Hello Swistle!
I’m so excited to be writing, and I’m so hopeful that you can lend your ear and help me find a good name for baby Jenkins number FIVE arriving in June! I have a long list of preferred requirements for a name, but they can mostly be summed up in the following guidelines:
1. Easy to spell when said aloud.
2. Easy to understand (i.e. over the phone).
3. Not too many matchy/rhyming names through the sibling set.
4. No formal name that defaults to a nickname for everyday use.To give you a complete picture, I think I’ll start with my oldest child and explain a few things about what we’ve done so far. Our oldest is Abigail Kate (nn Abby). My husband and I agreed on Abigail pretty easily, but we were at odds about the middle name (I’m bracing myself now because I know you’re not going to like what comes next!). I grew up without a middle name and HATED it… until I got married and now I LOVE it. When I was a kid I got to imagine up my own middle name, I didn’t feel like I had to give anything up or make a hard choice between keeping my middle or maiden names, or both, when I got married. I simply gained a husband AND an extra name to tag on the back. My husband advocated for a middle name, and I wanted to leave it without. We flipped a coin in a smoothie shop, and you see who won! I don’t hate her middle name, but it’s just a name we both liked with Abigail/Abby, and if I had it to do over again I’d likely skip it. I’d also just name her Abby, since that’s what we call her 95 percent of the time anyway.
Our second child, a boy, we named Evan Campbell. I loved the soft simplicity, sort of worn in feel of Evan, and Campbell is a family name on my side with a deep meaning which I was very excited about. It fits my list of criteria, and I’ve been really happy with it. My husband kind of had the final say on both of the first two kids, and we agreed that I’d have the final say on the next two.
Our third pregnancy was (surprise!) twins! We got a boy and a girl, and I was so so careful with those names. I wanted them to blend well with the others, but pair nicely with just the two of them, but also stand alone well. We debated between Henry/Claire and Hugh/Molly. In the end, we decided to go with Hugh and Molly. I would have loved to have chosen Henry and Molly, but I felt it too matchy matchy with an Abby, Henry and Molly…and Evan. For our son, we chose Hugh Douglas, even though Hugh breaks both rule 1 and 2 because Hugh is a family name on my side, and Douglas which is my dad’s name. (And here’s where it gets fun!) For Molly, we chose JUST Molly, as in Molly no-middle-name Jenkins. I felt that I was giving her my middle name, which is to not have one. We often call her Molly Belle because she was so tiny on her first Halloween that she fit into a little Belle dress for an 18” doll, and it’s just sort of stuck. I feel SO MUCH HAPPIER with her fake middle name than I do with Abby’s real one. With Molly I just FELT that her name was meant to be Molly and just Molly, and she’s the first of any of my kids that I’ve felt that way. With my older two, I never could commit 100%, which is why my husband got the final OK. This time I just felt it for the name Molly, which dictated what happened with Hugh’s name, which I was perfectly happy with.
So. Here we are, with baby number 5 on the way. I’m not sure who gets the final stamp of approval rights this time, but I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s me! We have the slight advantage that these babies have all come in close succession (Abby will be 6 when baby 5 arrives) and also the slight disadvantage that these babies have all come in close succession (leaving less brain power than I once had!) To recap, here’s what we’ve got:
My husband, Kristopher Michael
-I’m not fond of either of his names. I especially dislike that his name is spelled with a non-traditional K, making him Kris instead of Chris to most everyone, and that his middle name is just a name his mom liked for no particular reason.Myself, BriAnna no-middle-name
-forever explaining the capital A which was supposed to feel a bit like having a middle name as kind of two names put together as one, but really just made cursive in the third grade a little harder to navigate.Abigail Kate
-I wish I would have gone with just Abby, but Kate with a K could work as a partial, albeit very slight, nod to my husband’s name spelling if we don’t use his name elsewhere.Evan Campbell
-Family name Campbell.Hugh Douglas
-Family name Douglas.Molly no-middle-name
-Because I feel remorse for Abby’s middle name.We’ve just found out that the baby is a girl! I’ve got a list of choices that I can see working, but nothing that I’m totally sold on. This begs the main question, middle name or no middle name? Many of my family members couldn’t believe that I named one daughter with a middle name and one without, but I felt like if I HAD had a middle name, I could pass that on to one daughter and not the other and that wouldn’t be odd at all. With a third daughter, what happens next? I do know that I feel strongly that if she does get a middle name, it should have meaning and heritage, or else it should be omitted, as therein lays the heritage. Some of the names we are considering for a girl are:
Claire
-This feels maybe worn out from being a top contender last time, although it’s lovely. Maybe Clara instead?Jane
-Jane Jenkins? Too much? Not Enough?Beatrice (nn Bea)
-I think this is DARLING, but for everyday use Abby and Bea is just too similar to be workable, and I don’t like Tris. If I HAD to choose a middle name, I think I would choose Bea, because Abby Kate has the K for Kristopher, and _____ Bea has the B for BriAnna.Lucy
Hazel
Alice
Nora
Ruby
-This is my husband’s suggestion, but I like it.Ahhh! I feel better now that that’s all out there. Swistle. Help! I’m a planner and would love to put a name to this sweet surprise baby to help her feel more real. I’m open to suggestions as well as your input about what we’ve got on the list so far… and go easy on me about the middle names! J
Grateful,
BriAnna Jenkins
You were right, I AM feeling all squirrelly about the middle name situation! But I WILL go easy on the topic: if it had come up back when you were naming Abby, or when you were naming Molly, I might have gone Full Swistle on it—but at this point, we are working with a set of already-made decisions, and I feel like you could go either way on the next decision.
