Rob and William have had their first doses of the Covid-19 vaccine! Pfizer, if you are interested! (I find I am very interested, despite, as someone mentioned their nurse pointed out to them, never giving one moment’s thought to the maker of my flu shot.) They got them in the afternoon; that same evening/night, William had a little fever, a pretty bad headache, a pretty bad sore throat—but felt better by morning, and completely well by mid-day. Rob had no side effects.
On a completely unrelated topic, I am dealing with a bout of Possession Oppression. It crept up on me gradually, then in a rush, and I think part of the recent surge is because we’ve been talking about when we’re going to bring our housecleaners back, so I am seeing my house through their eyes.
Another part is that there has been this long pandemic time period when certain things were in short supply and other things needed to be stocked up on to reduce shopping trips, and we are still IN that time though it feels like it is lessening, but in the meantime there is a backlog, and also a bit of a problem of me failing to prevent myself from continuing to add to the problem. We WILL go through all the hand soap eventually, so this is not a matter of donating it or whatever, it’s more a matter of I need to stop buying more of it every time I see it even though it still falsely triggers a “HAND SOAP = PRECIOUS ITEM!!! PURCHASE!!!!!!!!” This may take time.
In this same category: my parents moved across the country, and they did not want to pack/move all of their cleaning supplies and laundry supplies and foil/baggies/wrap and so forth, and I WANTED those things and am GLAD to have those things and we WILL use them all eventually, but Right At This Moment they are a little oppressive in their multiple boxes of partially-used items when we already have a full supply of partially-used items as well as pandemic-level supplies of back-ups for those items. (I mention “partially-used” specifically to prevent the suggestion of donating these things to a local pantry. And anyway: we will use them! I consider them Riches! It’s just that RIGHT NOW and COMBINED WITH OTHER THINGS they are adding to the OVERALL feeling of oppression, and also to the feeling that our housecleaners are going to be side-eyeing the situation.)
Another element is that I’ve been feeling inclined toward certain Little Indulgences because of the pandemic. If I am at the grocery store and there is room in the cart, I am more likely to buy snack cakes for the children, or the weird new Oreo flavor. If I am shopping online, I am more likely to buy fun little things, too: a new conditioner! a new skin care product! a new nail polish! a pretty mug! some festive string lights! Combine this with the feeling of needing to Stock Up, and I am ending up with TOO MANY new conditioners, TOO MANY new skin care products, TOO MANY little pretty things and product samples and fun things to try.
And THIS leads a category of items I find very difficult to know what to do with, which is “Fun New Things I Tried and Didn’t Like, But Now They’re Partially-Used and Can’t Be Donated.” It’s the sort of thing where maybe I could ask friends if they wanted the things? But that feels a little wearying. And when I picture it reversed, and friends asking if others want their partially-used conditioners/lotions/etc., I don’t find myself thinking “Ooo! Yes! Fun!” Maybe if everyone brought their stuff and laid it all out and people could take what they wanted? But even that feels sort of…tiring…and also, we’re not yet getting together in person.
Another element is one I feel a little shy to talk about because it involves food/dieting. You may know that generally I follow a keto diet; now that I am maintaining my current weight, I take one day off from that a week, and on that day I eat EVERYTHING I WANT. This has led to something I consider a USEFUL DIET TOOL, which is that I never have to think “I can’t have that” but instead I think “I can have that on my next Day Off.” I will see something fun and anti-keto while shopping (new Pop-Tart flavor! weird appealing cereal! yummy-looking Spring Edition cookie!), and I don’t have to pine/suffer: I can buy it and put it aside and have it pretty soon. But partly due to the same pandemic shopping practices that lead to too many hand soaps and other necessities, and partly due to the same pandemic shopping practices that lead to too many conditioners and nail polishes and other indulgences, and partly that sometimes I want to try something that is only sold in a 2-pound pack, and partly that my Day Off eyes are much bigger than my Day Off stomach, I have ended up with embarrassing piles of candies and cookies and snack cakes. “Well, give the extras to the children!,” you might suggest, which is where I am forced to reveal that it has recently gone beyond that in scope. Like, it’s too much to give to the children. Clearly the main thing I need to do is stop buying SO MANY TREATS. And I WILL! I WILL! But also: what to do with a bunch of opened, partially-used treats that can’t be donated? Well. Part of this will be resolved naturally: I will stop buying so many; the levels will recede; the children will do their share; and soon perhaps I will be able to bring out the extras at get-togethers, or Paul and I will be able to leave things in the break rooms at work.
