Elizabeth has had her driver’s license for less than a week, and she has already been in an accident: she stopped for a pedestrian, and another car rear-ended her—at the VERY PLACE where I have MANY TIMES complained (not here, but in the realm of life where people can hear me audibly vocalizing) that other drivers will assess the situation before their eyes and immediately decide that there is NO OTHER REASONABLE CONCLUSION than that you (I) must be a GIANT IDIOT who has stopped for LITERALLY NO REASON, as people apparently FREQUENTLY DO in their imagination, and so they will ROAR AROUND YOU (me), sometimes HONKING in a way they believe to be communicative—and thus end up NEARLY FLATTENING THE PEDESTRIAN YOU WERE (I was) STOPPING FOR. Or, in this case: they will end up driving into the back of your (Elizabeth’s) stopped-for-a-pedestrian car, denting the corner clean inward but neatly missing the tail light, and then leaping out and apologizing profusely and calling themselves an idiot and saying they totally see how the entire thing was their fault, and that they are so sorry, and are you (Elizabeth) okay, and that they tried to stop but their stupid truck skidded on the wet road, and here is their insurance information. (Elizabeth, trying to give her insurance information, showed her HEALTH INSURANCE card. She said the other driver “was, like, ‘…No’.”)
Elizabeth is fine and the car is fully driveable (the trunk even opens/closes, though with effort), and it seems obvious to everyone involved that she was not at fault, and in fact the whole situation could not have put her in a more glowingly righteous light (could any accident be more pure than “rear-ended while stopped for a pedestrian”?)—but MY GOODNESS did it send me into a spiral. The! And the! And also the! And all my worst! And what if the! And so forth!
Paul took Elizabeth down to the police station to see if there were things she was supposed to do after Not Calling the Police to the Scene, and, as part of that conversation, the officer advised us to get things started by calling OUR insurance company rather than the other driver’s: the officer said the insurance company “gets paid the big bucks” to handle these things for their customers. So I contacted them. Now I am feeling stupid because there was no reason OUR insurance company even had to KNOW about this. AND WHAT IF THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES OF THAT. And also I am now twitchily waiting for their promised follow-up phone call, and wondering if there will be uncomfortable questions such as “And do you have a copy of the police report?” and so forth.
And there are so many good Coping Thoughts here! Like, even if the car had to stay just as it is now, that would be FINE. If it needed repair but we had to pay for it ourselves, we could do that and it would be FINE. Elizabeth is NOT HURT, and neither is the other driver. And imagine how much worse this whole thing would be if ELIZABETH were the one at fault in an accident less than a week after she got her driver’s license!! But she isn’t!! So everything is JUST FINE! COMPLETELY FINE!!
After work today I thought it might help to go on a little Therapeutic Shopping Trip. I have been gradually starting to do recreational shopping again—not MUCH, but SOME. I am especially enjoying reintroducing myself to HomeGoods and Marshalls and T.J. Maxx, with the treasure-hunt-style miscellany that makes for soothing browsing. Today I bought some more bowls (soup-size and side-dish-size; we break both kinds slowly but steadily), and some birthday cards, and a new towel (light purple, on a whim, to see if the boys like it as much as they like their light purple shirts). I bought some bags of Starbucks coffee on a nice-but-not-fabulous discount. I also bought Elizabeth a pair of tiny silver snake stud earrings for Christmas: awhile back she put a little silver snake ring on her wish list, and I had to admit it was cute, and these had a similar vibe, and also she’ll never need to worry that I’ll want to borrow them. I bought a mug with little rainbows all over it, even though I do not need any more mugs and in fact do not have room for any more mugs and in fact seriously need to get rid of some mugs to make space for any new mug.
I almost bought Christmas wrapping paper (I used the VERY LAST SCRAPS OF CHRISTMAS WRAPPING PAPER for First Pandemic Christmas, and in fact had to use some not-too-birthdayish birthday wrapping paper for the final gifts), but there was nothing I liked enough to override the Too Soon to Be Fun feeling. I almost bought cozy scrunchies that looked like they were made out of five different colors of chenille sweaters, but then I thought too much about whether or not middle-aged women who wore scrunchies the first time around could wear them the second time around, and HELL YEAH WE CAN AND MAY I ASK WHO IS GOING TO STOP US and anyway I should have bought the scrunchies. I almost bought bedsheets with little rainbows all over them, and maybe I should get those too when I go back for the chenille scrunchies—but it did seem very dumb to buy more sheets when I am trying to force myself to go through the boxes of extra bedding we have in storage, so maybe I will get the scrunchies but not the sheets. I almost bought a long cardigan sweater and I’m wondering if maybe I should go back and get it—but it was a L and I usually wear an XL, so even though it seemed to fit I was worried it would feel too snug, and I don’t like a sweater that’s too ON ME. I like to be IN a sweater and have it WARMLY AROUND me, but I don’t want it to feel it coating me too closely. The sweater should not be TRACING MY OUTLINE.
