Sara writes:
My husband doesn’t hate my chosen girl name (Norah Anne Zimmermann) but he doesn’t love it. Since I was sixteen or maybe younger (and I’m almost 30 now) this has been what I have wanted to name my little girl, and so this him not liking it is really making me sad. (I chose Norah Anne because Norah is my daddy’s first name abbreviated spelt backwards (his name is Ron) Anne is my mother’s middle name but also his mother’s middle name. Our boy name (we aren’t finding out what we are having) is Jackson James Zimmermann which we both love.) I feel like Norah is already a person to me, MY little girl, and like I’m abandoning her. I mean my heart is really breaking over this. I know that if I got upset/cried over it/pushed a bit I could make him go for it, but then I’d always wonder, our whole lives, if he let me name her Norah because I was being a big baby about it and he secretly hates her name.
His comments about it are wide…one day he’ll say it doesn’t sound like a strong name. The next he’ll say he thinks it sounds too much like, too close too, Noah who is our nephew, which I think it’s a stretch to say they sound the same, I know it’s just one extra letter but I don’t find that similarity to mean we can’t use it. He comes home from work with suggestions so my feeling is he’s really hoping he’ll find a name he likes that I can also like, and that Norah just isn’t doing it for him.
His suggestions:
His number one and what he keeps bringing up is : Brigen (my problem is it’s a place, a holler in our home town to boot(no longer live there), not a name, and I can’t get over how it sounds slangish for Bringing, you know so any middle name you give her sounds like she’s bringing it, you know, Brigen Grace, Brigen Hope …so forth)
Molly (it sounds like a little girls name, but not like a woman’s name)
Sadie (I don’t like the sad in it, and again sounds like a little girls name)
Jessica (Eh,)
Ruby (no)
Ruth (which his big selling point is we could call her Baby Ruth which, I’m sure she’d appreciate that.)
I’ve been trying hard the last week to ditch the name Norah and find something else I like, but everything seems to please me way less than Norah but here’s what I have:
Elery (I like how soft this sounds, but he’d probably buy Norah over this)
Sophia (I like this, but not Sophie, which she’d end up being called I’m sure)
Hannah (I like this but I had a dog named this once, which not sure my child would appreciate that story)
Emma (but it seems, overdone)
Isabella (maybe the same as emma overdone?)
Cora (I like this best but fear I like it best because its so similar to Norah, and if he was to soften to Norah should we have another girl, we couldn’t have a Norah and a Cora)I feel like we’re in a situation where someone is going to have to fold. I mean, Norah has been such a part of my dreams for years, like I said earlier it’s almost like I’ve dreamed her into existence, and so I feel like I’m grieving this loss. I’ve told him somewhat how much I love the name and that I’ve always thought of it as my daughter’s name, but I haven’t pushed it and I don’t want too. But If he doesn’t start liking it soon, then I’m going to have to give it up, and I don’t want to be looking at my newborn baby and wishing she had a different name. Maybe this baby will be a boy and I’m doing all this worrying for nothing…but.
How would you deal with this issue? Do you have any suggestions of names that I might like as well as Norah? Our baby is due early January.
Thanks
I think the first step is to consciously separate the name from the child. When you say abandoning the name feels like abandoning the child, you’re explaining to us how intensely you feel about the name and the style of intensity it is—but I think it could help to see if you can reason with your feelings. Picture the baby growing inside you, and picture a little slideshow of names going over his or her head, one second each: Liz. Roger. Hailey. Caden. Margaret. Elmer. Bitsy. Ian. Jennifer. Brady. Madison. Liam. April. Elliot. Bianca. Nick. Notice how the curled comfy growing baby stays the same and only the name changes.
We know this is how it is: the baby is who he or she is, and won’t be swapped out for a different baby if you don’t use the name you’d planned to use at age 16. We know that if you are carrying a girl and you abandon the name Norah, the name blows away like a dry leaf but your daughter stays right where she is: you lose the name, but not the child. Some names may feel more like “my baby” than other names, and that’s a good sorting method for finding one’s own naming style—but the baby is your baby either way. And in this case, it sounds like Norah is the name of your little girl where “your” was singular: the dream-baby of a young girl who wasn’t picturing another parent being involved. Now that the other parent has arrived and the baby is more than a dream, it seems appropriate to find a name for your-plural little girl.
