Shortly after I wrote to you about my little knee setback, in which I fell on my surgical knee and needed seven stitches, three x-rays, and a tetanus shot, and found myself feeling discouraged, fragile, and old, I came down with a cold. For the first five days or so, it was the kind of cold that sounds bad but feels fine. Then it turned into the kind of cold where I went to Urgent Care because it was hard to swallow and seemed like my body was trying to cough up my esophagus, but unfortunately it is not strep or pneumonia or anything else that can be treated; instead it is just a virus, and I can try saltwater gargles, extra liquids, and plenty rest. Meanwhile at night I am thinking things like “I can see how people die of respiratory viruses,” followed by a little flutter of hope.
This, combined with the significant knee-recovery setback, combined with the absolutely execrable U.S. government and its daily doses of excrement, has led me into a bit of a Misery Era. I suggest we don’t talk about me any further than that, not even to the point of sympathetic comments in the comments section; you have already been so kind to me, and I continue to coast on the residuals. Instead, I would like to offer you a place to talk about the things making you miserable right now—few or many, small or medium or large. I think there is a time for gratitude journals and counting blessings and doing what we can with what we have, and there is a time for bonding through restorative complaining.
We moved for my husband’s job and it lead to me changing my job for the worse. :(
Oh nooooooooooooooo
The crushing pressures of our particular demographic – long-term marriage, late-teen or early adult children, and elderly parents – any one of these is enough to crush me. All 3 at the same time, plus a full-time job and all the BS that goes along with being a physical being in the current world? I am flattened. SQUASHED FLAT.
For the first time in my life, and against every fiber of my nature, I am consciously and deliberately letting go of control over things that are important to me. My new mantras are phrases like “It is what it is,” “They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do,” “I’ll jump off that bridge when I come to it.”
It is so unforgivable, too, that one of MANY reasons all of this is so difficult is that society has been set up to run off the free labor of women.
I have a child who has been diagnosed with rare and serious condition that impacts her life in all aspects. Getting drs to listen to me that something was wrong, getting any kind of referral, getting unnecessary tests, finally having a specialist confirm diagnosis but couldn’t help any further. Finally finding the right specialist after a year, but now she needs a sleep study which she can’t have until she sees sleep medicine, who never called me and I had to track down, and the earliest appointment is July…. just a litany of frustrations. No one is mean, but it seems every time I think I make progress for her care, I hit a detour or delay. If this is too grumpy for this post, please delete. It’s just very fresh right now that we have potential treatments and we have to keep waiting.
I’ll save my complaints about the high school being jerks over the ACT for my home schooler for another day!
I hope you find something to lift you out of this slough of despond!
That sounds so disheartening and I’m so sorry. It’s bad enough when it’s your own health at stake, but when it’s your child’s health? ughghghgh
This is just the right kind of grumpy. I feel like screaming every time I have to handle something medical: it feels as if it is SET UP to be a tangle. Every call results in more calls. And when doctors won’t listen!!
I am sending you so many good vibes. That seems so hard and frustrating.
I am not going to go into details but I totally had that “medical professionals not listening to me” for literal years. It is so frustrating! And then the scheduling not lining ip when you do have a plan!!!!!!!
I hope it gets easier. In the meantime, well done advocating for your child!!!!! It’s not easy.
This is the WORST healthcare is so broken
YES. I tried listening to “positive affirmations” this morning and it just made me feel WORSE about everything. My misery-inducing things include 20-something kids in relationships that aren’t good for them, aging parents I can’t seem to help in the right ways, peri/menopause (ALL OF IT), my fears that I will never be able to move on from this job I have hated for many years, nor retire from any job with the economic woes and next Great Depression coming… Sigh. So no, affirmations-guy, I am NOT “confident and attracting success,” I’m just not.
I find so many positive affirmations to be REALITY-DENYING, which is NOT HELPFUL. Or they remind me of when a wildly-successful celebrity says they “just had to believe” in themselves and/or in their dream—as if that same belief would have the same results for everyone.
My mom and I were always very close.
She has had health setbacks of varying degree. The doctor keeps saying that they are not progressing rapidly and all she hears is that some people with her condition are bed ridden in 10 years. Does that make her want to get out and do things or spend time with family? No. She is depressed, but does not want to see anyone because of the generation she is in (seeing someone is for the mentally ill is her attitude). She does not want to take antidepressants because she feels they are thinning her hair.
