Friends, if you are feeling low on energy, may I recommend EATING MORE FOOD? I know decades of women’s magazines have encouraged us to increase our energy levels by EXPENDING energy via exercise (while, interestingly, we simultaneously use that exact same method to DECREASE energy in children and pets), but consider that another idea is to ADD energy, via calories. Like, literally put energy into your body, by eating food, which is the energy humans use.
The weather has been hot, and my job is very physical, and when I am hot and tired I am not hungry. And I have definitely absorbed the message from this culture that if you’re not hungry, don’t eat, because fewer calories is always better than more calories: if you’re not hungry it’s, like, bonus, Free Dieting! But today I was feeling just absolutely sapped, and I was wondering if I needed more vitamins or more yoga or more sleep or what, and then I mentally went over what I’d eaten the last few days, and it seemed like there was an important clue to be found there.
Today I am going to eat even if I am not hungry, and see if that helps. And I don’t mean I am going to add some of the very low-calorie foods we’ve been trained to view as “””healthy”””; I mean I am going to add CALORIES, which is literally the way we measure the energy in food: more calories = more energy. I am going to take ENERGY, and I am going to PUT IT INTO MY BODY, and I am going to see if that INCREASES ENERGY LEVELS IN MY BODY.
Huh. I may try that right now. I’ll report back.
I have a very dear friend who is beginning a terrible unwanted marital separation right now, and she is Not Eating (or sleeping for that matter.) She’s too exhausted to do any of the practical things she needs to do. I keep trying to feed her but so far, no dice.
Oh, I’m so sorry. Having been through medical and/or grief related lack of appetite with several family members, it’s so painful to watch them literally fade away. Have you tried fruit and (full fat) yogurt smoothies? Sometimes they can get that down when nothing else will go. Avocado chunks, hemp seeds, flax meal, and chia can sneak in extra fat and protein, too.
When I was in a similar situation, my sister kept me alive on bananas, boiled eggs, and peanuts. Somehow easy to swallow and many calories even in small bites. Might be worth a try?
Thank you both for these compassionate replies. I am trying smoothies and appealing fresh fruit. Avocado is a great idea! But keeping at it with another grown adult begins to feel like nagging, no matter how necessary. I do appreciate the suggestions.
It’s so easy to overlook this. When I was running 10Ks every year with my dad I knew I got grouchy at around the 7.5km mark, and I knew it was because I’d used up a lot of energy and my blood sugar was running low, so one year I bought one of those packets of energy gels – essentially a glucose and electrolyte goo – with the full intention of ripping it open and sucking it down when I started to flag. Friends, I finished that race still grouchy and carrying the gel pack in my hand. I just couldn’t make the connection in the moment, even though I had planned for it and put a mitigation measure in place. If anything I was even more grumpy at myself for schlepping this thing with me for the full 10K, trying not to drop it and making my hand uncomfortable.
And another thing: when I see moms putting down other moms about letting their kids drink apple juice at the playground it drives me NUTS! Not just because, really? Moms don’t have enough to worry about without flack from other moms? But because of the vilifying of sugar. Sugar is fuel for those kids that are dashing around and swinging from monkey bars and playing “the sand is lava” etc. Sure, I probably shouldn’t consume a lot of sugar myself, but I’m a sedate middle-aged woman. If I was burning the energy these kids are I’d benefit from a sip of juice too!
I love this post. I think so many of us get conditioned that a really low amount of calories (does 1200 resonate with anyone?) is the ‘right’ amount for adult women, when in reality for most of us that is less than the amount we would burn just laying in bed for the entire day and nowhere near the amount that we actually need for a day that involves working at a job or doing house work or taking care of children or intentionally exercising. Our bodies need energy to Do The Things, and we get that energy from eating things that have calories – but we are bombarded with messaging to the contrary.
Where on earth did 1200 come from? I am nearly bed-bound with a chronic illness (I can get up to go to the bathroom and get back to bed, and I usually manage 10 minutes of placid recumbent exercise biking per day unless I have something else going on like a blood test or a shower [cannot both shower and do the biking or my body does bad things], but if I do much more than bathroom trips plus the one biking expedition [to a different room from the bedroom or bathroom – so exciting!], I either black out [if upright] or vomit [if I expend more physical spoons than I have]).
