Amy writes:

I am due with my second child on TUESDAY and I need HELP with a name. To make matters worse, the baby was not cooperative during the ultrasound and we have no medical reason to have another so we need to pick names for boys and girls. I love talking baby names and reading naming books & blogs, but my husband doesn’t like to talk about them at all which is not helping.

My first son is Owen Albert and our last name starts with B and ends with ss. My husband and I are Bryan and Amy – VERY popular names for our generation – I was one of 3 Amy’s in my first grade class and my husband was one of 4 Bryan Bs in his grade. We picked Owen just because we both liked it – its a little bit more popular than I’d hoped but so far we haven’t met any others his age in our small town. Albert is after my grandfather, who died just before Owen was born.

My main concern for our boys names are honor names and sibling rivalry. For a boy, one name that was on our short list for our first son but just didn’t seem to suit him was James Everett, after our 2 fathers. My issue now is that I’m not sure how I feel about naming my first son after a great-grandfather he never met (and only in the middle name) and then giving the second son a name after 2 grandfathers that he sees all the time – we all live in the same small town so we see my father and my husbands father very regularly, 2 or more times a week each. Does this seem like a reason for sibling rivalry to you? The other issue is that this “uses up” the only family names we like for boys, AND it means I’ve “used up” all the names from my side of the family leaving none for my sister (the only male options left on that side are Matthew which is always used for the oldest son of the oldest son and has been used already this generation and Elmer and Dudley – not appealing to either of us). On the other hand, I’m not sure how I feel about using one grandfather’s name without the other – is it insulting to use one and not the other when they both know James Everett was on the table at one point? And all the other boys names that were on the shortlist for Owen are either too similar to Owen (Evan, Ethan, Gavin) or have been recently used by close family or friends (Caleb, Colin). Other names I’ve suggested that my husband vetoed: Miles, Elliot, Neil, Liam. We have 2 requirements for our names – not a biblical name, boys names without a -y nickname (Robert to Robby, John to Johnny) because in my family the little boy nicknames stick for life and I’m not fond of them (and yes, I know, James violates both rules – my father is called Jim and is still called Jimmy by his brothers, but I’m willing to break the rules for a family name).

For a girl, my shortlist names are Claire, Maggie (short for Margaret or Marjorie) and Paige, but we don’t have a middle name yet. Claire is a family name, the others are just ones I like. My mother, grandmother & I all have “R” middle names, so that would be a fun tradition to continue but its not a 100% must.

So the overall question is: do you think its a problem to “use up” family names on the second child when you think you want 3-4 and leave none for my sister? And what about the sibling dynamics with a second boy named after such close relatives? Should I go with my gut and say that if I have to ask it, then its probably a problem? And if this is too much of a problem, what in the world should I name this kid?

Feel free to edit this down to a more managable post, the overall question above is what I most care about.

Thank you!

Name update! Amy writes:

Thanks to all your help Swistle & commenters! Although I still really liked James Everett, it just didn’t seem right for this baby either, and although I liked the suggestion of Everett James I didn’t like the idea of always saying “which Everett? Grandpa Everett or Baby Everett?”. In the last few days before he was born, one name came forward as a top contender, which had been our “joke” name for our first son – Porter. It was an inside joke to us, since we brew our own beer. But with the rise of occupation names and -r ending names like Connor and Asher, Porter grew on us more & more. I also found out that Everett was a family name – it was also middle name for my husband’s grandfather and at least one generation back as well. So on 11-11-11 after much deliberation we welcomed Porter Everett and are very happy with his name. Thanks again!

Melissa writes:

I am kicking myself!

I am due in one week with our third boy. We have known for months and months that we were having a boy, and we worked very hard at getting pregnant. We had a tough pregnancy that we thought we’d lost several times, and then about midway through, we learned he was quite small and had to watch him closely with near weekly scans and measurements and an amnio we weren’t planning on having just to prepare us for anything that might come.

Well, the results were relieving, and he’s finally doing great and growing, and I’ve been really relaxed and happy for the first time in this pregnancy – for the last month of it!

