Baby Boy or Girl McCaslin

Ashley writes:

My husband and I just started trying to conceive our first baby, and I of course am obsessed with names. Our boy name – Wyatt Christopher – is set in stone and has been since before we married. Girl names however, are a totally different story.

My name is Ashley. Yes I am one of the thousands born in the late eighties. My entire life, I have never felt any sort of connection to my first name. But when you throw in my middle name, I finally feel apart from the sea of Ashley’s. My middle name is Brett, which is my father’s first name. Though I hated having a boy’s name as a child, as an adult I couldn’t be prouder to be named after my dad. Here’s where the issue begins; I want nothing more than to name my daughter after my dad and would even use Brett as her first name, but my husband can’t seem to get on board with that. He thinks the pattern my parents began should mean that our daughter is named after her father, not mine. His name is Jeff. No offense to my husband, but that so does not work as a sweet little girl’s name! His middle name (which he hates by the way) is Scott so he has taken it upon himself to suggest that as the middle name for every girl name I suggest. On some names it does work, but why would we give our child a name my husband doesn’t care for?

Ready for problem number two? I would also love to name my daughter after my great-grandmother but her name, Lois, is overused in my family and lets face it, is not very pretty. For the past four generations, Lois has been bequeathed to at least one woman born on my mom’s side of the family. I’d like to tweak the name so it’s pretty and works in combination with Brett.

Here are a few names I have come up with so far. I am hoping that you and your readers can help direct us to a few more! Oh, our last name is McCaslin, which fortunately flows beautifully with almost any name. I’ve had no luck coming up with a flowing, feminine middle name that would support Brett as first name. Hopefully you and your readers can!

*Eloisa Brett – hubs doesn’t like Eloisa, but loves my idea of Ello as a nickname
*Louisa Brett – I think I am falling in love with Lousia; it has great nicknames (Lou, Lola) and also honors my great-grandmother on my father’s side, whose middle name was Louise. The only caveat is my cousin chose this as her daughter’s middle name. But we only see that side of the family once every 5 years or so.
*Magnolia Brett – this one may be a stretch. My great-grandmother wore lotion that smelled like magnolia blossoms. However, I can’t seem to escape thinking Magnolia High-5 whenever I hear the name.
* I’ve also suggested Bretta and Brettly as variations on Brett, but neither my husband nor I really care for them. Plus Bretta sounds too much like berretta and barrette.
*Willa Brett – the hubs would name her Willa Scott in a heartbeat, but Willa Bee is probably the cutest nickname that has ever existed! It’s my current favorite.
*Viola Brett – I like Violet better, but the repetitive “t’s” are a little much
*Emma Brett – Emma is an absolute no way for my husband and is used by family and friends. I still like it though. Bummer.
*Mila Brett – like it, don’t love it
*Sofia or Zofia Brett – the only problem is my grandmother’s dog was named Sophie and my stepfather-in-law’s granddaughter is named this as well. Is Zofia (nickname Zo) a little too out there?
*Ara (AR-uh) Brett – Barbara is my mother-in-law’s name, so this one kind of pays tribute to her as well. But it doesn’t sound like it belongs in our little family.
*Seraphina Brett – Seraphina is a really old family name (she lived over 100 years ago) and I carried her wedding gloves in my bouquet when I got married. But my husband has a half sister named Sarah, and I think they may be too similar.

If it helps, I do envision our little girl being called by both her first and middle names. My father’s side of the family has always called me Ashley Brett and most likely would do the same for my and my father’s namesake. If Brett turns out to be her first name, I would call her by her first and middle name so that Brett sounds more feminine.

Isabella and Caitlin (or any of their variations) are names used by close family members and are therefore unusable. Likewise close friends used Kayla, Elizabeth, Cambree, Eyesly, Abigail, Audrey and Penelope so those are out of the picture too.

One last issue, then I swear I will let you and your lovely readers go! All honor names I suggest pay tribute to only my side of the family. Christopher, for example, is my brother’s name. But my husband doesn’t have strong relationships with his family. And quite frankly, it’d be a cold day in hell before I’d name my child after a few of his family members. My mother-in-law is already suggesting names (she doesn’t know we are TTC) and I can picture her being upset that her grandchild’s name has nothing to do with her side of the family. Have you or any of your readers dealt with a similar situation?