Nothing we do pleases her. Everything is an opportunity for her to point out ways things could be better. And she is mis-remembering things in ways that hurt my brother and I. (For instance, she has trouble getting moving in the morning. On Mother’s Day two years ago, my daughter was in a play and had to arrive at school on mother’s day at 11 am. So, I said I’d go out to breakfast with my husband and kids and come see her afterward (so she could get ready at her leisure but I still got to eat with my kids). The next mother’s day, she said “well, I know you don’t want to see me on mother’s day but hopefully you can see me some time that weekend” She didn’t remember the rearranging and trying to be kind, even when I remind her.
I am not living her situation. I know she has a lot going on. But I miss my mom. She’s still alive and lives in the same town but in many ways she’s already gone. And it makes me unspeakably sad.
Oh, this all sound so hard.
I feel like….ugh.
Is it menopause? An unsatisfying primary relationship? The economy at large? CLINICAL DEPRESSION?
Does my country and my state and my house and my job and my marriage suck or is the problem in my brain chemicals?
Who knows?
This is very much how I feel. With a little bit of “Maybe it’s allllllll of it!!!!”
Just today, I talked to the mother of a friend of my daughter. I haven’t known this person long, but she seemed okay. That family is quite well off. And yet, when we talked today she casually mentioned that if some kids in our children’s play group cannot participate in a fun event because it is too expensive for the parents, she would not under any circumstances donate even a single cent so that they could join. The parents were to blame if they were poor etc etc. Made me lose my faith in humanity…
So disheartening. I belong to an online parents’ group for Henry’s graduating class, and most of the time it’s great, but every so often someone will just COME OUT WITH something like that that makes my jaw drop.
GASP. what an unredeeming @sshole.
Are you KIDDING ME? I am raging right now. This is why we’re ruined.
I. Can’t, Even. As a mater of fact, not to toot my own horn, but I was the parent who always donated extra for EVERYTHING to ensure a child could do x, y, z like their classmates. I eventually worked directly with the administration to set up a way for anyone to donate in this way – and made it visible for everyone, not just those of us who were doing it behind the scenes. I’m hoping that just the visibility of it now urges some people to throw in some extra money if/when possible.
I see messages like yours and just absolutely lose my faith in humanity.
Ohhhhh *heart-eyes* but I see messages like YOURS (setting up a visible system for everyone to use!!) and regain some.
I am definitely right there with you in the misery slump the past month. Though I don’t think misery is a strong enough word, I am more like in the Depths of Despair and Dejection. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in September and had a mastectomy in November. I was very, very fortunate to not need chemo, and honestly things didn’t feel so bad. (I have experience in this area as a parent. My daughter had leukemia and needed over two years of treatment, and that was so much worse – she is doing generally well now). I did need radiation, which finished exactly one month ago, and I also need hormone therapy, which I started then.
Everyone said radiation wasn’t such a big deal, and it wasn’t when I was getting the radiation. But I was sore, and then about a week after it has finished I had this one area go dark purple and blister and the skin was peeling and oozy, and the pain was so bad, it felt like right after I had the surgery. I had trouble sleeping, and headaches, and thought this was from radiation (and the pain). This radiation burn area took about a week and a half to heal, but then another area flared up and did the exact same thing. It is nearly healed now, and the pain is much better, but now I have come to realize that the trouble sleeping and the headaches are more likely side effects of the hormone therapy.
And I have to be on it for five years. And it is also causing a bunch of other Women’s Problems, the worst of which is horrible pain during intimacy. I just can’t even. My oncologist is trying to help, and we have a few options and it might get better after the first few months, but I just feel so awful and not myself right now.
And last week I found out that the doctor’s visit I went on to get the ball rolling for breast reconstruction surgery that is a THREE AND A HALF hour drive each way, was rejected by my insurance even though I called 3 times before I drove all that way to be sure that it would be covered, so that is over $1,000 and the insurance seems to think that it will be straightened out eventually (though it varies so much depending on who I get when I call) but it will likely take 30-60 days. Or longer. Who knows?
