Hi Swistle
I wrote to you over 4 years ago when we had trouble naming my son, who is now called Drew. I’m pregnant with a 2nd boy, and debating the name Tatum. It’s my maiden name, and it sums up all the happiness and love of my parents. But Tatum has been used with girls, and I’m concerned about having a boy named something that is assumed to now be female. I’m particular that my children have names that are clearly gender-specific when printed on their resume.
We would call him Tate, so does that change things?
Sincerely,
Emma Bronson-with-a-J
If your goal is a clearly-gender-specific name, then Tatum does not meet that goal. According to the Social Security Administration, in 2014 the name Tatum was used for 828 new baby girls and 462 new baby boys: the name is currently unisex, used more often for girls.
That same year, the name Tate was used for 27 new baby girls and 796 new baby boys, so that ought to improve the boy-guess rate if you use it as his nickname—but it’s impossible to know how many of the Tatums are going by Tate, and generally full names are used on resumes and class lists.
Right now you have two conflicting preferences: one is to use a gender-specific name, and the other is to use your maiden name. You can only meet one of those two preferences. Which one weighs more, if you put them on a balance scale? Which one gives you more happiness to think about?
It may be that it will work better for your family to use Tatum as a middle name. You could even call him Tatum/Tate, but then on the resume it would be, for example, “Patrick Tatum Bronson”: completely gender-specific, and he can tell them later to call him Tate.
[Readers: note from the 4-years-ago post that Drew is a nickname, not the given name. The given name is gender-specific.]
Name update!
Hi Swistle,
I’m delayed in responding to our baby name. I apologize, because we’ve been in the war zone with this newborn. I am proud to report we were surprised to find out our little future baby boy was a girl on a 2nd ultrasound. Little Benjamin Tatum surprised us and needed a gender specific name and a whole new wardrobe. So we fought and struggled with how to incorporate Tatum into a feminine name that suits.
Anne Tatum is her name. She was born December 15, and has continued to remind us of how difficult newborns can be! She is an angel when she’s sleeping. So far we like her good ole southern double name. Via text she is AT, but Anne Tatum suits her well. Unless she wants to find her name preprinted on a souvenir. I am so thankful for the comments and support of you and your readers.
Love,
Brandon, Emma, big brother Drew and Anne Tatum
Hmm…I think this is a tricky one. Tatum is definitely mostly female now, as Swistle points out by the numbers, and because of Tatum O’Neill it also reads female on a pop-culture level (and has for decades). But I understand the desire to use your maiden name as a first name. You say it “sums up all the happiness and love of [your] parents”… that’s incredibly sweet. But it also makes me wonder, are there other family names that do the same? Like, for example, your mother’s maiden name? Depending on what it is, you could use your mother’s maiden name as a first name and Tatum as a middle, thereby honoring both parents.
Or, you could adapt to circumstance, and use Tate. It’s not quite an honor name anymore, but close enough.
I read this site all the time and this is the first time I’ve felt compelled to comment. I LOVE when it works out that a maiden name can be used as a first name. I say go for Tatum nn Tate. It’s not so common that there will be five other girl Tatums in his school. Second choice for you would be to use it as a middle name and call him Tate anyway.
I haven’t met a Tatum before, but if I heard the name I would assume boy. I’ve known girls with boy names and boys with girl names, and it’s not a big deal. Once you meet the person, you know. If your maiden name were Kelly or Shannon I might tell you not to do it for a boy, but Tatum is much more neutral. And as a PP mentioned, there are so few Tatums out there that to most people he meets he will be the only one and they will consider his name all boy because of him.
Feel confident in your choice – it’s a great name.
I agree with Swistle; if a resume with the name Tatum came across my desk, I would assume it belonged to a female candidate. I think you have a few options:
– Go with Tatum as a first name, and be prepared for some confusion.
– Move Tatum to the middle name slot a la Patrick Tatum Bronson and call him Tate.
– Convert Tatum to Tate and use that as a first name.
– Convert Tatum to Tate and use that in the middle name slot and call him Tate (I think it’s a lot to not only have a child go by their middle name, but also a nickname of that middle name).
– Find a different, more clearly male name to honor your family.
Personally, I would use Tate in the first name spot. I think it still honors your family; for example, if someone wanted to honor their family name of Coleman, they could use the name Cole and I think it still honors the family. If your heart is set on using Tatum in the name without any changes, I would strongly suggest using it in the middle name spot and finding a new first name that you love.
The only Tatum I know is a girl, but when I hear “Tatum” I think Channing.. so I still think boy!
I would use a masculine middle name – then on resumes and class lists it will be clear it’s a boy.
I think Channing Tatum too. Had no idea Tatum was more of a girl’s name! Or a given name at all, really.
I think Tatum is still perfectly usable for a boy but if you want no confusion, I think using at the middle or with a traditional male middle is a great solution. I like the idea of Tate as a nickname better than as full name just because with honor names it seemed to dilute it the more you change it. BTW, Drew and Tate is a very nice sibling set.
