Sarah writes:
Hello! My husband and I are expecting our first child, a girl, in late summer. We’ve pretty much decided on a first name, Sydney, but are having difficulty with a middle name. Our last name starts and sounds a bit like Cobalt, though it does not end in a hard t.
I really like the tradition of using a family name as the middle name. I also like more feminine names, given Sydney’s history as a boy’s name. I know it’s no longer that much of a boy’s name (and it’s certainly not Sidney), and my husband doesn’t seem to think this is a problem at all. He, therefore, likes Ryan (his middle name) as a middle name, or an alternative spelling such as Rian or Ryann. I could handle Rian but am not an alternative spelling person. I like Elizabeth, my middle name and his grandmother’s middle name, but he thinks it’s too much of a mouthful. Is it? Sydney Elizabeth? I need another set of eyes. Our other family name options are the opposite, short and sweet: Mae, Rose, and Laine. If the baby were born right now, our tentative truce option is Rose, after his other grandmother. But I’m just not sold, or maybe I’m afraid to commit. I wonder if I’m somewhat too selfish and really want her named after me/my side of the family.
Our other first name option is Cecily. This is actually still a strong contender for me, less so for my husband. Given (what I view as) the name’s femininity, I have no problem with Cecily Ryan. This makes my husband perk up a bit, but I know he likes Sydney more than Cecily. He likes cute nicknames, and he loves the thought of calling her Syd. Is there a cute nickname for Cecily, other than Cece?
The only other name that I really love love love is Madeline, but we’ve chosen not to consider it as a first name because a very close family member has a daughter named Madison. I would strongly consider Madeline as a middle (now or in the future) if it were in any way a family name. Am I holding onto that self-imposed “rule” too tightly?
Oh! I just read a post of yours in which the mom finds herself torn between Elizabeth and Elise, and believes that Elise honors her family members named Elizabeth. Is this a commonly held belief/connection? Is Sydney Elise better? I just can’t grasp someone seeing the name and thinking “oh, it must be Elise after her middle name of Elizabeth”?
If the baby were a boy, my first choice has always been Cameron, a name my husband also loves. (It would be the subject of an entirely different question, though, because of another family member, less close, who recently used this name. Back-up boy names were hard to come by before we found out the sex.) Finally, we do plan on having more children, 3 total is the current prevailing thought. I haven’t even thought about matching future sibling names, and maybe I should.
While it’s true that Sydney is used much more for girls now, I’m with you about preferring a more feminine middle name: a name formerly used for boys followed by a name currently used more for boys seems to be making a statement—and also seems like it might make you feel you needed to choose boyish names for all your daughters. If your girl name choice is Sydney, and your boy name choice is the unisex Cameron, I’d suggest you make everyone’s middle names very clearly masculine or feminine.
If Sydney is your husband’s first choice of first name, it seems like it would be fair for you to get more sway in the middle name. And if you’re planning to have more children, it seems likely that there will be other chances for him to name a child after himself. Sydney Elizabeth doesn’t seem like too much of a mouthful to me at all—and if the surname is your husband’s, I think it would be nice to bring in a name from your side of the family instead of a second name from his. That doesn’t seem selfish, it seems balanced.
Another balanced option is your idea of Cecily Ryan. Then it’s your husband’s middle name and surname, but you’d have more sway in the first name. I don’t see any reason he couldn’t still call her Syd/Sid; plenty of people use non-name-related nicknames, and it seems sweet for a dad to have his own nickname for his daughter. We know a family where the dad calls his daughter an assortment of boy names (Hank, Frank, George, Lloyd) as their own running in-joke.
If before your first child is even born, your rule about family names is already painfully ruling out names you love, I do think it would be a good idea to loosen that a little. One option would be to make your rule that one of the two names should be a name of significance; this takes away the restriction that it has to be in the middle-name position and also the restriction that the significance has to be family-based. Another option would be to set the whole thing up as a preference rather than as a rule: you’d say that you’d prefer each child to have a family middle name, but then you’d allow another preference (such as a preference for a particular name) to trump that. (We did something like that in our family: I looked first for family names, but didn’t sweat it ((much)) if it didn’t work out.)