And guess what? Even with this ridiculously low exercise quantity *and* with at least one my medications being a metabolism slow-down thing, *I* need more than 1200 calories per day to maintain weight [spouse keeps track of calories in vs. weight so I do not go crazy; I *think* the magic number of Yay Not Losing More Weight is 1350-ish maybe? But definitely over 1200].
All of you who are doing things like walking or working (or otherwise not just lying here like a perpetual occupant of a Victorian Fainting Couch), especially if you are not 5′ tall and 80 years old – you *probably need more than* 1200 calories of real intake to have a stable weight, and your body uses calories more effectively and doesn’t steal from your muscles as much when you have a stable intake than when you have high-intake chunks of time and then way-too-low-intake chunks of time.
(I would note that sugar highs and crashes are often counterproductive from an energy point of view and also from a sheer-functionality point of view, though, so if your body copes with plain sugar poorly, make sure your sugar is adequately chaperoned. So there is that; if you’re in the sugar-headache camp like I am, have some protein/fat/fiber with your sugar or otherwise high glycemic index foods. Peanut butter toast is great; more-portably, having some nuts with your chocolate is magic; get some protein into your smoothies; etc.)
But yes. Calories are fuel. Fuel is good for keeping things running. Something-something fight the patriarchy and the American advertising industry.
I’ve only heard 1200 as the recommended minimum any adult should get, even when dieting.
Which suggests people should be dieting, which is a whole other problem.
Hi Slim. I totally agree that dieting for appearance is indeed problematic, but there will always be people with legitimate medical needs to lower their weight, even if many, many people are healthy at any weight. My husband unfortunately got some not-so-great genes from his mother’s side – she, her brother, and her parents all died relatively young of cardiovascular issues – so he does have to make an effort to keep his weight down and if it creeps up he does have to diet if he doesn’t also want to risk dying young.
And for those people who do have a need, or even a desire, to diet, it’s not recommended that they consume less than 1200 calories a day, which was my original point. I’ve never heard of 1200 as a standard for daily consumption for women. Not that it’s never been suggested, just that I’ve not run across it, and I wanted to contribute my experience since Heather asked “does 1200 resonate with anyone?”
I know we are also conditioned not to drink calories, but I also find myself in the position that Swistle describes here: too hot to want to eat, but need food, and I have found smoothies are perfect for this one moment. They are cold and drink-like but get calories (and vitamins, some fiber) into the body.
smoothies are YUMMY!
So I think what we are all saying is women are smart and intuitive enough to figure out What To Eat and How To Eat It, and not let the Patriarchy (or men; whichever you prefer) tell us the answer in some robotic Stepford “three square meals” plus “insert male-designed exercise of choice” here?
I have a friend who recently tried a dieting program and said it was so disgusting she spit the bars out and returned the packaged “healthy food.” I don’t know why we do this to ourselves and it’s shocking that so many companies make billions off this perpetual cycle of brain washing.
Oh-the packaged “healthy food”! Weight watchers used to sell that stuff at meetings, and I would look at the ingredients, calorie count, and think “I could have some almonds and a banana” without eating all that artificial crap. It used to drive me crazy that they were promoting healthy eating, but selling stuff that had no nutritional value that I could see.
Yes! When I was a breastfeeding single mom I felt I just NEVER could eat enough, so I made a mixture of salted buttermilk with fresh orange juice and I think I drank about a liter of it per day for MONTHS.
I have to say here some little girl in my first-grader’s class told her she shouldn’t eat something because it had too many calories, and my WHITE HOT RAGE was nearly eclipsed by the sadness that this girl’s parents had exposed her to this. My daughter had no idea what a calorie was and I had to explain it to her. I was not prepared at 7 years old.
My 5 year old niece told me “a moment on the lips eternity on the hips” and I went ape sht on my sister. Why would you try to give a kid an eating disorder?
I’m so angry about this I’m literally removing my sister as potential guardians for my kids from my will.
