I am in one of those little interludes where it seems every person in my household is enmeshed in at least one stressful situation, and where most of those situations include a high level of uncertainty. I sometimes have dreams where I am driving a car but there is no friction, so the car is on the road but gliding along disconcertingly smoothly, as if on ice. Usually in the dream I don’t do much scary sliding; the scariness is more from feeling like the sliding could/will start at any moment, especially if I were to attempt to use the brakes in any way, and oh dear now we’re going down a steep hill, and maybe it will be fine or maybe I will plunge smoothly off that cliff to the right. I keep being reminded of the feeling of that dream.
I was going to list all the stressful things, but that’s already how I’m spending my 3:00 a.m.; and also, I know it would cause some of you to experience uncomfortable empathetic stress. Still, I’m going to list SOME of them. I’m going to try to do it BRIEFLY [proofreading note: why do I even attempt such a thing?], and I’m going to lean heavily on the ones that have mostly been resolved and are therefore now down to the final little stress tendrils.
1. William needed college housing for one semester. (He’ll be doing an internship second semester. This is another source of stress, since we don’t know what/where it will be, or what kind of housing he’ll need.) The college did not have enough housing to go around, and William did not even make it onto the waiting list. His college is in a big city. He had to somehow find housing for (1) just four months (2) and in a pandemic (3) and in a housing crisis (4) and in a big city. Time grew shorter and shorter, and many options were truly terrible (e.g., he found a place, but he’d have to take on a 12-month lease, and pay for the 8 extra months if he couldn’t find someone to take over the lease), and we didn’t know what he’d do if he COULDN’T find housing, and it seemed amazing that he might have to literally drop out of college for a semester because of not being able to find a place to live, but that also seemed to be the direction we were headed. Anyway he DID find a place. Now we’re down to the smaller stressors, like how are we going to get some furniture and kitchen stuff to that unfurnished apartment in a big city with no parking, and what furniture / kitchen stuff should that be, and what day should he go, and GAH how can a windowless basement bedroom with four other people sharing the bathroom/kitchen be the same price as our MORTGAGE payment (okay our mortgage payment from 20 years ago BUT STILL) but it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s only for four months, and this is a pandemic housing crisis and things cost what they cost, and at least we are not paying for TWELVE months.
2. Rob is back home, and would prefer not to be, and is also having trouble finding housing—but at least in this case he CAN do his semester remotely, it would just be BETTER if he could get nearer to it and do some of it in person—so we’re not working with a time deadline, or with the collapse of his plans. But there have still been a lot of stressy conversations/plans/attempts: he’s mostly handling it himself, but he wants to vent to me about it, and also there are things he wants/needs to run past me, and so on. BUT: today he got a very encouraging update that looks as if he may actually be able to get actual college housing and maybe everything is going to work out great. (After seeing what was involved in acquiring non-college housing for William, I have freshly and fervently renewed appreciation for the relative ease of college housing.) It’s not a done deal yet, so we are not counting on it, but it is an encouraging development. I was SO HOPING that what made sense to me (i.e., that there might be some little empty slots in college housing for various reasons, and that the college would be very motivated to fill those slots with paying students, and that after the start of the semester there might not be very many students competing for those slots) seems to be the case for Rob’s college. AND: if this DOES work out, I get a nice little road trip, which I would LOVE. (You might think I’d be too stressed about pandemic stuff to enjoy it, but I feel I can decrease risks pretty substantially while still having a nice time.)
3. There was a whole huge thing involving work needing to be done on our car, and Paul trying to handle that for me because I was so stressed about everything else—and instead he inadvertently made things so much worse, and in such a bizarre/nonsensical/ridiculous way as if we were in some sort of clown sitcom, that I involuntarily near-shouted “ARE! YOU! KIDDING! ME!” with incredulous dismay and then sat in silent incredulous overwhelming despair for half an hour, wondering if there was any way at all to fix it other than going out and impulse-buying a new car. But then all of it self-resolved as if by divine intervention: the main issue he had solved in such an unworkable way ended up no longer being an issue, so then everything else untangled itself.