If you DON’T give her a middle name, I like that the exception to the pattern is the firstborn: firstborns OFTEN have things about their names that are different, because of being firstborn. I also like that Molly wouldn’t be the odd one out: a 3-2 split seems so different than a 4-1 split.
And if you DO give her a middle name, I like that she has a middle name. It’s not that I think middle names are so crucial (I wouldn’t be the least bit squirreled-up if none of the children in the family had them), but I will say again (just once, because I know you already know) how much I dislike the idea that a girl’s name is not complete until she’s married (with the implied presumption, intentional or not, that she WILL marry and WILL change her name), while a boy’s name is complete from birth. I think you really could keep Molly from feeling left out with the “you have the same middle name as Mommy!” concept, even though I think passing on the absence of a name is not quite the same as passing on a name: YOU feeling it’s the same is what would be important here. A good happy-parent naming story is valuable and important, and you’ve got one. You can play with her the “choose your own middle name” game, have family jokes where you’re Mommy Belle and Molly Belle, and so on and so on. The question, I think, is “Can this odd-man-out situation be considered SPECIAL instead of LEFT OUT?,” and the answer here I think is yes.
In short, I think both ways can be right.
If you decide NOT to give her a middle name, you probably don’t need me anymore. Clara Jenkins is wonderful, and probably my top choice from the list. Jane is one of my favorite names, and with Jenkins I think it has a certain flair. I like the way Lucy and Ruby give all three girls names ending in -y (if we count Abby as Abby instead of Abigail), while neither boy has that. Nora Jenkins is another hit, I think, and I like it with Abby and Molly. Alice seems a little similar to Abigail/Abby; Ruby seems a little similar to Abby; Hazel seems a little different in style than Abby and Molly; but all seem like fine candidates.
If you DO give her a middle name, then this is the point at which I would turn my attention from your very good finalists list to the middle name issue, in case the middle name helped us narrow down the first name. I like your idea of Bea, to be a little bit after BriAnna the way Kate is a little bit after Kristopher. I also like the idea of using Anna, since that was sort of a stand-in for your middle name: you’d have one daughter with your actual childhood middle name (nothing) and one with your sort-of childhood middle name (Anna). Or, if you’ve made your maiden name into your middle name, I like the idea of passing on your actual current middle name. (And if this is the case, it seems worth noting that you now DO have a middle name and are no longer BriAnna no-middle-name—and that it was upon acquiring a middle name that you finally stopped hating not having one.)
To add more options to the list, I would use whatever method you used for finding your sons’ middle names. Part of your regret over Abigail’s middle name seems to be that it was just something that sounded nice, instead of being a significant family name like your sons’ middle names. Are there women in the family you’d like to honor? More family surnames to consider?
Once you have a little list of significant names, try them out with the list of first names: sometimes pairing the right middle name with a first name can make the whole thing click into place. Or perhaps that exercise will demonstrate that you really, really don’t want a middle name, in which case you can revert to that plan.
Name update!
Hello Swistle!
I’m so happy to be writing to update you on the arrival of our little surprise baby number 5! We definitely needed your help because this was the longest any of our kids have gone nameless and we were still discussing names while we were in the hospital after she arrived. In the end, we owe her name to a reader comment! In my original letter I mentioned both Claire/Clara and Nora, and reader Megz suggested Cora. I loved that Cora didn’t have the “does it have an H or not?” problem that Nora has, but also has the hard C start of Claire and Clara. As I reread my original letter to you, I’ve realized that Cora also hits every single one of my requests that I made for the ideal name. Hooray! Ultimately we decided not to have a middle name at all, but were still deep in the throes of figuring that out at the hospital. Our final three choices were Cora, Cora Bea or Cora B. In the end I was just happiest going without, and my husband gave me last picks. So! I’m so pleased to introduce you to our newest addition, Cora Jenkins :)
I think with 5 children, I would not want only one to have no middle name so I am leaning toward the no middle name option for this little one as well..
