Four days before Christmas, I went to pick up Rob at college. Traffic was fabulous: clear and easy. The highway rest-stops all had signs up saying that masks were required regardless of vaccination status. Maybe one-third to one-half of the people inside were wearing masks; this included employees. I used the bathrooms quickly, and ate meals in my car.
The motel I stayed in was one I’ve stayed in before. In the past it has seemed shabby, but in a friendly, homey, comforting, CLEAN sort of way. This time it was actively dirty. I freely admit that I should have gone back to reception and asked for a different room. But this is where I got stuck: NO ONE would have thought this room was acceptably clean—and yet, it was not Uncleaned. That is, this was not a situation where I accidentally got a room that had not yet been turned over by Housekeeping, and the motel would be very embarrassed by the mistake, and I would immediately be given a new room. No: Housekeeping had been there. The accumulated dirt on the phone and TV remote and floor and inside of the door were not from just the last guest, or even the last few guests; the shower was too dirty to use but it was not dirt from just the most recent guest; the upper lock had been ripped off the door, which is a serious security issue and yet no one had replaced it. The hallway was also dirty/unvacuumed. So I felt stuck: NO ONE would think this room was okay, and so they had left it this way knowingly, and so I did not have hope that a different room would be cleaner. It was not a matter of “giving them a chance to make it right”: this room was indicative of a systemic and long-term issue.
Instead I used the disinfecting wipes/spray I now bring with me to motels, and I sprayed/wiped/cleaned anything I would need to touch: switchplates, faucets, toilet seats, TV remote, door handles, locks. I skipped a shower. Afterward I left a detailed, concerned review, mentioning the way the motel used to be and comparing it with the way it was this time. I took notes in the little Motel Notebook I keep in my Travel Purse, so I would not forget which motel this was, because I will not stay there again. (I have had a response to my feedback: they are so sorry about my experience; they hope I will pay to come stay with them again so they can restore their good reputation; they do not give any refund or any reason for me to expect that anything would be different next time—just the hope that I will once again risk it.)
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Two days before Christmas, I had a dentist appointment to fill what I assumed was a tiny starter cavity: I’d had x-rays at my appointment 6 months before that hadn’t caught it, and those developed-since-the-last-appointment cavities are generally little 10-minute fixes that make me grateful for modern dentistry: a tiny quick easy fix because they’ve caught it so early. Sometimes the dentist doesn’t even recommend Novocaine, because the cavity is so tiny and shallow and will be so quick to take care of.
This was the first time I’d seen this particular dentist, and I only saw her because of a mix-up: my check-up was accidentally scheduled for a day my usual dentist wasn’t in, so this dentist saw me instead; since she was the one who spotted the cavity, I was scheduled with her for the filling, too. She gave me the Novacaine shot, then started drilling immediately, which I am not used to: my usual dentist does the shot and then either chats with me for awhile or else leaves to go do an exam on another patient, to give the Novocaine time to work. This was the first time I’ve had to use the “raise your left hand if you need me to stop” gesture; the pain was so bad it made me gag. She gave me a second shot of Novocaine, and then waited a couple of minutes, and then drilled for well over half an hour: Rob was there for a 45-minute cleaning and check-up that began at the same time as my appointment, and I heard him finishing up and leaving and the dentist was still drilling my tooth. Then she said the drilling was done and they were going to take a little break, and she and the assistant left for 5-10 minutes. I am not used to that happening, either. Why did they leave?
Here was what I was thinking, as I lay in the dentist chair by myself, trying not to let my tongue over-investigate the trench in my tooth, which involved two surfaces: what does a dentist do if they make kind of a big mistake on someone’s tiny cavity, so that it turns into a giant filling? Do they say “Oops, I made a mistake, I’m so sorry about accidentally removing way too much of your tooth, please do not sue me!” Or do they carry on as if everything is fine/normal, and do the best they can to patch up the damage, and maybe consult with the assistant midway through? Mistakes MUST happen, and yet I don’t think I have ever heard a story about a dentist volunteering information about a mistake to a patient, so do feel free to share if you have such a story. (I am remembering long ago when a dentist was working on a filling in one of my teeth and the drill bit came flying off into my mouth while he was working, and the dentist swore and the assistant made a startled noise, but no one said anything about anything going wrong. And then, coincidentally and unrelated to that, it turned out that same tooth he was working on was badly cracked, and I had to go back a few days later to have that fresh filling removed and a crown put on. I told that story to my next dentist, and her eyebrows went VERY HIGH.)
