I was so extra excited for Christmas this year, way before Thanksgiving, and then we got to the actual Christmas season and I am mostly stressed and resentful. It feels like other people around here are just waiting for Christmas to magically happen around them. I have not brought out all the Christmas decorations, because no one seems to care if I do or not, and because I am thinking about how bleak it always is to have to put them all away again in January. I have brought out some of the Christmas ornaments and put them near the tree, and no one is putting any on the tree, so it is not making me feel like really ramping things up. The Melissa & Doug countdown-to-Christmas tree, which used to be a daily source of fighting about whose day it was, now sometimes goes several days without anyone taking their turn. I have brought out enough Christmas mugs to make me feel happy, and enough Christmas dishes to make me feel happy, and if anyone else wants anything perhaps they could ride their own feet to the frosty storage area.
Part of it is that I feel like it’s going by too fast, even though I started early. We’re not going to watch as many Christmas movies as we’d wanted to because, unlike last year, there are many evenings when one or more of us has plans. I am not reading as many Christmas books as I’d wanted to, because I have been distracted by a perimenopause/menopause book and because I keep forgetting to put the Christmas books enticingly where I can see them. I feel like in previous years there were more evenings spent looking up from a Christmas story to gaze fondly at the decorated tree, but in this house it makes more sense to put the tree by the big window in the dining room instead of pretty much directly in front of my usual living room chair.
And the way the kids are busy and less interested is making me think ahead to the next few years, when they will all be gone off to school or to their adult lives, and it will just be Paul and me for this festive anticipatory season. This thought made me impulsively buy two sets of Christmasy flannel sheets for Rob/William’s room, and Mrs. Meyer’s pine hand soap for the kids’ bathroom. Which then reactivated my shipping anxiety, when the estimated delivery date was later than expected, and the sheets won’t get here until after William is already home. Which is fine! That is FINE. He DOES NOT CARE; he DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE SHEETS. These sheets are probably more for my future grandchildren at this point anyway.
Still, when I was trying to get to sleep last night, I was able to dwell on the happy thoughts: the Christmas cards done in plenty of time (rather than last-second as I sometimes do them) and already mailed; the tree up, with lights on, and this year I could go into a store to buy the chocolate ornaments we missed last year; the Christmas music listened to at a level that cannot be considered skimpy; the Christmas mugs and Starbucks Christmas blend ground coffee; the tree sheets and pine soap on their way. And I like wrapping presents, and I still have most of that ahead of me, and I have new wrapping paper purchased this year, so that’s fun. And I am enjoying my See’s Advent calendar.
I have two tasks left that are making me feel a little stressed, but I can take care of one of those tomorrow (it’s bringing the holiday treats to the Remicade nurses, something I am always very glad To Have Done, and feel very festive about afterwards, but for some reason really dread doing), and the other one the next day (one more thing to go into an actual store for), and then they will be done, and that will feel nice.
The “magically happen” was stress I put on myself for 30ish years. I have always fought against my husband wanting to “Christmas with the Kranks” and while I won’t go that far, I think being somewhere beautiful with him will be better than me at home missing my kids being home (and not in their 30s). I did all the things, but on a small scale and I am loving it. (Except the music. NON stop since 11/1. :))
I am also feeling Weirdly Less Cheery than usual. My neighborhood usually puts up their Holiday Lights as soon as the Halloween Lights come down. (We are a neighborhood who has Halloween lights.) But I didn’t put up Halloween lights because I was really busy at work, so I forgot about putting up Christmas lights until it was too cold and snowy, and then the lights I leave on the roof all year are half out (which is odd, usually they still work every year which is why I don’t bother taking them down) and then when we finally got a warm (albeit rainy and wet) day, most of the stored lights were also not working.
Our Christmas tree is in a different spot this year, which feels weird.
I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything Specifically Wrong. But the level of holiday spirit in me is closer to how I usually feel the first week of Thanksgiving, not less than two weeks before Christmas. Bah humbug.
“Part of it is that I feel like it’s going by too fast, even though I started early. ” <– Yes, agreed.
I tried to read a Christmas book and it wasn't a good fit for me, so now I'm ALSO feeling surly about that. When really I should just pick up a different Christmas book.