We plan on having at least two children. If we had a second son, his name would be Henry O’Connell (O’Connell is my mother’s maiden name). The plan is that if we had two boys, we’d try for a girl. If a third little boy came along, I would be awfully tempted to name him after my dad.

In summation, can you help me name my potential daughter for her grandfather? And for her great-great-grandmother? A tough task, I know. If I had to choose one honor name, I would choose Brett. While I’d like to use both, I can’t imagine a little daughter of mine not being named for my father. Thank you!

 

I will start by making a declaration, which is that your husband’s argument about your parents setting a pattern of naming girls after their fathers is invalid. There is no pattern here: there is only one single name, and that is not enough to be a pattern.

So then what we have is this: you would like to name your daughter after your father, and your husband says that he would like to name your daughter after himself. If you love your father’s name and your husband hates his own name, this doesn’t seem like much of a contest to me. Is it possible that your husband doesn’t want to name his daughter after your father, and so he’s proposing his own middle name as a way to illustrate to you how much he dislikes the idea? Or is it possible that although he dislikes his own name for himself or for a son, it suddenly sounds good to him as a girl’s name?

It is one of the problems pains exasperations challenges of naming a child with another parent that sometimes our great ideas don’t work out because the other parent doesn’t want to do it. I know you say you can’t imagine not naming your daughter after your father, but this is a joint decision. I’d be saying the same to your husband if he were pressuring you to name a daughter after someone from his side of the family, or to use any other name he felt strongly about but you disliked. I do hope he capitulates on this, because I think it’s a sweet idea and the name Brett feels feminine enough to use on a girl—but if he continues to be against it, you will have to let go of the idea, or else modify the idea (i.e., using your husband’s middle name instead to parallel your name instead of duplicating it, or using another boyish name unconnected to either side of the family) until he likes it too.

I decline to agree that the name Lois isn’t pretty. I think it’s an older name, and so it’s easy to hear it as Old Lady as opposed to hearing its actual sounds. If it’s been used in the Lois form for four generations, I’d be very reluctant to change it: the names that sound good now will just turn into the “not pretty” Old Lady names of the future, and meanwhile you’ll have lost some of the tradition. In fact, I’d expect Lois to come back into style sometime in the next generation, so you could end up changing it just in time to have it sound wonderful to you again, just like Louisa is sounding wonderful again.

I do think, though, that it doesn’t seem balanced to give a child two names from your side of the family (especially when your husband is already not on board with at least one of them), and I think it would put intense pressure on you to use names from your husband’s side next time. Since you’re hoping to have more than one child, and since you’d rather not use names from your husband’s side of the family, I suggest seeing if the two of you can agree that each child could have a middle name from your side of the family to balance having their father’s family surname (that is the way I’d suggest spinning it to your mother-in-law, too), and then choose a non-family first name together. I like how if you have two girls, each girl would have a middle name with a great naming story, instead of one girl having both. (Or if you use Lois O____ McCaslin for a future girl, your husband could use the nickname L.O./Ello.)

Since you say the Brett idea is more important to you than the Lois idea, I’d start by focusing on that. See if you can figure out what the issue is with your husband: does he not like the whole idea? does he not want to name a child after your father? does he like his own middle name as soon as he pictures it on a girl? would he be open to another boyish middle name instead? It seems like we need to know more of his thoughts on the issue to know what direction to go with this. You might have some luck giving him more sway with the first name in exchange for getting to use Brett as the middle name. Or perhaps all that’s needed is dropping the Lois idea for now, so that he doesn’t feel as if the entire name is your choice and your family names. Or perhaps the compromise could be that you use Brett for the first daughter’s middle name and Scott for the second daughter’s middle name. (Are there other family members who would qualify to keep the name Lois going?)

You’ve asked us to think of middle names that work with Brett as a first name, but I think that’s likely to be a dead end. The main issue is that your husband hasn’t even agreed to use Brett as a middle name, so it seems like a long shot as the first name. The secondary issue is that you say the name Wyatt is set in stone if you have a boy; I think using Brett for a girl could back you into a corner on this, either by ruling out Wyatt for a future boy or by making you feel as if all your children’s names need to have a double-T.