Oh my goodness, how stressful for you both. I’m glad I still have… wait, lets not actually count them and realize how few years it really is until I have a kid driving…. Anyway. In my state, a fender bender (defined as both cars are driveable and no people are hurt) does not require a police response. You can just exchange information and deal with it through insurance. You can also file your own report (for who knows what reason) through the highway patrol website. I was pretty sure this was the case, but called the non-emergency number when I was similarly rear ended to confirm. I then called my insurance company and when they asked me about a report I told them no one had responded to the scene. They just said “okay.” My car was fixed by the other insurance company and all was well. Oh – and the other insurance company contacted my insurance company to coordinate information, so even if I hadn’t called they would have known. (My rate did not change. I wasn’t at fault and they didn’t have to pay out anything, and it seems that was enough for GEICO.) Since the police in your state just advised you to call the insurance company, in sounds like things are much the same there. I don’t think either of you did any harm here.
I do not want rainbow sheets, but I do want that mug… Not enough to go looking for one, though. I am among those who find shopping, of any kind, anything but therapeutic.
So glad Elizabeth is OK!!!
Can we please have a post about Soothing Things to Do in These Times? Therapeutic shopping, for instance; in places like here where the ICU is full, garage sales are a nice outdoor treasure hunt.
My husband is a nurse taking care of covid patients. He tried to take a soothing hike and met a cougar, so clearly even our stress relief is going wrong.
I’m out of ideas. It feels like time to use the Good Stuff and yet I appear to not have any Good Stuff anymore, except tea, and merely rinsing the strainer feels tiring so I just use the bagged.
We’re so burned out even my leg hair is crispy.
Umm – WOW to your husband’s story. I also work in healthcare with COVID patients and with staff support and it is all a bit too much for everyone right now.
I’m picturing he met a very nice cougar with a boopable big cat nose, soft paws, majestic whiskers and wearing a fancy hat just out for a stroll. I’m guessing that is not what happened at all, but my brain has offered this as a Coping Thought for some reason. Enjoy?
AGH! Damn it, Nature! Can’t you see he’s trying to RELAX out here!
Hm, I like to recommend hiking for a soothing activity, but that’s been scuttled: are you water people? Going out in a boat of some sort might be soothing if you can rent or borrow one. My husband likes to fish to relax, but I’d probably paddle a canoe or kayak around a non-wavy body of water. No cougars unless they swim. Even sitting a comfortable chair down beside a body of water and having a book and beverage are pretty nice.
I do some therapeutic shopping, but most of it is online. I also like having a list and checking items off, so doing Christmas shopping is a double-whammy of satisfaction. I’ve already started buying stuff for this year!
Oh, water sounds lovely and had completely not occurred to me as an option.
Yes! I bought poppy seeds as stocking stuffers and a few discounted nicer-than-average pjs etc.
I will say, group hikes are definitely still on the table. Eventually he has to stop twitching when he hears purring, right?
I also got into a Very Clearly Not My Fault accident when I had just gotten my license (still had the paper form they give you while you wait for the real license to come in the mail, which the officer didn’t seem to know what to do with :eyeroll:) and still turned into a fully functional adult with affordable car insurance, so rest assured! :) Letting the insurance companies fight it out is the right answer. The dude who hit me tried to pin it on me (he was driving a work van and probably was worried about getting fired for it) but the cop and the insurance agent who came to assess the damage both were like “uhhhh no there’s no way what he says happened happened with where it’s smashed”.
I love the rainbow mug. One year I made candles with a candle-wax-kit from the craft store and filled a bunch of thrift store mugs and teacups, in case you need ideas on ways to use some of the excessive mugs in more sentimental ways than just giving them to the thrift store.
I am pretty sure both insurance companies find out regardless, so calling yours was perfectly ok! So glad Elizabeth is ok.
THAT MUG THO
I like to think of cardigans as the hugs of the sweater world. Just nice and cozy, not tight, not fitted, just something warm to put on over my other clothes in winter. So, I think you did right. When it comes to sweaters, I think it’s always better to err on the size up, rather than size down. IN MY OPINION. But I love long, cozy, drapey sweaters and I wear them a lot, so I’m biased.
However, maybe you should go back to get the scrunchies. WE CAN WEAR WHAT WE WANT, THERE IS NO LAW.
