I am just back from a trip with Paul and Henry to see my parents, and I’ve realized the trouble with having a blog my parents read is that I can’t give you a frank report of the trip, NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING FRANK TO SAY. I’m just saying if there WERE something, I wouldn’t be able to say it. My CO-WORKERS would end up getting a franker report than you would, and that just seems wrong.
We had a nice trip. This is the first time Paul and Henry have been to visit my parents since they (my parents) moved away, so it was in part a trip to spend time with my parents, and in part a trip to show Paul and Henry around the new state where my parents live. On earlier trips, I have taken with me: Elizabeth; and then Rob and William; and then Elizabeth again with Edward. It should have been Henry and Edward on that third trip, but Henry was at a behavioral stage where I could not imagine traveling with him. And I could have taken just Edward, but by then I’d learned how nice it is to travel with two traveling companions, so that you can take up a whole row of three seats on the plane and not have to sit with a stranger and/or figure out how to get to the bathroom when the stranger falls asleep in the aisle seat. So I asked Edward who we should bring as our third, and Edward said it should be Elizabeth, so anyway Elizabeth has been twice, and now finally Henry (who is a perfectly pleasant traveling companion at 17, and it’s hard to remember feeling like he wouldn’t be) has been once, and Paul has been once, and I have been five times, because I also went once with my brother.
It is odd to get to the parenting stage where “taking turns” becomes a different kind of issue. I was thinking about whose turn it would be to go with me the NEXT time I visit my parents, and in the All Housechildren Era it would be Rob and William’s turn again—but they’re both in their 20s now, and Rob lives elsewhere, and it feels like they have both exited the rotation, turn-wise. Similarly, for many years we’ve had a system of taking turns choosing the Christmas tree lights: some of us prefer colored lights and some of us prefer white lights, so we have two sets of lights and each year it’s someone else’s turn to choose. But Rob no longer lives here, nor has he come home for Christmas the last two years, so when his turn came up we skipped him. Soon the same may happen with William, and then with the twins, and then with Henry, and then perhaps it will be just Paul and me, pretending our cats are taking turns choosing the Christmas lights.
A lot of people I know IRL read my blog and it does limit what I can say sometimes. Did I ever tell you about the time I sent a blog post to my MIL ahead of time to make sure it was okay with her (she and my FIL were separating) and it WAS NOT OKAY and she was mad at me for even writing it, though I agreed not to post it? That was in 2008 and I don’t think either of us is completely past it.
Anyway, between covid sending my eldest home for 1.5 years during his college years and unemployment/temporary employment having kept him home for almost a year so far, and the youngest’s periodic health issues, I’m not making any predictions about who will be home when… but yes, I do think about things like that, too. Eventually, they will both be gone, even if we don’t know when.
How do you feel about your parents living further away? Did your feelings change over time? I had one parent emigrate a year ago just after we announced we were expecting a second child and I still feel bitter about it…
As someone whose parents have provided what would have been a lot of fodder if I still had a blog, might I suggest that if you ever needed a post topic, there is always the sort of open forum you sometimes provide? Sometimes people might want to respond to comments, and sometimes they might just want to do their own little brain dumps, but I suspect a lot of us would have glimmers of recognition at other people’s stories.
I have moved on to the stage where at least one of my kids is a fully autonomous adult, but I have offered to pay for airfare if he wants to go visit his grandfather, and he has taken me up on it.
We have two kids home from college this summer, and there is now turn-taking in the form of picking dinner bases on who is home that evening and who is working.
Curious how the older kids are doing.
Has Rob been home for non Christmas times?
Is William still in school? Graduating this year? Also moved out?
I maybe should know from other posts; apologies if that’s the case!
Maybe you and your mom (& maybe Elizabeth, SIL, etc) could fly to a third place for girl trips. That could be fun.
We have seen Rob a little bit: we met him in England for the trip to England, and he has also come to an annual extended-family gathering. He is coming to the annual extended-family gathering again this year—and he has arranged to stay with us for a few additional days after the gathering, which I am taking as a hopeful sign. (I have been worried by his non-Christmas-attendance that maybe he…doesn’t like us?)