I love this post. I have been sitting here, working, and my stomach is rumbling, and I have a headache, and I keep thinking, “Well, I should really go EXERCISE,” but you know what? I need to eat something. And I shall.
YES. Bunches of times I”m like, “WHY DO I HATE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD??” Oh, I haven’t eaten anything in hours? Maybe I’ll do something about that.
I find processed sugars make me even more tired. If I eat a cookie, it’s fine, but if I eat the second one, zzzzzzzzzzzz. However, fruit or veggies or nuts or an actual meal seem to do me ok. Anything really processed, like potato chips, zzzzzzzzzzzz. But that’s me and you do you.
Your post reminded me of this part of Bridget Jones’s Diary, where a friend comments about her diet that he thought humans needed more calories than that to survive: “I looked at him nonplussed. I realized that I have spent so many years being on a diet that the idea that you might actually need calories to survive has been completely wiped out of my consciousness. Have reached point where believe nutritional ideal is to eat nothing at all, and that the only reason people eat is because they are so greedy they cannot stop themselves from breaking out and ruining their diets.”
OMG this quote! This is amazing.
OMG, I just commented this without reading the comments! Gwen, you and I are on the same page!
Yay, kindred spirits! I first read the book in 2000, and that passage has stuck with me because it so perfectly encapsulates the way in which our minds have been warped by diet culture.
Oh my gosh yes. Occasionally when I am grouchy my husband will say are you hungry? He’s been asking me the same question for 40 years, and now I just yes and he will feed me something, and usually I am not grouchy/low energy/etc any more. (I used to get ticked when he would ask, but he learned a long time ago that he either asks and gets me something to eat, or gets out of my way!)
Lol, that’s me and my partner, only I’m the one feeding him. There’s something about being hangry that short-circuits the ‘wait, maybe I should eat something’ part of his brain and so I literally carry snacks around like he’s a toddler and hand him one when he starts getting snippy.
I have just been through a hellish bout of restricted eating, trying to solve/figure out a reflux issue. And when you try very, very hard to follow the reflux rules for eating, you CANNOT EAT. The recommended eating plans are seriously like: half a piece of dry toast for breakfast. snack: half a banana. small portion of salad with fat free dressing for lunch. snack: other half of your banana. dinner: small portion of brown rice and plain chicken. Don’t eat after 6 pm. Don’t eat too much in one sitting. And hilariously, don’t let your stomach get empty. I guess I’m weird because I actually do need to eat to live, so this didn’t work for me very well.
Oh geez, I did that too. I lost about 20 pounds I didn’t need to lose trying to follow the reflux rules. I cut out almost everything. And it turned out I had a hiatal hernia and food really had nothing to do with it. Cliff notes version of the reflux diet: take your meds and then… just don’t eat. Fixed!
Like you, I’m not hungry when I’m hot or tired. I live where it is very hot for most of the year, and I have an active lifestyle. I also lose my appetite when I’m stressed, grieving or not feeling well. (My mom and sister are like this, too.) Needless to say, dieting isn’t my challenge, but maintaining healthy eating habits can be. I have developed a few tricks for fueling my body, in case anyone else is trying to figure this out. First, drink something cooling with calories throughout the day. My favorite is ayran, a Bulgarian drink made by mixing 1:1 (full fat) yogurt and water, and a pinch of salt. Probiotics, salt, protein and hydration in one neat package. Second, eat something at every mealtime. It doesn’t have to be more than a piece of peanut butter and toast, but eat. Third, skip the pre-packaged snacks and junk food (unless that’s actually what I’m craving). They are easy to grab, but despite the calories they don’t provide enough fuel. Trail mix is great for this. Still an easy grab, but better fuel. And if the heat is what is getting to me, the salt is good to have.
I honestly don’t know how you read my mind BUT I was just thinking of this today, how we focus so much on “low whatever (calorie, carb, fat)” and not at all on HIGH whatever (nutrition/ energy/ vitamins). In the book Bridget Jones’ Diary, there is a scene where she is completely taken aback by her friend asking her how many calories she needs to just…live. She thinks something along the lines of “thinking that the optimal number of calories to consume is zero, and anything over that is just gluttony.” It’s this crazy moment of awakening when she realizes that she needs actual food to actually thrive.