My favorite of your options is Nora – both alone and with Abby, Evan, Hugh, and Molly. My seocnd choice would be Clara – Abby, Evan, Hugh, Molly, and Clara.
While I like Ruby, it does feel too similar to Abby for me.
Hello!
Let me just say that in general I adore all of your names! And for a name like Abigail, I think it’s great that she has the long version to fall back on, because Abby SOUNDS very nickname-y, so she may want to be Abigail when she’s older.
I agree with Swistle; I think having another girl and giving her no nickname, OR a family name (I would go with Anna, personally, but Bea is cute too!) sounds like a win whatever you decide.
I LOVE the name Ruby, personally, though I agree the by-by sound is similar, plus you can’t have a Ruby Bea (so in that case maybe no nickname)? I will also say that I always thought Bea would make a cute nickname for Ruby, though I know you’re not that into nicknames/full names AND that Bea and Abby doesn’t work.
I think Clara is my favorite as well. If she ever WANTED a nickname in Claire, it’s there, but it isn’t a name that says “you must give me a nickname.”
Lucy is another name that to me needs a longer name. Though I do think Molly and Lucy and Abby go very well together.
I say Lucy Bea, Clara Bea, Ruby or Ruby Anna, or Jane or Jane Anna. Lastly, if we’re just picking a fun middle name (which I know you’re against but I’ll throw one out there anyway), I think Hazel would be an adorable middle name for Ruby or Jane.
Good luck, I think you already have some wonderful names out there!
My favorites are Claire, Jane, and Nora.
My crazy idea for splitting the difference between a middle name and no middle name is to give her an initial middle name that’s significant. That way nobody is the odd man out and they’re each unique in their own way. My favorite initial would be K, but that’s probably too close to Kate. J might be nice..any chance your grandfather was named John, Jack, or James? Or you could use B. and get Bea, which you love, as a sometimes-but-not-always nickname.
My most favorite suggestion for you would be Jane J. Jenkins. I like the alliteration, and I like the way that Jay is a word and a name on its own, and I like the way that it leaves her options open for if she gets married and decides to change her name.
Ouch. Whatever your reasonings are, it’s still uncomfortable that you had no problems giving your sons middle names (because you assume as males their names and identities are set in stone forever) whereas you felt like you should leave a blank space with your daughters because you assume they will eventually take on their husbands’ surnames. Essentially, the idea is that they are incomplete until they reach that point and assume their husband’s identities. Whatever your thoughts are about feminism, can you see how uncomfortable and unequal that way of thinking is? What all or some of your daughters decide not to marry, or even if they do, choose to retain Jenkins? How odd it would feel to know that one’s parents had a very different set of ideas in line for your brothers than for you… I would not like that.
I also don’t understand this idea of giving them a middle name as some kind of burden if they do choose to use their husbands’ surnames eventually… As if the choice between using one’s given middle name and maiden name is such a burden that it is better to have never given the choice in the first place. What? It doesn’t make sense. A woman can easily choose to use both, along with her married name, or one, or neither. It’s not life or death.
Honestly, if you are open to giving this baby a middle name, then I’d look into amending Molly’s birth certificate to add Belle. It’s really not hard to do in most states, and I have a feeling she would genuinely appreciate it someday when she’s older. You can tell her later that you and your husband couldn’t make up their minds which name to put down, so left it blank, but once you’d settled on it realized you’d made an error.
Okay, onto the name ideas:
-Have you considered Beatrix instead? It offers the cute nickname of Trixie, which I think is a lot more stylish than Tris.
-Ruby is really cute and to me not too close to Abby.
-Jane Jenkins is a bit tongue-twistery to me. What about Juno? It has a very different feel from your others, though…
-Lucy is great and its sensibility aligns really well with your others.
What about Lucy Claire or Lucy Campbell?
I just feel the need to voice my strong agreement with Kaela’s first three paragraphs. She said what I was thinking.
Out of the names you are considering I love Clara, Beatrice, Nora and Lucy. I think Nora or Clara fits perfectly with your children’s name . Good luck!
Just wanted to clarify to Kaela and Ashley. If you read carefully, she explicitly says that she DISLIKES the thought that a girl’s name isn’t complete until she is married.
My grandmother’s family, a crew of 2nd generation Norwegian Americans from Minnesota, all grew up without middle names: Pearl, Reuben, Inez, Alice. Same for the men and the women.
If BriAnna found the flexibility of no middle name freeing, and is interested in passing that flexibility along, I think that is fine. To assume that she is not aware of feminist issues because of Abby and Molly’s names seems like an overgeneralization to me.
