Lara writes:

Our last name is Hanl0n (only with an o and not a zero, obviously!). I am Lara and hubby is Chris. I am due at the beginning of July with a baby girl. I am at a total and complete loss. Girl names are IMPOSSIBLE! I have dozens of boy names I’d be happy with, but nothing on the girl side is screaming out to me, “I’m your daughter!”. Also, many names I love end in an -in sound, which I feel is way too matchy with our first name (i.e. Emmaline or Rowan). I like names that are less popular, but recognizable. Definitely feminine. Many of the names on my list have a European sound/origin. Unusual but not made-up (for the most part).

I have always loved my name and loved always being the only one with that name. Sure, I get called “Laura” a lot, but it’s never really bothered me. Chris obviously has always been one of a million Chrises (just on my side of the family, my sister is marrying a Chris and I have a cousin Chris on each side). I am more drawn to names on the “Lara” side of the popularity scale than the “Chris” side. Chris just doesn’t want anything weird (insert eye roll, since he seems to think anything not in the top 10 is weird). His only two suggestions have been jokes: Riley (our dog’s name) and Laura (because it’d be funny to respond to people calling me Laura with “That’s my daughter!”…yeah, not even a little funny).

Right now the front runner is Carys. I feel like it’s on par with my name in terms of popularity and elegance (and again, I love my name!). I am a *bit* worried because I’ve seen it popping up more and more often, but I don’t think it’s going to be the next Jennifer of 1980. The other thing that worries me about that name are that Chris and Carys are very similar, and that we had a baby who passed away after being born prematurely in April named Caleb. Are Chris, Carys, and Caleb too many C’s? We very rarely use Caleb’s name (though obviously we love and miss him) and don’t sign it on Xmas cards or anything. But it could be something to consider?? I also hesitate because of the “Y” trend that is so prevalent in names right now, but Carys is the legit spelling so not letting that bother me too much. I love the meaning of the name. My family loves it. Chris likes it and is totally okay with it. But it doesn’t feel like OUR baby. However, NO name has sounded like that, and I’ve completely devoured every baby name book and site (including the bible: Baby Name Wizard). I don’t know if that’s because I haven’t discovered the right name yet or because I won’t know until I meet her. Also, I’m always hesitant to tell people that’s the front-runner. I don’t know if that is just because I don’t want to hear negative feedback on an unusual name (although when I have shared it’s been positive) or again, if it’s because it’s not right.

So right now my list stands as follows (unless otherwise noted, middle name would likely be Josephine or Marie after family):
Adelle
Anna Kate (going by both names)
Annelie (AH-na-lee)
Anneliese (AH-ne-leese)
Annika
Audrey Elise
Carys
Some form of Eliza/Elise/Elisa
Ellery
Everly
Marley (I know, totally out of style with the others)
Milla (MEE-lah)

Names that were on the list but were vetoed and the reason:
Adair (couldn’t get behind the flow with LN)
Adelaide (” “)
Ainsley (” “)
Alexa (too trendy/”now”/stripper-ish, apparently)
Ava (popular)
Avelyn (flow)
Briony (love, but no one else did)
Caoimhe (love, but no one else did)
Charlotte (too popular)
Clara (not sure why off, but doesn’t feel right)
Elodie (flow)
Emma (popular)
Evangeline (flow)
Kira (flow)
Liliana (flow)
Marisol (flow)
Tessa (flow)

None of the first names have any family meaning or significance. My guilty pleasure names are names I’d never have the balls to use but love nonetheless are word/noun names: Story, Lyric, Fable, Scout, River.

I think I just need an outsider’s perspective. Help????????? Please??????? Otherwise I may end up selling naming rights and she’ll end up Sonic Drivethru Hanl0n.

I have been thinking and thinking about Chris/Carys. Sometimes I think it won’t work; more often I think it will. One thing I’ve tried is changing one of the names a little and seeing how that affects the way I think of it: for example, if it was Chris and Caren, there’d be no problem; if it was Chris and Chrissy I wouldn’t like it; if it was Chris and Maris, it would be fine; if he went by Christopher it wouldn’t be a problem; and so on, making small changes in both directions to try to find where the line is between “works” and “doesn’t work.” It also helps to think of it as the sort of thing a family might do on purpose, to name the daughter in honor of the father.

I THINK that if someone called on the phone and asked for Chris/Carys, it would be clear who they were asking for—and that if it wasn’t, the person on the receiving end would say, “Did you say Chris, or Carys?” and it would be as simple as that. I THINK that the two names, while similar enough to elicit the occasional remark about it, are different enough for the response to be a shrug and “Yeah, we thought of that, but we didn’t think it was a big deal.”

I don’t think it’s similar enough to Caleb to be an issue, unless you think you might feel trapped into using only C names from then on.

I know what you mean about the Y trend, and I think your conclusion is correct: it doesn’t look Y-spelled if it’s SUPPOSED to be spelled with a Y (see also: Emily, Kyle, Ryan, Dylan, Evelyn, Riley).

And I think a hesitation about sharing the name is if anything a GOOD sign: with names you’re half-hearted about, you might not care so much if people have negative reactions; with a name that’s a real possibility, you’re going to feel more protective of it and more nervous that someone will make a cutting remark.

But I think you also have a lot of other really good options on your list, and also on the veto list. It may be that you will need to bring a list to the hospital, or that you will need to let all the names simmer for a bit and see which rise to the top.

Another exercise that can give good results is looking at each name and thinking about other names that are similar, or ways the name could be modified. Do you only like Caoimhe spelled that way? would your social circle like it better if it were translated to the American English alphabet and spelled Kiva or Keva? I think it would be challenging to get people to pronounce Milla as MEE-la when so many are accustomed to the sound of Milly and Camilla, but you might like Leila or Mira or Keela or Delia or Pilar or Celia or Sela. Briony didn’t go over well, but would Briarley or Brinley?

Or have you played that game with The Baby Name Wizard where you look up a name you like, then choose which of the five sister names you like best and look up THAT name and choose which of ITS five sister names you like best, and so on? I’ve found that useful for refining my style—figuring out which names fall into a group of names that would yield sibling names later on, and which names are outliers that would cause sibling-name problems later on if I chose any of them. The names on your list fall in a wide style range (Adelle to Everly, Anna Kate to Adair, Caoimhe to Charlotte), and if you plan to have more children later, this may help smooth the way for later naming.