We have successfully dropped off the twins at college, and have successfully arrived safely back home without them.
Here are the things that have caused me physical pain since then:
• Arriving home from the drop-off and going up the stairs with my overnight bag and idly/automatically glancing at Elizabeth’s bedroom door as I ALWAYS DO (her door is directly in my line of sight as I come up the stairs) and idly/automatically wondering if she was in there.
• Seeing Edward’s electric throw blanket and cat-patterned fleece blanket folded neatly on the couch where Edward spends significant time luxuriating/languishing, and where those blankets have NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF TIME been neatly folded. I don’t even know who’s going to USE that couch if Edward is not here. It’s basically EDWARD’S LOUNGING COUCH.
• Going out for the mail and seeing three boxes for Goodwill in the mudroom, with labels written by Elizabeth.
• Opening the fridge and seeing the leftover taco meat Edward will not be eating (normally Edward has a burrito every morning to try to increase calories/protein/iron), and realizing I will not now need to double the taco-meat recipe every week in order to create those leftovers, and also realizing Edward is now responsible for finding calories/protein/iron.
• Getting up in the morning and walking past Elizabeth’s room and seeing her door open and thinking “Oh! She’s up early!”
• Coming home from work and seeing only Henry and thinking “Gah, Edward can’t still be SLEEPING??”
• Donating blood, and taking an orange juice from the canteen because I was thinking I could bring it home and give it to Edward.
• Looking for a snack, opening the cheese drawer, seeing an appealing cheese stick but it was the last one, and thinking “Oh, I should save that for Elizabeth.”
• The predicted grocery-store issues. Just absolutely one thing after another there. Absolutely brutal.
This is fine. IT’S FINE. IT’S FINE. It really is fine, for real it is fine! But right now I am Not Thinking About It, and waiting for enough time to pass that it won’t be an issue anymore, because that is what happened with Rob and then with William: enough time passed, and then it wasn’t really an issue anymore. In fact I started experiencing only the delicious flip-side: they’re coming home so I am buying their favorite things at the grocery store! they’re home for a visit so I see their closed bedroom door and know they’re in there! I need to make a double-batch of taco meat! etc.!
Here is one thing we had to re-learn:
• PACK DISPOSABLE FLATWARE. Paul is really good at finding interesting take-out restaurants! But this is the second time in the last month we have found ourselves in a hotel room with cartons of take-out food and nothing to eat them with! (One might wonder to oneself if a better thing to learn would be “HAVE PAUL LEARN/REMEMBER TO GET DISPOSABLE FLATWARE WHEN HE PICKS UP THE TAKE-OUT ORDER!” But that is the area where we are finding wisdom/serenity, while finding ANOTHER area to change what is in our power to change, which in this case is packing disposable flatware.)
Here is one thing we were glad we successfully learned from previous occasions:
• PACK COVID TESTS. Edward woke up the morning of drop-off with what was probably a combination of anxiety and allergies, but none of us could fathom dropping him off with potential Covid symptoms, even though the college has not done ONE SINGLE THING nor made ONE SINGLE MENTION of testing before arrival or being careful about such symptoms. We know the tests are no longer very accurate, and one single negative test is not conclusive, but it was nice to see it NOT turn positive. And even nicer that Edward felt much, much better after taking the test, and the symptoms almost entirely disappeared (and have not developed/increased/continued in the time since then).
Sending hugs and love.
I’m right there with you on so many of these, especially the open bedroom door! Should I just close it and pretend he is still here? I got such a fright in the middle of the night when I got up to use the bathroom and his door was open. Then there was all the food stuff akin to saving the last cheese stick, like saving “his” milk and not using the small plates he likes and starting to put aside some onion-less meatballs but then realizing I can now put onions in all the meatballs.
Well, this is not my first rodeo either so I also know with certainty that it will get better and quickly but it is not fun right now. And you have it times 2.
I don’t know why we allow children to grow up and leave us. Really it seems like very poor design.
I know, right? Can we speak to a manager about this?!
*passes the soft tissues and the carton of Mint Moose Tracks*
Sorry, I can’t remember- did they end up going to different colleges? If different – how did you coordinate getting both of them to their respective colleges? Was it much harder than when you only had one? Do you only take them the first year? I don’t remember a ton of move in stories year after year with Rob and William, but also could be forgetting!
I have the same questions!
They went to the same one, which made it easier schedule-wise. It felt harder to take two at once, but probably not TWICE as hard: it’s just, there are so many more things to miss!—but on the other hand, we get both over with at the same time! We take them each year (none of them have cars), but with Rob and William the drop-offs got easier each time—still a little sad, but easier (and sometimes with an element of relief, since once they get used to living independently they can get a little prickly about living at home with parents!).
Those first few weeks are so hard. The grieving period gets shorter each successive fall, thankfully, but it’s still there.
💓
Yes…I feel All of This so much. You spend so much of your existence taking care of these babies and then they are JUST GONE. A hole in my soul.
On the plastic cutlery front – I often travel for work and try to remember to pack it because it’s so frustrating to get DoorDash or whatever and realize you have nothing to eat it with (and some little salt packets). Some hotels have a stash of real silverware you can borrow – but be warned if you try to borrow so much as a fork from the stash they have at the Embassy Suites in Beachwood, Ohio you Will Be roundly fussed at by hotel staff and made to hand it back over (but the folks at the Drury Inn could not be more accommodating about such things AND they have free popcorn every evening: lovely).
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I had a little taste of this with just a one-week-away school trip situation.
This sounds much worse.
SENDING HUGS, HUGS, HUGS.
Sigh. Hate.
It’s no wonder you’re feeling heightened everything right now! Your children – who were babies yesterday – are out in the world! I feel this way to a lesser degree when my kids are just at a friend’s house. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to take them to college. You’re a great mom to be so thoughtful in packing and taking care of them, even from afar. I’m sure that makes them feel so loved and cared for.
It’s been a month and I’m still not entirely sure how to deal with the food situation (and only 1 of my kids went to college)! Oldest was our extremely reliable Leftover Eater and now the 1-2 servings of leftovers kind of…languish until I eat them for lunch or forcibly serve them for dinner again!