Emily writes:
I am pregnant with my 5th and last child, a girl, due at the end of July. We have a name we LOVE, beginning with a ‘B’. We also have a middle name we love beginning with the letter ‘R’. We would be all set to go if our last name did not begin with an ‘A’, which makes her initials BRA! My mom suggested switching the first and last names and then going by her middle name which would make her initials RBA. I sort of like the idea, but I don’t like the idea of a lifetime of correcting people and the headache of official documents confusion. What would you do? Should I pick a brand new middle Name? Are the BRA initials really that terrible? My other daughter’s initials are GAA ,which is kind of funny, but we have never monogrammed anything nor thought about it much. Help!
I would not want those initials myself (I’d be fine with GAA). But I also wouldn’t want to switch the names only to solve the initials problem. I can see why you’re stuck!
I think it boils down to what part of the name is most important to you. One of these three things will have to happen: (1) You will give her the BRA initials, OR (2) You will swap the two names, OR (3) You will choose a new middle name to avoid both #1 and #2. Each possibility has a downside, and so it’s a matter of choosing the downside you mind least—which probably is a question of how important this particular middle name is to you.
Since none of your first four children have swapped first/middle names, my sense of order rebels at the idea of suddenly switching them for this child, and I would vote for option #3. Another possibility is to give her two middle names (I’d make the R-name the second of the two middle names, since many forms default to the first of two middle initials); this still bothers my sense of order, but not as much, and I think it might be possible to come up with an excuse that explains it (“She’s our last, and we still had more names we couldn’t bear not to use!” or “She’s the last one, but we still had two important women to honor!”). I guess that counts as a fourth option, then, but it’s also kind of a subset of option #3.
Let’s have a poll over to the right to see what everyone else would do. [Poll closed; see results below.] It’s a little bit of a tricky thing to have a poll on, though, since it depends on strength of preference. For example, if you’re okay switching the middle name, I vote for doing that—but if you are completely set on using the middle name, then I vote for adding a second middle name. Perhaps in the comments section we can clarify our votes if necessary.
Poll results for “What would you do about the initials BRA?” (419 votes total):
Go ahead and use them – 123 votes (29%)
Switch first and middle names and call by middle name – 24 votes (6%)
Choose a different middle name – 177 votes (42%)
Add a second middle name – 89 votes (21%)
I can’t decide – 6 votes (1%)
I like Swistle’s suggestion of adding a second middle name. Since you love the “R” name, it would be a shame not to use it! But the initials BRA is definitely a no-go:( Good luck!
I really like the suggestion of Catherine Nola or Catherine Louisiana.
Orleana also comes to mind. Catherine Orleana?
Please ignore the people saying that using the initials BRA is okay. I know several people whose initials spell something weird or embarrassing (one narrowly escaped ASS) and it’s never good.
Growing up with the first/last initials of BS, I always used my middle initial to break it up–and I felt like otherwise it was pretty rare that anyone would have known my middle initial. I also don’t think that BRA is that bad. But I get it.
Also, something to think about, the monogram will be BAR
Middle names are so rarely used that I think it’s best to be flexible here….After the birth announcement, only the immediate family is usually even aware of what a child’s middle name is. So, on the poll, my vote went to changing the middle name. There are so many beautiful names, you aren’t bound by needing to keep the name for honoring purposes……I think it’s a lot more important to be really sure of the first name.
A monogram would look like BAR, with a bigger “A”, wouldn’t it?
If we knew the middle name we could offer some suggestions. Like, if it’s Rachael , you could use a name with the same meaning, like Kathleen, or the same sound, like Michaela.
Or if it is Rose, choose another flower name. That kind of thing.
I don’t think I would like having initials BRA , and would like to think that my parents worked out a way round it where I still ended up with a beautiful, meaningful name.
I also think it is ok to be the only one of five with first and middle swapped. My dad was a ‘junior’ of his dads name, so he was called his middle name while his 4 siblings were just called their given name. No big deal. When they are born you just decide which of her names she will be called all the time. Many famous actors, artists, authors, judges are known by their first initial then their middle name. R. B(name) A(name).
Is there a whole subset of people who go through life using their initials constantly that I don’t know about? I just had to think for a second to figure out what mine are, now that I’m married. My husband is vaguely annoyed that his mom went with the piratey RDR…but it’s soooo far from a big deal (and my sister-in-law freely chose keeping the maiden name she loves as a middle name despite the fact that it makes her initials BUM). Looking back, I can’t think of a single kid I went to elementary school with whose initials I even remember. I hate the idea of passing up names that you love to avoid teasing that may never even happen, unless you really, really love monogramming things, which it sounds like you don’t…
Someone told me the other day that her husband has the initials BRA and was teased relentlessly. I say either pick a second middle name or change the middle name.
We have a different situation, but can shed light on one aspect. My son is named after a grandfather, first and middle, and the grandfather was known as a nickname of the middle name. It is a very old fashioned European\Yiddish nickname. My husband knew his grandfather well, and he was always refered to conversationally by that nickname, so he asked me if we could call our son that. I agreed, since the first and middle are both usable down the line if we wanted something more conventional. So not only does my son use his middle name, he uses an unrecognizable nickname for it. It is a TOTAL non-issue. He knows his first name for “official” purposes, like at a doctor’s appointment, and otherwise goes by his nickname. Has never been stressful. No more stressful than a first name nickname that isn;t just a shortened version. So if the initials scare you, just flip the names, use the one you want, and anything official with initials can be done the way you want.
My two cents.
Good luck!!!
For the record, I only use use my kids initials when i am making lists for my own use and don’t want to write out their names. I use full initials since we have repeats of first initials.
