After my first pregnancy, there were certain things I did in each subsequent pregnancy. For example, shortly after getting a positive pregnancy test, I would give the toilets and the floor around the toilets a thorough, thorough cleaning. It wasn’t pessimism: I wasn’t saying I WOULD FOR SURE soon be barfing at a whiff of Paul’s towel or a taste of raisin. I was just saying that the LAST time taught me that if I WERE to be throwing up for the next couple of months, it was nice to start with a shining clean toilet lingeringly scented with bleach, rather than the alternative; and it was nice not to have to have the toilet-cleaning chore on my list when I was exhausted and queasy. And if this pregnancy were different, if I never threw up, if I floated through without wishing an anvil would fall on my head to stop the constant, constant nausea? Well, then, no one ever thought, “Boy, I wish the toilet were grubbier.”
It is less than a week until the U.S. presidential election, and I remember last time. So there are certain things I’m doing this time. After a week of flopping despondency (I’d thought I’d get ahead on Christmas shopping, but it turned out no), I’m feeling a surge of restless energy, so I’m using some of it to get caught up on and/or ahead on cleaning. Maybe in a week or two I’ll have plenty of mood available for merrily cleaning the shower, humming an optimistic little tune. But if not. If not, then I won’t mind that the shower has already been cleaned and I don’t have to do it for awhile. And if it’s the humming-merrily version of reality, I’m not going to think, “Darn it, I wish I hadn’t cleaned the shower! I want to do it NOW!”
I am going to go grocery shopping and I’m going to get two cartloads. Not just to stock up in case of the armed and violent protests threatened by our current president’s supporters if he is not re-elected, but also because in the reality where things go a different way and I don’t have to worry about armed and violent protests, I am not going to feel like weeping my way through the grocery store, holding my breath as I change my damp mask every few aisles.
Last time, the day after the election (this year we likely won’t know so soon), Paul and I ate nothing all day. We didn’t talk, except the talking we had to do with the kids, and to make sure we didn’t duplicate the donations we were making to various organizations. At bedtime we each drank two shots of vodka and went to bed, hoping we’d be able to sleep. After the grocery store, I will stop at the liquor store.
I plan to spend Election Night sipping and cleaning. People in my house are going to have the TV on, and I have to live through those hours either way, so I am going to use my naturally-generated adrenaline, and I am going to use the anesthetic available to me for home use, and I am going to clean. Or maybe I will not: maybe I will use the anesthetic available to me and then sit numbly in a chair. It’s hard to predict feelings. But the plan is to tipsy-houseclean. When company is coming and we clean the whole house and then the company cancels, we don’t say, “Well for heaven’s sake, I sure wish I hadn’t done all that CLEANING, then!” It’s nice to have been able to use the motivation, even if the motivation turned out to be false. I’m going to change the sheets: it’s nice to have clean sheets, whether or not you might soon be spending a week in bed.
I know there’s a lot of alcohol in this post, and that’s not an available option for everyone, so let’s talk about a few alternatives. In times when I have considered alcohol not among my options and/or not worth it, I have self-anesthesized by alternating a few bites of savory with a few bites of sweet: See’s chocolates, then Pringles, then Little Debbie cakes, then cheddar-cracker Combos, then Cadbury bar, then kettle corn, and so on. Eat slowly, and just a little of each thing, or else you’ll get too full too fast, and it mostly works WHILE you’re eating, so you want to draw out that effect as long as possible. If you are not as much into snacking, I find a Big Sustaining Meal Including Carbohydrates serves well: spaghetti and garlic bread, or chili and cornbread, or chicken and sauce over rice, that kind of thing; and follow it with chocolate chip cookies, or cake, and a glass of milk. (There is some risk of associating this meal with election night, which is why it’s not one of the things I’m leaning on.) Another thing that works pretty well for me is reading very exciting books—horror or thrillers. I relied on those to get through a very bad break-up long ago; they were the only thing that could distract me. Another thing I’d recommend is re-watching a favorite comforting or riveting TV series, and only allowing a five minutes news check-in for each episode watched. I would think you could mix-and-match either food option with either book/TV option, for a moderately successful combination. (And with any of those no-alcohol food/book/TV combinations, I would end the evening with a sleeping pill, which is one of the advantages of not drinking. If I decide against tipsy housecleaning, I will go for snacks-and-horror-novel-and-sleeping-pill.) I have a prescription for actual tranquilizers, but I have found that while those are good for reducing adrenaline and racing/relentless thoughts, they leave me feeling sad and listless, which is sometimes better than the alternative but in this situation I think not. If it is available to you, I have heard good things about pot, though you should consult with someone who knows the differences among the types: we want a sense of universal perspective and detachment on election night, not potential paranoia. (Also, the children tell me no one calls it “pot” anymore, and that I sound like a mom. I mean, yes?) And I have heard good things about meditation and yoga, but I trust you know you can look elsewhere if you want those kinds of ideas suggested to you.