Sorry about the accident, I would have totally spiralled as well, but thank god she’s not hurt or at fault.
One of our greatest fears as parents, and now it’s theoretically-statistically less likely to happen to Eliz again, or even to one of your other kids, so maybe that thought helps? I’m glad she and the car and the other guy are all okay. Whew.
I am SO like you in the sweater department, and your last line was EXELLENT. Tracing My Outline, HAAAA!
I am sorry about all the stress but that rant in your first paragraph seems to have been stolen from my life experience as a Defensive Driver among the Pineholes, so thank you.
Re: sweaters: SAME, girl.
A pedestrian was killed in my city two weeks ago in the same scenario as Elizabeth’s accident, except in this case the driver who concluded wrongly that the stopped driver was merely an idiot, actually zoomed AROUND the stopped person and mowed down the pedestrian, killing her.
https://wpta21.com/2021/09/16/pedestrian-killed-crossing-trail-at-carroll-road/
Oof, that is AWFUL. I kept thinking that that would be the worst case scenario of the scene Swistle laid out. So sad to hear that it actually happened near you!
I’m so glad Elizabeth is ok! So scary! My kids are still young, and my husband is holding out hope that everyone will have a self driving car before they are old enough to drive. I’m doubtful.
As accidents go, cosmetic damage is where it’s at. Our car is severely dented from hail, and my mom can’t stop mentioning it. “Wow, your car is so dented!” “It looks like a golf ball!” “It sure is easy to find your car in the parking lot, it’s the one with all the dents!” I say, if we wanted to fix it, we would have, so maybe be quiet unless you want to pay for the repairs.
The soothing power of a good Marshalls, etc trip is hard to beat. I need to go back, having been thwarted yesterday. There I stood, in front of Marshall’s at 9:28 am (they open at 9:30), when my husband called to say that I needed to go home to let in a contractor. A contractor who was TWO HOURS EARLY for his appointment window. That NEVER happens. I was so bewildered, I almost forgot to be annoyed. Almost.
I had a close call recently. The weird part about it is that as it was happening, I was really calm and somewhat bemused to see how it was going to end up. I was the 3rd car at a stoplight at an intersection with separate left turn lights (what I’m saying is that the light had been red FOR A WHILE) when I heard a large vehicle behind me braking hard. Turns out it was a large animal transport truck (think moving cows or pigs around, not a horse trailer). He ended up moving into the right turn lane so he wouldn’t hit me. As I watched this play out in my rear view mirror, I kept thinking “how? how did you not see that the light was red?”
So this is really off topic, but I also have a junior in high school. Since you have been through the applying to colleges thing twice, can you point me to a book or website or something that can walk me through what we should be doing and when? I have lots of questions but I also know that I don’t know *all* the questions I need to ask. Part of it is that with all of the other stuff going on the world, I feel really distracted and I’m afraid I’m going to miss something important.
And also, not to sound too stalker-y, one of my coping things has been reading the Swistle archives. (So eventually I’ll get to the posts where you are going through the college process with Rob and Will). I just find it soothing to read after I get agitated reading about latest Trump administration shenanigans that we should have known about at the time.
Also, too, I’m glad Elizabeth is ok and the car is relatively ok. And I hope the other person’s insurance premium goes up significantly as a reminder of their stupidity.
I, too, would love to hear any recommendations for books or websites on the college application process.
How scary. I hope Elizabeth isn’t too spooked to get behind the wheel again. Noah ran into a fence when he was 17 (and still on a learners’ permit) and he hasn’t driven since then.
*sigh* I have way too much experience with teenagers and car accidents, but I can use that experience now to assure you: calling your insurance was the right thing to do and it won’t affect your rates. They won’t actually do anything unless the other driver turns out to be uninsured. My own insurance agent is the Calm Voice of Reason so it’s kind of nice to call her and get reassurance that everything will be OK.
I hope no one reading this ever needs this information, but if you or your teenager God forbid gets into an accident and it is your/their fault, do call your insurance right away and give a statement while the information is fresh on your mind, and then record or write down that statement. One of my daughters is being sued (!) for an accident that happened two years ago, and it’s hard to remember the details now. But again, our awesome insurance is handling everything for us and my agent continually tells me not to worry. So here I am, not worrying (ha ha).
Oh, I HATE when you say over and over, “There will be an accident at this spot” and then it happens! And to Elizabeth, who literally JUST started driving! SO annoying!
