L. writes:

I am currently pregnant with my second child. This one is a boy, which has been a bit of a surprise to both sides of our family as all of my siblings, my husband’s siblings and all of our combined cousins have only girls (our first child was a girl, too, obviously). Because it’s been a while since we’ve had a boy in the family everyone has very strong opinions as to what family name our son should have. We have narrowed our list of options down to three: Wilson (the fourth), Loren (the third) and Joseph (the sixth).

Our surname is Booker. We named our daughter Harper Ann despite the obvious problem of both first and last names ending in the suffix “er” because I fell in love with the name literally 17 years before I even met my husband. Her middle name is for her grandmother. I really love the idea of passing on another family name.

I adore the name Wilson, which we would probably shorten to Will, despite the fact that it is growing increasing popular (as are many names with the suffix “son;” we already have a Jackson, Jameson, Grayson, Greyson and Mason all in our neighborhood). Of course, there is also the issue that it will look like he has two surnames on paper if we go with Wilson.

Joseph is the name my husband is pulling for. He has been calling the baby “Joe” for weeks. I think Joseph is a great middle name but I really can’t stand it as a first name. I don’t know why. Ironically, Wilson is a name from his side of the family and Joseph is a name from mine.

Of the three names Loren is the one I like the least, but probably the one we’ll have to incorporate somehow because it is the name my husband is passing down.

I’m open to using two middle names just to make everyone happy. I also love the name Milo, which my husband refuses to use (“No son of mine will be named after a grain!”) and he likes Randall, which is probably my least favorite name of all time (due to a bad association).

I’m leaning towards Wilson Joseph Loren (to break up the “on” and “en” sounds) and my husband likes just Joseph Loren, so we’re stuck.

Any input you have would be greatly appreciated. And thank you!

If you can’t stand Joseph as a first name, then your husband’s choice of Joseph Loren is out. How does he feel about Wilson as a first name? If he can’t stand it, then Wilson is out too. But it sounds like it’s on his list of finalists, and it’s just that he’d prefer Joseph. He may need to be told frankly that Joseph is not going to be the name, before he’ll be able to bring himself to concentrate on another candidate.

If Loren is from your husband’s side of the family and must be used, and the surname is also from his side of the family, then it feels to me as if bringing balance to the name will require some concessions on his part. If I’m right that he likes the name Wilson and it’s just that he’d prefer his own choice, then that’s exactly the sort of concession I have in mind: he gets his family surname and he gets to hand down the name Loren, and you get your first choice of first name. The only thing that bothers me about this solution is that it’s THREE names from his side. But since Wilson is your first choice, and since it sounds like you had more say in your daughter’s name, it works. And if you do the mirroring idea of using as another middle name the name from YOUR side that HE likes, then that’s a pleasing balance. In short, I’m in favor of your idea of Wilson Joseph Loren.

Wilson Booker does sound like two surnames—but that’s how it is with ALL surname names, and surname names are in style right now so I think everyone is used to that. There may be the occasional form or letter with Booker Wilson on it (that’s kind of cute, isn’t it? it makes me realize Booker would be a cute first name), and in that case you’ll just make the correction and everything would be fine. The only time I think I’d avoid it is if the surname were a common first name: for example, if your surname were David, I think I’d avoid all surname first names just because of what a pain the constant corrections would be. But Booker is barely used as a first name in the U.S. (only 38 born in 2012), while Wilson is more familiar (418 born in 2012), so I think the hassle will be minor and manageable.

If you do use two middle names, I offer this piece of advice from our own family’s experience: choose ahead of time which one will be the “default” middle name for forms that only allow one. The kids and I all have my maiden name as a second middle name; I use my maiden name initial as my default initial, but the kids all default to their non-maiden-name middle initial.

Name update! L. writes:

I just wanted to send an update on the naming of our little one and thank you for your advice. It turned out to be very helpful.

You were correct when you guessed that my husband liked the name Wilson but just preferred the name Joseph. I did end up putting my foot down about not using Joseph as a first name and then he was very open to using Wilson (which was his early favorite anyway). That only left us with a middle name conundrum and, as it turned out, you solved that problem for us too.

As I outlined before, I was leaning toward Wilson Joseph Loren for several reasons. First, because it seemed the best way to use all the family names we wanted to pass on. Second, I thought Wilson Joseph Loren was more pleasing sounding than Wilson Loren Joseph (because the “on” and “en” were broken up). And third, because Wilson and Loren are both from his side of the family (as is our daughter’s middle name) so I was pretty firm about passing on Joseph, a name from my side of the family.

After some prodding, my husband admitted he didn’t want to go with Wilson Joseph Loren because he wanted Loren to be the middle name his son would use, and he assumed that would not be an option if it was the second of two middle names. I recalled the advice you offered regarding choosing a “default” middle name and assured him that it was perfectly fine, both from a legal perspective and with me in general, for our son to be named Wilson Joseph Loren but go by Wilson Loren for practicality. That was all it took for him to relent, and we’re very pleased with our choice.
Thank you again!