In a pleasing pairing, I found two unrelated lost things on the same day. The first and most important was a favorite and irreplaceable Old Navy zip-up hoodie, navy blue, with red/orange/yellow/lavender/white stripes at the elbows, lost for half a year or so. I noticed almost right away that it was gone, and could not fathom it not being in any of the places it could possibly be, and so I imagined I must have somehow left it behind in some coffee shop or whatnot, even though that is Not Like Me. When I was a child, my mother left her purse behind on SO MANY MEMORABLE OCCASIONS (multiple times on LONG ROAD TRIPS, necessitating LONG TURN-AROUNDS), I grew up to habitually/reflexively check where I was sitting before I leave a place. (My mother now habitually wears a fanny-pack…which she will still unclip and leave behind.) But the hoodie was nowhere, so I MUST have somehow left it somewhere. Fall turned to winter which turned to almost-spring, and I got out the light jacket I wear for about two weeks each spring and two weeks each fall—and the hoodie was inside it, completely concealed. The joy! I cannot express. I have worn it every day since, with tears in my eyes and stripes at my elbows.
The second thing, which I am deliberately putting second for the sake of levity, was a Sour Patch watermelon candy I dropped in the car when we were taking the twins back to college after spring break. It fell out of my fingers and vanished into, apparently, the ether. It was nowhere. It was completely unimportant, except that it made me feel as if I had lost my mind. Then, yesterday, finishing off a bag of snack-size Kit Kat bars, I found the Sour Patch watermelon candy in the bottom of the bag. Almost as exhilarating as finding the hoodie, in its own special way.
There was a work meeting, at which my fear was realized that we lowest-paid-no-benefits workers would be asked to divvy up the duties of our former well-paid-with-benefits supervisor who also had a title and a seat at the department-head table. I got to almost the end of the two-hour meeting without finding a moment to say my piece, and I was afraid I was going to whiff it for lack of opportunity. Then a co-worker absolutely teed me up, and I seized the moment and said my thing—and, encountering pushback from boss and boss’s boss, managed to RE-ASSERT my thing, WITHOUT CRYING. Afterward half a dozen coworkers separately approached me and thanked me for saying what I said. A triumph! even if it results in nothing! because at least I SAID IT, and my peers HEARD IT, and also I would be FAR MORE UPSET AND AGITATED if I had NOT said it! …Except, my brain and body are treating this as a disaster. The situation loops back into my mind every few minutes, each time with a little surge of “SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND WE NEED TO ENDLESSLY DISSECT IT!!!” adrenaline.
The U.S. news has been an absolute barrage of disaster and trauma. What are we to do. I have been wondering if our senators were up to the task of removing a dictator, and instead most of them are falling down at the first, easiest hurdles. There is some good news in rulings from federal judges—but the administration is so far ignoring those judges, so now we wait to see if the center can hold or if all is lost.
Swistle- I’m so delighted that you found the sweatshirt! And congrats on seizing the moment to say your peace. Its so perfect for this moment. I am inspired by AOC who advises to keep pestering our reps. It makes me feel better and like I’m doing something. So I keep doing it.
Congratulations for speaking up at work! I do know what you mean about endlessly analyzing the tense situation where you stuck your neck out. Hooray for the bravery.
Good for you for speaking up, Swistle!
Oh, the hoodie! I’m so glad you found it. Isn’t that the way; I am not a person who leaves things behind either, so when I lose something it feels disastrous (still haven’t found the bookmarks lost in the 2023 move).
Nicole I think of those bookmarks WEEKLY. I still have faith that they will be found.
I’m glad you spoke your piece. Now you know you did it and people heard, no matter what the outcome.
That last sentence… It seems entirely possible this is the end of American democracy. I’m going to protests and writing postcards and writing checks so I can know I did something, too, but I fear it may not be enough.
I read this once: She’d learned it’s better to say it and get it out, than choke on it. Which I’ve taken to heart, especially in my menopause years. I’m really enjoying speaking my mind these days.
And also: I TOO lost and then found a jacket in the EXACT SAME WAY! Solidarity, sister. The joy of finding it when it had been gone for so long. Incredible! : )
I am filing “better to say it and get it out than to choke on it” for future use. Excellent phrase
I have an Old Navy fleece that I’ve had since 1995; it is one of my favorite possessions and I would be bereft if it got lost. So glad you found yours! I hope that, like you found your beloved hoodie, our judges and congressional leaders find their lost spines and stop this ridiculousness and cruelty before it is forever too late.
The situation loops back into my mind every few minutes, each time with a little surge of “SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND WE NEED TO ENDLESSLY DISSECT IT!!!” adrenaline.
^ THIS
Our minds are very alike. Mine insists on showing me the zupruder film of whenever I do anything slightly out of my comfort zone because it is anticipating backlash and needs to PRIME THE ADRENALINE PUMP i’m guessing.
“managed to RE-ASSERT my thing, WITHOUT CRYING”
As someone whose voice quakes and quavers and eyes tear up pretty much anytime I feel any strong emotion, including RIGHTOUS INDIGNATION, I am super impressed by this! Nice job!! I also get the disaster replay in my head/body afterwards, but at least it’s not made even worse by the memory of crying in the meeting.
“tears in my eyes and stripes at my elbows” ha ha ha perfect! I’m so, so glad you found them.