Now I am freaking out about if I should reconsider having this surgery even though I really want it, because obviously the surgery will be many thousands of dollars, I don’t want there to be any chance that it won’t be covered. (The lesson is to get the preapproval in writing)
But none of that is even the worst of it. Two days after I finished radiation, our cat wouldn’t eat. I took her to the vet the next day, and after being there 4 hours and doing all sorts of tests, they determined it was either a ruptured intestine with massive infection, or advanced cancer, or possibly even both. And we had to have her put down because it was going to be very expensive to do more testing, not to mention cost of treatment, and they couldn’t give any sort of exact expected outcome, but we were looking at for the best case scenario a significantly less than 50% chance of the cat making it. We all loved that cat, but my daughter especially took it hard. (When she was stuck in the hospital for the first month when she was sick she used to watch videos of the cat to help her get through though/painful tests and treatments.) I still feel in shock about losing this cat like that. She was only 5 years old. We do still have her biological brother, and one other cat, who have both been absolutely snuggly and sweet and wonderful to each other and all of us humans in the family too these past 4 weeks since we lost her. It’s just been hard.
I just feel so stressed out. I hate that I can’t seem to sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch. But things are bound to get better soon.
Warmer weather and sunshine are somewhere in the future (26 degrees here today)
Easter is soon and I bought more Easter candy than necessary (dark Cadbury mini eggs are my favorite)
I am enjoying the book that I am reading (and have lots of extra time to read when I can’t sleep at night)
I haven’t derailed the weight loss I achieved in the year prior to being diagnosed (yet)
Life is full of ups and downs, things will get better
Too much! That is too much!
My deepest sympthathies about everything. I had breast cancer, surgery, chemo, and radiation, and radiation was the worst. Draining- and my skin burned, and overall devastated my energy levels and enthusiasm. ( and I gained 20 lbs!! 😞) Some people find radiation not so bad, but really it depends on your individual reaction.
So sad about the cat- so hard to lose a special pet, even when you know it’s the best thing to do.
I am sending you my love.
This is such an absolute tornado of pain and stress and sadness you’re going through.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Do you know, just thinking about what I would write has been helpful. I’ve had a rough time recently and it’s exhausting to keep putting on a brave face and being grateful for (the many!) wonderful things I do have. Realising it’s ok to complain, even to myself, has been therapeutic.
I think a lot of us grew up with the message that complaining is Not Okay, or that it makes things worse—and I can see what the teachers were going for, but I really do find it helps. Sometimes the venting is what helps; sometimes the not-pretending is what helps; sometimes hearing “Oh ME TOO!”is what helps—sometimes it’s all of it.
Honestly I feel like I shouldn’t even moan. I know on the scale of things my life is ok, etc etc. BUT.
I’ve been job hunting to try and get out of a toxic, bullying work environment (since September casually and since January frantically). I’ve applied for maybe 50 jobs, I’ve had various interviews and it’s just gruelling and exhausting and disheartening. I am either working and miserable or I am off work and applying or preparing for something, I feel like I can never relax. And when I’m in interview mode I have to let the applications slide, so then if I don’t get the role it feels like I’m back to crushing Square 1 in the crummy and unfairly weighted game of careers.
Also one of my kids has emotional issues with regulation etc that are probably not in the medical realm of ‘normal’ and her school have not been helpful (she’s fine there, the restraint collapse kicks in when she leaves…) and trying to be a calm. zen parent to an angry and disregulated kid when I feel disregulated and stressed myself is doubly hard.
Also, THE WORLD.
I have heard it is just TERRIBLE out there right now for job-seekers. And of course so much worse when you are desperate to get out of a bad situation!
It’s funny because I was considering writing a similar post today! I try to keep up a cheerful disposition, but I have an upcoming eye checkup (for ocular melanoma), and I’m just so tired of all the checkups. I’m so tired of thinking about it and worrying about it. It causes me so much anxiety, and I can’t sleep, and my tummy hurts, and I’m just so tired.
I really love your title Restorative Complaining! I think it’s helpful!
Medical things can be SO stressful.
I am so tired and my husband does all the cooking, cleaning, shopping so I have no reason to be exhausted by my life and our three teenagers and my job but I am and I do and I just … want to take a break for a while, BY MYSELF, but I am just whining. But you said we could. And OH @kmaeby I’m so very sorry for where you are on your journey even though we are not commiserating …
Oh, wouldn’t that be lovely?? One of my friends says she daydreams about a weekend away by herself—and doesn’t that feel like such a reasonable thing to want, and to get?