Having a good friend with whom to text is crucial as a distraction/support mechanism for me. Specifically, someone who will have similar reactions as I will to whatever transpires and who will not deepen my despair or will share a sense of victory, depending on how things go. Also someone who is just funny and enjoyable to text in general. (You know who you are!)
So what IS it called now?
Signed,
Not a Mom But of Mom-ish Age
I DIDN’T DARE ASK!
“Weed,” in the Pacific Northwest, anyway.
Weed on the East Coast as well!
Yes Oldest just told me they call it weed. I always figured at least as long as I’m not calling it grass I’m ahead of the previous generation?
We in the government sector refer to it as “cannabis.” Which is legal where I live (N CA).
Yes! Literally me, what are we calling it now?
Clearly I need to stay with it.
My mom always called it pot, but I am 39 and have called it weed since I was at an age to have any knowledge of it. My oldest is 11 so I don’t think any of kids would have a better word for it…at least I hope not, but it’s illegal where we live so there’s that.
I will be working at City Hall, counting absentee ballots. I couldn’t imagine staying home, watching tv and waiting.
I am here for this. In 2008, 2012, and 2016 I went to a pizza place I don’t go to often and got take out pizza. I bought vodka if things went bad and champagne if things went good. It was fun in 2008 and 2012. Last time I didn’t have the energy to drink the vodka and crawled into bed took some unisom and prayed it was a nightmare. So I don’t know what to do this time. I kind of want to go to a movie (so I can avoid this he coverage) but there are very few options and I am fearful that it won’t be decided Tuesday night any way.
It is weird getting so close to the election. For 4 years I’ve hoped that we could win. But now I’m realizing if we don’t we have another 4 years and I think I may have to give up on that hope—I depend a lot on that hope.
And it is so easy to see how it could go bad again. Florida stays red, PA doesn’t flip, and all of a sudden we are dependent on Arizona and Omaha and Maine.
“I have heard good things about pot.”
Swistle, I love you.
I have loaded up my Kindle with fluffy books, am going to plan a delicious dinner (maybe even takeout), and might take a sleeping pill at 6pm. I took PTO for the next day, and I’m planning to take the dog to doggy daycare and might start my Christmas shopping or might go on a long solo drive, or might just sleep all day.
For me the other problem to contend with is that it is entirely possible we will NOT have the results next Tuesday. That there may not be an “end” for quite some time while absentee ballots are counted last, recounts, etc, means that the agony is just going to be prolonged after an already Very Long four years.
This is actually quite likely, I understand, if the states are allowed (allowed!@!) to count ALL the mail-in ballots.
unfortunately now, not in Wisconsin thanks to a tilted SCOTUS
The last line made me LOL and love you again. We can do this, thanks to your solid preparatory advice.
I am hoping to just go and vote, possibly at 6am when the polls open, and then forget about it for the next 3 days if necessary. There is nothing more I can do beyond that.