I hate everything about everything and especially any other adults that live in my house and every time I go to buy a thing, it’s like $200. (The thing isn’t necessarily $200 but the total somehow is? and we got a new dog last year, now we have TWO! around now so she just needed a vet visit and THAT was $500 and the dog food was $200 – it’s like 3 months worth…but still just tossing $$$$ everywhere I go.)
I did remind myself, and may have said here, that 12th night = KING CAKE SEASON and I am getting one from Dong Phuong because, holy hell, they do something AMAZING in the icing department and some do not think that is the ultimate king cake experience and those people are WRONG (and it will cost me like $75 to do this but I have spend every single day since March of 2020 WITH MY CHILDREN, something other adults in this house have not had to do and it’s not $200, so I’m winning!) I might share it with others in the house….if I like them again by then. Not holding my breath.
Do you order online from Dong Phuong or are you local? Asking for a “friend” who has also had enough time with children :)
I order (do it early because they sold out last year) and it costs a fortune but it was such a mood booster last year I am planning on doing it again this year ASAP*. And am casually stalking the website waiting for orders to open up. People have FEELINGS about king cake but, imo, the icing in this was is the best I’ve ever had. I went to college in NOLA and still go to Jazz Fest (you know, when it’s not cancelled) annually.
*do not, even if you CAN, order or consume a king cake outside the borders of 12th night and Mardi Gras day.
If you want a Dong Phuong king cake, order NOW. I just looked and the dates are already limited. Mine is shipping on February 7.
https://www.dpbakery.com/s/order
I’m trying to will myself into Holiday Cheerful Compliance, but it’s just not working.
My oldest is still at college (freshman year, it’s not going well, and that has me frustrated and also sad that she’s not here for the usual traditions), it’s the second Christmas without my Nana, and I’m generally annoyed with The Other Adult in my home, whom I love but also would they just fix the fucking door like I’ve asked for a whole month now, thanks.
I will likely not start shopping until this coming weekend (we’ve been a one-income household for most of the year, and I have started to Stress About Money, so I don’t want to spend a dime until my bonus check is in hand.) That’s probably also adding to things being gloomy. I browsed TJMaxx with my younger daughter last week, and when we walked past all the Christmassy towels and bedding I commented “Oh man, that stuff is so cute. I’m just not into that level of decorating!” & my daughter replied “I know. I wish you were, though.” So. I need to go buy some Christmas sheets and handtowels for her.
It’s a weird time. The middle ground of having a kid at college and one still at home, and traditions being different, and also knowing that they will only continue to change and be different just feels unsteady. And instead of adapting and/or coming up with something new, I just stand here, a frozen grinch, wishing things were different.
It is a weird, weird holiday season this year. I am just nodding along at my desk with all of you. Last year was weird because it had to be, and it became the first Christmas that my kids didn’t have their grandparents and aunt and uncle IN the house for Christmas morning. And it was fine! So now this year we’re just changing everything around and maybe I just wasn’t entirely ready to let loose of traditions? But everyone else seems fine with it! I don’t know. I guess it will come whether I am physically and mentally ready, or not, and we’ll be fine.
My house is a DISASTER, we do not have a tree up, the Christmas cheer is firmly resting on Christmas songs in the car and a small chocolate advent calendar from the daycare provider. I hate how much money I’ve given to Bezos this year, but I could just kiss the delivery people every time they come, they are my lifeline right now. That and Target drive up. And cocoa packets and canned whipped cream. Thank goodness the 5-year-old has minimal expectations.
I have… mixed feelings about “the whole Christmas season” (read in Boris Karloff voice). On the one hand, pretty lights and smells and lovely childhood memories and wanting to replicate some of those memories for my kids. On the other hand, rampant materialism and celebrating a religious holiday when we are not religious. While simultaneously perpetuating the secularization of said holiday.
Anyway, I decided this was the year to do something I wasn’t brave enough to do before: no gifts. Now, we are still doing stockings (which are a big deal in my family, more than trinkets), but no obscene piles under the tree. My mom and my husband’s sister and step mom seem to be on board, but my MIL is having trouble wrapping her mind around it. Unfortunately my seven year old is old enough to remember the time before Mother Ruined Christmas, so I will have to report back about whether she really notices much difference. There will still be a few gifts under the tree for the kids, because though our stockings are stretchy, I am bad at spatial reasoning.
