Maggie writes:
We are Maggie and Alonzo Lestrade and are expecting our third and final child, a boy, on June 1. We have two children, a boy, John “Jack” Colton, and a girl, Rachel Aurelia. The first name will be a family name and the middle name will just be one we both like. The family name is the first name because although I share my middle name with my grandmother, I have never felt any particular connection to the name, or to her so if we name our children after relatives, I definitely want them to feel a strong connection to that relative and feel that putting the family name as their first name will ensure that. Because I lobbied so hard for that, I gave up naming rights for our first two children. We have the name Harlow Wyatt or Harlow Ethan picked out. Harlow is my maiden name and as I will be the only one of my siblings to have children, I definitely want to pass it on. We have had this name picked out for a child since we got married and we like it very much. However, recently a friend confessed to me that seeing Harlow reminds her of the word harlot. No one has ever said that to me before and I did carry the name around for I was horrified. I’m in a complete panic about whether or not to keep the name. Alonzo insists it’s fine and I admit, I did have to Google “harlot” to find out what it means. Are we crazy to still be considering naming our child Harlow if it reminds people of harlot? No one else I’ve asked has seen that connection. I’d like to know if most people are reminded of harlot when they see/hear Harlow. My husband and I have looked into using a similar name but have rejected Harley, Harper, Marlow, and Arlo. We don’t like any of those names and I don’t feel an emotional connection to any of them. If we don’t pick Harlow, I don’t know what else to do. There aren’t any male relatives in my family whom I’m interested in naming a child after.
Several elements of this question are making it difficult to answer:
(1) If this is a name you have both liked, and have had picked out for a child since you got married, and you in particular had a strong motivation to definitely use it, how did it get to the third and final child before being used?
(2) In what way did your adamant stance on the first name being a family name lead to you losing all say in your first two children’s names? And were your first two children given family names as their first names?
(3) How does the concept of “feeling a strong connection to a relative” apply when the name being used isn’t the name of one single relative but of an entire branch of a family tree?
Harlow does not make me think of the word harlot. I don’t even think of it now that it’s been pointed out. Let’s have a poll over to the right, to get an approximate feeling for what percentage of the population your friend represents. [Poll closed; see results below.]
The main issue with the name Harlow, for me, is that it is used primarily as a girl name: in 2010, according to the Social Security Administration, 349 new baby girls were named Harlow (and another 26 named Harlowe), but only 21 baby boys. It’s too soon to call it (it’s rising for both girls and boys), but my own prediction is that the name is going to the girls.
Another issue to consider is that I don’t think it DOES guarantee a strong family connection to use the name as a first name: some people feel strongly connected to their namesakes and some don’t. If you felt no particular connection to your grandmother, do you think that relationship would have been dramatically changed if her name had been your first name instead of your middle?
I suggest using your maiden name as his middle name: it will not matter so much if the name ends up being a “girl name,” and I don’t think having it in the first name slot will automatically create strong relationships with everyone on that side of the family. I suggest naming him Ethan Harlow or Wyatt Harlow: both names go well with Jack, though I think Ethan is better with Rachel.
But if you DO use it as his first name, I suspect it will NOT make most people think of harlots, and also he can say “It’s my mother’s maiden name,” which I’ve found is the sort of explanation that makes people back WAY UP on any objections they might otherwise have about a name.
Poll results for “Does the name Harlow make you think of the word Harlot?” (417 votes total):
Yes: 16%
No: 71%
It DIDN’T, but from now on it will: 13%
Name update! Maggie writes:
Our son Ethan Harlow Lestrade was born on May 30. Eventually we decided that no matter how masculine the name sounds to us, we don’t want him being mistaken for a girl his entire life. Thanks so much to Swistle and everyone else who commented!
I absolutely do not think of the word harlot, but I do think of Jean Harlow, which makes it seem feminine to me. And yet, the name devoid of any context feels more masculine. Of the other names you considered, only Arlo is solidly used as a boy’s name, so maybe you don’t care so much what people think of the name’s perceived gender.
I think Ethan Harlow is pretty great with your surname and his sibling’s names.
I think while carrying on your maiden name is a great thing I’ll be honest that the first thing I thought when I saw Harlow was girl. First thing that came to mind was Nicole Richie because she named her daughter Harlow, I’ve never heard the name before so I only associate it with little girls now. I like Swistle’s suggestion of putting it in the middle name slot.
I don’t think of harlot BUT I do think only of girls. I tend to like Harlow better as a middle name in your case.
I would not worry about the ‘harlot’ thing, especially for a name that you love. However, I also think of Harlow as a feminine name… something to consider. I love Harlow as a middle name though.