There’s a difference, though, in the family you mention where boys and girls were treated the same (no middle name).
While I don’t think anyone is trying to say that the letter-writer is unaware of all feminist issues, she is perpetuating a naming tradition wherein girls names are treated differently not for flexibility but for ease of the name-change that would come with marriage (no middle name to worry about dropping, easily slide your maiden name over and tack on a married name). Thus, her girls names are not complete until they are married, which doesn’t sit well with some of us.
My secret girl name crushes are Lucy and Claire. I hope you use one of those. I also love Nora and think it’s so sweet. I like the idea of using a y at the end like the other two girls but don’t think it’s necessary. Just feels kind of tidy on paper. I love Jane but I’m not crazy about the alliteration but I think that’s my neuroticism showing through. Obviously I think Jane is a great name because I used it! What about Lydia? I think Liddy is a cute nickname too.
The middle name situation is kind of funny to me. I was always proud to have a middle name (none of my cousins do or my mom) and one day my mom said to me “the only reason you got a middle name was because Anne was so short so we had to do something, or else I wouldn’t have.” She laughs now that I’ve propagated the tradition and given all my girls middle names when mine was basically a necessary evil in her mind. I love middle names for subtle tributes, though. Will’s middle name is after a friend and uncle, Kate’s after my mom (although it’s not the exact name), Elizabeth is after me and Jane now has Caroline for all the Car- names in my life (my cousin, fake sister, etc) as a subtle tribute. I think if you add meaning to it it’s an extra special thing and I like that they look so nice on paper and are fun to say aloud.
Can’t wait to hear what you do- can’t believe you’re having number five!
For the record I didn’t just throw in a random middle name. Your middle name is a beautiful combination of your parents names, just like you, the best of both of us!
My sisters and I were not given middle names, although my brother was. I have always felt it was unfair and resented my parents for doing this. So, I want to encourage you to give your daughter a middle name, except for how that singles out Molly. I really like the suggestion above of using an initial in the middle name spot, so that no one girl is the odd woman out. I would use B, for your name. It sounds like the name Bea but also has some of the mystery that you liked about no-middle-name–she can play with what it stands for as she grows up.
I have to agree with other posters that is seems really unfair for the boys and eldest daughter to have middle names, but not Molly and this new baby. I understand your reasoning regarding Kate and not wanting to repeat something that you regret, but are there NO women in your family that you would like to honor? I mean, even family surnames work well as middle names if you are of the mind that a middle name must have some significance beyond sounding nice with the first name.
Also, you say that you hated not having a middle name as a child. I feel compelled to point out that it is only as a married adult that you can find the acceptance of not having a middle name, since your maiden is now residing in that space. I’m sorry but I think your two youngest girls deserve a true middle name, not a placeholder.
Wow. I think it’s funny that some things parents assume their kid is going to feel one way because that’s how they felt. A lot of times, we don’t know until after the fact if that was the best choice for the little individual being with autonomous feelings and preferences. Personally, I have no IDEA why women have a hard time taking on their husband’s last name. (Though, I get that some do.) Regardless if you take on a different name or not, you are forging a new life, a different you, than when you were single. (So is your husband, btw.)
Don’t put wanting a middle name on this unborn child just because you would want a middle name. You don’t know until they have a voice to express what they would want. (It’s part of what makes parenting challenging,) Maybe she’ll be sentimental, traditional, and loyal and would LOVE to honor her maiden name and married name the way her mother has.
Not all women choose to get married.
You and I completely agree on the point that we can’t know what the child will want. But that’s why I advocate giving the same format of names to girls as to boys. Naming a girl differently because she’s a girl and might want to marry and take a husband’s name is what seems to me like making MORE assumptions about what the child might want. Giving her a standard first/middle/last like her brothers seems to me to preserve MORE of the idea that she will be a person with her own preferences and feelings (who might not get married, or might marry someone who is not a husband).
As it turned out, I did give my daughter a different format from my sons, but it had nothing to do with accommodating a name change. In fact, my daughter does have a middle name, as I do. My sons have no middle name, as my husband also does not. There is slightly more to it than that (because, of course, I am a big name nerd) but still.
Your comment perfectly expresses my sentiments!
Hello fellow Jenkins family!
I was delighted to see the same surname as me! I won’t unload my lengthy list of name ideas on you, but will say that Nora is a fantastic name. Ruby is great and is also on my list, but I would like Abby’s name to continue to feel distinguished and not so matchy.
Clara is fantastic as well and I like the hard C sound at the front of the name to balance the hard k sound at the end of Jenkins. Clara Jenkins is quite beautiful and works fine without a middle name.
I secretly always wanted to be Jane Jenkins! News anchor or super-spy or novel writer!