Actual statement made by me to my spouse (who has a non-cancer, terminal disease) this morning: I am angry that you get to get off this “ride” and not have to go through this *waves hands* shit-show any more. And I am ANGRY that I will have to stay on the ride and deal with *gestures wildly* EVERYTHING all by myself!
So. Not my best morning.
Everything is just too much. *sigh*
EVERYTHING IS JUST TOO MUCH.
Federal employee so dealing with the mental terror of the administration overall and how it affects my livelihood. And I’m doing it 100% in the office for a job that is easier and more productive remotely (I don’t work with anyone in my office). I’m tired.
Aging parents. My dad has Parkinson’s and is doing fairly good. But it’s like looking into the barrel of a shotgun, it’ll only get worse. My mom is dealing with extreme anxiety, which she won’t treat. And her memory seems iffy.
The situation with federal employees just seems like a nightmare. And the forced-in-office is so ridiculous. And how, HOW, are we all going to deal with the aging parents??
Another fed here. We weren’t in the office 5 days a week in 2019, or even 2009, but now? No telework.
I’d started seeing a PT for my various Aging Woes, and I’d assumed I would just keep doing that because I could arrange appointments for my telework days (she’s a 5 minute walk from my house), but I don’t know what I’m going to do now.
My mother, who is 96 and in assisted living, speculated yesterday that her mother (who died in the 90s) was probably not doing well but at least he brothers (also dead) were OK. She is looking forward to moving back to independent living and driving again.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Right?!?! I teleworked 2 days per week prior to COVID and had since 2013. I was at home full time from COVID until April 2022, when we started coming back into the office 1 day per week. It would be one thing if being in the office was beneficial. But it is NOT. And even though I was very careful about working a full 8 hours per day, things like doctors appointments and haircuts now have to be scheduled differently. I had a dentist appointment last week and if I was working from home I’d take 45 minutes of sick leave, but I had to take 3 hours. Which is fine, but annoying. And, crazily enough, I’m having a terrible time figuring out my laundry. For 12 years I’d do my laundry when I was working at home. My office was in my basement and my laundry was in the basement. I’d bring down my laundry at the start of the day and I’d put in loads throughout the day. It would literally take 30 seconds. At the end of the day I’d fold and put away. Now, it’s too late to do it when I get home and I don’t really want to on the weekend.
My mom has Parkinson’s, too. And my dad deals with anxiety. Solidarity, sister. It’s hard. It’s all hard.
I mean, there are a lot of things, but I’m going to leave the big and the obvious to other people, and I will complain about the most frivolous thing in the world: my hair. I’ve been taking Nutrafol because my hair was falling out in 2022 and I had bald spots, BALD SPOTS SWISTLE. Anyway the Nutrafol works like a dream, but the flip side is that my hair now grows very fast and guess what happens when your hair grows really fast? VERY OBVIOUS GREY/ WHITE ROOTS EVERY TWO AND A HALF WEEKS. Right now I’m trying to stretch my hair colour – it will be four weeks on Friday – and it’s too much, it’s TOO MUCH. I have a giant stripe. I’m trying to stretch it to next week at which point I will just be ready to I DON’T KNOW WHAT. Anyway, I have houseguests for the last two weekends in April, am hosting an Easter dinner for ten and a birthday barbeque for like 30, and I want my hair colour to be fresh so I have to wait until next week, I have to. But in the meantime I am going NUTS. But! One cannot complain about regrowth of hair and also complain about roots, or can they? Is this like complaining when it is too hot and too cold? BOTH ARE HARDSHIPS*
* not really hardships, there are much worse things, but you said you wanted complaining and I am exercising my right to complain about something dumb
ABSOLUTELY EXERCISE THAT RIGHT. And also, I DO think it’s like complaining about too-hot and also about too-cold: both ARE unpleasant, in their OWN SEPARATE WAYS!
Nicole have we discussed the root sprays?? Specifically the L’Oreal one in the little aqua can? Because it is the only thing getting me from week 2 to week 4 these days!