I think the word harlot is rarely used in modern parlance. I know the word but never thought of it when hearing the name Harlow. I didn’t, however, know the name was ever used for boys and I thought it was exclusively a female name. The thing that would make me uneasy about using it in this case, is that the siblings Jack and Rachel have very clearly defined boy and girl names, respectively.
I thought “Harlow” was only a girls’ name. It seems risky to use a name that’s almost exclusively a girls’ name for a boy, especially for one whose brother has a totally masculine name, John nn Jack.
I don’t think very many people even use the word harlot anymore. I wouldn’t let it discourage you.
I do very much consider Harlow to be a girls’ name though. I think it makes a great middle name.
I know a baby boy named Harlow and this has never, ever occurred to me. Go ahead and use it, and don’t be horrified!
I do think of harlot, actually. I did when Nicole Richie used it. And I do think of it as being a girl’s name BUT I think that’s mostly because of the celebrity use and the harlot meaning. But since it has a meaning to your family, I think it’s definitely usable. And it makes me think of the name Avery, where it could be used for a boy or a girl. I do like Swistle’s suggestion of it being in the middle name position…a good compromise.
I’m in the not harlot, but girl name group. I do agreee it works better as a middle name.
What about Harlo? I know it’s not the same spelling as your maiden name, but without the W, it somehow looks more masculine. It’s more Carlo and less Jean Harlowe.
If you loved it and were totally set on it until your friend’s confession, I think you should use it.
I agree with every word Swistle wrote. I feel especially strongly about using it as his middle name because Ethan fits SO well into your sibling set, and with “ordinary” names like Jack and Rachel, Harlow sticks out like a sore thumb. I also feel that Ethan Harlow flows MUCH better than Harlow Ethan.
I don’t think of a harlot, but I do think of Jean Harlow and Nicole Richie…
I wouldn’t worry about it being close to harlot. And I think it’s fine to use as a first or middle. I like both Ethan and Wyatt, but have a slight preference for Ethan.
The name Harlow reminds me irresistibly of this story about old Hollywood: Jean Harlow, upon meeting Margot Asquith for the first time, mispronounced her first name as “margott.” Margot replied sweetly, “No, no, dear, the ‘t’ is silent, as in Harlow.” Burn!
So yes, Harlow does make me think of Harlot. (Unrelatedly!) it sounds like a feminine name to me.
I’m going to be pretty unhelpful to you here, but can’t resist! First, I agree with Swistle and most of the other commenters that a) “harlot” didn’t cross my mind (for me, the “t” is pronounced, so it’s a completely different word) and b) I did think of it primarily as a girl’s name.
But the real deal-breaker for me is that there is a (not very nice) town in England called Harlow – my aunt lived there – and THAT alone would put me off the name. But I realise that that is a total non-consideration for US readers…
I’d definitely go for the middle name position though, Harlow doesn’t “fit” with Jack and Rachel at all (and yes, I’m curious about why you didn’t do all this for your first child, too!).
Harlow reads “girl name” to me and then I’ve seen it mentioned on name discussion forums where people mention how it reminds them of the word harlot. So it does make me think of harlot, but that’s secondary to me thinking of it as a ‘celebrity girl name’.
So personally I’d put it in the middle name spot.
When I first I heard the name Harlow, when Nicole Richie named her girl, I did think of the word “harlot” – perhaps because I also think of words like “strumpet” when I think of Hollywood!
I agree with other comments that the name is moving into, if not already firmly in the camp of Girl’s Name. I have a 19-yr-old cousin named Jordan whose name didn’t become girlified until he was a teen but he still finds it difficult that many people think he has a “girl name.” I would probably keep that in mind when making the decision.
Also agree that it makes a great middle name, for either gender. The name Ethan Harlow is stellar.
I like the name Harlow. Even now that it’s been pointed out, it doesn’t remind me of the word “harlot.” It also doesn’t seem “girlish” to me. It seems like it’s been used in such small numbers for either gender that that isn’t a big consideration (for me, anyway). I also think it being a family surname trumps everything. Since you love the name, I think you should use it!
Like the others, I don’t hear harlot, but do hear “girl.” However, it’s uncommon enough (and not so different from Arlo, which is boy) that you can probably get away with it.
I do think your point on first vs. middle namesakes affecting how close you feel to family is interesting, though. I think this is very personal, and something that is very much in your control as a parent. My family puts family names in the middle position (both mother and father’s sides did this, so my parents continued it). I do feel close to my namesake (my great-grandmother), largely because my parents made a point of talking about it, taking photos of us together (since she died while I was too young to remember), etc. Similarly, my sister, who shares a middle name with a great-aunt, would receive special packages from her namesake, etc. It was emphasized that we each had special connections to people, living or not. I actually hate my middle name as a name, but I love it for the connections to my family and my history that I feel as a result. I also love having my own first name that belongs to no one but me. So I feel strongly that you can build that family attachment/connection regardless of which position the name is in.
