OH OKAY LET’S TALK ABOUT MOTHER’S DAY!
I would say that, for me, the absolute KEY was to shift to the approach of making some arrangements so that I’d have a nice day even if no one else did a single thing. (This is also the approach I now use for Valentine’s Day.) I don’t LIKE that this is the way it has to be, but I also don’t like feeling sad and resentful (and as if maybe I am a terrible mother and that’s why my children don’t love me), so I take what power for change is available to me. I aimed for arrangements that, instead of seeming like “I am celebrating myself!,” would hopefully seem more like “Mother’s Day is a fun day full of treats!”
I can’t remember which arrangements I’d already told you about, but here they are:
• I ordered pastries for us all to have for breakfast
• I ordered some nice chocolates to put out for all-day partaking (you’d think with five children the chocolates would be gone in a FLASH, but they are all very Suspicious about chocolate-box chocolates)
• I bought a few small/medium things (another kind of fruit jellies I wanted to try; a bottle of nail polish; a new moisturizer) that caught my attention in the week or two before Mother’s Day, without mentioning those items to anyone else as “Mother’s Day things”—just, I saw each thing and I thought “Ooo, I’d like to have that. Oh! It could be a little Mother’s Day thing!,” and I ordered it
• I said that I wanted to watch a movie of my choice (at home) and have snacks again, like we did last year; attendance was not mandatory, it was just on offer for anyone who wanted to join me
• I brought up the topic of what-dinner-should-I-not-have-to-cook-on-Mother’s-Day, and I suggested pizza (easy and we all like it), and Paul counter-offered that he could instead expend vast time and energy making lasagna and rustic rolls, and I accepted his counter-offer
• I presumed as if it were A Given that we would be going for “our usual” (i.e., we did it for the first time last year) Mother’s Day trail walk, so that we could have a pretty background and rosy cheeks for the annual Mother’s Day picture of me with the kids; I said that if anyone didn’t want to go on the walk, we could do a photo in the yard first, and then anyone who wanted to go on the walk could go from there—but everyone opted to go on the walk)
And I had a nice day, all day long. I woke up feeling happy and excited about the treats stretching ahead of me throughout the day. I did no cleaning all day long. Some of the children DID do Mother’s Day things; Paul had privately prompted/reminded them several times over the last few weeks. (Though one unvaccinated-and-non-driver’s-license-possessing child handed me cash and a printed-out photo of what he’d wanted to buy me, saying he hadn’t been able to figure out any way to obtain the item—so Paul could perhaps have been a little more clear on his availability to ASSIST.) One child had the good idea of baking a kind of cookie (oatmeal scotchies) that is widely known to be a kind MOTHER particularly likes even though everyone else is meh about them, and I felt that was a stellar idea, and showed some encouraging empathy development, as well as demonstrating to all concerned that a financial outlay is not required.
I would be very interested to hear stories (good and/or bad and/or mediocre) of how YOUR day went, if applicable, and/or if there is anything you want to change for next year.
Long story short, my only two requests for Mother’s Day was that we all clean up together on Saturday so I didn’t have to on Sunday, and I didn’t want to cook.
Husband stayed up late drinking and playing video games with his friends on Saturday, so cleaning up didn’t happen. He slept in while I took care of the kids and then sat in the dirty house until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was 3/4 of the way through dishes when he finally woke up. It was cold and rainy all day.
I took the kids over to my parents, ordered Chinese for everyone, went to pick it up, ate it. It was fine.
Next year I’m just leaving for the day, my husband can figure out what to do with the kids and the house. Maybe I’ll just order a pizza for myself and eat in the parking lot with a goddamn book.
On my part I asked to sleep in and not have to do any chores (I still ended up making lunch but that was it). I got a present of chocolates and flowers in the morning which was nice, and in the evening I got to pick what we ordered for dinner.
The biggest thing was that while making lunch my husband was napping as if he was sooo exhausted from the morning’s work (as if I don’t do that every day!)
Thankfully, we were able to go out to my parents’ house and drop off a gift for my mother. I made cinnamon buns and packed some up for her, along with some chai tea bags and a card. I had coordinated with my sister who I knew was taking her flowers. We didn’t want to give her the same thing.
Ugh! Hand pats Marion. My Mother’s Day was fine, I did
Ask for a clean house and was basically told no, but had low expectations anyway.
I have to mention, in my husband’s defense, he has a pretty terrible relationship with his own mom, so Mother’s Day isn’t really a thing for him.
He called his mom in the evening while I put the kids to bed, and she sobbed through the whole conversation, told him his oldest (estranged) brother was going to prison for attempted murder, and said she might as well just kill herself. SO, uh, that really put things into perspective for me.
Also, I bought myself a skateboard. Because I’m an adult with money and wanted to. Husband thought it was great.
Right there with you, sis. Literally none of them even told me “Happy Mother’s Day”, and I was just really hurt about it all day. I do not ask for anything elaborate, literally just basic acknowledgement that they appreciate me. And maybe a plant, but honestly, my bar is low — and they didn’t even meet THAT.
“Sad and resentful” is basically exactly what it was.
Thinking of you
I think leaving for the day is a great idea. One year I went to a greenhouse which also has very cool kitchen stuff, china-basically my happy place. All while playing soothing music! I wandered around there, then stopped by the bookstore, browsed some more. It was so relaxing and fun.
Last comment was MaureenR-I forgot there is another Maureen who posts!
I’m blaming my after work cocktail on what is happening right now :)
Wait – I am ANOTHER Maureen. I can’t believe this. :)
Eating fast food in the parking lot while reading my book has been my pandemic version of a mom’s night out. -_-
That’s the sort of thing I do for my birthday but it didn’t occur to me to set up anything for Mother’s Day because I don’t usually really care about it much. Except this year it turned out I did and in hindsight I should have because I spent the day vaguely thinking my kids were crap and it was my fault for bringing them up to be horrible people, which was not conducive to enjoying myself.
My kids aren’t crap or horrible people, but they have not been trained to buy into the MD machine and they didn’t really get that joking about how they didn’t see any mothers here was not the hilarious jape they thought it was, because they’re 12 and 15. So bah humbug and thank you for giving me this opportunity to whine.
Yes, bah humbug, MD!
I would like to acknowledge and applaud your rare use of the word “jape”.
