Louise writes:
I’m not sure if you’ll answer my question as mine isn’t a baby name one, but as all the babies that people name eventually grow up and have to use the chosen name on a daily basis I thought my predicament might be an interesting one.
My parents named me Emily Louise, but always intended to use Louise as they preferred that order with my surname (which sounds like Barvee but with an H). It seems like every second female I meet in their 20s has the middle name Louise (I’m 24), but never as the chosen name. I do not like the name Louise- to me it sounds whiney, with the drawn-out ‘eeze’ sound at the end, and as a child I was teased as Lou sounds like loo (toilet in the UK, where I grew up), though I have gotten over that now and quite like Lou. However, I much prefer Emily, but after 24 years of using Louise do you think it is a good idea to change? The double ‘y’ sound of Emily with with my surname doesn’t sounds so great, though obviously most of the time I’d just be using Emily. I currently work in France, where both names are known and used (though Louise is a much rarer older person’s name, like Joan or Felicity). How would I convince my friends and in particular, my family, to use it? Is it a silly idea to try and change it this late in life, or would I always be known as ‘Emily-who-used-to-be-Louise’?. So should I change it, or learn to like my name? (and if the latter, maybe your commentators can convince me to like it!).
Even if you don’t use my email, let this be a warning to parents to use the child’s legal first name- it’s so frustrating to correct doctors, landlords etc., and explain every time someone asks me what my middle name is!
I think if you would prefer to be called Emily, it will work out just fine to make the switch. There will be a bit of a wearying hurdle to get over (the announcement, the explanations, the corrections, the reminders), plus a few lingering issues (relatives and friends who can’t/won’t change), but that it will work out in the long run. It certainly helps on all levels that Emily is in fact your first name. And I think Emily works fine with your surname.
People who already know and love you (family and good friends) will likely take the longest to adjust, and some of them might never change over. It’ll be a little like the grown men named James who can’t get their relatives and old friends to stop calling them Jimmy. This would be a good thing to imagine in advance and see if you can predict how annoyed you’d be by it: would it drive you crazy, or are you okay with having a subset of people who always call you Louise or Louise-I-mean-Emily-sorry-you’re-just-always-Louise-to-me? I wonder if it would help to go by Emily Louise for awhile. (In fact, I love the sound of that; it might be another possibility to consider for permanent usage.)
I don’t think it’s silly to change it at this stage of life, and in fact, age 24 seems just about perfect: you’re old enough to be fairly confident this is what you want to do, but young enough that you aren’t yet settled in for the long haul. There will still be lots of people you’ll meet who, if you switch now, will have always known you as Emily. Many people change names in similar ways at right around the same age you are now, choosing to go by Liz instead of Beth, or by Elizabeth instead of Beth, or by John instead of whatever nickname was used to tell him apart from his father John and grandfather John. And because Emily is your legal first name already, the explanation is relatively easy.
I do love the name Louise, and would be happy to spend some time telling you how much I love it (I do, I love it, I think it’s completely darling and so fun to say)—but if you don’t love it at 24, I’d say you’ve put in a good effort and can love it as your middle name instead. And I love the name Emily, too: it was high on my list for my daughter’s name.
I’m hoping commenters will have anecdotes about changing their own names in this way (from a middle name to a first name, or from one nickname to a full name or to another nickname) and how it went.
Name update! Louise writes:
Thank you so much for including my question! I was encouraged my the postive response from the commentators, so I changed my name on facebook for a bit and told my family and friends I was thinking of using Emily. Everyone (including my parents), was absolutely fine with it, which really surprised me! However, in the end I realised that though I don’t love my name I feel no connection whatsoever with Emily, and I would miss all the (nice) nicknames that I have that come from Louise. After 24 years of identifying with one name it would feel like becoming a different person to suddenly switch- Emily just doesn’t feel like ‘me’. Forms and the like will continue to be frustrating, but I’ve managed so far. So thank you to you and the lovely commentators who encouraged me to switch, but I am going to stick with Louise, and am determined to learn to like it!
This isn’t quite the same, but I managed to leave behind the nickname Jenny, which I always hated, and be called exclusively Jen or Jennifer. I was Jenny at school until sixth grade when I made a concerted effort to drop Jenny. It helped a lot that we moved that year, so I definitely suggest trying to time your name swap for a transition if you can. If not, I’d probably just start saying “you know what? I’ve decided to start going by my actual name as I’ve always liked it better.” (FYI, I love the name Emily. I’d use it on one of my kids.) Good luck, let us know how it goes.