But last night it was all oppressing me so much it felt like I was on the edge of panic. Some of that was Night Sadness, and the only cure was to go to sleep; but then this morning I also tried to CHIP AWAY AT IT a little. This isn’t something where I can just go through and Fix It: there has to be the Buying Less element, and the Gradually Using It Up element, and so forth, and that will take time. But I’ve noticed that sometimes, even doing a relatively small amount of work, even an amount of work that might FEEL like it’s not worth doing because it would make AT BEST such a tiny insignificant dent, is enough to shift the line from TIME TO PANIC back to Okay, Okay, This Is Going To Be All Right.
Such was the case this morning. My OVERALL goal was “make even a small difference; don’t try to solve the whole problem right now.” Here were my more specific goals, all of which I accomplished:
• Go through the Treats Heap and see if anything is unopened and CAN be donated (sometimes I buy multiples of an item); put those in a bag for the donation bin at the grocery store. Move SOME treats to the Kids’ Treat Shelf; put some other treats aside to refill that shelf later. Throw away some treats. Sort the rest of the treats neatly into the mostly-unused cabinets in my little sunporch room, where it reduces the embarrassment I feel about the housecleaners seeing it, but also I can easily see what I have. Resolve to CONSULT THESE SUPPLIES before buying MORE.
• Glance into the bathroom medicine cabinet and throw out even just a few things: the beard oil I gave Paul for Christmas many years ago, which he didn’t like the idea of and never uses; the half-used sample of hand lotion I didn’t like the smell of; the once-used pot of a face treatment that maybe caused my weeks of itchy eyelids so I’m too nervous to try it again; a lipstick I never use. Gather up any unopened beauty samples I don’t want and put them in the gift drawer in case they’d work to put in with a care package sometime. Resolve to keep more on top of this in the future: it is worth it to toss just one item.
• Go through the bathroom-supplies cupboard and see if there are unopened things we don’t want, and put those in a bag for the donation bin at the grocery store.
• Take that conditioner I used twice but didn’t like and yet kept in my shower because it was more than I usually spend on a conditioner and I’d thought it was a treat and that I would love it, and put it into the kids’ shower where perhaps someone will use it.
• Commit to using up the six little sample bottles of shampoo/conditioner and three little sample bottles of body wash, because then they can be GONE OUT OF THE SHOWER and stop making it feel so cluttery.
THEN: I am going to TRY to avoid what is apparently a common United States Consumer Cycle, which is to buy too much, and then have the relief of DECLUTTERING and GETTING RID OF THINGS; but then the cupboards/closets feel so blissfully empty/available, and also we accidentally got rid of things we were actually using, so then we buy too much again. (Businesses LOVE this and encourage it: it is a very high-profit for them if we keep throwing away perfectly good things and then re-buying.) I will not expect to fully succeed (I am aiming for an ADJUSTMENT rather than a revolution), but I will attempt to bring some awareness back into my shopping, and I will try to think of it as a waste issue as well as a financial one. Fun purchases are fine!—but I will space them out a little more so that I appreciate them and don’t waste them. Treats for Days Off are great!—but I will space them out a little more so the supplies don’t get oppressive rather than delightful, and when possible I will buy them in smaller packages. Happy Fun Things Coming in the Mail is an utterly understandable desire during a pandemic!—but I will imagine where those things will have to be stored in the house, and make sure I want to do that; and I will try not to buy things just because they’re on sale or just for the satisfaction of having Things On Their Way. Getting rid of things is fine!—but I will try to make sure I’m not just alleviating panic by getting rid of things I will then re-buy. And I will continue to work, as ever, on not caring what the housecleaners think, since they likely couldn’t care less, though they would very likely appreciate a reduction in clutter even more than I would.
Do you have a local Buy Nothing FB group? (Try searching for “Buy Nothing Town Name.”) Ours is perfect for getting rid of partly used things! There is always SOMEONE who wants it, and you can just put it out on your porch for them to pick up. Also excellent for getting rid of outgrown toys etc.
We use Freecycle, but we’ve had a lot of trouble with people saying they’re going to come pick something up but then not showing up, and then emailing to say wait they’ll come tomorrow—and then they don’t show again, and so forth. But we do (attempt to) use it.