Glad you had a nice day! I’m getting better about voicing what I want and it’s nice to know I’m heard once in a while. Take out dinner and spending time together as a family is all that I need for Mother’s Day. The tradition is to go on a hike, the kind where I can see some spring wildflowers. Last year my daughter was having stress-related stomach issues (hello covid lockdown!) and it didn’t go well. I had high hopes for this year. Well, it was cold and rainy, but wanted to do it anyway. They were troopers – we got about an hour in before fingers were losing sensation and we were getting very soaked. The fact that there was very little complaining (even from the 13 year old going through the aloof, too-cool-for-anything phase) and I didn’t have to carry anyone was a success. My mom and I have a bit of a strained relationship, but she was happy to get some flowers delivered from us. And we had an unusually pleasant conversation.
Pretty well. My co-mother decided she was going to do something she wanted to do and she was out of the house for seven hours taking a kayaking class and picking up her choice of takeout for dinner. I put some things I’d like for a special lunch on the grocery list and ate them. I read a lot. The kids produced gifts after dinner. That was about it.
Mother’s Day was harder with two moms when we had little kids because there was no one to pick up the childcare slack so we could have a day off. But now that the kids are self-entertaining, that’s not a problem.
Oh, that’s hard! I hadn’t thought about how heteronormative these things are!
Your day sounds great! I’m glad you arranged it to your satisfaction.
Mine was OK- the thing I like to do is go out for breakfast at a diner on Saturday, but of course that is currently not possible. Hubby did his best to recreate said breakfast at home on Sunday (bacon, hash browns), which was nice, and I especially appreciated that he got up early enough to make the bacon before breakfast time, rather than making us all wait while he swears at the sizzling fat.
I received no cards in the mail in advance. I would chalk the lateness up to the overloaded postal system, but the absence of cards from certain parties was mystifying. I’m not offended, just confused based on precedent- normally my mom, MIL, and step MIL all send cards. Only MIL did and hers was shedding glitter so I tossed it. I think ours got to them late, too, so humph.
My child is 9, and right now his idea of “doing nice stuff for mommy” is for him to play with me, so I spent part of my day pretending to hunt zombies in the back yard and part of it playing Roblox. I enjoy doing those things with my kiddo, so that was ok. He brought me breakfast in bed with an assist from his dad and flowers from our garden. We also made brunch for my mom and made her feel loved, and then we got takeout for dinner. My husband: “we could have that leftover roast beef for dinner.” Me, muttering: “I thought I was getting Mother’s Day takeout.” This resulted in him immediately changing course and suggesting that we get takeout. :) Which was delicious.
It wasn’t a bad day at all and I’ll take it.
My day was also satisfactory! Our family approach is that in the days leading up to any special event, I make my expectations VERY CLEAR. That is because sometimes I care and sometimes I don’t depending on how connected and appreciated I am feeling in my relationships at the time.
So this year I told them not to do anything as I did not wish a gift, but I reserved the right to request an outing on the day of if I so chose. So both the 50 year old partner and the 13 year old child kept the day clear and it was a nice balance of outings of my choosing (breakfast, wandering through marshalls, walking the dogs, naps, etc)
Oooh, one funny thing did happen, which if I had been invested in the day could have been crushing! The week before my husband had said he’d call for brunch reservations and I said, okay, that sounds fine. Then he texted me….”BRUNCH IS BOOKED” which I thought meant, “I have secured the reservation for the brunch” and it turns out he meant “the restaurant is completely booked so we shall have to do something different” I was flabbergasted when I asked him what time our reservation was and he was like, “i told you they were booked!”
This has me puzzling what he would have texted if he HAD successfully booked brunch!
THANK YOU!
My husband planned for us to have brunch at his mom’s house, but he considerately made it for 11am instead of 9am so I could sleep in. I talked to my mom and we agreed to celebrate MD with her a week late. Usually my MDs are spent half with my in-laws, half with my mom, and no time for me, so this was an improvement! I asked my husband to have the kids (6yo and 2.5yo) make me cards, and we ordered takeout for dinner.
He did come through on the kid drawings; my 6yo made me a picture with rainbows and hearts that said “Mommy, I love you so moth” and I got a piece of paper with a couple scribbles from my disinterested 2yo. Now, if it was Father’s Day, would I have assisted the 2yo with making handprint art that he could cherish forever, instead of a couple of halfhearted scribbles? Yes. But I know my husband is not the crafty type, and if I want handprint art I will have to make it myself, so although the scribbles were unimpressive, at least I wasn’t surprised. And I was glad he came through with the thing I asked for.
The weird part was the card – a super sweet store-bought card saying how important I am to him and how much he appreciates me, but above his signature he wrote “Thanks for sticking it out with us this past year.” WTF. Did he think I was going to leave him? Kill myself? Abandon my children because I didn’t sign up to be a stay-at-home parent during a pandemic when literally every single activity for a whole year was on lockdown and we couldn’t even use our parents as babysitters? Wtf?! We talk all the time about how great of a marriage we have, and if there are any issues we talk about them and compromise, we work well together, etc…
Yesterday he came into my office and said “hey, I hope you got from the card how much I appreciate everything you do for the kids” and I was like okay well if we’re going to have a conversation about the card, let me hear your thinking about the part you wrote…quoted it for him and then he laughed and was like “oh yeah I can see how that came across differently than what I meant…” I said “I wouldn’t leave my kids motherless! Or you without any help!” and he immediately, without missing a beat, said “Oh I’d find them a replacement mommy right away, it’d be fine.”
And now that we’ve laughed about it I’m fine with the weird note on the card.
OK-I cracked up at your husband’s comment on the sweet card, because it is such a man thing to do. My husband would absolutely do the same thing, sweet card-cue foot in mouth. Glad you are able to laugh about it, and it will probably be one of those family jokes every Mother’s Day. “Hey husband, are you glad I stuck it out with you all this year?.
I can’t decide whether I should write the same on his Father’s Day card. LOL!
Yes please do this!
I was EXTREMELY clear gifts were to be of time and service only – do not buy me more things that I do not need and likely didn’t want (unless it was diamonds haha).
My oldest appeared with a fountain diet coke and fresh flowers for breakfast. My middle child made a very elaborate mother’s day card with a lovely letter inside. My daughter made me some beautiful earrings to go with a necklace that I recently bought. Then we ordered dinner in and ate together. The oldest (college student) spent the WHOLE DAY downstairs with us, which was so wonderful.