I’ve always hated the nickname Jenny too! My aunt was luckily the only one that ever tried to use it and it just didn’t stick. Probably because I’d give someone the evil eye when they called me that.
Hi Emily – I changed from my first to my middle. (There’s a bit more to it than that, but effectively that’s what I did.) I had a natural change point. I had just finished my graduate degree and was starting a job search. But I was living in the same city I’d lived in for about five years, and knew lots of people from my “old” life.
Most people accepted it quickly. (That’s the surprising part, I think.) A few asked, “Oh, you’re going by your middle name now?” And I would reply “Yes, I always liked it better” or something similarly innocent and we would move on.
Believe it or not, I had a hard time adjusting. I would slip and introduce myself by my old name. My then-boyfriend, now-husband would slip sometimes, too, especially if we’d just spent time with family.
Because the one group of people who have never entirely made the switch are my family. Some have. But many of them use a nickname that is neither my first nor my middle, but a compromise we can all understand. (It is possible that my mother does not actually know my legal name. I should really ask her.)
I did find that I had to gracefully answer to my old first name longer than I wanted to. My alma mater doesn’t care what I would prefer to be called when I need to request transcripts. My bank and insurance company are equally callous. But in your case, the advantage is that you’re going from E. Louise to Emily L. – that must be easier.
Thinking back, I never made a big announcement. I told most people one by one, as it came up. I changed my email address. That was pre-social media, but I think I would have existed as First Name Middle Name together for a while if FB, etc. were around.
Your employer might be the strangest place to change – is it a big company? HR could be helpful. Or not. But people change their names due to marriage, divorce, etc. all the time, so this can’t be completely outside of their experience.
Overall, I’ve never regretted my name change. Not for a second.
Best wishes,
Abby
I am a Jennifer and in middle school decided I wanted to go by Jenna. There were three other Jennifers in my class alone. Fast forward to college when I decided Jenna was just not working. It was a pain correcting people and “Jennifer, but I go by Jenna” seemed to throw people as an uncommon nickname (unlike Jen or Jenny). I switched back to going by Jennifer or Jen. This is all complicated by the fact that I married my high school boyfriend, whose friends and family all knew me by Jenna. So I still have people who call me Jenna, like my FIL and a few friends I’ve maintained since high school, and really, it doesn’t bother me at all.
Based on my experience, I would say go by Emily, if it’s what you like. I agree with Swistle that you are of an age that you know what you want but aren’t too established to make the change. But I would also say that you need to know and be prepared that some people will NEVER use Emily. And if you are okay with that, then it will be a relatively painless change. Most of my friends who have made changes by using their full name instead of a nickname have been successful too. It’s just a matter of patiently and kindly reminding that you’d prefer Emily to Louise.
Before going off to college I decided I wanted to go by my middle name versus first name– and it was a far easier transition than I expected. Old friends and family still call me first name, but it doesn’t bother me one bit. My husband (who I met years after my middle name was my established name) now often uses my first name as a pet name, and rather than finding it irritating, it feels very sweet to me. I say go for it Emily!
I switched to my middle name for my college job when I showed up for the first day of training and there was already another Kerry there, and then proceded to go four years with everyone I met through work calling me one thing, and everyone I met in class calling me another thing…which somehow worked even though at one point I was living with a coworker who called me my middle name and a step-cousin, who called me Kerry. I think the easiest thing to do is to wait until you’re introducing yourself to new people. If you’re 24 and living in a foreign country, maybe you’re likely to switch jobs or move in the near future, and meet a whole bunch of people who will know you as Emily. Or maybe you’re dating, and you can introduce yourself to romantic prospects as Emily. How your existing friends and family react to being asked to change really depends on them, how easy it is for them to remember and how supportive they are of the idea of reinventing your identity. And a little bit on you…it seems like people dig in their heels the most when they think the person changing their name is being silly or rejecting a shared history that’s important to them. Choosing Emily because you’ve always really liked Emily and it’s just simpler this way doesn’t trip any of those reactions for me, but depending how defensive your friends and family tend to be you might want to downplay the disliking Louise angle of it.
