By the way, if you need a quick pretty small thing in the $15 range, I notice these Lucky Brand heart safety-pin earrings are $14 down from $20:
(image from Amazon.com)
I own these, and although recently I’ve been wearing the same surgical-steel piercing studs in my ears around the clock and never changing them, when I DID change earrings daily I wore these regularly and got lots of compliments on them. They were the equivalent of silver hoops, in that they went with almost everything, but more interesting and eye-catching.
••••••••
I have five pre-set stations on my shower radio, and I am toggling mostly between two of them: NPR, and a station that plays all Christmas music. If I can’t tolerate one, I switch to the other. If I can’t tolerate the second one, either, I usually switch the radio off: right now I don’t want to listen to pop or indie music.
I am Christmassing and Christmassing and there is still so much Christmassing to do. But I remember this stage from other years: you WORK and WORK and WORK and it seems like it will never be done—and then suddenly it’s done. So many presents to buy, and then no more presents to buy. Endless presents to wrap, and then no more presents to wrap. Endless cards to write, and then no more cards to write. So many items to deliver so many places, and then the pile is gone and there isn’t anything left to do but put on the Christmas jammies and eat pastry.
Shopping has to be done before wrapping, and some shopping/wrapping has to be done in plenty of time for shipping, and cards can wait until closer to the day, so I am focusing most of my energy on shopping. It is still helping me to concentrate on one person at a time (while remaining alert to the idea that a present for one person might also work as a present for another person).
I worked yesterday and am continuing to work today on Paul’s sister Beth, who has lived for nearly a decade with a boyfriend we have never met. Beth is a combination of stressful and completely-unstressful for me: I hardly know her at all, and so the pressure is off…and on. And also: she has far fewer people in her life to exchange gifts with, so I spend disproportionately more on her than on other family members.
You may wonder, and it would be fair: why doesn’t PAUL shop for his OWN SISTER? Well, there are two main reasons, no there are three: (1) Because he wouldn’t! He just wouldn’t! When his parents were alive he didn’t shop for them either!! I cannot comprehend it!! (2) Because I genuinely enjoy shopping. This is one of those chore categories where I would like to resent him in a theoretical way, without him actually changing and starting to do what he should. I miss shopping for his parents, and would be disappointed not to shop for his sister anymore. (3) Because he doesn’t know what to buy for her either. He is between three and four years older, so when he left for college she was a high school freshmen, and then their parents divorced and he stopped going home. And to place blame fairly, NEITHER sibling is communicative with the other. So the last time he knew her, she was 13 or 14, and now she’s in her late forties, and so he doesn’t know if she would want a Christmas puzzle or not, he can only say that he doesn’t remember her being particularly interested in puzzles when she was a child.
Beth and I have tried various ways to make gift-giving work better for us (we both LIKE sending an annual Christmas package to the other household, but we both admit defeat in terms of knowing what to buy, and in terms of being able to figure out a way to communicate useful information, considering Paul’s family has an apparently unshakeable aversion to wish lists), and last year we finally gave up and agreed on a We Send What We Feel Like Sending That Year and We Don’t Worry About It model. I like to send A Nice Assortment: something festive/decorative, something to eat, something to read, something cozy, something new we got this year and liked—I try to build the equivalent of a basket at a charity auction that pretty much anyone could be happy with parts of it if they won it, and/or find it easy to pass the unwanted elements on to others. Heated throw blanket! Fun/fancy cookies/candies in a special tin! A light, general interest book! Some nice tea or hot chocolate! Festive hand soap! The rechargeable flashlights I bought for Paul and he was unexpectedly excited about them! Etc.
This year I started by making basically a Festive Target Care Package: it needed to cost more than $35 to get the free shipping, and my goal was to put together something that would work if she deliberately opened it before Christmas, as she sometimes inexplicably does. I wanted things that were for the household in general, so that they could count as being gifts for her boyfriend too; I have given up trying to send something specifically for him (flannel shirt, wool socks, etc.). Here’s what I sent:
(image from Target.com)
Embroidered initial ornaments, one in her initial and one in her boyfriend’s initial.
(image from Target.com)
Marks & Spencer Light-Up Tea Tin. We sent them a different light-up Marks & Spencer tin last year. What I like about these is that if they WANT to, they can collect the pretty tins and gradually build a little set of decorative items; but if they DON’T want to, they can consume the treat inside and get rid of the tin. Or, the in-between option: they can display it for just this one year and then get rid of it.