Different people have different feelings about how far away from an honor name you can go and still be honoring the family member. Some would use just a first initial; some would use a few letters or a sound (Madelyn honoring a Lynda, for example); some use variations (Elise honoring an Elizabeth, for example); some would translate a name from another alphabet into their own (Orla to honor Irish Grandma Órlaith, for example); some would vary the spelling but not the name (Marian instead of Marion, for example); and some would be completely strict about it being the exact name. I use the “Would I feel honored?” test: I wouldn’t feel particularly honored by a child named Keegan or Crystal “after me,” but I would be by a child named Cristen or Kristin (though even more so by a child named Kristen, if anyone is currently filling out a birth certificate). To me, Sydney Elise doesn’t seem like it honors an Elizabeth, any more than Riley seems like it honors a Ryan—but what matters is whether it feels that way to the people involved. If when you think about it, you can’t imagine anyone seeing Elise and thinking it’s after your middle name, then it sounds like Elise won’t work for you.
Here’s a name that seems to me to be right between Syndey and Cecily: Cassidy. Cassidy is used only for girls, like Cecily—but it has more of the sound of Sydney, and Sid could definitely be a nickname for it along with Cassie. Cassidy Elizabeth Cobalt.
Name update!
In a shamefully long overdue update, I want to let you and your readers know that we named our baby girl (now a wonderful and willful toddler) Cecily Ryan. I cannot tell you enough how much your perspective and the thoughts and ideas from your readers helped us! We poured over everything. We went into the hospital with two options, and Cecily had really grown on us and won out when we saw her. We call her any one of a million nicknames, too, which is something that was difficult for us, first-time parents, to imagine when all I thought about was naming. Now, it seems totally natural. Thank you again.
p.s. – Cassidy would definitely have been on the short list–you nailed my style–were it not also the name of one my good friends.
Sydney Elizabeth doesn’t sound like a mouthful to me! I agree with Swistle – it gives you and your husband both your first choices.
I like Swistle’s suggestion of Cassidy a lot. It might be a bit alliterative with your surname, but I like that.
One issue that would give me pause with Sydney is that it is declining in popularity. It peaked at the edge of the top 20 in the late 90s/early 2000s, and now it’s in the 70s and heading down. Maybe that wouldn’t bother you at all, but it’s something to consider. She probably won’t have another one in her class, but as time goes on she might be taken for being a bit older than she is based on her name as well. I don’t think this matters as much with some other trending-downwards-names like Sarah, Jessica, Rachel, etc. that have been in use over the centuries, but Sydney has only been really used for girls since the 1980s, so it is more easily pegged to a certain time. Cecily doesn’t have this problem. It’s been in use for thousands of years (it was big in medieval England) and yet it is also “in style” right now or even ahead of the curve. I don’t think it has anywhere near peaked.
I think if I were to choose, I would rather be a Cecily than a Sydney. But I’m biased; I’m a 1980s Kaela who for most of my childhood, until I recently made peace with my name, wished I was a Kate. (I still wish my mom had gone with her initial thought and put Michaela on my birth certificate, though.)
I like Cecily Ryan a lot. From the Sydney choices, my favorite is Sydney Rose– I think it is really pretty. I also don’t mind Sydney Ryan though (I;d never think Sydney Ryan was male). Sydney Elizabeth is a bit of a tongue twister but not at all bad. If you love Elizabeth, it’s worth it.
Best of luck! Please update us on what you choose!
Also, on the Cecily nickname front– I knew a Cecily nicknamed Sissy. Maybe not the most attractive option, but it worked for her (and Sissy Spacek seemed to do OK too).
If your husband likes Syd, maybe he’d like Lee?
I like Sydney Elizabeth!
Sydney Elizabeth does not seem like too much. I very much like the rhythm of the 2-4-2 syllables. And I don’t think it is at all selfish to want her to share your middle name. It’s a very common tradition.