4. Edward needed an MRI. It’s been such an ordeal each time; and last time he managed to get most of the gross prep fluid down and then he threw it up; and getting medical procedures done is so much more stressful in a pandemic. Also, it meant a long drive to a big city. But it’s done now, and also he got a technician who remembered him from last time, and who corrected the receptionist when she said he had to drink one bottle of prep fluid in 15 minutes and then two cups of water in the next 15 minutes and then a second bottle of prep fluid in the 15 minutes after that, so instead he was instructed to drink one bottle in 30 minutes, then have just a little bit of water, only as much as he wanted to drink, and then to “just do what you can” with the second bottle—which he found so encouraging/comforting that he ended up drinking more than half of it, when I would have predicted he would interpret “just do what you can” as permission to drink two sips and be done. And he was NOT queasy and did NOT throw up.
5. Elizabeth realized she is not willing to do gym class in a mask when everyone is breathing hard and no one else is wearing masks including the teacher, so she needs to drop the class. (She signed up for it on the assumption that everyone would be masked, as they were last year, but our school system has buckled under pressure from parents and is not requiring masks even for staff.) She further realized that her required math class is somehow not on her schedule. And the guidance office recently sent a weary email to all parents/students saying schedule changes are pretty much not happening this year, so please don’t email asking about changes, and that is a real hurdle for rule-following people-pleasers, but Elizabeth is going to have to attempt it. There are numerous other issues/complications here, and I have no idea how they’re going to pan out. But she wrote a good email, and now we wait.
6. While helping Elizabeth deal with her scheduling situation, I realized that FOR SURE Edward would need to drop gym because it is not safe for HIM to be around people who are unvaccinated and breathing hard and not wearing masks—which is when we discovered it is somehow not on his schedule. It is a required class, so there is no reason it would not be on his schedule. On one hand, this is convenient: I don’t have to deal with it right now. On the other hand, the school’s errors are piling up in a way that feels alarming. Their guidance counselor is new as of spring 2021 when the school system required all staff to be personally in the school building again even if not necessary for their jobs, and 30% of the staff quit.
7. The three younger kids started school. I am still prepared/preparing to yank them out. Approximately 10% of students are wearing masks, and 50% of their teachers are wearing them at least part of the time (some teachers take them off when they’re up at the front of the room, but put them on if they’re going to circulate among the students); the principal and vice principal were not wearing masks. Lunch is indoors and normal: not distanced in any way, no outdoors option. The administration sent out an email informing parents that large fans will be provided to every classroom to “increase air circulation.” THAT IS EXACTLY THE WRONG KIND OF AIR CIRCULATION. Also they are still talking about washing hands and disinfecting surfaces as if it is spring of 2020 and we don’t yet know the problem is the AIR. I mean, hand-washing and surface-disinfecting are good! Let’s for sure keep doing those for many OTHER reasons! But that is not the “addressing the Covid-19 issue” they seem to think it is. On the VERY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL we got an email alerting us to a positive case, with the reassuring information that they would clean and disinfect the school as usual. Wow great!
8. I needed new glasses. I was very fretful about the entire thing, especially since one of the pandemic adjustments our eye-doctor has made is “guided browsing”—i.e., they bring you a selection of glasses, and you are not allowed to search on your own. (They will keep bringing you more and more glasses if you want them to, but I knew my own personal ability to ask them to do that would be low.) And you must wear a mask, so how would I even be able to tell if I liked the glasses or not? And glasses are SO EXPENSIVE, and the pricing is so exploitive. (I do like/use Zenni Optical! But I am finding it overwhelming to think of dealing with that right now, and wanted to get at least one pair at the eye-doctor’s office.) So I was very stressed. But now it is over and I have chosen/ordered glasses, and I also asked how much it would be to replace the lenses in my current well-loved frames, so if I hate the new glasses I will just clench my teeth at the wasted money and wear the new glasses while waiting for new lenses to be put in my old frames.
9. Paul is experiencing kidney stones. And I AM very sympathetic: it sounds like it’s pretty dreadful. But is not possible for you to overestimate how often I am receiving Kidney Stone Updates from him, nor how often he says “oof” and “phwoo” and “ow ow ow.” At one point I actually had to leave the house for a little while.
Ugh, poor you! How do you even get through a day. I am definitely empathizing with you, and feeling so stressed on behalf of parents who still have children in school. I cannot imagine how I would manage.