My dog ate one of my Mother’s Day flowers and then threw up 6 times! And I had to call animal poison control to make sure she was going to be ok (she is). Other than that, I had a nice day with my son. I’m just glad I avoided the doggie ER.
Oh no, your poor dog, and poor you!! Especially SIX TIMES. I’m so glad she’s OK. I hope you had enough warning each time to shift her to somewhere less dangerous before she puked!
YES. I have FULLY embraced this approach myself and it is FANTASTIC. Especially since the divorce, as my co-parent ex-husband does nothing to encourage the kids to celebrate or appreciate their mother (whereas *I* take them shopping and remind them re: Fathers Day and his birthday…but that is another story). So I plan an enjoyable treat-filled day and expect nothing from my children (12 and 14) except pleasant behavior and hopefully a photo. Anything else is gravy.
This year I planned lunch out (eating outside, at a restaurant we all enjoy, which is no small task considering Chick Fil A is closed on Sundays) and bought myself flowers. And…my daughter made me a cake and my son made me a card. AND I got photos. WIN.
Well, the BEST part of my day was when one of my girlfriends texted 2 of us saying “Next year we are going on a trip for Mother’s day – dumbest holiday ever!” (She wasn’t mistreated, just wanted to vent about the too-high expectations, kids who don’t get it, etc. aspects.)
HA! I hope we really will.
I took a small nap and was given some sweet cards/gifts (new throw blanket, new pjs, chocolate, a Sbux card). I cannot complain.
My daughter has always been really good at Mother’s Day, and she has gotten even better as she gets older (she’s now 11), plus she inspires my husband to do more than he would on his own so it is a total win for me. This year, the two of them went out shopping together a week before MD and selected a bunch of items that were complete surprises and were all very thoughtfully chosen (books, beauty items, accessories – not big ticket items but just what I like to get so I don’t feel like they went overboard!). I had suggested a couple of gift ideas to my husband in advance as well and he got those TOO! They both nicely wrapped things/put them in gift bags AND wrote me cards. Throughout the day, I got to do activities of my choosing both on my own and with one or both of them, and it was both a fun and relaxing day (it rained so we didn’t do outdoor things we might have otherwise, but that was fine!). Dinner was of my choosing and they had gone out to get me a special dessert which I had chosen because I don’t like leaving important variables such as dessert up to chance. My daughter was SO excited for me to open gifts so that added to the feeling of specialness and delight. It was a great day. I’m so glad yours went well, too!!
I was just thinking last night that you hadn’t written an update yet, so I was glad to see this today! I made myself cinnamon buns and took half to my mother, leaving the somewhat grumpy teenager at home. He later gave me a pretty painting he did at school (If he wasn’t taking art, I doubt there would’ve been anything) and we had a nice dinner that I cooked. My ex-husband gave me contraption to re-grow scallions after I had mentioned how oddly satisfying I have found re-growing them during the pandemic. All in all, a nice day.
I am so glad it turned out so well! Hooray!
I similarly took control, with the same gritted teeth feeling of wishing I did not have to, but preferring it to the alternative of disappointment/woe over what a terrible wife/mother I must be.
I told my husband in advance I wanted Real Flowers – and had to specify that this meant from a florist or, if he wanted to get them from the grocery store he needed to put them in a vase. And I wanted a book and I wanted Mexican food for takeout. And he followed through, plus got me a couple of little things he thought I might like (and I did!), plus insisted that I not do any dishes that day. It was snowy (!) and grey so I lay around and read all day. It was very nice.
My daughter made me a coaster at school and I was filled with such love and gratitude for her teacher. And all teachers, especially the moms who teach the lower grades where making mother’s day gifts goes on. It is such a kind thing to do and I was just suffused with adoration – they are already doing SO MUCH, we are in a pandemic for pete’s sake, and yet they still think to have the kids make a gift for their parents. (Apparently they also made coasters for the dads, since school will be out by the time father’s day rolls around.) It made me teary.
As a preschool teacher, it meant so much to read about your appreciation for these parent gifts! It was so kind and thoughtful of you to recognize and mention the time and thought that goes into them, thank you. xo
My day was the usual mixed bag. My husband is actually very good at getting cards and physical gifts and making me dinner and all of that. However, every year the only thing I ask for is time alone. Oldest is 18 so it’s been 18 times I’ve asked for this and somehow it is still a struggle. Oldest was fine with giving me space to read my book, sit outside and relax, and watch The Undoing (which I recommend). Youngest tries but she’s only 11 and really wants to be with me and every year H fails to plan anything with her (or previously Oldest when he was much younger) to keep her occupied and out of my space so she just drifts into my orbit all day causing me to feel like a bad mom for just wanting a few hours to do my own thing or causing H to yell at her to give me space, which makes her cry, and then I end up comforting her. By the time the day is over I’m just ready for it to be done. I’d gladly forgo the presents and dinner if it meant I could also skip the conflict and low-grade feeling of frustration. Sigh.
My mom died when I was 7 (1987) and my adopted mom died in 2011 so mother’s days have almost always been a bummer for me. But I got married last year so this year I’m a stepmom for Mother’s Day! It was great! My husband was very generous, and by mentioning to my daughter that she should get or make a card for my mil I also got a drawing. We took mil, fil, and both kids to a top chef contestants restaurant for a Fancy Dinner. I really like how you’ve managed expectations for the holiday and will keep this in mind when the newness wears off around here :)
UK Mother’s Day is in March. But to be fair my husband is pretty good at this stuff. He is not a spontaneous romantic gesture person but he does always put effort in. He bought me some small gifts (scented candles have been the theme of this year’s gift giving, I also got one at Christmas and my birthday ;)), I slept in, went for a long run, and we had a lovely meal delivered from the pub down the street. My kids are still too little to do loads themselves but my 5-year-old learned a song at school and made me a special card. Tbh the solo long run was the best part!
I don’t take any of this for granted. It’s taken years to get to the point where I’ve set our Clear Expectations for major events. I don’t need lots of money or fanfare but I go to lots of effort for him on these occasions so I would be super sad if he didn’t put some effort in.
I worked on Mother’s Day (4:30am shift, for an airline). When I got home around lunch time, I started making myself something to eat and my husband took over making it for me (VERY UNUSUAL) so that was very nice! I
got texts from all 3 nearly-grown kids (and a future son-in-law!)–my bar is low these days so a text was perfect. Talked to my mom on the phone, took a long walk with a friend and went to bed before the sun set (due to being up since 3:30am)
WOW this gives me such hope! I honestly feel like this report has bouyed my own Mother’s Day.
