Commenters kellyg and Megan are asking for information about the college-search process, particularly books that might help. This is the kind of question I LONG to answer, without being particularly competent at doing so: not only has it been almost four years since I went through it, I am not sure I particularly grasped the process even the second time through it. I will just say some things, and hope others can add more things.
ONE. I think of “spring of junior year” as the time to start the whole thing. But because I have spring of junior year in mind, I find I’m automatically starting to talk about it with them now, in fall of junior year. Low-pressure conversations, more like general chatting about do they have anything at all in mind about college. City or not? Far away or near? Same college as a sibling or deliberately avoid? A college that specializes mostly in their major and related majors, or something more general with more options and more interaction with people in other majors? So far we have almost nothing, but my hope is that the chatting makes them start to think about it.
TWO. Plus, fall of junior year is the PSATs. Once kids take those, they will start getting INUNDATED with college materials. HEAPS of brochures in the mail! More emails than we used to get from The Children’s Place! Just…TONS of material. So that feels like The Beginning, in a sense. But you don’t have to START-start, yet.
THREE. Your high school guidance/counseling department may host some parental information seminars. Ours had two, and we went to both, and one of them was mostly about financial aid and the FAFSA (federal financial aid application form), and I’ve forgotten what the other one was. I took a lot of notes and got quite agitated about it, but also felt as if I had a better grasp on what was going on; and it was soothing to get the feeling that we were just the most recent set of parents/students going through an annual process that was familiar to SOMEONE if not to us. Also, they seemed like they knew that what we wanted to hear was things such as “BE SURE you do THIS thing NOW” and “Don’t forget to do THIS OTHER THING by THIS DATE.” And funny stuff like “Wait until you see what the FAFSA thinks you can afford to pay per year for college!”
FOUR. College visits! Here is what I learned: (1) If you are like me and you are overwhelmed by this, just pick the EASIEST POSSIBLE COLLEGE to visit first, whether or not your kid has any interest in that particular school. Getting the ball rolling helped me CONSIDERABLY, and as soon as we’d seen ONE college, I found EVERYONE’S enthusiasm was a little higher for seeing MORE. (2) Take COPIOUS notes, and at least a few pictures. It is amazing how every college blends into every other college. I had a college visit notebook, and wrote down just anything/everything that seemed even mildly relevant, and I ended up consulting those notes a lot more often than I’d thought I would, just to remember which college was which. (3) Wear comfortable shoes, be prepared for far more stairs at a far faster pace than you might prefer (tours are led by perky, active college students), and bring a water bottle and a snack. (4) Quite a few colleges have virtual tours, if visiting in person is not safe and/or too overwhelming. You can also choose to wait to visit a college until after the student is accepted there. (5) For a fun little game, see if you can figure out which buzzwords the college wants their representatives to lean heavily on! Each school seemed to have approximately three, from a list that included diverse, flexible, cooperative-rather-than-competitive, interdisciplinary, etc.
FIVE. We purchased one so that we could write in it, dog-ear the pages, take it on car trips without worrying about losing it, etc., but libraries often have huge honking college guides that have a little comparative write-up on a whole lot of colleges, and this CAN be overwhelming or it CAN be super-helpful. We got the Fiske Guide to Colleges, and I don’t remember why I chose that one, but it’s the one I’ll probably buy the updated version of in the next few months unless someone says “Wait, this other guide is way better!” It was handy for getting an overview of the school that is separate from the sales pitch the school gives for itself, and it was handy to be able to flip back and forth between two schools comparing their stats. Rob ended up choosing a college that appeared on the “People who applied to this college also applied to these” list.