As for the glasses, I have been buying from Warby Parker for years, mostly because I don’t like the upselling and resulting crazy high prices that I paid when I went into the glasses store. If you’re not familiar, you go to the website, pick up to five frames that you think you might like; they send them to you to try for five days, and then you send them back. You have to give them a credit card number, but they don’t charge you as long as you return the frames. Then you order — or if you didn’t like any of the five choices you can try again — and the glasses come really quickly. I love mine a lot. I’ve had two rounds of two different prescriptions, and then I got a distance prescription that I used to get a pair of sunglasses for driving, which I like a lot.
I clicked over to say the same thing! I highly recommend Warby Parker, my husband has been purchasing their glasses for years, and when they began offering higher prescription (sorry, that’s probably not the right description for “very poor eyesight prescriptions”) I purchased a pair of progressive-lensed glasses. I love them! They are very sturdy, hold their shape well, and *knocks wood* no lens scratches so far (it’s been at least two years).
Off-campus college housing can be so stressful! I had a roommate that sublet my teeny tiny shared room to a guy I didn’t know. I had a lot of fun trying to get out of that lease and away from those people and ended up in a tiny efficiency basement apartment, which worked super well and definitely encouraged me to spend all my waking hours at the library.
Schools. Sigh. We went back in mid-August and masks were optional. By the end of day 2 there were mandatory masks for everyone. But, the state keeps changing their quarantine rules for students exposed to covid. Hopefully we won’t need to know them, but it is all so very complicated and stressful.
My high school kids also struggled with the schedules. Maybe it’s because we were new? Maybe it is all the upheaval of new guidance counselors plus things being so very different than last year, but my kids were able to get all of their schedule issues resolved, which was a big relief.
Ooh I can help with Elizabeth’s issue! I am a school counselor (guidance counselor is an outdated term btw) and we ALWAYS tell people no more schedule changes because we don’t want eighty kids coming to ask us to move them to 5th period art instead of 4th period so they can be with their friends. HOWEVER, if it is an error, like a required class being left off of the schedule completely, we always want to know about those. The sooner the better.
Scheduling is the absolute worst part about being a school counselor – it’s like a logic puzzle with 200 rows and columns. I work in a middle school, but if I were a high school counselor I would lose sleep at night wondering if I have forgotten a class that someone needs to graduate. In my district, high schools change their classes at the semester, so it’s possible to have gym/math second semester but not first. I hope it’s easily fixable for both of your kiddos.
These situations seem to come in waves. I hope you’ll get a break soon! I imagine that you are the problem solver and take on everyone’s stress. In our household, I too seem to be the lake of calm that everyone dumps their worries into. My husband is the reactionary type, which has it’s advantages. He doesn’t hold back on his feelings, but is quick to get stressed out. The kids come to me with their worries and problems to solve, like my 13 year old, who woke me up at 2am, sobbing about cutting a chunk out of her hair in the middle of the night. Some days…I just want to plug my ears and go ‘la la la la la.’
Favorite parts: “ I’m going to try to do it BRIEFLY [proofreading note: why do I even attempt such a thing?]” And all of Stress 9, which sounds HORRIFIC and yet you convey it with such humor.
Everything is awful. I’m glad some things have resolved and hope that all the others (esp the kidney stones omg) , listed and not, resolve QUICKLY. And I pray that your kids all stay healthy. And I still am FURIOUS with your school district, which helps literally nothing.
You may already be aware of Connections (as well as other online schools, which tend to be far better organized than the mess inexperienced in-person schools there together in 2020) but I wanted to put the link here too for you just in case. I’ve known a couple people whose kids have done well with it – one of them has experience in two different states.
https://www.connectionsacademy.com/
My advise….go west Dear Girl, go WEST! The family will do fine without you!
The whole hand and surface sanitizing theater is so ridiculous at this point! It is especially infuriating that schools would be using that as a mitigation measure – Schools! Where actual knowledge based on facts is supposed to be the goal! Ugh. I’m so sorry you and your family even have to deal with such idiocy.
I have the outrage fatigue again. Just reading that there was pressure from parents (of children who may not yet be eligible for vaccination) to unmask, just fills me with rage. I would have my kid go virtual just not to have to interact in anyway with the unmasked, unvaccinated supposedly responsible adults. I hate it here.
I hear you. I was supposed to get a covid test today, but the only place in my city that had an opening before next week is an enclosed space where covid-y folks sit crowded next to flu cases for hours and masks are not strictly enforced. My husband goes, “Honey, if you don’t have covid already, you will after that.“
I’d go anyway in my N95 but I have wee kids and it’s not like I can say “Hey friend will you watch my adorable fomites because I suspect I’m covid positive?”