My tooth hurt so much that afternoon/evening, I had trouble sleeping and thought I might end up with an emergency Christmas dentist appointment—but by morning it felt okay: tender, but not painful. I felt very grateful for that. While also not wanting to see that particular dentist again.
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The same day as the filling, Rob wanted to go to Target for a couple of last-minute gifts. When we arrived, masked as usual, there was a big sign saying that, due to an emergency order, masks were required for entry. The unmasked older man in front of us turned on his heel, saying “Jesus CHRIST,” and left, even though free masks were being given out next to the sign. Inside the store, more than half of the customers were not wearing masks—meaning that they had put the masks on in order to be allowed to enter, and then had SO CLEVERLY removed them, KNOWING they were not allowed to do so. This made me hate humanity and all its sly smug wily stupidity. I felt the potential in me for violence: I wanted to SMACK people and SHOVE them HARD. Instead I got milk and orange juice and Edward’s prescription, and Rob quickly chose his gifts, and we got out of there.
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That same day, Edward started feeling very ill with Crohn’s-y/intestinal symptoms; he was ill all afternoon and evening, and all day Christmas Eve. I thought this might be our first Christmas in the ER, but it was not. I felt very grateful for that. I also felt so exhausted by bedtime, I told Paul I thought I might die.
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Christmas came up so fast, and left so fast. All my people were well and, if nothing else, this pandemic has taught me to consider that the baseline for full happiness.
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I managed to neither overdo nor underdo the gifts this year, and that was satisfying. But I also feel like we didn’t watch enough Christmas movies, I didn’t read enough Christmas books, we didn’t do the Christmas puzzle I bought on a good price last year. I bought Dutch speculaas cookies like my grandparents had when I was a child, and I just found them in the cupboard because apparently I forgot to bring them out. And JUST NOW, WHILE WRITING, I realized that we forgot to go on the Christmas Light Drive we’ve done EVERY SINGLE YEAR since we had only one baby 22 years ago, and I don’t know how we forgot to do that, except that we are on a totally new Christmas-celebrating schedule now. I am trying not to feel Deep Dismay about it. (…But we ALWAYS…!)
I nearly forgot the tea advent calendar I bought to use AFTER Christmas, but writing this has reminded me to bring it out and put it on my desk so I can do the first day tomorrow. I think a daily tea / mental-health break is a Very Very Good Idea right now.
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If you feel that you are the one who keeps working, exhausted, throughout the holiday season, doing almost all the holiday prep while also continuing the chores that have to be done even though it’s the holidays (litter box, grocery shopping, replenishing toilet paper), and taking photos of all the celebrations while no one takes any photos of you so no one will even know you were there, while your spouse sits back and enjoys himself much the way the children do—may I suggest one of my favorite post-Christmas traditions, if the budget can stretch to it, which is “ordering yourself a few things from your wish list”? I tend towards the things I think will be more difficult to acquire at the next gift occasion, such as books that are currently available at a nice price in hardcover, but maybe not for much longer. It can be a heartening post-holiday ritual, and nice to extend the Fun Mail season into bleak January.
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Recently a friend suggested that perhaps I am not DIRECT with Paul and the children. At first I rejected it outright, and I do think that suggestion represents a common conscience-alleviating concept: that the problem is that women aren’t CLEAR and DIRECT enough, and that if only women would EXPRESS themselves better, if only they would SAY what they MEAN, THEN men/children would LEAP to do their share! Instead, women fail to communicate. And so how can men/children possibly figure anything out by themselves, the way the women did? They simply can’t!