My parents had a habit of naming their three kids and then calling them by their middle name or nickname. I was named Meredith Ellen because my parents really liked the name Ellen, but didn’t like having the first name Mary with it. I went through school being called by my middle name and having to explain the situation to teachers and friends.
I always found it a little frustrating. It takes longer to explain, especially if people had questions. So when I went to college, I switched to my first name. It was an easy transition for the most part. I didn’t see anyone from my hometown on a regular basis, so there was no one calling me Ellen all the time (except my parents).
My family and some high school friends still refer to me by my middle name, but I don’t find it annoying. They don’t seem to mind that I’m going by Meredith professionally and personally except when I’m around them. It helps that my sister also switch from a nickname to her first name and I’m not a crabby stickler about everyone calling me by my first name.
I say go for it! (But I, too, really really like the name Louise.)
I have switched my name twice. First time I was in just starting college had two other people with my nickname were already working at my new job. So they asked if I’d b ok being called my formal name. I was happy to have the excuse as I had actually been wanting to switch anyway. My family kept calling me by nickname. But soon everyone else called me the new name. Then twenty years later we moved away and I decided to introduce myself as my nickname again. I joke that in twenty years I’ll switch back to formal name again.
My sister decided to go by her middle name around middle school, but decided to switch back to her first name sometime in her 20s. Most people in our hometown call her by her middle name still, but it’s not a big deal as she responds to both.
Similarly, my husband went by one of those initial nick names, and found that when he started college/work, it was just easier to use his given name. His brother made a similar move from nickname to given name at about the same point in life.
So, I think you’ll be able to make the transition from middle to first name without too much trouble. There will probably be some relatives/old friends who won’t make the change, but most people will call you Emily without question.
I say go for it. It’s an excellent idea to do it while you’re young and transitioning into the adult life you’ll forever be known by.
I don’t have a personal story but I know of several people in the office who go by their middle names and because our company has the policy of setting up one’s email before they arrive, it causes a bit of confusion. I wish they’d just wait until they asked the person what they’d most prefer to go by.
Hello! I am someone who changed my first name legally as an adult in 1987 after having used my new choice as a trial for a few years in grad school. Historically there had been a debate about my name since I was born-my mother thought they’d chosen Beth Ann over Ruth Ellen; my father trumped it to Ruth Ann (w/ the lame excuse ‘I forgot what we agreed on’), after which he’d left the hospital to care for my brother and mom didn’t even know until he told her the next day! Apparently he thought it would be cute to give out Baby Ruth bars instead of cigars. So I was called ‘Ruth Ann’, and when as kids we’d ask each other’s middle names I’d say Ann but my parents didn’t like the name Ruth alone so they call me Ruth Ann… Eventually around 5th grade it became Ruth alone as my baby sister couldn’t manage Ruth Ann. Next, I was very shy when younger and when asked my name gave an almost inaudible answer so people always had to ask again, after which I felt like I had to speak up my ‘Ruth!’. Ugh. Just never felt like a Ruth. Years later near graduating college I brought up my idea to change my name w/ my roommates and found them very supportive. I entertained Beth but ultimately chose Leah, which my parents had chosen as my Hebrew name as a child, though we are not a religious family, nor am I now, but we did a brief stint in Hebrew school as kids and I hoped that it would be a gentler choice for them to accept. I tried it out as a counselor at summer camp; interestingly only one kid finally said ‘hey-didn’t your name used to be Ruth last year?’. Funny. Forward to 1983 when I was making this decision, and my parents marriage is teetering on separation after 27 years-so I had to catch them at the same time to share the news so it couldn’t be perceived as a conspiracy. I announce I’ve decided to change my name. My dad says “well, ______ (last name) is a long name”; I clarify that it’s my first name. My mom says tearily “would you have changed it if it was Beth?!”, to which I truthfully answer ‘probably not, as I find it a more versatile name; and I just don’t feel like a Ruth’. My dad focused on the logistics of the legal change and tried to honor my choice; took mom about 4 years to adapt but eventually she came to understand and even like Leah. I had 2 friends who were roommates in grad school and undergrad who went through a period of ‘and this is Rrr-Leah’ before they adjusted. The rest is history. People who learn of my old 1st name who know me as Leah have a hard time picturing me as Ruth. At 1st I made Ruthann my middle name but dropped it in favor of my maiden name as middle name after I got married. So there you have it! Your situation should be easier w/o having to navigate the legal change. As an aside, one of my roommates had been called Sally since childhood and changed it back to her full name Sarah upon starting college-now we’re old enough to have gone by our current names longer than our former names-time flies! Best wishes to you, and trust that folks who already know you will totally get used to you as Emily!