SIX. I think the only thing that threw me into an OH NO WE DIDN’T THINK OF THAT panic was the SATs senior year. And I’ve been hearing that a lot of colleges are not worried about those anymore, so this might be irrelevant. But at the time, some of the schools wanted the regular SATs plus specialized tests in certain subjects, and those tests were held infrequently, and I’d thought we had all fall to think about it but many sections were full, and other sections wouldn’t have the results in time for the college to consider them, so anyway it was a panicky time and I ended up paying some fees for last-minute scheduling and rescheduling, and he had to drive a considerable distance to take one of the tests, but it was all fine in the end, and now it probably doesn’t matter so much! Which I think would be REALLY GOOD, because it was very frustrating to have a kid taking a specialized test in math when he still had a WHOLE YEAR OF MATH LEFT. Or taking the Physics SAT when he’d taken Physics almost a year earlier. The whole thing seems weird.
SEVEN. I remember Rob and William both put off the application process until I was nearly SCREAMING. The deadline was in December sometime (I think? it was awhile ago), for colleges that had a deadline (as opposed to the ones that accept/process applications at any time). I couldn’t do the work for them; I couldn’t seem to make them do it. William submitted his last application at eleven-fifty-something for a midnight deadline. I know high schools are already expected to do so much, but a fall-of-senior-year Filling Out the College Applications course, where a counselor divides up the process into assignments, would be SO VALUABLE.
EIGHT. One reassuring thing is that the high school AND the colleges ALL wish the students to complete everything they need to complete by the deadlines. And so there will be cues along the way: the high school will host SATs; the colleges will nag helpfully about filling out the FAFSA and about their application deadlines; the senior year English class might work on college admissions essays; etc. As long as you are wringing your hands fretfully, you will probably catch the cues.
The SAT subject tests are no more!! So that helps simplify things a little.
THANK HEAVENS
As someone who just went through this process within my now college freshman daughter, I would add that just because a school is SAT/ACT optional for admissions, doesn’t mean it is test optional when it comes to merit awards and scholarships. Almost all of the money she received from various schools (public, private, different geographic locations) was based on class rank AND her SAT score.
Yes! This! I have a friend who works in the Honors program of a large state school and they DEFINITELY look at SAT scores for scholarship purposes. But don’t forget that it can be taken multiple times, so have your student start early and take it more than once.
We are doing this right now (high school senior). I’m trying NOT to be panicked that we’re behind, because we’re not. Most applications for regular decision are not due until January. If you want the school’s scholarships, those applications are usually due by the Early Action deadlines, which are typically October/Nov.
I’m seconding the idea that you do NOT have to visit a school before you apply to it.
Well, apparently we are not going to visit any schools before my son (hs senior) gets accepted, because he did nothing. NO-Thing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G to arrange visits during fall break next week, despite being asked in August and complaining nonstop for a whole year (of COVID) that we weren’t taking him on college tours.
Deep breath.
He’s not behind, but it sure does feel like they are when other people seem so on the ball and ahead of where we are in this whole thing.
But, you are right. Applications aren’t due until January. And, there is always community college if he really doesn’t get his act together. (which, as a parent seems like a very excellent, inexpensive way to go – as a student, seemed like a horrible death sentence — has this perception changed in the last 20 years?)
We found it helpful to visit a couple different kinds of schools junior year: a small liberal arts college (if you see SLACs mentioned in college discussions, that’s what they are); a medium-sized college, and a large college. That gave our son a way to narrow down schools he wanted to apply to, because it turned out he found the SLAC we visited way too small (under 2000) for him (so he didn’t apply to any SLACs), and liked the one large (30,000 undergrad) school we visited but found the size the main drawback (so he kept it on his list but didn’t apply to any others that size), and loved the particular medium-sized school (about 8000 undergrad) we visited, and was sure that the size was one thing about it that appealed to him (he we looked for other midsized schools).
It also helped him figure out that he preferred a school in or near a city, but with a defined campus (as opposed to some city schools that don’t really have a campus but are just part of the city).
You can get an idea of this by visiting the schools nearest your home that seem to fit a variety of categories: small/medium/large, urban/suburban,/rural, or something else. That can give you and your kid an idea where to focus a search.
Then discuss: do they have preferences about distance from home, about how easy it will be to get home for vacation? How about regions of the country? Is weather important to them (don’t want to be somewhere with very cold winters, etc) or not?