My day was very highs and lows. I have felt VERY….conflicted about being a mother this year (my children are small and I had to close my business to facilitate their care and schooling and WOW do not recommend being a mother during a pandemic) and it just….it bleeds over into the day for me. I want to feel fun and silly and only grateful! But it feels INTENSE.
Going into the weekend, I planned a small (outdoor, fully vaccinated) bar hangout the day before Mother’s Day with my mom friends because honestly THEY are one of my favorite parts of being a mom? And I got to hug them for the first time in 14 months and wear a cute dress and that was very fun. On the actual day, I had decided that for now, in our family, Mother’s Day is about Teaching The Children To Be Thoughtful. This actually went pretty well- my kids made me breakfast, my husband took them to buy me a card and flowers, and my son asked my husband to get me a “SUPER BIG AMAZON GIFT CARD” which is all wonderful! They are learning! But/AND the kids cracked our stovetop when making breakfast, my husband broke our vacuum when cleaning and DANG if I didn’t have to be the one to call and solve those problems.
So, highs and lows. SO intense! So many feelings (mostly my own).
My daughter is 14 and it is just her and I. She announced on Saturday that she was going to cook me dinner for Mother’s Day, and could I please pick out a recipe I wanted and also buy the groceries? I would have been annoyed, but she got her request in with enough time for me to add just a few items to our regular Sunday shopping pickup, and then she brought everything in and put it all away, and shooed me out of the kitchen while she made potato and leek soup. And honestly, the soup was delicious!
I am so glad you had an enjoyable Mother’s Day!
Mine was good. Talked with my step-mom, had Zoom dinner with my sister and her husband in Vermont, and my mom, stepdad, and my SON in NYC while I was here in VA. My son spent the day with my mom and yes, I was jealous, but I did not say so.
I love reading about everyone’s Mother’s Day!
Me too! It’s lovely to have that kind of solidarity here, for the good stories and the not so good.
I’m not a mom, but spent the weekend with my parents and went flower shopping with my mom this weekend. It was fun for both of us and I’m enjoying the (way too many) flowers I bought this week.
I have a friend who adopted a little girl and is a single mom. My gift to her was that I would take her daughter Mother’s Day shopping every year, with the catch that I would let her daughter pick out whatever she wanted with no input from me. She’s 3 this year, so didn’t quite get the idea yet (especially since she hasn’t shopped much over the last year), but she had fun picking out a few things for her mom. I’m pretty sure she thought she was picking out stuff for herself. The theme was purple and one of the gifts was a stuffed Harry Potter toy. I didn’t pay too much attention, but figured she had picked it b/c it had a purple turban. Turns out that it was a Professor Quirrel/Voldemort toy ;) I might have added some input had I noticed that, but it makes for a fun story.
Your day sounds wonderful! Good for you for taking matters into your own hands, and it sounds like the kids are coming along, slowly. My only child is 28 and living in another state, so my needs and expectations are low. I can do whatever I please, which I did, and no one expects me to cook on ANY day, so.
Our daughter offered to come for the day, but it’s a 7-hour drive (each way) and it wouldn’t be any kind of restful day for me to worry about her driving for fourteen hours for a one-day visit, so we compromised and WE are driving to visit HER in a couple of weeks. She wanted to buy me a hanging plant — which has been a hugely successful gift in the past: as long as I remember to water it every day, it lasts all summer and is a constant reminder of her thoughtfulness. She and her dad did a FaceTime at the nursery and they picked out a plant that I love.
Then, later in the day, we had a nice phone call where I told her how happy I am that she is my daughter, and that I got perfection with my first child and called it done, and she told me she was glad I am her mom, and we will have more fun adventures in the future.
I was on a business trip that spanned the weekend so I was away for MD. I totally understand how the idea to be away from your children on MD became a thing. It was kind of fantastic. I had a friend fly in from several states away for about 30 hours, Friday afternoon to Sunday early morning. We got our nails done, browsed a shop aimlessly, and ate inside a restaurant since we are both vaccinated. There were drinks at lunch and dinner. She flew out early, early Sunday and I slept in. My husband FaceTime’d me with the kids. They had hidden three cards in my luggage. My daughter showed me a craft she had waiting at home. Then a male colleague, also away on business, and I went out to dim sum because he was thoughtful about MD and didn’t want me to eat alone. I was back in pajamas by 4 pm in a quiet hotel with 1/2 bottle of left over wine and a BOOK. a BOOK!
Lesbian with a young child here, so there’s no real respite for Mother’s Day. My wife and I both have May/June birthdays, so it’s basically just a day we have to make sure to FaceTime our mothers with the toddler, who loves them but hates video calls. We could cancel both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and I’d be just fine with it.
Lesbian with teens here. We could never figure out how to make MD work when they were little. It gets better once the kids are more self-sufficient and you can each just do what you want with the day, either together or separately, and each make sure the kids get a present for your wife.
I’m honestly kind of confused about whether I AM a mother. Last year, my foster kids did some fun Mother’s Day stuff for me. This year, only one of those two kids lives with me and he (almost 10) didn’t even say Happy Mother’s Day. I did facilitate sending gifts to his bio mom, mailed her the present he made in school, and supervised an hour long phone call with her.
I’m not trying to sound like a martyr here, but I seem to be doing that anyway….
You aren’t a martyr! You are just in the position of doing mothering without the clear cut title. I’m sorry this day was conflicted for you!
Hi Swistle, I’m really glad yours worked out well.
(I had the horrible shuddery thought that in Australia you’d probably be called Swisso, lol! We’re terrible about nicknames.)
My situation is sort of a mix of “I don’t mind saying exactly what I want” and “how can you not know I don’t want that”.
My birthday is in April, so that’s when I have actual requests for presents. That’s kind of a thing in our family, both sides, and for me it works pretty well. I understand that’s not the case for every family. My preference is for people to put together a list with some specifics (e.g. this exact book), some generic things (e.g. chocolates, t-shirts) and then the buyers can get a few things from that list and maybe a couple surprises, but not necessarily. That way there’s still some variation, and some options for the person to go to a shop and go ooh what if I get them THIS.
My husband prefers it to be that you put things on the list and you get the whole list, but I prefer to put too many things on the list – as it means you get some little surprises and it makes it easier for people to find *something* that you definitely want.