(image from Target.com)
Christmas kitchen towels. Target has been doing artist-collaboration Christmas collections, and I like that. I have these in my own cart, too; I don’t really need more holiday kitchen towels, but if they go on sale or if my cart is $5 short of free shipping, well.
(image from Target.com)
Oreo Snowballs. What…ARE these? I like to buy This Year’s New Novelty Treats for the kids’ stockings, and I like to send some to Paul’s sister, too.
(image from Target.com)
White chocolate pretzels, festive edition. One of the only things I know about Paul’s sister is that she likes white chocolate, so I always include SOMETHING white chocolate.
(image from Target.com)
Reese’s Peanut Butter trees. One of the only things I know about Paul’s sister’s boyfriend is that he likes peanut butter, so I usually include SOMETHING peanut butter.
(image from Target.com)
Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints. I love these things; they’re only available at Christmas; and I needed like one more dollar to hit the thirty-five dollar threshold.
Now that that has been dispatched, I am looking at some other assorted gifts I could send.
(image from Amazon.com)
Lighted birch trees. Are you getting so, so tired of me recommending these everlasting birch trees?? Well, but listen: my parents, who now if I have understood correctly have purchased SIX MORE TREES to add to their original two (they have two trees IN THEIR BATHROOM), pointed out that the trees now come with a USB plug option. And perhaps the ONLY thing I don’t like about these trees is that I have to keep recharging and changing the batteries, which can also make them a little challenging to give as a gift if someone doesn’t have rechargeable batteries. BUT NOW THE TREES CAN PLUG IN. So for this year’s Secret Santa at work, I am buying my assigned person one tree, and I will include a USB wall charger block (the two-pack was a much better deal than the one-pack, so I will give them one and put one in our assorted-charging-devices drawer) and a nice long A to C cable (the two pack was a much better deal so etc.) so they can plug it in and put it even on a nice high piece of furniture, and not have to worry about batteries! I am thinking of sending Beth a two-pack of trees plus the two-pack charging blocks and the two-pack cables.
(image from Amazon.com)
Cat bunk beds. I have this on my own wish list this year. And Paul’s sister has two cats plus a cat-sized dog.
(image from Amazon.com)
Eurographics Christmas Doughnuts puzzle. I am personally a 300-500-piece puzzler if at all, and I don’t like difficult puzzles—but I have personally put together several 1000-piece Eurographics puzzles and really enjoyed them. They do a good job of making it so that you can scan for That Particular Shade of Green or That Particular Texture, and so some of the puzzles can be done even by a less-driven, more-recreational puzzler who likes to be able to go snap-snap-snap with the pieces and not get too frustrated. (Not ALL their puzzles are like this: I found their Holiday Cats puzzle WAY WAY WAY too challenging for me, to the point that I stopped trying, boxed it back up, and gave it away in a Buy Nothing group.) Where was I? Oh, yes: this Christmas doughnuts one reminds me of their OTHER donuts puzzle which I’ve done more than once and I love it, so I bought the Christmas one for our household this year and maybe I should buy it for Beth’s as well.
(image from Amazon.com)
Storey’s Curious Compendium of Practical and Obscure Skills. You may remember this from the post about what to buy my 13-year-old nephew. Beth and her boyfriend do not seem to be READERS-readers, but they do seem to like light, general-interest books.
(image from Amazon.com)
BomBombs hot chocolate sampler. Henry, whose list is skimpy this year, added “interesting hot chocolates” to his wish list, and I immediately emailed my OTHER sister-in-law, the one married to my brother, because, speaking tangentially once again of my nephew, my nephew each year puts “hot cocoa sampler set” on his list, so I knew my sister-in-law would have already looked into this. She said she’s getting him this set for the second year in a row, which is a good endorsement, and I chose the smaller set for Henry in part because I am unsure of his commitment to hot cocoa, and in part because the smaller set comes packaged in wee charming little disposable cups (which cannot be used to make the cocoa, they are just decorative), and in part because the smaller set comes with some more extreme novelty flavors such as bacon, and I think Henry would enjoy that. After I bought it, I re-added it to my cart so I could consider it for Beth.
••••••••
That’s what I’ve got so far, and nothing seems like quite the right assortment, but it’s getting to be Time To Decide: some things are still two- or three-day delivery but others already have delivery dates into the December 20s. Maybe the trees and the book and the hot chocolate—but I am really leaning toward the silly cat bunk beds, and also I don’t feel confident about the book. The bunk bed and the trees and the hot chocolate?
