The grocery store has been alarming me again. Today half a dozen things on my list weren’t there, and some of them have been ongoing not-theres: the grocery store has been low on bread (variety and quantity) for weeks; they’ve been patchy on half-and-half and light cream for weeks; they’ve had lots of paper towels and facial tissue but extremely limited variety (like, today you could buy a 6-pack of store-brand paper towels, and that one pack/brand option lined allll the shelves, with the exception of a few packs of one brand name, plus a few two-packs of the store brand); they’ve been extremely limited on granola bar variety.
We’re fully back into the times of having one or two things spread out to artificially fill the shelves that are supposed to hold dozens of things. I am fully back to reminding myself that THERE IS PLENTY OF FOOD IN THIS STORE, even if I can’t get the exact things I want. Like, it is REALLY OKAY that I can’t find my preferred brand and fat-level of dairy to put in my coffee; it is REALLY OKAY that I can’t find my preferred brand and flavor of ice cream; it is REALLY OKAY that I can’t find my preferred brand and type of bread. All of these things are REALLY REALLY OKAY, they just don’t FEEL okay without a little mental management.
Paul and I are recently back from a several-day trip to a big city. The kids are old enough to leave on their own (especially with my supremely competent neighborhood friend on-call Just In Case), and we were only a couple of hours away if something HAD gone amiss. It was fun to be tourists in a city we’ve previously gone to only for medical stuff. But it did remind me that I don’t like cities.
I DO like certain things about cities. I like the way everything is RIGHT THERE: you don’t have to drive 45 minutes for a small art museum and 45 minutes in the opposite direction for a small theater and 45 minutes in yet another direction for a historical site: the big art museum and the big theater and the historical sites and a bunch of other things plus a ton of shopping/food options are all within walking distance.
I don’t like how busy and crowded everything is in a city, and how loud. I don’t like how much CONSTANT HONKING there is. I don’t like how packed-in everything feels: I had intended to do a little shopping, but every single store seemed tiny and cramped and with about enough room for half a dozen shoppers as long as they were all on physically affectionate terms. I don’t like how EXPENSIVE everything is. I don’t like how very often I encounter puddles/piles of things I rarely if ever encounter on the streets/sidewalks in my small town.
There’s another thing I don’t like about cities, and I have been thinking of how to describe it, because the descriptor that first came to mind involved the word “parasitic,” and that’s not nice. But it’s the way everything we encountered seemed designed to squeeeeeeeeze money. We would take a tour, and the tour guide would use various types of manipulative patter to pressure us for tips. We would walk down the street and be approached by someone who would say weird and/or flattering things and then turn to the real point, which was to ask for money; and we are not city-born or city-raised, so neither of us knew what we were supposed to do about that, or how to avoid it. We would look at a city-map board, and someone would come up to us and try to help us, and we would accept the help politely even though we didn’t want it or need it—and then they would ask for money. There were gift shops everywhere, including at the LIBRARY. It was disheartening.
I didn’t actually mind the people performing (musicians, mostly, but also a woman painted to look like a statue), or the endless food/souvenir carts, or the gift shops, because it was low-pressure, money-wise, and felt like it added ambiance—but after a few days, even that started wearing on me. So much HUSTLE, so much ATTEMPTING TO SUCK MONEY OUT OF EVERY ENCOUNTERED PERSON, so many MONEY-MAKING IDEAS. So many $6 bottles of water! So many t-shirts with the city name on them, exactly the same as the ones being sold on the previous block and the next block! So many people offering rides and tours and merchandise and novelties! So much STRIVING for MONEY. I started feeling like a walking wallet, a potential mark; it started feeling as if the only reason anyone would interact with another human being was to achieve a financial transfer.
The city thing is funny. I was raised near Boston – close enough that in HS I was allowed to go with friends on the T to downtown alone and I loved it. I would live there in a heartbeat if I could get a job there and afford it (neither of these things is realistic). H was raised in the country – I mean like his family had 8 acres because when they moved there no one really lived in the town. He does ok in cities but doesn’t really love them. My kids have both been raised in the burbs nearish to the biggest city in our state (which is really not that big for a city TBH) but the youths don’t really go into the city for entertainment – that centers much more around hip/arty neighborhoods. Oldest wants nothing to do with cities for the most part. He chose to go college in a small college town and will probably live no closer than the burbs t any city for most of his life if he can help it. Youngest, OTOH fell in love with high rises, busy neighborhoods, loud noises, and crowds when we stayed in the downtown urban area of a bigger city in another place. She can’t wait to live in a big, loud city. We didn’t really do anything different with the kids and it’s funny that they feel so differently.