We’re on the East Coast and my kid was good with being a flight away (since he wanted to be near a city, changing planes wasn’t going to be required, which makes trips easier); he narrowed schools down to several schools in the midwest and northeast, one on the West Coast (further than he preferred but worth it to him for that specific school), a couple in the south (not his preference but worth it to him for those schools), and a couple in our state. He didn’t want to be within an hour’s drive of home, so didn’t look at the closest schools to us (might have if they fit his other parameters more).
We did the visit a range of colleges during sophomore year spring break: big/small, isolated/city, etc., then did a tour of colleges that fit the chosen parameters for spring break junior year. Well, we did the junior year thing for the oldest. Second oldest’s spring break junior year was March 2020, so.
I didn’t visit the college I ended up attending until October of my senior year, a fact I remind myself of when I’m trying to figure out how to plan college visits around youngest kid’s activities.
For all you parents who are wondering if your kids are ever going to get it together, I will say that the kid who often had to do laundry the night before school (so as to have something to wear the next day) did a great job of managing his applications — writing essays, getting recommendations, etc — with very little nudging from me. Thank goodness. I guess he really wanted to get away.
Just went through this with our college freshman – pandemic Junior and Senior years are FUN! /s
re: Testing, check the potential schools’ testing requirements, and the final tests-for-scholarships deadlines. She was looking as southeast coast and gulf coast schools, and all of them accepted the ACT, so she only took that, twice junior year, and once December of senior year. But that last one only counted at a couple of schools when it came to determining scholarship awards, the others had late November/early December deadlines and she didn’t have her score back in time.
Visiting a school during the school’s spring break or a weekend doesn’t give you a great idea of what it’s like to be on campus – for us, since we were looking at schools 800+ miles away, having to take time off work and travel was a given, but we went ahead and let her miss a couple days of school as well in order to visit while the college was in session. And yes to the walking and pace – don’t schedule more than one visit/day, even if you are doing a trip and trying to cram as many as you can.
Start the financial aid/loan/who is paying for what and how much conversation early. Be very honest about what your intentions are in regards to contributing (or not) to the cost, and make them math out the true cost of attendance – not just tuition, but housing/food, books, etc. The housing was more expensive than tuition for almost all of the schools we looked at. Her number 1 pick was a v. expensive private school, $30k A YEAR above what we were willing/able to contribute , and we all agreed that she should not go into debt for undergrad. She was able to choose a different school without being too heartbroken, and put the dream school in her back pocket for possible grad school later.
Becky, you bring up a good point. When people my age were applying to college, they often only took the SAT or ACT, but ALL colleges accept both now, with no preference for either.
The financial piece of this is so important. I was completely ignorant about the process and didn’t tell my son to consider the cost and apply to some less expensive schools. I naively figured he and I would get loans and everything would be fine. He got accepted to every school he applied to and they were all outrageous. His top pick was $67k/year and even with a scholarship for $35k it was still more than either of us could take on. The other schools weren’t much cheaper and he ended up at community college then transferring. He graduated almost two years ago from a very good school without debt but it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. I guess I’m just saying don’t be me. Figure out the costs beforehand and what you can afford or are willing to take on.
And on the other side of the coin (coin! get it? nyuk nyuk nyuk), let your kid know if you can afford something. It’s quite common around here for parents to say state U or nothing, and somehow middle kid got it into his head that he had to go in state, which he did not. And we’d taken him to visit a range of schools, so I don’t know what he thought was happening. We were taunting him?
It’s certainly better then the reverse, but make sure your kid knows the floor and the ceiling of what you’re willing to pay.
(Kid ended up going in state, but that was his choice)
For books about college selection, I really like Where You Go is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni. He cuts through some of the noise and talks about how success does not depend on getting into somewhere with prestige and a comparably high price tag.
