Elizabeth is having a friend (just one) sleep over this weekend. She cleaned her already-clean room, and is now walking around the house with a broom and dustpan; as she passed my chair she reported that she cleaned the sinks and shower in the kid bathroom (I have already promised to clean the toilet). Our house has been pretty clean ever since we moved (I felt like the move was a clear opportunity to start over and not let things get as out of hand as they did in the years of Small Children, so even when the cleaners weren’t coming during the pandemic I was very motivated to keep up with it), so I wonder if this is House Embarrassment (like, Elizabeth’s cleaning standards are higher, so she feels the state of our house is a little embarrassing), or if it’s just the sort of nervous pre-cleaning any adult might do before a friend came over. I try NOT to do that anymore, because I feel so relieved and happy if I go to someone’s house and it’s not very clean/tidy, so I assume others would feel that way coming into MY house, but I do recognize the urge. But I don’t remember EVER cleaning up for a friend when I was in HIGH SCHOOL.
This is a newish friend, too, and I think that increases the nervousness. Plus, Elizabeth and I are both a little skittery about the pandemic still, even though the friend is vaccinated and if anything is even MORE skittery/cautious than we are. I listen to NPR each morning, and the Delta variant sounds pretty bad. Well, we won’t think about that right now. We will think how nice it is to be doing at least SOME social things, and how we can use the sleepover as a reason to order pizza and make ice cream sundaes. (I also bought Oreos, ice cream sandwiches, snack cakes. Be the adult you needed as a child.)
Another fun thing about this friend is that she’s an only child with calm quiet parents. Elizabeth went to her house and said it was like three adult roommates living quietly together. I think this has the potential to go either way: the friend may find our household (packed with people and especially with brothers; and Paul is LOUD and LAUGHY and a SHOUT-SNEEZER) delightful, or she may find us overwhelming. Well, they can retreat to Elizabeth’s nice clean quiet room.
Love this: “Be the adult you needed as a child.”
How FUN that Elizabeth is having a friend over! That feels so wonderful and “normal” and great!
I am not sure who to credit with that quote—I’ve seen it out and about on plaques and stickers and so forth, but not with an attribution.
I’m an only child and when I went to my friend’s house that was one of six, I absolutely loved the chaos and insanity. It influenced me to have 3 kids and to marry into a family with 4 kids (in hopes of lots of cousins, although that hasn’t happened). I hope she has a great time!
I have 3 kids and my middle one is best friends with an only child, and it seems to work out beautifully. The friend likes to come to our crazy-ish house and my daughter loves to go with the only for some peace and quiet. Plus my daughter has gotten invited on some cool family trips w/her friend. I bet the sleepover will be a big success! Have fun!
I read “SCREAM-SNEEZER” as my husband SCREAM-SNEEZED. The universe is coming together and not how I hoped it would.
I have a close friend from childhood who is an only child and I loved going to her house for one on one hangs – and because they’d take us both our for random midweek dinners ;) which was not a thing in my household, but I never wanted to make the trade!
I’m sure Elizabeth’s friend will enjoy the different dynamic and then equally be happy to get home to her own.
I really, really enjoy providing children with extraordinary treats as well. I got to give my four year old niece a fruit by the foot recently and it may have been one of the highlights of her life thus far.
“Be the adult you needed as a child” is now my go to advice for any new parent!
I’m sure the girls will have a great time!
Be the adult you needed as a child – I am even still being the child I wished I could have been. I buy SO MUCH through those Scholastic Book brochures they send home. I can order whatever I want now!!!!!
My daughter recently said that her father and I argue a lot, and all I could think was wow, she doesn’t spend nearly enough time in other people’s homes if think an occasional cold shoulder counts as arguing a lot, I need to find a friend to send her over for a sleepover so she can see what kind of families I saw when I was a kid, and then came home thinking I really appreciated my own family.
Please do report back on how the sleepover went!
I’m sure the sleepover will be such a fun change of pace for Elizabeth’s friend. The only time I didn’t like spending time at a friends house was when they had a grumpy, scary dad and it sounds like Paul is the opposite of that so I am sure the girls will have lots of fun.
As for house shame I suspect Elizabeth just wants everything to be perfect and this is how she is using her nervous energy.
I also love seeing people’s less than perfectly neat houses. I grew up in a super neat house and was always “the messy one”. I still consider myself a messy person today but I often wonder, Am I Really?? Yes, compared to the way my mother keeps house I definitely am, but we are not living in filth or among huge piles of clutter (small piles of clutter? sometimes yes). We deep clean regularly and have days when everything is tidy but then we slip into days when there are stacks of things on the dining room table, everything needs a good dusting and I can’t even bring myself to look in the kids bathroom for fear of what I will see. I never know if this is “normal mess” or if we are just disgusting.
Do men’s sneezes increase in volume with each passing year? Is that a thing? I feel certain the man I dated way back when didn’t sneeze like this.
I hope the sleepover is super fun for all.
My daughter is super neat and organized in her room, and I can’t imagine her cleaning the house for a friend to come over. Truthfully, neither of my kids has ever been super into sleepovers – they both need their own space to sleep too much, although they do frequently stay out until all hours before coming home to sleep peacefully in their own beds. I feel the same way about the Covid thing – more like we’re maybe in the eye of the storm than at the end of the tunnel, but reveling in what we can do now. It’s so lovely of you to be the adult you needed for your own kid.
I feel like we were in the eye of the storm a few weeks ago. We have friends in coastal cities with really high vaccination rates and it seems like they are actually living in a post pandemic world. Meanwhile my city has a very low vaccine rate and full hospitals and I have gone back to the way we were restricting last winter. Ugh. Looking forward to a sleepover update! My youngest asked me yesterday if we could have our besties for a sleepover and I said yes…as soon as all the under 12s are vaccinated, sigh.
The cat climbed into bed and sneezed on my sleeping husband last night, and I giggled to myself.
My parents still fondly tell the story of me raking our entire yard before my Homecoming date picked me up. Combo of nervous energy and shame of the giant leaf debris!
I hope the sleepover goes swimmingly!