I had heard that story about Jean Harlow and Margot, so that’s the only reason the association would be there for me.
I think it’d be nice in the middle name slot.
My first granddaughter shares my middle name Ellen, and she’s often said how much she likes it that we have the same middle name — so much so that she has the name Elena chosen (reserved!) as the name for the daughter she hopes to have within the next couple of years. I think we would have been close even without sharing a name, but that has made us more so.
However, some other family members haven’t been especially close to someone they were named after, no matter whether that name is their first or middle. So I don’t think sharing a name with a relative is any guarantee of a close bond forming between the two.
As for Harlow as a given name, when I heard that parents were beginning to name their daughters Harlow, I *immediately* associated that with the word harlot. 1930s sexy movie star Jean Harlow probably adds to that connection of Harlow and harlot when Harlow is used as a FIRST name.
I like the idea of giving your new baby a family name too, but I would put Harlow in the middle. Ethan Harlow would go very well with both John (called Jack) and Rachel, as all three are biblical names. (I don’t find Wyatt compatible with your other children’s names, or Harlow as a first name compatible with John/Jack and Rachel.) I don’t think the Harlow/harlot association some people have with the name would matter as a middle name which is his mother’s maiden name.
Best wishes!
I am firmly in the girls name camp. Harlow just screams girl to me. But Ethan Harlow is really, really nice, and although I will think of harlot NOW that you’ve brought it up it’s not what occurs to me naturally.
I’m curious, like Swistle, about why Harlow is only coming up for the third child!
I, too, think that Harlow, at least in the United States, is perceived as a girl’s name. What about Arlo? It is actually in Harlow, and it has the same vibe and sound, plus it’s definitely boy.
I also wanted to throw out a vote for Wyatt over Ethan. I have a little boy Jack and little boy Wyatt, and we considered Ethan too. I agree that Ethan “goes” better with Rachel, but I doubt anybody would look at little Wyatt and little Rachel and think their names didn’t match.
Good luck and congratulations!
-Holly
To me, Harlow is a girl name. And, yes, it does sadly have the ‘harlot’ connotation, too. In my mind, it’s nearly equivelent to naming my daughter ‘Delilah’ or ‘Jezebel’.
BUT if used for a boy in the middle name spot, I would probably assume, “Oh, must be family name.” (I know a man with the middle name of ‘Shirley’ who passed the same name on to his son! He once mentioned that it was his mom’s maiden name, and -well- that made it resonable).
Bottom line: I agree with Swistle. Harlow has gone to the girls… even if perhaps it shouldn’t have.
Ethan Harlow sounds great and works nicely with Jack and Rachel.
Best wishes to your growing family!
Harlow has never made me think of ‘harlot’ until you pointed it out, so if this is your only reservation I would go with the name you were originally so excited to use.
I also don’t think gender neutral names are a bad thing. Hayden is a top 100 boys name, but is also currently ranked 162 for girls. Does this mean the 4000+ parents who choose it for their sons each year should stop using it and give the name over solely to the girls? Gabriel for boys and Gabrielle for girls are both top 100 names and sound almost identical. Quinn is less popular, but practically the same amount of girls and boys were given this name in 2010 (1267 girls and 1221 boys). I think more people commenting on this post are taking exception to Harlow for a boy because it is so unusual as a first name altogether.
However, I think it does bear further consideration that your eldest son has such a strongly masculine name. The way sibling names work together is important.
Harlot rhymes with Charlotte too, but I don’t think that keeps people from using it.
It doesn’t make me think of harlot. It makes me think of Nicole Ritchie and Jean Harlow. And I think of it as a (very cute) girl name.
And as an aside, I think androgynous names pretty much always become girl names over time. Because people are more willing to give their daughters a boyish name than vice-versa.
>>Harlot rhymes with Charlotte too, but I don’t think that keeps people from using it.
That too has occurred to me, but it’s not as obvious as Harlow/harlot — just one letter difference.
As others have said, the bigger issue may be that Harlow is perceived by most people as a girl’s name. Here’s Nameberry’s take on the name:
Harlow
Gender: F
Jean Harlow, the original platinum blonde, was a symbol of 1930s glamour, a factor first Patricia Arquette and then Nicole Richie and Joel Madden probably had in mind when they gave their daughters the distinctive Harlow. Harlow has been rapidly catching on with other parents, moving up over one hundred places this year.
Thank you very much to Swistle and everyone who has commented.
First, to answer a few questions. We were going to name our first son Harlow but my husband’s grandfather became very ill shortly before our son was born so we changed it to John and call him Jack. Harlow sounds very masculine to us so it never occurred to us to name our daughter Harlow. We had the name Rachel picked out for our daughter from the very start. Rachel is my mother-in-law’s name. Colton and Aurelia are just names we like a lot.