Do you have things you’re buying for people on your list, things that would work as more general gifts for people we don’t know very well?
I’m a nanny and I get the kids I’ve been with for years individual presents, but for the kids I used to nanny for and for the kids I only watch weekly, I love the universal yums holiday box. $29, ships for free, a pretty good variety of unusual snacks, and it comes with descriptions of the snacks and a scorecard.
I am unambiguously for not doing kin-keeping tasks for partners that you resent! I have COMPLETELY stopped managing my partners relationship with his father and therefore there is no relationship.
That said, OF COURSE you should not have to stop doing things to support your partner if you enjoy doing them!
We do not have to carry burdens we do not wish to, but we also don’t have to label things burdens for theoretical reasons!
My friend and I went to an artisan/craft fair last week, and there was a whole section of foods and consumables that I think would make great gifts for this sort of situation. (Local honey! Scented candles and soaps! Fancy salad dressings! Many interesting varieties of cheese!) If I’m buying a gift for someone who doesn’t live near me (which currently includes my whole family), I like to choose something that says “local” on the label.
This doesn’t really count as a suggestion because I think I got the idea from your blog, but I’ve had much success with giving the Magic Puzzle Company puzzles as gifts. People are always intrigued when they read the description on the box.
My other go-to is anything from Fred and Friends. They do fun/novelty versions of regular household objects (tea infuser shaped like a narwhal, measuring cups shaped like mushrooms, that sort of thing). They’re fun to choose, fun to open, and easily regiftable if the recipient prefers their normal boring household products.
WOW, how had I never come across Fred and Friends before?! I love this! Thank you!!
Aren’t they fun? They’re my go-to when I need a gift for someone and nothing else seems good.
If I’m doing a work white elephant and thus don’t want a prank gift, I try to think of a useful tool that I don’t think I’d need until suddenly it feels imperative to have. Cherry pitters fall in this category. I rarely eat fresh cherries, but when I do, it’s suddenly dire that I have my cherry pitter tool ready so I don’t have to try to bite into part of the cherry and end up with juice running down my chin.
Oh! Oh! For interesting hot chocolate, try brewing chocolate or drinking chocolate! They are much more expensive but also very delicious. I buy a couple bags for myself of Crio Bru every year and make it in a French press. https://criobru.com/collections/all2
I prefer darker roasts but each roast needs different brewing temps/times and (similar to coffee) it’s a very fun Thing To Dive Into Or just Enjoy a Little Bit.
I was also introduced to Cru drinking chocolate at the Oregon Chocolate Festival a few years back and it’s SO good.
https://www.cruchocolate.com/shop-online
Here‘s my list: lottery scratch tickets, honey, fancy spices, popcorn with unusual flavours, fancy chocolate, pretty candles, body lotion or hand cream, folding yard sticks personalised with the name of the recipient, novelty calendars, stickers (for kids and teens).
What an absolutely delightful array of gifts you send to Beth! I understand COMPLETELY as I also buy gifts for my SIL and MIL and no, it just would not happen without me. It wouldn’t happen! They would receive no gifts! And literally no one else but our family buys those two gifts and so they would have NOTHING under the tree (“tree”, they don’t have trees) and I just could not stand for that. Yes, I agree our husbands SHOULD buy gifts for their own family, they should. But that’s not the reality here. It’s just not! And so I dither over pajamas, what size, should I buy a hoodie, what colour, etcetera. I’m with you on 1) and 3), but I’m not someone who truly enjoys shopping all that much so it does feel like I’m kind of put-upon.
Sorry for hijacking this comment about your lovely gift idea post with ALL MY FEELINGS.
It is not at all hijacking, it is COMMISERATING! and SHARING!
Hoo boy, let me share something I want commiseration on, in that case! My husband took the carton of milk out of the fridge and swore about the fact that the carton was leaking a tiny bit. I then watched as he put some of the milk in his coffee AND PUT THE LEAKING CARTON BACK IN THE SMALL PUDDLE OF MILK IN THE FRIDGE!!! And then he sipped his coffee and just watched as I took it out, wiped up the puddle and put the carton into a plastic bag sleeve to catch future drips. AAAGUHHH!
Sigh. You know, I just… Do you ever… Like, WHY. WHY.
Clearly, the much-vaunted male problem-solving, logic-wielding intellect at work, right there.
(AUUUGH!!!)
