when their new sister arrives (or vice versa), as if they weren’t good enough/as wanted.
And I do also love the name Elliott, Eliot, etc., but It does feel more masculine. If you were definitely going to use it, I think I would go Elliette. Normally I don’t love the unusual spellings, but this is sort of pretty, and it fits in with Kamryn’s different spelling, too. But personally…I think I’d go all new name. :/ The good news is, there are soooo many amazing girls names…I swear I could name a dozen. :) it might be fun to go back to the drawing board!
Like ema said, if I saw a sibling group with those names I would assume that an Eliot was a boy as well. If given a more feminine spelling (Elliette, Elliotte) I think it could work, but I think Kamryn and Kensington are definitely girl in spelling (and both start with a K) so I think that if used, Eliot should have a more feminine spelling to match her sisters.
My concern would be that this could become an issue between the sisters, no matter how you present it. Your second daughter WAS named Eliot; you did choose that name for her, call her Eliot, give that as the name for her birth certificate, tell others it was her name, even if for only a short period of time. Even though you changed the name, it seems that within your family the name Eliot still belongs to her. Some possible issues of giving Kensie’s younger sister her former name have been discussed. Another concern is that Kensie someday decides SHE prefers the name Eliot. Stylistically the names are very different. I would definitely not reuse the name Eliot.
I do think, no matter what, you should be considering other names. Maybe as a mental trick, try imagining that Eliot is off the table for some reason– your sister-who-lives-next-door just surprised you by using it first, or it got connected to a notorious person (all of this is a stretch, but hear me out). What would you use then? As Gail said above– there are so many wonderful names in the world. Why not try to expand your love to other names beyond Eliot, that will be free of baggage? Just as an exercise. Good luck!
Of course you CAN use the name Eliot. But it’s ok not to use it as well.
So I’m not quite sure how to phrase this, but … with the last pregnancy you loved the name Eliot but were plagued by indecision on whether or not to use it. Is that going to happen again this time? Are you going to be full of doubt and indecision about whether to use it again? I mean, have you written to Swistle because you don’t know whether to use it, or whether it’s ok? Are you still going to be doubting it in six months time? In which case, don’t use it.
Maybe your tastes have moved on. After all you chose the name maybe five years ago? It’s ok to still love it but decide that the window for using it has gone.
If you’re looking for more ideas I would suggest Leighton Claire. To me Leighton is a boy name but I understand it’s being used a lot more for girls these days, and it seems that you like unisex names. I also notice that your first two girls middle names are Alexis and Bree. I would definitely be inclined to give the new baby (if it is a girl) a middle name beginning with C.
Good luck.
I don’t think you should use it. As others have said it can be spun positively for the adults in your life, but I think the girls will see the negatives regardless of how you explain it to them. If you do use it I really really don’t think you should say anything along the lines of “we finally have our Elliot!” If I were Kensington I would be extremely hurt by that.
I remember reading about someone who did something similar on nameberry years ago. http://nameberry.com/blog/ooooops-baby-name-mistakes
The author doesn’t seem traumatised by it so I guess it can work. I think it is all in the attitude but reading your letter I wonder if you can be casual enough to pull it off – one teary declaration of regret to your daughters would probably be enough to spin it negatively… Personally I would do it but I also wouldn’t be a person to feel angst or worry about a name decision that is already made.
Sorry – I didn’t mean that YOU shouldn’t feel the way you feel just that I wouldn’t.
I’m voting that you are allowed to use Eliot if the baby turns out to be Eliot. I think sometimes a name is just a name, and sometimes a child is supposed to be named something specific. My fourth baby was supposed to be Brigham John and the minute we (hubs and I) saw him, he was Eli. It wasn’t even really on our radar. Our most recent addition (seven months old) was going to be Annabel. I had picked the previous two names and I wanted my hubby to have his favorite to thank him for letting me pick the other two. Besides, I really like the name Annabel–it is bouncy and fun. But . . . I couldn’t reconcile myself to the name no matter how hard I tried. Then I stumbled across the name Clover and knew it was the right name–even though it isn’t really my style and I still sometimes wonder if I even like it that much. Regardless, it was very clear that Clover was her name.
I think Kensington was telling you the same thing. She was a strong little person who knew her name and made sure you figured it out as well. I can’t imagine any hard feelings about it from anyone’s perspective.
My sister, Kayli, was going to be named Lindsay but my older sisters freaked out because they had an acquaintance of that name at school for whom they did not care. Emphatically. So, my parents bowed to public opinion and named Kayli, Kayli. Several children later, they had another girl and named her Lindsay (the baby girl of our family–spoiled rotten, as she should be) and nobody cared because the disliked Lindsay was a distant memory. My sister Lindsay has never had any problems with having the “rejected” name. It is just a family story like so many family stories.
I would say “in short” but this has been lengthy so I can’t, I think Eliot works just fine for this baby if you see her and feel that it is her name.
Congrats on your pregnancy. I’m in the first trimester of a surprise pregnancy (number 8). This baby (who we will call Badger if it is a boy, and probably Annabel if it is a girl), will arrive about 15 months after Clover came. Good thing I have a lot of helpers.