But then I gave it more thought. When I said to Paul that I was so exhausted I might die, it’s true that was not Direct. I FELT it was pretty Direct, but it was not. I could have said something more like: “I am beyond normal levels of busy and tired and stressed, and you are not. You need to do more, WITHOUT me needing to constantly/individually/specifically ask you to do each thing.” But I didn’t say that, for the same reason I didn’t complain about the motel room: there is a level at which it’s worth it to point out an accidental lapse so that someone can fix it; and there is another level at which there is an obvious long-term systemic problem that is not accidental, and at which there is no point anymore saying anything.
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This morning I went to the grocery store, thinking it might be very unbusy: I thought lots of people might still be in the midst of Christmas celebrations/visitors, and maybe still well-stocked from the busy days before Christmas. Instead it was busier than I’ve seen it in awhile—and also, almost no one was masked. The Omicron variant is all over the news, there are stories about how all the Christmas celebrations will let Covid spread like the curtains are on fire, a child recently died of Covid in our area—and meanwhile, the grocery store looked as if I’d accidentally arrived during a special time set aside for Our Maskless Customers. And there were MANY small children, many of them there with TWO adults, so at least theoretically the child(ren) COULD HAVE stayed home with one of the adults, but instead BOTH adults AND the child(ren) were there breathing the unfiltered air, as if in the HOPES of acquiring an illness.
Grocery items are becoming patchy/unavailable again.
I’m sorry about ALL of it.
Thanks for writing it all down for us.
(This part made me snort: “…and meanwhile, the grocery store looked as if I’d accidentally arrived during a special time set aside for Our Maskless Customers.”)
What a mess we’re all in.
Hope you get some tea/beauty/fun/solitude/appreciative feedback in your day today.
Commenting for the exact same reason… Dismayed that everything is so sucky, but I chortled at “a special time set aside for Our Maskless Customers.” Thanks for having such a great sense of humor even when things are tough. Hoping things are going better. <3
so much this. so much.
the other adult in this situation has been off of work since Thursday. He cooked: the roast (I did nothing for that) and veggies (that I prepped) on christmas. I made: overnight french toast (complete with baking the bread used in it) and cooked it in the morning. Pizza for Christmas eve dinner. chopped some veg for crudite so no one starved between breakfast and dinner, popped popcorn for the same reason, vacuumed in the morning before my parents arrived and girl child and I made a yule log (over 3 or 4 days, from scratch) for Christmas dinner. The next day I made 2 batches of homemade waffles, heated soup (that was made by me for dinner early last week) for everyone.
today: did you sleep well last night?
why?
well, I”m wondering why you’re so tired?
What have I don’t the past three days? (and also, am I tired from general life the past three days, with parents visiting from FLORIDA????? who I kept making breakfast for so they wouldn’t eat it in the hotel with ICKY people!!!? Or is it COVID? No practical way to find out at the moment, since you cannot get a test anywhere)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I already bought myself fancy yarn to make a new hat. And I don’t want anything else, really, except to not get covid. But I love your idea of buying coping presents
Yes and yes and yes though i will give my husband props for being very helpful. The part that got me was missing the Christmas lights tradition. I missed a birthday tradition for my daughter. On her 16th birthday. Which was also her ‘golden birthday’ (she was born on the 16th of the month’ And when my BIL casually asked about this (really, no big deal) tradition and I realized i’d missed it I burst into tears in the middle of her party. It was….not great. So i feel you.
And agreed on the masking. Theoretically all of CA has had an indoor mask mandate (again) for a month or so. You would not know this by walking around. And it’s so frustrating.
I truly Do Not Get the “be more direct” people, because I notice they are the same people who, if I WERE to be direct at each and every opportunity, would then accuse me of “nagging.” NAGGING IS A FORM OF BEING DIRECT, so which is it? WHICH IS IT??!!
We stay in a lot of mid-range hotels due to soccer, and the quality of that experience has deteriorated DRAMATICALLY since the start of the pandemic. I’d say it continues to get worse, now that they are still pretending that just plain giving up on housekeeping is “for our safety,” as is not having room service or a breakfast option to be taken back to the room (???). It’s clear to me that those things are probably not coming back, now that they have realized how much money can be saved (while still charging the same rate as before).