Last time I remember driving past the house near me that for some reason has 2 sheep (in the middle of a neighborhood, 2 big wooly sheep) and the day after the 2016 election was the first time I had ever seen them lying down. I drove past them every day taking the kids to school, but they were never lying down. This seemed fitting to me. I haven’t seen them in a while, so I don’t know if they still have them, but ALSO I haven’t been driving anywhere daily so there’s that.
I don’t drink and weed typically makes me anxious so I always regret it despite being legal here (Seattle). so I’ve been using video games as a coping mechanism through the pandemic. The LEGO video games are my favorite – smashing legos Is satisfying – there are a million of them that all work basically the same and are inexpensive for a ton of playing time and they are usually pretty straightforward and forgiving about mechanics. I get pretty bad SAD so I’ve been also upping light box, walks outside, massive doses of Vitamin D, a Vitamin B12 vape pen, and considering upping my Zoloft prescription which has honestly been the most helpful thing since I started taking it in Feb.
The thing that I am most grateful for is that, due to These Strange Times and our weird modified school schedule, my school does not hold classes on Wednesdays and teachers get to stay home. The day after election day in 2016, I remember driving to school exhausted, hung over, and nauseated, overwhelmed with this sick sense of dread and horror as I listened to the stunned takes on NPR. And then I had to teach high schoolers all day and act normal, and some of those high schoolers were bounding cheerfully into class going “he WON! he WON!” As were some of my colleagues. It SUCKED so so much, and I am so happy that this year I can just opt out of life on Wednesday if I need to. OR I can bound cheerfully around my house and say “they WON! they WON!” to my husband and baby and dog. I am very much hoping I get to do the latter.
I believe that we will not know the answer on Tuesday 11/03/2020, and may not know for a week or more. I’ve set up a movie list and where the movies are available, and when things get to be too much, I’ll lose myself in cinematic drama to escape real life drama. I don’t plan on watching the news. I will take a yoga class or three. I do plan on being kind to everyone, because everyone has heightened feelings right now. I will restock our beer fridge this weekend.
Setting up a movie list is a GREAT idea. Normally I read (and Swistle’s idea of horror/thrillers would be exactly my jam) but this year my concentration has been shot. Thrillers on film! Yes.
Rage baking is my thing. I am planning decadent chocolate bundt cake with homemade ganache but I cannot promise there will not also be elaborate dipped cookies or filled cupcakes as well. Pot of chili, maybe? Lots of chopping and simmering required there. I wish I could rage clean. I was loom knitting hats and scarves for the last two months but that has lost its allure. The drinking sounds good. 2016 was too depressing to even open the wine. Out on the west coast, we knew pretty early in the night that the only answer was crawling in bed. I am more hopeful this time around.
I feel like sculpting things out of clay would maybe be good. Tactile, fidget-able, and if you end up with something you like, you can make it “permanent” and otherwise you can smoosh it up which has its own satisfaction/relief. (looks on grocery website for clay, yay, clay!)(realizes next grocery order will be after election night, never mind…)
So! I’ll be doing needle-felting, I guess. Stabbing things over and over again sounds good?
(if I had what’s needed to frenetically clean, though, I’d go for that.)
My son wanted to know why I was making tubs of cookie dough blobs and then sticking them in the freezer and I did not say “Because I may be self-medicating with food and I may not have the will to do it next week.”
Am also planning to fill the freezer with homemade pie crust and scone mix and mac & cheese, and the fridge with fruits and veggies that are both nutritious and self-indulgent (papaya! guacamole!).
The website I buy cheap wine from recently sent an email saying that all the stuff we’d ordered but asked them to hold so it didn’t ship in the hot weather is now headed our way, to which I say: Thank you.
I am also going to schedule my mammogram and colonoscopy, because why not.
I still cannot drink tequila or eat carnitas, which was my meal in 2016. I am debating planning a menu and beverages that I don’t much care for, because then I’ll either have good memories and perhaps like it more, or I’ll just hate it forever and no big loss.
