F. writes:

We are expecting our first child, a boy, the first week of August, in less than a month. He is still nameless, and this starting to worry both my husband and I.

I never thought it would take me so long to name my child. I have been interested in and besotted with baby names for as long as I can remember. It’s a great honor and a huge responsibility. Exciting on a good day, and terrifying and depressing on a bad day. Thanks, pregnancy hormones.

His surname will my husband’s: it sounds like Jelens.

A few criteria: His: no L; a good one-syllable nickname. Mine: no J; something that will work (more or less) in English, German and French; not too popular, although if I fell in love with a name, I wouldn’t care.

My list has mostly old-fashioned names, some baby books might put many of them in the “Ladies and Gentlemen” section: Henry, Arthur, Walter, Willem, Casper, Homer, Theodore (Teo!). I don’t like all of these to the same degree, but you get the idea.

He has vetoed every single one of them, mainly because they’re “old man names”. (Which they’re not!)

He likes:

Joshua

Zachary (Zach). I’m the one who suggested this very early on. I’m not convinced.

Nicander (Nico, Nick). This has special significance for him. I’m warming to the idea, but I’m not sold. Is Nicander strange? Or does it sound familiar enough because of Alexander, Leander? I like Nico as a nn, but that’s getting really popular.

Kai. I’m not fully opposed. We both like its internationalism and multiple meanings.

Tyler (Ty), Skyler (Sky), Ryder (Ry)… there’s a pattern here. I’m not a fan.

We both sort of like Milo, too. I don’t object to Nicander and Kai.

The middle name might be a family name, from my side or his, depending on who got more say in the first name department. We’ll deal with that once we have a first.

For reference, my girl-list would have been: Louise, Greta, Adele, Frieda, Mathilda, Camille, Minna, Agatha. He really dislikes most of these.

His would have been: Miranda, Calliope.

I know that there will have to be a compromise. Should we scratch all these and start over? I feel like we’re all over the place. Any feedback and help from Swistle and her wonderful commentators is appreciated.

 
It seems to me that men more often than women have trouble updating what a “current” baby name is. I remember Paul’s name ideas being pretty much all the names of his former classmates.

I suggest Isaac. I think of it as “the next Zachary” (and in fact it can use Zac as a nickname), and it’s a name that occasionally gets called old-mannish even though it’s well into the Top 50. Or “the next Noah”: a name that seems biblical but is in fact already mainstreamed. Another nickname possibility is Ike, which is similar in sound to Ty, Sky, Ry, Kai. I love it with your surname: Isaac Jelens. And I think it goes well with many of the girl name possibilities, in case he has a sister some day: Isaac and Louise, Isaac and Miranda, Isaac and Mathilda.

Since you like Arthur and you both like Milo, I suggest Arlo. No good nickname, sadly.

If Arlo is a little too uncommon, I suggest Archer. It has the NOT-old-man sound of a name like Archie or Arthur, but with a surname/occupational sound that’s very current. Again, nickname problem: Archie is great, but it’s two syllables instead of one.

I think the nickname Nic/Nick saves Nicander from seeming too odd to use. Another huge plus is being able to say “Like Alexander, but with Nic instead of Alex.” This is the first time I’ve encountered the name and I don’t know if it’s nih-CAN-der or NIH-can-der (I would guess nih-CAN-der because of the Alexander model), but I think I’d only need to hear it once to remember it. If I heard it without seeing it, I’d be pretty sure I knew how to spell it; I might put a K in there, but it looks more right to me without a K.

The main consideration, I think, is future sibling names: if you name your first child Nicander, will you be painting yourself into a corner? Nicander is either completely or virtually unused in the U.S. (it’s hard to tell for sure: it isn’t in the Social Security site‘s data base for the past five years or so I looked at—but that data base doesn’t show any name used fewer than five times in a year, so there could be, say, 4 Nicanders born per year and it would look the same as if it were zero), and so if you’d like to use compatible sibling names, that will present a commonness/style-compatibility challenge right away. Nicander and Arlo might work, or maybe Nicander and Kai—but probably not Nicander and Joshua, or Nicander and Tyler. If you wanted to change the middle name concept from “family name” to “name of special significance,” Nicander might make a wonderful middle name choice—while still letting you use family names for future siblings.

Name update! F. writes:

Nicander Ferdinand “Pattner” “Jelens” was born on Aug. 4th 2011.
We decided that Nicander was familiar sounding (not made-up), and the more my husband and I talked about names, the more I grew to love it. I tested it with potential sibling names, and it seems okay to pair it with more traditional names. Most people have not had trouble with it (if they do a simple “like Alexander, or Leander” provides instant clarity). Some people think it sounds Scandinavian, and our Greek and Italian friends think it’s fabulous. (Nicander of Colophon was a Greek poet and physician, and Nicandro is an Italian patron saint.)
Ferdinand is my paternal grandfather’s middle name, Nicander is his first great-grandchild and he is tickled pink. I’ve always thought that Ferdinand was a pleasing, quirky, unconventional name. His second middle name “Pattner” is my surname.
The name fits our little Nick perfectly. He’s a happy baby, and sleeping well at night, too, which keeps his parents on the sane side.
Thanks again, Swistle and friends!