I am in an even worse mood than usual this Christmas/New Years, which is really saying something, since I have not TRULY enjoyed a single holiday season as an employed adult due to my horrifying job.
Well, anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I agree with the mid-range hotel experience lately. I do some “dog stuff” and have noticed the same thing. At first it was possible to get a better hotel for a better price because everything was caving in, but now they’re just cutting corners. Scruffy around the edges but OK has become not really clean but there’s no point in asking for a different room. Thanks again, covid!
I’ve been off Facebook now for several years (thankfully since before the pandemic), but one of the things I truly do miss are your dog posts!! Tell Sugar I said hiiiiii!!!!! xx
OMG you are so sweet! I will give her a kiss for you. She’s doing great and I’m always surprised she has fans and friends aren’t sick of hearing about her!
All of this from the nagging catch-22 to the serious deterioration in quality of cleaning etc at mid-range soccer stay hotels. I’m tired of all of it. Every single bit.
My friend is the manager of a mid to upper mid tier chain of hotels. His hotel is owned by a company that owns another hotel on the same street (a large downtown area where hotels are usually $200 per night). Between the two hotels there are 1000 rooms. At one point in the pandemic they were down to 3 (!) housekeepers. For 1000 rooms. And their rates dropped so low ($50-60) that they became quite popular for drug users who were leaving the rooms absolutely trashed. Some of the stories were GRIM and the hotel is still trying to recover. Apparently when you pay $12 an hour and people are finding literal dead bodies in the rooms, staff turnover becomes a problem.
Wowzers. That is grim!
My husband of thirty years told me this morning that he just realized that I enjoy Christmas much more than the rest of the family, as evidenced by the fact that I “enjoy doing all the decorating and preparing by myself.” SIR, I said. I DO NOT ENJOY DOING IT ALL BY MYSELF. But if I did NOT do it, it would not get done! And also, My Beloved, you find a way to absent yourself from the house when I’m doing it so I cannot ask you to help! (We came to an Understanding that in future years, he will Pitch In and Help.)
This is the same man that complained that I spent all day Christmas Eve in the kitchen, preparing and serving meals to the four of us and our three guests and getting ready for meals on Christmas Day. I said, “We and our guests have to eat, you know. Do you actually believe that fairies come in and prepare food for everyone on holidays?” “Yes,” he said. “I did think that, but now I see from the look in your eyes that it is not in fact made by fairies and I will stop talking now.”
Swistle, I am going to steal your post-holiday Advent idea and order myself a nice Advent calendar treat on clearance right now. Merry Christmas to me!
OMFG!!! How can one be this oblivious????????? HOW HOW HOW?
I hope you’re advent calendar is exceedingly cheap and brings outsized amounts of joy to you.
Oh my word. The only explanation is that YOU clearly enjoy all the holiday stuff more than everyone else. Ugh!
“now I see from the look in your eyes that it is not in fact made by fairies” … ha!! Reading here makes me think that we should all form a Union of Disgruntled Christmas Elves.
Argh. This reminds me of when I complained that my husband didn’t take charge of any of the kids’ school stuff, but left it all to me. He told me it was because he didn’t know how any of that works, but clearly not only did I know, but I enjoyed being involved, so he was doing me and the kids a favor by keeping his incompetent self out of it. NO, SIR, I do not enjoy handling school issues nor have any particular experience or knowledge except that which I have acquired out of NECESSITY because I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND THEIR FATHER HAS PROVEN UNRELIABLE in that area. Flames. Flames on the side of my face….
Like when my husband claimed he had been supervising the kids virtual school once a week for six months. But it turns out that he didn’t know how to TURN ON THEIR SCHOOL IPADS so he hadn’t actually been supervising at all. He relied on a 5 year old and a 7 year old to tell him if they had completed their work – NEITHER OF WHICH READ WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW IF THEY HAD COMPLETED DIRECTIONS.
Sorry for shouting.
I am so sorry. Have you heard of the term “weaponized incompetence” before? I only recently learned about it and I find it a really useful term for framing certain experiences, especially with men.
