Molly writes:
My grandfather (and my best friend) just passed away. I would really like to honor him in the naming of our child, but there are some complications. His name was Nils Paul Johnson Sr. Unfortunately Nils is reserved for my brother’s future son (the 9th with this name in our family). My husband and I don’t like Paul or any variations that we can think of (ie: Paulina, Pauline, etc.). There are three Johns in my husband’s family and it just doesn’t feel like using John would be directly after Grandpa. A little more about Grandpa: he was a Court of Appeals Judge, a devout Christian, gardener, and family man. We have talked about using the name “Judge” which I adore. Grandpa’s friends always called him Judge as if that was his first name. Hubby likes our previous choice better.
Prior to this we had settled on a boy name: Remington “Remmy” Walker. Hubby is dead set on it. Grandpa didn’t like it. While he would definitely want me to use a name that I loved, it’s just bothering me.
We cannot agree on a girls’ name but enjoy the following: Violet, Scarlett, Penelope, Matilda, Piper, Harper, Leighton and Emerson.
To summarize we like names that are traditional in spelling and easy to read. We will not find out what we are having. I’m due October 19. Our last name is Phillips.
Any of your thoughts would really help.
If you have a boy, I suggest naming him Nils. Names are not one-time-use items or even one-time-per-generation items, and the minor confusion caused by a duplicate, even in a close family that gets together often, is not worth abandoning an entire name to avoid—especially when you have strong reasons for wanting to use it. And am I understanding that the person the name Nils is reserved for is only hypothetical at this point—that is, your brother is not currently expecting a son? He might not even have a boy, in which case it would be even sadder to have not used the name. You could talk to him first about it, explaining your reasons for wanting to use the name and making sure it won’t cause a huge feud.
On the other hand, are we not talking about just one duplicate? I’m thinking of the part where your grandpa was Sr. but your brother’s son would be the ninth Nils. It seems like this argues even more strongly for the idea that the name is not reserved for your brother’s exclusive use—but perhaps it means there are already several children named Nils at family gatherings, in which case we’re not talking about the minor inconvenience of a single duplicate. (And yet, in that case—what’s one more?)
Perhaps you could use Nils as the middle name: this shouldn’t step on any naming-tradition toes, and it matters less whether you and your husband love the name. You can make the namesake more obvious and honor-y by using two middle names, such as Remington Nils Paul Phillips, or Remington Nils Johnson Phillips.
I see what you mean about Remington, but I hope you will not in the end be unduly influenced by whether your grandfather would have liked a name. Previous generations are CLASSIC in their dislike of the current generation’s naming practices—just as the current generation looks back on many of the names used by the previous generation or two and says “Ick.” If your grandfather were alive, it would be pleasing to find a name he might like—but my assumptions about the afterlife include the idea that not liking a baby’s name is one of the lesser concerns, and might even be the sort of thing where a person would think “Why did I even express opinions on such things? What does it matter?” (Swistle Baby Names NEW AND IMPROVED: now with speculations about post-death baby-naming issues!)
For a girl, Nilsa would be very pretty, and might not have the “reserved for brother’s use” issues. One small downside is that with the surname Phillips it makes me think of the singing group Wilson Phillips—but they’re probably not going to be on our kids’ generation’s radar, and it’s only a similar SOUND anyway, not like actually naming the child Wilson.
Judge is adorable on a little boy, but, like the name Doctor, seems like it would be a headache for an adult. I’m imagining a doctor named Dr. Judge Phillips, or a lawyer named Judge Phillips, or a judge named Judge Judge Phillips. I think that name only works when it’s given as a nickname to someone who is already a judge.
If you don’t want to use Nils or Nilsa or any version of Paul or Johnson, it may be time to resign yourself to the idea that it doesn’t always work to honor someone special with a namesake. It’s a heartbreak, but sometimes there’s just no way to do it—and reaching further and further for possible connections can leave you with a name you don’t really like AND that doesn’t really honor the namesake. There is a boy’s name Gardner, and of course there’s the name Christian, or the name Court/Cort, or you could start reaching back to your grandfather’s mother’s maiden name or his siblings’ names, or the name Nils is related to the name Nicholas, or Judd is similar to Judge—but do any of those seem like they’d be named for your grandfather?