It’s funny, I agree with your assessment of cities in many ways. When I lived in New York, I haaaaated midtown. So much honking and crowds (and tourists walking slowly and aimlessly when there are LANES, people, LANES of foot traffic!). But I loved the neighborhood I lived in. And I live in Philadelphia now and love my neighborhood, and the fact that I can walk to work and my kids’ school and just hop on the bus to have drinks with friends. There is none of the grift feeling, just people walking their dogs and saying hi to each other.
That is how I feel in Chicago! We are in the city but nowhere near downtown. I know so many people in my building/neighborhood and live near 3 bus lines and a train line so I can get anywhere. Neither my husband or I has to drive to work (I walk, he takes the train). I couldn’t imagine living near the touristy areas of Chicago but the neighborhood life is great. Just walked my daughter to school and ran into a bunch of friends on the way which is always a nice way to start your morning.
It’s very true! I only recently moved away from NYC and there used to be guys dressed as monks who would come up to you and try to give you a bracelet. And then of course ask for money. I saw so many people stop for them because they didn’t know the game. I treated everyone suspiciously and have a hard time breaking that habit now, though TBH the only people who have approached me in my new city have also been asking for money so my suspicion is not unwarranted!
Anyway, cities are A LOT. The only things I miss are some of my coworkers and being able to walk to local shops.
A couple of weeks ago I couldn’t find whole-wheat bread in the grocery store, which is WEIRD.
YES, this is what I have been having trouble finding!!
I grew up in NYC and live near DC, and my experience of cities is that in the tourist areas, it’s hustle hustle hustle, but in the neighborhoods it’s much more mellow. Yes, there are still homeless folks begging outside the groceries and bodegas, and I buy food for them.
If you visit NYC, check out the Brooklyn Museum, and the Botanical Garden next door to it. They are much less touristy, so they don’t have as many hustlers around them.
Get the map of the city downloaded to your phone, so that you’re not looking at the wall maps. And wear a lot of black.
I was going to say that too, tourist areas vs. real neighborhoods. Air BnB is problematic in a lot of ways but the big benefit is seeing how the locals live and not dealing with the tourist traps.
Whoa, leaving the kids home alone while you go on a trip! That’s an exciting milestone in parenting. I am excited to dream of such things! When our family goes to Chicago, I enjoy the sights/culture/foods. Yet, seeing so many homeless and panhandlers weighs on me and my explanations to the kids never seem right, e.g. yes, people are in need; they have complex problems; we sometimes offer help, but we can’t do everything for everyone we see.
Swistle, we are having an EGG shortage at my grocery store. It seems to maybe just be with the store-branded eggs? But they are posting those shortage signs that were so ubiquitous during the height of 2020, and I hate it. It makes me so stressed out. (Also, I hear there is a BUTTER shortage? There is certainly a butter shortage in my house, so I am trying to fix that one $8 (!!!!!) box of butter at a time each time I go to the store.)
I am with you when it comes to cities. For me, the disadvantages and discomforts outweigh the advantages. I went into our very small, very manageable city once this summer and a) I got all turned around and parked in the wrong parking lot and then b) had to walk several extra blocks to my destination, which should have been fine, but c) I kept getting accosted by people — some homeless people who wanted money, which I try to carry in my pockets rather than my purse so I can hand it out easily, but also by multiple people who were trying to sell things? To get my attention, they would call out something about me, like, “Oh hey, lady in green!” or “She’s walking like she has a purpose today!” which, yes, my purpose is to get past you as swiftly as possible. UGH.
I think the egg shortages are related to the bird flu outbreak a little bit ago, hopefully as more birds mature they will be back to full steam.
For butter- if you have an aldi near you they have butter on sale. At my store it was around $2.50 for the pound with a limit of six.
Oooh thank you!
I DO NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF EGG SHORTAGES AGAIN, SUZANNE. Egg shortages make me JUMPY. I had noticed our usual egg brand went up a dollar or so, and sometimes they’re out of it.