I think Sydney Elizabeth works well! Also, I think you could use Madeline if you loved it. I don’t think it’s a big deal that she’d be related to a Madison.
Or what about Sidney Madeline?
I adore Cecily Ryan, but Sydney Elizabeth, Sydney Rose, or Sydney Mae are all very sweet and good options. I don’t think Sydney Elizabeth is a mouthful at all. It’s my favorite.
I think, as Swistle said, the thing to do is consider how you want your sibset to feel. There is nothing wrong with having a Sydney, Cameron, and Cecily (unless the closeness of Cecily and Sydney bother you), but Cecily does stand out in that trio.
Sydney and Cameron
Cecily and Cameron
What feels more you?
Would you consider two middles? Sydney Elizabeth Ryan or Sydney Elise Ryan gives you both names. It doesn’t fix the concerns about it being a mouthful, but it does give you both of your choices.
Though I’ll admit that I think Cecily Ryan is lovely – and I’d use it in a hearbeat.
Sydney Elizabeth Cobalt doesn’t sound like a mouthful at all to me. And for what it’s worth I agree that a gender neutral-ish first name like Sydney or Cameron would benefit from a clearly feminine or clearly masculine middle name.
Another nickname possibility for Cecily could be Cessie – similar to Cece but maybe your husband might happen to like it better, you never know. You may also be able to get away with “Lily” based on the end of Cecily.
As to Madeline, I think Madeline Cobalt sounds fantastic. I would avoid it as a first name if you see Madison a lot and it would get confusing; if, however, if this family member is someone you see only rarely, I wouldn’t worry as much about it. Or, maybe it would be something you’d consider down the road, when you theoretically have one or two children already and there’s more space between Madeline and Madison.
Another Elizabeth-honouring possibility: would you consider an abbreviated version of Elizabeth, like Eliza or Beth? Sydney Beth or Sydney Eliza are a little bit closer to Elizabeth than Elise, but might sound like less of a mouthful to you than Elizabeth.
I don’t think Sydney Elizabeth is too much of a mouthful. I liked the Cassidy (nn Sid) idea as well.
I think Sydney Elizabeth sounds fine. I also like Cecily Ryan, but I don’t like the two together as sister names, so that might be something to consider for the future.
I also like the suggestion of Cassidy. Cassidy Ryan, Cassidy Elizabeth.
Another middle name idea is your own first name. I think Sydney Sarah Cobalt sounds cute!
Sydney Elizabeth is not too much of a mouthful. & it’s not selfish to want your child named after you. I agree with Swistle that the name seems well balanced. Dad’s first choice first + dad’s preferred nickname with mom’s middle name and dad’s surname.
With Sydney Ryan you have Dad’s first choice first + dad’s preferred nickname with dad’s surname. I don’t really see any balance to that at all.
Sydney Ryan- this comes off very masculine to me. I would automatically assume that a Sydney Ryan was a boy, and that his parents gave him Ryan as a middle name to balance out his unisex first name. It also seems VERY unbalanced- she would have your husbands favorite first name, his middle name, and his last name.
Sydney Elizabeth- not too much of a mouthful at all. I agree with what other commenters have said about the balance, too. And since your husband is already looking forward to using Syd/Sid as a nickname, Elizabeth will give him a whole new set of nicknames to play with, too, which would be fun. Using Elizabeth as a middle name could also be a bridge for future children. Sydney pairs well with Cameron, and Cecily, Madeline, and Elizabeth all go well together.
If your husband really likes the nickname Syd/Sid, I can’t see any reason why it wouldn’t work as a nickname for Cecily. If Bess can be a nickname for Elizabeth, and Polly a nickname for Mary, then Sid can certainly be a nickname for Cecily. And if he really wants your daughter to have his middle name, Cecily Ryan is probably my favorite of all your possible combos. Cecily is just so feminine, which will help feminize Ryan, which itself helps to ground Cecily.
nicknames for Cecily can be Celie, Lissie?
Sydney Elizabeth works well.
Rhiannon could honor Ryan, Sydney Rhiannon has a nice ring to it. Rysa could be a combination of Ryan and Elizabeth.