Mother’s Day is different for me. A couple years ago I hit on asking him to give the kids $20 each to choose things for me from a Big W or K-Mart (this is in Australia). My youngest is in her last year of primary school, and so this year could also buy things from the Mother’s Day stall. I was very sad last year when there wasn’t one. I give them a couple suggestions but tell them that whatever they get will be lovely, and it’s easy for them because they just go on the one trip to a shop that’s 15 mins drive from our house. I just love having them choose little things for me, and because my birthday is in April I get that one-two of “I want these specific things please” and “I want you to pick something for me please”.
So I received some lovely little presents. Including a new water bottle, some chocolates, a nice warm blanket, and a pug soft toy (we all like pugs).
I did the usual assisting the youngest with her breakfast, going to the supermarket myself, etc. that I do on Sundays, but I didn’t expect or ask for any different there. I like going to the supermarket myself – it’s much faster!
We went to my mother in laws for lunch. This was OK in some ways, but husband and father in law were difficult as always! Oh well.
One year I booked myself into a hotel for Mother’s Day (still in the city). It was the best! I used their pool which had a great view, I used their lounge which had newspapers and free snacks, I ordered in room service and watched a movie in my suite. Obviously this was pre-pandemic and unfortunately not an option this year. But I would highly recommend it for when possible!
I got a really nice purse for Mother’s Day. I love Disney and on their site they had a Dooney and Bourke purse with an English theme. I’m a total Anglophile, and I need another purse like a hole in the head. I mentioned how much I loved it and my husband got it for me! We had take out that night, but it’s not like it gave me a night off, my husband does the cooking.
My 26 yr old daughter texted me and told me a gift was in the mail. That is fairly new, she doesn’t do gifts or cards on Mother’s Day. It doesn’t bother me because she is very loving and affectionate, so if she doesn’t send a card-I’m fine with that. I’m excited to see the gift though, I think it might be Bee earrings!
I did my favorite thing and read like crazy. So a great day!
Last year on Mother’s Day my husband was quarantining in our bedroom because we thought he might have covid (he didn’t … we don’t think), which I had forgotten all about, so anything would have been an improvement. It turned out to actually be one of my better Mother’s Days – my husband was feeling like gift-giving, apparently (he let the kids choose which gifts they wanted to put their names to, but he picked everything out this year because we’re still not taking them to stores, and, unlike me, he understands that shopping online with kids is a nightmare).
There were several books (after telling me he wasn’t going to get me books, because it would be cheating on my New Year’s resolution to finish all the ones in my stack before I bought or checked out new ones), a few small items for our upcoming camping trip, AND a brand new, VERY NICE AND LARGE AND NOT AT ALL SAGGY camp chair. It was exactly the kind of gift I love from him – something I wouldn’t have bought for myself but ALSO wouldn’t have even thought to ask for that turned out to be something I was really happy to have. And while I can’t help wondering how Mother’s Day turned into a birthday-level holiday (I will blame the pandemic and discourage this level of spending next year), I can’t say I didn’t feel appreciated. I also got the usual breakfast in bed (made my own bread pudding the night before)/homemade artwork from small children.
And the icing on the cake was once again not having to see my in-laws (I think this might be three years running!). My husband took the kids to see his mom for a bit and then to the park for a couple hours, during which time I fantasized about all the things I would get done. I did not actually get anything done, because I was too busy staring into space, awed by the silence. When he came home, we made a steak dinner (I do steak better than he does, so I was happy to cook in this case) and then showed one of my favorite “grown-up movies” (i.e., a live action movie not specifically aimed at children) to our oldest daughter, while the little one happily watched Scooby Doo in the bedroom.
Saturday was my 40th birthday as well as Parents’ Day here in Korea, and then we celebrated Mother’s Day Sunday so I actually flew up to Seoul for a girls’ trip and got to spend 3 nights alone in a hotel room and it was AMAZING. I told the kids before I left that all I wanted for Mother’s Day was to come home to a clean house and oh also I like flowers and the guy who sells flowers out of his truck is usually there when they get off the bus from school. My middle son stopped just short of asking me for flower money but they all got the hint. I came home from my trip to a clean-ish (by husband and kids’ standards) apartment and a bouquet of roses. Sunday was nice out so I dragged everyone out to walk on the beach with me and then watched a friend’s daughter for a few hours b/c it was their anniversary. I played outside at the playground with the kids most of the afternoon while my husband caught up on work and then we walked over for fish and chips and beer outside at the marina. I didn’t have to cook, I didn’t bother cleaning anything. Really, it was exactly the level of celebration required. And then before bed I messaged his mom and step mom and called my own mom as they were all just waking up in the States for Mother’s Day.
My husband got me 3 one pound containers of licorice, each a different variety. I definitely like licorice but this was quite a bit! I think his motto was “ go big or go home”. One of the best parts of this present is they were all beautifully packaged in these striped paper canisters.
I got cards from the kids which were very nice and my son built me a little scene in Minecraft that said “happy Mother’s Day” and then animated fireworks exploded when you pressed a certain key.
Overall it was nice.
My son did one of those things that live on in family folklore being MORTIFYING at the time but funny in retrospect.
He is 6 and they made mother’s day portraits at school. The teacher asked them to draw a picture of Mum in her favourite place. My lovely son drew me in the shower ‘listening to a podcast’. Which is fine and pretty much nailed it. Except, he told me “I don’t know how to draw girls so I just drew you normal”. It sounded ominous, and yep, when I got the card there I was with a very clearly drawn male appendage.
I was horrified but have spoken with his teacher and fortunately she sees the funny side. She said the other kids just drew pictures of their mum at the beach or the park or whatnot. Bless him.
Oh Maree, I’m cackling but with a hand over my mouth and my eyes VERY WIDE. That is hilariously awful.
Crying laughing over here! So funny!
OMG That is amazing! Please keep that picture for the rest of time.
I have a very, very complicated relationship with Mother’s Day for various reasons, which leaves me very conflicted. For the most part, I actively choose not to celebrate or acknowledge the day. I do not want my family to do anything either, with the exception of requesting a card / drawing from my son. My husband, for his part at least, would like to acknowledge the day in some way but he respects my wishes not to even if he doesn’t fully understand it. I tend to get a lot of “Happy Mother’s Day!” messages from fellow moms on the day, but I typically just say ‘thanks – you too’ rather than explaining that I don’t do MD. I did, a few years ago, try the approach of planning things for myself (simple things) and it never worked out, or there were issues or disappointment of some sort. I eventually figured it’s not worth bothering anymore. Most of the time I would feel far better if that day could just disappear from the calendar entirely.
