As soon as the Thanksgiving meal is over, I crack out the pine-scented hand soap. CHRISTMAS SEASON, BITCHES. Well, that is just me trying to sound cool.
Here is the little thing I keep saying to myself as I am doing my Christmas shopping and seeing things I want for myself: “I don’t need that.” Alternative phrases, also in use: “I have enough of that”/”I don’t want to have to find a place for that.”
If, however, I find I DO need that, DON’T have enough of that, or DON’T MIND AT ALL finding a place for that, then I go ahead and buy it. I know I have mentioned on other occasions that after a couple of decades of I don’t know what to call it, I now fill my own stocking. There is a big-picture way in which this sucks, but I have found several silver linings to it, one of which is that when I see things throughout the year that might be difficult to justify buying (face lotion/wash that costs more than I would usually spend but it’s on a good sale; Hello Kitty lip balms; stickers I absolutely do not need), I can buy them, For My Stocking. I have an opaque bag in the gift cupboard where I put those things, so that many of them end up being actual surprises. Thank you, Earlier-in-the-Year Swistle! How sweet of you to think of me! I feel so loved!
This would be an excellent moment for you to suggest some little indulgences any of us might wish to purchase for our own stockings. I will be taking INTENSE NOTES.
Abrupt segue. I am not planning to do the annual calendar post this year. I hesitate even to mention this, because sometimes when I see someone bracing other people for something they’re not going to do, as if they think it is something other people need to brace for, my reaction is not positive. Sometimes I think uncharitable thoughts. But also I know how I feel about certain regular, predictable events. So anyway I am saying it, super casually, just in case you would like to know ahead of time. I am not sure which wall calendar I will buy for the kitchen this year (though, based on current mood, probably a comforting repeat from a previous year), but I have already bought the Pusheen day-to-day calendar for my desk.
Four kids are here for Thanksgiving, and it is wonderful. If right now you are in the pits of little-kid busyness and exhaustion, let me just say that older kids can be a delight I didn’t know to anticipate.
I had little kids in part because I wanted big kids. I’m glad this plan wasn’t misguided, even though I like my little kids way more than I thought I would.
My family doesn’t really do stockings (except for children), but my favorite stocking-sized items to buy for myself are probably socks. (I especially like the Blue Q brand—they do a lot of socks with snarky/silly/profane phrases on them. They’re also very cute—profanity/snark aside—and seem to be good quality.) Also knitting and crochet supplies (for making more socks, among other things). And earrings. And pens, because I’m constantly losing all my good pens. Ooooh, and sticky notes and those little sticky page marker things. And my hypothetical stocking would also include a new keychain, because I lost my favorite one recently (along with my keys, but I was honestly sadder about the keychain).
I LOVE the Blue Q socks, because sometimes when I can’t fine anything appropriate for someone the Blue Q socks come through. One year I really wanted a little thing for my cardiologist brother in law, but I couldn’t find anything that seemed right, until a pair of Blue Q socks that said “Busy making a f*cking difference” presented themselves.
I finished eating thanksgiving and went and put on a Christmas tshirt immediately.
I love this.
I very much needed to hear that last comment about big kids! I have a little kid and I am, as mentioned, exhausted.
I also stuff my own stocking and LOVE IT (although I know that not everyone feels this way). Of his own volition, my husband asked to do my stocking one year and it was great! And more importantly he saw that I was doing something that he could be doing himself and went out of his way to rectify the situation and in general I value that over having total control over what I receive…but I still prefer my own stocking stuffers! So much so that I asked to return to stocking duty and put him on birthday gift duty for our child whose birthday is 3 days before Christmas.
I do a bit of a hybrid. My husband (who did not do stockings as a child) truly had no clue. Good intent, but… I created a wish list of things I want in my stocking. Like, on Amazon, so he’s clicking the link to the thing I want. This is partially because I like my stocking to be full of fresh sewing supplies and I want what I want. And then I tuck in my own stuff. Like the Bombas socks I love but have trouble buying. I think this is partially because adults didn’t have stockings in my childhood celebration. I only do adult stockings because I wasn’t willing to stop hanging up my childhood stocking and then once I had kids they expected mine filled too.
I love having older kids!
Filling your own stocking is a smart idea, and yes, I get the big-picture thing about it but also, sometimes we have to plant our own gardens instead of waiting for someone to bring us flowers, so I am all excited for you and your amazing stocking.