I made the transition from Liz to Elizabeth when I was in my early twenties. I just started introducing myself that way. My parents (and frankly husband) have never really switched over but it doesn’t bother me (which might be an important difference) (but I also never tried to MAKE them either) and people do understand about childhood nicknames. I think your age makes this an ideal time. People will understand “oh that is the name I went by in school or with my family” right now. Commenters above are exactly right, eventually the only people who even remember your previous name will be family and very old friends. Everyone else will think of you as Emily.
I always went by middle name until I started school, then my middle name at home and my first name at school, and I have no real problem. One factor is that i don’t care who calls me which thing (Jenny or Jennifer or Grace). People who have known me for ages call me Grace. My family calls me Grey, or Jenny, or Jennifer. I have a few cousins who call me Jen. People who have known me for slightly less ages call me Jenny. People who know me through work or grad school or Gabriel tend to call me Jennifer. People I met through blogging/the internet call me Grace (or Jenny Grace). I answer without reservation to all of them.
I have never much cared for ‘Jennifer’, largely because it is so popular for people my age, and one of my life regrets is not fully switching back to Grace when I went away to college. My mom suggested it, and I was SO tempted, but I couldn’t take the potential scorn from my sister. At around the same time, another friend had gone away to college and switched from Katherine to Kate, and my sister STILL 10+ YEARS LATER brings this up as her prime example of pretentious people reinventing themselves in college. Anyhow, I regret not changing my name to my preferred one then. Although my sister would surely mock me for it, I don’t think it would bother me if she insisted on calling me Jenny to make a point, or whatever. (And funnily enough, my sister is one of the people who sometimes calls me Grace).
Uh, that was long winded, but basically, based on my own experience, I think you should go for it. There will people who call you Louise, or Lou, or Emmy Lou or whatever, but new people will just call you Emily, and it’s not so strange to have different nicknames with different people.
My mom has always hated her name (with good reason, as it’s an extremely uncommon name that isn’t particularly pleasing to the eye or ear, and is also almost exclusively used for males) and has no middle name. So she picked a new name, just one that she liked, and started introducing herself to new people as that. She did this maybe 10-15 years ago, when she was in her 40s. She didn’t bother trying to get people she already knew to make the switch, so now she kind of has two names depending on which friend circle she is with. She refers to her new name as a nickname and most of the people who know her by her old name also know that she has this nickname that some people use and don’t seem to think much of it. It went totally fine, and honestly I think her only regret is that she didn’t ask people who already knew her to use that name as well. In retrospect it seems like most people would have adjusted after an initial annoying period, and it would be simpler now if everyone knew her by the same name. And that was even when she was 20 years older than you are now. So I say go for it! Like Swistle says, there will be some annoying hurdles at first but everyone will get over it eventually, and you still have most of your adult life ahead of you, so the transition period will end up being a blip. Good luck!
I haven’t changed my name, but we have a friend who did. She legally changed her middle name and prefers people to call her that. I personally have a hard time with that, because the name she chose is a name that sounds like an adjective (like, say her name was Katie but now she wants to be called Blue). I can’t bring myself to refer to her as Blue, so I basically avoid calling her anything. I know a lot of people still call her Katie, and I don’t know how much that bothers her. Personally I think your name change sounds much more reasonable, but like others have said, expect that not everyone will call you Emily, and factor that into your decision.
I exclusively was referred to by my babyhood nickname (Reeny) by everyone- everyone!, family, friends, teachers, doctors, till I was 14. In high school I decided to start going by my given name (katryne) and though there was crossover it was fully adjusted by 18 and consecrated with a new social circle by college. There are few in my life that still loveingly refer to my nickname but its rare and those people are precious to me so I actually like the specialness of that.
Yes it can be done. Enjoy the people who keep “their” Louise.