To throw a few more options into the ring, my Baby Jenkins list includes Tess, Sara Beth, Nina, Sonya, Robin and Sandy.
:)
I say give baby a middle name and give Molly one too ;). Molly Belle is perfect! I have a niece who has no middle name and her sister does and ah it’s just less than stellar and it is something that we avoid discussing as a family because the niece has strongly hurt feelings about it. She’s a teenager now. The general feeling towards the parents is sort of along the lines of any name is better than no name, especially for a girl because they often love to talk baby names as they grow up. It also sort of comes across as if you couldn’t be bothered to think of another name – clearly that is not the case at all but most people won’t hear the story. If you choose not to give Molly a middle name, I do think the best bet would be to continue the joke that she got your middle name – nothing! That makes it a little more fun! Good luck!
Just wanted to add my voice to the pro middle name camp – and encourage to officially add Belle to Molly. You have such excellent names for your kids and a great list to choose from. I dropped my middle name after I got married and now go fully by firstname maidenname husbandslastname. Kind of an unofficial hyphenation. All that to say is now I want my middle name back officially since my maiden name has turned into “last name” again. Confusing enough for you? Let your soon to arrive daughter have her own fun with what to do with a middle name :)
Clara Bea gets my vote, and I also encourage you to officially make your other daughter Molly Belle. It’s easy, inexpensive, and I feel strongly about it being the right thing to do. However, I am me and you are you. :) In general, I think your children’s names are lovely. Congratulations on your newest addition, and please update us on what you decide!
Why does this have to become a feminist/equality issue?? It’s a question about what first name to choose, and if she should use a middle name or not. BriAnna didn’t state anywhere that she didn’t want to give her daughter a middle name because her daughter would have to get married to complete herself and her name, or that she was choosing not to give her a middle name because she’s anti female…
So, to add my 2 cents, I like either Claire/Clara and Lucy for first names, and I think the choice to add a middle name or not can go either way. I’m not for or against.
I think it’s for the same reason that recycling has to become an environmental issue: because that’s the category of issue it IS. When we treat boys differently than we treat girls, it’s an equality issue. It may turn out to be a perfectly legitimate one (for example, currently we think it’s fine to name boys David without saying we have to use the name equally often for girls; and no one argues that people who are physically female must be given prostate exams), but whenever we are treating people differently based on sex, it is a sex/equality issue.
Not everyone sees this as treating boys differently than girls issue though. In this instance she didn’t say that she wasn’t giving her girls a middle name to force them to marry to be complete. Why can’t we just answer the question, and let it rest? She has a legitimate reason for not wanting to give her girls a middle name, because she wasn’t given one herself. Instead people want to blow it out of proportion, and criticize her for her choices.
…particularly when she asked to be given a break about the middle name issue.
I didn’t realize this naming thing would receive so many opinions. I’ll give you my thoughts. I kept my middle name when I got married, and dropped McArthur. I was rarely called by all three, but often was called by my first and middle name, so I kept what I feel is my whole name (first and middle). When your girls get married they can decide to keep all of their given names ie Abigail Kate Jenkins “Doe”, follow in your footsteps, Abigail Jenkins Doe, she could do what I did Abigail Kate Doe, or she could choose to get rid of her middle name entirely. Who knows maybe Molly will add Belle to her name when she’s older. I think, maybe, you’ve been over thinking this. Although, I no longer have the name McArthur in writing, on my drivers license etc. I am in no way less of a McArthur. I love my parents and grandparents and am proud to have them as my heritage. Whether I use it in my everyday dealings isn’t a big deal.
And for the record, I love the name Lucy! You could even use the Anna idea, but make it her own by just using Anne, Lucy Anne!
Good Luck, we’re having our own naming issues here:-)
Totally agree with you – for me, I felt much more connection to my maiden name than my middle name, so when I married I moved my maiden name to the middle spot and dropped Nichole. I still use it informally, mostly when my kids are asking about middle names, but I love having the connection to my family and heritage there. I did think about just making it a second middle, but again, I felt a much stronger connection to my maiden name, and I’m so happy with the decision. My own mother was Leigh-Ann, no middle name, and I know she missed having one and was happy to add her maiden in that spot when she married.
I think, for the letter writer, that it might be important to keep in mind that her daughters will always have the option of structuring their name like hers (or mine): first, maiden, married, if/when they do get married, regardless of whether they were given a middle name at birth or not. Really, giving them one just gives more options, both for their own self expression later, and to honor important people, create a bond with special meaning, communicate your dreams or hopes for the new life, or just (equally as important for this name nerd!) to use more beautiful names you love.
http://www.designmom.com/2009/11/ask-design-mom-week-—-baby-names/
Design Mom, Gabrielle, has a big family of 6 kids and only one of them, the second to youngest girl, doesn’t have a middle name. They liked the sound of her name so much…Betty Blair, they though it didn’t need another name. They did have another girl after her and she does have a middle name.
