We are home from the hospital and have been since Wednesday afternoon. I feel as if I have barely stopped moving since then. There was one day when I got to bedtime and realized I had NOT PLAYED ANY OF MY PHONE GAMES ALL DAY; I had to hurry and log into each of them, just to avoid losing my streaks. Paul and Elizabeth and Henry kept up with dishes and so forth while I was gone, it’s not like I came home to a big mess—but there are a million little things that accumulate surprisingly quickly: the dish mat needed cleaning, and the toothbrush cups needed to go through the dishwasher, and the flowers needed fresh water, and the clock needed winding, and there was laundry and grocery shopping and bill-paying to be done. That’s not a very impressive list; I don’t know why it’s been keeping me so busy. I think part of it is that thing where once my Feeling Busy detectors get triggered by a certain level of responsibilities (giving Edward his antibiotic three times a day; monitoring his incision and putting more ointment on it; making sure he’s catching up on his schoolwork; asking my boss for yet another day off to take him to his follow-up appointment next week), any additional responsibilities, even normal/small ones, tip me over the edge into Overwhelmed. And when I’m Overwhelmed, I see Overwhelming Tasks EVERYWHERE. Obviously the toothbrush cups can wait another day, but IT FEELS LIKE THEY CANNOT.
I had a blood donation appointment on Thursday. I’d been sulking/abstaining, because of how EXTREMELY LONG the Red Cross keeps me waiting past my appointment time—and they are ONLY doing appointments right now, so this is not an issue of needing to figure out how to incorporate walk-ins: they are DELIBERATELY AND KNOWINGLY overbooking. The last time I donated, I sat in the waiting area breathing air unnecessarily with strangers for well over an hour past my appointment time; and, while I did that, THREE donors had to leave because they couldn’t wait any longer / had to go pick up kids from school / etc. One of them said he lived right in the neighborhood and asked if he could run home to meet the bus and then come back, and the Red Cross person told him no, if he left his appointment would be canceled.
So it has been A BIT RICH to see all these many, many articles recently about how the Red Cross is DESPERATE for donations, it’s an EMERGENCY. I feel as if change, in this case, should come from within. Let’s not START by nagging donors; let’s instead schedule appointments in a way that makes sense, and not overbook the drives, and KEEP the regular donors we have rather than losing them in droves and then having to harangue them to get them back. I said so online (am I new here), and got a lot of people Explaining to me that a lot of workers have been out sick. Oh, yes, thank you for the news. But this has been going on since LONG before the pandemic, and at MULTIPLE locations, so I believe this to be systemic rather than fleeting/coincidental. (Someone else informed me that SHE has never had to wait longer than 5 minutes. Oh…….good…….?)
Also, it is hardly new to have the Red Cross claiming that there is an emergency. EVERY email I get from them claims there is currently an unprecedented and urgent need for blood.
Anyway, finally I succumbed to the barrage (and the story on NPR) and was like “FINE I WILL DONATE BLOOD, IF IT’S SO URGENT.” I couldn’t get an appointment for weeks, and only at a place half an hour away, which, again, if it is so urgent, CAN SOMETHING BE DONE ABOUT THAT. The happy thing was that at this location, maybe it was a fluke, but I was seen as soon as I got there, and was out of there half an hour afterward. But with the hour of driving, the whole thing still took about as long as when I have to wait for an hour—though, true, I was not breathing air with strangers for that hour, but was instead driving along listening to music and enlarging my carbon footprint.
Well. It is good to be home. Edward can’t shower for two weeks after the surgery, but we are already a week and a half into that time. His HAIR is the main issue, because the important thing is to avoid getting any water or dry shampoo or anything else on his incision, which is about an inch below his hairline. In the hospital they gave us an interesting “shampoo cap,” which was like a microwaveable shower cap lined with soapy no-rinse shampoo—but it didn’t actually work. Or rather, it might have made his hair cleaner, but his hair didn’t LOOK any cleaner. And it was still really difficult to avoid getting anything on the incision. Today I might try bandaging it up and putting plastic over it (but it’s hard to tape it securely, because of his hair) and then washing his hair in the sink.
[Edited to add: The comments section seems to be getting derailed on the topic of How Often People Shower. I hope we can all agree to agree, whatever our own personal bathing philosophies / skin issues / avoidance of consumerism / etc., that for a TEENAGED BOY, two weeks without a shower is NOT GOOD.]