(Sorry, I know we’re not meant to be problem solving here)
Kate, I have tried those! But my hair is red and the colour always looks wrong somehow, I have tried two different kinds and they both look really conspicuous on my particular colour. (also I appreciate the problem solving!)
Red is so difficult to match, but would unicorn hair help in the interim? You probably need to mix a couple together, say a little butterscotch and a little valentine?
https://limecrime.com/products/unicorn-hair-full-coverage
disclaimer: i have 3 jars of this stuff in my house but never used them, i think i bought them during covid and then forgot i bought them until just now
I am also in a misery era. Currently, looking for a job is disheartening. I had a job interview today and get the fee ling it’s mine if I want it. But I don’t. The money isn’t there considering my experience. But I could even live with that if there was one iota of flexibility in this position. There isn’t. So, it’s back to the drawing board for me. I honestly didn’t think I’d be still looking after 8 months.
Everyone I know who’s job-hunting says it’s nearly impossible out there right now.
I’m an elementary teacher and I have one of my toughest classes ever. Naughty boys, lots of disrespect, lots of talking. I spend most of my day trying to tell people to shut up. I have four kids from a behavior program in my room for part of the day. I had a kid BITE another kid last week- and he is 9. But, I can’t wish the days away because my only child is a Senior and heading off to college in the fall. Meaning I’ll be home alone with the cats. I wouldn’t want it to be different- him to stay home and not go to college…,but I’ll miss him so much. I’m trying to enjoy the Last Theater Performance, Last Theater Banquet, last few months of having a kid at home.
My mom was an elementary teacher and I remember well how much the classroom could vary from one year to the next! A rough year is…rough.
I feel a little like it is unfair for me to whine too given… everything, but I just started a job where the person I am taking over for left everything in such terrible disarray, everything coming apart at the seams, every document lost or misfiled, all of the money misspent or unreported. I love this organization and I am worried it is all going to fall apart because I couldn’t fix it fast enough and it will be my fault! Also I haven’t slept for stress in 2 weeks and there isn’t any rocky road ice cream.
If EVER a situation called for rocky road ice cream, it is THIS. I feel the need to spring into action and FIND/PROCURE/DELIVER some.
it is absolutely not your fault. it is the fault of the previous incompetent person. however, if you do pull it all together, that will 100% be due to you!
My husband has been sick all week culminating in nausea and vomiting this morning. It’s probably a stomach bug but the last time he threw up was when he had a stroke so there was a slight panic about whether to call an ambulance. Now I’m just worried about getting sick myself.
Hugs to everyone going through much worse and longer lasting problems.
Any situation where we’re HOPING it’s a stomach bug is not a great situation—and I do hope it’s a stomach bug, and that no one else gets it.
My job is ending because the Department that makes it possible has been deemed Unimportant and Unneccessary by some men I did not vote for in DC, and then what? I never really wanted to job search after 50 and to job search after 50 with everyone else looking in a collapsing economy – I guess I am.
My husband’s job which really makes up most of our income has put in a return to office which, despite him being remote pre-Covid, they decided he also has to do. But because it is our kids’ senior year in high school, I have to wait it out here with my teen while he travels back and forth every week and we will miss each other, pay more for rent in two cities and maybe get a second car for one year.
My Mom is in the last few weeks of her life from bone cancer in Canada and soon it will be my final trip there as a person with living parents. We could move to Canada and likely will [waiting for that graduation…] but it could also annexed, and no matter what would be starting completely over in every way as currently the USD that was our one hope of being able to start over a little bit okay there has been purposefully tanked. But at least there is that option….
The environment, the weather, the birds falling from the sky –
It could be worse, so much of it in part of life – death, change – but so much of it was completely AVOIDABLE and MADE UP and therefore so INFURIATING
Thanks for this
SO AVOIDABLE AND MADE-UP AND INFURIATING, NONE OF THIS NEEDED TO HAPPEN
My eldest is failing to launch. He graduated from college almost two years ago and so far he’s had a two-month, unpaid internship and a 4.5 month almost full-time job. He’s discouraged and anxious and not even looking any more. He’s looking for a therapist, which I hope helps, but he seems to be in a very stuck place. I can’t imagine watching his country slide toward a potential dictatorship is doing much for his mental health. He meets with a group that plays board games weekly, he will occasionally go to a protest with us or take a walk, and he pitches in with housework and yard work, but he mostly stays in his room.
