Kristina writes:

Hello. I am due 8/20/08 and we still just can’t find that “perfect” name. For some reason I just can’t decide on what to name our son. We seem to go back and forth with names. We really like the name Simon, for some reason it just stood out to me. It isn’t a trendy name, and it isn’t popular…it just seems classic. We aren’t looking for a trendy name, or one that is really popular now. I teach, so coming by names that I haven’t already dismissed is getting pretty hard. My husband also likes the name Gabriel, and Matthew. Two very classic names as well. The other name we have thought of is Quinlan. It is a name that I’ve never heard before, but I really like the sound of. (I seem to go for names with more than one syllable in them.) So, this is what we have so far, and we just can’t decide!!

A. Simon Gabriel Baitinger (It is pronounced Bite-ing-er)
B. Matthew Simon Baitinger
C. Quinlan Matthew Baitinger

Our 2.5 year old daughter is named Olivia Grace. I really think that Olivia and Simon go well together, and liked the idea of both names having a “G” middle name. We didn’t do a family name for Olivia, and decided not to do a family name for this one either. AAGGG!! I lie awake at night knowing that I am running out of time to get it together!! Even if I had 2 names that I really loved narrowed down, it would make going into the delivery room a little easier!! Please help us with some suggestions!!

I think you have some great names there, and even if time were not of the essence I would hesitate to confuse the issue by adding more options to consider. I know that when I’m expecting, I agitate about the name even after we’ve narrowed it down to the final choice: nothing seems quite perfect enough for me to feel settled in my mind about it. Then later, I can’t believe I ever waffled at all, when it is SO OBVIOUS that this is the perfect name.

Well. One technique I find useful when I’m wavering between a few choices is to pretend that the decision has been made. So, like, pretend the decision is final, and it’s going to be Simon. Do you feel disappointed about the loss of other names? Try it with each one. What if the decision were made, and it were Matthew? Quinlan?

Another technique Paul and I use is ranking: we each separately try to put the names in order by favorite, even if more than one name has to share a slot. So, for example, maybe for you Simon and Quinlan are tied for first place, and Matthew is your second-place choice; and your husband might find that he likes Simon and Matthew tied for first place, with Quinlan as his second-place choice. Then you’d know that Simon was first for both of you, so it would be the best choice for you together. Or, if your husband’s top choice was Matthew, and his second choice was Simon, and his third choice was Quinlan, you might be able to compromise on Simon Matthew or Matthew Simon.

My own first choice is Simon. I think it’s terrific with Olivia and with your surname. I think any of the other names sound great as a middle name with it: Simon Gabriel, Simon Matthew, Simon Quinlan. If it were up to me, I would use Simon Gabriel, and I would save the name Matthew Quinlan for a future boy.

Let’s take a vote on the three candidates you list above—the poll is over to the right [poll closed; see below].

[Poll results:
Simon Gabriel Baitinger: 116 votes, roughly 81%
Matthew Simon Baitinger: 17 votes, roughly 12%
Quinlan Matthew Baitinger: 11 votes, roughly 8%]