In addition, my husband’s birthday is almost always the same week / weekend as MD and my son’s is 2 weeks after that. I am usually up to my eyeballs with planning stuff for their birthdays, as if it is someone’s birthday, I prefer to focus attention on them anyway. In fact, this year hubby’s birthday was on MD itself, so it meant that I was focused on him for his birthday all day.
However, that being said (double standard approaching), I can fully appreciate how important it is to other people, and would indeed acknowledge & make a fuss of my mom or MIL if either were still alive. When my son is old enough to have a partner, and a potential MIL, I will ensure that I convey it to him (and show by taking actions myself) that while it may not be something that I personally choose to celebrate, it should be acknowledged & is important for his partner / MIL.
After I got over my disappointment at having to cancel seeing my mom because of another lockdown, I had a good day. It was cold and rainy but my husband and I went for a walk, the boys gave me cards, and all three made dinner on Saturday and Sunday, and cleaned up. All in all pretty good. My husband made a cake, which is my favourite.
Interesting to read this post & some of the comments. I have 4 kids who are now 29, 30, 31 & 39. When they were young I did NOT like MD — it was so overblown and my kids were typical kids (self-centred). I’d get the card they made at school and the rest of the day was the usual cooking, cleaning & breaking up fights. I raised them alone so there wasn’t a dad to pitch in. My daughter (oldest) often came up with very thoughtful gifts but as she became a busy mom…well things deteriorated. This year all 4 came through — 2 boys live 3000 miles away and had a cheese board made& mailed with a picture of one of my mom’s recipe cards (her handwriting) etched on it- it’s beautiful. It also meant they planned ahead! Next son is out of town & owns a window cleaning biz – he arranged with a local colleague to come clean our windows. Daughter came with her husband & 2 kids for a backyard visit (we are in lockdown) and brought me a beautiful hibiscus tree & lovely card. The 7 year old made me a word search (hilarious & sweet). So probably one of my best ever. Worth the wait lol
<3
Last year’s Mother’s Day sucked so I took a cue from your V-Day taking-charge plans, and I was proactive this year. A few days before I announced it was Mother’s Day WEEK, let the fawning commence. I variously said I was Not Going to Do certain things because it was Mother’s week and after several days of this, MD had been implanted into their brains. Our weekly menu, for example, had “Pizza and fawning” on it, just as a reminder to everyone. On the day of, I got some homemade cards (my 14 yo son’s card was a drawing of the dog showing us his penis, which is apparently traumatizing my boy), as well as various homemade gifts and a backrub. Much better than last year.
I love and am going to steal “pizza and fawning”.
When my boys were little all I wanted was for their dad to take them somewhere and let me have a day alone. I was often disappointed. My husband is of the “you’re not MY mother” mentality and I was often sad.
Now that they are grown(ish) (20, 22, 24, 26) I enjoying having the chance to spend some time with them. We had a brunch planned with my MIL and all of the family (we are all VAXED!!!) Then the boys and I went and hung out with my mom. The boys surprised me with an egg chair for my new screened-in porch – SO thoughtful!! Although, they had to show me a photo because it didn’t fit into any of their cars. My husband still needs to go pick it up from one of their houses. The 20 y/o is currently living about 4 hours away and came back to the area for the weekend so he could spend the day with all of the moms which was much appreciated. I was a little sad I didn’t get a chance to just sit and read but overall it was a nice day and I felt very loved and appreciated. (Highly recommend adult children for this.)
I love reading the variety of stories here, though it truly makes me sad to think of deserving Mom’s having a rough day.
My husband didn’t do much for my first Mother’s Day last year, though fresh Covid lockdowns made it hard. He really knocked it out of the park this year though. Our family (close and extended) has always focused on spending time together no matter the holiday, and I think that is what I’m going to drill into my kids as they get older. It’s important to spend time together and make the day nice for ___________.
So I got waffles made for breakfast (which I requested but he found the recipe and borrowed the waffle maker and did the dishes so it was a major win), and there was an orchid and cute kid craft card on the table in the morning. We did a family walk with my sister and her family and my parents, and it was just such a fun adventure. We all took a nap while the kids napped, then reconvened with the family to have take-out dinner on the deck which my Dad arranged. Then husband brought out the three cute welcome mats for each family that I had suggested might be an easy gift idea because we don’t emphasize gifts much. He had thrown me off the scent so it ended up being a surprise! I was so satisfied with the combo of thoughtfulness and intention with a few hints from me.
I had a lovely day. My husband planned beautiful meals and gave me a large vase, something I’d been needing because all my other ones are like bud vase size. I got flowers and candy and thoughtful small gifts from the kids, and spent most of the day reading. I talked to my mom and sister and got several texts from fellow moms. It was a really nice day.
About ten years ago, my husband’s “present” to me for Mother’s Day was to let me go to the grocery store alone without taking any kids. We’ve done some communicating and learning since then. ;)
This year I had mentioned I needed new rain boots bc my old ones cracked, and in New Orleans one must have rain boots. He also knows I like tea, and reading. At some point without my knowledge he sat each of our three sons down in front of ama-zon-dot-com and had one of them pick out acceptable rainboots (red! with roosters!), another of them pick out a decent nice teapot with integrated strainer, and a third pick out a book for me. They were all shipped ahead of time without my knowledge. Morning-of, spouse went to a nice pastry place (at my request) to get French pastries. (A funny aside – he showed up at 6:55 am, 5 minutes before they open, and said there was a line of 30 men clearly there for their wives, so he bailed on that place and went to a fancy donut place instead). He had the kids serve me pastries and coffee in bed, they each paraded in with their chosen gift and a handwritten card. Later, he made me a bloody mary. That night, he made burgers for dinner, and the only thing I had to do was remind him to get sides to go with.
So, ten years have shown a marked improvement. It was a great day – I’m glad yours was too!