I’m glad you’re finally home, coming-home-stress and all.
You’re home, yay!
First: I would also be Overwhelmed by Things I Need To Do. This resonates so much. Yes, emptying the Roomba could wait, but no, it feels like it cannot.
TWO WEEKS without a shower, whoa, that feels like a lot. Especially for a teen boy. Here is something that I think might entertain you: I listen to a podcast that is literally three or four women just chatting; it’s a soothing, you-don’t-need-to-pay-attention kind of podcast that goes through super unimportant things (what’s in your purse, what lipstick do you like) that I love so much. Anyway, one of the women was talking about how she hates showering and only does when she has to, like every 3-4 days. Days! And her husband showers TWICE A DAY and I can’t help but wonder what their life is like, together. If my husband showered only once every 3-4 days, I think it would end in divorce.
Anyhoo, glad you’re home, and the Red Cross thing! I mean. Sure, people get sick BUT ALSO, LET’S NOT OVERBOOK. I am just imagining the guy saying he needed to meet his kid’s bus and then getting crossed off the list. Just, why.
What is the name of the podcast? I might like a rambling, no important topics podcast.
It’s called You Can Sit With Us and it’s just light and fun. Enjoy!
Since, you know, *gestures wildly* I only shower once every 3 or 4 days. I sincerely think the body adjusts its various things. It used to be my hair was GREASY on day 2 and now, it’s day 4. In the summer I tend to shower (or at least get fully submerged) more often but in the winter, it’s fine. We as a society have a tendency to be at extremes. Twice daily showering seems one (I imagine his skin is currently hyper dry OR oily to compensate for all that washing) . And if you attempt to go from there to showering every other day, say, there would definitely be an adjustment period where all things would be out of whack. But then you’d adjust and it’s fine.
If I showered twice a day, my hair would never dry.
Having said all that. Two weeks of no showering/hairwashing after being in a hospital and having procedures sounds icky and uncomfortable.
Also, glad you are home Swistle. I hope it’s smooth sailing in this department for a while at least.
Whoops, I hope I didn’t come off as judgmental. I just thought it was interesting because the two people were so different in their showering. I am a daily shower-er, but I don’t wash my hair every time I shower. That’s every 2-3 days and I agree, there is definitely an adjustment period in there. The body gets used to anything, probably!
No offense taken, an anecdote given. I think many might have your reaction, that whole “daily shower/wash your face” idea is so ingrained in us (USAians at least) through ads and pop culture. I swore for YEARS that daily hair washing was a must for my hair. Turns out, not really. Same with how my skin got less pimply and less oily when I started washing less frequently. Results may not be typical.
I’ve gone on a big “companies want to sell you things and as much of those things as possible, what would happen if I scaled back a little? A lot? Entirely?” Kick. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s given me something to do while, well, you know.
I also do not shower daily, especially in the winter. In the summer I shower every 2nd or 3rd day and in the winter I generally shower twice a week. This is partly out of laziness, partly because I do not like getting wet, and partly because I don’t see any reason to pay for products and use water that I don’t really need. Your body really does adjust, and I can say confidently that I do not look or smell like I haven’t showered in 3 days.
I’m not a very good “consumer” and do not contribute my fair share to the economy in that way. I am absolutely tuned in to the trickery companies use to sell their products in ways that can be so cunning and so subtle that most people don’t even realize. (Just one example – start noticing how often you’re told, either explicitly or by implication, that you DESERVE to have or be something)
Laura S. “I am absolutely tuned in to the trickery companies use to sell their products in ways that can be so cunning and so subtle that most people don’t even realize.” YES! What immediately sprang to my mind was the idea that you need a new, extra-sharp razor and shaving cream or gel every time you shave. I am here to tell you that the reason you need the cream or gel is that the brand new razor is TOO SHARP and it takes off a layer of skin. Take it from someone who dry-shaves their armpits over the sink before showering: the only time I get any sort of irritation is when the razor is brand new. I have to stroke very gently and carefully with a new razor, and it becomes maximally good to use after a month or so of shaving 2-3 times a week and dulls a little bit. One disposable 3-blade razor lasts me over 6 months – I keep using it until it get too dull to cut my hair.