Of course you can do whatever feels right to you. But that was a similar situation that popped into my head. I do like all the names you are considering. Very pretty.
Okay, hear me out, because I have a brilliant idea…
TWO MIDDLE NAMES.
For example, Clara Ruby Jane Jenkins (with a slight emphasis on grouping the two middles together when you say it aloud, so no one thinks it’s two people–Clara Ruby and her co-anchor Jane Jenkins).
What do you think??? Here’s what it does: takes the middle-name pressure (for all three of your girls) completely off the table.
The story then becomes, “We went with slightly different naming systems for boys and girls. For the boys, we went with the pretty common one-middle-name structure. For the girls, we mixed up the middle names–our daughter Molly is just Molly; Abby has one middle name; and Clara has two. None, one, and two!”
Or, if you wanted, you could go with, “We really wanted one girl to have no middle name at all, to match Mommy; but then we had a backlog of names we liked, so we gave two to the youngest member of the family!” (I think I like the first story better, though.)
Clara Ruby Jane Jenkins
Nora Jane Beatrice Jenkins
Nora Beatrice Jane Jenkins
Nora Jane Claire Jenkins
etc., etc.
Personally, I’m in love with this idea…but if you’re committed to either one or none, I say don’t give her a middle name at all (unless it really is strictly because you want her to have a blank space available for her husband to eventually write his name on).
Signed,
Shannon [Middle name 1] [Middle name 2] [Surname] (yes, my parents did this to me, and I’m a fan.)
I love Nora with this sibling set! Nora Jenkins is such a pretty name. I think “Bea” is a great middle name choice, too: Nora Bea Jenkins.
We have a Norah Elizabeth, who often goes by Norah Beth, which has since been shortened to Norah Bee. We love it and think it is darling!
I haven’t read all the comments so maybe someone suggested this but how about a hyphenated first name?I like Clara-Jane and Lucy-Jane personally. That’s kind of a compromise between one name and two. Sounds like two, looks like one.
One of the points of a middle name is to make a name more unique among all the people who share the same first and last name. For example, if you are a published author/musician/scientist/etc, you could publish under Jane B. Jenkins or Jane Bea Jenkins instead of being confused with other Jane Jenkins. The last name Jenkins is common enough that I would think you would want to give the children a middle name for that reason alone.
I live giving new baby a double middle name. I think Ruby Jean sounds better with Jenkins than Jane and Jean is so underrated as a middle name. Claire or Clara Ruby Jean Jenkins.
I like the idea of two first names no middle name. Then she will still have two names and be unique from her sisters AND her mother, and yet it’s still a nod to you by having two names for a first. Like one person said Sarah Beth or Clara Jane or Hazel Ann (double nod). As she gets older she can continue to use both as her name or choose one she feels suits her better. AND still allows her to marry or not without affecting the integrity of the whole name.
I want a post a little bit of a defense of no middle names…it isn’t always inherently a gender thing, it can also be a cultural thing…so the idea that a child without a middle name is one nobody cared enough about to give a middle name is pretty unfair. If this letter was written by a Mexican American woman married to a white man, and they had children named Elizabeth, John, Guadalupe and David, people might worry about Guadalupe feeling different, but not that she is less loved or that an ethnic name is a sexist choice for a girl that assumes that she’ll never need to submit a resume.
I think the letter makes it completely clear this isn’t even remotely an issue of caring less or loving less.
Yes! Now I’m re-reading my comment to make sure it doesn’t sound like I think it is. I love middle names, but BriAnna has me pretty sold on the significance of passing down the style of her own name, and I imagine her daughters will get it too.
Maybe one solution for parents looking for ways to make this tradition more gender neutral would be to also not give boys middles, and plan for them to eventually use their spouse’s surname in the middle. Still leaves out people who don’t get married, but at least it leaves out girls and boys equally.
I agree that passing down the tradition of no middle names to both genders changes how I look at it completely. Only leaving a girl with no middle so she can move her maiden name there makes me feel like passing up the firstborn daughter for the crown in favor of the younger brother.
Giving both twins no middle name could have also been a special twin pattern too.
I like the suggestion of a letter middle name, like Bea, Jay, Kay, Elle, or even Vi. Jane Bea Jenkins is adorable, or Lucy Elle Jenkins, Ruby Kay Jenkins, you get the idea.
Since you actually do have a middle name, why not use your middle name for this daughter?
I also don’t see having to chose to keep middle or last name when you marry as a hardship, rather it is a fun choice and opportunity! I kept the names I was born with, they are my name. My aunt was called by her middle name, but chose to marry and change her name to drop that middle and move her original last name in the middle. From Susan Sara Doe to Susan Doe Johnson called Sara by everyone.