I thought I had Mother’s Day figured out: I either buy gifts myself and get the family to give them to me, or I basically say “this is exactly what I want and this is where to get it; I tell people what I want to eat, and what activities I want to do; the kids have always tried to make me breakfast. This year it didn’t work out so well in the food department…
The kids had said they’d make pancakes for family breakfast. I warned them that I still had my regular Zoom euchre commitment from 10-11 so they’d have to either get up in time for us to be finished eating at 10:00, or they’d have to plan for a late breakfast to start at 11:00. At 9:30 I figured we were aiming for 11:00, so I pulled out stuff to make cornbread to tide people over. At 20 minutes to 10 my son dashed into the kitchen and started pulling out pans and pancake mix and I had to say TOO LATE, there’s no way we can cook and eat in 20 minutes. But I did point out that we were totally out of fruit so this gave my husband a chance to pick up fruit, including berries for the pancakes, while I was Zooming. Unfortunately during my Zoom I caught a snippet of the conversation in which my husband told my daughter flatly that he had no intention of going to the grocery store. I also heard him make himself a smoothing and tell the kids to start cooking at only 10:20, so by the time I hustled off my call (a few minutes early even), he’d consumed his smoothie and declared that was all the breakfast he wanted, and the kids had made and eaten their pancakes and left, leaving only a solitary pancake in the oven keeping warm for me, as well as all the mess they’d made in making the pancakes. I cut myself a mournful slice of warm cornbread only to discover I’d mixed up the baking soda and baking powder and it was inedible and the entire thing had to be thrown out. So there was no family breakfast: I made my own coffee and my daughter came back and sat with me while I ate my single pancake because she didn’t want me to eat alone.
I had also sent my daughter a link to a place that was advertising takeout boxes for high tea (mini sandwiches, scones and pastries, plus a rose, a teacup and bags of tea). She did not pass it on to my husband until a few days later when I asked her if she had. He didn’t call the business until Friday, when of course they were sold out. For some reason he thought a good substitute would be bringing home two entire boxes of pastries on Friday night. I’m on a diet. I had mentally budgeted to let myself indulge on Sunday, and was being “extra good” leading up to Sunday. Nope, I couldn’t stick to that without seeming ungrateful. And guess what? My husband is also on a diet and refused to eat any of it!
I did get to drop off a hanging flower basket to my mother since she physically needed our help summer-izing her porch that day (otherwise the lockdown would have meant I couldn’t go out there), and my husband did BBQ burgers that night, and I did get the gifts I’d picked plus my daughter made me a necklace, but still, given that we’re all home with nothing to distract us and I’ve personally made an even bigger effort for holidays as a result, and that the kids are getting older and more able to do special things independently, and that my husband has literally had 15 years to figure out this whole Mother’s Day thing, I was underwhelmed this year.
Omg, so next time we’re parked next to each other in the parking lot we’re planning how to bump off your husband? (Not really. But buddy needs a smack.)
Yeah, he has good intentions but was a bit oblivious this year.
Your husband needs a cluestick to the side of the head, and I’m here to give it to him.
I was raised by a woman who to this day thinks Mother’s Day is unnecessary but married into a family that used to gather and make a Big Deal of Motherhood in General. So, I have always set low expectations for the day. I asked for breakfast from the farmer’s market and Chinese takeout, from the place with the good fried rice AND dumplings from the other place. I even commented to my 13 year old that there was a book I might enjoy. She remembered and made my husband take her out to get it (on Saturday night, but it was there….)
Unfortunately, the day was interrupted by jamming up my knee and heading to Urgent Care for x-rays. But, upside, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong that resting it won’t take care of.
My MD went as expected. C did the bare minimum in the gift department which is fine since it lets me do the same for Father’s Day. It’s been candy, cards and a small gift for a few years now since I got tired of hearing how difficult I am to buy for. He gets cards for each kid to sign and then the gift is for all of them. We did our usual Sunday brunch. I got lunch for the kid who doesn’t eat brunch foods and was hungry for lunch. I also dealt with getting take out ordered and picked up.
The one thing I wish C would do for MD and my birthday is dealing with the kids and the food. My kids are teens so they don’t really need hands on wrangling. So that issue is behind us. But the food thing, No, I didn’t cook and clean up was super easy but *I’m* the one who took the time out of my day to get the kids to look at the online menu, tell me what they want and get it ordered and figure out when I needed to start that process. And I’m the one who picked it up.
The other thing that annoyed me was that C needed to work that weekend. So that was his excuse as to why he couldn’t do more *and* I got to comfort him and tell him it was fine so he would stop whining about “feeling bad” about MD.
Oh god, that is the WORST. It’s fine if you can’t meet my needs because life interferes, don’t make me COMFORT you!
Tis a bridge TOO FAR, sir. Too. Far.
ALL OF THIS
My gift to myself was telling my husband that addressing his depression needs to be a Family Priority starting now, because my love languages are kind words and quality time, aka feeling enjoyed, feeling like he delights in me. And his depression has made it impossible for him to enjoy anything, including me. He did nothing for mother’s day, not even acknowledging it, as happens every other year. So perhaps after this little blowup next year will be good.
My mother, mother-in-law, and I all exchange lovely cards and gifts. Which sort of makes me angry. In theory this holiday (like father’s day) is about appreciating those who serve us, and instead it’s turned into women comforting each other for being invisible.
“In theory this holiday is about appreciating those who serve us, and instead it’s turned into women comforting each other for being invisible.” This sentence has struck me HARD.
Last year was my first Mother’s Day and it was a bit of a disappointment (we had a 1 month old and my husband was the one who got a nap that day) so this year I laid out ahead of time that *I* would like to be the one who got a nap this year, and that led him to ask what I would like him to cook for dinner, and that led me to request donuts for breakfast, so the day ended up feeling a lot more special. I didn’t buy myself a gift (I get my own gifts for all holidays at this point) because my husband had made a big deal about how expensive it was getting the house deep cleaned before his parents’ visit and I was feeling guilty about spending money, but now I regret it and wish I had gotten myself a treat. Something to remember for next year.
Wait.. HE complained how expensive it was to get the house cleaned for HIS PARENTS visit? And thus no present for YOU?
NO MA’AM.
My Mother’s Day was awful. Absolutely abysmal. This year, as it does every few years, MD fell on my own mom’s birthday. This used to be a cause for Great Celebration, but since she died very suddenly 5 years ago (on May 4, usualy only 3 or 4 days before Mother’s Day) both her death anniversary and her birthday have fallen on Mother’s Day and it has destroyed me every time. My mom and I had that talk-every-day, read-each-other’s-mind kind of relationship. Her death is the greatest tragedy of my life.