We are still doing allll the other things- putting up two trees, making cookies, making cards for teachers, making candles for Winter Solstice (Axial Tilt is the Reason for the Season!), reading books, watching movies, having a special breakfast and dinner on Christmas. It’s enough.
Anna, I love this. I too have been thinking about the excesses of Christmas. One of these days I just might join you in the world of no gifts.
I’m just angling for a de-escalation of gluttony. We buy our kids very little-some clothes, maybe some things they need, stockings. My husband’s family all have gifts as their love language. They give insane numbers of gifts to our kids. We currently have a pile of boxes 4 feet wide and five feet tall and I’m not certain that’s it. They also want gifts, expensive gifts, which I just hate doing. At some point you are too old to ask for gifts right?
I’ve asked for one family gift or one gift per kid or money for 529 plan or skip gifts and let’s go on a trip. But no, piles and piles of gifts. Also shipped to me and I’m expected to wrap them. The boxes to ship have deforested a rainforest already, enough wrapping paper to cover it all is a fire hazard.
I feel so rude, so ungracious, but between the aunts and granny and cousins, it’s beyond gross. I think it makes it hard to teach your kids about gratitude and what’s important when your family signals that stuff is what is important. And my in-laws think it’s great. I also have 4 kids while the other siblings have 2, so it’s worse for us. My one year old is revicieving dozens of gifts to make it equal (HE CANT COUNT. He won’t know!)
I am planning to sort through the mess and maybe return some stuff (seriously there are things we already have! And we got two of the same very expensive item from different relatives.)
It makes me salty. I feel like it’s just wrong but I seem to be powerless to stop it.
Feel free to return/donate as many as you’d like. (Easier if the gift givers don’t live nearby and your kids are younger). I was in similar situation and did that al the time when my kids were younger. Luckily my relatives at least were receptive to switching to sending money so that I can purchase gifts for them (to avoid duplicates and get stuff I know the kids like). I use it for a few gifts, and then things like lessons/sports and put the rest in their savings accounts. It’s worked out for us but I know exactly how you feel. It’s draining.
Adult siblings in my family don’t exchange gifts, though my brother was so mad when I informed him that he and our youngest brother had gotten old enough to join my sister and I in the no-gifts zone that he’s boycotted Christmas dinner with me ever since – it was about 5 years ago and this brother is now 31. Gifts are still bought between generations though – I exchange gifts with my parents and step-parents, and some of my siblings still give small gifts to my kids, who are the only children in the family. And of course my parents still get stuff for their grandkids.
I am Very Bummed because my we requested my husband’s vacation days for the week before Christmas (saved them for that week) and asked as SOON as it was available to possibly ask. back in August, and we found out LAST FRIDAY that it was all Denied. Our 4 young kids are off on Christmas break for 3 weeks and he is working almost every day including Christmas Eve. (He works in a pharmacy so at least they are closed on Christmas Day every year.)
And I get it that they are short staffed and of course it’s not husband’s fault but it kinda sucked all of the joy out of Christmas for me because now I have to do EVERYTHING on my own and I just…I don’t want to. All that wrapping and preparing and decorating and activity-doing is just so meh right now.
On top of that, my parents who are my go-to babysitters and helpers are both in quarantine with covid right now (they are vaccinated and their cases are mild at least though, thankfully).
So I can commiserate on Holiday Stress and Resentment for sure.
May I offer my fervent heartfelt condolences? Because one of those things would super suck, but all together it is a magnificent suckfest that I would not wish on anyone.
Allison speaks my mind.
Would you recommend that perimenopause book?
I’m not sure. I definitely like it better than the book my OB/GYN’s office recommended (which seemed verrry Boomerish and had a part where the author said that menopause meant a PAUSE from MEN lol, and I gave up on it after a few chapters because I found it so annoying). And I love that it is inclusive and chatty. It feels kind of repetitive, but I think that’s because I’m reading straight through, and it’s designed so that someone can just look up a particular section, so that’s probably actually a pro instead of a con. The chattiness goes beyond that for me, and dips into “trying to be casual and cool” in a way I find a little wincey (e.g., calling the basic things such as nutrition/sleep/etc. “Ya Basics”). And I think it could have used a proof-reader who would have said, “Wait: you’re using this term on page 39 but you don’t define it until page 102” or whatever. But overall, I am finding it a good read, and I have thought of it many times, and there’s a bunch of stuff in there that I didn’t know and am glad to know. I guess I would say I recommend getting it from the library and seeing if it’s one you want to buy.