It will be difficult to do this if you compare each new possible name candidate to the name Norah. If the name Norah is out of the running for this baby (and it sounds like it is, if your husband doesn’t love it and you don’t want to use it unless he does), your goal is not to find a name you like better than the name Norah, but instead to find the name you like best of the names that remain. (And I think you’re smart to keep in mind that Norah might be a possible sister name later on: Paul was opposed to a name with our first baby, but then he’s the one who chose it for our second baby.)
You came up with Norah by spelling your dad’s name backwards, so you could look for other names that include “nor,” such as Eleanor or Honor or Honora.
Or you could look for names that spell his name forward, such as Bronwyn, Veronica, Rona, Caron, Claron, Heron, Aeron, Cameron. (I prefer this idea, since classically the concept of spelling something backwards has been used to indicate creepy opposition.)
Or, as you say, perhaps this baby will be a boy.
From the candidate list, Brigen reminds me of Bronwyn from the “contains Ron” list, so perhaps Bronwyn would be a good compromise name.
Brigen also reminds me of Megan and Reagan and Bridget and Rowan and Brinley and Brooklyn and Keegan and Teagan and Morgan.
I think Molly does work on grown-ups, but it can also be a nickname for Mary. Or you could use Holly.
If you like Elery and Emma, I wonder if you’d like Emery or Emily or Ella or Hillary.
I also think Lila(h) would be a very good candidate.
Name her Eleanor and you can call her Nora?
I liked the suggestions of Eleanor or Bronwyn and they both sound nice with Anne. Or maybe a name that just starts with R. Ruby and Ruth are two of my favorites but since they’re not doing it for you, how about Rachel, Rebecca or Rhiannon? That last one has ron in it, albeit with some letters in between. If deep in your heart you’re pretty sure he’s never going to come around, you could reverse the name, maybe tweak it to Anna Nora. Some people might not like the double-a ending but I do quite a bit. (I know a girl named Anna Luna and I’ve always liked it.)
BTW, I think you’ve got a really good last name to work with. Everything sounds good with Zimmerman. I’m especially partial to Hannah Zimmerman and who knows, she might like the link to a beloved childhood pet.
To me Brigen sounds like Brigham Young. Lenora? Ronna? Ronnie? I think sometimes we get a fantasy of our child. But it’s a fantasy. When the child is here he or she changes your life so much. Changes YOU so much more than you can imagine. You will not be the same person. And the baby will not be your fantasy baby. He or she will be beyond better than your fantasy. So let go of the name and fantasy. You will love the child more than any name.
I agree with Swistle regarding your outlook on Norah. It’s easy to think about what you’d name your children when there isn’t a partner involved – your opinion is the only one that counts. My naming style and my husband’s naming style are completely different, but we compromised and in the end, found something we were both happy with. Your baby will still be awesome and amazing, and even without the name Norah, she’ll be the daughter you’d always envisioned.
What about Annora instead? I know Swistle suggested Honora but you could work the Anne in the first name and let your husband choose the middle. And since he likes Molly and Sadie, he might like to call her Annie. I like Annora Brigen Zimmerman. Plus, if you have a boy sometime in the future, Jack and Annie is a cute sibling set.
Funny, Norah is on my list only because my true love, Nori, evinces such strange responses from folks. Names with a similar quality to Norah (to me) are: Jenna, Taya, Rosa, Isla and Mira. Your choice of Jackson leads me to think you might be open to more modern alternatives ending in “a”. Iris is classically beautiful, as well. Two names that are new to me and that I’m a bit fascinated by, are Roella and Rozenn, but I have the luxury of not be pregnant. My husband name our 2nd daughter Robin when our first name choice, Catherine, just didn’t fit her at all. I was so exhausted from a long labor that I just went with it even though I wasn’t sure I loved it. But interestingly, our Robin Kate has always loved her name, even though it’s currently more popular for boys. And, because I love her, the name totally grew on me.
I love the name Norah, and while I agree with swistle the backwards thing is usually done out of creepiness, I also love its connection to your father. So this is hard to say BUT it was the name YOU have dreamed of for years on your little girl. Not the name YOU & your spouse dreamed of together…let it go and choose something else.
It’s really tough to give up a name you’ve loved for years. I think you 1st need to tell how you really feel like you did hear and then go from there. Sometimes names can grow on people when they hear how much it means to someone. It’s worth a try anyway. Also look for possible nn for Norah that he may like. If that doesn’t help look for another name you both like. Who knows maybe when she’s born she won’t even look like a Norah? Or it will be a boy :)
It’s hard to give up a name you love, and there are names that I loved, but won’t be able to use on a future child because of my husband’s bad associations (Madeline’s his grandmother’s name, Elizabeth the name of his father’s exwife; etc.).
