I had such a down day today, and for NO GOOD REASON other than the looming presidential election and likely collapse of democracy! I had a good night’s sleep; I had the day off work so I went on a good long walk for my stupid physical and emotional health; I had a hot shower and I shaved my legs; I made my bed and I ate a good breakfast. And, after that excellent and promising start, I spent most of the day mooning pitifully around my house, feeling sad and cold and dismal and not able to think of or make myself do any of the many, many, MANY things that could have helped. And now that I have perked back up like a watered plant, it’s so easy to think of those things. Like, it wouldn’t even have taken much energy or motivation to just go upstairs and lie on my bed playing phone games in a patch of sunshine, instead of playing them in a chilly rocking chair in the dim living room, and I would have been warmer and maybe the sunshine would have been mood-bolstering. But did I do that? Did I hell!
I did make myself go to the grocery store, which didn’t help my mood but it got me out of the house and I got something done. And, when the grocery store was out of a few things, I got myself to make a second trip out of the house to another grocery store, one that’s more expensive but also has some different things than our usual grocery store—and as I’m typing this I am hearing this how my children would hear it: “Well, I went to a DIFFERENT grocery store and looked at some DIFFERENT groceries, so THAT was a LITTLE fun!” Oh dear. Well, but it WAS a little fun! I still felt inexplicably morose, but you know how sometimes it can almost feel good to feel morose? It started feeling a little bit of that, instead of the only-bad-to-feel-morose kind of morose from before. And I looked at their wider selection of International Foods, and I admired their wider array of take-home meal items, and I considered their new display of many varieties of salt water taffy, and I got a little overwhelmed by their much larger and more expensive floral section. I bought the things the usual grocery store was out of, plus two flavors of ice cream that our usual grocery store doesn’t carry, plus (again I hear this how my children would hear it) a package that was entirely a good and useful size of rubber band. Our usual grocery store has only the mixed pack including all the tiny useless ones that fall to the bottom of the miscellany drawer and breed depression.
I am experimenting with bedtime teas. This is actually Henry’s idea; he has been very Into Tea recently. I can’t remember if I told you already that I bought a clearance teapot at HomeGoods just to see if we’d use it, and now we use it all the time. Like, late morning on a weekend, Henry might say, “I’m putting on some Earl Grey; would you want some?”—and if I say yes, he’ll use two teabags and make a whole teapot of it. Or in the late afternoon he might make an herbal tea. I think this appeals to his Theatre Kid side: a little vintage, a little European, a little attention-getting. He’ll make a pot of tea when his Dungeons & Dragons group comes over, which I act very nonchalant about as if it is not a charming combination I will try to drop into conversations(/blog posts) with friends/relatives/co-workers. D & D & tea!
Where was I? Oh, yes: bedtime teas. We have several kinds, with varying combinations of melatonin/valerian/chamomile/etc., and I need to keep more careful track of (1) which ones I drink and (2) how long I let them steep and (3) how much of them I drink, because SOMETIMES it seems as if a sleepytime tea very gently helps me get to sleep and stay asleep, and SOMETIMES it seems as if it makes me sweat and have bad dreams and makes it hard to get up in the morning. And I don’t know which is the applicable variable. Henry suggests it might be completely other things not related to the tea, and that is also possible. I think it’s the tea, but it could for example be the tea + perimenopause.
Do you really think the Dark Side will win the election? It’s so hard to tell from up here in Canada what real people down there are thinking since we hear so, so much of the hype from media and the crazies on social media. And the facts seem to be that he’s pretty much gone off the deep end and keeps hitting new lows like being found in contempt of court and a bunch of stuff that seems like it should matter to people voting.
Should.
That’s what we thought last time
There’s at least a chance for the organge buffoon. We have to be prepared. Resistance mode on.
What’s scaring me is how many people I’m seeing who don’t support Biden due to the handling of the Israel/ Palestine conflict. To be clear, I think the Biden administration is handling the Israel/ Palestine conflict terribly and we are absolutely on the wrong side of that issue. However, our upcoming Presidental election is between Biden and Trump, there are no other viable choices, and Trump will be worse on Israel and Palestine AND every other issue. But I am seeing a lot of people who would otherwise vote for Biden saying that they won’t vote for him due to this issue. I don’t think they are going to vote for Trump, but I also fear what anything less than a commanding victory for Biden will lead to. So I have a lot of fear about the upcoming election.
For me it’s not just the fear that trump could win. It’s that he already pitched a massive fit when he lost to Biden. His cult has only gotten more deranged since then. So when he hopefully loses again this November, the repercussions may be worse and our country divided beyond repair.