I also HIGHLY SECOND the comment about having honest conversations with your student about the financial aspects of choosing a school. I went to a fine but unremarkable regional state university for undergrad (in part because they would pay my way) and had a blast. Then later I got two fully funded graduate degrees from highly regarded programs elsewhere. My wife and I often remark on how incredibly relieved and fortunate we are to not be struggling with student loan debt (because all our money goes toward daycare costs instead now!). So many of my friends are saddled with student loan debt all these years later when they have other financial priorities in life now, and it can be a real struggle.
I also recommend applying to as many scholarships as is feasible. For whatever reason, the money is often much more available for incoming first-years than for continuing college students. Even three hundred bucks toward books from the local credit union for writing an essay will be some of the easiest money they’ll ever get.
Yes to all of this! Undergrad is not destiny. If you are interested in grad school, go for prestige IF it’s funded. Dinky little scholarships add up- apply apply apply.
When I was in high school, my mom worked for our state’s network of public universities, and one of the perks of her job was that I got significantly reduced tuition at any of their campuses. My parents STRONGLY ENCOURAGED me to look at those schools first, for obvious reasons. I toured the ones that appealed to me (plus a few I wasn’t sold on but we happened to be passing through the area anyway), applied to the ones I liked the best, and ended up getting into my first choice. I also applied to some other schools (some private, some public but out-of-state, some public and in-state but not in the same network so I didn’t qualify for reduced tuition), but none of them offered me any money and the tuition would have been too expensive out-of-pocket.
I also wish that high schools offered a one-semester class on applying to college – or at the very least, periodic application workshops scheduled during the school day (because I feel like students would be more inclined to go if it meant they got to miss a class period or two). And I wish it were easier to find information about colleges that doesn’t come directly FROM the colleges – it’s hard to figure out what to believe when every school is claiming to be the best at everything ever. Also maybe a presentation about how long it ACTUALLY takes to pay off student loans, perhaps with a word of advice to consider that when applying to some of the pricier options. (Or maybe just show them John Mulaney’s “I gave them ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS” bit.)
My son is currently a HS senior. Books I recommend are: The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber and Who Gets In and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions by Jeffrey Selingo. Due to Covid and the fact that my kid wants to go to the East Coast for college (we live in California), we have not visited ANY schools on his list. We have visited a variety of colleges around here and while traveling in the past, however. He has watched too many kids fall in love with the PERFECT school and then not get in, or get in and find out they got no merit, so it’s going to cost upwards of $50,000/year. We agreed that we will visit schools as soon as he is accepted and the money seems feasible. We have been entirely upfront with him about what we (as parents) can contribute, and his main goal is to graduate without debt. Talk about the money early and often!
COMMON DATA SET!!! Almost every college has one. Google: “Schoolname common data set”. I find them fascinating! It’s really the only apples to apples comparison for so many facts. How many kids graduated in four years? How much merit was awarded? How many males vs. females? etc. etc.
Make sure your kid asks for teacher recommendations EARLY. My kids attend a very large title one school. My son asked for his the week before school started in August, which was early for his school. Ideally he would’ve asked in the spring, but Covid.
My son is applying to nine schools, and with the supplemental essays, it’s a lot. He started his main Common App essay in July, and even he is SO thankful now. He’s got a couple supplementals left, but will definitely be done in time for any November 1st deadlines. It takes time to write all of them, especially if your kid is a busy extracurricular kind of kid.
We also like Fiske and bought one to mark up. We do also use niche.com, particularly to see fast facts and to see how students describe their school. For instance, if he sees, “large Greek life,” he knows it’s not for him.
A spreadsheet is your friend if your kid is applying to a number of schools! Deadlines, requirements, etc. We refer to his all the time.
YES the spreadsheet!! I did not keep one, but Rob did, and William followed his example.
Common data set!!! OMG. My daughter is a HS senior and I feel like I know A LOT about the admissions process and I have never heard of this!!! How fascinating!!!
I don’t have much advice bc my daughter is right in the thick of things. Just perhaps grant yourself & your child as much grace as possible bc it’s just not a fun process.