I use our local Buy Nothing Facebook group and get really irritated when people don’t come to pick stuff up. I saw one person recently say, “Please respond with a time today or tomorrow when you can come get it.” I don’t know if it would stop people from being so flaky, but maybe it would help them take a minute to really think about if they will actually come. I think it can also help to not choose the first person who responds because maybe they responded impulsively without really thinking through if they are going to make the effort to come pick up the thing.
I was just going to suggest Buy Nothing as well. I have gotten rid of many partially used consumables in my group. I’ve even seen people give away baked goods and restaurant leftovers they couldn’t finish.
In my area, Buy Nothing is, for some reason, way more effective than Freecycle, especially for little things. It has more of a community “we’re helping each other out” feeling, rather than a “here’s some free stuff” feeling. But I imagine the culture of these groups vary from place to place.
This was going to be my suggestion too. There are always items listed like you’re describing (e.g. shampoo only used a couple of times but wasn’t for my hair, bought a Costco bag of cookies but now have too many cookies, etc.) and someone always takes them. Some people regularly bake just to give away stuff on this group.
No-shows are reported to group admins who take them out of the group if the same names pop up multiple times. Our group lets you choose anyone who responds, for any reason, so it’s often easy to choose someone who really wants something or who can come within a certain timeframe.
I was just coming here to say that exact thing! I am constantly amazed at what people in my Buy Nothing group will take. Opened food! Partially used cosmetics! Toiletries you tried once and don’t like! Do not get me wrong, I am thrilled for this group, because I have been able to give away many things without feeling guilty, but I’m still wondering about the person who offered slices of leftover pizza from a birthday three days prior, and the person who took it.
I can relate to the backlog of pandemic foods and treat foods and all of that so much. Maybe the mindset I took can help you. We moved (local-ish: 40 miles away) in October, so in the 6 weeks or so leading up to the move, I made it my goal to spend as little as possible while shopping each week and to use up as much as possible from the pantry. And then I didn’t replace it once it was used up, for most things. I had the motivation of not wanting to move it. But it also made a fun game to figure out the best way to combine things. We had some interesting combos toward the end, for sure. But it let us start anew with a not-overwhelming pantry and I knew there was nothing old/expired/we hate eating lurking in there for me.
This reminds me that in the Before Times, when I worked in an office that was about 90% men, I could bring LITERALLY ANYTHING to the break room and it would be gone within hours. That was a pleasing way to declutter food, which is the main thing I overbuy. Well, now we all wfh indefinitely, so there goes that.
I also wonder if you’ve seen Nomadland, or read the book? This post reminds me of how the campers gather all of the things they no longer use/no longer have space for into a huge pile in the center of their campground, and everyone just takes whatever they want. Probably makes less sense in, you know, a SUBURB, but anyway…FREE APP IDEA!!
Yeah since I stopped working in a place that is full of men and/or grad students I’ve had a much harder time getting rid of things like leftover Halloween candy that I don’t like or cookies someone made for a swap that I won’t eat or half a container of crackers that I don’t like. Seriously, grad students will eat ANYTHING left out with a sign. Anything…
I have a friend who is in the hand-stenciled bags/t-shirts/hats biz, who once in a while will do a give-away of stuff that got slightly messed up or the original buyer never picked up or whatever, and she posts pix on FB and gives to the first taker (I always chip in for shipping them out even if I don’t want to get any of the goodies.) and I’m wondering if that might be something you’d feel like doing with this stuff?
No pressure if not.
I was going to suggest Buy Nothing, too. I’ve used both Freecycle and Buy Nothing, and have found the BN users to be much less flaky. Perhaps because they are neighbors?
Yes, yes, all of this. Especially the Little Indulgences. It has tipped over into Over Indulgences, possibly some time ago.
For me, at least, part of it may also be spring. I tend to feel the weight of clutter more heavily in the spring months. Right now, I am gearing up to do a big clothing overhaul. Do I really need to keep the business casual clothing I used in 2011, JUST IN CASE I decide to return to an office job? No, I do not. Too many clothes! And yet I also feel like I hate all my clothes (2011), so I have been ordering MORE which is the opposite of helping.
I wonder if you compost? For me, that helps with the guilt of throwing food out since it’s going to be turned into dirt rather than sit in a landfill. No guilt if not – my city picks up compost with the yard waste, and I understand it’s not that easy for everyone.