My middle name is also Louise. Like you, I find the sound of the name whiny and unpleasant. I’m glad it isn’t the name I am called by. I really don’t think it’d be a problem if you decided to start using Emily. Just introduce yourself as Emily to new people. People who have known you for a while, but perhaps aren’t too close (people you work/go to school with) just explain you’re tired of the confusion of going by your middle name and ask them to call you Emily. It shouldn’t take much for them to get on board.
I agree with Swistle that you are probably going to have a subset of people who always call you Louise. My friend did the opposite, and started using her middle name (she worked with 4 people who shared her first name). Most people now know her by her middle, including her husband. But her family and a small group of childhood friends still call her by her first name. If you are comfortable with this, then I don’t see why you shouldn’t start using Emily.
I have three friends from highschool who all switched names slightly after hs – two now go exclusively by the longer/formal version of the nickname we used to know them by, and one changed her name to a nickname-that-I-didn’t-know-was-a-nickname of her full name.
One guy told us all he preferred his full name now, and we all said “OH! gosh, we’re sorry!” and switched over nearly immediately & seamlessly. The other 2 have never straight up told me they prefer their “new” names, and without that direct notification I find myself unable to keep myself calling them by the name I knew them by for so many years.
So my advice is that if you want to make the change, go for it! But do be direct and just let people know you prefer to go by Emily now. I don’t think anyone will mind / care / make a big deal out of it, but we friends do need some guidance to know what you want and prefer :)
I worked with a lady who’s middle name was also Louise, and she had also always been known as Louise. In her late 30’s, after some significant changes in her personal life, she decided she wanted to go by her first name – Tara. All I can speak to is the response in the working environment, but it went mostly as everyone has already described – the majority of people made the switch fairly easily and without fuss, while some folks took longer or ultimately couldn’t ever remember to call her by her “new” first name without being corrected. Overall, I don’t think it’s a huge obstacle, especially since Emily is in fact your legal first name. Best of luck!
I was exclusively Gigi for my first 16 years and then finally made the switch to my full legal name in 10th grade. I would just advise you to be patient with people. 20 years later and there are still people who call me Gigi. I understand, because they aren’t people I see much. My mom often confuses old friends that she is catching up with…they want to know when she had a 4th child named Giselle or extended family will just not know who she is talking about.
I also had a bit of a time getting used to writing it…I would put the wrong name on name tags, etc. I wonder if you’ll take some time getting used to hearing it as well.
I say go for it! Just be understanding of those you are asking to change…it may take a while
I used to get a little bit frustrated when people would angst over the “going by the middle name” concept, because I have done just that for the past 34.5 years. And other than taking a little extra time on the “what should we call you?” forms at the doctor, and whatnot (and, to be fair, there are a lot of whatnots) it has not been THAT BIG OF A DEAL for me. I’ve never felt like this has turned what could have been a good life into a bad and burdensome life. So,it pained me to hear about people feeling like they were going to ruin their kids’ lives over something like this. Because they won’t. A name is a gift, in my humble opinion, and also (in my humble opinion), something to be grateful for – whether you like it or not. I think you can be grateful for the name you were given, but choose to go by what feels “right” to you without giving up those feelings of gratefulness. I don’t especially like my first name, but when I told my parents how much I appreciated the thought that they put into it, and how I saw that the names they gave me represented their excitement for my arrival and life ahead, it meant a lot to them. Maybe you could do something special for your parents to express that sentiment (a letter, or a nice conversation, or flowers, or something that would be meaningful to them) to help bridge the transition to Emily? My guess is that they will love you exactly the same as they always have whether you go by Emily or Louise (and the same goes for all the rest of your friends and family). I might be over thinking it, but if a name is a gift that your parents gave you, and you give them some kind of heartfelt gift in the process of changing to your first name, I kind of feel like “it’s the thought that counts” mentality might be applicable to both sides of the situation. Anyhow, good luck!