I had such anticipation last time. Suit jackets! Pearls! Madame President Nail Polish! Mexican food! This time I have such a case of the blahs.
Question for those with kids in the age range that they are aware of Trump’s awfulness and aware of the election, but don’t have devices or awareness to track it on their own (say ages 6-11?). Will you have your kids watch or check in on results that night? Or just send to bed? I don’t know what to do with them. In 2016 we were all excited and tuned in for the historic election, but now I feel like I’ll be white knuckling it.
I’ve been thinking about this. The new season of the Mandalorian comes out on Friday (both my kids are big fans). I think I’m going to plan on trying to stick to our usual routine for a weekday night, but we’ll plan to watch a couple of episodes after dinner. My nerves and anxiety can’t handle what we usually do on election night, which is to turn on the TV around 5 PM (we’re in California) as polls are closing on the East Coast. It’s too much, and I think many of the states will be too close to call. My plan is to tell them we won’t know the results that night (which seems correct). If things seem to be trending strongly toward Biden, from what I can read online, maybe I’ll let them know before bedtime. Once they are in bed, I’m sure my husband and I will be watching results with wine and our kids’ Halloween candy buckets. I’ve also considered asking another family over for a distanced backyard dinner, just to have some company and to give us all a distraction for a few hours.
I have a ten year old with a propensity for anxiety and a hugely empathic personality. She (and the 5 year old who is happily oblivious) will be going to bed. I will tell her what happened in the morning after taking the time to compose myself, if needed.
I would just tell them that we probably won’t know until all the mail-in ballots and provisional ballots have been counted, and that it could take several days, and therefore they should just go to bed. If they ask you to let them know if something actually happens on Tuesday night, say yes.
My son is in the dorms at NYU, so I don’t have that worry this time.
I dashed here after the first paragraph (I will go back and read the rest of the post and comments after) because I have many barfing tips as someone who barfed all the friggin’ time from migraines growing up, and who has birthed two barfy children: DO NOT BARF IN THE TOILET if you can help it. No one feeling sick needs to breathe in funky odours while hunched uncomfortably on a cold bathroom floor, risking toilet water splashing on their face when they disgorge forcefully. We have a few small buckets so that when someone is laid low, they can stay comfortably in bed or on the couch and have 2 in rotation: one to keep at their side for grabbing to barf in while the number two is being dealt with, i.e. contents dumped, the bucket rinsed and dumped out again, then a quick spritz with a pleasant-scented cleanser and wiped with a paper towel and left to dry beside the sink. We keep grapefruit Method and a roll of paper towels in our bathrooms for this purpose.
Also, if there is prolonged barfing happening and no merciful angel to empty your bucket and supply you with a fresh clean one, I learned in university to keep an orange on hand and put a few thumbnail-sized pieces of the peel in the bucket right off the bat. That way, the predominant smell lingering around is oranges and not barf. They have to be small though, or they shouldn’t be flushed, and no one wants to pick big clumps of anything out of barf prior to dumping it down a toilet.
You are brilliant. We have always used a specific bowl for the kids, but not for us, fortunately, I am an almost never barfer. The only tip I can add is lining the bottom of the bowl/bucket with paper towel, stops the splashies.
This is brilliant.
I use a 13 gallon trash can with the trash bag in it. The top of the trash can is close to bed/couch height. I feel a little guilty about the number of trash bags used but so easy on clean up.
We also use the bucket method, easy to clean up and you don’t have the “will I make it?” worry when it comes upon a person unexpectedly. May I mention I love the tangents the comments take??
We are breaking quarantine and having a couple we’ve only spent outdoor time with come over for dinner and communal white-knuckling, because all 4 of us are worried someone may jump off a roof if we don’t have enough moral support available.
