Tomorrow is the first day of December, which means even those of us who have been celebrating Tiny Secret Festive Season (TM Nicole, HI NICOLE) can begin to celebrate more largely and openly. Even I, with my feeling that Christmas begins when we WANT it to begin, feel happier wearing my Christmas earrings when the calendar says December and it’s time to open the first item in the Countdown-to-Christmas / Advent Calendar.
An aside: Do people who did not grow up Churchy Christian know the difference between Advent and Countdown-to-Christmas? This might be mildly interesting! Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas; so for example, this year Advent begins on… Oh. Wait. Christmas Day is on Sunday this year, and I can’t remember what happens in that case. Give me a second. Okay, so Advent began already, on Sunday November 27th, because Advent ends on Christmas Eve. So then you look at Christmas Eve and count back four Sundays to November 27th this time. Advent doesn’t line up with most advent calendars (generally they’re Countdown to Christmas calendars, which begin December 1st and end on Christmas Eve or Day), which makes some of us a little twitchy, but others of us have long since adjusted to the two different uses of the word Advent/advent. It’s like those Twelve Days of Christmas things that seem intended to be used like half a Countdown calendar, rather than as something you’d start on Christmas Day.
My family had an Advent candle thing, with a central candle to be lit on Christmas Eve, and four surrounding candles to be lit each Sunday of Advent. The church had one of these, too. Some denominations use a purple/pink/white color combination; my family and I think our churches always used red/white: red candles for the four Sundays, and white for Christmas Eve. I was looking at images online to jog my memory, and I see some arrangements don’t use a central candle; perhaps they don’t do the Christmas Eve one.
Anyway! It’s funny to grow up religious and thinking OTHER religions are full of weird things, and then NOT being religious anymore and realizing one’s OWN religion was JUST AS FULL of weird things! I liked the weird Advent candle thing. My childhood family used to make a paper chain with one link for each day of Advent, and each link had an activity written on the inside of it for each night of Advent: draw pictures of the nativity; look at family albums; decorate gingerbread houses; make Christmas cards for grandparents; sing Christmas carols—that kind of thing. We’d light that week’s Advent candle while we were doing the activity; if it were a LONG activity, we might not leave the candle lit the WHOLE time, since sometimes the first candle especially could get perilously low by the end of Advent.
I definitely use “advent” in the countdown-to-Christmas sense, but then I wasn’t brought up in any one religion (father lapsed Jew, mother non-practicing Presbyterian, plus some years of Catholic school).
I have a quilted hanging thing that shows a Christmas tree, with 24 pockets that each hold an ornament, so every day you put one on the tree; I got it out yesterday, and am looking forward to starting it tomorrow.
HI SWISTLE!!!
Yay for Tiny Secret Festive Season morphing into Full-On Festive Season! I grew up in a Lutheran household that went to church weekly, and the Advent wreath with candles was one of my favourite things. I haven’t set foot in a church in many years but the Christmas Eve candlelight service was always kind of magical.
It always makes me smile when people think 12 days of Christmas is a countdown. No! Advent is the countdown, 12 days goes until Epiphany (although my tree always goes down on New Year’s, I know many people who keep theirs up until then).
I have a PUZZLE advent calendar this year and I am SO excited. Each day is a small puzzle with DOGS in SANTA HATS.
Interesting, I did not know that about Advent. I was raised Quaker(ish) by parents who were raised Baptist(ish — you might not think it is possible to be Baptist-ish, and you might generally be right, but my grandfather was a professional musician one of whose gigs was church organist, and it is not clear to me that the family’s participation in the Baptist church where he played went beyond an interest in belonging and in his having a job) and Anglican, and, yeah, it was more about the “here are some rituals that we will broadly observe because we enjoy them and they provide a general structure,” than any deep religious commitment (and Quakers are anti-ritual, so there’s that).
For some reason I was always clear on what the 12 days involve, though. That may have derived from the Anglican side, which I think is at least marginally more committed to that part of the tradition. We always left our tree up until the 12th day (combining the pagan and the Christian, but hey), and generally still do (ditto on outside holiday lights).
As an adult, I enjoy the basic advent calendar and am pleased to report that my (now teenage, which is what makes this a bit surprising to me) son does too, so we use one, in a countdown way (that’s how they work, right?). I’ll admit I was a bit horrified to learn, which I did only as an adult that there are advent calendars that involve stuff and/or consumables (apologies to those who enjoy these, including Swistle), rather than just opening a cardboard door on a cardboard picture (we have enough stuff and consumables around without my wanting more during the Christmas season, though to be clear it is equally true that my teenage son wishes I were into the ones that involves candy!), and the cardboard-only ones are the sort we use. I got a nice one this year, with elves, and have already put it up and am enjoying walking past it.