If it helps to sway Willa from Willa Scott to Willa Brett, I’ll say that Willa Scott made me think of Willard Scott. But it isn’t as if her playground peers will be bringing that up. (Some of their parents and grandparents and teachers might blink, though.)

40 thoughts on “Baby Boy or Girl McCaslin

  1. Caroline

    Ok first of all: Ashley Brett sounds so lovely to me, I immediately thought of Hemingway’s character Brett Ashley in the sun also rises! So Brett sounds very literary to me, and quite feminine.
    I love Louisa Brett in your suggestions, and love the idea of you passing on your unique middle name.

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  2. RP

    I also immediately thought of Brett Ashley in The Sun Also Rises! Have you or your husband read the book? The character is a bit of a wayward soul, but beautiful and smart, so maybe that extra association will help tip the scales for your husband?

    LOVE Willa, with any of the middle name options. I think we are about the same age and I had never heard of Willard Scott, so I don’t think you’ll get many comments on that from peer parents (and anyway, they’ll know her as Willa McCasland unless you specifically tell them her middle name).

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    1. Amanda

      I thought of Willard Scott IMMEDIATELY and then figured that anyone from her peer group wouldn’t know who that is by the time her name was being called in a classroom.

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  3. StephLove

    I do agree if you’re never going to use a name from his side (other than the surname, which does count in my book) it’s best to limit names from your side to one per kid. And it sounds as if Brett is the one you really want to use. My suggestion would be to use it for your first child’s middle, girl or boy, even though that messes with your set in stone boy name. It would ensure you get to use the name you want to use most. What if you never have a girl? And it definitely works for a boy.

    As for first names, it seems as if Willa and Viola are your best options from your list. They don’t come from your family and they seem to have the most support (or lack of opposition) from both parents. Did you know Willa Cather’s real name was Wilella? I always want to throw that out when someone is considering Willa. Also, Willow is pretty.

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  4. Gail

    It’s true that so far, there is no pattern. However, if you choose Brett as the middle name for a daughter (should the baby be a girl), then I agree with your husband that a pattern would exist. And then you’d have to work out what the pattern was about: was it about honoring you, the mom? This I could get behind. Would it be about honoring your father? Here, your husband would have to be completely on board with the concept, and it’s here I think the idea gets tricky. As he’s expressed. Because your husband quite naturally wants to be the guy that’s front and center in your daughter’s existence. I do see the logic in his suggestion of Scott, and Scott is handily a symmetrical name with which to test out what’s going on–5 letters, ends in “tt”, has a soft vowel sound, ordinarily a boy’s name, happens to be one of your husband’s names. If part of what you loved about your middle name was sharing your father’s name, don’t you think your daughter might feel the same way about sharing a name with her father?

    In this situation, I think it might be wise to test out your openness (both of you) to very similar compromise middles. I’d suggest Brynn or Scout. They’re roughly comparable, though not literally honoring, though both are similar enough to Brett and Scott that they could also be said to honor should you choose to be open to them and/or explain them to others in that way.

    Given the psychological trickiness of asking one’s husband to name his first born daughter after your father, I think Brett is out of the question as a first name, and possibly even as a middle. If it’s so important to you as to be very difficult to negotiate, an obvious compromise could be to use it in the middle but give your husband (a lot) more say in the first name.

    Good luck, and please let us know what you choose and how you worked it out, it is fascinating.

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  5. Tommie

    I agree with the above comment that if you spin if that you’re naming your daughter Brett (either in the middle or as the first name) and it’s after you, the mother and not after your father, the baby’s grandfather, it might soften your husband to the name.

    Good luck.

