Okay, NEXT topic is that I know I SAID I was going to stop buying so many treats, and that SORT OF worked: when I was at the grocery store, I Didn’t Buy several things that caught my eye, and it was because I imagined my giant stash of treats at home. I didn’t buy snack cakes or cookies for the kids, because I imagined my giant stash of treats at home. But then I ordered two new kinds of fruit jellies to try, and each order involved MULTIPLE POUNDS of fruit jellies, so. A little forward, a little back.
Next topic! Life of a Doctor’s Wife and I want to talk more about the decision to bring the housecleaners back in a pandemic. She wrote:
Your post today mentioned that you are considering rehiring your housecleaners (hooray!), which I immediately latched onto… and I wonder if you might be open to talking about re-hiring the housecleaners? I am also in this same HAPPY (and privileged) boat, but feeling super awkward about calling her up and hoping she’s available and doesn’t hate me for ending our previous arrangement and hoping she will have the same day open and will be okay coming back at the same rate.
And also I want to talk to her about masks, because my daughter won’t be vaccinated until who knows when. So there’s THAT added layer of awkwardness. (Even though it’s perfectly reasonable, it still feels like I am accusing her of being GERMED.)
Like apparently any social interaction I enter into (and even though this is technically a business interaction), it feels so FRAUGHT with potential for awkwardness and hurt feelings.
I feel EVERY WORD of this. I will say all the things that made the situation MUCH EASIER in my own particular case:
1. The housecleaners have texted me several times to find out if we are interested in having them come back. This tells me that they DO WANT TO come back. (But if this HADN’T happened, I would have reassured myself by thinking that if they DIDN’T want to come back, it would be easy for them to say “Sorry, we are all booked up!” When I know it would be easy for someone to say no to me, it makes it easier for me to ask.)
2. Also, in one of those texts, the housecleaners told me that they had been vaccinated. This means I don’t have to ask. I DO NOT KNOW how I would have managed that. Direct, friendly interactions are not my forte. Probably I would have said, “Hello!! We have been vaccinated; if you’ve been vaccinated also, we’d love to have you back! <3”
3. Also, in one of those texts, the housecleaners volunteered the information that they were wearing masks while working. This was a year ago, so I don’t know if they’re STILL wearing masks, but at least it tells me that they WERE willing to take precautions / take the pandemic seriously. Since they are vaccinated, and since so far it seems very unlikely that a vaccinated person would transmit the virus, and since we will not be home while they are cleaning, I am not going to ask them to wear masks: if they wear them, great; if not, I won’t even know. (I am not sure if I should put a box of disposable masks on the counter. Is that a nice thing to provide, or does it seem passive-aggressive and Pointed? I can fret the other direction, too: they might LIKE to take one, but think they weren’t supposed to. I could write “Take One!” on the box, but now we are back to passive-aggressive/Pointed.)
4. I had been very uncertain about WHEN to stop paying the housecleaners not to clean our house, and FINALLY I sent a check with a note saying it was the last one—and, as it turned out, the housecleaners returned that envelope to me, unopened, along with the previous two checks, also unopened, in a holiday card that didn’t mention the checks and just wished us well in the new year, so they don’t even know I EVER decided to stop paying them, and THEY are the ones who decided I was making it weird and should stop. (But if this HADN’T happened, I would have reassured myself that if I were a housecleaner, and one of my clients paid me for over six months even though I wasn’t cleaning for them, I would not resent them for eventually stopping those payments—and in fact, like our housecleaners did, I think eventually I would feel like it was Weird and should Stop.)
5. It’s spring, so I can open the windows before, during, and after their visit, and I can take all the kids out of the house, even if we just go sit in the car in the park or something. In winter, I couldn’t figure out how we were going to handle this. By next winter, I have hope that our whole family will be vaccinated AND that the kids will be back in school and I will be back to work, so we won’t need to worry about finding a place to go.
If you are struggling with this same happy/privileged type of issue, I would love to hear what you’re thinking on the topic, and/or what your experience has been.