Also, I mentioned above that I USED to get so frustrated by the angst of people worrying about going by a middle name. I still hold firmly to the “it’s really not that bad” mentality. However, I’m a relatively new mom ( so some residual hormones and also some sleepless nights might be playing into this), and it occurred to me a couple weeks go that when I die, if any of my remaining family members visit my grave they will see a name that only telemarketers and IT Help Desk representatives at work have ever called me. That made me SAD, and also made me revise my will so that my grave will not have my first name on it. That also made me sad :( So….I don’t get THAT frustrated by the angst anymore :)
My daughter is named Alexandra. We’ve called her Allie since the day she was born. She started a new school when she was in 7th grade and changed her name to Lexxy. We didn’t know unti we went to parent conference. They were telling us about Lexxy and we didn’t know who Lexxy was! It was pretty funny. She’s 22 now and all her friends call her Lexxy and family calls her Allie. Her grandma offered to call her Lexxy, but she said she wanted family to call her Allie. It is funny when she brings someone new to our house and she has to explain that we call her Allie. Nobody ever has a problem with it and I think it makes her feel special that she has a special name that family calls her.
My Aunt switched her name a few years ago when she was in her 70’s. I’m not sure if her new name was a middle name or not but it honestly hasn’t been a big deal at all – at least not with the family. Their family moved about that time so I assume her new friends just know her as her new name, not sure about the old ones. Anyway, there was very mild surprise from the family because she didn’t give any explanation but the message trickled through that she wanted to be known as her new name from now on and that was it. I am not aware of anybody having a big problem remembering, although there was a brief transition time. Good luck with it all! :)
Calling their kids by their middle names is one of the most confusing things parents can do IMO.
I think it would be easy especially since Emily is your first (that is, your MAIN) name already. Wouldn’t people meeting you for the first time would assume you go by Emily, anyway?
I don’t now what experiences you’ve had, but here it’s quite common for people to go by their second name “en famille”, but be called by their first name everywhere else. I went to school with a “Claudia Sofia Lastname1 Lastname2” and teachers and friends always called her Claudia. Imagine my surprise when I go to her birthday party and her family only call her Sofia! Just to prove how you can go by different names in different contexts
You could start introducing yourself as Emily and let your relatives and oldest friends Louise (or Lou, if you find it more tolerable). Using “Emily Louise” temporarily and gradually drop the Louise could be a solution as well.
My aunt was named Jane Ellen (Smith) and went by the name Ellie Smith her whole life until she met her 1st husband. He was previously married to a woman named Ellie so insisted on calling her by her first name, Jane. She changed her last name so effectively, she had a new first and last name (‘Jane Doe’) professionally and with new social groups. But to family and old friends she was still Ellie (Doe). Then when she was divorced, she changed her last name back to her maiden name and went by Jane Smith. It is funny when I meet people who know her because I forget of all her “other names” and when we make the connections. She is now remarried now again but I am not sure if she changed her last name again!
I say go for it! I toyed with going by a different form of my name at various points in my life and it never ended up feeling right for me, even though my fiends and family were supportive. A former classmate now goes by her middle name and very helpfully includes her former name in parentheses after her name on Facebook. It helps me remember what she prefers to be called :)
My father’s first name is John. He was called Jack as a child and still is by family. His nieces and nephews call him Uncle Jack. My mother was introduced to him by his sister and calls him Jack. A few people who are really close to my mother will call him Jack. He has introduced himself as long as I can remember as John. We can tell how close someone is to my mom by what they call him. I have never asked him if he was trying to deliberately change from Jack to John, I will next time I talk to him. But I don’t think it has ever caused him any problem. I do think that alot of family may never be able to make the change unless you really insist on it.
Do you like the nickname Emmy Lou? If you asked friends to use that nickname, it might be easier to transition to Emily in formal settings. Also: Emmy Lou!
One of my college friends went by her middle name, Grace, while we were in school, although she’d mostly used just her first name (also Emily) before college and returned to it after college. She also married right after graduation. We keep in touch but live in different parts of the country. It took me a couple years to remember to say her new last name and I still think of her as Emily Grace. Maybe if I talked to her all the time, I could drop the Grace. (It’s been 10 years.)
Anyway, using both names for people who’ve known you already and just using the new name for new people seems like a pretty reasonable approach that most people should accept. Then you can gradually drop the extra name over time.
I know several people who are transgender, and I have always been surprised by how smoothly other people can transition to calling a person by both a new name AND a new pronoun. If they can do that, then surely you can gracefully transition from middle name to first name. Even if there are people who resist the change, wouldn’t you rather it was only them calling you by the name you don’t like and instead of them plus everybody else like it is now?