Thank you!
Hope you don’t mind if I mope here. Last year I missed our usual traditions. We stayed home and didn’t make our usual out of state trip to see my family. The realization that I missed my mom’s last Christmas (she passed away in June this year) is bumming me out. She was also one to Go Big for Christmas and it just won’t be the same without her. Also I’m realizing that my husband, kids and dad are counting on me to carry the traditions and it feels like A Lot. Delegating would be a start. I had to give up on some things (no cards this year). Hope it turns around for those of us who carry the load!
All of this. Sincerely.
Can I jump on the resentment train? We skipped Thanksgiving this year, had originally planned a trip instead of having friends over (we live abroad) but then COVID restrictions got er, strict, again so we canceled and ended up doing nothing. And I have regretted it since. We put the tree up that weekend, to have something to do with the kids, so my house has been decorated for a few weeks already but I keep going back and forth between wanting to do Christmas stuff and being resentful that I have to DO all the Christmas stuff. I mailed packages to my family and my husband’s mom ( had to plan early for mail trips) and have reminded him twice that I got nothing for his sister or his dad/stepmom so now it’s like a game of chicken when I know he hasn’t done anything for them but it’s quickly about to be too late if I don’t do something.
ALSO I am peeved because the school preemptively declared 2 weeks of virtual learning to allow for the mandated quarantine for anyone who travels abroad BUT this will be after an already 3 week winter break, so now I am facing down 5 weeks of having my kids home every day and we aren’t even traveling! So this feels very much like a punishment for being responsible global citizens who aren’t traveling during a pandemic while we allow other people to chose to travel and in fact reward them with a virtual option so they don’t miss out on school. I am very, very bitter about this right now. Which makes it very hard to swallow, indeed, when the same school is requesting my attendance at Christmas concerts, and STEM fairs, and donations for movie day and and and. The only saving grace is that it is a season that befits cocktails, even when we can’t have friends over to enjoy them.
I am having trouble with my kids’ wish lists. It feels like they are at an age where they are growing out of a lot of toys but not yet growing out of thinking they want the toy when they see an ad for it, and that I have squandered the years of getting them these things, but also that everything I get is just one more thing I will be picking up off the floor somehow much more often than I see anyone playing with it. And I can half get excited about moving out of the toy years into the special things years, but I worry I’m going to mess that up too and it’s so hard for anything to be special in our disposable culture. It’s all just a weird melange of melancholy, but I did get a really nice Christmas card today.
This makes a lot of sense to me, too. Having disposable toys vs heirloom quality vs clutter vs joy in opening vs 5 kids and classic Christmas wish list vs how many more opportunities will I have to shop for LEGO or holiday barbie?
I’m Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas, so the thing I find the most annoying about this time of year is people constantly asking me what I’m doing for Christmas, if I got all my shopping done, if I’m ready for Christmas, what Santa is getting for my son and so on. I never know whether to make something up, or just tell them I’m Jewish. Either way it gets awkward. It’s so interesting to see how the Christmas season is such a huge part of people’s lives, when it’s just another day/month for me. It’s everywhere you go, on tv, the radio, Netflix top 10, at work, at all of our doctors, hair salon, every place I go is filled with Christmas stuff and people talking about Christmas. Not that I really mind, it’s just odd to be surrounded by it when you don’t participate.
Oh, please tell them. If enough people remember that not everyone celebrates Christmas, maybe people will turn to other conversational topics, and even people who do celebrate can find Christmas a little fraught.
I am balancing the logistics of care for an elderly dog with the logistics of visiting my elderly mother and my mixed bag of siblings and their families in my hometown. It’s coming up faster than I expected and the dog situation has sapped my interest in doing any Christmas stuff other than sit around scratching the dog and watching Christmas movies.