So I will just wait for the next drive-through appointment.
I feel you on the kidney stones. OMG. My husband has had them twice, and both times involved lying on the floor moaning, and having to go to the ER. I mean, I know they’re awful, I get it, but men do seem to suffer far more than women do, in my experience.
Note: they are pretty awful! Having had kidney stones and also having giving birth the comparison of the two is reasonable. I had them during my 7th month of pregnancy, my poor father in law had to drive me to the hospital while I threw up out the car window from the pain. Conclusion: not fun!
His do not seem to be anywhere near this bad: he is, for example, going to work as usual, doing all his usual hobbies, etc. He just reports Every. Single. Twinge.
I am positively flummoxed that a large percentage of staff would quit last year when being required to return to the building, whereas now no-goddamned-body is wearing a goddamn mask?! I’m going to say it again: WHAT THE HELL.
Also last weekend my husband strained a mid back muscle doing a needed but not pressing task instead of helping me prep for the cleaning lady coming (three kids, small house, tiny crap and flimflam everywhere it’s not her job to pick up, etc). And the next morning as I finished doing the dishes (which he normally does) I had to hear him grunt while packing his work bag. And I was like, I CAN HEAR YOU. And he was like, I’m not grunting for your benefit. And I was like that’s weird because I’m doing chores for your benefit and it feels like the grunt is to remind me you have a hurty muscle and that’s why I have to do your chores.
I suspect that by forcing the staff back on campus they effectively got rid of those worried about Covid precautions. The ones left now are mostly the people who don’t think Covid is a big deal and thus don’t mask.
Firstly, YEESH. That is the solid reaction I gave at various times while reading all of that. A sympathetic, horrified YEESH.
Secondly, I didn’t know that one has to do preparation for an MRI! I would love (well, ‘love’) to hear a little more about that, if you’re comfortable talking about it. I recently had my very first colonoscopy/endoscopy and the stuff I had to drink was horrific and made me nauseous, so I have very much YEESH-ful sympathy for Edward. I’m glad that it was better for him this time around!
Sure! I don’t know if all MRIs need prep, or if it’s just the abdominal kind he gets. (Oh, actually, I KNOW that not all MRIs require prep, because William had an MRI on his knee and did not have to drink anything, which makes sense.) He can’t eat or drink for 6 hours before the procedure, and we have to arrive 1-1/2 hours before the MRI. They give him a bottle of stuff to drink; it’s about the size of bottled water, but it contains something that will make his insides light up for the MRI. It doesn’t taste BAD-bad, but there is something about it that says Do Not Consume to the brain, which makes it a little challenging to drink; they have recently given him a lemon-lime flavor that he says is much better than the plain kind. He’s supposed to walk up and down the hallway as he drinks it. Normally it is expected that someone would drink it in 15 minutes, but the nice tech let him take 30 minutes. The “water in between” part is new to us, but apparently after drinking that bottle of stuff, people are usually instructed to drink TWO CUPS of water—and THEN another bottled-water-sized bottle of the medicinal stuff! So much liquid, and it’s supposed to all be consumed in 30-45 minutes!! Which is especially irritating to me because even when he drank less than one bottle for one MRI, and even when he threw up before a different MRI, they STILL got good images, so some portion of that fluid-drinking is apparently unnecessary.
Ohhh that makes sense. I have a vague recollection of a friend needing an emergency one a few years back because of memory problems (she was then OK afterwards) and I was pretty sure she didn’t need to do any prep. Of course abdominal stuff is different!
THAT IS A GREAT DEAL OF LIQUID and makes my post-three children pelvic floor shudder. Gosh, poor Edward, that must be really hard.
That part makes me remember when I was having ultrasounds for pregnancies! I think they told me each time to have a litre of water and stop an hour before the appointment. I found that I could have 750ml instead and stop 45 mins before, and that was apparently enough and was a lot more manageable (still awful but I wasn’t actually leaking).
Gosh, I feel for him! Thank you for explaining!
My father in-law gets MRIs roughly every 9 weeks (that’s every 3 chemo treatment cycles for him) to monitor his cancer (stage 4 colon cancer, tumours in the liver and lymph nodes) and doesn’t have to drink anything for them.
Uuuurgh your poor father in law. That’s good he doesn’t have to prepare, at least.