Maria, I agree with you. My entire (evangelical) world has gone over the edge into Trump Cult; I’ve lost my whole community and much of my extended family. Even if Trump died or became so neurocognitively impaired that he couldn’t speak at all, his Cult would march forward singing Onward Christian Soldiers, deranged and zealous, seeing themselves as called by God to destroy all the Evil Vermin invading their Precious White, Straight, Evangelical, English-speaking country, especially those with the gall to claim they had equal rights. Much as they adore Trump, I don’t think they even need Trump anymore. At this point, anyone powerful and unstoppable with Trump’s “values” when it comes to Vermin would be able to take his place as Supreme Idol if he died or became incapacitated .
As you say, when Trump hopefully loses in November (and claims the election as stolen and calls for revolution), I hardly know what will happen.
I try to live my life and find joy in spite of the impending calamity, but when it overwhelms me, I feel fully justified in experiencing periods of grief and loss. I think of that song, “It’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to” and who wouldn’t. Anyone who isn’t sobered by it in my opinion isn’t paying attention.
Yes, the majority of my parenting life has been under this cloud of stress. I started medication for anxiety after Trump was elected. I hate that he has robbed us of so much. I hate that so many of my evangelical relatives will vote for him again.
My boys love D&D. The local library was running a group for kids, but had to recently end it. One intrepid 7th grader is taking on the role of DM to continue the group and my guys are pumped to keep going. I should send tea along with them :)
Ehhh….I’ve been low-key terrified since January. He’s ahead in a lot of the state polls. Stupid RFJ Jr is still in the race. People are stupid. I’m worried.
And I realized something a few weeks ago. We’ve been dealing with Trump as a presidential candidate or president since 2015. I’d say my anxiety about him has been at least low-level that entire time. I do think I had a pretty good 2021-2022ish. But it was still there. And the majority of that time it was pretty high anxiety. So that’s 9 years of this crap. I’m 44. THAT’S 20% OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. 20%. I’ve been dealing with this for 20% of my life. And it’s over 40% of my adult life. Think about that.
In some ways it makes me feel a tiny bit better. I’ve survived. I’m not completely non-functional. But in other ways it makes me so sad—20% of MY LIFE I’ve had to think about and worry about Donald Trump. I don’t have another 4 years in me.
I don’t like tea myself. It smells good, but I hate the “tea” taste. My son who is exactly Henry’s age is also in theater. During the many, many days of rehearsal for the musical they had a tea cart with hot water and many kinds of tea. My son brought hot chocolate packets to rehearsal. Just to say that theater and tea may be a thing.
the tea thing with D&D (and theater) is so lovable and adorable and I just love that Henry will invite you to share some with him. <3 LOVE.
I also understand a down day for no reason and kind-of wanting to wallow in it. I think you handled it just perfectly.
Fwiw, melatonin is linked to nightmares. I get more out of a liquid microdose.
Wishing you good sleep and better days ahead.
I took melatonin briefly and it absolutely gave me nightmares.
Same. It was bad. Also I don’t have problems falling asleep, just staying asleep and melatonin doesn’t help with that(does anything help with that? As far as I’ve read in a million research papers, no)
I recently started taking gabapentin for hot flashes and sleep and let me say: GAME CHANGER.
hydroxyzine helps me stay asleep! My doctor prescribed it to prevent me from scratching eczema rashes at night, but it is also prescribed for anxiety. It’s amazing what a tiny pill can do!
Clarifying with an awake-brain: I get more *benefits* out of a very small (0.25mg) dose of liquid melatonin than I do out of tea, gummies, etc. because those often have a 3mg dose and that higher dose gives me nightmares.
Sorry you had a bad day. And thank you for sharing. We all have them, but they usually stay hidden under a duvet of shame. Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea is my favourite! So comforting and delicious (unlike some other bed time teas that taste like hay). Sending warm wishes.
I love Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime tea! It is so comforting!
I would be very interested in teas that people believed actually helped with sleep. I am very bad at sleeping despite years of practice.
Me too! Please to be posting specific teas you enjoy at bedtime! I love tea AND sleep!
I keep Trader Joes Tea (the one with the polar bear on it) in the house for a bedtime tea, but I THINK it only doesn’t disturb my sleep, I’d love to change it for something that helps!
My husband is huge on tea and I come from a tea drinking culture in Europe. Please please please get him a good (quality) selection of loose leaf tea. And something to steep it in for individual tea cups. Or take him to a tea shop if you are ever in an area that has one so he can experience the amazing selection. He’ll love it! (I think).
Also, honey is delicious with tea. Or lemon.
I second this suggestion. After years of teabags, I’ve recently reverted to loose-leaf tea because of microplastics. I had forgotten how much better it tastes!