In any case, I hear you and am frustrated on your behalf! And Swistle’s behalf! And on behalf of any other person sharing their experiences here!
We got a bag thing from the supermarket that had all the things we needed for Christmas dinner. It only took an hour to make so I was very pleased with it. Possibly too pleased because the next time my mother in law went to the supermarket she bought another bag for me to make, only this one took 1.5 hours which would be fine for Christmas but far more than I could be bothered with on a random Monday. I think she was confused as to why I wasn’t thrilled.
My husband is generally helpful and has become more so after several meltdowns from me over the years. He is always asking to help, sometimes just helping, which is great. But, I feel like the mental burden of Christmas always falls squarely on me. Presents for the kids, my parents, his parents? Me. Planning meals, outings, special things? Me. General merry making? Me. It’s exhausting and I don’t enjoy it anymore.
I feel like I had a breakthrough with my husband this year. Unrealistically (apparently) I was hoping for a new Dutch Oven from him (like we discussed in October) and instead got a salt grinder. Which, now is laughable and will probably become even more amusing in the years to come. But, still. It turns out that he, in terror of getting it wrong with such a big present, decided to forgo it. Apparently he’d never thought of making an effort and including a gift receipt. 20 years and he just realized that he could try and include a gift receipt. Deep breaths.
Does Paul read your blog? I wonder what his reaction would be to this post…like, would it enlighten him in a “I really had no idea” way, or would he think you are exaggerating, or brush it off…genuinely curious. I think most of us would feel bad if we read something like this from our spouses, but maybe not? I would feel bad that I wasn’t supportive during stressful times.
(also, my spouse is wonderful and unusually feminist and unusually willing to do things, and *even he* thought that if the house was a bit grungy, it’s of course equal for both of us, and no, actually, if a house is of a lower cleanliness level than that expected of a house where a female resides, nearly everyone primarily blames the female living there, so it’s not just “different tolerance levels” for grunge/clutter between the two of us. My spouse is excellent! *And* he heard that and digested that and realized it was true! But even so, he had to hear it, and then digest it and check it against things. And most men are trained to *not* hear things, *not* digest things, and to dismiss things via various cliches if the truths are inconvenient.)
(my dad has been retired for nearly a decade now – therefore *definitely* not a heavier workload than my mom, although even when she was working full time, he did not help – and he *still* goes into whiny/aggrieved mode when asked to do things. He’ll do [some of] them! But man, it is really pretty bad, *from what I hear from him* and from what I see when they visit – she almost exclusively tells me the positives that he’s done, not what it took to get him there and not how he responded and not the other requests that were ignored/denied.)
I know I would feel bad if my spouse felt this way about me. I also know that my spouse, and I think other male spouses, would feel put upon if they read this expression of dissatisfaction, but their put-upon-ness would be the result of a weird combination of not remembering the umpty-jillion previous conversations about the mental load and a sense they they are doing all that can reasonably expected, a list that does not include using their eyes and brains to figure out what needs to be done.
There’s a recent column in the Times that got a lot of people squawking about how hurt Heather Havrilesky’s husband must be/why doesn’t she talk to him/she should never settle.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/24/style/marriage-heather-havrilesky-foreverland.html?searchResultPosition=1
And maybe. But maybe her husband should get it together. Maybe she’s allowed to vent. Maybe accepting that this is the deal does not require being happy about the deal. Maybe women are tired of being told to express their needs forever without nagging and without hurting their husband’s feelings.
When my kids tell me I hurt their feelings, I apologize and try to do better. If my husband feels bad about being called out on something I have already talked to him about, nope.
You have just reminded me that I got myself a fancy chocolates “12 days of Christmas” calendar that I intended to use for the days after Christmas but instead left on a shelf in my closet and hadn’t thought about until now. Swistle Saves Christmas!
I feel all of this so deeply and am raising an exhausted fist in grim solidarity. I hope Edward is feeling better.