And while much more minor, I have the same “no Christmas wrapping paper” sitch. At our old apartment, which we left in July due to the fact that it leaked and/or flooded on the reg, the outdoor storage where I kept allllllllll my Christmas decorations and wrapping paper not only flooded but had mice or rats or some other vermin living there, so I had to trash all of the Christmas stuff.
That muuuuuuuuuug!!!!!!!!
(So glad Elizabeth is okay!)
Boring story unless you want reassurance that the car process will be fine:
I was rear ended immediately before the pandemic. The officer who pulled over to see what was going on didn’t bother to file a report. I called my own insurance company first, and they told me I needed to talk to the other insurance company, but they also took a bunch of notes. I did not get any bills or premium hikes from them, and it’s been over a year. The other insurance company sent a guy to look over the damage and then sent me a check for $$ to replace the back panel. They told me I could go to the body shop of my choice, and if the cost ended up being higher than the check I could ask them to cover the extra. But I’m not one of those people who lovingly buffs their car with a chamois on weekends, so I just deposited the check and now I pick up my kids from school in a car with an enormous dent. I did have to nudge the other insurance company a few times to keep the process moving along, but otherwise it was all very easy.
I am a middle aged woman wearing a scrunchie right now. I bought a bunch of them for Youngest last Christmas and she doesn’t wear them very often but I found that with my COVID hair (i.e. longer than I think it’s ever been in my life) they are so much more comfortable for putting my hair up than elastics. They don’t pull my hair out or frizz it up or shred it. I’m sold.
I’m so glad Elizabeth is ok but even minor car accidents make me hostile. This summer someone backed into my car while I was waiting in line to donate items to Goodwill (no good deed goes unpunished etc) My first thought was “great, now I will have to deal with all of the insurance hassle.” I was fine, my car was fine just a little dented, but it was going to take my time and effort to get it fixed. Long story short, after three months it was confirmed the dude who hit me is uninsured so I’m out all of the repair money and now I find I can’t go back to that Goodwill because I can’t stop worrying that some other jackass is going to back into me. I hate it.
I also have too many mugs, but can’t stop noticing cute ones. Last Christmas I bought this dinosaur mug for my 9yo son: https://www.amazon.com/Enesco-6000549-Stoneware-Coffee-Sculpted/dp/B072KD2JTD
Every time I pick it up, I am impressed by its quality and the pleasant sturdiness of the handle. I am mightily tempted to buy a matching dino mug this year. For my son, of course.
So glad Elizabeth is okay! And I hope she isn’t too shaken up by the experience. The few accidents (two…well, really three if you count the time he backed over a bench in the front yard) Man-Child had when he first started driving really made me nervous about him driving for a long time.
And, OF COURSE, you can wear scrunchies. I pull my hair up every night before bed (to keep it out of my face while I sleep…I’m weird like that) with a scrunchie. And, I will also don one when I’m out doing yard work or if I get hot.
So very glad Elizabeth is all right! (And the pedestrian!) Other drivers are THE WORST.
I hate that she was in an accident, for SO MANY REASONS, but I guess it is good that THIS was her first accident. It’s a relatively easy way to ease into the shock and oh no oh no oh no elements of it. It’s good that she now has a firsthand understanding of what one needs to do. Poor kid, though.
That mug is cute – it looks just the right size for my single-cup coffee maker, and like it’s made of the material I prefer in a mug (dense porcelaine, not that sort of fluffy porcelaine that is prone to chipping if you know what I mean). But my husband would freak out if I tried to bring yet another mug into the house, as we have way too many.
And last night my kids and I ate at my favourite vegetarian restaurant, so that was a fun thing for us! We faced a conundrum: vaccine passports are required to sit inside, but not out on the patio, but transmission risk is lower outside. So sit inside with all the fully vaccinated people, or outside with the ones who may not be vaxxed? We ended up opting for inside since the patio was really crowded and it was getting dark and cooling off, and the tables inside were sparsely populated. Honestly, with 84% of our city fully vaccinated and cases generally fewer than 50 a day in a city of a million people, odds are pretty good that even the patio contained a significant number of fully vaccinated people. But it was nice to be able to sit inside a restaurant again and not feel too freaked out. And everyone kept their masks on until they sat and put them on before they got up again.
Speaking as a traffic engineer, you should report your concerns about this location to your local agency (local street I am assuming? depending where you live it could be the City or County agency). Anyways, there are many things they can do to make pedestrian crossings easier to see and safer, but they won’t know about the problem unless you tell them. Often they have to respond to these complaints, and track them, so they know when they get a lot about one location. Good luck!
How is every comment not about the most beautiful description of how a sweater should fit? That whole bit was so pleasing to me. I had to screenshot it so that I can always remember it.