I feel like the Common Data Set is THE most important info, and it is so rarely talked about. Forget all the slick marketing materials — what you need is the CDS. The Price You Pay for College (a book I mentioned above) is where I really learned about the CDS. Good luck!
Swistle, you offered excellent advice.
Your timing is right on, start learning about the FAFSA now (juniors), the Fiske guide is the best, tour colleges anywhere you are (even if you don’t think that is the school for you, the information you get about campus size, feel, etc will help you with future tours).
I am a college admissions counselor and I’m happy to exchange a few emails with people if they have questions or concerns, collegewithsara@gmail.com. I won’t push services, I promise!
My favorite book for the DIY approach is College Match: A Blueprint for Choosing the Best School for You, and the worksheet page from the companion website, schoolbuff.com by Steven Antonoff. Also, if your school system uses Naviance or SCOIR, there are a ton of resources built-in that the students rarely use. Career assessments, list builders, etc.
Whoa whoa , your twins are high school juniors now?????
I picture them as the babies in the little pen, making messes….
All this seems like good info! I’m mentally filing this stuff for 3 years (welp!) from now when we’ll be in the thick of it for my oldest kid.
Can someone please settle an argument I have with my husband? I remember reading here a while ago that FAFSA will take into account all assets (except maybe retirement and home value) when determining what you can pay- like, if you have stocks, they expect you to cash out. Is this true? Do we need to silo all our money into education- and retirement-specific accounts? Are we SUPER lucky to be worrying about this? (Yes). Help!
So pretty much every college has a net price calculator on their website, and you should start playing around with some of them now, and look at section H of the school’s Common Data Set (it lays out what they gave in need-based and non-need-based merit for the previous school year). If you’re in a position to have to worry about whether to try silo-ing your money, then, honestly, your EFC (expected family contribution) is going to be high, and it’s probably not worth the hassle to move money around. FAFSA is just a tool. Very few colleges meet ALL financial need for every student. (Here’s a list: https://blog.prepscholar.com/colleges-that-offer-complete-financial-aid) Many give, say, $10,000 in merit and then offer loans (to the parents!) for the rest. This is why I recommend reading Ron Leiber’s The Price You Pay for College. It’s a whole book about this topic, and it’s truly pretty fascinating.
Another thing to note — about half of the (private) schools my son is applying to require us to fill out the CSS as well as the FAFSA. The CSS is WAY more financial info (my friend said she felt violated after finishing it!). The CSS really does ask about everything, including your house value and retirement accounts. Good luck, college costs are overwhelming, I know!
FAFSA looks at all assets owned by parents and kids except primary home and retirement accounts (ira, 401k and the like). The expect up to 5.6% of your “unprotected” assets to go towards college but it’s not straightforward because the math has to do with the parents age and total net worth. They also look at contributions to retirement accounts the year prior to applying, so if you want to move money to retirement accounts you can’t do it last minute.
So in summary money in retirement accounts and equity in your primary residence don’t count towards FAFSA but other assets depends on a complicated formula.
I really appreciate this explanation!
What surprised us about the FAFSA and the college financial aid process was how those education-specific accounts were evaluated by financial aid officers. We had money in separate 529s for each child and there was more in the account for child #2 because that child is special needs and we anticipated needing to pay more for her college than for child #1 (or #3). But when we got the financial aid offers for child #1, it turned out that they calculated that ALL the money in ALL the 529s was available for child #1’s education. When we questioned this, we were told that this is standard procedure because you can roll the money from one child’s 529 to another’s and there is no guarantee that child #2 and #3 will need the money at all. The attitude was very “*shrug* the later kids will get more aid than the first one. This first one gets all your saved money.”
YES. We had some money my grandparents left us to divide among the kids’ college educations. But financial aid says it all counts for the first child, because what if the other four don’t go to college.
Thank you. I have a fall of junior year kiddo right now, and my memory of college admissions is hazy at best and probably completely irrelevant to today’s student. We went to college night, and I was completely overwhelmed given the short time frame and sheer number of lines to queue up in for brochures and elevator pitches. So now I’m lost as to what needs to happen. I appreciate your hit points so much because maybe I don’t have to be so overwhelmed and lost right at this minute. You’re the best!