Oh, man. My MIL has a husband and two sons. Not one of them bought for her when I married in to the family. The rest of her family is overseas and exchanging gifts is unrealistic. She bought a gift for each of us, and the only gift she received was from me. Except, she didn’t like it and has no poker face. For several years I tried and failed. I finally said “you need to shop for your Mom. She should get a gift at Christmas, and I clearly can’t do it.” He took over shopping for her, and he’s *so* much better at it. (He shops for all of them, actually, but I had stopped shopping for the men who clearly didn’t care about presents.) I think he’s actually started to enjoy it, but I know for sure I’m much happier with my Christmas shopping list now
One more thing: Some people really don’t need anything or have dietary restrictions that make gifting food items difficult, so what I did in the past was give a gift certificate from Oxfam unwrapped. You basically buy a goat or a cow for people in developing countries and get a card that you can give someone as a present. Similar like a donation to planned parenthood or something similar. But I really liked that a goat or a cow or whatever is so tangible. Plus the cards are fun! I’m pretty sure there are other organisations offering something similar.
My sweet mother in law falls into the she doesn’t NEED anything. So for every occasion, I send her a box of things I know she will love and use. Nail polish, puzzles, special candy, special coffee, hook earrings and I dare not forget her Jelly Bellies. She loves it and is always delighted that I take the time to wrap each and every gift
I have nothing helpful to add but I feel like you will understand how PANICKY I AM that even Amazon is saying many things are coming late next week now and I have yet to buy ANYTHING for my sister-in-law (also my husband’s sister). He has no ideas either. His family is NOT opposed to wish lists and usually we get Very Specific wish lists but this year: NOTHING. At all! And I looked back at previous birthdays and Christmas wish lists and they have NOTHING EITHER. She doesn’t appreciate food gifts, she doesn’t drink alcohol, she doesn’t read; I don’t know her that well but I don’t even think she would appreciate the light-up trees. She does have cats — maybe she needs the cat bunk bed??? It is getting so that I need to buy something NOW so I can wrap it and mail it to arrive on time. Panic! Panic! Speaking of panic: I still need a gift for my mother-in-law. BUT WHAT OMG. She does like puzzles, but I just got her a puzzle for her recent-ish birthday so it feels like I need to wait a bit before I return to that particular well. I realize I should stop panicking all over your blog and perhaps go write on my own or maybe BUY A PRESENT, ANY PRESENT.
I vote for a cat gift. The bunk beds or something else silly and fun. People with pets generally enjoy things for their pets. I am not a “my dogs are my kids” person. My kids are my kids, and as controversial as this can be my dogs are beloved but definitely not my kids. BUT – I would think it fun to receive something for my dogs. I also enjoy a good dog related article of clothing. When you have three dogs, people tend to gift you socks with dogs on them.
Socks! For your mother in law, check out the socks at worldssoftest.com I bought myself a pair in a boutique on vacation and loved them so much I hunted down their online presence. I just bought a pair for everyone’s stocking, including my own. I know, socks and underwear jokes… These are a luxury item and absolutely gifting level.
I vote for the cat bunks, too. It feels to me like just the right fun semi-ridiculous gift for someone who doesn’t have a wish list. It’s a REAL GIFT! But it’s got that whimsy, and she’ll never see it coming!
You just reminded me that I already bought socks for my family! I’d totally forgotten!
I say the cat bunk beds, the trees and the hot chocolate! The cats will love it. Plus watching the cats and dog interacting with it and each other will be endlessly entertaining.
The trees could be used in so many places or would be a cool regift—- though I can’t imagine someone not wanting them.
Interesting hot chocolate is always fun. I was just checking out the hot chocolate aisle in my loocsl supermarket and was disappointed with the lack of variety.
I got my hard-to-buy-for people the Polygon measuring spoons this year. I got suckered in by an online ad. They are the ones that are flat, and then fold up into different measurements.
I also still have kids that are in school and doing fundraisers, so I order coffee and snack gift sets from the kids’ fundraisers and send to my coworkers that are not local.
I’m intrigued by the level of gift giving! In the UK, we tend to give big gifts to children at Christmas (from Father Christmas & family/friends). Adults present on Christmas morning get a few little things to unwrap e.g. books, socks etc. but not lots. But adults not present on the day…don’t really get anything! Is it different in the US?
It’s different in Canada, at least in my family! While there may be a mutual agreement to not swap gifts at certain levels (I don’t swap gifts with siblings or step-siblings or siblings in-law of my own generation, for example), I get my mom a big gift and vice-versa, and exchange gifts with my husband.
