My library does passport processing, and we had someone there the other day getting a passport, and I wanted so badly to ask her what perfume she was wearing because it was delightful and I would want to buy a bottle (or at least try a sample). But I could not think of one single good way to ask—PARTICULARLY since I was not the one waiting on her, which adds a layer of awkwardness, but also because the whole thing seems so fraught: someone’s scent feels personal and it feels odd/personal to comment on it; if I were her, I might worry that this meant my perfume was much too strong; maybe it would turn out not to be perfume but the scent of her shampoo or lotion or something and there would be confusion over my question; etc.
I tried to think how I would feel okay being asked. A coworker did actually ask, once, and she said something like “Who is wearing that gorgeous perfume??” and then asked me the name of it and wrote it down, and that worked pretty well, though I did then think my perfume must be too strong and I cut back on it. And also, that technique doesn’t work as well between two strangers, or when you KNOW who it is who smells great. If it were a stranger asking me, I guess I’d be good with something like: “I LOVE that perfume—would you be willing to tell me what it is? I collect them.” Or maybe just “I LOVE your perfume!”—but that again makes me feel as if it must be way too strong.
Well! Nothing like getting all worked up over nothing! I wish I had just brazened it out: how bad could it be, really, even if it was awkward? Now I will never get to know what that perfume was! This is how Lifelong Swistle Quests get started!
I have scheduled my knee replacement surgery for January. When I called, I was worried they would offer, like, next week, which is not enough time for me to get used to the idea, and not enough time for my workplace to make coverage plans; plus my ideal would be to have it done after the holidays. Their first offer was Christmas Eve, which feels like the worst possible day to do it! The scheduler seemed surprised when I turned it down. Save that date for emergency surgery, my good woman!
I am following commenter Kathy’s advice to use an exercise bicycle to develop the muscles around the knees. We already had an exercise bike in the house from the first year of Covid (it’s this one, and we’ve been really happy with how quiet it is and what a small amount of space it takes up). I started with 10 minutes as Kathy suggested, and that was two weeks ago, and now I am up to 30 minutes. I could go longer, I think, but my butt gets sore and also I get very bored of riding the bike, even if I am reading a book. I may want to buy a new exercise bike, only because the highest-resistance setting is not very resistant at all (I don’t know if it doesn’t work properly or if this is truly the highest setting it’s supposed to have; I have just now asked Paul to take a look at it and see if he sees anything obvious—but we’re both pretty sure he already went through this process when we first got the bike).
Gotta say I would be absolutely DElighted if a stranger asked me what perfume I was wearing and asked if they could have the name. I am very particular about perfume, and so knowing that someone else thinks I have good taste would fill me with no end of happiness!
I guess if the surgeon is on duty through the holidays they’d just as soon be working, and of course hospitals close. I’d wonder who would choose that date except my husband once scheduled hernia surgery the week before Christmas when we had plans to travel the following week to his family’s home. His rationale was that he could use the Christmas holiday to preserve one extra day of leave.
I don’t think I’d ask someone at my place of work, although I might feel find about asking another patron at the library when I was there as a patron.
SWISTLE. I have had this exact same perfume quandary, several times, with the same (non) resolution. There is someone I volunteer with whose perfume is amazing, and I have been wondering and wondering for A YEAR NOW how to ask her about it without being weird. I love the comment your coworker made, but am not sure I could pull it off. And I would also worry that it would cause her to feel self-conscious. Maybe I should just say something dumb like, “I’m looking for a new perfume, what’s your favorite?” or something and hope for the best? But that’s ALSO awkward because there’s not really time for that kind of chitchat during our volunteer get togethers plus I’m not sure I could bring it up without it sounding forced and I don’t know her well at all. ARGH. But she smells so good! And I AM looking for a new perfume!
How about I’m looking for a new perfume and you always smell so good!
You definitely should have asked about the perfume – despite the possibility of it feeling awkward. People love to receive compliments on something they are wearing. Despite the fact, I overthink EVERYTHING, I think if someone asked me about my perfume, I don’t think it would even occur to me that it must be too strong.
Good luck with the surgery!!
I have that exact exercise bike and the highest resistance is quite resistance-y, so maybe there’s something not working right.
I would also be flattered if asked about my perfume.
How about,
“Excuse me, are you wearing perfume, or maybe scented lotion? Something smells really good and I am trying to figure out what it is.”
Your exercise bike looks interesting! I’ve been riding my tricycle all summer, and I’m going to be sad when it snows—an indoor one sounds like a good idea.
I think it would’ve been fine to ask about the perfume. I hope you come across it again!
While I love riding my bike (on flat ground; our whole city is flat as a pancake), I have to say it gives very little resistance. IN SPITE OF THAT, I notice a considerable fitness difference if I bike, say, 3-4 days a week for, say 30+ minutes. I see it especially in my legs. How can it possibly have any effect at all when (on flat ground) pedaling doesn’t seem to have any resistance at all? It’s like flying. Yet there it is; it makes a big difference. A doctor friend told me that biking is the best possible exercise for knees, because all one’s weight is on one’s ass, not on one’s poor knees. It seems like the perfect thing. Bummer about the stationary part; nicer to fly through the air.
All I have to say about perfume is if any of you ever DO identify the heavenly perfumes, please post the information for the rest of us!
I have a similar bike, and i also find it boring. Did you know you can find scenic bike rides on you tube? There’s also an app called ifit that you can get on your phone and cast to your tv, i think it costs $16 a month. The scenery is so pretty and before too long the time has gone by.
Oh!! I did NOT know this!! And when I used to play Wii Fit, I used to very much enjoy even the cartoon/game scenery going by on the little virtual jogs and so forth!