I am in the “drops in the bucket” stage, too. The tree isn’t even up yet. But most of the gifts are here. Our Christmas cards are on their way to us and I get them back out pretty quickly. Adding to the malaise I’m feeling is a bit of guilt that maybe I sighed a bit too heavily in past years when the kids were small and enthusiastic about Christmas and wanting to do all the stuff and wondering when we would do all the stuff. And now they don’t even bother because Mom is just going to get cranky about it. And we moved 3 years ago and this house is a mistake and there is no place to put most of the decorations anyway so why bother hauling that stuff up out of the basement.
I’ve also come to the realization that when I started paring things back several years ago, I pared back a lot of the stuff that I enjoyed doing if I had plenty of time to do them. I had so much else to do that trying to make candy and cookies for teacher gifts got overwhelming. So order cookies and gift cards and call it good. I had wanted the making of the candy/cookies to be a tradition to do with my kids as they got older. Letting go of that has made me sad.
And as long as I’m venting, it’s not just that I am the maker of the Christmas magic, it’s that my husband starts asking about stuff right around this time — it feel like micromanaging. “What about this game for daughter?” I got the games she put on her list and it wasn’t on her list. “But she really likes the earlier version of this game”. Ok how about you get the game and we will save it for her birthday since I have bought all the presents for the kids and if I add something to daughter’s stash then I will need to add something to son’s. I think they have enough and we’ve spent enough.
Also, we just got our first Christmas card from friends yesterday. I didn’t realize just how much I looked forward to getting cards.
This: I will not participate AT ALL except at the entirely wrong time, in the entirely wrong way and then acting like “what, I’m HELPING!”
I feel you. I do. Virtual, covid safe, giant hug!
Oh yes, my husband does this. “What are we getting the kids? Do we have gifts from Santa? Do you have a gift for my mom?” OMG this is all long done. He also does this the night before we leave on a trip “do we have bathing suits for the kids?” I’m tempted to send him on a last min wild goose chase but then I’m stuck with the kids trying to make holiday magic/leave on vacation.
Arg….
I did manage to nip the “buy my in-laws gifts/send thank you notes to his family” bud pretty early in our marriage. I get the kids to write thank you notes to the grand parents (all of them and any one else who sent them a gift). I thank his parents for anything they gave *me* but I am NOT going to send a thank you for my husband. Same thing with the presents. And quite frankly, it is much better that he do it because I do not particularly like my in-laws.
The whole “what are we getting the kids” panic usually comes from a conversation he had with his mom where he couldn’t tell her what the kid gifts were. So, of course, that means that I have not done a damn thing to acquire said gifts. Never mind the stack of boxes from various retailers in our closet or the many, many (MANY) conversations husband and I have had both in person and in text.
That’s enraging. “What are WE getting”, obviously nothing. Everything is coming from mom and Santa ‘cause dad is a non-participant.
OMG feeling rage with you! SAME conversations at our house.
That perimenopause book is AMAZING. I loved it, and it really opened my eyes about people who have uteruses but don’t identify as women, going through The Change. Really great book.
I got a great head start and then just sort of fizzled a bit. I mean, I sent cards super-early, and the tree is up and decorated, and I have a pile of gifts bought, but the main gifts haven’t come in and I’m no longer sure they will (I complained about this a post or two ago already), and I have to order the photo calendars because it’s reaching the deadline for them to be here before Christmas, and I just cannot summon enthusiasm for actually wrapping the gifts that I do have. And we’re renovating our basement so a bunch of stuff needs to be donated or chucked and I hate getting rid of things so it’s cluttering up my first floor. I need to just do the calendars and wrapping and make a drive to drop of stuff at a place that’ll take them and I know I’ll feel a lot better, I just don’t want to actually have to do the actions that will get it all done.
Christmas is pretty much not happening at all here. I had tickets bought to fly with my 2 daughters to Scotland (we live in France) to see my ailing, 90yo dad for the first time in 2 years. The tickets were expensive, my dad and I don’t get along and, by all accounts, he’s sliding quickly into dementia so I was actually dreading it, apart from 3 days in Brussels on the way there (my elder daughter’s studying in Belgium this year, the younger one and I were going to go there by train this Saturday and spend 3 lovely days together before flying to Scotland and potential grimness). But Britain’s COVID policies a) keep changing and b) have made it a logistical nightmare, so it’s all cancelled. The expensive tickets were still the cheapest I could find, so obviously non-refundable, leaving me €1200 out of pocket.
So, now we’re going to be at home and hopefully my elder daughter’s flight won’t be cancelled.