Even though a namesake is a wonderful way to honor someone we love, it’s only one of many ways. A printed photo book of all the photos of your grandfather. Framed pictures of him in the baby’s nursery or around the house. Writing down all the memories you have of your grandfather, and telling your babies the stories. A small landscaped area in the yard with a few of your grandfather’s favorite plants and a sign “Grandpa’s Garden.” Some areas do fundraisers by charging a certain amount of money to carve anything you want (such as a name and dates) into a brick, that is then used as part of a pathway.
Name update! Molly writes:
Just writing you to tell you that my husband and I welcomed a baby boy in October. You (and your readers) helped us to go with our guts and stick to our original baby name choice- despite the fact that I was desperately missing my grandfather who had recently passed away. I would like to present to you, Remington Walker Phillips. We have embraced the nickname Remy at present, though will support him if he ever wants to grow out of it. Thank you so much for your help. We definitely do not regret our decision.
You could use the first letter of your Grandfather’s name to honor him. Some N names: Nicholas, Nigel, Nathan, or for girls Noemi, Nadia, Natasha…
Ohh, I like Laura’s idea. My mother was Marilyn, and she died when I was in college. I’m not very in love with the name Marilyn for future daughters, but, I love ‘M’ names because of her.
I agree with Swistle, you can reach too much to find a name that somehow maybe sorta fits, but, then it doesn’t really honor that namesake at all. You’ll find something you love, I just know it!
I don’t have anything helpful to add, but I really like Remington Walker. (It makes me giggle, because I’ve been reading a lot about early six-shooters, and Colt made a pistol called the Walker, while Remington was a competitor. But most people would definitely not have that association, and anyway it’s not a negative one.)
I agree that it is possible to reach too far in order to honor a loved one (especially if its to a name you don’t like!), but I also think that as long as the name makes you FEEL like you have honored them, then that’s what really matters. The middle name spot is a great place for this.
On that note, I love Remington Judge Phillips, Remington Gardener Phillips, Remington Christian Phillips etc.
I also like swistle’s suggestion of Remington Nils Johnson Phillips :)
If you can’t use Nils for whatever reason, although I’m a vote for using it too; I would go with Nils Paul or Nils Johnson as middle names for a boy.
Nils Paul with a very girly first name could also work as middles with a girl name Matilda Nils Paul Phillips or Matilda Nilsa Phillips or even Matilda Paulina Phillips. I know you said you didn’t like Paulina, but I think it works out as a sweet nickname. Additional using Nils Paul as a middle gives it the surname type sound; and I don’t think anyone would even turn their head.
I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. These things are always so hard.
Whoops, meant sweet middle name referring to Paulina – sorry!
Nila Or Nilya are also lovely for a little girl.
I think Swistle’s idea of using the full name (“Nils Johnson”) of the person you want to honor as two middle names (“Remington Nils Johnson Phillips”) is a great and impressive way to honor that person. The one case I know of where that was done, the honored person (who in that case was still living) was so pleased he practically made personal house calls to everyone in his town to tell them the news! There’s just no way to miss it: Remington Nils Johnson Phillips. Yet no problem at all with the person who “officially” gets to use Nils for his son.
As far as Remington, I started out not particularly liking the name, but by the time I finished thinking about it — with that great nickname “Remmy” (and maybe “Rem” for a man), I’ve decided I like it a lot. It sounds so fantastic with Nils and Johnson as middle names. Remington Nils Johnson Phillips. Love it.
If you do have a boy but decide not to use Remington, I wondered if there might be a name that would fit in with your grampa’s Christian faith. Did he have any favorite Christian authors? For example, “Lewis” (C. S. Lewis) or “Murray” (Andrew Murray) or “Finney” (Charles Finney), etc. Or a favorite theologian (Calvin, Luther, etc.) … or perhaps a Bible character he loved (Elijah, Jeremiah, Daniel, David, etc.)?
Annika – I also associate the name Remington Walker with weapons.
