It turns out I am VERY MOTIVATED by putting check-marks on a chart. Elizabeth made herself a summer checklist chart for June/July/August, and she made me a copy before she filled in her chosen tasks, and I have filled in SO MANY CHECK-MARKS this summer! Even for exercise, because I keep thinking that then I can check it off! …And yesterday was September 1st, and I didn’t have a chart to make check-marks in (we failed to make FURTHER copies of her chart to use in the future, because we were thinking only of summer), and I have lost my motivation almost entirely. I need a new chart.
I finally cut my hair. I was doing my boring blog project on posts from November 2010, and found this post where I was in the exact same situation: it was pleasing to be able to put my hair into such a nice bun, but it was too long for a ponytail and too long to wear in a messy French twist, and it was dragging me down and giving me headaches, and so I cut it, and it was reasonably successful and I was happy with it. All right then, I thought to myself; I don’t know how I did it before, but presumably I can do it again. And so I did, and I could:
(Notice my poor phone case, which was so cute before it was repeatedly cleaned with disinfecting wipes.)
Please forgive the self-conscious selfie. I was NEVER able to take a good picture of myself, but I completely lost the ability after reading two things: one, that everyone has a Particular Expression they do over and over and over again in their selfies (either always tilting their face to a particular side, or always squinching their mouth ironically, or whatever); and two, that when you see someone’s selfie, you see how they look at themselves in the mirror. Now I try so hard to counteract those two things, I end up with nothing I like. Of course I want a chin-minimizing angle, of course I do, but I can’t accomplish it without “tilting my chin down and looking up at the viewer through my lashes,” which I can never do again. And I always Do My Lips That Way, apparently.
Also, I have no Before picture: I seized on a moment of motivation right after getting out of the shower, and did not think of pictures. I see I did the exact same thing back in 2010. Well. Before I cut it, my hair was about halfway down my back, and it was frankly glorious (I have thick hair that does nice waves), but it was also long enough that I had to divide it in half and pull it in front of my shoulders to brush out the tangles, and it made me feel tired and oppressed me when it was wet and I had to deal with it, and the length didn’t flatter my face, and I hate wearing it down so it was always in a bun, and it was heavy enough to give me a faint headache. Now it is much, much better, though also frankly less glorious.
When it dried (it’s still wet in the photo), it floofed out into something a little more triangular than my stylist usually does, so now I have to decide what to do about that. I could leave it: it doesn’t look bad at all, it’s just different. Or I could attempt layers: recently I watched some videos and then cut some layers into Elizabeth’s hair and they turned out well (it’s basically just like doing a classic boy haircut where you pull the hair perpendicular to the head and then cut perpendicular to the floor; the only difference is you’re doing it much further away from the head); I just don’t know if I could do that at the back of my head. Still, I did cut it in a straight line at the back of my own head, so there is some hope!
In the meantime, I have joined Elizabeth in a Fun Hair Project. She was researching what to do about her “frizzy hair” (it doesn’t look particularly frizzy to me), and she found that whole part of the internet that is like “I thought my hair was frizzy and not-shiny but actually it was SECRETLY VERY CURLY!!!” and so she spent some time trying various things with rhyming names like “scrunch the crunch” and “squish the condish” and so forth. After a few oily-looking failures, she has determined that her hair is NOT secretly curly, and now she is in an adjacent part of the internet that is more like “The Top Ten Differences Between Handling WAVY vs. CURLY Hair!” and “How to Bring Out Your Beachy Waves!” It is super fun. I absolutely remember this stage of being a teenager. The main difference is that I was using magazines instead of the internet. Teen! Seventeen! Sassy! Also Cosmopolitan, which gave me a very skewed view of what my 20s were going to be like. It made a lot more sense later on when I read somewhere that teen magazines pretend to be aimed at teenagers but are actually aimed at pre-teens, and Cosmo pretends to be aimed at 20-something women but is actually aimed at high-schoolers. (Similarly, I felt some relief when I learned that Playgirl pretends to be aimed at straight women but is actually aimed at gay men. I had acquired a copy in high school, and was alarmed to find it extremely unappealing.)
Anyway, now that my hair is short enough that I can tolerate wearing it down, Elizabeth is instructing me on how to Accentuate the Waviness. This morning I tried what she has been trying, which is to comb my hair in the shower while it still had conditioner in it; then, after the shower, wrap it in a Turbie Twist for awhile (mine are all solid-color; I think I am going to order that flower-print one for my Christmas stocking); then, after getting dressed, take the hair out of the towel, arrange it as little as possible (like, you can approximate your preferred parting, and you can move that big piece out of your eyes, but otherwise don’t brush it or finger-comb it or anything), and leave it alone to completely air-dry. Do not touch it! Elizabeth says this is the most important part. She says there are pictures people have taken, showing the difference between The Side They Touched and The Side They Didn’t Touch, and the side they touched “is, like, VOOM” (here she made puffy/fluffy/frizzy motions with her hands). Once it dries, I am supposed to use the Turbie Twist to “scrunch the crunch”: i.e., lightly squeeze large sections of hair. BUT I MUST WAIT UNTIL IT’S DRY.