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  6. Diana

    I also agree with Gail’s wise counsel, including the suggestions of Brynn and Scout. I also believe that if you were to find a first name you could agree upon that sounds good with Scout, perhaps it would also sound just as good with Scott. And then Scott would transform into a name beloved by you and your husband because it is your precious daughter’s name: Camilla Scout to Camilla Scott, Jasmine Scout to Jasmine Scott, Naomi Scout to Naomi Scott, Regina Scout to Regina Scott, Geneva Scout to Geneva Scott, Gemma Scout to Gemma Scott, etc. It also appears to me that one of the reasons that Ashley Brett works so well is the minimal # of syllables in the first name, so you might keep that in mind (even though I didn’t :-) ……)

    One other suggestion: Perhaps find out – if you don’t already know – how it came to pass that your mother liked the idea of your middle name being your father’s name.

    I wish you all the best.

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  7. A

    I think you have to scrap Brett as a first name option. Your husband just doesn’t like it, and it’s not fair to him for you to pressure him about it. It also sounds like he really doesn’t like Brett as a middle name. With all the talk of family names from your side, I wonder if maybe he’s feeling a little left out? It is his kid too. Swistle’s idea about the surname being from “his” side of the family is a good one. But I know a lot of people who just don’t think of it that way, perhaps if you point it out to him it would help?

    I love Swistle’s idea of a non-family first name that you can both agree on with a middle name from your side of the family.

    I’ll also suggest that if he does agree to give you Brett, you should allow him to choose the first name. You could have some say, but you would have to choose your favorite from a list of his top picks.

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    1. SarahC

      I agree with this comment. If this were me, Brett would be off the table if my husband didn’t like it. And your comment about never using any of his family members names is kind rigid, given that you expect him to accept your family honour names so readily. Perhaps honour names are a bit too contentious, and you don’t want to have resentment later on because you forced the issue. Your dad has been honoured by you having his middle name. Isn’t that enough? I also agree with the suggestion that you both figure out names that you both like so no one is feeling force fed a name they don’t like. Naming isn’t just the mom’s job and the mom’s preference is not the overriding factor.

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  8. Vanessa

    We used family names for our children, and I strongly feel that 1) both sides of the family must be considered for honour, and 2) both partners must agree on the names. It sounds like you don’t want to honour his side of the family, and he doesn’t like the honour names you prefer (maybe only because it’s a girl). For that reason I think you should avoid honour names and avoid arguments by choosing names using other criteria.

    That being said, I like the idea of starting a tradition whereby the daughter gets dad’s first name as her middle name. Very sweet!

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  9. JMS

    I agree with a lot of the above comments. It does seem heavy handed on your side of the family & I also agree that a surname doesn’t really count as an honor name. I do love Louisa Brett though- very sweet. Voila is cute too. I also agree that you need to figure out who you are honoring with the name, your dad, you, etc so that once the pattern is there you can go through with it.

    I will end by saying I know a girl named Mary Scott (called both names) and have always loved it. Good luck!

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  10. Lois

    Unless there’s A LOT more to the story, it strikes me as unfair to want honor names all from your side of the family and none from the husband’s side. Yes, maybe they have his surname…but I think most people think of the surname as an automatic thing, whereas the GIven name is special because it’s just that–given. I think Swistle is right that the only way you can get away with this is as middle names only–and even that, only if your husband is totally on board with the names, IMO.

    I also think that Scott is just as adorable as a girl’s mn as Brett, and would end up being, for your daughter, more like the experience you had as an Ashley Brett–a very special connection to her own father. I think Willa Scott and Willa Brett both are adorable.

    I really think you need to compromise somewhere here. You can’t plan on naming every potential kid after someone on YOUR side of the family, including insisting on Brett. Your husband is a parent, too. If your boy name is set in stone, an already an honor name for your side, then either you need to give up Brett for your first girl, or your husband should get the right to pick the first name. If it’s really unthinkable to name after other members of his family, then maybe using Scott is the best way to be a little more balanced here…

    (BTW, Swistle, I love that you defended Lois. It is my name, and I’d love if there were a revival of little girls named Lois running around…it was super uncommon when I was growing up in the 90s, but that’s part of why I’ve enjoyed it, despite all the “my grandmother’s name is Lois” comments! That, and I was named after a beloved aunt.)

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    1. Kaela

      I recently met a very cute little girl (aged about 2) named Lois! Her parents are artists and chose it because it is so unusual and in their words “spunky”. I hope they are at the vanguard of a trend– Lois is a great name, worthy of revival.