I have been thinking about this a lot and I am glad you are talking about it. I would desperately like ours back (I have very strong feelings of love towards them and I miss them desperately) but we can’t ever leave our house. We are always here doing school and work and I still think it would be too much of a hardship to be out of the house that often. We used to occasionally run into that problem before the pandemic (my husband would say “surprise! My early meetings have all been canceled and I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow” and I would be all “how does this always happen on the one day every two weeks that I need everyone out of the house?” So I think we are not there yet, with Monday through Friday work AND school always in my house. But I am watching for updates very eagerly on both your plans because I very much also want to do this.
This is where I am, too. We sent one kid back to school*, but one is still at home full-time as is my husband. I remember clearly when I had an early elementary schooler and a baby/toddler, and I actually ended our housekeeping services for several years because what had been a luxury had become a burden. I needed to be able to let the little one nap and the big one come home and unwind from school, and the hassle of being out of the house while they were here just wasn’t worth it. I look forward with glee to being able to have her come back and do a deep cleaning next fall once the kids are gone. (Husband has a detached office, so I can kick him out.)
Since I have done this before, I don’t really feel angst about it. I was honest with her when I needed to end services before, and she was happy when life changed again and I called her to come back. Next fall, I will call and she will put me on her schedule wherever she can. Or, she’ll tell me she’s booked solid, and I will ask if there’s someone she could recommend. We are friendly, but at its heart this is a business arrangement and neither of us get in a snit about it.
*Because someone is going to wonder why in the world we did this. I have a kindergartner who is doing so not well with everything right now that we are seeing a child mental health counselor. She told us what our kid really needed was to go back to school as soon as we safely could do so. (This is not all she said.) Her school has not had a single outbreak of Covid, 6 year olds are very low risk to contract it, there are only 5 kids in her classroom (distanced and wearing masks), our high risk family member is fully vaccinated and her Dad and I are halfway there. Weighing out physical health versus mental health risks, her mental health won. Meanwhile, the 5th grader is rocking remote school and if anything an end of year transition seemed harmful to her. She would be moved to a classroom of all face to face students, and that would probably be around 20 kids. Not to mention, she’s now on the borderline for being more likely to bring Covid home to us. So – one kid goes to school, one studies from home.
We are dealing with this too! In a couple of weeks, only one person in our home (age 13) will be unvaccinated, but that person deserves as much care as if we were all unvaccinated. BUT ALSO the people at higher risk HAVE been vaccinated. So I’m dithering a bit.
I think we’ll probably go ahead and have them come back in the summer, when the kids are out of school and it’s easy to be outdoors. If my son is still unvaxed by fall, I’ll run the risk budget again.
I have had “hire housecleaners” on my to-do list for literally three years so I have nothing productive to add there.
But! Fruit jellies I have plenty to say about and I would very much like to know what you have found to try.
This comment made me laugh!
SAME. Like literally same.
FRUIT JELLIES: I feel like I dropped the ball with recommendations because I had forgotten that Boston Fruit Slices were a thing until I went to Market Basket (New England grocery store) right before Easter and there were boxes and boxes of (store brand) Boston Fruit Slices right next to the (store brand) gummi bears that I vastly prefer over Haribo or whatever the FAMOUS gummi bears are. If you are buying literally pounds of Boston Fruit Slices to satisfy a fruit jelly craving I think you will be very happy, though I haven’t had the OG ones since I was wee and they were still Boston-adjacent based.
https://www.bostonfruitslice.com/
I just started our house cleaners back 2 weeks ago! We live in San Diego so I have kept them on, paying them to clean our outdoor spaces (garage, front and back patios, wipe down outdoor furniture, etc). It was a way to keep my weekly spot and it was actually quite nice! We used our outdoor spaces all winter this year.
So I just asked if they would like to come back and clean inside, and they said yes. My kids are back to school & my husband goes to the office sometimes so we can all clear out. I don’t know if they have been vaccinated but they have been wearing masks to clean at my house outside so I feel good about that. In my family of 5 we now have 3 vaccinated & 2 unvaccinated (ages 14 and 11). I am really hoping the 14 year old can get vaccinated by summer!
Be aware that their prices have definitely increased. Everything is noticeably more expensive now than last year. Maybe Swistle will get her old price back because of the kindness of 6 months of non-working salary. But there’s no way anyone else will.