Putting the family name as their first name will, I hope, help them feel a strong connection to that name and that family member. My middle name is Jane, the same as my grandma’s first name, and I feel no connection to her or to the name. I might as well not even have it. Calling our children by the family name we’ve chosen and placing it as their first name, I think, will help them feel connected to it, even if they choose to go by their middle name later on in life.
This is why I’m reluctant to put Harlow in the middle name slot. If we put it there, we’d never call him Harlow. Jack and Rachel are named after members of my husband’s family so I really want this baby to be named after someone in my family but I have no close male relative. Hopefully Harlow (if we pick that as his first name) will feel a special connection to everyone in my side of the family.
If this baby were a girl, we would have named her Nancy after my mom.
I also think it would be weird to have the family name first for our older children and then as the middle name for this baby.
Most people seeing Harlow as a girls’ name is really strange to me. I think we can probably get away with it as a first name for a boy because it’s really not that popular for girls, either.
I’m very glad everyone likes Ethan. I’m pretty sure we will pick it for the likely middle name.
Right now, I’m thinking that the baby will probably be Harlow Ethan but we will wait until after he is born to fully decide.
Once again, thank you very much to Swistle and everyone who’s commented!!
Maggie, thanks for letting us know why you’re naming this baby Harlow. It sounds like your only concern has been whether most people think of the word harlot when they hear Harlow, and since the majority (76%) of those who responded to Swistle’s poll said they don’t, you’re set to go ahead with the name Harlow for your baby boy.
That so many of us have said that the name’s image is that of a girl doesn’t seem to have phased you. Tabulating the responses above shows that 81% of those who commented think of Harlow as a girl’s name. Thus, most likely your son Harlow’s name will be not be associated with the word harlot, but will be perceived by most people as a girl’s name. Most won’t ask why you chose that name, so the reason for choosing it — “Harlow is his mother’s maiden name” — won’t help change the feminine image of the name.
I can see that it feels to you that giving your son the mostly-girl’s name Harlow makes his name like his brother Jack and sister Rachel’s names — who have a family name first. But I’m concerned that all everyone — and maybe your son too — will see is that he got the odd name in your family.
Harlow is a new name as a first name. It came into use in reference to Jean Harlow, a woman. Baby name authors/experts Rosenkrantz and Satran (“The Baby Name Bible” and about 10 other books) say the name is a girl’s name (see the nameberry reference above). I can see why you’re determined to use it as your son’s first name, but I’m concerned that the name will be a burden to him.
I hope you’ll reconsider and use Harlow as his middle name.
Reading through everything, I’m reminded of a strategy some family friends took many years ago: in their case they had three daughters and very much wanted to use the maiden name, which was a very uncommon boy’s name. So the third girl did get the name since she was the final child—but she got it as her middle name, with her first name a very traditional girl’s name (matching her sisters, who also both had classic girl’s names). But—then they called her by her middle name! So they got to use the name, but her official name was in keeping with the feel of her sisters’ names, and she had the option of switching to the more traditional first name if she wanted. (I think my parents have long since fallen out of touch with the family, but their daughter must be in her late teens now…very curious to know whether she has embraced the unusual name or switched to her first name.)
Either way, I think Harlow remains uncommon enough that you can make it work, but it is worth noting that it jumped from the 900s to the 700s for girls in the last year, while not even charting for boys. That may just be a Richie-related blip, but if it continues, it could mean that though it’s not a popular girl’s name now, it might be by the time your child hits kindergarten or (worse) middle school…something to weigh. Personally I suspect it will continue to lay low and not become super popular, but you just never know.
Before I say anything, sorry I haven’t really read through much of the info/comments…
I think that you should name him Harlow Ethan, and call him Ethan! Or Ethan Harlow.
Kids can be cruel, you wouldn’t want him to have any trouble growing up because he has a ‘girls’ name.
I know that YOU think it’s strange that people consider Harlow a girls name, but what about everyone else? I know you should go with a name that you love, but unfortunately people have to be careful when looking at ‘unisex’ names for their baby.
Congratulations on the birth of Ethan Harlow. I’m glad you wrote to Swistle and heard that most people perceive Harlow as a girl’s first name. I’m sure it was hard to give up your idea of giving this son your maiden name as his first name, but I think you’ll be glad you put Harlow in the middle — a traditional place for mothers’ maiden names — when you notice more girls with the name. I think Harlow could be the new Harper, also a girls’ name, when Harper starts to sound less unique. (Harper jumped from 174 in 2009 to 119 in 2010).
Jack, Rachel and Ethan make a fine sibling name set.