Sydney Elisabeth does not sound like too much. If you are not sold, I vote Sydney Rose!
Even after Swistle’s recommendation to use very feminime and masculine middle names for sibs named Sydney and Cameron, I think I’d still wonder if Cameron was a boy or girl (since many people encountering the family won’t know the children’s middle name).
So I vote for Cecily Ryan! And to echo Mary above, Celie/Ceely could be a nickname. I know a girl named Cecelia who uses that as a nickname.
I do not think that Sydney Elizabeth is too much of a mouthful at all, but I would not do a Sydney (girl) and a Cameron (boy) sibset. I know a few girl Camerons, nn Cammi, and it throws me off, even though I think Sydney is totally girl now. I also don’t think its fair for your husband to get fave first, plus his middle and last, unless you are just handing over the naming job on this one and you get most of the say on any others (I’m making the assumption they are all getting his last name). I love Cecily Ryan too. If Cameron is set for a future boy, I vote re-evaluate Sydney.
If you like Cameron, maybe Sydney Camille? I like Sydney Elise as well.
Your husband’s idea of giving his mn to a child of his might work better if this baby girl has -your- middle name — and also that of his grandmother, thus saving his middle name for your second child. While Ryan would work for either a son or daughter the second time around, Elizabeth obviously would not work for a boy’s mn. Sydney Elizabeth would give Dad the first name he prefers, with the nn Syd, while sharing your middle name with your daughter and even giving you and your daughter coordinating names:
Sarah Elizabeth
Sydney Elizabeth
And as you can see, Sydney Elizabeth is only one letter longer than Sarah Elizabeth — not too long at all. I really like the mother-daughter names.
I just noticed that you wrote, “I wonder if I’m somewhat too selfish and really want her named after me/my side of the family.”
Uh, Dad-to-be seems to be wanting her to be named after himself or his family. You aren’t being any more “selfish” than he is… and I really don’t think either of you is being “selfish”. It’s not unusual for parents to want to share their middle name with a child , most usually one of the same gender, or use some other name from their family. It sounds like you may like Cecily a bit more than Sydney, yet you’re willing to use Sydney because your husband prefers it. If you’re planning to have more than one child, Dad will get his name passed along too. He already has the surname and his favorite first name for this baby. I wouldn’t give up this chance to pass your really fine middle name Elizabeth on to your first daughter. If you forgo that and then have a second daughter, you may be having the not-unusual dilemma of feeling you really should have given your name to the first. Especially with sons, I’ve seen this come up many times on name boards: we didn’t give Dad’s name to our first son; is it fair to our first to give it to the second? Sydney Elizabeth is a lovely name and seems ‘right’ in every way for your baby girl.
May I suggest Sidony / Sidonie? Your husband gets to use Syd, it’s a clearly feminine name so you get to use a non gender specific middle name, and it’s super elegant and underused. Sidony Ryan would be lovely!
That being said, Cecily Ryan is 100% more interesting, elegant, and original than Sydney Elizabeth, which (forgive me saying) sounds completely boring and dated to me — more of a “mom’s name” than a little girls’. Nicknames could be Cyd, Cessy, Ceely, Cissy, Lily. Sydney Ryan sounds completely masculine, especially if you use Cameron for a boy.
Madeline could be shortened to May / Mally / Maidy / Della to avoid confusion with cousin Madison.
Just a quick suggestion that Cecily with the nickname Cyd (like Cyd Charisse) might be a good compromise? Depends if you like the spelling but it seems a more natural fit than Syd.
I agree that Sidony (sih-DOH-nee) is a lovely and underused option. (I knew one once, and she was as demure as she was humorous–very sweet lady). And Cecily is gorgeous, too.
Sadly, Sidney still reads dual gender to me… and with a brother named Cameron, well, I’d wonder if you had two boys or two girls.
Other options you may or may not like:
Circe (SEER-see)
Sinisa
Sidonia
Sylvia
Lydia
Felicity
Best wishes to you and your growing family! Please let us know when your new addition has arrived!