I had one of those down days myself recently, and realized it was probably the result of an estrogen-replacement supplement I’d been taking since I can’t take HRT. Menopause is fun!
I’m afraid drinking tea before bedtime would cause me to walk to the bathroom more times than I already do at night. I enjoy herbal or white tea in the morning to help me ease into the day.
I too am so effing despondent about the looming election. It’s bad just for normal reasons and it’s beyond bad for me personally because my husband who is the real moneymaker in our house, works for the gov and for an agency specifically that TFG hates and my husband expects his agency will be dismantled and then where will we be with all these kids and all their effing NEEDS? This is what keeps me up at night and brings me some down days.
I cut down to one cup of coffee – and I love coffee – thinking it would help me sleep better. I don’t think it did anything since there’s no rhyme or reason to when I sleep well or when I wake up all night. I’m chalking it up to perimenopause. My mom says I’m too young (43) but a year ago, I started being hot all the time and don’t wear a jacket if it’s above freezing so I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on.
I love Sleepytime tea. Sometimes I make special tea by adding a glug of honey liquor. It’s fantastic in the winter.
Once many years ago I was talking at my mom about my day and sort of petered off at the end of a sentence. She looked me dead in the eye and deadpanned, “That’s a great story; you should tell it at parties.” It’s been a catchphrase in our house ever since. :D
Oldest is theater kid and he is also into tea. Could be a thing?
I’m absolutely refusing to think about the coming election. I realize it’s probably not healthy to ostrich my way through this but it’s all I can do. I am mentally boxing up all of my anxieties and thoughts about them and stuffing them down to a deep dark place inside me in the grand tradition of New Englanders. If I start really thinking about it I get so worried and anxious.
I drink the Trader Joe’s Well Rested tea every night before bed. It really helps me sleep through the night. I like the taste better than just plain chamomile. I even make it at other people’s houses when I’m staying with them.
The election nervousness is setting in for me too. Definitely don’t listen to the NY Times Daily podcast about what a second term would look like, like I just did. One thing I’m thinking is that the serenity prayer isn’t just for alcoholics. Can’t control the thing, forget about it. Easier said than done, I know, I know. I also have been saying “I’m ruminating” out loud when I’m ruminating. For some reason it mostly disrupts it. It’s going to be a long summer/ fall.
I am a warm vanilla milk person at bedtime if I think I won’t sleep. It lacks the hippie chic of herbal tea (I add sugar as well as vanilla), but it seems to work better.
But if my kid offered to share a bedtime beverage with me, I’d drink whatever he offered. I’d be so charmed!
I don’t really like sleepytime kind of teas, but my go-to middle of the night can’t sleep beverage is hot milk with a bit of crumbled saffron, almond extract, and local honey. This probably makes me insufferably bougie.
Tea and D and D is just pretty adorable.
I’m a trained historian and it’s just very hard to avoid the hamster wheel thoughts of doom about echoes of the past that could recur in the near future. 1968 and 1930s Germany are on my mind.
A recommendation of Adagio Communitea. It’s a different tea for every day of the month. My teen and I got a month and have bonded over it . A little fun thing each day – we try the tea and talk about what we think about it. We both look forward to it. Now we get them a few times a year to enjoy.
Henry’s birthday is next month and I have just added a note to my calendar: right now they have May and June packs, so I imagine middish May they might have June and July, and I am going to order both! He is going to LOVE THIS!
I hate those kind of days – and they are SO hard to break out of.
No comment on teas; I’m not a tea drinker. But yes, I think menopause has definitely messed with my sleep patterns.
I am at the point in my perimenopausal cycle of doom where I have anxiety nightmares and wake up sweaty, exhausted and full of dread. Then brain no worky all day, which is problematic because I need my brain to do my job, which makes me anxious, which makes me have more anxiety nightmares. By these signs and portents it’s 3-5 days until Lucifer’s Waterfall.
I love tea. I love that Henry loves tea. <3 OG Celestial Seasons Sleepytime is the only chamomile tea that doesn't taste like grass to me. It's coziness in a cup.
Another person verifying that theatre kids and tea is definitely A THING! My daughter is Henry’s age and heavily involved in theatre. Her Valentines gift from her boyfriend was a super expensive loose leaf tea from Paris and she was delighted. Not a gift I wanted from boyfriends at age 17, but hey, whatever makes her happy! A few people mentioned Celestial Seasonings tea – I grew up in Boulder, Colorado very near the factory. They have a very nice tour with fun samples and things, it was always a hit with out of town guests.
Those little rubber bands are perfect for keeping rolls of wrapping paper snug and tidy. I tried using hair ties after my daughter cut her hair short but they were too loose as is, and too tight doubled.