I hope the glasses you ordered work out. If not, I have another recommendation for Warby Parker. The have a virtual try-on feature that shows what the glasses look like on you face. It’s fun to play with.
Just a comment on masks in schools. Our kids were virtual last fall, wore masks and had various degrees of social distancing the rest of the year. We are one month into school (2 weeks no masks, now 2 weeks mandatory masks with 3 feet which means no distancing). A team just did an analysis of last years school contract tracing data and now our school says there is no quarantine needed for kids adjacent to covid positive kids in class, unless they are next to them at lunch (indoors, assigned seats, distanced as much as possible). Including unvaccinated kids. This is how well masks work. You can spend a masked day next to a covid positive masked kid and not get covid.
I hope they publish this as a study. For reference I live in a red state, and we have crazy mask protests. Our brand new superintendent (with a just signed long contract) has been pretty bold.
This is reassuring to hear, but I wonder how the delta variant may behave differently to last year’s alpha variant – I’ve heard it’s far more contagious.
That is so much, too much, but I am sending out my specific sympathies for Stress 3. To me there is nothing like car stress. It makes me snappish and despairing almost immediately. My disabled body means I can’t just walk, and it’s a whole production to take a bus or even a Lyft, so I get panicky without my car. And the fact that your issue was made more complicated by the other adult in your home?! I just…oh man. I must go do some deep breaths now.
” in such a bizarre/nonsensical/ridiculous way as if we were in some sort of clown sitcom” – I cannot even imagine the circumstances but I cannot stop laughing at “clown sitcom.” CLOWN SITCOM, SWISTLE, YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE.
Aieeee, I am stressed for you about the kids being at school. Fans, are you kidding me? No masks, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Good god. What even.
I love your Paul stories. Now at the 9 year mark of my marriage, I have hope that the shenanigans will continue even when I want to wring my “Paul’s” neck. My husband opted not to build our IKEA bed frame during my hellacious work week because he claimed I had some now communicated I wanted to put it together. He did not find it amusing when I said, “Really, “Paul”, please name one person you know to has said ‘I am really looking forward to following Swedish instructions and assembling plywood furniture’.” I’ll never get those 5 HOURS back. 5 Hours because he didn’t ask if I needed help. Ggggrrrrrrrr
Oh my gosh – Swistle that IS a LOT! The whole school thing is absolutely enraging.
We had a #3, but instead of an unworkable solution my husband’s solution was to buy a new van. When he said he thought we should buy a new one before a short trip the next day I said “I have had a sinus headache for three days. I don’t feel like dealing with sales people.” He interpreted that to mean he should call, find a van and make an appointment for me at the sales lot that afternoon. I’m guessing everyone reading this knows I actually meant we should not buy a new van that day. I just sort of stared at him in a daze when I realized what was happening. However, it really did turn out to be that easy and I have a spiffy new (to me) van.
Oh Swistle,
Please find time to do something special for yourself on a regular basis. You have a lovely family but lovely families mean a lot of work…no matter what your kids’ ages are. Stress can do such harm and we often don’t even know it. The million dollar question is — how do we minimize it? Laughter is one way! Wishing you lots of blessings, love and laughter…and much less stress in the future! Mona
Wow, that’s a lot all at once. I’m glad the housing issues seem to be resolving. Fingers crossed on that. I’m sorry there’s not masking at the high school. That makes your life unnecessarily complicated and stressful.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through so much stress! I’m a teacher and this year during our teacher prep weeks we had some sessions where we focused on how to manage stress – and I found some of the thoughts quite helpful (we basically talked about the book Burnout and listened to Brene Brown while doing soothing activities like a coloring a sheet that said “Let That Shit Go” in pretty script while we were learning, which turns out to be a wonderful teaching method). Something that stuck out to me the most (in part because it felt like I should have already known this) was the idea that stress is a CYCLE in our BODIES. And once a cycle in your body gets going, it has to be completed – and since it is in our bodies, there are physical things you can do (like gentle, restorative yoga) that actually encourage that physical closure of the stress cycle. The other idea was that the STRESS is not the STRESSOR – so, basically, because I live in my mind most of the time, I’ll obsess about a problem until I’ve mentally resolved it, but what I’ve learned is that mentally resolving things doesn’t do enough to tell your body to complete that stress cycle. I’m sure most people know this, but it took me 40 years to understand that just because I’ve decided that the fight is over or I’ve made that scary appointment (stressor released), I still need some sort of physical movement like gentle twists or deep breathing to tell my body that to finish that stress cycle that it’s in. This has been sort of life changing for me, I hope this rambling may help in some way!