BUT I think you need to be fluid with the name anyway, because you don’t know if you’re having a boy or girl anyway.
For what it’s worth I do like Cora, but it does limit your option of using Norah going forward. Naomi? Instead of Sophia, Sonia?
And I love, LOVE Hannah, and I’m sure it won’t matter that you ever had a pet by that name.
Some of my favorite names which you might like:
Eleanor
Evelyn
Isadora (has the “sad” problem of Sadie, but combines the “ora” that you seem to like with the cadence of Isabella)
Maura
Cecilia (Celia)
Good luck!
Growing up, I picked out all the names of my daughters. Then a few funny things happened:
I had ONE daughter. (Oh, which name to pick?!)
All the names became popular (within the top 10) over the years. And I could never give my child a popular name; it would be like giving her a curse.
My husband liked very, VERY different names.
In the end, we made a list of what OUR priorities were (uncommon, sentimental, not after a family member, inspired by nature). With those in place, choosing a name became 100% smoother.
It sounds like some of your (meaning your husband included) priorities are:
named after a family member
feminine, not girly
has a charming nickname
With those in mind, may I humbly suggest:
Annalise (Anne, Anna, Annie)
Rhoda (Rho)
Marian (Mary, Rhee, Anne)
Geneva (Genny, Eevie, Eva)
Susannah (Suzie, Annie)
Moriah (Molly, Rhee)
Calla (Callie)
Cordelia (Cora, Dee, Leah)
Andrea (Annie, Drae, Rhee)
Rachel (Rae)
Miriam (Miri, Rhee)
Helena (Lena)
Augusta (Aggie, Gussie)
Dorothy (Dot, Dottie, Rho)
Theodora (Thea, Dori)
Lynnette (Lynn, Nettie)
Arden (Dennie, Aura)
Desdemona (Desi, Mona)
Imogen (Immie, Genny)
Nerissa (Nessie, Riss)
Sylvia (Silly, Sissy, Vee)
Violet (Vee, Lettie)
Best wishes to you and your husband and your baby!
I know this is SO hard but I’d like to gently encourage you to try and take a long-term view of this situation. This is (not ‘seems’, IS) a huge deal right now – understandably. You are wrestling with the idea of giving up a long-held dream. It is by no means easy. Anyone who tells you to just get over it doesn’t understand.
However, I can just about guarantee that in a few years you will look back at this time and marvel at how much this meant to you. You will try to muster up the same depth of emotion about giving up Norah and you won’t be able to. The deep emotions will likely be gone and you will look at your five year old with the perfect name that fits him/her so well and not be able to imagine him/her with any thing else.
It will be okay. You will find something else.
I hope you and your husband can find something that you are both equally happy with for your (plural) child.
All the very best.
I don’t think that you MUST give up your dream name–that’s clearly your and your husband’s decision. I do agree with Swistle, though, that if you don’t want to push and he’s not coming around on his own, you’re maybe de facto making your decision.
I like the “nor” and “ron” names that everyone has suggested. You said that your father’s name *abbreviated* is Ron–is his name Ronald? That yields more syllables and sounds that you can try–rona, ona, nal, ald. Rona/Ronah, Ona/Onah, Mona, Leona, Fiona, Nala/Nalah, Annaliese, Alda/Aldah, and Emerald immediately spring to mind, but a few quick searches would yield many more.
There are also many lovely names with slightly-rearranged versions of these letters and sounds–Marion, Adaline, and Dahlia are examples.
If your father’s name is something else (Aaron? Cameron? Ronan? Darron?) then you get to play with ar or cam or ame or nan or dar!
Would your husband come around if you spruced up the middle name a bit? If his complaint is that it doesn’t seem like a strong enough name for him, maybe it’s the plain-jane Anne that’s throwing him?
Norah Brigen. That’s my suggestion.
Yes, you lose the connection to your respective mothers without the Anne, and yes, it’s different from your always-imagined-oh-so-perfect-name (which is a problem that I get, I DO!), but I think that when it comes down to it, it is more important that you find a name that you can both feel happy with. Norah Brigen seems like a really great compromise. And, might I add, I actually like it more than Norah Anne!