Okay, I’m back after having read the rest of the entry and the comments so far, but I have far less advice for the American election. I don’t generally stay glued to results in Canadian elections as they get reported because the swings back and forth can be nerve wracking, and my hearing the results coming in in real time won’t in any way influence the final outcome. Time will march on whether I’m listening or not, and I’ll be able to have the full picture the next day (though I understand that likely won’t be the case in the US this year) and can watch or read clips of any highlights then as well. I’m pretty invested in this US election as the way things have been going south of the border for the last few years has undermined my faith in humanity in general, but I’m not anticipating tuning in much.
I don’t really drink or take drugs of any sort, even though pot is legal here in Canada. While I do eat sugar when I’m anxious or angry, that doesn’t seem like it would provide solace for very long.
Maybe if we were in the US the way I’d handle it if others in the house wanted to watch election results unfold is ignoring it while doing housework or working on a project I’ve been putting off, perhaps while listening to an audiobook or podcasts through headphones? Maybe I’d spend some time doing online Christmas shopping, or research how to leave the US if that man wins again? An old boyfriend of mine has lived in California for a few years and I just can’t figure out why the heck he and his family have stayed there through all of this!
I too will try and save The Mandalorian for Tuesday night. I’m not sure we can binge as last season they released one episode/week?
My partner will be in quarantine in our basement (travel) which makes things worse except for the fact it gives me an excuse to close our business on 11/4 (usually open 7 days/week).
I have a hike planned with like-minded friends (we will be masked) and 11/4 is when advent calendars start at my Aldi. I hope to pick up as many alcohol-based advent calendars as possible.
Oh, good point about them releasing one episode a week! Thanks for pointing that out! Maybe what we’ll do is watch the last one or two episodes from last season and then the new one!
That is a great idea, it will get you in the mood for the new one! My husband watched the new episode last night, I told him I couldn’t do that-have to be able to binge my favorite shows. ALTHOUGH, I am watching the new season of The Great British Baking Show as they come out one a time. This is a show I would recommend to anyone who might need comfort in the next few weeks. If you’ve never watched it I would definitely start from the first season. It’s a competition with the nicest competitors ever-they actually help each other when someone gets in a bind, and are sad when people get eliminated. It actually goes a long way in restoring my faith in humanity!
I love these suggestions. Preparation is key. I’ll be doing some shopping soon.
I am doing mental preparation. I find it comforting to remember that the federal government is a big thing, but it’s not the ONLY thing. So, I am mentally making note of all the ways that we can and do take care of each other, and what we can do to make sure our local and state governments pick up slack where the federal government fails us.
Look, I am not saying that I will definitely be completely incapable of finding any good in the world anytime soon. But, in case I do find myself in that state of mind I would like to have evidence to the contrary at the ready, and a list of places to donate my time and money so that as soon as I feel motivated to take action I am ready to do so. And, even if I never find myself in that frame of mind, time spent giving myself positive reassurance that the world is a good place and remembering who the helpers are is never time wasted.
I really wish I had the tipsy-cleaning gene. That’s an excellent pairing, I think.
I have assessed our stock of liquor and need to get more gin. I have purchased more Halloween candy than strictly necessary. And I have planned soothing, leftover-heavy meals of pasta and soup for the days leading up to the election. Also, I am ascribing to your distraction idea: a soothing comedy series, I’m thinking. With periodic (but not too frequent) check-ins on the proceedings.
In 2016 we had favorite relatives visiting and my aunt bought balloons (!!!). I don’t remember what we ate so at least nothing got ruined.
I may take Swistle’s advice and bake, maybe chocolate cake with frosting bc I can’t see that being anything but good win or lose.
As for kids, mine are 10/13/16 and so so dialed in there is no way of doing anything but having the TV on. My 16 yo made calls for Biden and if things go badly I am actually a bit worried how she will take it.
I am trying to compartmentalize and detach my feelings as much as humanly possible. Thinking about Christmas presents and my winter garden (I’m in San Diego) and European soccer which is popular in our house.
