Henry has chosen a college! He’d narrowed it down to three top choices, and this month we went to Accepted Students Days for all three, and he has chosen one of them and we have made the registration deposit and ordered a t-shirt!
This decision puts me at five out of five for kids choosing the college that would have been my own secret top choice for them. The strength and certainty of my opinion has varied wildly (I was almost equally fine between William’s top two finalists, with just a SLIGHT preference for the one he chose; I thought Elizabeth should choose an art college at a university instead of an art school, but I was not at all sure I was right), but this time I had a STRONG opinion about the finalist I hoped he would NOT choose (his original frontrunner, and the most expensive BY FAR, and in my fairly strong opinion not a particularly good fit), and a medium-strength opinion about which of the other two I thought he should pick (but as with Elizabeth and art school, I was not at all sure I was right).
We had one eensy set-back in this process, which is that a few days ago, before he’d decided, he got an email from one of the three colleges saying thank you for letting us know you won’t be attending, we’ve withdrawn your application. THAT was adrenalizing! Especially when he immediately emailed them back to say there’d been a mistake, and didn’t get a response! Luckily that was not the college he ended up choosing (nothing to do with the upsetting email), but it WAS his close second choice (and mine), so I spent a day or two worried that (1) he would want to choose that college and (2) it would be impossible to fix the error.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth, who is finishing up her second year of an art/illustration major and it seems to be going very well, gave me the heads-up that she is going to want to have a big talk in the car on the way home to work through some options about changing majors and/or colleges. I’m mostly unstressed about this, just very interested to hear what she’s thinking of. Is this when she will say she wishes she’d gone to an art school instead of to a university, and it’s time to switch? Is it instead that she doesn’t think art is the right career for her? or that she wants to switch from illustration to studio art? Is it that she wants to walk through again the “I’d like to be majoring in something other than art but unfortunately there isn’t anything else I like or want to major in” feelings she had even in high school? We shall see!
We are also just a few weeks from finding out how Edward’s second year went, after a first year that ended in academic probation. First semester grades this year were not as decisive as I’d hoped: no F’s, but another D; an A in the class that had the F last year; another A, a B, a C. To my astonishment, the GPA-based scholarships DID stay in effect during the two semesters of probation—but surely at the end of the probation they will be reevaluated. It is possible Edward’s grades will be good enough to be off probation but not good enough to keep the scholarships, in which case the decision about what to do next will be fraught.
But la la la, sufficient unto the day is the trouble thereof, etc. Right now it’s all GOOD things: Henry chose the college I’d hoped he’d choose, and he’s excited about it, and the upsetting email turned out to be irrelevant. Elizabeth wants to have what will certainly be an interesting talk, perhaps leading to some interesting changes. Edward’s Schrodinger grades don’t have to be dealt with today, or for several weeks.
Elizabeth is a paragon of maturity, my goodness. With this move alone she shows she’s ready to make big decisions for herself.
Oh, I’m very happy for Henry! How wonderful! It will be so interesting to hear what Elizabeth is thinking as well.
Congratulations to Henry – it’s great that he had good options to chose from. I hope Edward pulls off good grades and keeps his scholarship. Thank you for posting about this; I was wondering how that all turned out. ( College stuff on my mind lately- daughter has good major but a string of external upheaval this year; son graduating but is there a job -so your son’s issue popped up in my head. At least I don’t have anyone applying to college this year…)
Mine a junior, we are at three colleges and what I call the goldilocks problem. College #1 is 100% perfect…except it’s too small. College #2 too big. College #3 is my undergrad alma matter in my original degree program, so I think it will be juuuuuuust right. In the meantime, we stress spiral.
I am so happy to hear about these developments, I had been especially wondering about Edward, so that’s really wonderful news. My oldest NT child is going to start her senior year in August, and we … have not done much in the way of college. She seems set on going to our big state school, which I think will be great, it’s far away but not super far away, it’s in our red state, which sucks, but it’s not as bad as the next red state over, which also offers in state tuition to us. Her sister is just one year younger, so we are going to do it all two years in a row and then have a break for a few years before my youngest starts. It’s so much money, and we have some employment insecurity right now so I’ve been thinking we will either keep our jobs and pay for college OR we will lose our jobs and maybe do better financial aid wise? I also worry that she should look at other schools, but if she only wants to look at one and she feels reasonably certain she will get in, should I force her to look at other schools? It feels like a lot and I admire the way you have gone about it! I’m watching and learning! :)
My Junior is also uninterested in looking at other options and I’ve mostly settled on allowing him to ‘drive his own bus”
Which doesn’t stop me from occasional SUGGESTINGS.
I genuinely laughed at “Schroedinger’s grades.” Lordy lord I know that feeling.
Thanks for the update. I’d been wondering about Henry’s decision process and how Edward’s second year went. (I had a friend who had A-B-C-D grades his first semester in college. I told him he was trying out all the grades. He did graduate, btw, but I don’t know if he had a scholarship he needed to keep or not.) I’m am also interested to hear what’s on Elizabeth’s mind.
Good luck to all three!
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Oops, I commented on the wrong post! I’m sorry. But I am also so happy for updates on the kids. How has Edward’s health been?
Health has been pretty good but not great. The doctor says a lot of kids stop being as diligent about their medications when they’re away at school, and we suspect this is part of it. They’re also beginning to talk about maybe a surgery—something they’ve braced us for since Edward was first diagnosed, saying that one of the goals of the medications is to put off the surgeries as long as possible, but that eventually most people with Crohn’s need surgeries. I am trying to be breezy about it.
College update posts are my favorite!
At the risk of some small self-promotion, I actually just published a piece all about students wanting to change majors and some helpful questions to ask in those conversations, in case it is relevant to your upcoming car conversation with Elizabeth, you can find it here: https://collegesanity.substack.com/p/major-confusion
Congrats on being five for five on getting your kids sorted where college is concerned!
I wish I could attain your level of chill for college parenting. My kid is finishing his first year 2100 miles from home and has mostly loved it after a rough start. But the random “I didn’t get the class I needed and I hate everything” and “there are too many people in my dorm room and I’m freaking out” calls in between the “I LOVE IT HERE and never want to leave” calls can be quite jarring. Bravo bravo bravo for being a supportive dolphin mom and not a pissypants tiger mom. I swing wildly between helicopter and neglect.
Hooray for Henry! And I too am curious about Elizabeth’s conversation topic! I love that she prepped you in advance.