This. Eating is a thing we need to do. Eating for energy, eating for pleasure, eating for community building.
Way back in the mid-90s I read that some ridiculous percentage of women (70%?) were anemic because they didn’t eat enough protein and I realized I was one of them. Since then I’ve tried really hard to eat for energy and to eat enough. When I don’t, I get so incredibly grouchy that people in my family thrust food at me and insist I eat. I hate that society is fine with women starving themselves.
Wow. I am feeling totally sapped, like I want to lay down but not sleep. I’ve also eaten not that much today. Am I hungry?? Do I just need food? Going to go to the kitchen and find out…
Working in an elementary school, I have students who say they feel sick-headaches, stomach aches, the whole kit and kaboodle. The first thing the nurse asks is “have you eaten?”-and she provides them with a snack. Almost always, that takes care of their problem. Even though we have free breakfasts, I think some children just aren’t hungry in the morning (I sympathize, I feel the same but make myself eat)-but it does take its toll. I totally agree with so many who have said we have learned as women, that eating is somehow the enemy. The less you eat, the “better” you are. I’ve always thought it was a way of lessening ourselves, the feeling we need to be smaller and take up less space. As I get older, I’ve learned to embrace my size and to own my space.
Why is it that they say everyone woman who is 5″4 ” should weigh a certain amount? Do they all have the same size shoe? The same length of inseam? Why does the weight have to be uniform when they take other variables into account?
“The less you eat, the “better” you are.” This really struck a chord with me: my mother is an all-or-nothing person and I’ve been horrified to hear her proclaim while dieting “I’ve been so GOOD today! I didn’t eat ANYTHING until 5:30!” I’ve told her that that’s not actually good, but I think she just stopped telling me rather than adjust her way of thinking or what she actually does.
As a fitness instructor I’ve tried to contradict this way of thinking, especially at the gym where I think my words have impact: when I hear people say things like “I was so bad, I ate some cookies a coworker brought in today!” I try to respond “Food choices don’t make you a bad person, or a good person. Today you’re a good person that happened to eat a cookie. Tomorrow you may be a good person who happens to eat an apple. Or another cookie. But if the latter, you’ll still be a good person.”
I love it when a coach reminds me to eat. Jama from Echelon (it’s like Peleton for half the price), at the end of the ride, says “eat something, and that includes everyone here, that includes those of you working out for weight loss.”
Initially it confused me, but now I understand I can look for something between half a pizza (nor exaggerating) and depressingly limp celery.
I remember the first time I came home from a busy, draining work day in the school office and ate a bunch of carbs, and when I was done I THOUGHT I should feel gross but I ACTUALLY FELT amazing, like I had given my body exactly what it needed at that exact time. It’s bullshit that that’s an epiphany, but that is where we are.
I went to a dietitian to try to get in shape for my wedding. She looked at my food diary and reported that I wasn’t eating enough calories (I had my goal set at 1200.) We changed the goal to 1500 and life was so much better. It was the first time I realized fewer calories did not equal healthier.
This.
AMEN!
I’m really fascinated by how many people really focus on calories! I mean… I’m not slim. I’m not very overweight either but my size is definitely something I’m conscious of. But I made a decision after having kids to focus on giving to my body instead of depriving it. So less a mentality of ‘no processed junk or sugar today’ and more one of ‘loads of water, loads of fresh fruit and veg, move my body every day’. Whether that works in terms of being an ‘acceptable’ size, who knows? But it seems to be working in terms of obsessing about things less, so I’m gonna take that as a win.
Food choices are so personal and cultural and often difficult if our food choices don’t align with those around us. I try to eat mindfully–as in some days I’ll consume a chile relleno or sip a glass of wine. I know full-well the fried relleno doesn’t do my heart any good any good nor the wine for my liver and brain, but I’ll make those choices because the joy they bring me is so worth it. And I’ll go awhile before consuming them again. I feel so much better if I just listen to what my body is asking for (whether broccoli or bread or whatever) instead of what society says I should (and should not) be eating. Thank you, Swistle, for reminding us to just eat.