I have heard about the butter situation and have been keeping a nervous eye on it. So far the store-brand butter has gone up to $4/pound, from more like $3/pound, and I notice butter hasn’t been on sale for ages; but we’re not yet to the $8/pound level I’ve been hearing about. But: I remember when I heard about the sriracha shortage, and then I went to my store and there was AMPLE sriracha, and I felt very silly buying several bottles—and then a few trips later, the sriracha was GONE, AND NOT SEEN SINCE. So I have been squirreling away extra boxes of butter in the freezer, just in case.
Butter always goes on half price sale before the holidays. It freezes great so stock up when you see it.
Swistle, would it be ok to ask for some non-specific specifics about the kind of place you live? Like, no names, no details that could identify, but a more specific sense of how it all works? Because as a Brit it’s all pretty alien to me (I lived in LA for a couple of years and now my husband’s family are just outside DC but basically my first-hand knowledge between coasts is patchy!)
So you’re in a small town? Is it near a bigger city, or like totally remote and to get to big box stores etc would be an hour-plus drive? Or is it more suburby? Can the kids walk to school or is everything a drive? Sorry if this sounds mega weird! I like to be able to picture things when I read your words.
For what it’s worth, I live on the very edge of the second biggest city in the UK, but it’s actually semi-rural – sheep, country lanes, village school a 5-minute walk away. But only 25 minutes by train to the city centre. We have a post office/village store, a lovely cafe, a deli, a butcher, a wine shop and WAY TOO MANY hairdressers in our village. But no gas station and no atm. My kids will go to high school in the next town along, which is a mile or two away.
Yes, we’re in a smallish town, big enough to have its own school system; from our old house, the kids had to take the bus to school, but from our new house they can walk (it’s about a 20-minute walk). We’re within reasonable driving distance (like, 15-20 minutes) of places like Walmart and Target; if we want a mall, or a place like Cosco (bulk/discount shopping), or a hospital, or a major car dealership, it’s more like 40 minutes away to the nearest Reasonable City. Our town has two grocery stores, a few cafés, a few pharmacies, a post office, a liquor store, a bank with ATM, a few gas stations, and more barber shops than I can believe we are able to support!
Thank you! That’s so interesting.
But, did you have a good time on your trip. Did you see or do anything fun? How was the tour (absent the leader trying to get more money) There are always good things and bad things happening, but I would love to hear about your trip, what good things happened, how the food was, how your weather was, you know, like a trip report. :)
I wonder if what you don’t like is being a tourist in a city, rather than not liking cities themselves. I wish I could invite you to come stay with me in my city! Our neighborhood is like a small town in the friendliness and helpfulness dept., but feels much safer and more welcoming to me as a queer person than the town I grew up in, and then just outside my neighborhood there is so much to see and explore. I don’t like being a tourist in a strange city myself for some of the reasons you mentioned….I will admit to looooooving the extra space and size in suburban grocery stores!
I’ll so say that as far as striving for money goes – those folks working those hustles do NEED money, you are right in picking up on their intensity. It is a little hurtful to think of resourced people coming in from the outside of a community and feeling put out and judging a city after encountering people in poverty, to put it bluntly. Esp when the outsiders are shielded from encountering it in their day to day life because of bad public policy.
This self-righteous little dig Dana is taking at Swistle really bothers me. I lived in a big city for years and years, and I never liked being approached and asked for money, and that is no indication of a lack of understanding or sympathy. One can fault all the systems failing these desperate people, one can use one’s own resources and votes to try to make things better for them—as Swistle does—and can still dislike being harassed for money on the street. Calling anyone a “shielded” “resourced” “outsider” for feeling this way is disingenuous.
It wasn’t meant to be a dig. It does hurt to hear rural and suburban residents talk about how much they hate the city when many of the financial issues in cities are the result of people with means moving to communities that are inaccessible to low income residents. I am glad swistle had such a caring and protective SIL!
*has such a caring and protective SIL!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flop_(basketball)
This is interesting to me. I don’t know which city you’re referring to, obviously, but I guess a bit tourist destination? Because here in Canada cities are similarly loud and gross and dirty, but I don’t really relate to the people on the street asking for money (other than panhandlers, which I don’t begrudge and I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about here). The only place I’ve experienced the unasked -for help and then the money ask is in Morocco. I’m getting more and more driving-in-busy-situations averse, though. Where I live isn’t very big cityish and I don’t even like driving around the dinner, ‘rush’ hour here anymore.