I know that this isn’t for everyone – my hair is straight and quite fine and some people are far more prone to ingrown hairs and razor burn – but I would bet good money that there are people who’d be just fine with my regimen that have been brainwashed by ads about what you’re “supposed” to do that, of course, means buying WAY more products.
I’ve gotta admit, I shower every 2-3 days unless I’m working out or doing something sooner that gets me uncharacteristically dirty or sweaty or stinky. Any more than that completely dries out my skin.
I would shower more in the summer, but we have a pool so I probably get under the shower and soap up at about the same frequency, but I end up in the pool at some point pretty much every day.
Hooray! I’m so glad you’re home, although I would vote for a mandatory week of reentry time during which the home crew continues to be in charge of the home and your sole responsibility is the patient. On the blood donation front, if you are eligible to do it, I heartily recommend volunteering to donate double reds. Back before my own blood tried to kill me (http://emptynestfeathers.blogspot.com/2017/04/this-is-what-happened-part-1.html) I was on the double red list and it didn’t matter how long the line was, I immediately was ushered to the front. Took the same amount of time for actual donation, and I was out in no time. Now my blood-taming drugs prevent me from donating at all, and I sincerely regret this.
In total agreement with you re: blood donation. Last year I donated blood –or should I say I went to donate blood — and after waiting an hour (so poorly organized) , 4 people tried and could not get a line started so I left. I felt bad but I also feel like you are blood drawing PROFESSIONALS, it shouldn’t take 4 people. I went to the same blood drive this year and again, the hour wait, and this time it only took 3 people to get the line started. I drank a ton of water before which is supposed to help but created a whole other problem for me!
This makes me really appreciate the Blood Connection, my local blood donation people. They have a ‘do not contact’ options, which means they never hassle me and I’ve never had a crazy wait. It definitely sounds like your local Red Cross could be run better.
My husband was a semi regular donated until the last time he donated. The worker kept trying and trying and trying to poke him (he has good veins, has never had an issue before) and finally said “well, this is good enough.” After being repeatedly jabbed (which he said HURT), they weren’t even able to get enough blood for a donation. He wound up with huge bruises all over his arm the next day. We figure the person working on him had no idea what they were doing because he’s never had an issue with his veins. After that experience, I’m not sure when he’ll donate again. I would be beyond frustrated by the wait. They should do everything they can to make it as easy as possible. (I can’t donate due to super low blood pressure but am thankful for those who do!)
This is what happened to me the last time too: I left in tears and it was a blood drive AT WORK. I have tried 3 times to donate blood in my life, once at 17 (they couldn’t get a good stick and there was blood dripping out of my arm); once around 12 years ago, maybe, they couldn’t find a vein; and the above described situation where they finally stuck me but then things slowed down and had to just give up. Very, very discouraging. I can have blood drawn in a clinic or hospital with zero issue.
Swistle, I am so pleased to hear you are home. I know just the feeling you describe. Hopefully it subsides soon. I hope everyone is doing reasonably well.
I am a regular blood donor, and I will say it is harder than an office blood draw. The needle is bigger, to allow for a reasonable flow, which also means it is harder to get in my small veins. I have learned to make sure I am absolutely fully hydrated before a donation. And then about half the time they have to sit next to me and thump on the tube. My blood wants to clot and eventually will do so even with them thumping. Last time I barely made it to the donation minimum even with all the thumping, and when she pulled it out the blood clot was like a little worm coming out of my arm. (Gross, but cool.) That never happens to me when they just need a few vials of blood.
After reading all this, I’m also feeling grateful to One Blood, my local organization. There are always plenty of appointment times near by, often same day. The one nearest me deliberately only has one person in the waiting room and two people donating at a time right now. I have never waited at all with an appointment. I walk in check in, and one of the two phlebologists takes me back. It feels like enough of a sacrifice to take time out of my day and get poked with a needle. I can’t see waiting in line for the privilege.
I have fainted by association at the thought of a clot coming out of your arm.
So glad y’all are HOME!
The shower/hair washing issue is a stumper, for sure. This is probably too simplistic (in fact, I’m SURE it is – but it’s the first thought I had so…) but I wonder if a liquid bandage would keep the incision dry enough during a over the sink shampoo?
Can we have a round-up of your favorite phone games? Mine is Best Fiends, but I might be in the market for a new obsession until this baby can feed himself…
YES.