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  11. Janelle

    How do you feel about Willoughby Scott? It’s the same sweet sound as “Willa Bee” that you love and your husband can call her “Willa” or “Willa Scott” if he likes.

    It sounds like you are probably a daddy’s girl (so am I!) and I wonder if your husband hopes for that same kind of relationship with his daughter, and hopes that the shared name will be a connection point for them. Thinking about it from your daughter’s perspective, I would have loved to share a name with my grandpa or with my dad, so either Brett or Scott would be fun for her. But going with Scott sounds like it would make your husband so happy and if his family really is as difficult as you say, he could probably use all the happiness he can get!

    You said your husband likes Ello and Willa, and you love Emma. Would Ella be a good compromise for you?
    Ella Brett McCaslin
    Ella Scott McCaslin

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  12. Tara

    I agree with some of the above comments that you should spin the use of Brett as honoring you, instead of your dad. My favorite off the list is Willa Brett. I do think that getting Dad’s surname counts as an honor name. I had a really difficult time giving up my maiden name (and would so not do it if I could go back in time). I think the surname you use gives you an immediate connection to those ancestors from whom it comes, so it seems only fair to use names from Mom’s side as first or middle. Especially since it sounds like the only honor name Dad wants to use from his own side is his own.

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  13. Ms. Key

    I’m surprised that so far no one has just mentioned that Brett is a completely known girls name too, it’s just a bit more masculine sounding. I grew up with a girl named Brett, and Brett Butler was the actress who played Grace on “Grace Under Fire”. I’ve never actually thought of it as a boys name only, I’ve always thought it was totally unisex like Riley, Andy/Andie, Alex… that sort of name. When you look the name up it is said to be a variation of “Brittany” which has a strong female association. Unlike the Addison post from the other day, I don’t even think it’s completely “now for boys only”, either, because it isn’t in a current top 100 list or anything.

    Now, that being said… I think that Brett should only be a middle name here or should be let go of. Husband isn’t on board, so it shouldn’t be a first name contender. You need to both love your children’s names…. plus, while it is fun to find inspiration from old family names (like your Seraphina tradition, someone who lived SO long ago), it’s also exciting to add new/haven’t been used in many generations first names to your family tree.

    I also think, if your husband truly isn’t on board with Brett and you aren’t on board with Scott then maybe it should be done. Maybe you need to both find a whole new middle name, and let go of what you just cannot agree on. I believe it’s important you both feel proud of your child’s full name.

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    1. Swistle Post author

      In the U.S., the name Brett is currently used almost exclusively for boys: in 2012, there were 419 new baby boys and 19 new baby girls named Brett. (For comparison, there were 20 new baby girls named Matthew and 18 named David that same year.)

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      1. Ms. Key

        Interesting! Well, as per usual we all have our own perceptions. I really always thought it was unisex! :-) I’m in Canada, but we do typically have similar name styles.

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    2. Brett J

      My names is Brett and im a girl i honestly don’t like my name but my mom asssures me that its beautiful

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  14. phancymama

    My first thought when reading your letter is that you really are naming your daughter after you, not after your father. So presenting it that way might make a difference to your husband. You are the one with Brett as the middle name (and used along with the first), and you want your daughter to have the same type of name. And while I have no doubt that your daughter would enjoy the connection with her grandfather, you are going to be a more primary person in her life (as Mom!).
    All that said, I think it is a super cute idea that your husband also kinda wants to name a daughter after himself, and agree that Scott probably sounds a lot more appealing in a new light to him. Perhaps a good compromise would be to use Brett for the first daughter and Scott for a second. Then both would have middle names after parents. I agree it might be that your husband is feeling under-represented here, and wants to feel important in the decision process.
    Although, I am one who does believe that the last name IS an honor name. Even if you changed your name when you married, that in and of itself was honoring that last name by making it your family name. I did not change my name when I married, and I did make a clear and conscious decision to give my children my husband’s last name.

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  15. s

    I’m in complete agreement with Tara! The father’s surname is an honor name. To me what makes sense in this situation then is to have an honor name from the mother’s side for the middle and a non-family name for the first. I find it surprising and a little offensive that people still think that taking the husband’s name should be unquestioned.