We’ve had to have a few maintenance/contractor type people in during the height of the pandemic. When I made the appointment, I said “will your electrician wear a mask?” And everyone quickly said yes. I think it’s totally fine to continue to ask that question until you feel ok with unmasked people in the house.
So, we paid ours regularly at the start of the pandemic, and then had her come back, maybe early fallr? We live in an area with pretty low rates, and she had reached out to describe all of the precautions she takes (cleaning all surfaces, wearing a mask). I think the kids were back to hybrid school so we were able to arrange to have her come a day they weren’t home. My husband goes to the office when she comes as that’s an option for him. I work remotely right now, so she and I trade parts of the house – she does the downstairs while I work upstairs, and then we switch. We both wear masks (which is awkward during all of my Zoom meetings as I’m obviously home) and I open windows. Now that it’s warmer I open them wide. In the winter, I cracked them and had a blanket in my lap and she said it was okay because she moves the whole time. At first I would clorox wipe all door handles and light switches before the kids and husband were allowed back in the house, but I’ve backed off that, partially laziness, and partially reading about transmission.
I’m now also remembering that what made me feel most comfortable having her come back is there was an article in the summer (WaPo?) where they interviewed a bunch of prominent epidemiologist about what they personally did and didn’t do. And they all said no to a ton of things, but all said that their housecleaners were back and working around them even while they were home. That was comforting.
We had a similar situation. Our cleaner started coming back in the fall when the kids went hybrid, so she could come on a day they weren’t here. (In addition to germ concerns, it just wasn’t practical to have her come when we had 3 kids doing virtual school – it was too loud/distracting.) Now I’m generally the only one here since I work 100% from home, and I never see anyone, so I was totally willing to have the once-a-month cleaner be in my bubble. :) She just closes the door to my office and does the rest of the house. My office is Not Vacuumed but it’s otherwise great.
I like that data point about the epidemiologists having their cleaners back, that makes me feel good. And of course the recent news about surface transmission not being a thing makes me feel retroactively even better.
Oh, and I raised her rate by $20 just because it had been over a year and I thought it was time. I will likely do the same this fall.
Yes, same!
We had ours come back last summer when numbers here were pretty low. Spouse has some flexibility with work, so we would all just leave the house. Once school started, we asked her to come on the kids’ asynchronous day, and we would get out then. Once numbers came back up in November we stopped having them come again (but kept paying). We went away to an Airbnb for a few days over spring break and had them come in while we were away. I kind of want to have them back every other week now but may wait until summer break so it’s easier for us to be out of the house.
FRUIT JELLIES! I am now realizing you probably meant not-gummy gummy candy, but I initially thought you meant this sort of thing: https://www.ebay.com/itm/402787381066 (tiny, extremely fancy jello cups, basically, except that’s not saying how magical and delicious all the ones I’ve ever eaten are; I do not know any brands, though, and thus cannot recommend anything specifically), and also thought “no problem; college students can rip through pounds of those in a day or two” – but soft gummy candy maybe not so much. Anyway. I do think skipping impulse buys and continuing to make purchases that you *have* thought about and more-specifically want to buy is Progress and probably Substantial Progress, especially as you probably will dial down the snack-investigative aspect with time.
(but! Fruit jellies!!!)
I have always felt way too awkward to have a housecleaner. So no help on that, except that they may have a new rate due to cost of living increases, and you can mention, when you ask them about whether they are wearing masks, that you’d be very happy to provide disposables and if that would be helpful, where should you put that box for their convenience? I hope it goes really well!
I can’t speak to housecleaners specifically because my husband does all the cleaning (*she said in a bragging tone*), but over the last two months we have had a ridiculous number of handymen/painters/repair people in our home due to some renovations, and here is how I handled the mask issue: before we were vaccinated, I would open the door wearing a mask and if they were not wearing a mask I’d say, “Hi, we are not yet vaccinated, would you please wear a mask?” I got zero pushback on this and most of them were wearing masks already. Since we’ve been vaccinated, I open the door and say, “Hi, we have been vaccinated, but do you feel more comfortable if I wear a mask anyway?” Everyone so far has said they’ve also been vaccinated, so yay for that.
