Laura writes:

I have been a regular reader of your blog since I became pregnant with my second child, a girl. I am now 38 weeks along, and a wrench of indeterminate size has been thrown into our baby-naming process.

Background: At least five years ago, my husband and I fell in love with the name Sophie, were we ever to have a daughter. It is the only girl’s name we have ever agreed on. It would have been our 3 yo son Liam’s name if he’d been a girl, without question or hesitation. We like the meaning of the name, and far prefer it to the more popular Sophia, and we think it works nicely as a sib-set with Liam, whose middle name is Asher (our last name sounds like cah-NOOD-son). With this pregnancy I have been considering alternatives, because for some reason I’ve become bored with Sophie. It feels faded to me, like a shade of paint that I don’t love, but now it’s too late and too much work to repaint the room (or something like that.) I considered and liked Alma, Ada, Adelaide, Stella, and Eliza – a derivative of my own middle name, Elizabeth, and also the name of many of my ancestors. My husband only likes Alma from this list (for awhile we had decided on the first/middle Sophie Alma – but that eventually seemed just too old-lady for me and, I thought, not a good match for the more modern-sounding Liam Asher). My husband likes Sierra and Gabriella, neither of which I really like. Just last week it seems, we finally settled once again on Sophie for a first name and my own last name for her middle name (rhymes with Pam). “Settled” being a good word for it….

Wrench: last weekend, my mom – in her mid-60s – announced that she is getting remarried (she and my dad divorced about 1 year ago after a long, long separation). The man she is marrying, whom we have all known for a long time, has a grown-up niece he is extremely close to – named Sophie. He thinks of her like his daughter. While it is unlikely we will interact with his Sophie very much, since she lives across the country, I feel like somehow naming my daughter Sophie is a tribute to him, which is NOT the message I want to send to her or to my dad or to anyone in our family. And even though we have been secretive about our baby name choice, out of the blue my mom suggested Sophie to me a few months ago – which makes me even further not want to use it. Since absolutely nobody saw a marriage proposal coming, including, I think, my mom – I didn’t have to consider this before. Now I feel like just when I had come around to choosing Sophie again, there is a strong reason not to use it. Even my husband said today, “Do you still like the name Eliza for a first name? I guess I could get used to that…”. We have less than 3 weeks before our baby is born. Help! What suggestions do you have for naming our little girl?

Thank you SO much

It’s hard to give up a name you’ve been committed to for so long and start the selection process all over again—but if you were feeling bored with the name, this engagement might be exactly the merciful kick needed to let you start fresh. I definitely don’t think you NEED to start over: I think we could find ways for you to make it clear that this was not a tribute (“Yes, what a funny coincidence! We’ve had this name picked out for years—since way before Liam!”)—but if the problems with the name Sophie have piled up too high now, we are ready to roll up our sleeves and find something new.

I think Eliza is so wonderful, I almost want to leave my sleeves where they are. It’s perfect with Liam. It’s perfect with the middle name. I love the family-name connection. It’s one of my own favorite names: I love how flexible it is, working well for sassy girls or shy girls or smartypants girls or sunshiney girls or goth girls.

Another place to look is other names with the same meaning as Sophie (I’m using the “Intelligence & Wisdom” section of Baby Names Made Easy: The Complete Reverse-Dictionary of Baby Names). Minerva is one of my favorites, and I see Alma on the list. I’m not sure if Liam and Alma share too many letters/sounds—or if that’s the very thing that makes them work together.

Or we can see if we can find something between your list and your husband’s list. You like Stella and he likes Gabriella, so Ella might be a possibility. Liam and Ella.

Or I wonder if you’d like Annabel: it has the -el sound and some of the frilliness of Gabriella, but with Anna to fit it more with Ada and Eliza. Liam and Annabel. I love that almost as much as Eliza.

Or Fiona. Liam and Fiona. Both have a Celtic style and that same I-sound, and the “fee” sound in Fiona is reminiscent of the “fee” sound in Sophie.

Or Isla, or Iris. These remind me a little of Alma, but more current.

I know a sibling set named Liam and Nora and I think it sounds really good together. Very similar styles without seeming over-matched.

Starting with Sierra, but trying to bring it closer to your style: Sabrina. Liam and Sabrina.

Or Clara. Liam and Clara.

Or Cecily. Liam and Cecily.

Starting with Gabriella, but trying to bring it closer to your style: Genevieve. Liam and Genevieve. Evie for short: Liam and Evie.

Or I love Eva anyway, but especially with Liam: Liam and Eva.

Name update! Laura writes:

Hi Swistle – thank you so much for your help and your readers’ advice. Triangulating among many wonderful suggestions (Eliza, Cecily, Sierra, Stella, Ella, Gabriella, Annabel, and Eva, to name a few), our daughter Ellery Sophia “Pam” “Cahnoodson” was born November 18. The name Ellery came to me in a dream when I was first pregnant. I mentioned it to my husband at the time and he was like, what kind of name is that?! I discounted it totally, but mentioned it again when I was 40 wks pregnant and he suddenly liked it for being unique and having a cool meaning, “grove of alder trees”. We kept going back and forth between Ellery and Sophie, Ellery and Sophie, asking a bunch of close friends what they thought, and trying to discern a middle name. Intellectually I had finally settled upon Sophie, but within moments of meeting her, I knew that wasn’t her name! It just didn’t fit! I was in disbelief that meeting the baby would really help us choose, but now I would seriously urge anyone who can’t decide on a name to hold on to the choices, and see what the baby looks like before picking one. It was suddenly so clear…I proposed Ellery Sophia to my husband within 5 minutes of delivery. (I don’t know why, but previously it hadn’t occurred to me we could keep both names if we went with Sophia; Ellery Sophie being too rhymy). Although we didn’t really want to give her four names, we just could not let go of any of them. 24 hours later we shared her name with the world. She is a beautiful and happy girl, and big brother Liam just wants to give her kisses all the time. Her unofficial nickname in the house is “little Elle” and Liam is “big L”. Thanks again!