The part about being direct… whew! I deeply relate. :/ I also had a less than stellar dentist appt(2 actually) and now I’m finding myself dreading going back. However, I actually had an onlay- which is sort of like a Crown but not as big of a deal- and it still sounds like you had more drilling than I did. Yikes.
I promptly ordered myself 3 gifts from my Amazon wish list the Day After Christmas!
In the midst of a terrible season of our lives, Christmas itself was a little bright spot and for that I have to thank my ex-mother-in-law. She was our Christmas elf who prepared the magic and the meal and let me just show up, exhausted. I thanked her that day, but it’s clearly not enough. I’m going to send her flowers right now.
My regret is that at the end of the day I looked at my phone and realized I hadn’t taken a single photo. I told two men (MEN) and they said, well, you were in the moment, just remember it, how often do you look at those anyway. I told one woman (SOLIDARITY) and she let out a little breath and just said, “ohhh, I’m sorry,” which is the only correct answer.
I also did not take any photos this year and feel kind of terrible about it even on 12/29.
Omg, the potential for violence…I swear, I spent a good 5 minutes while waiting in the grocery line the other day just fantasizing about beating the ever living hell out of a maskless jackass behind me. In vivid detail. I think the only thing that kept me from going through with it was the knowledge that there are probably lots of unmasked people in County jail, so I don’t want to take a trip there.
I don’t know how you manage to say things so perfectly but you do. I had a “how can you be okay with this” shriek at my house and things changed for a few days and then went back to normal. We had the almost comical “who got you that?” for gifts I had purchased for the children from us and then the ensuing “we shouldn’t buy them so much next year”. I feel like he treats me like his mother who is more than willing to sacrifice herself in devotion to him.
OMG this. “treats me like his mother who is more than willing to sacrifice herself in devotion to him.” MIL has been with us for several weeks and I have had to literally say “You are being mean to your MOM” in FRONT OF HER so she hears that I disagree with his asshole-ed-ness, because he walks on water and she won’t defend herself. Ahhhh.
Never done a drug in my life. Thinking I need to find a 12-days-post-Christmas edibles calendar.
if it exists, that calendar is probably LOVELY.
I definitely want this calendar
so I looked. And there was something available in at least CA (but probably not anymore, I don’t think they’re mass produced and then “on sale” like one full of tea) but can’t be shipped outside of CA because, legality. If you’re in a state where it’s legal, though, get a thing of gummies* and pretend it’s an advent calendar. DONE.
*Or other edible cannabinoid of your choice. I’ve heard the seltzer is good, don’t know though. I LOVE seltzer so probably not a good idea for me to mix the two and my boy child thinks my seltzer is his seltzer and that is also a bad idea.
Honestly, with all that women say and what is written about the unfair burden that is placed on Mom to make Christmas happen – the men don’t have a leg to stand on with the “I never realized and/or but you ENJOY it” argument.
Thank you, Swistle. I think I WILL reward all my hard work over the past month or so!
Re: COVID/lack of mask use – and they’ll all be SHOCKED when it starts surging again. Did they learn absolutely NOTHING after nearly TWO years? *sigh*
We’re in WV now, where mask use is quite low, like almost no one is wearing one. We live in a place (DC suburbs) where almost everyone (maybe 90%?) wears masks in indoor public places whether there’s a sign or not, so there’s a bit of culture shock, but the drive here was a warning, with an intermediate number (50% or so) at the only place we stopped (in Western MD).
So we’re pretty much sticking to the house and outside as much as we can, or my immediate family is. My mother and aunt-in-law went in some of the touristy shops, even though the aunt is in her mid-80s and has emphysema. I’m sure they were masked, but still…
Good lord, any one of those things would be exhausting, but all of them together…well. I feel violent just thinking of people taking masks and then removing them in the store, people, you are all terrible. Just. Why.
I’m so glad Edward didn’t have to spend Christmas in the hospital, is he okay now?
Re: being direct. Doesn’t that feel like MORE work? It does to me. I feel like it’s more work to constantly ask people to do things and to manage the feelings that come with directness.
“Re: being direct. Doesn’t that feel like MORE work? It does to me. I feel like it’s more work to constantly ask people to do things and to manage the feelings that come with directness.”
