Corinne writes:

Hello! I need some help with naming my first born. Our last name is Smith (so boring!) and my due date is June 15th. We are waiting to know the gender until birth, and have decided on Lila Grace for a girl. If it’s a boy, I fell in love with Jackson Noah (Noah is my husband’s name so we’re set on that as a middle name). However, my mother says she will be very upset if I name her grandson Jackson, because the nickname Jack was her father’s nickname and there is bad blood between him and the rest of the family. I never planned on using Jack as a nickname for Jackson, but to avoid upsetting family members I’m trying to come up with something I love just as much! Grayson was actually my first choice, but for some reason I’m not as enthused with it anymore :( I like names that end in -son, but I also considered Oliver, Owen and Weston before deciding on Jackson. I’ve studied many lists of names…ones that I love that are off limits because of friends or family members children are Mason, Carter, and Jamison. If you think there’s something I’ve overlooked that sounds like a perfect choice, please help!!

What an unpleasant situation for you to be in. I feel a little mad at your mom for bringing this up. On one hand I see why it bothers her and I guess it’s good for her to say something in case you were between names and didn’t really care which one, but on the other hand this could also be seen as a way of erasing the unpleasant connection between the guiltless NAME and the bad blood. It would be one thing if you were naming the baby after your grandpa, or if the full version of the name were the same as his—but for a POTENTIAL nickname to be the same as HIS nickname, and for THAT to be the Big Upsetting Issue?

Well. Enough of my crabbiness, we must work with what we have. We DON’T want to upset family members, it’s true. I’d say there are two possible choices here:

1. You go with the name you love, and you make a big deal about how OF COURSE it has NOTHING to do with your grandfather’s name! Heavens, it never even crossed your mind! It’s a completely different name! Dear, dear, no! Goodness! And you tell your mom frankly that the name has no connection for you to her father, and that it’s the name you love best and you’re going to use it, and that you dearly hope that with time the connection to her beloved grandson JACKSON-NOT-JACK will overwrite the connection she might feel to her father’s nickname.

2. You find a different name, in order to keep the peace. And because of my earlier and extensive crabbiness it will seem as if I support the other option and not this one, and yet I myself would almost certainly go with this option. Sigh. I don’t like to rock the boat, and I can’t pull off the “Oh dear me NO!” thing.

So with the understanding that you might end up going with option #1, let’s see if we can find you some names that make option #2 more appealing.

I do very much like the name Greyson, especially with your surname. Greyson Smith, so distinguished! And yet not so distinguished that it wouldn’t also be adorable on a little boy. And I love the nickname Grey. And it’s great with Lila, if you later have a daughter.

Or, would it soothe your mother at all if you named your son Jaxon? The more likely nickname then, if he had a nickname at all, would be Jax, not Jack. Do you know, that might actually fix it. Jaxon Noah Smith, nickname Jax.

If not, then maybe Jasper? Jasper Noah Smith is wonderful.

Or Judson: similar to Jackson, but no Jack! Judson Noah Smith.

Perhaps this is getting too far afield, but I do love the name Lincoln and it works so well with your surname. Lincoln Noah Smith. I really like that.

Keegan, maybe. Very nice with Lila. Keegan Noah Smith.

Griffin is another one I especially like with Lila. Griffin Noah Smith.

And maybe after all this the baby will be a girl!