The next stage of experimentation, according to Elizabeth, involves mousse; I didn’t try that today because (1) I wanted to go through the stages the same way she was, and (2) I asked her how the mousse was supposed to be put in if we were touching our hair as little as possible, and she said “I have no idea.” So I’ll let her figure that out, and then she can tell me. This is a fun enough project to me that I did Target Drive-Up again yesterday just to get the mousse sooner than if I’d had it shipped. I also got cat food, cat litter, and bags of coffee, because those all had coupon deals (buy three bags of coffee, get them for $5.99 each instead of $8.49 ((and they had the Fall Blend Starbucks!)) ((it tastes no different to me than regular Starbucks but I always joyfully buy it anyway; same with the Thanksgiving Blend and the Christmas Blend)); buy $25 or more of cat food/litter get a $5 coupon; and 10% off Iams, which could be stacked with the other deal) that I couldn’t get if I got them shipped, so that was pleasing: I saved like $16. And THANK YOU to all of you who said what you do is add the things to your online cart for in-store pick-up, and then go into the app and switch them all to Drive-Up: that made a HUGE difference to the shopping experience. I only had to use the app long enough for it to crash three times instead of dozens! It was marvelous.
“Also Cosmopolitan, which gave me a very skewed view of what my 20s were going to be like.”
Thank you for today’s laugh.
Through pure dumb luck, I got a haircut the Monday before we all went into lockdown, so I am just living with my pandemic hair, but I have now cut the hair of all the people who live here year-round, and my haircuts definitely produce shorter hair.
::waits for applause::
::continues to wait::
::applause::
Thank you!
Have you and Elisabeth heard of “the plop”? It might be what you two are already doing with the Turbie Twist, but it is a big thing on Tiktok. (Yes, I am middle aged and on tiktok and I love it. I’m honestly learning so much. And that is said without any sarcasm). But the plop it is piling your hair gently on top of your head and wrapping it in a t-shirt to dry. I see incredible before and afters.
Ooh the Curly girl method is so fun and also you can go wrong at any step!! I also have wavy-ish hair and still haven’t found a perfect method that I favor. You can do a mini plop (with a t-shirt like Rachel says above) and then put in your mousse and then plop again and then you scrunch out the crunch when it’s dry (to get rid of the crunshiness of the mousse). The next step will be getting a diffuser for your hair dryer so that you can have even more va-va-voom.
My husband always kept his hair short, basically barely longer than a buzz cut, for all of his adolescence. Then one day he decided to grow it out. Lo and behold, he has beautiful curly hair! He never knew! His parents keep their hair short as well. His hair is super coarse and can be very frizzy, but he now knows how to style it. My son has curls too although his hair is much finer and softer. We’ll see what it looks like when he’s older. Hair is so much fun, I can see why hair stylists can be so passionate about their art.
We had this same experience with my 13 yo boy! We always kept his hair pretty short, but it turns out his pandemic hair is *awesome*! It’s very wavy and has led to him having a whole new style! Which he calls “spicy” (kills me).
I too have been experimenting with my hair (which falls somewhere between wavy and curly except on the right side of my face where it is stubbornly straight) and the DON’T TOUCH rule has been the most important in my experimentations. When I apply things like mousse or curling cream, I do it in the shower after I rinse out the conditioner, and comb it in then. Then I don’t touch it. I feel like if you are in the shower, it’s okay.
Your haircut is VERY cute.
Ohhhh you are going to get a million curly-hair comments. I’ve been trying to embrace my naturally curly/wavy (depending on which part of my head is in question) hair for about 10 years now and as far as I can tell, EVERY HAIR IS DIFFERENT. Yes, every person’s hair is different, but I also think like every hair on my head responds to things differently than the others on my own head.
Just be ready for lots of trial and error.
Also, I HAVE to touch my hair (add mousse and use the diffused hair drier on my roots) or it is a flat, frizzy mess. How can it be flat and frizzy at the same time? HOW?
My goodness this post was just full of delights! The haircut! Playgirl! Details on hair styling that I also personally struggle with and am now looking forward to one day having a t(w)een in my house to teach me about!