It definitely depends on the family/friends group, but I do think adult gift giving for Christmas in America is more of a thing than the UK overall for sure!
Cat bunk beds, cocoa, trees. Absolutely
Not helpful for people who are needing to pick out personal/personalized gifts, BUT – I struggle every year with what to gift my employees. None of us are co-located so I rarely see them in person, so don’t know if they all drink, would appreciate wine, if they have specific food allergies, etc and I never want to guess at sizes for anything wearable. BUT! This year I sent each of them a big snack box from Universal Yums – the variety of snacks ensures (I HOPE) that there is something interesting/consumable for everyone, and they’re all weird/interesting/things you can’t typically get in the US, so I hope the “ooh interesting/weird!” factor might outweigh the “wtf I can’t/don’t want to eat this” factor…
I would be delighted to get that from my boss! What a great idea!
I work for a level of government so there isn’t a tradition of getting employees gifts. That being said, I am a manager and took everyone on my team out for snacks Monday afternoon this week and gave them each a mini box of chocolates. For National Public Service Week we often go mini-golfing and I typically take people out for ice cream.
My husband owns a small business and gives his employees a gift box and gift card at Christmas.
My husband loves those Christmas popper/cracker/whatever-you-call-em things, but I don’t love the cheap plastic toys that come in them… but this year I found a version that contains individual servings of hot chocolate! So I immediately bought enough for our extended family gathering between Christmas and New Year’s!
I thought at first that those Snowballs were an ice cream treat and thought “uh oh, that’s not going to ship well”, but then I clicked through and whew, not the case!
Oh I love the hot coco mixes. I could see them sipping on weird flavors of that watching the cats in the cat bunk bed!
I don’t know why – something about the line where you said Paul left for college and never went home again – made me wonder how you met Paul? Is that a blog post?
My grab bags this year got: scarf (more expensive than I’d usually spend from Bloomingdale’s so I hope they find it really nice), pretty lined journal, $15 Starbucks card. The other: grey hoodie, mini Bruce Lee NASCAR micromachine, PetSmart gift card.
Unfortunately I don’t think those ideas will help others.
We met in college! Freshman year orientation! I knew him at the time his parents divorced (and I remember him telling our friend group), but we didn’t date until years later.
OK, we are just sliding right by the live-in boyfriend for a decade that you haven’t met! I am FASCINATED.
RIGHT?
My questions:
1) Does SIL make it out to you to visit ever?
2) I know you visit your other SIL- do you visit this one too?
3) Do Paul and his sister communicate regularly (like if her number came up on caller ID would you think ‘oh good, a catch up !’ or ‘something is terribly wrong if she’s calling’? (I am an adult, 6 years older than a single brother that lives 25 min away and we talk probably 5-6 days a week either by phone or text. We did not get along in childhood (What 12 year old wants to hang with a 6 year old, 14 with 8, etc?) but are very close now. I am fascinated by sibling relationships.)
1. She came along a couple of times when their mother was alive and was visiting us. (She lived with their mom until their mom died, and still lives in that same house.)
2. Never! Or rather, Paul went there when their mother died. I’ll gladly handle Christmas gifts, but I let those two figure out for themselves how often they want to visit in person, and arrange it if they want to, and so far this has led to never.
3. Never! She has called us one time total, and it was when their mom died. They emailed back and forth a few times about each of their parents’ estates. If we heard from her, I would assume something terrible had happened—although, now that their parents have both died, there are so few terrible things she could be calling to tell us, I might also think something wonderful had happened, like that she’d won the lottery!
Thanks for answering what I was hoping were not too nosey of questions.
ONE phone call? Wow. I think Paul is very lucky to have you to maintain this relationship with your generous and thoughtful gifts. (My own husband Paul did not appreciate my efforts with his dad so I no longer purchase him gifts and he does not purchase gifts for my husband. They seem satisfied. FIL takes our kids shopping in person when we get to his state. We drive 8 hours every other year for Christmas with our three kids and our presents for those kids and presents for cousins’ small kids with whom I have maintained a relationship. It is weird to me to not bring gifts for FIL but I am trying hard to let husband maintain that in a way he sees fit.
We live far away from each other, and the siblings do NOTHING to arrange visiting in person. (And THAT I won’t take care of!)
I am the same way. ” Here are the kids’ break schedules. Let me know if I need to take time off work.”
(Husband was from a nuclear family of 4 – Mom and brother are gone. Only dad is left.)