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  16. Jordan

    I vote for Willa Brett. He likes Willa and you get to use Brett. And if baby #2 is a girl she could be Louisa Scott :)

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  17. Kaela

    Can I make a pitch for Lois? Lois +a middle name of your husband’s choosing McCaslin? What a great name! To me Lois has all the hallmarks of an undiscovered gem. Right now it’s a little bit in style limbo, but not like Linda or Barbara or those other mid-century names because it was never as widely used, and it has such a sweet, strong, pretty sound to it. I’m sure it’s one of the names our children will think are wonderful, while we are slightly horrified! (Like our parents’ reactions to Henry, Hazel, Josephine…) I have a few friends who grew up with ahead-of-the-curve names: I know a 26-year-old Scarlett, a 24-year-old Beatrice, and a 27-year-old Lily Sophia Louisa (!), among others. All of them had very artistic/cutting edge parents. I recently met an artist couple with a two-year-old named Lois… See what I’m getting at here? Lois is adorable, and I think it might be back and sooner than you’d think. I would even have Lois on our shortlist except future baby’s surname will start with an “S” and anything ending in s gets too hissy. But Lois McCaslin is exquisite. At least consider it!

    I’m also wondering, does your husband like any names at all (besides his own)? If you truly can’t decide between all of your choices, why not let him pick from among them?

    I’d love to hear more about your hubby’s style beyond Willa (you should comment on the post if you can!) as it would help when generating more suggestions… But I do like Willa a LOT. Willa McCaslin is a beautiful name. What about Willa Lois McCaslin? It’s a little melliferous (and maybe hard to say) but meaningful, since it includes your relations and also your husband’s stylistic choice.

    If your husband likes Ello as a nickname (cute option), what about Eleanor? Mirabelle? Isobel? (Almost any -el or -elle ending name could work, conceivably. Ello is not a standard nickname for any name so I for one wouldn’t blink at, say, an Annabel nicknamed Ello).

    If you like Ara, how about Arabella or Arabel? (Arabel and her raven named Mortimer are the stars of a cute series of British kids’ books by Joan Aiken– totally worth looking up.)

    I definitely don’t think you should drop Violet for Viola just because of the middle name (that your husband doesn’t want to use). I think Violet Scott sounds really vibrant.

    Best of luck!

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  18. Manday

    I know we are all name nerds and you are excited at the prospect of having real children to name.. but I think you need to chill out. Step back. Relax. Take a breath. You don’t need to have four baby names picked out “for sure” when you are TTC #1. There is so much that can happen between now and then, and so many opinions that could change. I feel like perspective changes when you are actually pregnant.

    OK onto your question –
    You never really say where the boys name comes from. Wyatt Christopher and Henry O’Connel. Who chose these names? Who do they honor? Why do you like them so much?

    I think Brett is entirely out. I know you love it. Do you know HOW MANY names that I love, even honor names, my husband has thrown out? Its sad to me, but that is marriage. I suggest keep looking, until you find something you both love. And I do love Lois. So adorable. Makes me think of Lois Lane, which is a good reference to me and not at all old lady. I also love Scott as a middle name. Lois Scott is adorable, and has that special connection to both sides of the family. MAYBE you could bargain for Brett if you had a second girl….

    Either way, give it time and work together.

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    1. Laura

      “I know we are all name nerds and you are excited at the prospect of having real children to name.. but I think you need to chill out. Step back. Relax. Take a breath. You don’t need to have four baby names picked out “for sure” when you are TTC #1. There is so much that can happen between now and then, and so many opinions that could change. I feel like perspective changes when you are actually pregnant.”

      This is the best advice out of all the comments.

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    2. bee

      The middle names for the boys are honor names from her family:
      *Henry O’Connell (the middle name is her mother’s maiden name)
      *Wyatt Christopher (the middle name is her brother’s name)

      So for a girl, maybe a first name that’s not an honor name (just as the potential boy’s first names are not honor names). And a middle name that comes from dad (since the boy’s middle names come from mom).

      Willa Scott seems to fit the bill. Both love the name Willa and Scott would honor dad. Although he doesn’t love his middle name Scott, sharing it with his daughter will give it new meaning and that special connection that the writer felt in sharing her dad’s name.