My children didn’t acknowledge it was MD until after lunchtime. I had asked my husband to do the grocery shopping and make dinner, both of which he did without complaint. But my selfish, ungrateful children did NOTHING. My daughter made an Instagram post, but that CATEGORICALLY does not count. After I spent truly the ENTIRE day crying, my husband finally took them to CVS to get me a card at 7pm … and ALL OF THEM WERE HORRIFIED that I was not appeased!! I told them straight out that the cards didn’t count either.
It is my husband’s birthda today and I am making a MUCh bigger fuss than normal because these children need to be taught how to THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE and DEMONSTRATE SOME COMPASSION. I have told them they better knock next MD out of the park. This one was a complete loss.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope it gets easier to bear over time, though I’m sure you will never forget her love.
This year MD felt full of highs and lows. My 8-year old sons gave me beautiful (to me) handmade cards which they received no encouragement or assistance in creating. My sons were on good behavior all day which was definitely appreciated. My husband’s “gift” was to let me choose which restaurant to deliver lunch. I ordered a fancy salad and an extra salad for later in the week. Well, neither salad had their fancy dressings included and I couldn’t just ask a waiter since the meal was delivered. So that was annoying. My husband clearly ignored my comments weeks ago about how I’d love to receive Swedish dishtowels and Steeping Room teas for MD, had no gift. He proceeded to let me choose the dinner restaurant, but not offer to cook dinner himself! I was still a bit disappointed with lunch that I chose to make an easy and adequate meal for us–baked potatoes.
In the afternoon, we all went over to my parents’ house where my sister’s family was visiting. It was great to see her after 1.5 years apart, but frustrating because she wouldn’t put masks on her kids who were all over my masked kids. To complicate matters, my sister and her family are leaving the country this summer and I didn’t want to upset her at this point as I know it would if I had spoken up. I gave my Mom and MIL each a bookmark I crocheted with a book and card. I also arranged for my sons to give my Mom, sister, MIL, and me a short recital on cornet and cello. The only gift I received were shower bombs from my MIL which I’ve passed on to my sons who appreciate them much more than me.
Finally, this was the first MD without my beautiful french bulldog. She was my first little one, as we got her before having kids and she was my bestie, especially during the pandemic. We had to say goodbye to her in January and I miss her so, so much. My grief caused me a few moments of tears on MD, but I handled it much better than on Valentine’s Day when I was a true mess.
So overall, I had a good, but bittersweet MD. And I had to plan it all–except for the cards from my sons.
Well mine was interesting. My Mother died last June, so didn’t have a mother to celebrate for the first time. Never had children so not a mother, until the past year when we adopted an adult daughter. So I felt pretty good, until the Pastor did the whole stand up in church thing and then praised the woman with the most kids etc. Still feeling pretty good, but challenging because many people don’t accept the fact that I have a lovely adopted adult daughter as a real thing. That’s okay we love her. Then it turns out the gift she has for me went to her address instead of to me, but she will ship it to me eventually. But still it was better than many previous years!
Sympathy and hugs and side-eye to your Pastor from me.
This is going to be longer than I want it to. I love (and sympathize) seeing all the different ways MD shakes out for people and I’ve found your progression over the years fascinating. I feel the way I think a lot of moms do – I feel like I shouldn’t really care, but then sometimes I do care, which makes me feel dumb and angry if no one does anything, but then guilty etc. etc. Usually my daughter makes me a really great card (she’s 18 and a pretty good artist) and last year she didn’t and I told her (nicely) that made me sad and she felt really bad and made me one. This year I asked my husband to remind her that it was mother’s day and she made me a great card and went through the Starbucks drive-thru alone for the first time (just got her license recently) to get me a drink. We were going to do takeout with my parents but then my husband decided to cook and then we got in our biggest (only) fight since lockdown started last year because he was about to make a salad dressing with Dijon which I can’t even describe how much i hate and can’t eat and he thought I was calling him an idiot and I was like “well if not an idiot then an inconsiderate asshole, is that perferable?” but we talked it out and in the end dinner was really great. But next year I think I might go away by myself because all this shit is exhausting.
My feelings on MD are fraught. For a number of reasons I feel like MD unlocks all my inner turmoil of feeling like an inadequate mother. My husband has begun to step up to the plate after a number of years of not, but it still has an aftertaste of “I’m doing this for you because you think this is important but not because you deserve it.” And he gave me a mothering/parenting book. I. hate. parenting. books. And I have told him that on numerous occasions. Next year I will perhaps just plan things myself.
A parenting book on Mother’s Day?? Oh my-this is a whole new level of suckage. I’m so sorry!
Thank you! He is in many, many ways a great partner – actively involved as a parent, tries to take on at least some of the mental load – but we come from different cultures, living in his culture, and I think his default setting is my parenting instincts/decision-making skills aren’t as good as his.
Oh, I am so glad your family stepped up this year. And Paul figured out his role, more or less. This makes me so happy.
Mine went exactly as expected and planned. I enjoyed a quiet coffee by myself in the morning, wrote out a list of what the kids needed to get done for the day (they are 6 and 10, so they still need help and the list lives in my head, so.) I handed him the list, kissed everybody and went out for the entire day with my mom and sister – no kids. Mom sees a lot of her grandkids, and my sister and I have had plenty of quality time with our children (ages 3 to 9) this year! Luckily, we long ago began using Amazon wish lists for holiday suggestions, and he either remembered in time or paid for expedited shipping. I came home to happy kids with completed homework, etc and two books and a fancy soy sauce two thirds of which I had forgotten was on the list.
I just spent my lunch break reading through all these and thank you so much for sharing and I love you all very much!
I’m a single mom of a one-and-a-half year old who’s father resents me for having her (even if he thinks she’s cute), and I don’t really care about MD to begin with, so I just went on a hike with some friends (and one of their kids) to a waterfall and had a lovely day. However, in the morning my daughter actually dragged the full laundry basket to the bathroom, put the laundry in the machine, closed the door, and put the laundry basket back in the bedroom. She then came to get me from the kitchen to point at the laundry detergent. As if she knew it was the day to be helpful! This bodes well for the future :)
Surprising twists: my daughter’s paternal grandmother did send me a text to wish me a happy mother’s day (after resenting me on behalf of her son for more than a year, so….). And my dad scolded me for being the only one of four kids to forget to call my mom – but then when I did call her she agreed MD was never a big deal to her, they just thought it was weird they hadn’t heard from me because apparently I was always the first one to wish her a happy MD. Funny how *I* don’t remember that…