If I read the name “Tatum,” I would immediately think of Channing Tatum, which is a total deal-breaker for me. I didn’t think of Tatum O’Neill until somebody mentioned that person in the comments. I actually don’t know who that is (a woman, apparently), but I’ve heard the name before. I don’t know anybody named Tatum, so I wouldn’t have a solid guess on gender if I read the name on a resume. I’m 30, if that helps you gauge perception.
So, here’s the thing. You can’t always control for gender of a name or even gender of a child. There are girls named Drew (i.e. Barrymore). Your kid might grow up to be trans or gender non conforming or change their name as an adult for any number of reasons. So if you like Tatum, go for it.
My first guess was Tatum= boy. But then, I’m hopeless about knowing and remembering celebrity names. It was a guess though. I would wait for further info if I came across that name on a resume. If you really want gender specific, I’d put it in the middle and then call him Tate if you want. If that becomes less important to you, I think Tatum is great!
Tatum immediately reads girl to me, and Tate immediately reads boy. For me, the chance to use my maiden name as a first name would outweigh the slight inconvenience of using a gender neutral name.
If your goal is to give your children names that are gender specific when printed on a resume (as opposed to all the time, no matter what), then I think this is easily solved by using Tatum with an unambiguously masculine middle name. You won’t be able to force your son to use his middle name when he fills out resumes, obviously, but he’ll have the option and that’s really as much control over the matter as any parent gets. If you wanted to, you could even choose a J name for the middle…I don’t know if there’s stats available on this, but it seems to me like TJ is pretty exclusively male if you want to give your son that option.
On a resume, I would assume a Tatum is a female and a Tate is a male.
I like Tate with Drew but agree with Swistle that you need to decide which value is more important to you … Using your maiden name or avoiding a unisex name.
My maiden name is Reagan and though I like it as a first name either gender, I would not name a son Reagan because of the unisex issue. But my opinion on this is colored by the fact that my ex-husband and my current father-in-law have unisex names and both said that has caused them significant problems. Both hate their names and I wouldn’t pass that legacy onto a child. But I expect you will find others who say they know men who love their unisex names.
In your situation, I would use Tatum as a middle name.
I had no idea Tatum’s stats leaned to the girls when I first read the letter. The -m sound sounds masculine to me, like Adam, Malcolm/Callum, Ephraim, Abram… I’d say use it with a traditionally masculine middle and go by Tate. People learn and adjust. There are so many gender ambiguous names now that people won’t begin to assume in the years to come as much. I know people in their teens and 20s from both genders named Taylor, Hunter, Kelly and even Storm.
Since your concern is specifically the resume: name him Tatum Brandon Bronson or Tatum Joseph Bronson, and he can use that with the masculine middle name in full on a resume. Call him “Tate”. Love the name and the family connection.
I only know a girl Tatum, but I would be unsure of gender if I saw the name on my class list. I would definitely reference the middle name to be sure. I wouldn’t necessarily know the gender for Tate either.
Having Tatum on a resume does not meet your requirement that the name be gender specific in that format. If that’s really the bottom line, better move on to a different name. Even if you were to have a girl later on, Tatum wouldn’t obviously be female either. Tate would be much closer to an obvious male name (for me, anyway) and, like others have said, could still be in honor of your family. I love the name and would be so happy if it were a family name for me!
Personally, I’d go with Tatum (traditional male name) LastName and call him Tate. Tatum as middle name seems like a decent option as well, though I agree that explaining that he goes by a nickname for his middle name might get cumbersome.
“I go by Tate” is a simple sentence though, and one that you and your son will likely get very used to saying, no matter how you choose to use the name (if you do)!
Ive always really liked the name Tatum for a boy but was always scared to use it as Ive only ever known it used for girls even though I think its very masculine. The name Tate is a great name and I think it still honors your family and it is clearly a boys name, I think you should just go with Tate as his full name!
I’ve always thought of Tatum as a girl’s name but would add that it is the name of golfer Dustin Johnson’s son with Paulina Gretzky. I like idea of using Tatum in the middle name slot even if you intend to call him Tate, if your desire for a gender specific name outweighs your desire to use your maiden name.
Ok, this reflects a dark time in playground memories… but I went to school with a Tate. He was called Teat or worse Tit, by the bullies. He was a really nice guy, and a friend of mine, but I have an aversion to the name now. Maybe it is a unique problem due to playground drama.
Even worse… the actor Channing Tatum has the nickname “Charming Potatoe” (Tatum–> Tater –> potatoe) on a blog I read, and his child is referred to as the Tater Tot. But I assume you’ve already familar with Tatum-related nicknames
Because of these issues, if you were my friend I would recommend keeping the name Tatum, but in the middle name slot. Boys can be cruel. eg. My brother’s friend Darcy got called Darce-hole sometimes… by his FRIENDS!!