But she’s refusing to stay at my house (hasn’t slept here since 2013, won’t tell me why) and will be staying at her dad’s, even though he won’t actually be there. This is upsetting me more than it should. I haven’t seen her since the beginning of September…
I have so far done precisely nothing for Christmas. My cards are neither written nor sent; the tree isn’t up; no decorations are up; I haven’t bought any presents; I have no food planned at all.
I’m also hopelessly broke (I’ve earned very little this year but still had to pay out loads because everything in France is calculated on previous years rather than current years). My personal account will be overdrawn again tomorrow, my savings account is dwindling and I still have a VAT bill to pay by the end of the week.
I also learned that my tinnitus and hearing loss (the result of a nasty ear infection) are both permanent.
I’m depressed, stressed about money (always), stressed about work, full of guilt regarding my dad… and to be honest, Christmas can just go take a hike. I would happily fast forward to January at this point…
That is a LOT. I am sorry.
I hope January comes quickly for you and contains a lot less of *all this*
Hugs to you. That is all horrid, horrid, horrid, and messy and emotionally complex along with being horrid. I hope bright spots appear for you somewhere.
Thinking of you
I bought the “big gift” in August. And then, got some things in October. Put up the tree after Thanksgiving. Then I quit Christmas. My middle child, 17, is traveling the last two weeks in December, so she won’t be home. My oldest child, 18, is caught up in her boyfriend going away for college on January 2nd. We have a 24lb turkey taking up too much space in my freezer, but it’s not worth defrosting for four people. I don’t know. I just feel defeated by this year.
Separated as we are by generation and life experience, I cannot understand how our anxious brains are so similar.
I’m sure this doesn’t bring you much comfort, but it certainly makes me feel less alone. I hope you get to enjoy the holiday season ❤️
Last lonely Christmas I reread lots of your blog posts from back when the children were tiny. I’m starting IVF this year, wish me luck and an appearance on the baby name blog in good time!
OK, everyone. Settle down and read this twice: once for the story and again for the poetry of the writing. I KNOW it’s a cowboy story and seriously not modern, but it will put you back on track with the Christmas Spirit.
https://dailyspeculations.com/laurel/stubby_pringle.html
I read it and do not recommend others do the same. But I was so weirded out by it that I went in search of information about the author, who probably wrote his own Wikipedia entry, a shining example of male-self regard. It’s a fun hate-read, if that is where your holiday needs lie right now:
[Victor] Niederhoffer is also the founder of the NYC Junto, a libertarian group hosted on the first Thursday of every month from 1985 to 2017. He is an enthusiast of Ayn Rand, and named two of his daughters Galt and Rand.[27] The NYC Junto focuses on libertarianism, Objectivism and investing and was inspired by the Junto hosted by Benjamin Franklin in Philadelphia from 1727 to 1757. He has six daughters and one son.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Niederhoffer
Thank you slim.
Thanks for reading it, Slim. I know it’s not for everyone, but I still get a kick out of it every year along with The Gift of the Magi (O. Henry), A Christmas Memory (Capote), The Homecoming (Hamner), and various cheesy, sentimental movies. Since everyone seems to be focused on making Christmas “perfect”, and then stressing because it really IS a lonely, often thankless job to do so, I thought a simple escape to a very different time might clear the soul a bit to read of someone else’s sacrifices.
I am in a different place from most of the readers. Late 60s, children all grown up and flown (one of them dead 4 years), widowed 3 years ago. My Christmas is MUCH simpler than in the years when I was the one making the magic and working myself to exhaustion trying to do everything perfect on a very small budget. I remember those years fondly, yet with some resentment, too, since the Mr. was sort of oblivious to the whole preparation thing. I would not tell other in-the-trenches mothers to “enjoy every moment” anymore than I’d give that advice to harried mothers of preschoolers, but the years DO have a way of slipping by, and believe it or not in most cases you will remember the good.
I will say that my grown boys and their wives are all my friends now, and the boys remember the magic, the homemade treats, the decorations, the atmosphere of our family years together. I am NOT sugar-coating this, I could be a flip-out mother, though I always started out reasonable. I tell the kids I am 90% Marmee March, and 10% Mommie Dearest.
I hope everyone gets all their stuff done and has a wonderful day with family.