So, I don’t know if it is my FAVORITE, but it is the one that comes first to mind, is Love Nikki Dress Up Queen. I would never, never, never have had the patience to figure this game out if Elizabeth, long ago, hadn’t also installed it on her phone, and then talked me through the hard parts. But I’ve been playing it for YEARS, now that I (mostly) understand it, and I consider myself DEDICATED to it. Elizabeth stopped playing several years ago, so I also play HER account. I cannot explain why it appeals, but I will say that I like the COLLECTING aspect and dislike the actual fashion aspect: i.e., I don’t care about dressing the doll, but I like to collect the clothings. I would probably not try to play this if I were you, unless you know a child who can play it first and then teach it to you.
Then: the Candy Crushes. My top favorite is Candy Crush Soda. My second favorite is plain regular Candy Crush. My third favorite is Candy Crush Jelly, which I used to play only if I was out of lives on the other Candy Crushes but still felt like playing—until they added some sort of TEAM situation, where you’re matched with two other players and you see if together you can beat enough levels to get prizes. Now I play that one more, too. (I gave up on Candy Crush Friends; it never caught me the way the others did.)
My favorite, and ONLY phone game is Redecor. You decorate pre-drawn rooms with paint colors, flooring, textiles, etc. The drawing provides the furniture & architecture, you just fill in the finishes. Then the community votes on the various designs and you win money and additional materials based on your placement in the voting. It is not super competitive and there is no time limit when you start to decorate a room, so I find it very meditative and creative. I have been playing it for years.
So glad you’re HOME!!! Do you have Vitalant blood centers near you? I am a consistent donor and I always book at their locations. So easy, timely, kind. Just thought I’d share in in case you’re up for a different place!
I’m so glad you’re home! I know that whenever I’m going through or have been through a situation in which I have reduced control over my circumstances/outcomes I have a deep need to tidy my house. It took me until my 30s to realize that I was doing this in reaction to feeling a loss of control – like I must exert control immediately over something basic. What I’m getting at is that if I’d just spent several days in the hospital with my child I would be virtually incapable of not tidying my house when I got home so I totally get the need to deal with the toothpaste cup immediately.
Also as the mother of a nearly 19 YO boy I don’t even want to think about what the situation would be if he didn’t shower for two weeks. Yikes.
Yay for being home! There’s always a mental recovery period after a stressful situation that makes me feel extra busy, I suppose it’s an in-my-head kind of busyness that makes life feel extra full. Hope you get some rest and a break from busy-ness!
THE BLOOD DONATION SITUATION. I feel very strongly about donation given my kid with leukemia, but you are SO SPOT ON with how this is all run. If you’re telling me we’re at our MOST CRITICAL NEED EVER IN HISTORRRRRYYYYYY!!!!! why can’t I book an appointment for the next 12 weeks? And once I get there why have you not figured out how much time appointments take? It’s handled exactly like a walk-in clinic still for some reason, oh hey whoops it’s busy today, that will be 1 hour of waiting! It drives me BANANAS. If this is so critical and so lifesaving (which obviously I know it is! My own child has received this life-saving blood!) make it easier for people to help you!!
And also stop with all the stupid “if you’ve ever had sex with a man we don’t want your blood” junk already.
Working the medical lab field, I can tell you that there is indeed an unprecedented shortage of blood at the moment. The stock is sparse at the hospitals, and blood is being rationed to only the most urgent needs in many places. I assume that wait times are due to another critical shortage — phlebotomists. Phlebotomists are severely underpaid, so it’s hard to keep staff, especially in the current economy. With significant turnover in the last two years, I suspect the phlebotomists they currently have are less experienced and thus less skilled than usual, making it difficult for them to keep up. The scheduling system may not be accounting for the reduced speed of the current staff. Now, one would think this should prompt the donor centers to raise pay for phlebotomists, but we all know that’s not going to happen.
The medical laboratory system as a whole in this country is on the brink of collapse with insane volumes of covid testing, burn-out, decades is disinvestment in training students, and wages that are not competitive with other health care professions with similar education requirements. I love my profession, but we’ve certainly dug ourselves a deep hole.
Amy, this is both eye opening and super depressing. Thanks for explaining though. I prefer some kind of explanation to just feeling at loose ends!
The last time I went to donate blood (actually platelets, because I am special), they kept me waiting an hour and then blew out the veins in both arms and then blamed me for it.
I haven’t been back and it’s been years (5 years? More?). But now I feel guilty about not going.