Long, refreshing, sustained laugh over this:
“When I was a child, my mother left her purse behind on SO MANY MEMORABLE OCCASIONS (multiple times on LONG ROAD TRIPS, necessitating LONG TURN-AROUNDS), I grew up to habitually/reflexively check where I was sitting before I leave a place. (My mother now habitually wears a fanny-pack…which she will still unclip and leave behind.)”
I am that mother, and I testify to the absolute truth of what Swistle says! If anything, she understates out of kindness!
Of course now that I’m elderly, if I ever develop a neurocognitive issue, it will be so hard for my poor relatives to spot, since the question will always be, “Is this alarming symptom something NEW or NOT??”
We’re in this place w/r/t my mom and driving. She’s over 80 and is a terrible driver so discussions about whether it’s time to take her keys are happening. When we get into it though we can’t help but note that my mom has always been a terrible driver. 27 years ago she drove H and I home from an airport about an hour away and H and I spent the drive clinging to each other in fear that this was going to be our last day because my mom was so busy talking, looking back at us, gesturing at everything. Truly terrifying. She’s still a terrible driver but old enough that maybe she’s aged in to finally being old enough for us to take her keys?
Yay for finding lost things! I hate to lose things; I’m am currently searching for an item that I KNOW I left on my desk and yet it seems to have disappeared about a week ago. *sigh*
What’s going on in DC is an absolute disaster and those reps that are just sitting back and letting it happen need to be in jail for their inexcusable lack of doing anything to stop it.
Yay, I’m so happy you found and seized your moment to speak up! Not long ago you inspired me to call my government representatives for the first time and you’re now setting a great example of speaking up in person.
Re: Lost Stuff
We once found a missing (paper) gift certificate in the sleeve of a seldom worn spring jacket.
I like the stories of lost stuff and where it hid for so long.
I even read a book once, The Keeper of Lost Things, it was a good one.
So proud of you for speaking up.
And finding lost things feels so great.
WITHOUT CRYING! That is HUGE!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Why, oh why, do our emotions betray us in this way? When we’re speaking out in outrage and being strong, but our voices and tears undermine that message? I have lovely red neck blotches that appear in the same circumstances. I haven’t seen men having the same signs which makes me wonder if it’s biology or culture.
To me, the best thing was that you found the Sour Patch Kid in the bottom of the bag of Kit Kats! Sneaky little Sour Patch Kid!
Good for you for speaking up for yourself. I’m inspired!
I just don’t even know what to say about the rest.
I wish I had some great words of wisdom or hope…
I keep struggling to remind myself that the cortisol from the barrage of disaster and trauma is such a big part of why my brain and body are treating every moment of stress or conflict like a Full Existential Threat.
So glad that you were able to speak up in your meeting!
Oh I’m so glad you found the sweater and said the thing!
Ugh. I am agonizing over what can be done?
Is there anything we can do that will matter?
Help, fellow Swistle readers, with ideas please!
Way to speak up, Swistle! So challenging but worth it! Good luck!
This post makes me think of 2 things:
– When Elizabeth lost her backpack on a bus in Milwaukee. I felt so bad for that frazzled travel feeling when something big goes wrong. But now we know that you must have also been in the mode of ‘how did this happen to me! I am so careful because my mom is always leaving a handbag behind!’ Maybe Elizabeth got it from her grandmother?
– Congratulations on speaking up. Talking of lowest-paid-no-benefits, have you considered starting a Substack? It would be my pleasure and honor to subscribe to and pay for your Substack! I think others might feel the same. I get such joy from your writing, and that is worth a non-zero amount of money to me. And we could then have Swistle Group Chat for paid members. I am in Miranda July’s All Fours Group Chat and it is a JOY. Middle aged women FTW. Just a thought :)
Seconded! Would absolutely subscribe. I have an ad blocker so feel bad every time I read without clicking on the popup on the home page.
Oh! Do not feel bad! I too have an ad-blocker! In fact, embarrassingly, after installing my ads I emailed the ad company saying the ads weren’t working, and a customer service rep and I spent some time struggling with it before she said “…Wait. By any chance do you have an ad-blocker on?” OH oops.
Would also EAGERLY pay and subscribe for extra content (and I’m not a subscriber or payer!)!
I have a comb that used to be my grandmother’s. I wasn’t particularly close to this grandmother so I am not particularly sentimental about this comb other than the fact that it is probably eighty years old and they don’t make them like they used to. (It is a very sturdy comb.) I took it with me to a picture appointment when Elizabeth was a tiny baby in Lakeland, Florida to a Sears Essentials Picture Studio. I noticed that the very bottom tip of the comb was no longer there. How strange, I thought. I looked around and didn’t find it and moved on with my life. Four years later, I found a tiny piece of plastic next to my bed. My bed in Villa Rica, Georgia, where we had moved. It was in the middle of the floor, not near anything. I picked it up and thought “this looks like the tip of my comb.” I took it to the bathroom and matched it up and it was. How. How did it get from Florida to the middle of the floor in Georgia. I will never know but I am always going to wonder.
I still have this comb.
Swistle, kudos on speaking up! It wasn’t easy I’m sure but someone needed to say it, everyone involved needed to hear someone say it, and I hope it gives you a lot of satisfaction that the one to say it was you.
I too recently found a lost sweatshirt, one I had been missing for months with increasing despair. It was such a delight to find it! I am therefore acutely aware of the relief and pleasure you must have felt.
I also very much like your other definitions of “lost” things, even as they ended on a very solemn example indeed. What are we to do, Swistle?
I would also VERY happily pay for a Substack. I have been reading you since before Henry was BORN, I think.
I love that you spoke up and I love that you found things and i hate where our country is!