Remington Nils Walker Phillips changes the association for me. I LOVE that name.
I like Swistles suggestion of Nilsa. That’s a pretty name. Would Paulette Phillips be more your style if you consider the possible nn’s of Etta or Letti? Some people use Polly as a nn for Paulette, but this might be too close to your name. On the other hand, you may fidn that adorable.
Such a good response, Swistle! I especially like your assumptions on the afterlife and “Swistle Baby Names NEW AND IMPROVED: now with speculations about post-death baby-naming issues.”
For a girl, how about Nyla or Ilsa? Ilsa Phillips is very pretty.
I second (or fourth or wherever we are in the count) using the middle name to honor your grandfather if you have a boy.
And I love the suggestion of Ilsa for a girl. Good luck!
Remington Nils Walker Phillips is a mighty and solid man’s name. It has chops.
Did your grandfather have a particular flower he liked to grow in the garden? If so, it might make a nice girl name… Rose, Lilac, Juniper, Lavender, Camellia, etc. You already have Violet on your list of likable names.
Otherwise, you are already giving your child the greatest heritage possible by telling them of their impressive and respected great-grandfather. I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sure the birth of your child will be such a welcome blessing for your family. All the best to you! Please write back in the fall and tell us what you and your husband decide!
Sorry about your grandfather.
I think it’d be a shame if you don’t use Nils somehow. An even bigger shame if your brother never does use it, either because he never has a son or he plain hates the name. I’d suggest you talk it over with your brother… “We’re thinking about Nils Johnson as middle names unless it’s no skin off your nose, in which case we would LOVE to use Nils as a first name.” You never know. Maybe he and/or his partner (if he has one) would be delighted to have an excuse not to use it. A naming obligation can be no fun at all. My mother loathed my father’s naming “obligation” but could find no way out of it without causing undue family drama.
If you can’t figure a way to get Nils in there, I think Judge would be an awesome middle name. I agree with Swistle that Judge as a fist name could be a headache. He could even go by Judge unless and until it because a headache, when he could revert to his first name.
Good luck!
I had also meant to suggest that maybe the same initials at your grandfather would feel a strong enough connection for you.
I can’t really get a sense of your boy-name style but what about:
Nicholas Pierce
Nathan Pascal
Nigel Perry
Nolan Peter
Add me to the list of those saying use the initials! My grandfather’s name was ND. It didn’t stand for anything, it was just those letters. No middle name. My brother chose to honor him when naming his first son. He picked names that would have ND as the initials. It worked great! good luck
I would leave Nils as a first name for your brother’s possible son. I see it as his priority to reserve the name as it is his name too. And I would not use the title “Judge” as your baby’s first or middle name. Your grandpa earned that title, which is usually conferred on someone who is — a judge. Judge isn’t a name; it’s a title.
I think Nilsa is darling and would be the perfect name for your daughter. It would also be a fine middle name with several of the names on your list of possible girls’ names.
If your baby is a boy, why not Remington Nils? Like your grandpa, I don’t love Remington, but your husband does. I think Grandpa may have softened toward the name had his name Nils been the middle name. Remmy is a cute nn, and Rem a good shortening when he’s older.
Another option (for a boy) is Neil (or Neal). You can also use O’Neill if you like the “son of” connotation….
Remington Judge Walker Phillips
Remington Judge Philips
Judge Remington Philips
Remington Nils Philips
I like the idea of Judge, I think it’s a lovely addition to your already existing name, and a great testament to your Grandfather, in that it’s less about what his name was and more about who he was.
For a girl, I love your names and I think maybe I’d use Nils or Nilsa as a middle name, like Violet Nilsa, or Piper Nilsa.
What about using Penelope (from your list of female names) and calling her by the nickname Polly as a quiet nod to your wonderful Grandpa’s middle name?
Is your brother actually currently expecting a boy baby? If not, I think counting on him to HAVE a son to name Nils is asking for trouble. What if he doesn’t have any boys? Or marries a woman who hates the name Nils? If it’s important to keep the name in the family, AND you and your husband are expecting a boy AND you both like the name Nils… then go for it!