I think I am in denial, however, as we still don’t know how we are going to NAME HIM!

With our other two, we were clear, certain and excited by our selections. Our first son is named Tate Fletcher. Our second son is Nicholson Scott, but we call him Cole. So we have Tate and Cole. Our last name sounds like Secret.

At first, I thought I really loved the name Leo for our new little guy, given how small and what a fighter he is. He’ll be our lion cub. But I wasn’t sure my husband was all in as he was a bit ‘Meh’ about it. So I came up with a few other names, floated them and then we sort of left it.
We just knew we’d know when the time came. Well, we don’t, and the time is nearly here… Aaaaargh!

Our short list (I think) is:

Jude
Leo
Luke
Corbin
Rafferty (with nn Rafe)

And our middle names are:

Henry (after Mark’s Grandfather)
Lloyd (my dad, who is loved by all)
Christopher (my brother I adore and who is the best uncle ever – no kids)
William (a family name)

I am not against Luke per se, but feel it is awfully popular. Mark likes it but could go with Jude. I like Jude, but worry it may be trending toward the girls (grrrrrr…another great boy name that the girls snatch!) I also think it sounds like we’re sort of trying too hard with the 3 short, strong, one-syllable names. I love, love, love Rafferty, but my best friend does NOT like it. It makes me nervous. If I had to pick right at this second, I’d probably go with Leo Christopher, but I’m worried I’m settling with the easiest and that I’ll regret it.

I’m really struggling here, and Mark has no clue either. I’ve been reading your blog for months, LOVING it, and never thought I’d come close to needing you!

Help?

Name update! Melissa writes:

About 4 months ago, you posted a panicked plea from me on your blog about the naming of our third son. I’m writing with an update!

Our beautiful boy was born on 11/10/11. Though I was a touch disappointed with the date, as I’d SO hoped for my due date of 11/11/11, we soon realized it was actually fortuitous :)

Why was the 10th fortuitous? Because the 10th of November is the feast of Pope St. Leo the 1st. A loving and benevolent man by all accounts.

Our son is Leo Henry. Our little lion cub. He is perfect, as is his name.

Thank you for your help and to all who wrote in!

Taylor writes:

Hi! I’m a longtime reader of your blogs and am expecting my second baby, gender to surprise us, in early April. Our last name is very common and rhymes with Bones. We have a three year-old boy named Silas D@vid, a name which I was unsure about at first but which I LOVE LOVE LOVE now. Both of Silas’s names are family names, although Silas itself is from so many generations back (i.e., the Revolutionary War) that it didn’t hold any sentimental meaning. My husband and I are both in our thirties. My name is Taylor and my husband’s name is Matt. Given that Matthew was the most common boy’s first name the year we were born and our very common last name, my husband was/is adamant that our children have somewhat unusual names. I am similarly adamant that these names be actual people names and not random words or places. (He lobbied hard for Silas to be named after various Civil War battlefields–Appomattox “Bones” was his favorite. Clearly I vetoed.) I also have a preference for family names.

I have two questions for you:

1) We are pretty settled on a girl name. If the baby is a girl, we want to name her after my mother. Unfortunately, my mom’s name is somewhat problematic: Mary Gay–and she goes by Gay. Mary seems too vanilla, especially with our super common last name, and Gay is out because of obvious schoolyard taunting reasons. BUT, we both love the name May. Is it weird to name a child after someone without using that person’s actual name? What does everyone think about this phenomenon?

2) We are completely stumped when it comes to boy names, which is problematic given that at our most recent ultrasound, we saw what appear to be boy parts. The tech, by our request, did not say one way or the other, so maybe it was a poorly placed umbilical cord?

I like the name Jasper (my great-grandfather’s name), but my husband hates it. He likes the name Moses (an old family name), but I don’t know…. It might grow on me though. I like the name Asa (also an old family name)–he’s on the fence. Other potential family names: Henry (too common?), Lucius (problematic because of Harry Potter villain?), Sullivan, Boon, Homer (obvious Simpsons issue). Non-family names my husband likes include: Micah, Josiah, Ezekiel, Elijah, Ezra, Isaiah. Of those, I like Ezra best. We both like Abraham, nickname Bram, but friends of ours just used it.

Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

 
Normally I am on the conservative end of the spectrum with namesakes: I think the very first change to a name causes a huge drop in honor. However, in this case I think you have a strong point against using Gay, and another strong point against using Mary.

Mary is a name like John: it’s considered an almost generic name for a girl, and yet encountering one in an actual classroom is a pleasantly startling surprise. And so I’d currently be trying to pressure you into reconsidering it—except that your mom doesn’t go by that name. My objection to changing a name is that it causes a drop in honor—but in this case using Mary might be the same drop.

Do you know how your mom feels about it? Does she identify with the name Mary but prefer Gay, or does she dislike the name Mary, or does she forget it’s her first name and not recognize it if someone calls her by it accidentally? And is there a story about why she goes by her middle name? If it’s because she dislikes the name Mary, I think that safely rules it out; but if it’s because it was the name of her dearly-loved grandmother, who then moved in with the family so they started calling your mom Gay to avoid confusion, then that’s another story. And does she realize the difficulties with passing down the name Gay, or does she think that’s silly? All these things weigh in.

Going just on the information we have (you’d like to name a girl after your mother, but neither her first nor her middle name are good candidates), it looks to me as if your solution of using the name May might be the best possible option. (One slight hesitation I have is that May Rhymes-With-Bones brings to mind May June, but I can’t tell how universal that reaction would be.) Would your mother’s maiden name (or some other name of significance to her, such as her mother’s name or her mother’s maiden name) work as a middle name? That would help increase the honor back up towards using-the-actual-name levels.

Another possibility is to name her Mary May Bones and call her May. This uses your mother’s real first name, and also parallels the first-middle combo AND the way your mom goes by her middle name.

Or May is a nickname for Mary, so you could name her Mary with a different middle name and call her May directly. Molly is another cute nickname for Mary, so you could see which nickname she grew into.

From the boy names neither of you is ruling out, I like Ezra and Isaiah best. The Harry Pottery reference of Lucius doesn’t bother me, but I don’t like the way Silas and Lucius sound together: so much L and S. (I have a similar but lesser issue with Moses.) Lucien would take out one of the S sounds and remove the Harry Potter issue—but it also removes the family-nameness. I think I would reserve Boon for the middle name slot: it’s hard to find good one-syllable middle name candidates that aren’t overused. Or I also like some of the other family names for the middle name: Ezra Sullivan Bones, Ezra Lucius Bones, Isaiah Sullivan Bones, Isaiah Lucius Bones, Isaiah Henry Bones.

My brother and sister-in-law had Silas on their list and also liked the name Calvin. Calvin Boon, Calvin Henry; Silas and Calvin.

Cal makes me think of Mal which makes me think of Malcolm. Malcolm Bones; Silas and Malcolm.

Would Abram be too close to your friends’ choice of Abraham/Bram?

I also like the early-American-settler sound of Abel “Bones.”

I think Gideon is underused, and goes wonderfully with your surname and with Silas.

Another name I consider underused is Rufus, but I’m worried it might be too rhymey with Silas.

I think I’ve seen Conrad on the same finalist lists with Silas before.

Oh, I wonder if Haskell would work? Silas and Haskell.

Or Hugo might be very handsome, and I like the repeating long-O sound. Silas and Hugo.

Or Milo or Leo, for the same reason. Silas and Milo; Silas and Leo.

Which makes me think of Lyle: Silas and Lyle. Too much long-I and L, maybe?

Or would you like Everett? Everett Bones; Silas and Everett.

Name update! Taylor writes:

Thanks so much for your awesome suggestions. My husband and I had decided on Abel for a boy, thanks to your input, but after a 30 hour labor that ended in a c-section, my husband suddenly decided he no longer had issues with my favorite name. Asa James “Bones” was born at 6:52pm on 4/4/12. Thanks again!