Lisa writes:
I have a question about naming babies. If you name a baby after someone, do they take on that person’s traits?
In our situation, my husband’s grandmother recently passed away. She was an awesome women, was vital with regard to raising him and was wonderful with our other two children. This is why we would like to honor her. However, she had a little problem with holding grudges. She was not on speaking terms with any of her siblings at the time of her death and had only recently started talking to her oldest child after many years of no communication.
We are considering using her name for our 3rd child (due June 10th). We will for sure use it as a middle name and that part doesn’t worry me. But for some reason, using it as a first name makes me worry that our daughter will somehow take on her negative character traits.
So, what do you and your readers think? Will our daughter take on her traits if we use her name? Can we counter act it by using a middle name like Mercy or Grace?
It seems like this is a question that falls into the same category as “Does everyone born in the same range of dates have the same personality, which can be represented by a horoscope symbol?”: some people will say no, and some people will say yes, and many will have anecdotes supporting their position. But in my own opinion, if you are asking if a name has the magical property to carry traits from its previous owner and change a child’s personality and make it different than the personality the child would have had with a different name, I’d say no, I don’t believe it does.
(This is not to say that a child named, say, Phatty, won’t be altered by that experience. But here we are talking about the name as trait-carrier from its previous holder ((and not just ANY previous holder but the specific one the parents are thinking of when they choose the name)), traits that would presumably be carried even in a vacuum apart from the societal experience that can come with a particular name.)
Every person has some good traits and some bad ones, and so EVERY namesake name is associated with some good traits and some bad ones. We generally give namesake names to honor another person (even realizing that he or she, like everyone else, is flawed), and to call that person to mind when we think of the name, and maybe even as a way to highlight certain traits we HOPE the child will have (as we might when we name a child Faith, or Serenity, or Lincoln, or Darwin)—but the name is not itself a magic spell that needs to be counteracted with other name spells.
In this case, however, it sounds as if your idea could help smooth over any family feelings that might be called up by your use of the name. You could say with rueful affection, “We named her after grandma who meant so much to us—but we used the middle name Mercy, because grandma always struggled with that.” Not as a spell, but as a way to call to mind the trait of mercy, as you call to mind the grandmother you’d like to honor. On the other hand, deliberately using a middle name to counteract the first name may only serve to continually remind people of the grandmother’s bad traits, which otherwise might gradually be forgotten.
Great response, Swistle. I really agree, wholeheartedly.
I don’t believe that a name carries any magic that infects the next bearer with particular traits. However, what I CAN see happening is this: certain people have been so affected by the previous name bearer’s personality that they begin to treat the new name bearer like they did the old one, without being able to separate that they are/were two completely different people.
It can go either way, too- it doesn’t matter if you have a sweet, kind namesake or an extremely off-putting one; until your child grows into her name, the family is going to see your grandmother when they hear that name. If your grandmother had such an ill effect on the other family members that you are afraid they will be prejudiced toward your daughter, I’d consider going a different route with the name. However, if you believe that your family members are better people than that (and truly, most are), then I’d use that name with honour.
Just make sure that you and the rest of your family aren’t “on the lookout” for grudge-holding behaviour from your daughter, because there’s no quicker way to label and shape a person a certain way than to consistently point out their (perceived) faults.
Negative traits will not come by her name but from her genes. There are 2 generations between them so probably not any. Only physical similarlities.
I think the generation separation will help greatly to soften any negative connotations with the name.
I don’t think it’s true in any fatalistic sense but if her grudges were enough to cause lasting hard feelings among living relatives, you might not want to use the name, just to avoid stirring up bad feelings.
Mercy or Grace might be good first names to use.
What an interesting question!
I am imagining six years from now when your daughter asks about her name.
If you replied, “You were named after Grandma Doris. She was the strongest, most nurturing dear.”
And when your daughter then asks about her middle name…
What will you say? “Well, Grandma Doris also was merciless and stubborn, so we gave you the middle name of ‘Grace’ to balance that out.”
OUCH!
What if you used (for a middle name) the name of someone who WAS compassionate and forgiving? “Well, your middle name comes from Great Aunt Melinda because she had the biggest heart, the most loving smile, and a pile of love to pass around.”
Just a thought.
You could also give her the middle name of ‘June’ because she’ll be born that month… :)
All the best to you and your growing family!!
I wonder if you’re concerned that those with whom she was not on speaking terms will find the name negative? If that’s the case, I think you should go with your heart. If anyone is upset, explain that while she had been one to hold a grudge, she was also a very positive influence and took great care of her family, and for those reasons you are honoring her.
I don’t believe personality traits are genetically passed between family members, nor are they imposed on a person by their name. Traits such as stubbornness may be absorbed by a young child through observation of it within the family and growing to accept this behavior as the norm. As the namesake in this case is deceased there is no opportunity for this to happen from observation of grandma.
However, it seems that you yourself will be on the look out for those negative qualities as she grows and may be inclined to say “she gets that from grandma”. If this were to be repeated over time the namesake association would become a negative one, rather than the positive it is for your husband now.
So,if you are uncomfortable with the connotations of the name in your own mind my recommendation is to keep it in the middle name slot and come up with something else for a first name.