Note that if I HAD gotten pushback when asking a person to wear a mask, I would have said, “Okay then, sorry, I’ll have to hire someone else, have a good day.” I was not raised as a person who can speak so directly but I have learned to do so, even though it makes me queasy and I think about it for days afterward. :)
We’ve had our house keeper back for awhile. Wearing masks and trading parts of the house, but the grownups are vaccinated now so we have ditched masks.
One thing I keep in mind for these kind of decisions is that kids under 12, statisticly are the same as vaccinated adults. Same rates of infection, hospitalization, etc ((obviously excluding kids that are immune compromised). This knowledge keeps me wearing masks in most indoor situations despite being vaccinated, and has let me sign up the kids for baseball since vaccinated grownup shouldn’t need masks outside, except in crowds.
We had ours come back a couple of weeks ago after my mom, who lives with me, was fully vaccinated. My husband and I are half-vaccinated (but had Covid, so feel like the second shot is basically a formality) and so are the cleaners, and the kids aren’t vaccinated, but they’re in school when the house cleaners come. We assiduously stay out of their way (basically they clean one half of the house while my mom and I, who are the only people who are home are in the other half, and then we switch) and everyone is masked. Once they and we are fully vaccinated they can decide to wear or not wear masks, although we will still stay out of their way.
Leaving the house totally doesn’t work for me because my mom isn’t well, but that would probably be my plan otherwise. And if my kids are home for some reason (they both are in school full time except for breaks, quarantines, etc.), I don’t have them come (but pay them anyway).
My cleaner always brought her own mask and we talked about it frequently. I think most people in the business are used to respecting each family’s wishes.
This pandemic we’ve hired movers and contractors. When hiring someone, I’ve always made it up front when discussing the job that a mask was a must. Now I’m considering hiring a college-age babysitter for the summer that seems a bit trickier. I’m a bit more worried about bringing someone to the house, who is young and not worried about catching/spreading COVID and will be around my kids often. It feels strange to require someone be vaccinated before working with my kids. Being a two working-parent household with kids off of school for summer during a pandemic is tricky!
We brought our cleaners back a few months ago, and they have been wearing masks full time without us having to ask/mention it, just to add to the “I think it’s extremely common/expected, so asking them to do so will not be weird” experience. We manage the situation very similarly to ESL: if it’s not a nice enough day for me to bring my computer outside, they’ll start in the basement and then I move down there once they’re done. My sense is that house cleaners are eager to get their regular customers / income back, so I expect they are very open to accommodations like masks / other requests.
These comments are all so helpful! I am going to call my former housecleaner today to see if she can come back! Woo!
I am unhelpful because our cleaning person shut down her business for personal reasons about two weeks before everything here shut down so we’ve been without a house cleaner for over a year. I can’t seem to make myself research/interview/test out someone entirely new while we’re still in a pandemic especially since H and I still WFH full time and Youngest isn’t vaccinated and is still in virtual school except for 2 hours on M and T. My house is an absolute disaster. Have been trying to keep up with cleaning but I hate it and I hate being the person to nag others to do it. I guess it’s fine because we also haven’t had anyone else in our house except for the 4 of us since March 13, 2020. We’re going to need one heck of a deep clean before we have anyone else in here though and I don’t know how we’re going to accomplish that. I guess I’m just hoping some wonderful cleaner will just drop out of the sky? Sigh.
My Mom has already had our shared housecleaner back and gave her a $20 raise. She leaves the house when the cleaner is there.
I have not asked her back yet because my kids are on opposite Hybrid Learning schedules – one is gone in the morning and one in the afternoon. It’s a joy.
I am planning to ask the housecleaner back in June when both kids go to the same summer camp (with masks and temp checks) for the same 4 hours of the day. I cannot wait for June. I also plan to give her a $20 raise.
When we were able to have her again, I called my housecleaner and we had that “I didn’t know if you wanted me to come!” “We want you to come! We didn’t know if you wanted to come!” conversation. We paid her double for the first couple of times because she wasn’t getting hours at her other job. I did give her some masks because I get more of them at school than I can use, and it was awkward only because I said “could you use these? Wait, I’m not saying you have to wear them now, I mean, do you want them?” I don’t think there is a single conversation that I can’t make awkward.