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  19. Charlotte

    Perhaps you could use Britt or Brittany instead of Brett. It’s arguably a lot more feminine-sounding but still ticks the right boxes.

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  20. Elizabeth

    I have always liked my name (not suggesting you use it!) because my first name is just mine (not an honor name of any sort), my middle name is the same as my mother’s, and my last name is my father’s. When I married, my husband wanted me to change my last name “because it’s the custom”, but I was older and the idea of taking an assumed name at that age seemed bizarre. After all, I’m not related to my husband, but I am to my father. I don’t mind being associated with my husband, of course, so I hyphenated my last name, and now I have a name that’s just mine, one for my mother, one for my father, and one for my husband. It’s long, but it works for me.
    I think you should tell your husband that Brett as a middle name would be for you, her last name would be for him, and select a first name you both like. If he feels sad about it, use Scott as the middle name for a second child, even though it’s a little greedy of him.

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    1. Christine

      I get this, but I don’t think Scott is greedy of the father, from what was written here – especially since the OP made it clear she refused to entertain names from his side of the family. I would be pretty hurt if my spouse suggested that to me. I hate my most of my in-laws, and won’t use the names of anyone still living, but I would still use my husband’s first or middle name as a middle name if it were that important to him. And since the author really likes her name and the apparent connection to her dad, it seems reasonable that their future daughter would like the same.

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      1. Elizabeth

        Yes, “greedy” was out of line, and I think it would be sweet for a second child, then for a third child they could use a middle name from her side, etc. However, I think for a first child it would be reasonable to start with a middle name from her side, since the kid is definitely getting a name from her dad’s side, you see.

        Reply
  21. ameri

    When I was first reading this, I thought that it was sweet that you want to share your middle name with your daughter. I share a middle name with my mother- as well as my Grandmother and 2 Aunts. I always felt that it was a special connection.

    That being said, as you continued writing, and dismissing your husband’s feelings, I did become quite angry. Why should his name be dismissed (Scott) when your name is one that HE does not wish to pass along?

    If you want to honor your father, or if you’d like to create a special bond with your daughter by sharing the middle name Brett, AND IF your husband also agrees, then Brett would be a special way to do that.

    Scott does not sound any more or any less feminine to me than Brett. Actually, having 5 letters and 1 syllable, both ending in -tt would be a fabulous way both to tie in her middle name with your own and still having something special to share with her own father. (You seem to have great pride in sharing Brett with YOUR father… could this be a special way to allow it for your own daughter?)

    The suggestions of Brynn or Scout as a “compromise” name were fabulous.

    All of this being said, my opinion is this: If he does not like Brett, and you do not like Scott, then scrap both names and go in a completely different direction. This is a matter of respect.

    Reply
  22. M

    I think you were trying to make the point that you love the name Brett and your husband does not care for the name Scott, which seems like a reasonable reason for preferring Brett to Scott. I think the best option is non-family name + Brett + husband’s surname.

    Reply
  23. Panya

    My brother’s name is Bret, so I’ve already contemplated honoring him by using Bretagne as a middle name for a daughter — it’s the French name for the Brittany region of France and sounds almost like Bret-Anya. Bettany is the name we’d actually use though, since the pronunciation is easier to figure out.

    Some other names containing ‘bret’:
    Albreta, Bretislava, Bretonne, Brettela, Brettifa, Brettiva, Embreta, Engebreta, Engelbreta, Engelbretha, Ingebreta, Ingelbreta, Ingelbretha

    Reply
  24. Anonymous

    IMO, the fact that your husband hated his middle name (Scott) does not factor into the equation given that you hated having a boy’s name (Brett) but changed your mind and now “couldn’t be prouder to be named after your dad” and would like to give the name to a future daughter. You should respect your husband’s right to change his mind and give equal consideration to using Scott as a middle name for your duaghter.

    Reply
  25. Mary

    One name that I immediately thought of when you wrote how your husband loves the idea of Ello as a nickname for Lois, and you both love Willa is Elowen.

    Elowen Scott McCaslin just sounds amazing!

    Reply

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