I am already pre-stressed about the FAFSA, even though my kid is only a sophomore. I share custody with her dad 50/50 (it’s pretty much a true 50/50 since we live 10 min apart). Neither of us is remarried. The issue at hand is whose financial info we use (an argument could be made that there is no “primary” parent in our situation so I feel comfortable making the decision based on the effect it would have on total expected contribution).
I make quite a bit more money than her dad, but I ALSO am the owner of her 529 plan, which wouldn’t get preferential treatment as a “parent asset” if we use his info (I do NOT trust him enough to transfer the 529 plan). This upcoming tax year (2022) will be the year her first FAFSA is based on, so I feel like we (I) need to run the numbers on this soon as there are some things I could do to “manage my earnings” (OMG DID I MENTION I’M A CPA AND CAN STILL BARELY HANG WITH THIS SHIT) if I’m going to be reporting my info.
Well, this entire comment sounds like a something straight out of Word Problem Hell, and I AM SORRY.
I’ve heard that they are changing/simplifying the FAFSA, but that the rollout has been delayed? Anyone have the tea on that?
Well I have more college stuff to vent, but I’ll just leave this one here to marinate in case anyone wants to solve it for me lol.
I literally just completed the FAFSA. It sucks in data directly from your taxes (2020 for this fall), and honestly wasn’t that difficult. Since you’re a CPA it will be a piece of cake.
The CSS is truly a PITA, though! Is there an aunt, uncle or grandparent who you could transfer ownership of the 529 plan to? My kids’ are “owned” by my parents, so they are not reported on the FAFSA, although they still are on the CSS.
I can’t help with the divorced parents situation — that sounds like a pickle!
@Tessie – I think you have to literally count days since all non-leap-years have an odd number of days, although some sites say you need to use the parent who makes the most money because they (theoretically) provide the most financial support.
https://www.experian.com/blogs/ask-experian/how-does-financial-aid-work-for-divorced-parents/
I don’t have good answers I just came here to say that I was also a CPA in my past and yet filling out the CSS form made me feel simultaneously like my head was going to explode and enraged that they made it so complicated that so many people would simply give up. I mean what if English wasn’t my first language or I didn’t have a great education or I didn’t have what felt like 1,000 hours to puzzle through the damned thing because I was working 2 jobs etc? I spent a not insignificant amount of time mumbling under my breath “I was a god damned CPA for Christ’s sake, why can’t I figure this out? Why is it so confusing? mumble mumble mumble”
My daughter is eligible for a scholarship that has an official deadline of December but I’ve heard through the grapevine that they take early submission into account and she WILL NOT BUDGE on filling out the application. I know how little nagging will help but it’s a gigantic scholarship. Uggggggggh
How can they be so smart *in* school and yet so notsmart about school-adjacent stuff?
Can I had you a jar to collect your screams?
Here’s what I have to add: We also use spring of junior year as the time to get serious about it, but PSATs are given for free at my kids’ high schools in fall of the sophomore year so that’s when they took/will take them. We used the Princeton Review guide and liked it, for pretty much the same reasons you liked the Fiske. We required/will require the kids to apply to at least one state school, as a financial safety school, in case scholarships don’t materialize. (The older one is at a private school on a generous merit scholarship.) And the last thing I want to say is the college visits were A LOT of fun, more than I expected, and I’m looking forward to doing that part again.
This is all so helpful! Thank you. My kids are sophomores now. I recently read The Price You Pay For College by Ron Lieber, which talked a lot about how to choose a college based on what you value/want to get out of a college experience, as well as HOW TO PAY. Highly recommend this book – it was easy to read and made the process less intimidating. I feel more prepared now, and I’m glad to hear that I’m not behind. I’ve been trying to nudge my kids into doing an occasional college visit but so far they are not interested in thinking about it.
Huge thanks to Swistle and commenters for all of this info! This is an amazing collection of resources and experiences.