I think that as long as you realize that it probably won’t be an immediate, I think it’s a find transition to make. I think the transition can really be solidified if you switch names as you start a new chapter in your life where you are meeting new people. So either going to a new job or new school or moving to a new city.
My mother in law is a Mary Sue who went by Suzie as a child up until the time she had young children, then she went to work at a new job and decided to be known as Mary so she became Mary to everyone new she met and stayed Suzie to everyone who had known her for a long time. I think that would confuse me more than anything, but she doesn’t seem bothered by it.
I think you’re at the perfect age to change your name, as you’re getting established in the career world. Also if in the future you get married and decide to change your last name that creates a whole additional name-identity challenge to tackle. Ive been married for 5 years, and it wasn’t until I switched jobs 3 years into getting married so that everyone only knew me as my married name I was able to feel like a BreeAnn Married-Name instead of BreeAnn Maiden-Name. I think this would be a similar situation.
I think this is a great reminder to all parents to be that a complicated or non-intuitave name/nickname can be a burden later in life.
On that note, I think it’s perfectly okay to tell you family and friends that you would prefer to be known as Emily. If they question it, just tell them it’s a hassle. The best way to make sure it sticks is to stop responding to the name “Louise”.
I haven’t gone through a name change, but have two close friends who have.
First, a friend had always gone by a dimunitive of Elisabeth, but when she moved from the East Coast to the West Coast when she was about 21, she switched to her (very cool, Hawaiian) middle name. In the process she met her husband, settled down, and had a family.
From what I can gather (having not spent time around her and her parents and sisters recently), her family of origin still calls her by her “original” name (let’s say it’s Beth), but her husband and West Coast friends call her by her middle, or a shortened version of it (we’ll say “Maya”). One of her friends from the East Coast moved out west with her, and I think she calls her a shorter version but does use the “new” name. I, on the other hand, have never lived around her since the name change, and when I we speak on the phone, I use “Beth” exclusively. She never asked me to call her “Maya,” and I don’t think she expected me to, but if I lived near her I probably would make the switch. She uses both on Facebook, and I found that to be helpful – that way when people comment using “Beth” or “Maya,” everyone knows who everyone is talking to!
A less-drastic difference is my friend Kate (not her spelling). She went by Katie in college, and I knew of her through a mutual close friend who also knew her in college and of course called her Katie. After college, though, she changed to Kate. Since I had known of her for more than a year as Katie, I continued to accidentally call her that as we became close friends, and when I asked her, she said she didn’t mind since we had become like sisters, but requested that I call her Kate around all of our friends, and when introducing her to anyone new.
I don’t know how hard it would be to change from calling my old friend “Beth” by her new name if I was around her all the time, but since we only talk on the phone but a few times a year and interact otherwise on Facebook, it doesn’t affect me a lot. And with Kate, I do occasionally slip up, but then I correct myself (and everyone knows that only I and her family and our other mutual friend are allowed to use the dimunitive). I do enjoy having the “special” names to call two of my closest friends, and they seem to have worked it out okay in their particular situations. With both of them, it was a big life change (moving either all the way or at least a chunk of the way across the country) that enabled them to make the name change, though.
A friend’s Dad switched his name, after he was 50, going from “Ira” to John. Almost everyone made the switch, except a few family members (his mom, etc). And once or twice, I’d mess up and call him Ira and apologize, and he’d smile and shrug, saying ‘that’s okay, i know you’re talking to me’. So anyway, it worked out fine, even though it was much later that your planned switch, and part of the beauty was that he was laid back about it around people…
My oldest daughter has gone to school with a boy nicknamed JC since kindergarten. No one ever knew him as anything other than JC, but as an 8th grader, he requested that everyone begin using his given name – Jeremy. The kids caught on in a couple of months and stopped correcting themselves every time they saw him. It took us adults a little longer, but now it’s been more than a year and I rarely think of him as anything other than Jeremy.
Hi Swistle, an update that four years on I still use Louise, and really like it. Thank you for convincing me to change my feelings about my name! Emily doesn’t feel like it belongs to me at all. I’m about to move to the U.S. which will be interesting as people seem to pronounce it LOO-EES not LOO-EEZ, but I will continue the fight the battle to say it the way I’d like!
Oh, hooray!