Echo-ing the Buy Nothing group suggestion. Ours is way less flaky than Freecycle and the monitors of the group weed out habitual No-Show-ers. I just throw stuff outside of my door and people pick it up. Our district has been very generous with the school meals giveaways and there are tons of people posting and trading the food that comes with that, in addition to regular snacks. There is also a lady who will come and get any food items (not partially eaten, but definitely partial packages) and take them to our teen homeless organization where they are devoured. I also see a lot of “bathroom sink/storage” clean-outs and people will pick up partially used face cream or conditioner or curly hair gel or whatever and give it a try. If you can find one, try it out!
Note 1: this doesn’t work for things on rolls like foil, but where you have two partly-used ziploc sandwich baggie boxes, you can usually just… take the baggies out of one of the boxes and add them to the other.
Note 2: this is why I loved living in the Cheapest Housing in grad school, because there was a table you could put anything, and it would go away. (we still have some super-vintage glass baubles from there on our Christmas tree – okay, not literally, the Christmas tree came down this weekend – but they were at least from the 1960s or so, and I wonder whether they’d been in this grad student housing complex for all this time, just rotating to a new owner when each set of grad students moved away, or whether someone had picked them up at a yard sale, or what…)(but also: 1/4 bottles of dish soap! 3/4 of a Costco-sized container of cumin! Baby clothes! Whatever! It would go away, and if it didn’t go away within a specific unit of time, then the community committee moved things to the dumpster) I do not know if a food bank or if a community center semi-near you might have this sort of thing; if they do, odds are decent it is on hold for the duration of the pandemic, though, sigh.
Note 3: Depending on weather, you might be able to put items out in shallow boxes or on a table and send out a neighborhood “Maybe you like the snacks/conditioner I don’t?” message, for an unattended yard sale thing. But I totally grant that this does not work as well when all the people right around you can afford and do afford to just buy whatever they want whenever they want it. But we knew people, when we moved away and did not want to throw things away but also did not want to move them with us, who were extremely enthusiastic to be getting the half-used-up bags of six different kinds of beans, or the half-full box of oat bran. OAT BRAN. So. Sometimes, and may it be so for you.
Okay, note 4: I keep all my “this is something that would delight someone else” odds and ends (facials I would likely be allergic to! Fancy socks that were a gift from someone who does not realize I do not fit normal-sized socks! Stationery/small housewares items that are not my jam but are really good for their type of thing!) in one place, and then “consult” the collection for present boxes. I strongly endorse this, although I usually don’t have perishable goods in there, so I am less certain how to manage, say, random individual packets of hot chocolate or similar (which I feel are present-box-able but less food-pantry-able, if not individually labeled with nutrition information or similar? But maybe food pantries would hand them out?). (also: every once in a while, I go through and thin things out if they have accumulated and I know I’ve been ignoring some items in there, saying “okay, so I didn’t want to chuck [item] directly at a thrift store because so-and-so gave it to me, but really, I do think it is just plain ugly instead of well-done for its style but not my thing, so: thrift store!” But this is fairly painless and quick once a year has passed since I was given [item].)
You got lots of useful advice, and isn’t it nice so many people made better decisions. On the other hand, I am laughing and shouting “OMG, that is all so true, especially the way it snuck up me over the last 12 months”. So it was so funny, so true and so well written.
We have had no visitors for probably a year and a half, and our house *looks like it* 100% and also we have a larger-than-normal population of dust bunnies and one sofa has a perpetual pile of clean laundry on it.
We do have more on hand of most bathroom/laundry/etc. things that we normally use, but basically all of that fits in the previously-allocated bathroom/laundry/etc. space. (I say “basically” because our laundry room is a mixed laundry/gardening/tool chaos zone at present. But the bathroom things fit.)
That said, we definitely have a Stuff Invasion, but most of our Stuff Invasion is either new useful items that do not have a home yet [where does a back brace go when it is not being worn? knife sharpener? ], or books, or random gifts from people, or craft items. Which also do not have a home yet. And which are everywhere. (everywhere) And which I have been feeling more weird about for the last month or so because: everywhere.
(but we do not have toiletry samples or new conditioners – I am allergic to everything under the sun and thus do not buy that sort of things – and do not have opened but unfinished snacks, because again, food intolerances mean significantly less snacky trying things)(but oh dear so much stuff. Except so much of the stuff is wanted stuff. But it still is too much stuff?)
