I have a small and uncertain update on yesterday’s appalling story. I texted the main housecleaner—the one I always deal with, and the one who was not there yesterday. I told her what we’d found, and asked if she could ask the cleaning team if they knew what had happened. She said sure, she would call them right away. She then texted me back to say that they said that the box was in the trash, and they happened to notice the license and fished it out; the phrasing was unclear, but it sounded as if she was saying the license and other papers were already in the bag (the one that was taken inexplicably from the laundry room trash) when the cleaner found it, but there is room to think the cleaner just noticed the handy bag and used it (but then it would be weird for her to know which other papers in the trash were important and save those too).
She (the main housecleaner) said she was sorry this had happened, and she volunteered to come look through the trash. We have already looked through the trash very, very thoroughly. We have looked everywhere a stack of 15-20 bills could possibly have gone if they flew out of a box that fell off of a bureau into a trash can, even though that is not part of the story the cleaner is telling. We have picked through every single garage trash bin, including recycling bins, and we have looked all around the trash bins, and we have looked in every household trash can, and we have picked thoroughly through the one trash bag the cleaners always fill and leave next to the trash cans.
So. It seems to me the main theory is the one where one of the three cleaners who came yesterday is guilty, and the other two are not only innocent, but in fact one of them saved our bacon by noticing the license in the trash, or else that could have been lost, too, before we noticed the missing box. And this explains the “Why would they draw attention to the situation by leaving the other things on the counter?”: they didn’t, they threw away everything but the money, and it was only by chance that another cleaner noticed. But none of this is provable, and I don’t know what to do next.
All morning at work, what I was mostly wondering was what ELSE has been taken without us noticing? And can I ever let ANY cleaners back into the house, now that I will be anxiously on Theft Patrol at all times? My feeling right now is no. But at this point I don’t even know what to reply to the text.
Okay, I have replied thanking her for offering to go through the trash but saying we have already done so, and that the money is gone. I added that it was lucky someone had found the license. I don’t know what else to say, but I feel like I have time to think: it is two weeks before their next scheduled visit.
One thing to think about: I don’t know if I should mention to her that this is possibly the second time this has happened, given how uncertain that first time was. (At the time, I thought it Absolutely Could Not Have Been the cleaners—not that it was logistically impossible, but that they Never Would. It’s only the second disappearance of cash and gift cards that made me see the first time differently; plus, that the housecleaner mentioned that yesterday’s sub was the same one we had this past summer.) (But we don’t know if the money/cards disappeared at the SAME TIME the sub was subbing; and it took us an unclear amount of time to notice they were missing, which makes the timeline even more uncertain.)
Another thing to think about: whether there is any way for me to, like, still have the main housecleaner and any cleaner/helper who has been coming all along, but NOT the one who is stealing. I think that the only way for that to happen is for the main housecleaner to say to herself “Oh no. It’s So-and-so who is stealing,” and then say to me that she thinks she knows what happened, and that that person will never come back into my house. And that does not seem to be the way the conversation is progressing so far. So far she seems to be going with the idea that yes, it makes sense that a box fell into the trash, and that the money somehow disappeared in this process, but that none of her workers were involved. (I did tell her how much money was involved. She must know that $300 does not accidentally fall into a trash can and vanish.)
[Edited to add:] She has now sent a text asking if we know how much money it was (so she must have missed that part in my earlier text; perhaps she has been imagining a child-sized amount of money, like $10), saying she will reimburse it because it was her responsibility. Do we think this indicates that she has been processing this information and has realized that the money must have been taken?
I find that thinking of “getting the money back” helps almost zero. I need to know that the person who took it will not come back into my house. But I can’t expect her to KNOW who took it. And so I am still uncertain what to do next.
We had something like this happen a few years ago (no theft but a front door left wide open, SWINGING in the wind, for over 8 hours), and after going through quite a lot of the same difficulties you are now going through, I was finally able to say something to the effect of: “We trust you two completely, Person 1 and Person 2, and this whole thing is weird and unsettling but we would feel completely trustful that it would never happen again with only the two of you cleaning our home.”
I was able to do it over text, using lots of effusive punctuation. And somehow the emphasis on how much I loved working with Persons 1 and 2 smoothed over the fact that I was effectively asking that Person 3 specifically not come back into our home. And eventually it was as if it had been Person 1’s idea.
This story really stressed me out!!!
I think you take the money she’s offering and find a new cleaning service recommended and vouched for by a friend,acquaintance, etc.