Oh, I feel for your 16 year old! In college, I was heavily involved in voter registration leading up to the 2004 elections (Bush v Kerry), and really believed, in my innocence of how things work, that Kerry would win. It was a huge letdown. Good thing your daughter has you, an observant parent, at her side!
I have plenty of vanilla rum and root beer, and snacks and chocolate, and brownie mix. I may have brownies and popcorn for dinner Tuesday night; who can say?
Today I am telling myself that this time next week, while we may not know the end result yet, we will know more than we do now, and that’s something. It sure feels like that’s far away right now.
This is similar to how I used to plan when my husband would go on a week long business trip, leaving me with our two small children. I would make sure to have a book I looked forward to reading, and maybe a show for after bedtime. A fiddly project to distract my hands (I like embroidery). Easy, crowd pleasing meals. Some wine on hand. Going outside every day, absolutely no matter what.
I don’t have an irresistible book right now, but I’ve been having trouble focusing on reading, anyway. For shows, hubby and I just got into Schitt’s Creek (ew, David!) and I have been watching Selling Sunset (the best kind of bad reality tv). We don’t have TV/cable, and though I usually have NPR on all day in the kitchen, maybe not on Tuesday.
My last grocery shopping day is Friday. I think I need to add proteins, wine, and baking supplies to my list.
Thanks for the reminder that my last grocery day before the election is Friday! I like the idea of comfort food like pasta. I’ll probably bake bread and a dessert too. In 2016 I went to my best friend’s (who I’ll be Facetiming or texting with this year) and we had pizza and beer. Months after the election, every time I went to her house, I had bad memories of that night which is so sad because I love her home!
I wouldn’t recommend weed until we know an outcome. Even the happier versions can only do so much heavy lifting.
I just can’t believe after all this (gestures to everything) that it’s close. That does make me lose hope a bit.
This is the most helpful and validating thing that I have read on the internet in WEEKS.
Suggest Would I Lie To You on YouTube, if you don’t know it already. A bunch of pleasant British comedians giving each other lots of grief and giggling a lot.
This is one of my favourite clips:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFf7qdZfHvw
Basically there are two teams. One person reads out a card, which may be a story from their real actual life or may be something they’ve only just read now. They then have to tell the story. The other team quizzes them on it and has to decide if it’s true or a lie. If they guess correctly, they get a point, if they get it wrong, the team with that person gets the point.
There is a METRIC BOATLOAD of it on YouTube, and it’s lots of fun. If there are any particular British comedians you like, you can also search for “Would I Lie To You (name)” as many have been on there.
Another I love is 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, which is an occasionally very rude (not suitable for kids unless they’re old enough that you and they are OK with dirty jokes), very funny, version of the actual Countdown show. Lots of that on YouTube too. Lots of the same people as the above.
Examples include someone paying for a meal with a Nissan Micra, someone accidentally buying a horse, someone being part of an underground ping-pong tournament, someone having kissed someone else on their team that night, it’s all very ridiculous and fun.
We’ve been talking about what to do Election night because it seems simultaneously impossible to watch the results come in and also impossible not to. Noah wants to watch the Colbert special, but it’s TV-MA which is fine for him, but maybe not his younger sibling.
One thing we’re clear on is we won’t have a dinner anyone loves because last time we had tacos and I haven’t eaten them since, though I’ll make them on North’s birthday (and eat something else myself).
I have absolutely no clue as to what I’ll be doing on Election Night, except sit and hope for a landslide. GOD I HOPE WE HAVE A LANDSLIDE. But I’m not counting on it. We’ll either have comfort food or order in a pizza.
A couple of years ago we bought new everyday dishes. Initially I was going to take our old everyday dishes to Goodwill or similar, but then I thought WAIT, there are times when I am so angry that the urge to smash something is nearly overwhelming (*cough November 2015 cough*), I think I’ll save those dishes. As a result, I have 12 everyday plates in my garage that I intend to throw hard at the ground if things go badly on 11/3 (or the week following). It won’t change anything but at least I’ll be able to destroy something and not feel even a little bit bad about it.