William graduated mid-year, in December. He is at home. His non-finding-a-job may need to be a future post. I don’t like to interfere, but.
Oh, I LIKE the girl-trip idea!!
About non-Christmas attendance, is it possible it’s Christmas he doesn’t like? I’m thinking of his dislike of stuff and preference for no gifts and it seems like Christmas might just be a lot.
Hahaha my mother also reads my blog, and most people I know IRL do too, which is good in a way – it keeps me from talking trash – but also IT KEEPS ME FROM TALKING TRASH. And sometimes I want to be really honest (god, more honest? Probably not necessary from me.)
I find this post – and anything with large families – so interesting, because I don’t really feel like it’s an issue with two kids. With five, it’s a group effort, with two, well, they are kind of a package deal.
One of my ladies from my old senior’s yoga class used to have her grandchildren decorate the Christmas tree, she made it a big thing from the time the first one was born, and now she has several in a variety of ages. Maybe that kind of thing will be in our future.
“…it keeps me from talking trash – but also IT KEEPS ME FROM TALKING TRASH”—EXACTLY!!!
We’re doing the “taking turns” going on a visit to England with me, to see my parents and where I grew up. My oldest was meant to go in 2020 and that obviously didn’t happen. She was 15 then. Ended up going with me in 2022 instead, at 17. This year my 16 year old son went with me. I did consider skipping him and going with my 13 year old son – mostly because this trip was over spring break and the start of baseball season. But then figured it would be unfair to get skipped, and worst as the middle child and it’s fine to skip the start of baseball as a sophomore but worse to do as a junior or senior.
So now friends are all asking if it’s the youngest’s turn next. I guess so. Though my parents are having health concerns, so maybe I need to go next year, rather than wait two years. Maybe the next trip will be a caring trip, rather than a tourist trip. Maybe my husband can come next time too, and head home sooner with our youngest, since he’s the youngest kid and the older two can drive and one is an adult now.
We booked a short family trip yesterday. The 19 year old still lives with us and is coming with us. Three night vacation. I was thinking how maybe this will be our last 5 person trip. I’m pleasantly surprised that she even wanted to come with us this year.
I am commenting less because of something to say and more to sign up for emails because I don’t seem to be getting your blog in my emails anymore! Which is bonkers and I was thinking recently, “I hope Swistle is well, I haven’t seen a post in a while” and someone/thing has been hiding them!
Wait, I am no longer seeing the option for that OR comment notification! Egads. Those were all my favorite emails.
Oh dear. I wonder if I changed something on the back-end, or if the blog-hosting site did. For awhile there was this irritating thing where anytime someone commented, they would get a pop-up asking them to subscribe to the blog, which I attempted to turn off—but I am not, shall we say, TALENTED at the tech stuff. But I THINK all I did was turn off the pop-ups? …Still, I have that nervous feeling that it may be my fault. I didn’t INTEND to turn those other things off, but. Well. Sometimes I. Etc.
I can only see this because I went looking. It used to be that ar the bottom of this here comment box were the fields for “name” and “email” and “website” and two check boxes — one for notify of new posts and one for notify of new comments. Those are missing.
I had checked the notify or email new posts one and have gotten those FOR YEARS from worpress. I don’t seem to be getting them now unless they’re in spam. I haven’t done a deep dive. And the. i would check the follow up comments on the good ones so I would have oodles of fun reading FOR DAYS! And that check box is gone but it was a case by case thing.
Yeah, stupid kids getting relentlessly older and independenter and not being around to fight over who gets the pink plate.
My friend has a prelit tree with lights that toggle between white and coloured, and it is the most magical thing to me, and yet we continue to buy a real tree every year (even though the kids aren’t even here to go get it anymore) and put the tangled coloured lights on it like a couple of shmoes.
On the other hand, it is FUN traveling with the kids – erm, my offspring – now. Pure fun. And that’s something I GUESS.
I’m having the same problem of not receiving the blog posts to my email. I just happened to remember today and looked for it!
Interestingly, I no longer receive the comments to my email, either—and I can see my settings, and they should still be arriving that way. This is a WordPress/backend issue, apparently.