After I read your other post with updates, the scenario you laid out above is the one I thought to be most likely. I’m so sorry. I would text her about the other incident if it were me, probably along the lines of something like “we had some more cash and gift cards go missing this summer when the sub was here and in conjunction with the incident yesterday we are unsure of how to proceed at this point.” I would purposely leave it open ended and see how she responds.
You clearly don’t want the sub there anymore, but it might be time to let all of them go, as I feel as if the relationship is soured. For the record, I’ve had numerous cleaning ladies throughout the years and never had anything stolen from me. So I hope this doesn’t ruin your experience (but totally understand if you need a break from house cleaners).
Yep. This is where I was yesterday. I’d say we also had an incident last summer and we thought maybe it was the sub/helper but was so uncertain that I didn’t say anything. Now I’m sure. I’d happy to have you continue to clean my house, but just you (main lady).
My mom had caregivers and housekeepers for years. We always had problems with subs stealing – mostly small stuff like $20 but it can make you feel crazy. One stole her credit card when she died to pay her cell phone bill (like we couldn’t figure out who did it). I don’t think that subs are inherently dishonest, but these are low paying jobs and the incentive of continued employment isn’t there when you only work twice a year at someone’s house.
Oh Swistle this is so hard. I had a co-worker in another office who I suspected was taking 20 or 40 bucks monthly (probably for lunch) or so because whenever I reconciled that office accounts they were off by that much. I couldn’t prove that it was her because others worked in that office. However it was only on days that she worked that it was off. When she quit they were never off again. Maybe you could do the suggestion above and just say next time she wants to sub with that person that you would just wait a cycle until your regular cleaners are back. Use Covid as an excuse or the fact that you are comfortable with the two regulars. She may know why you are requesting that but it is important that she checks out the sub.
I think getting the money back isn’t enough, because it wasn’t just a theft of money, but a theft of trust too. :-(
A friend’s regular cleaners were great and trustworthy AND the head cleaner/owner was married to someone the friend’s husband worked with regularly. Sometimes the cleaner would use her SIL as a sub, and things would go missing. Bringing it up was extra bonus touchy because of the husband/husband connection, but eventually my friend said she’d rather skip a week than have a different crew, and it sounded as though the owner was sort of relieved because she was giving her SIL work as a favor, and this way she was off the hook.
I like Erika’s suggestion of “this is what’s happened the two times sub has come so I don’t know what we do now.” Maybe the owner will get mad and fire you.
If something got broken or weren’t cleaned as well when the sub worked, I’d let it slide. But as things stand, having the cleaners come is not making your life better, and you’re paying for the privilege.
I think the most reasonable thing is to ask your cleaner that the sub not return to your home.
Gah I hate this. I think the sub cleaner stole the money and threw away the rest of the box and its contents.
I think owner needs to know this. A text that says you did not want to make accusations the first time but now this is the second time this person has been in your house and the second time things are missing means this person is not welcome in your home. She should also be thinking about using them as a sub again or with any of her other clients. You won’t be the only one. Her business may be at risk and she doesn’t know it.
As far as having her return to your house? GAH. Awkward. I don’t know. My desire for peace would say “no” but it might also have to do with how the owner responds in the end.
I wrote “gah” twice (and now three times) because the whole situation is icky.
Yes, I do think she is processing this and realizing one of her employees took the money. I can’t think of any other reason she would offer to reimburse! I would take her up on it and then kindly tell her with the uncertainty around the situation, the family is opting not to have housecleaners for the time being. Who knows, maybe in the future she will figure out who did it and let you know, and you can re-hire them!
I own a small business, and I would FAR FAR FAR rather have an uncomfortable conversation and repay 300 dollars than loose a client and/or my reputation with your friends. I am VERY conflict avoidant and I think I might text her “This is the second time we have had Sub clean and this is the second time we have had money go missing”. Then just…leave it hanging like that and see what she says? If theft is happening to you it’s happening to other clients too, and it will damage their business. You will be doing her a favor to bring this to her attention before her business looses trust with multiple clients.
Yes, exactly this. I’m a small business owner too, and I would a thousand times rather have you tell me so I can deal with the problem, than have you just fade away and tell all your friends not to hire us.
I have been thinking of almost nothing else since I read your earlier post and am gratified to read the update if not happy with its contents.
Two thoughts:
1. If it occurred to you to think “it’s definitely not the housekeeper” when W lost his gift cards, that seems in my head to connect the two events more clearly. If he had lost them and the housekeepers hadn’t been there in awhile, it seems less likely you would jump to that thought. This may make no sense at all outside of my own brain.