Speaking of odd (to me!) traditions, I have a sibling who married into an Eastern European family and now lives “over there” (frighteningly close to Ukraine, I regret to report), and their seemingly widespread tradition is that on Christmas Eve, “baby Jesus puts up the Christmas tree,” while there is no one around. No kidding. Although it seemed odd to me in description, in practice this tradition worked nicely with small kids, as the times we were over there to celebrate, the moms and grandmas got charged with taking the kids to a Christmas pageant around 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve while the dads and granddads stayed home and — lo and behold! — upon returning from the pageant the tree was up and decorated. Even in the modern era the decorations include real, lit candles (and candy), so that’s terrifying (the candles, obviously, not the candy), but not to worry, everyone aware of how dangerous that is (i.e. the adults) drinks plenty of fruit brandy to help them relax. What could possibly go wrong? Aiyiyiyi.
This whole comment is AMAZING!
Interestingly, my mother’s family had a Catholic side and those grandparents put up the Christmas tree while the kids were out on Christmas Eve, and took it down (12 days later, ta da) on epiphany.
I am a practicing Congregationalist. We put our Advent wreath and the first decorations out last Saturday to be ready for Sunday, our tree will go up this weekend, my kids have an advent calendar that starts on the first (I am unbothered by this contradiction) and by epiphany I will have long since gotten sick of it all and packed it up. My husband’s background is loosely Eastern Orthodox, but (unlike Easter) on Christmas he’s perfectly happy to roll with my tradition.
My kid was singing “Deck the Halls” this morning with all the wrong lyrics and wanted to know the right ones, but I told her I cannot sing Christmas songs until December — LOL. Perhaps I am overly rigid; I just don’t want to get weary of Christmas stuff this early. (I am really enjoying reading about other people’s pre-December Christmas spirit though!)
I grew up in a semi-religious household, so I understand (loosely) what Advent is, but we didn’t have candles and I loved reading your explanation of them. I find the “advent calendar” stuff to be a teeny bit vexing, because “countdown to Christmas calendar” seems perfectly usable, if long. But I also love a good countdown calendar, so I’m behind them as A Thing, Now I have to remember to put out the countdown calendar(s) tomorrow so we can start December on a festive note!
Suzanne, Christmas carols are for me the one thing I am strict about not starting Too Soon – purely because I will get sick of them by Christmas :) There just aren’t ENOUGH of them! It gets too repetitive. I’m happy to look at my Christmas tree every day through mid-January, but the songs… we just need more of them, I suppose!
The Count Down to Christmas decoration and the stockings/mantle decorations go up on Dec. 1 every year (sometimes the mantle/stocking stuff go up a day or 2 early). Only because I hate to miss Opening Day for the Count Down. The one I use has 2 columns and starts with 1 in the upper left. I tried for several years to get my kids to start with 24 at the bottom right to no avail. So ours is not so much a “count down” as it is just a reminder of what that day’s date is. It’s fine. It’s FINE! I did sneakily use it to do math with the kids — “how many days until Christmas?” “Well, the count down is on 4 and Christmas is on the 25th so….?” big sigh from the child asking the question.
But, yeah. Kind of a design flaw in that Count Down decoration. I am weirdly sentimental about it now and don’t want to find something else.
Very lapsed Catholic here so I know all about the Advent wreath and candles. For a few years my childhood family had an Advent wreath/candles. I think we had them lit during dinner. My very Catholic Grandmother had one and she had all the candles in the wreath lit on Christmas. Hers and ours were the purple/pink/white combination.
This comment made me laugh because every year I have to do a little math to make sure I’m counting the “X days left until Christmas” correctly when I write in the kids’ activity envelopes. It never occurred to me that if I placed them backwards through the calendar, the math would be done for me! I’m afraid if I tried to change it now, my children would revolt.
The very tree-hugg-y, free-spirit, we-believe-in-fairies school I went to growing up also did the advent wreath, for reasons unclear to me. We gathered every Monday morning to light the candle and sing a song together. So I assumed until I was QUITE grown that it was a hippie thing, had no idea it was actually quite tied to religion!
It’s a safe bet we Christians co-opted a pagan winter solstice tradition with the Advent wreath. Especially with the songs, I bet your school wreath was at least loosely connected to solstice.
My vaguely Catholic father and scholastically Lutheran mother had me baptized Episcopalian. We had the advent wreath with purple/pink/white candles that we would light during dinner when I was young, and I remember being annoyed that they weren’t seasonally festive colors. We stopped doing it in the late 90s and went full secular Christmas.
Forgot to say, we switched to a countdown-to-Christmas fabric wall hanging with a little mouse that I recently discovered was Avon. It’s so delightfully kitsch! https://tinyurl.com/mryw22k2
And this one was my mom’s, only for grownup hands because she chose to hang it above a heater vent and kids kept dropping pieces down the vent. https://tinyurl.com/4atce5xk Now I’m the grown up. *sniffle*
We have the Avon Mouse calendar too!!’ We had 3 kids in my house, so when my mom had to decide to give to just one of us, I just found 2 more on EBay!
I vaguely remember about Advent from the Catholic school I went to from elementary through middle school. But we did not do Advent candles at home; nor did we do a countdown to Christmas so this was something our little family has never participated in. In fact, I think you were the one who first re-introduced me to the Advent/Christmas Countdown calendars.