I was quickly rereading the post and found that instead of Jane Jenkins my mind read Jen Jenkins. I wonder if others might do the same.
If you love Beatrice, remember there are other possible nicknames – Betty is my favourite. Beatrice “Betty” Jenkins is a spunky name! Bess, Bessy, Belle and Bix are other options.
Good luck!
As far as the first name goes, much depends on individual preference. I would prefer not to have all girls ending in the letter Y, or to have alliteration, or to double up on initials, or to have Abby rhyming with Bea.
Which just leaves Clara and Nora. Or have you considered Cora?
As far as the middle name situation goes, I would look at it this way…
1st child – Dad’s choice / Dad’s initial
2nd child – Mothers family name
3rd child – Mother’s family name
4th child – Mother’s choice / Mother’s name (or lack thereof)
It seems to me that the next child should have a middle name from Dad’s side of the family. Are there any women in your husband’s family that he would like to honour?
I also like the suggestion of doing two middle names just to be different
Good luck and please let us know what you decide.
Hands down my vote is for Lucy Bea. I have a Lucy and wanted to use Bea for the middle, but couldn’t get hubby on board. We used a family name, which actually fits her perfectly.
Other suggestions:
Sarah
Faye (my favorite)
Beth
Julie
Grace
Paige
Good luck!
I only just skimmed the other comments, but I would strongly recommend that you give your third daughter a middle name. I think you’ve done a good job of spinning Molly’s lack of a middle name as giving her YOUR middle name. I can get on board with it, and it actually feels even more normal to me now that you are having a third daughter that you can give a middle name. It keeps the “Molly was named after mommy” thing, rather than turning it into an “Abby’s name was a mistake” thing. Because, ultimately, if your middle name had been, let’s say, Marie, it would be conceivable that you would pass down the name Marie to ONE of your daughters . . . or perhaps to ALL of your daughters . . . but to your second and third daughters but not the first? That seems far-fetched and highlights your first daughter’s name as a mistake.
I would strongly suggest that you find something about Kate that you love. I don’t disagree with you for wanting middle names to have some heritage/meaning, but I do find it sad that you have so many regrets about the lack of meaning in Kate. There are so many wonderful Katharines throughout history — can you get attached to one of them and feel, retrospectively, that Abby was named for one of them?
I agree with the Kate thing. My first daughter is named Kate so I’m obviously biased but Kate is a beautiful name. There are so many great Kate’s out there and it has a beautiful meaning- “pure” in Greek. Plus I think it’s really pretty! You can always add meaning later even if it wasn’t intended at the beginning.
Here is my naming philosophy:
We chose to give each of our children a first name that was unique to them. They are individuals with unique talents, gifts, and mission and purpose in this life. We wanted that to be reflected by giving them a name that would show that. (that being said, our children’s names are not invented or spelled weird or anything like that, we just didn’t want them sharing their first name with friends, relatives, or 3 other kids in their school classes). We also looked at the meaning in naming books associated with each of the names we chose to make sure it wasn’t jarring. Alyssa means rational and if you’ve met her you know what a brainiac that girl is. Mikayla means arch angel and I can’t think of a more fitting name for her. Carter is simply someone who drives a cart but has deep roots in English, Scotish and Irish names (Woods and WIlliamses are nearly 100% British) so while the meaning isn’t deep, there was nothing off-putting and we liked it.
We chose to give each of our children a middle name of significance. We chose to middle-name them after people in our life/family that we thought they could look up to, emulate, and learn from. It was less about that person feeling honored and more about our children having a role model. Although one nice bi-product has been that the person after whom they are middle-named seems to have taken an extra interest in that particular child, kind of like a god parent. Christopher and I were both middle-named after someone of significance, and we both felt that growing up. Christopher William is after her grandfather to whom he was very close growing up and Rebecca DeAnne was after my mother who is an incredible woman and role model for me. I always felt sorry for my siblings who were given middle names “just because” it was a nice name while I had a name of significance. Alyssa DeAnne is after myself and my mother, with the hope that she will one day grow to be a strong, independent, loving, service oriented woman. Mikayla Joanne is after my grandmother Joanne who is easily one of the most remarkable women I know- think Lucy Mack Smith and that will give you a little idea of my grandmother, on her 7th mission at the age of 86. Carter William is named both for the long line of William Woods in Christopher’s family as well as a little nod to my maiden name of Williams.
We chose to give all of our children the same last name, taken from my husband’s family. When we married it was hard for my to change my name. I had been told to always honor the name of my family in a blessing when I was younger, and I didn’t want to let go of the identity I associated with my maiden name. The solution for me was to have two last names, Williams Wood. However, when our children were born we decided it was important for a sense of solidarity, unity, and a bit of social convention, that we all have the same last name. So while my last name is Williams Wood legally, I refer to myself simply as Wood to have a sense of family belonging and unity.