My husband always puts a bottle of wine in my stocking which is nice, but it’s the only thing. So.
I stuff my own stocking or else it would just have some drugstore items bought at the last minute (though I never mind the lottery tickets from the gas station, there’s that). I get crafting tools or supplies, mostly. But it might also be nail Polish or note pads, or some cute item from Target like a travel jewelry container.
Yes, the older kids are a delight! 2 of mine have recently moved back to the area after college graduation, but not into our house. So! Yesterday I experienced , for the first time, older kids coming home for a big meal , then going back to their own homes and that was a bit bizarre , like no loafing around lazily for hours on the couch after eating , or hunting for leftovers in the fridge late-night.
This year I handed my husband a shoebox and strongly suggested that he use it for stocking presents. I have been stuffing my own for years and I just don’t enjoy it – I wish I did, but it makes me sad and a bit grumpy (probably because in my head I can splurge on myself, but in reality I don’t). Anyway. I do plan to help out a bit by getting those boho bracelet hair tie sets from Amazon.
I also stuff my own stocking, except for maybe one or two small things, and I hear you on all the feelings associated with that.
My small indulgence is O’Keefe hand cream, in the tube. I go though eight million tubes of that hand cream each winter and it’s the ONLY THING that keeps them from disintegrating into flakes.
One thing I’ll be adding to my husband’s stocking is the Truff hot sauce. It’s a good stocking stuffer size and it’s really delicious mixed into yogurt/sour cream as a dip for chips or veggies.
If you have a World Market near you, they have an aisle with tiny versions of luxurious things that are suitable for stockings: honey, jam, fancy cookies, olives, salami, wee bottles of hot sauce, fudge, mints, and many other things. I often go there for stocking-shopping.
Other ideas: a small multi tool, a pack of cards (or a trivia game, something like that), a sheet mask, bath bombs, bookmarks, a laser pointer so we can play with the cats.
I too stuff my own stocking (and if there is a phrase more deserving of an eyebrow wiggle I don’t know what it is), and by that I mean pick out and/or buy almost all of my own gifts. In middle age I’ve realized a few things about myself that would have seemed shocking to younger me because everyone is suppose to love these things, right?:
– I do not like the beach. In particular I do not like sitting on sand or having it crusted to me.
– I do not like most concerts. They are too loud and the people around me are annoying and the music doesn’t always match the recorded versions I enjoy at home.
AND
– Despite the fact that I LOVE giving gifts, I do not really like getting gifts from other people. Either I’m unenthused about what they pick for me, or I spoil the surprise by telling them exactly what I want.
In an ideal world people would magically be able to pick out things I love, but this world does not exist and I am a terrible faker of delight when opening gifts (see: the time my husband got me replacement recycling bins for my 50th birthday).
Solidarity! I prefer to either buy myself the things I want or make a very specific list that others can buy from but H thinks this is boring and predictable and wishes to buy me stuff he picks out. He also doesn’t like to provide me with a list and wants me to just go with my gut. I find this incredibly stressful. This is the kind of issue they really need to cover in premarital counseling ;-)
I’ve taken to buying myself things and telling my mom and Oldest that they are from them. Both deeply appreciate this. Bless them!
My husband agrees with you on giving gifts but not receiving. He wants exactly what he wants, which means he has to pick it out anyway. And in that case he would rather just buy it now. He does *not* want anything else or to have pretend to be excited or to figure out where to put it. He finds Christmas morning overwhelming and would really prefer not to open gifts himself. Every once in awhile someone has just the perfect gift for him (usually when it’s actually taking care of a task for him), but many years our gift to him is not buying a gift. It was really hard at first, but I have finally accepted that he really and truly prefers that. Doing anything else is about me, not him.
Also, I was warned by a colleague at work years ago about the impending drama and frustration of the teenage years. Now that I have teenagers I am pleased to report that mine – especially my daughter – are gosh-darned delight.
Yes! My daughters are 13 and 15 and sure, they have their moments, but most of the time they’re such a delight. They’re so clever and funny and warm and creative. I love spending time with them. I always thought baby/toddler was my favourite phase and was sad when it was over but teenager is great and gives me high hopes for adult (which, after all, lasts the longest)
I love having older kids, but I yearn for the little kid days more than I should, and I need those reminders of how difficult and exhausting it often was.
I will miss the calendar post, but I am all for people quitting things that don’t serve them anymore, and not doing things just because they have always been done.