Oh dear. My least-communicative child graduates next month and appears to have no plan, no plan to get a plan, no receptiveness to even the mildest suggestions . . . .
And I can’t talk to anyone about it because what I hear is, “Well, you just have to…” and I want to punch them. Except I don’t have the energy
Oh, Steph, we have this at our house too. I am so hand-wringy about WHAT WE CAN DO TO HELP.
I’m just pissed. I work for the state of MN, and we’ve been primarily remote since 2020. Our agencies put policies in that prioritized telework. However, our governor decided to order everyone back 50% of the time starting in June in order to please downtown businesses. Just my office is short 200 desks to make this possible. I don’t think it’s going to work out for the businesses, because everyone I know is planning to pay for parking and nothing else. I’ve already avoided spending money downtown and it hasn’t started yet.
I know Walz is good on cable news, but he seems to lack a spine when governing. He gave in to the whining of downtown landlords, and he avoided declaring emergencies after Covid, making things more complicated during disasters. Something I hope people keep in mind during primary season.
Also, I had brain surgery 18 months ago. I’m mostly fine, but my head is still tender and I’m worried this is as good as it gets. I want to put my hair up in a pony tail or bun during the summer, but it still hurts. And I can’t use a headset for work, so I don’t know how I’ll function in the office.
(Thanks for the vent session. I hope your knee and lungs continue to improve.)
A sore head sounds so much more distressing than a sore knee!! And I hate hate hate these performative pointless back-to-office decisions.
Last weekend my 10 year old went on a Girl Scout trip, and last night one of the moms told the group chat that her daughter has lice. I can’t tell if my daughter has it, I went and got the silicone smothering treatment and applied it (she hates having her hair messed with, so this was great), she shampooed and it didn’t all come out so now she looks even more greasy than usual. I’m washing her bedding and her sister’s. I French braided her hair. The good news is that on Saturday we’re leaving for a two week international trip, so that is plenty of time for any lice that might be in the house to DIE.
Oh no liiiiiiiiice. One of the worst miseries. I hope you have squelched/avoided it and will not need to see/hear/think any more about the little pests.
It’s ok! Headlice can only live in the hair, not be lurking in your house. Totally hear you on the treatment trauma though.
I had a major Mental Health issue last Sunday. Not like major major, but just major. It was scary and a first for me after a couple months (okay 3rd week in January…) of being mad and unhappy at everything here and there. Monday and Tuesday I spent “working on myself” balancing 8h of work with a number of MD appts. Wednesday I felt halfway not bad, but had some problems with my patients at work (bad stuff, I’m an Oncology RN). I was frazzled but strong by the time I got home and my spouse announced that because I was doing so well, he was leaving in the morning to go do his hobby six hours away in another state for 4 days. Couldn’t even manage to take the kid to the dentist at 8 AM because he was so excited to just go. He went two weeks ago as well. I’m sure that (counts on my fingers…) one day of half stability is all I really need to manage chronic mental and physical issues, the teen, the pets, work, and the house. I finally have a full day off with no obligations scheduled in June. Did I mention the tariff rollercoaster?!?!
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That a lot
I am sending you virtual hugs.
I am about to do a violence on your spouse.
I was hoping for a Swistle post and then I got a Swistle post!
I had a lump in my neck for literal years that I finally investigated in the fall. It was thyroid cancer, doesn’t seem to have spread. They only took 1/2 bc it was very localized and indeterminate before surgery. They’re going to try to take the other half. I have had an unnecessary gallbladder removal (didn’t fix the pain) and a traumatic jaundice experience with a newborn (numbers were falling before treatment). I would need daily medication if I went that route BUT the world as it stands does not feel set up for me to have ready, affordable access to daily medication.
Surgery was on Friday. The dog went to the vet on Tuesday because I GO ON ALL THE WALKS!!!! Dog wasn’t going on walks. He had masses in his liver and spleen and we put him down on Thursday. (He was 12. He had a good life. The last time I put a dog down was after traumatic jaundice experience, like a week or 2 after giving birth). He had a stroke) The boy child got braces in the middle there on Tuesday and has been GRUMPY since.
Girl child is getting 3rd molars extracted next week.