2. If there is any way to salvage the relationship – and there may not for all your good reasons – I would not hesitate to say that only the main housekeeper (and the main helper) can continue. In case of illness or vacation, you will just skip the week.
This is all so awful. I’m so sorry. And I DO hope that the most recent text is an indication that she has processed the situation and concluded that the fill-in helper is at fault.
I keep coming back to this:
I’m imagining I am cleaning someone else’s house, and I open a box, and inside there is a card that looks like a Driver’s License. I would a) check to see if it IS a Driver’s License, and then b) I would not throw it in the garbage.
I also would not throw out papers someone had saved in a box because I would presume, if someone had saved them, they were not trash. All of this seems bizarrely careless.
(I also would not throw $300 in the garbage.)
I agree with everyone else who says you should mention the things that went missing earlier this year; it will put things in a different perspective for the owner, as it did for you. I admit I also would not invite the cleaners back.
If the cleaner has been accredited by the Better Business Bureau, I think I’d file a complaint with them, too. After all, this might be happening in other people’s homes. :(
I’m with Amanda on this one. Twice this sub has been in your house and twice valuables have disappeared. If she’s doing it at your house, she’s doing it at others and awkward as it might be, the owner should be made aware. I hope she will listen and understand your point of view, but be prepared for her to defend her employee. I have a friend with a similar situation and as obvious as it was that some things were taken, the owner of the business refused to believe his employee was a thief.
I hope she appreciates you bringing it to her attention and pays restitution. Good luck!
Were gift cards and money “lost” this time? Also, was it when the same questionable cleaner was there last summer?
I think you’re right about a cleaner finding the license in the trash and retrieving it, not knowing that a co-worker had dumped it. I have to say, there are lots of desperate people who need money and are not capable of thinking things through, even if it means getting canned or prosecuted. The person is probably counting on the fact that you may be too uncomfortable to approach the head cleaner and there is no “proof”. The money is gone because it’s in someones pocket or up their arm or nose.
I would be very up-front with your head cleaner. This is not a time to be shy about giving her the whole truth including what happened in the summer, as this is very serious. It’s in her best interest to find out what’s going on. She will be able to know who fished out the license. She can get feedback from the other cleaners. She also knows who has been with her a long time and can be trusted. If this has happened to you, it will happen to other clients. Not good for business and the police could get involved. Do her the favor of being up-front with her including the loss this summer, while telling her that you are comfortable with her and her other cleaner continuing to clean for you.
I had a similar thing happen with a contractor. Three men were pulling up old tile in the kitchen. one evidently went into our bedroom and took photos of two credit cards my husband had not used in over a year, then must have sold the info as we had a great varity of items purchase with them from different areas. They were in the bottom of a drawer and the perpetrator left them laying on top of the other items in the drawer so we knew for certain that they had been found. This very reputable builder was horrified when I told him. He was VERY thankful that I was straightforward with him and he was able to know who was in our house at the time. (he keeps detailed accounts of all his many employees on his phone) I actually told him this in person as I felt it was too serious to explain over the phone. When he looked up who was doing the work that day, he said to me, “I know this man and this man and they’ve been with me for some time…but I don’t know this third man…” I know he took care of it. I promised we wouldn’t tell anyone about this as we didn’t want to impact his reputation in a negative way. He was very grateful and I’ve referred him to others.
Am I the only one who scanned the comments for a continuation of LeighTX’s advice (which I thought was spot-on in the first installation of this situation)?
Clearly you’re right: someone took the money, grabbed a bag out of the trash and chucked the rest of the box’s contents in it and tried to throw it out, and recycled the box. Someone else happened to see the driver’s licence in the bag and thought it was odd and fished it out for you to find.
I probably wouldn’t mention the other incident until I had the timing down in my head for sure, because the fact is that the way this incident unfolded is damning enough that I’d want to take action even without factoring in the other incident. It’s not unreasonable to say you know your kid didn’t throw out his driver’s licence and papers and then misplace the money and chuck the box, all between taking out some $ the day before and the time this all went down.
P.S. Take the money she offered you! This should be her loss, not Edward’s or yours. She’s right, it’s her responsibility. She can figure out how to get it from the thief.
if i were the cleaner, i would much rather you tell me “this is the second time cash has gone missing when [sub] is here. we love you and [other main cleaner], but we don’t want [sub] in our house again. if you and [other main cleaner] aren’t available, we will just skip a week” than just stop using my service.
this is a deeply shitty situation! please let us know what you decide, i am now extremely invested.