I am sorry about the annual stress and resentment. I saw this today and thought of you. https://audacity.substack.com/p/the-hidden-labor-of-holiday-magic
This is a weird Christmas for me–not normal at all, but also not so lost as last year. Usually by now I just want Christmas to be over and things back to normal. Those feelings are creeping in, but not so strong as pre-2020. Part of it is, I want to volunteer for those in need, but that’s a challenge with two kids around. I know plenty of volunteer opportunities are out there, it’s just one more thing to figure out on an already bloated to-do list.
It is making me feel…strangely SO much better to know that I’m not the only one that is entirely not in the “mood” for Christmas this year. Or maybe just not in the mood for a regular Christmas. Correction: I’m ready for a regular Christmas and this just isn’t going to be one.
I live in Canada and we have an upswing in cases such that concerts are canceled! School is done early! Restrictions are coming back in on everything! The kids might not return to in-person schooling after the break! None of these things are a regular Christmas…and maybe I need to stop beating myself up about feeling like this isn’t a regular Christmas…because it isn’t.
I’m feeling festive where I can, but I think it’s time to give myself some grace and accept…this Christmas feels the least festive Christmas I’ve ever celebrated (honestly, it feels harder than last year because I was feeling so optimistic about 2021…and I’m just not getting that vibe from 2022). Sigh.
This line from one of the comments above stuck out to me: “The only saving grace is that it is a season that befits cocktails.”
I’m not much of a drinker, but the thought of some seasonal cocktails cheers me up. If I have anything, I usually just add a splash of Kahlua or Bailey’s to my hot chocolate. I’d love to hear some other ideas of favorite drink recipes!
A brandy Alexander, if you’re feeling retro (put some Perry Como and John Pizzarelli on the tune producer of your choice, and maybe have a manicure beforehand).
Or some coquito?
Spiked eggnog!
Yes to coquito! I making some tomorrow.
Stressed and resentful indeed. Need to vent and 99% sure the pertinent parties do not read your blog so here goes: I have split custody of my kids with my ex. This year I get Christmas Eve and he gets Christmas. Normally we have “family Christmas” (with my parents and my brother/wife and their three kids) on Christmas Day. But, I said multiple times to everyone, months and weeks ago and also literally yesterday: this year we need to have “family Christmas” on Christmas EVE since I won’t have the kids on the Day. My SIL called today to say they have a ski vacation planned and won’t be back until late Christmas Eve night and would I be able to arrange for a pre-made meal for us all to have on Christmas Day. Um. Not only is this a pretty last minute request to make, regardless of anything else, but you clearly missed the multiple messages that I WON’T HAVE THE KIDS ON CHRISTMAS DAY.
Um, what now?
We are skiing, will you arrange dinner?!?!?
PEOPLE!
What the actual….I can’t even.
Holding space for you. That’s enraging
Literally every person I have talked to in the past few weeks has expressed feeling rushed, like Christmas snuck up on them, and not really in the Christmas spirit, so we are all in good company here. As for me, I had to get rid of all my Christmas decorations when we moved in July (the outdoor storage at the apartment was not weather tight and got mold and rodents, so we trashed the entire contents). And then, Christmas snuck up on me and I just this past weekend ordered a tree and some decorations. So we may be putting our tree up on Christmas Eve, but we do have lots of presents and will have a good time. The kids will be here Christmas Eve, so we will be doing the Icelandic “chocolates and books” on Christmas Eve and I am really looking forward to that.
I didn’t know Icelandic chocolates and books was a thing… sounds like a tradition I would love!
Hoping everyone had a lovely day.
Well, SOMEbody hasn’t met my brother-in-law
I’m leaving tomorrow to visit my son in NYC, and also other family, and my husband is not coming with me because of COVID concerns (and because my mom has been DIFFICULT this year), which is fine and reasonable, and which might have been the decision I would make, too, but I don’t want to not see my son and I especially don’t want to not see him and have him think it’s my mom’s fault.
So I didn’t put up even our little tree this year, and I didn’t go gift shopping until yesterday (TJ MAXX is having HALF-OFF all Christmas stuff) and now I need to wrap it all and haul it up to NYC on Amtrak by myself and…
I could just not do it. But I’m going to do it because I really want to see my son.