I have a Senior, who dragged her feet about everything and we’re just now doing college tours (two today). She has decided to apply to every school that sends her an application fee waiver, which has led to some interesting schools that I didn’t even know existed.
I didn’t think the FAFSA was terrible, honestly. But we have a very straightforward financial situation and know that we will qualify for $0.
Yesterday, she spoke with a school about their accelerated BSN program. If she’s accepted, the tuition is locked, and it’s $90K total with a BSN earned in 34 months. I died inside, then took a step back and said, OK, it’s $30K a year, for 3 years (in state regular college with living would be $22-$36K per year for 4 years). She gets a degree that has a pretty high job placement ratio. If she comes back to the house and lives with us for just a few years, and makes aggressive payments, she can get that paid down in a reasonable amount of time.
My high school Junior doesn’t know what she wants to do, or if she even wants to go to college, despite being in the top 10% of her class and having a very good SAT score. Schools want her. She doesn’t want them. I don’t feel that she needs to go to college and won’t push her to spend money on something that she doesn’t want to do.
You and your commenters have covered so many good things. I don’t have much to add mainly because Oldest is a college freshman this year and I suspect (hope?) his college search and application process was very usual due to the pandemic.
I have one recommendation that saved our sanity: we set up a gmail account before Oldest signed up for the SAT and he used that gmail account exclusively for the SAT and to apply to colleges. As a result, the flood of emails he received after taking the SAT didn’t clog up his personal email inbox, all of his college application and decision emails came to that one address and nothing else, and I could check the email every day (yes, yes, I know Oldest was 18, he should have been able to track the emails himself etc, but you work with the kid you have, you know? And the kid I have NEVER looks at email) If I hadn’t also been able to look at it, he wouldn’t have known he needed to supplement his financial aid documents or add other things to his application because all of those notices came to the email. It was a lifesaver on more than one occasion.
You hate for cost to be a consideration when your child is thinking of college, but it absolutely should be. It’s a huge commitment for families and for young people, and from my experience too many families allow their kid to pick a school without considering cost and then leave it up to the kid to pay for it, saddling them with outrageous debt. I’ve even heard of parents taking out loans on their child’s behalf and then after graduation handing them the paperwork and saying, “Here’s your loans!” And the child didn’t even know they’d have loans to pay.
So my advice is twofold: One, consider community college. Even if your student only takes classes there on summer and winter break, they can knock out one or two semesters’ worth of classes at one-tenth (not kidding) the price of state college tuition & housing. My older daughter lived at home and did two years of community college and then graduated from a good state school, and THAT school is the one on her resume. My younger daughter did enough AP, dual credit, and community college that when she went away to college at 18 she was classified as a sophomore. Every penny you save, helps.
Two, communicate with your kid about finances. What is your responsibility to pay, what is theirs; help them make a workable budget; decide who will pay for sorority dues or books or dorm room decor. Put it all in writing, so there are no surprises later. And even if it means they can’t go to their “dream school,” or have to transfer in after a couple of years elsewhere, be realistic about the costs. Don’t let them go $160,000 into debt and graduate with a degree in a field with an average salary of $40,000; they will bear the brunt of that debt forever.
My two cents on the ‘all the colleges blur’ — do something interest/fun/different with each visit. Then it becomes a mnemonic. “Which was that?” “We saw that one the day we had those RIDICULOUS milkshakes!” “That one was the day we also bought you those boots!”
We used that with both my kids and it helped GREATLY!
Coming back a few days late to say THANK YOU to Swistle and the Swistle community for all of your advice. I picked up The Price You Pay For College. I think my first step is to talk finances with husband and make sure we are on the same page in how much we pay for. Then start checking out different kinds of colleges/universities. Fortunately 2 summers ago my junior spent a week on the campus of one of our large state schools for a STEM camp. It gave her a taste of what living in a dorm/navigating a dining hall will be like.
Again, thank you. I was starting to get overwhelmed and needed a place to start.