I agree with everyone who said you should tell the head cleaner about the other incident, and that it happened when this sub cleaner was there. I would frame it as “We didn’t think to mention it to you at the time, because of course we have the utmost trust in you, but knowing that it’s been the sub cleaner both times puts things in a different light.”
I really think the owner will want to know what happened the other time. She’s offering to reimburse you because they don’t want to lose you as a client, and *maybe* because she realizes that the cleaner is at fault, or maybe just because it’s worth it to her not to lose you. But if it’s happening at your house, it’s happening at other houses, and it’s not fair to the owner not to let her know what’s going on.
I had a much less fraught but still awkward situation with our cleaning service: they started sending a different person to clean, and she just didn’t do a good job at all. I didn’t say anything the first two or three times, but then I found myself just re-cleaning everything and I realized that I either had to say something, or find a new cleaning service, and I thought I owed it to the service not to just cancel. So I sent a very hesitant, polite text to the owner saying that the new cleaner just didn’t seem to use the same methods as the others and the results were not what we had gotten used to. She immediately apologized and put a different cleaner on our schedule. I felt so awkward sending it (I feel awkward enough having someone else clean my house, let alone saying that they’re not doing it up to my precious standards!), but it was totally a non-issue. I know this is more serious, but I do think owners of small companies like these really want their customers to be satisfied.
Definitely tell the main house cleaner about the first time. She needs to know. Something like “I need to tell you something that seemed less important last summer but is important now. My other son had money and gift cards go missing last summer when Person X was a sub. We were sure my son misplaced the money and cards but after this second time we don’t think so anymore. I feel like this is something you needed to know.”
Yikes. Adding my vote to texting something that is as clear as possible and not passive aggressive or vague. I believe it is most kind and authentic to be absolutely clear and stick to facts. You just say, yes to the reimbursement, this is the second time something has gone missing while her staff was cleaning your house (you can suggest is was the sub since at no other time have there been difficulties but I think you’re venturing into uncertain territory if you make accusations directly about the sub) and that you aren’t comfortable with her business cleaning your house any longer. You could say you are sorry and you realize she herself wasn’t involved. But the fact is, it’s her business and her bad judgment hiring this person. This person sounds pretty brazen to me so I doubt this is his/her first offense!). Good luck!
Agreed that you should explain about previous loss.
Also, if you decide you want to keep having cleaners, I would tell the owner that you’re only comfortable having them there when owner is present. No subs.
Just one more thing– you wondered if the offer to replace the money might indicate that the owner is realizing this was a theft. Maybe, but also maybe just a small business owner realizing that reputation and client satisfaction is worth far more than $300. I’m sure they are worried about keeping you as clients or at least preventing you from ranting about them all over social media.
I’m so sorry for all the stress of trying to decide how to handle this.
I am in the minority on this one, but I’m not sure I would mention the first incident. You aren’t sure if it coincided with her being there, and per the comment above, at the time it didn’t even occur to you that it could’ve been the cleaner. I would think that might’ve occurred to you if you’d recently had a new person around.
I am still in the camp of giving the cleaning service the benefit of the doubt on the one. Maybe it’s just because we’ve had all sorts of things appear to be missing that were later found. One time we had cash show up as missing and later found out my then 4 year old found it in the “hiding” spot and took it.
I definitely think it’s fair to tell the owner you’re only comfortable with her and don’t want subs any longer. That only seems fair to her. I don’t think I would ask to be reimbursed due to the situation not being totally clear. I would chalk it up as an expensive lesson for Edward to learn.
Sorry, but what lesson is Edward learning?
Good question, Dr. Maureen. By not standing up for what is right and good even if it’s uncomfortable, Edward is learning that bad people can get away with doing bad things that could possibly be made right if they were made accountable. The only way to do that is by being completely honest with the head cleaner. She surely would be thankful for this. How many more customers will be victimized? And, what lesson are we teaching the one who stole the money.?
Wow, that is a very smite-y sort of lesson.
How about showing Edward that you can have an honest discussion about concerns without brash accusations?
I concur with the other commenters who said to be clear with the owner that the same thing happened over the summer with the sub, and that you had been absolutely sure it could not be the cleaners at that time, because you repose so much trust in your usual cleaning crew. If you feel comfortable with your usual crew, keep having them, but say subs are not going to be permitted and take the $300.
This sounds so very stressful for you to deal with, and poor Edward, $300 is a lot for a teenager.
I am so sorry about ALL OF THIS. It is a really awful situation. I would agree that you should look for a new house cleaner and that it seems appropriate to mention the summer incident. Good luck here. Poor Edward.