And then the ongoing, wtf stupid thing will happen next nonsense. Holy cow.
This is SO MUCH.
Oh. And I forgot.
Original dog would chase but not catch squirrels.
I thought squirrels were fast. Turns out they seem to have worked out a deal because that dog was SUPER FAST. Dog we just put down and pandemic dog had quite a run of catching and killing squirrels. They hadn’t done it in like 2 years. (I write a family newsletter and have since the pandemic. It had a counter.)
So. Put 2nd dog to sleep and we have third dog still. TWICE this week I have gone in the yard to find, not squirrels, but dead baby bunnies. We are pretty urban. There are a lot of rabbits around but idk why one would have a nest in our yard and I cant find it anyway. But BUNNIES. Not teeny tiny but not grown. Just strewn around. WTH dog? Is this how you’re grieving and where are you finding them?
I have a completely frivolous complaint, so commence with all the eye rolling.
Last fall, seduced by Instagram reels, I planted $$$ worth of bulbs in pots on my patio to create “bulb lasagna.” Have you seen that? You layer different kinds of bulbs that bloom early, later, and latest, and it is beautiful. I think I had about 100 bulbs in 5 pots. As of right now, I have 2 plants sprouting up. TWO. Out of all of that! What a complete waste of time.
I am so sorry for everything that everyone is dealing with. It is all too much.
I would find this SO DISAPPOINTING!! All winter you look forward to seeing the results of your time and money, and then!!
I agree with the observation that we have been conditioned not to complain, so I offer this reframing from troubadour and genius Christine Lavin: “I am not complaining, I’m just making observations.”
Wonderful, yes, we are simply SCIENTISTS, OBSERVING OUR ENVIRONMENTS.
The last 5 years in our house have been very difficult. I have dropped the ball on a few minor things and so my spouse has taken it upon himself to micromanage me. But this need to micromanage really seems to come from him dropping a couple of major balls. Things that I caught early enough that the drop didn’t cause too much harm to us.
I’ve been doing all the things for a couple of decades now. Where was this concern/attention to detail when the kids were toddlers?
But the thing that really grates is how he does it. It’s always “don’t you think that we should…” Or “We need to …” when he really means “You need to …” because we both know he’s not going to do whatever it was he just mentioned. This is always how he’s expressed his concern about stuff. I know where his communication style comes from and why he does it. And I know that right now, I (and we) are under extra stress so I am noticing it even more. But eventually I get snippy and his feelings get hurt and then I have to manage that as well.
I FEEL THIS!
If I drop a ball — no one catches it.
If anyone else drops a ball, guess who notices and fixes it? And if I mention it, then I have had to catch the ball, fix the thing, manage the feelings.
If I do not mention it, literally no one notices that I caught the ball. And thinks they are doing a great job.
Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh, this drives me nuts. I have started responding to “we” suggestions as if he’s asked if HE should do it; so like he says “Don’t you think we should…?” and I say “Oh, what a good idea, YES, that would be GREAT if you could do that!!” With earnest, fully open-faced enthusiasm.
I had three kids in three years. (My choice! But hard!) They are 3.5, two, and seven months old. I WFH 45-50 hours a week while keeping my seven month old home with me. (I kept the other two home with me for a year while also working.) I get about four hours of sleep per night. I’m fucking tired.
My husband’s Friday night golf league starts next week and lasts through mid-October. Imagine getting five hours to yourself every Friday for six months out of the year. LOL I literally can’t.
We’ve outgrown our 1100 sq. ft. home and get to house hunt and buy in this market and economy.
My mom has been hospitalized twice in the last three months with pneumonia. She lives in Amish Country in Ohio, where measles have been reported. I worry about her constantly.
My best friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and started chemo last week.
And of course the current political hellscape, including here in Ohio.
This is so, so much. And also it is probably impossible, but I will recommend a strategy my sister-in-law and brother used when their kids were little: if one of them had time off to themselves, the other one got the same amount of time. Where can a chunk of five hours once a week be found for you? Probably nowhere, because probably even the five hours your husband has “found” are nearly impossible, let alone finding another set of them! It would be like suggesting that your husband ALSO do his job with children keeping him company! But even bringing up the topic that way can help make it clearer that things are NOT FAIR AT ALL.