Another option for knee strengthening! https://www.instagram.com/kneesovertoesguy?igsh=MWRpZGJldHJnY3JiZg==
Idk if I’d be anything but happy if someone complimented my perfume and I wouldn’t have thought it would be too strong. That never occurred to me. I think if someone’s perfume was too strong then it wouldn’t be complimented, or there would be a certain “tone” to commenting about perfume.
Also I’m not sure if you want to consider it, but I have had a Peloton bike since 2020 and it’s a really good piece of equipment. Plus, I find it really fun!
I glad you got the surgery scheduled for the time you want. I imagine a lot of people would turn down Christmas Eve. I mean it could be good for someone who didn’t celebrate Christmas, especially if you have the type of job with time off then, but it seems strange the scheduler was surprised.
When thinking about the perfume question, does it help that if someone said “I love your shirt! Where did you get it?” you wouldn’t (I assume) think to yourself “Oh, I shouldn’t be wearing that shirt too often, if people people are telling me they love it, it must mean it’s too garish”? You would (I assume) just be pleased that someone also loves that beautiful shirt and complimented your taste. I think you should ask about other people’s perfumes and not cut back on your own because it was complimented. :)
One thing that helped me get more into bicycling when my husband wanted to do it regularly was getting the padded bicycle pants. They feel a bit silly but your butt feels so much better.
I also have the problem of getting bored when running. For me, a show like Survivor on my phone with wireless ear buds does the trick. It’s the music they use during the challenges and the voting – I find I ramp up my running as those parts get more intense.
I get asked constantly what my perfume is and it delights me every time. It’s a compliment and giving a compliment is always a good idea.
What is your perfume? I’d like to smell that good!
Not a Perfume by Juliette Has a Gun! It’s expensive but worth it. It lasts forever.
Christmas Eve could be a convenient time for surgery if you’re Jewish/Muslim/Hindu – no worries about taking off work or missing out on festivities or family time …
The timing seems bad to me mostly because of the difficulty of follow-up services: I’ve already been warned that staffing and office hours are very short around the Christmas holiday, and physical therapy can be difficult to get. And I’d hate to drag someone who DOES celebrate Christmas, OR someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas and is taking on the burden for all their co-workers who do, out to my house that week to work on my knee, when my knee can easily wait another couple of weeks!
I’m not sure if this will be helpful, but my brother (a physical therapist) says one of the very best ways to prep for a surgery of this sort is is working out in water, the resistance of the water against the joint capsule and helpful in preparing for surgery. He recommends lap swimming or water aerobics. Maybe you live in an area with a public pool this would be helpful? We’re rooting for you to get the very best outcome!
If/when you do compliment someone on their perfume, I like the idea of saying “I love your perfume–it’s the perfect subtle scent that I enjoy.” or “I can’t wear scents that are too strong, and this is the perfect balance” something like that?
I asked a volunteer at the school that I worked at, and she was all too happy to tell me (It was Taylor Swift Wonderstruck), and the important thing is, if I hadn’t known, I would never have got to enjoy the body wash set because they discontinued that fragrance! I still have the perfume, but am much more likely to use the scented body wash or lotion (and that ran out pretty fast, sadly)
I had bunion surgery on December 28th a couple years ago. It was the kind of surgery where it needed to happen but wasn’t particularly urgent. Then my son had a fall at summer camp which involved an ambulance ride, ER visit, stitches and a CT scan and suddenly our family deductible and out of pocket maximum were met, which meant I could have the surgery essentially free. But I couldn’t schedule surgery until after the first week of December because I was in a play, so that left a very short window of time before the end of the year. The surgeon says he is very busy in December because of people in similar situations because of their insurance.
I have that bike and have also used it at my brother’s house (they bought the same one during covid lockdown too) and the highest setting is crazy resistant, so hopefully you can fix it. I like to watch a sitcom I’ve already seen before while riding so that I know when about 22-25 minutes have passed. It is boring!
I think about if someone said to me, that perfume is so nice, what is it? Or, you smell so good, I love your perfume! I don’t think I’d cut back on it, because I don’t think people would think it was good if it was too much! I have really been trying to dole out the compliments to people I come across, especially women, and lots of times they answer with what it is, they use a shampoo they like, where they bought the shoes I admired, etc. Anyway I think you’d be fine to say it and it would hopefully roll out very naturally, unless someone was trying to gatekeep their scent which doesn’t really seem possible, although, people! Who knows! Great news about your knee surgery getting scheduled. You’re smart to build it up! Maybe one year from now, we will all be like, oh yes I have a friend who had knee replacement surgery and it went so well, she is doing AMAZINGLY well.
I have a close friend that had bilateral knee replacement surgery about 3 years ago. She worked really hard to develop her quadriceps strength beforehand at the recommendation of her surgeon. She has said that the implants still feel really heavy but she’s so glad she worked on that before – it really helped with the getting up and down part of her recovery. Just food for thought!
I think you could work something into your question to head off the “oh no, now she’ll think it was too strong and I’m making her uncomfortable!” worry. Maybe something like, “Excuse me, what perfume are you wearing? I’ve been looking for something that’s not TOO strong but also not noticeable at all, and yours is perfect!”
If you asked about her perfume while you were standing a couple of feet away from her, I don’t think she’d worry that it’s too strong. If you hollered across the room, sure.
I asked a coworker about her perfume and we had a nice chat about finding the right thing. Unfortunately, her perfume smells much different on me, so the nice chat was all I got out of it.
If you decide to get a new exercise bike, I strongly recommend buying used. I bought a used cross-country ski machine almost 30 years ago, and it’s still going strong, No one ever sells their exercise equipment because they’re using it too much.