As for the names you are looking at, I think they are lovely. My thoughts we be these:
1. Lucy is adorable but is heavily used right now–it seems to me everyone has a baby girl named Lucy and so there is a high likely hood of have 2 or 3 Lucys in her class. I was one of 3 Rebeccas in first grade and was nicknamed Becky to keep things simple for the teacher. That nickname followed me through all of school until college and I HATED it, so be careful about having a name that is too ubiquitous.
2. I love Ruby but agree that it is too similar to Abby.
3. I have been a longtime fan of Jane but Jane Jenkins is too heavy sounding. Perhaps if you added a soft middle name it would work, like Jane Marie Jenkins, but without a middle name I think its just to much.
4. Have you considered using our maiden name as a middle name? Less common for girls but I think it can work. Or you could chose a derivation of Livingston like Liv which is the swedish word for Live/life.
5. Since all of your children’s names sound like characters straight from Anne of Green Gables, I like Nora or Hazel the best. Can I also suggest Lacey? I think it fits perfectly and is a little nod to you and your talents.
If you don’t want to use a middle name, then don’t.
I think the double first name with no middle name is a great solution. All your girls names would be different / unique, thoughtful, and meaningful. I would leave out the hyphen, but that’s just my preference. (Are you pronouncing tris, like Trish?). FWIW I don’t think you can make up for a fault in one child’s name by naming your other child a certain way.
Alice Jane
Clara brie
Lucy Ann
Claire
Clara Bea
Mary Clare
Beatrix ruby
Lucy Shannon
Lucy Shauna
Elle Nora
Eliza Jane
Or a compound first name with all lowercase
Annemarie
Leanne
Corinna
Georgianna
Gloriannne
Ellenora
Kristina
Louann
Rayann
Rosanne
I’m torn about the middle name situation, as it is presented. In your situation, I would let it come down to if I had a name I’d be sad I didn’t get to use. Clara is my favorite option for the first name. I like both Clara Bea and Clara Ann. I also like the idea of using a name that has family significance, if there is no honor name you’d like to use. For example, the city where you and your husband met.
My mother had such a hard time choosing a first name that she gave me just a middle initial and told me when I grew up I could choose my own! It turned into a fun game we played. “What does L stand for today?” etc etc.
THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of your comments! I’ve been pouring over them and pondering all weekend. I totally hear what so many of you are saying about the feminism/middle name issue, and I’d like to add a few thoughts to my original letter to clarify a bit. A lot of you seem to be bothered mostly by the idea that a girl’s name would be incomplete at birth, to be completed upon marriage/name change. I think this is a really interesting idea, because I honestly view it the exact other way around! It’s funny how these things shift from person to person, I think. I know that there are exceptions, but the predominant culture that we live in calls for the wife to take her husband’s name at marriage, which for me makes giving a daughter a first middle maiden name a temporary name, whereas giving her a first maiden name only feels MORE permanent to me than temporary. I also would absolutely not hesitate to omit middle names for boys instead, if our culture were reversed and husband’s predominantly took wives’ last names at marriage. For me it’s not a gender or feminism issue so much as a “this is what we’ve got to work with in this particular culture” issue. :) Anyway, I still feel at complete peace with Molly’s name (we call her Molly Belle around the house the same way we say Abby Girl, Evan Boy and Hugh Buddy, so if feels much more silly to me than like an actual name. Abby wouldn’t go to school and introduce herself as Abby G`irl, and I would be surprised if Molly introduces herself as Molly Belle to anyone… it’s just a fun little nickname that the people who are closest to her use. If she does, though, I won’t stop her). Whether this new baby girl has a middle name or not, I assume that she will naturally pick up a little around the house name regardless, as all of the other children have.
I’m still undecided about what name to choose ultimately, but I think for me my favorites are Nora and Clara, in that order, both with or without Bea for the middle. Keep the suggestions coming though!! I’m loving hearing all of your thoughts.
I don’t understand why a girl would lose her middle name when she gets married.
Just wanted to chime and say that I took my husband’s name but kept my middle name (which meant more to me than my maiden). I don’t think that it has to be the opposite, so a middle name doesn’t have to be temporary. For me middle names are more giving a complete name, with a different/additional meaning, something a little more unique than a first, or to give an honor name.
That said … my daughter’s middle name is Clara, which I think is lovely for a first. And I agree with By and Kaela on Beatrix as an alternative to Beatrice. A great meaning and you can call her Trix or Trixie.
If you do like just Bea, what about Alice Bea?
Congratulations, she is adorable, and so is her name :)