I think any make up item (lipstick, mascara, eye shadows) is nice for stockings. I like the Burt’s Bees makeup remover towelettes. Usually some sort of hair item I don’t need (clips, Bobby pins with gems, some gadget that promises to keep my hair in a bun). Gift cards (a lot of times around the holidays you can get double points or whatever at our local grocery store for buying them so I’ll just buy a bunch for places I know we’ll go in the next year “from Santa” to get the points). Luggage tags. Any small travel gadget I need or want to try (luggage locks, pack pocket, hand sanitizer, clip on cup holder for the airplane). Movie theater candy. Lottery tickets. Nail polish. Cheap jewelry, especially earrings.
I had been wondering about the calendar post, because it is fun to skim over the options, but it will not create, like, a yearning chasm in my life.
Preferred stocking stuffers, although we haven’t done stockings for maybe 8 years now (no kids): post-its (mini or page flags) and binder clips and smooth pens; I can nearly always use more and am delighted to see them. Or tasty things, but those have more of a shelf life and less of a buy-in-January-happy-surprise-in-December thing going on, often…
We only do stockings for the kids. Reading these comments I’m wondering if it is more common in the US that every family member gets a stocking? Or maybe not. I also didn’t grow up doing stockings in the UK – we got a sack of gifts from Father Christmas.
I do enjoy buying things for my kids’ stockings. They are older now – 12, 16 and 18 and I still enjoy it. I enjoy being able to buy fun stuff and have the justification that I “need it” for a stocking stuffer. Maybe I should buy myself things, but then I would also have to get my husband a stocking too and that would be more difficult to fill.
Swistle did you grow up with stockings and then just continued them into adulthood or did it start when you had kids?
Yes, I grew up with stockings. I’m familiar with everyone getting a stocking, including the adults.
I’m in the UK and grew up with stockings only being for children. We initially only did stockings for our children, then one year I did one for my husband (he was having a hard year with work etc and I thought it would cheer him up) and he liked it so much that from then on we have done stockings for each other. I think most people here just do them for the kids, though it’s not unusual for a couple to do them for each other. Some people think it’s a bit childish but eh.
As a kid, my family just did stockings for the children. I don’t remember my parents having stockings to fill. C, on the other hand, grew up with everyone in the family having a stocking to fill. When we moved in together, I got us stocking mostly because the apartment we were in had a fireplace and we could actually hang the stockings by the fireplace. We each filled the other’s and so the tradition began. I have a few things that always go in C’s stocking. There are a couple of things I can count on being in my stocking. I fill the kids’ stockings, too.
I suspect this is family specific in the US. Stockings were only for kids in my family of origin. I like hanging my childhood stocking as decoration, though, and my oldest asked where Daddy’s stocking was when she was two or three. So, I made him a stocking and started filling ours to preserve the magic. My youngest isn’t quite out of the Santa believing stage yet, but I think I will probably stop filling ours when she is. (My husband grew up in Eastern Europe during communism, so it was all a bit convoluted for him.)
Yes, in my US family it is only the kids’ stockings that get filled, but like you, I hang my childhood stocking as decoration, and because I am nostalgic about it.
My mom keeps bemoaning the fact that my kids are now 20 and 14 and how sad it is that they’re “getting so grown up” and I’m like no, it’s the best! I mean I loved them as smalls but it was just so tiring for years and years. I love having older kids who dress themselves, make their own food, help out, have great conversations, introduce me to new stuff, etc. It’s just the best to me. Needless to say my mom is sad because she wasn’t the one being exhausted by their delightful, but nevertheless, exhausting younger years…
Swistle, maybe you could provide a DIY calendar post for people to share their picks in the comments. That way anyone who wants suggestions would have some to peruse! I totally agree with Allison that we should all feel free to stop doing things that don’t serve us anymore (or right now).
Thanks for the calendar heads up! I do look forward to that post. The one I chose for our family in 2023 never came (from Etsy, from England), so it was our first calendar-less year. In 2022 I was very happy with the one from Subpar Parks. This year I preordered Lore Pemberton’s calendar and am eagerly awaiting it.
I ordered Loré Pemberton’s calendar, too! And Laivi Polder which has a similar cottagecore look.
I was supposed to be taking a trip-of-a-lifetime to Norway in 2024 – all planned out, but wasn’t yet booked, when we decided we were Moving House in 2024 Instead. So I got a scenes of Norway calendar to write the important moving dates on. SadFace. Maybe we’ll go to Norway in 2025?