I think it’s going to be rare for a kid’s initials to be used. The only reason I can think of mine being used as a kid is when my grandparents gave us monogrammed stuff – and BAR, while not perfect, is better than BRA. Honestly, I think it’s a non-issue, especially since she’s likely to change her initials someday if she gets married.
Oh, and also, I think going by a middle name is a MUCH bigger hassle than having slightly unfortuate – or even really unfortunate – initials.
I’m one of those who uses initials constantly and always has. My group of friends through high school all used and knew each others full initials, and I can still recall them to this day. And I’ve signed my own initials plenty of times, about 100 when we bought a house! In fact, I used them today to sign my daughter into daycare. So initials are a constant part of my life, and not in a monogrammed way. So, I’d recommend finding another middle name, and not using the BRA initials.
Good luck!
Do not assume for one second that your daughter will automatically want to change her name when she marries…..although she may well want to if her initials are BRA!. You really don’t know where life will take her, and on the very real chance hat her initials MAY become important either in childhood or adulthood, please consider the swap that your mum suggested, or some other suggestions for changing listed above. It’s easier for you to make the change now than to put it on her to do it later.
I wouldn’t consider the fact that your daughter might change her initials when she gets married… I took my husband’s last name and it makes my initials spell something pretty awful. I just don’t think it matters when you’re an adult.
For a child to have not-so-appealing initials is a bigger deal. That’s only if kids actually make the connection though. I’m on the fence on this one… there are certainly worse initials to have. But girls get teased about being small-chested, large-chested…
I wouldn’t switch the names though just for her to go by her middle name. If you don’t like the initials, then I think you should find a different middle name.
I’d change the middle name to something similar.
PS- Is anyone else dying to know what the name is?!
I went to school with a girl whose legal name was Sarah Ashley S___. She always went by her middle name, which is what her parents wanted to name her, but didn’t want the A** initials. I always thought it was strange- but I’m one of those people who think you should name your child what you plan to call her. So, my vote is either to accept the BRA initials and remember that she will be statistically likely to marry and change her last name at some point, OR change the middle name. Using the A name as a second middle name would also be okay in my book, but who really uses a second middle name?
I would find a different middle name. I think it’s easy to get tunnel vision when we love a name – “NOTHING ELSE WILL DO!” – but in reality, there are thousands and thousands of other names that don’t start with the letter “R” that would probably be just as perfect, if not better, than your current choice. Just look at it: for example, when I read Bethany Rose A_____, all I see is BRA. Her full name won’t be written out generally, but can you imagine on a driver’s license, diploma, medical forms, etc.? And it would be a shame, if you love the middle name so much, that your daughter might begin to hate it because of the embarrassment it may cause.
I grew up with the initials B.E.G. And I’m fine with it.
No one ever noticed unless I said something, and I never had anything monogramed unless it was just B.G.
Now my married initials are B.S. and again, I think it’s funny.
Use the name you love.
I guess it depends on how often you plan to use initials. I have a friend who goes monogram CRAZY, she has her initials, her husband’s initials, and their baby’s initials on EVERYTHING they own! I would not recommend your initials to a family like theirs. However, I’m not a fan of monogramming, I’ve never used initials instead of a signature, I’ve never asked someone I know what their initials are…so for me, it’s no big deal. If I were you, I’d use the names you have. If my friend were you, I’d tell her to pick a new middle name.
Good luck and keep us posted! I’m terribly interested in this one, for some strange reason!
There are some professions where initials are used a lot, I was in one. As scientists, we use our initials to label tons of things, and if there were duplicates of the first/last, then we used all three. That said, it’s really just a gut you have to go with. I grew up with a friend whose initials were SAG. To my knowledge, it was never a big deal. I remember noticing it, but that was it. I knew an E. Claire and she caught more flack fro that when we all found out her middle name, but it was still very short lived fun. I’d probably follow some of the many creative ideas for changing the middle or use an additional middle. I also don’t think it’s a big deal to ‘go by’ your middle name. My Dad has his entire life, simply because the first name and nickname his parents thought they’d use, just never seemed to fit when they brought him home :) He’s had to correct some, and finally at 65 is starting to own his legal first name, using it as part of his FB profile, but it’s just part of the deal and wasn’t a big deal.
Let’s say your surname is Allen or Adams or something: your daughter is, at some point, likely to sign her name B.R. Allen or be listed as such on a register at school. It won’t matter much in her adult life but kids are silly.
I would switch the names or choose another one if you don’t want her to go by the middle name. (I personally dislike the naming-one-thing-calling-the-middle-name scenario, though my husband goes by his middle and so does my dad.) To me, initials are a big deal. And I definitely think kids will pick up on it and she would be teased.
Count me in the camp who really wants to know the actual names!
As an adult, it will probably be something she can shrug off, but as a kid, I think having the initials “BRA” would make life miserable for several years. I knew all my friends’ middle names and initials, and they knew mine, and while I thought it would be cool if my initials spelled a word, having it spell something so terminally embarrassing (to a preteen and early teenager) as BRA would have been awful.
I vote for changing the middle name unless you really, passionately love it and it fills you with sorrow to think of never using it on a child. If it does, either the middle-name-first solution or the extra-middle-name solution is fine.
I like Swistle’s idea of giving two middle names, and using the R name in second place. This is exactly what we did when naming our last child- his first name is Jameson, last name begins with an S, and the middle name we wanted was Isaac, making his initials JIS. That was just unacceptable, we thought. But we could not give up the Isaac as it had special meaning to us, nor did we want to switch the order of first and middle names. So we used a second middle name, too, one we had on our list of possible first names to begin with, and his legal name is Jameson Beckett Isaac S—–. So the initials used at the doctor’s office and such are JBS, but everyone who knows us knows his “special” middle name, too.