I just decluttered our main bathroom last night. Took every.single.thing. out of it onto a table in the hall and told everyone to put back anything they actually want/use. The rest went in the donation box (if unopened) or trash!
My first thought was “gosh the office breakroom used to the be the absolute best for this” and I do miss that. As others said, I could take literally anything there and it would disappear.
For the treats, are any of them individually wrapped (snack cakes and such)? I wonder if you could use some of the Ziplocs, put an assortment of treats, and leave them for the mail carrier(s) and delivery persons, and any other service persons? My mom used to send treats to the animal shelter a LOT, you may see if they are accepting things for volunteers? I am not sure how available these options are just yet, but maybe soon they will be.
Can we have a tour of your sunporch? You have mentioned it before and it sounds immensely appealing.
I too am feeling oppressed by stuff, because we just moved (just = two weeks ago) and not everything has a new home yet. I KNOW, I know from experience that it takes months to really settle in, which is both encouraging and disheartening. I did get rid of some things during packing (expired medications, outgrown kids clothes, books no one is going to read, etc), but there is nothing like packing and moving and unpacking to familiarize yourself with the sheer volume of your possessions.
I second the tour of your sunroom! Please! PLEASE! We just bought the house we’ve rented for the past 6ish years and now that I can finally *do things* to the space, I am planning on making a personal happy place in the sort of awkward porch-turned-room-but-it-doesn’t-have-a-foundation-or-any-insulation. So I would love inspiration on making it peak coziness.
(if you live in a climate where that space is not pleasant to be in due to having no insulation: first, add insulation [okay: first figure out if you want any more outlets in the space and have them added if applicable. But: insulation before sealing and making things pretty]. Second, have a go at disallowing bugs from entry (caulk, flooring, etc.). *Then* go to town on your absolute favorite kind of coziness. :-) )
(if you have cold winters, I’d also endorse a heat-rug – floor heating is just *so* incredibly nice, but if one is doing mostly desk-y things, a small heated rug can do so much for making your little column of workspace comfy without making it as dry as the Sahara, and also it has less of the “too hot; now too cold; now too hot” flip/flop that many space heaters do.)
Then figure out what makes you the most comfortable. Some people like lots of small things and throw cushions and blankets and small rugs and occasional furniture with ceramics or bits of art on it; others like Clear Space; others like Big Statement Pieces; others don’t really care as long as there are plants. I do not know which kind you are. So maybe look at a bunch of rooms online or in furniture catalogues or whatever, pick out a dozen or more that you like, and see if you can get at what things about them are provoking what response in you, and which aspects of that can be borrowed for your New Nook.
Also I strongly endorse including some “invisible” storage space for the things you need/want there but that you don’t really like looking at, and figuring out a good cord/charger solution to integrate with your furniture. Also look at the space and its light for your intended purposes: will the afternoon sun make your screen completely unusable if your desk is there? is that lovely reading nook going to only have enough light to read by at 8am in the mornings? does the place you want to put plants get enough light for the plants? do you need lamps, shades, or both lamps and shades?
(But also! Yes! We would love to see Swistle’s Sunroom!)
I just wanted to thank you for “night sadness”- Yes, that is exactly what happens to me sometimes. I know just what you mean and that the only cure is going to bed. Sometimes my brain gets lost in an “Am i depressed? anxious? have ADD? PMS? etc etc. ” spiral and then I remember- oh yeah, I can just go to sleep! See if I feel better in the morning. (I am not saying these other things are not real, nor am I saying the cure for them is sleep- just that my brain can both overthink & also be pretty dumb at the same time.)
Also ditto the other commenter about not having anyone over for over a year. I have definitely noticed a slide in general housekeeping/ clutter kind of stuff. ugh.
I have the opposite of night sadness — I have anxiety mornings. Every single day I have to go through a list of worries when I wake up and try to resolve them.
When I was new to the Curly Girl method, I ended up with a surplus of conditioner that I just didn’t care for. I found out that conditioner is a FANTASTIC shaving cream! So that might be a good use for any conditioner you have laying around that you know you won’t use … unless you also have a surplus of shaving cream, lol.