I’m so glad you brought up the nickname of Tator/Potato! We were called the Tatum-tots as kids, and it actually always made me smile. Of all the nicknames a kid can carry, a vegetable has t be less threatening than rhyming with a body part or something similar!
PLEASE USE TATUM! It’s awesome. He can write Tate on a resume (I see that a lot- reference to what applicant goes by as in Robert “Bob” Smith) or use his full name with the super masculine middle you will give him. It’s a rare enough name that many non-name nerds won’t be sure boy/girl and Tate is so very cool. I am also very ok with it as a middle as long as he goes by Tate full time. My dad goes by his middle and he doesn’t think it is a hassle.
I cannot tell you how much I like Tatum for you (how did you not use it with Drew?)
GO Tatum!!
For the first baby, I wanted to use it as a middle name and my husband was cranky that day! So I chose Porter, instead, which was someone else’s maiden name that I always loved (and was associated with beer, which won him over)!
My sons middle is Porter too!
800 girls + 400 boys makes Tatum a pretty rare name. Chances are good that he’ll be the only one around with the name, and it’s a surname besides. I think it’s absolutely worth using. I myself hope the gender ambiguity will be a nonissue on resumes by the time he needs one – because honestly, why should that be an issue?- but it is easily worked around by using Tate or his full name at the top.
I truly thinknthe diversity of names, and the popularity of surnames as firsts, works in your favor here. I’d go for it.
I did read your other letter, though, and wanted to mention that I knew a Patrick nn Trick, which my younger self thought was super cool.
My name is Mary Katherine but I go by Katie (and have since birth), and it really isn’t too big of a deal. Most of the time I’m just able to introduce myself as Katie so it’s only in official situations like the first day of school, etc when I have to be ready to explain that I go by Katie, not Mary. I think naming your son (insert masculine name) Tatum Bronson and having him go by Tate is an excellent way to reconcile both your desire to use the name Tatum/Tate and to have a clearly masculine name for official matters. It really isn’t that complex, and it’s certainly not unheard of to go by a form of your middle name, so people would get it pretty quickly.
When I read ‘Tatum’, I think girl. But I wouldn’t be shocked or surprised if I met a boy Tatum.
The fact that you want to call him Tate makes it even simpler. Tate is a stand alone name, so if your son decides he doesn’t like Tatum or doesn’t want to use it on his resume, he doesn’t have to.
I’d happily use Tatum for a son, especially if it was my maiden name.
I loooove Tatum for you! I have a very masculine immediate association with it thanks to Channing Tatum, and it’s just a fun name to say. Give him a super-masculine middle but otherwise I wouldn’t worry about it. Yeah Tatum!
When I was last pregnant, my husband and I nixed a unisex-leaning-girl name that I really loved for a boy. and I’ve been having regrets ever since. It doesn’t help that I’ve met two boys with that name since then, and it sounded great on them! I say go for Tatum. I like the idea of a traditionally masculine middle name, which could be used on resumes, etc, to clarify if need be, or to switch to if it bugs him that his name is unisex. (I know one teenage male Kaylin who usually goes by his middle and it hasn’t been a big deal for him to switch). Also, I’ve always been secretly jealous of women whose maiden name made a nice first name, so I think that’s a huge point in its favor!
If I had a good maiden name like Tatum, I would use the HECK out of it, no matter what sex my baby was. He could totally just use Tate on everything except extremely formal things and if he were filling out a job application or something, he could say Tatum Smith, “Tate” or Tatum “Tate” Smith. If it is bugging you, I love the idea of using Tatum in a middle name slot and going by Tate from the beginning. I know approximately 1,000 Marys who go by their middle name.
Thank you for all the comments! I feel like the ongoing discussion will give us an answer after we mull on it for a while. I really love Tate and Drew together, and perhaps Andrew Porter Bronson and Tatum Benjamin Bronson will be obvious brothers with no gender questions in our tiny town. Aside from a birth announcement or a monogrammed outfit, I don’t know that his full name would come up that much anyway. On a resume, he could simply put Tate Bronson. I do think Tate as the legal name dilutes the honor a bit, but I’m not completely opposed to it. I really appreciate everyone chiming in. The girl/boy associations amongst everyone has really helped me conclude that Tatum is not gender-specific, at least. So what is my goal, to honor or to be all boy? I will keep you posted!
I don’t think you mentioned Benjamin as the middle name choice before, but Tatum Benjamin Bronson is an awesome name.
I totally agree! Tatum Benjamin is a CLEARLY masculine name, and like so many other people, I just LOVE LOVE LOVE the chance to use such a great name (AND a great maiden name!) for your son. Tatum Benjamin & Andrew Porter; Tate & Drew. Lovely!!
How beautiful is Anne Tatum? Both the baby and the name! Seriously though, that name is stunning! Seems like a character in a book. Love.
Thank you, Marissa! I was thinking her name would look fabulous followed by CEO of Facebook or Secretary of State She seems to have leadership qualities already, and when I say that, I mean she’s a diva. A darling little diva!