I keep forgetting that the twins are not home, and it keeps resulting in painful little stabs. It also keeps being ridiculous, such as when I am dealing with something over text with Elizabeth, and it is a SPECIFICALLY LONG-DISTANCE-RELATED issue we are dealing with, and yet in the middle of that exchange I go to the kitchen for a snack and somehow get surprised by remembering that she is not home and also far away.
Henry and William are the only two kids home right now, and it is an odd combination. This is one of the things I continually find interesting about a larger sibling group, having come from a sibling group of only two: the way there are so many COMBINATIONS. And it’s not ages that make combinations compatible or not: the two closest siblings in this particular sibling group–the two who get along best and I’d predict would be most likely to deliberately live near each other as adults–are Elizabeth and William, and there is a four-year gap there; William has a two-year gap with Rob, and Elizabeth has a two-year gap with Henry and a one-minute gap with Edward, but it’s William and Elizabeth who are chummiest.
Anyway, Henry is the baby at only 16, and secondborn William is 22; and that six-year gap, combined with their own particular personalities, combined with WHO KNOWS WHAT, has meant they haven’t spent much time together except as part of the larger group. I don’t generally push, but in this case they were both bored and both running out of summer, and also I am aware that unexpected/unplanned combinations can lead to good fun memories, so I tried a little PUSH, and now they are watching movies together every day, and teaming up for meals/snacks. It is very gratifying.
I am fairly busy with working extra hours at work to make up for all the hours I missed the last couple of months, and with sending panicky packages of Covid tests and Kraft Mac and KN95 masks and cookies and so forth to the twins. Not to compare the situations, but do you remember in the earlier days of the pandemic how TEARILY HAPPY/RELIEVING it could be to have a package of some essential or useful item ON ITS WAY or ARRIVED? I remember feeling WEEPILY GRATEFUL to successfully receive a box of, say, trail-mix and hand soap and rolled oats and chocolate chips—or even to see that it had shipped. This is similar to how I felt today, when a box of Covid tests arrived to Elizabeth at college; and how I feel knowing a box of Milano cookies and Kraft Easy Mac is waiting for her to pick it up tomorrow morning when the mail center re-opens.
Is William home and waiting to go back to college or has he graduated?
I too find the combinations amazing. I am one of two and a mother off 3.
3 years between my first two and 17 months between the next two.
First and second are like oil and water. They can’t be left in a room for 20 minutes without a yelling match breaking out. Second and third are best friends. They share a room and often ask to share a twin bed to sleep. They kind of groom each other like pet monkeys and are constantly touching. First and third get along easily and will happily hang together for hours without fighting.
They are all girls – 13, 10, 9.
He’s home for the summer and about to go back to college.
The girl Triplet prefers to hang out with the Second Oldest Brother; to the point of considering an apartment together.
Sweet Baby only wants to hang out with his dad. I think the age gap is too big (10 years!) to hang out with siblings versus being “babysat”.
Boy Triplets hang out together.
And Eldest Brother is behaving as if he is an Only, unless he needs something.
I find if fascinating to watch the dynamics and how they change as they age.
I *LOVE* the odd combos of siblings and how that all works out. It’s never who you think.
E left for year 2 on Saturday and it is no easier than the first time around. I hate it.
C and I are moving her in this Saturday and I really am dreading coming home without her. I hate it.
I only have three, but my middle moved across the country over the summer. The oldest and youngest are 4 years and 4 months apart, but never really hung out alone. Now they do, because the middle isn’t around to be a companion. They went to the movies, TOGETHER. It was shocking.
Thank you so much for these updates. Everything you write is so RELATABLE to me, even tho I only have the one (senior in college this year!!)
I would so love to hear some of the stories about the places you went to in England. Did the group all have a most fav and least fav. Was anyplace very different than you had expected? was anyplace exactly what you had expected? Would you do a trip like that one again?
Thanks Kate
Me too! I’m a mom of 5 and I have only 1 sibling.. The combo analysis is something I do often and so interesting to me. The 2 still left at home are close in many ways, but the 2 that are peas in a pod are a year apart , live 7 hours away from each other in different schools, but check in with each other daily. I’d love to see them live close! As I’m sure they will if they can.
There is so much about having a lot of kids that seems so fascinating to me, and makes me sorry I was too wimpy to do it.
The first two years when Angus was away, during the year I’d forget he wasn’t just in the basement. When he came home for Christmas break or summer, I’d forget he was in the basement. It is a weird, weird thing.
As someone who found the baby and toddler phase to be very challenging, and I cried many many times in the shower thinking that I was the worst, most incompetent mother, I can not overstate how much I love the later stages of parenting. I would have done cartwheels in the parking lot if I could have dropped my three year old off at college! But, I’m absolutely gutted now that these delightful humans are leaving the nest. They’re leaving just when we got to the good part! I loved being around their energy, and long conversations into the evening, and fun trips to the store for sour candy snacks, and bonfires, and the TikToks they have to show me because it made them laugh, and having extra drivers who could help with shopping, and being silly, and watching them figure out life stuff like how to put gas in the car! All this to say, that I feel your feelings, Swistle. It really is disorienting for the house to be so quiet and for your very favorite people to be moving on in their own lives – especially when (for me) they’ve been the center of my world for so long. It is hard in ways you never can imagine when you’re still in the phase of screaming toddlers and toys strewn all over the house, and feeling like if you don’t get one minute to yourself, your head is going to explode. It’s the way it should be, but golly, does it leave a massive hole in the heart. Many hugs to you.