Two thoughts:
(1) Most people will never know that Kensington’s name was Eliot for two weeks. The majority of those who do know will understand when you give an explanation like the one in this post. Those who won’t understand probably wouldn’t be happy with your choice of name whatever you picked, so you can safely ignore their opinions!
(2) It’s less common nowadays, but it used to be more common to have living children in the same family with the same name. (You see this a lot in older genealogical records, but I have a colleague who has two older brothers both named Karl; one was named after the paternal grandfather, the other after the maternal.) So if you’re worried on account of the weirdness of having named two children the same name, even if one of them was ultimately changed: Don’t be. This isn’t an unheard of thing.
I don’t see it as a problem at all.
I think it’s an awesome naming story and that your daughters will hopefully see it that way too and have a laugh about it all. I can see it as a story told around the dinner table or shared with friends as they grow up with many giggles and jokes thrown in the mix, a bit of teasing but all in good jest.
My question is: Will you use the name Eliot regardless if it is a boy or a girl? I think you should, love it for either sex
All the best
Just caught up on all the comments. Wow! You’ve all given me a lot to think about. A few people have asked if we would use Eliot for a boy or a girl. We obviously like it more for a girl but don’t hate it for a boy. So we’ll see….
I want to thank you all again (yes I keep repeating myself). It’s nice to see I’m not alone in my passion for names and you’ve all given me some great examples.
It’s hard to know what my girls (potential girls bc we don’t know if this baby is a boy or girl) will think of this if we ultimately went with Eliot. If my kids turn out like my brother, sister and I they are sure to tease me about it when they are older. When I picture it, that’s how I see it going because that’s how we are. A very lighthearted sarcastic family.
A lot of people have also asked if we have other names and/or if I’ve looked for other names. To answer that question, yes….none of them feel “right” though. When we named Kamryn and Logan, months before they were born I got that “this is it” feeling. I never got that with Kensington until she was a couple days old. Hence, the situation we are in now. This has helped me so much and helped me to see both sides. It’s definitely given me some clarity on my feelings and thoughts too.
Use it if you love it. I don’t think anyone will be damaged by your decision. In fact, I think it makes a fun story.
My older sister was born two months premature. My parents, in shock, completely forgot what middle name they had chosen. 8 years later, I received that middle name. It was never a source of anger, embarrassment or shame. Just a fun family story.
In fact, my parents had my sister’s first name chosen, but when the nurse asked how they wanted to spell it, they had no clue. They let the nurse choose and so she was named Keri. My parents are wonderful and love us very much, so I try to remember this story as I desperately search for my future child’s name. Relax and choose what makes you and your husband happy. Good luck and congratulations!
I agree with Swistle; this baby *is* Eliot. I wouldn’t fluff up the spelling, it’ll only complicate (take this from a ‘Leigh’). Best wishes to your family!
Am I right that Kensington is not quite 16 months old? I’m not sure why a baby who doesn’t even know the story’s feelings are being considered so heavily. I agree with Swistle, and I also know a sweet girl named Eliot!
Her future feelings are being considered as in , how will she feel at 8, 15, 34?
When the op named her daughter she didn’t just name a baby she named a child, teenager and woman. That is just one reason why names are hard – because you deciding for a person you don’t fully know. :)
if it helps, my grandparents wanted to use their favorite name, Susan, but their first born did not look like a Susan to them so they picked a different name for her. They ended up using Susan for their second daughter. Everyone in the family knows the naming story and it is not a big deal.
I think it’s ok to use Eliot (again). I do think you might get some jokes when you initially announce the name. “How long until you change it this time?!” That kind of thing. As long as you’re ok with laughing that off, go for it. I like Swistle’s suggested approach, presuming that when this baby is born you feel like she is an Eliot. :)
I’m so glad Swistle picked your letter. It IS a difficult situation. I can relate to your feelings of indecision, confusion, naming rgret – I have a son and am perpetually questioning whether I have him the right name and if a previously discarded name could become useable for a baby #2, etc.
Let’s see. My thoughts:
– if you do go with the name, I’d use Eliot, not Eliette. It’s the name you love. (Also, I personally don’t like the spelling.. It feels “forced feminine” to me.) I do like the name Eliane though- just for another option.
– agree with others who advised against the “we finally got our Eliot” narrative. Kensington is Kensington and Eliot is Eliot. That’s the way I would tell the story. Feeling out the right name is a real challenge, esp considering pregnancy and then birth hormones!
– totally forget about what other people might think.
– if the other poster is right and Kensington does NOT have a former name, that makes it so much easier.
– Mackenna does sound similar to Kensington to me too.
– I really like the ideas of looking for more inspiration, then going into the delivery room with a few options. Why not take advantage of filing the birth cert as late as possible? Naming someone right after birth is a crazy idea in itself. In India, they apparently take 3 months after birth to name “baby!”
PLEASE send us an update when you make your decision! :)
This is great! I think Tenley is perfect with this sibset. It’s also my 14 month old niece’s name, and I adore it. I can relate to having favorite names and not getting to use them. Neither of my daughters have any of my favorite girl names, but they have names that are right, if that makes sense.
What a charming little face! Welcome Tenley!
Tenley is like Eliot in reverse, sort of. :-)
She’s an especially cute baby, congrats.