YES. I’m also convinced that when I ask, everyone else sees it as a one time thing. So I end up asking again and again (as things continue to crop up/need attention) until eventually I just stop because I am too frustrated. And, also, this sense that when I ask/nag, my family sees it as “helping” me. They are doing me a favor by doing one of “my” jobs rather than everyone pitching in because they all live here too.
And a lot of this is my own fault. I am not good at delegating nor have I been. I don’t want to bother people. But then I get resentful that I’m the only that seems to see what needs to be done.
I wish I’d read this before posting my lengthy rant above, because . Friend speaks my mind
Thank you, as ever, for your blog. I have enjoyed it for so many years and will eat myself into sad oblivion if you ever stop!
Our Christmas was a Covid rollercoaster, with my 19 year old son coming home from college on 12/16. I had two Friendsmases scheduled- one on 12/17 and one on 12/18. I had them (smallish group, windows open, Purell abounded) and then on 12/19 my son gets a call from a friend that she just tested positive for Covid. OMG. I absolutely FREAKED. And the next day my son tested positive for Covid (on rapid, but PCR was inconclusive.)
I had to contact everyone and tell them- the good news was that I and my husband both tested negative and son was nowhere around anyone.
So I spent the next few days prepping for Christmas, carrying food trays up and down the stairs while he isolated, constantly fielding questions from the family about how we were going to do Christmas (like I somehow have lived through a Pandemic alone in order to prepared and handle this) etc.
BUT! We had him go retest on the 23rd (for a PCR) and gave him a home rapid test on the 24th. The rapid test came back negative AND THEN, at 11:40 on Christmas Eve, his PCR test results FINALLY came in and they were NEGATIVE. It was a CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Christmas was saved after all!
We were especially grateful on Christmas Day to get to be together.
My husband has stepped up and done more through the years, for which I am exceedingly grateful. I definitely do still do more, but I also have gotten much better about being direct AND drawing a line (I am resting, leave me alone, go do this) and also refusing to do what I don’t want to do and honestly not giving a shit about how any one else feels about it!
No one here will judge if that tea has an extra glug of something special in these bleak days.
Well, I don’t know if this is the best way to be direct, but here’s what I did. I drank a bit too much wine on Christmas Eve while preparing dinner at my Dad’s house for him and my family. When Dad appreciatively said ‘Wow, I don’t know how you do all this work’, my husband was sitting next to me. I responded in a tipsy and raw dialogue about how tired I was and how exhausting making meals is, especially after my typical work days. Well, since then my husband has been asking over and over what he can do to help. I know it’s not as easy as that…. We’ll have to keep working on this as we have for years. Sometimes I avoid confrontation and other time I ask sometimes politely, and sometimes directly, achieving varied results. Really him taking responsibility and following through without any reminders or supervision would be ideal and we’re a long way from that.
My husband bought himself a travel trailer as a 40th birthday present (to himself) in 2019. I was a bit grumpy about the purchase at the time, but now with Covid, I’m happy we have it. We no longer stay in hotels, we just take the trailer. Find a camping spot, and set up.
My husband did not a damn thing for Christmas, except grilled the steaks. I did every thing else.
I have a secret.
I am ACTIVELY GLAD that my family couldn’t come over for Christmas day. (Not for the reason, of course— I am anti-Covid), but I was EXHAUSTED from Making Christmas Happen for my 10-year-old and I did not want to try to make Grown Up Christmas happen AS WELL.
We are talking about a “make up Christmas” at some point, but I am hoping it never comes to fruition…
I didn’t have time to read any of our Christmas books or watch Christmas movies, either. I finally watched The Polar Express last night (the 28th), and while it wasn’t quite the same, it was still nice to watch it.
Most of the Christmas lights in our neighborhood are still up for at least another week or so, would it be worth it to drive around and look at them? Or would it just be depressing now?
Also, I think you’re the person who mentioned that they always bring hot chocolate with them to look at the lights; we’ve always driven around, but the last couple years we’ve started doing hot chocolate too, so thank you for that idea!