I’m German and the Advent Calendar and Advent wreath are ubiquitous in Germany. Basically every family with kids that celebrates Christmas has an Advent calendar (regardless of religiosity) and they are only known under that name. Advent wreaths are also very common, not only among particularity religious folks. I guess people just like to light candles during the dark days. We had one on occasion in our non-religious household. 1st Advent is sort of the official start of the Christmas season (Adventszeit); many Christmas markets open around that time and last till Christmas Eve.
I got a wall-hanging Advent Calendar (the Countdown to Christmas kind because I am not religious but definitely into Seasons and the songs and lights of Christmas) from my brother in Germany and the little felt sacks don’t have candy, but things we like to do during the Christmas season: bake a certain cookie, buy an ornament, go for a Christmas lights drive, watch A Shop Around the Corner etc etc. What I love about this is that it eases my own Mom Creates Christmas Magic Labor – oh the advent says let’s bake cookies? Then everyone has to help! Tonight is a movie night? Well, we make time for that without me rounding the family up. I love the Advent so much that I’m very bitter I have a conference in another city the next 4 days and have said more than once “But I’m missing our Advent!!!” It’s the real Christmas magic to me.
Yes I really like the pagan/Scandi aspects of Christmas – bringing light and touch of magic on the darkest days is one of those things that works on any level really! We’re planning a Danish-themed Christmas dinner this year, with pork and crackling and pickled cabbage, as it’s just the 4 of us and my mother doesn’t get to be in charge for once ;)
I am not religious and had no clue about this!
I am one of the early decorating folks though. I think it’s fair game to start putting stuff up as soon as Nov. 12 – the day after Remembrance Day (Canada). But then again we do thanksgiving in October. I think if our thanksgiving was late November I couldn’t possibly start decorating until after that.
I am the least qualified person to respond to this because religion has never been a feature in my life or my parents, or even my grandparents. But I’m pretty sure it’s white and maybe red candles too in the Church of England. Do churches in the US have Christingle services too, or is that England specific? Even our very un-religious family have done the odd Christingle service on Christmas Eve, it’s a sweet gesture and I like the idea of introducing my kids to faith-related concepts without shoving it down their throats.
In case they *don’t* have Christingle in the US Christian churches, it’s an orange with red tape on, sweets stuck in and a candle pushed into the top. Which sounds… bonkers? But is supposed to represent the light of Christ bringing hope.
Anyway! We are countdown to Christmas people (plus my husband is half Jewish so 50% of his side of the family are unfussed about any of it). I forgot to buy him a calendar (in my defence he NEVER gets me one) but this year he has. So I guess I’m sharing?! We’ve had a dog 4 days and of course he has one. PRIORITIES.
I was raised by agnostics and I do know what Advent means and that it doesn’t start December 1 (except I guess occasionally it does). That aspect of Advent calendars alway irritated me a little, but how annoyed can you be at something that contains chocolate? Not very is my answer.
I was raised Catholic (I joke and say I was born an atheist) and attended Catholic schools. I certainly remember Advent as a Thing. And of course the candles (purple and white as I recall). But honestly, I don’t really recall the exact point of Advent. Catholics can be a bit weird in my experience – there is a lot of emphasis on ritual, but often a lack of in-depth coverage of why anything is significant. It’s just What Is Done. Similarly, don’t ask me anything about The Bible. I don’t know. A passage here and there for the readings in Mass, but let’s not focus on that, we’re too busy switching between kneeling and standing at warp speed. So much of Mass is rote ritual that even though I haven’t been to Mass in probably 20 years, I could easily find that muscle memory.
I do recall making Advent wreathes at home sometimes, but I think that was because I liked craft projects. My mom is Very Catholic in many ways but observance of Advent didn’t seem high on her Catholic priorities. The years I made one she would light the candles the first week or two, but as December went on it was just a fire hazard or taking up space and shedding pine needles on the kitchen table and my dad probably threw it out.
I do enjoy these anecdotes of other cultures’ holiday traditions!
I love your description of Catholicism as a similarly lapsed person. The muscle memory does work BUT they changed a couple of things that will throw you. Like the “peace be with you” response is now “and with your spirit”? Idk what that’s about. And I feel an extra kneel was added or removed. I’ve been to a few funerals lately and I am good, good, wait, what WAS that?
Ha. The descriptions of Catholic rituals ring true to me, also a former Catholic. Although I had plenty of religious education as a child, I never got many answer to my Why questions about mass and traditions. I guess that’s why it didn’t stick. I always did love the rituals of Christmas at church, including the pretty Advent candles.
I’m a UU and this comment thread made me remember 1) I have a godmother somewhere and 2) she sent me an advent calendar once when I was in elementary school. It had chocolate in it. It was delicious. My mom probably gave up trying to manage what time/day the little doors were opened since neither of us were clear about advent/Advent. Thank you for unlocking this memory!
The progressive Christian church we attended when I was a child used pink/purple/white candles for Advent. The pink was something something Mary related? Maybe? Red was only used for Pentecost at that church. We only do secular Christmas now, so it’s no longer Advent in our house.