Ugh, the trying on glasses thing. My eye doctor’s office was sort of masks optional – the staff were all masked, but I was told I could take mine off if I wanted to. I did not want to, but I was then left alone after the appointment to try on frames for “computer glasses” that I’m not sure I need, or will even work (the testing he did for them didn’t seem like it made anything bigger/sharper, so I am VERY curious how much my fortunately-not-that-expensive-after-insurance glasses will actually help). Only there was another person in the waiting room, which is where my doctor keeps all the frames. So I kept putting on a pair of frames, tugging my mask down to make sure they looked okay with my full face, then quickly tugging my mask back up. And doing this all by myself without a staff person there, but with some random other patient waiting around to have their eyes dilated was so very awkward and uncomfortable that I ended up picking from a very small pool of possibilities. I had corrective eye surgery five years ago, and this will be my first pair of glasses since then, and I’m a little bummed I may have “settled” on a pair of frames that will turn out to not actually look that good.
I am mentally dividing all of this into Unavoidable Stress and Stress That Is Compounded by People Being Pineholes and you will never guess which one Paul is falling into and also did I mention that my husband was sick last week? Because he sure as heck did, and dude. I need zero details and you need to do zero performative suffering.
Also, how do people not understand masks and fresh air? HOW?
Thank goodness for you and your readers or I would hate everyone.
Kidney Stones! Oh my goodness. I have had several and just wanted to die! They are bad. And to make matters worse none of them passed on their own. First one, 13 years old and had to have it surgically removed (they thought it was my appendix and removed it first, oops). The other ones I’ve had, have been removed via lithotripsy (also not fun, but better than surgery). Hopefully his will pass soon, but the pain is usually excruciating!
Re: furniture and kitchen stuff for William’s apartment–check Craigslist and similar for Big City and see if grad students in the area are moving out and selling all their stuff cheap. I got TONS of stuff for my first apartment from a Canadian grad student who was not about to haul her not-exactly-priceless plastic dishes and small bookshelves all the way from Baltimore to Canada, so she gave me a great deal on half the contents of her apartment when I had originally come to buy one set of dishes.
Thrift stores are another great bet, and if William is able to care for things well, furniture that isn’t mattresses may be able to go straight back there. Habitat ReStore is particularly good if you can find one that stocks furniture. Best of luck!!
School schedules are the absolute worst. My freshman this year was inadvertently left out of Freshman English. When I called the school about it, the guidance counselor was quite nasty to start with. “There just aren’t any classes available to switch into.” Well, yes, but it’s not a “switch into” situation, it’s a you left a required class off her schedule and this will be fixed before I hang up the phone situation, and no, my child is not going to take this class over the summer or double up next year. It got fixed. Her whole schedule got rearranged, and now she has the required classes. Except for a foreign language, which she might have to start over the summer.
ooh yes same thing happened to me. I got left out of Algebra and they told me they couldn’t do anything about it because all the classes were full. My father stepped in and in a very nice but firm way told them they would fix it. They did ( I ended up sitting at the teacher’s desk, but only for a couple of days while they fixed everyone else’s problems as well).
That all is A LOT! My province has mandated masks for grades 1 to 12 and school staff, and my school board decided to go the extra mile and require the kinders to mask up as well. They’ve also made vaccinations mandatory for all teachers and staff. My elementary kid will be in a full class, but that class stays together in the same room for all instruction, and is supposed to not mix with other classes during recess. My high schooler will be taking 2 classes/day and at lunch she will be allowed to eat outside or in the area designated for just her grade.
I’m relieved at how cautious our school system seems to be so far. My kids start school this Thursday so it remains to be seen how things progress after that.
Whenever I read about stuff going on with you with your kids I think about that “you’re only as happy as your saddest kid” aphorism and think how much having a lot of kids multiplies that risk. You have all my admiration and good thoughts. My oldest had a really rough year last year (across the border from us in the U.S. so couldn’t come home easily, we couldn’t get there, bad break up, back injury affecting baseball) and my daughter was doing her senior high school year in Covid, and it was hard. Oldest is currently having a blast in fourth year and daughter is settling in better than we expected five hours away at university, having known on one when she went. So not overly stressed at the moment, but it all feels very precarious.