Yes! One time I wanted to shave my legs and had run out of shaving cream, and I thought, didn’t I see on pinterest or somewhere that you can use conditioner? So I tried it and it works SO WELL. I only ever use cheap conditioner now, it leaves my legs so soft.
I have recently tried the “snowball approach” (borrowed from eliminating debt strategies) to decluttering…. Use up the sample sizes forest, throw the packaging away. Then use up the closest to empty shampoo, then the next closest, etc…. At one point I had at least 4 different containers of dish soap, now down to 1. The feeling of throwing away the containers gives the mental boost to keep going.
Oh man, I’m so here for this topic. I just took a trunk load to Goodwill. Outgrown clothes, age inappropriate toys I snuck out, extra tupperware… I don’t know what all. I have three ideas for the items you listed, which aren’t going to Goodwill obviously.
1. You might ask around for anyone who makes care packages for the homeless. I am responsible for our food pantry donations at church, but sometimes I get an opened package. The food pantry can’t take it, but if the items inside are individually wrapped I can use them when I make compassion bags for the homeless. When I buy, I’m obviously trying to buy nourishing food and essential items. It makes me so happy to be able to put treats in there, too.
2. My husband helped me with the disliked products. He pointed out the money was already spent and leaving it in the cabinet instead of trashing it doesn’t get the money back. Just toss them and be done with it.
3. My housekeeper has her own business and is a single mom, who hires other women in similar positions. When she does a turnover of our rental, I always leave out any left behind items and tell them to take anything they want before I donate or trash it. I could see doing that with products, letting her know they didn’t work for me and that she should take anything she wants. I don’t know how it would feel if we didn’t have a long-standing relationship, though. It feels like offering them to a friend or neighbor as it is. We do the same sort of thing with our yard guy, who often takes stuff from our garage our yard for his family. Again, if we hadn’t been interacting for years, it might feel insulting, but “hey, do you have a use for this?” is totally appropriate within the relationship we have.
As I was reading your post I kept thinking that you need to join your neighborhood Buy Nothing group and then I saw you received that suggestion several times, but I will reiterate it. I’ve tried Freecycle and Buy Nothing and had no luck with Freecycle but my Buy Nothing group is great. I think it’s because it’s limited to a very small area (just a few neighborhoods) so many of us actually know each other at least tangentially in real life (our kids go to the same preschool or swim on a team together or whatever). I have been shocked by the things that people post and pick up, but I guess you never know what is useful to someone else. The type of things you’re talking about (half-used boxes of snack items, opened lotions or shampoos or cleaning products, etc.) always get snapped up right away in my group.
However, I can’t promise that Buy Nothing will help the possession oppression. I find that for every one item I give away I end up obtaining two new things from the group that I see posted and suddenly realize I must have.
We’re moving in a few months and, honestly, I think the Buy Nothing group is one of the top five things I’ll miss about my current home. But reading these comments encourages me because it seems like maybe Buy Nothing people are just good people in general and not just in my neighborhood.
I found you via Nicole’s blog and your kind comment on my comment. Hi!
You got me laughing with your line: “Fun New Things I Tried and Didn’t Like, But Now They’re Partially-Used and Can’t Be Donated.” I find myself in that predicament, too. I’m too frugal to throw them out, but cannot figure out where to put them so that I can live a less cluttered life. It’s a conundrum that I thought only I could create for myself. So happy to know I’m not alone.
If anyone has youngish children (I’m not sure what the age range of appeal is here. Starts around 2 and ends???maybe never, probably depends on kid) conditioner can be turned into playdough and anything soapy can be put in a stand mixer with a little water and whipped into a foam that’s fun to play with. I don’t have any ideas for lotion, unfortunately.
My 7yo daughter really likes having her own small lotions, but that may be because I am a heavy lotion-user. She does get dry hands, though, probably from the extended hand washing sessions and then failing to rinse fully. But then needing to dry individually between each finger with the towel while I stand and wait… I’m sorry, did I fall into a tangent?
The most shocking part of this whole blog post was realizing that Paul apparently has a beard and somehow that changes everything for me???
Oh how funny! YES. He is a bearded gentleman!
Yes, that also took me by surprise! So then I was like “Wait, who was I picturing when I thought about Paul?”, and I realized I was picturing my Uncle Paul, because apparently all Pauls look alike. But I was picturing my uncle as he was when I was little, when he was approximately Swistle-husband age, rather than the older man he is today. Brains are wild.