I feel you so much on the longer hair: mine is not exactly glorious, but it is fine/ok and doesn’t tend to get split ends, but OH MY GOODNESS “oppressed” is exactly the word for how I felt about it after a while in lockdown. LET ME LIVE, HAIR!! I wasn’t brave enough to chop mine myself though, so I did venture (masked) to a salon (that also requires full mask compliance). (It’s so odd that we all feel the need to qualify every outing outside the house this way now! But here we are!)
I am POSITIVE I am not treating my hair right, but I have absolutely none patience for figuring it out, so half frizzy/half flat is the name of the game until my 4 yr old takes an interest, I guess.
Your hair color is really nice👌🏻 I loved reading this one. I’m a total boy mom (3) but love reading about moms and daughters 💕
I got a pixie cut in January 2016 and I’ve been growing it out ever since with the plan to donate it to a cancer charity. It’s now REALLY long, like two inches above my coccyx, by far the longest hair I’ve ever had in my life. I had decided to grow out my grey hair when I had the pixie cut and I cut all my bleached blonde off to do so. But then when it came down to it I panicked when the grey was so much and I just chucked a home box dye over it. In November 2019 I finally decided to be brave and ACTUALLY grow my grey hair out. It’s been ten months and I have a stripe of grey and then the dark brown box dyed hair – and it’s not massively attractive, to be honest. I don’t want to grow out a pixie again and so I am now looking at just growing it for another whole year, camouflaging the grey with up-dos and scarves and headbands and then cutting all the brown off at once when it gets to a short bob length and being like – voila! I’m grey now! But – I’m finally getting to the point, I promise – it is now at the stage where I can only brush it by dividing it into two and pulling it round to the front, like you mention. I have to brush it a lot before every shower and it knots like crazy and it’s so, so draining. How do people live with long hair?? I don’t know HOW I’m going to live with all of it – PLUS the extra six inches that it will grow – for another fourteen months. I’m trying to think of just what an amazing long length I’ll be able to donate but truly I am tired just thinking about dealing with it. I’m just ranting in your comments here, aren’t I? I’m sorry. Hair is difficult!
A couple of days ago I read a tweet (Nicole Cliffe maybe?) who talked about a Sharon Stone DIY haircut where you put it in a high ponytail and cut it straight and then end up with layers. I am SO curious to try this, and I think I have enough hair that if it totally bombs, I can just still trim it to fix. Although it will likely take me a couple weeks to get up the courage. (I have zero idea if this works with wavy or curly hair.)
I always enjoy your hair posts. I feel like hair is supposed to get less important as women get older and I find that annoying.
I am very curious about this because I afraid to cut my own hair but it’s getting too long! I’m going to look that up now. :)
I went back and found the tweet. I need before and after pictures though to reassure me! https://twitter.com/nicole_cliffe/status/1299425183241875456?s=21
I do this! It works well for me (thick, slightly wavy hair that just wants to hang down without any style). Lots of videos online explaining it. Would recommend.
I have used this method. Technically, I used the “unicorn ponytail” method where you make a ponytail at your forehead. If you search YouTube for DIY hair cutting you will find it easily.
I found for my (very thick) hair, it made great layers but somehow I always take more off the front than I want. It gave me courage to try other things. Currently I cut from two pulled-to-the-front side ponytails and then point-cut for a bit more layering.
I should disclose that I really don’t worry about my looks and saw a stylist maaaybe once a year for the past 10 years. But I love the feeling of freshly-cut hair.
I can’t see what’s wrong with one’s selfie having a Basic Expression or resembling how one looks at oneself in the mirror. These seem like things that would consistently give the most flattering selfies, no? Why rebel against that norm, instead of perfecting the best Basic Expression in the mirror? Actors try to consistently show their good side for a reason.
I do know one woman though that I had to unfollow on Facebook because she’d clearly heard that photos from above minimized double chin and emphasized eyes, but took it to such an extreme that she looked like a Christina Ricci caricature in every photo – HUGE forehead and eyes (you could see the whites along the bottom of her irises because she was taking the pic from a sharp angle above her face) tapering quickly into a tiny, distant pointed chin. It was kind of disturbing to look at.
I really love the “secretly curly hair” sagas. A friend of mine (an actual friend, who I totally believe) said her mother forcibly brushed her curls into a frizzy mess every day until about 7th grade, and when she started doing her own hair, discovered PERFECT AND ADORABLE CURLS. But I also personally know someone who legitimately did NOT have curly hair until puberty and then it somehow became so tightly curled it was like an unmoving mass of hair. So interesting!! My daughter and I both have stick-straight, baby fine hair, no hiding curls or waves here, so I’ll be interested to see what hair related journeys she takes later in life.
Your hair looks great!
My first pregnancy changed my hair permanently. I used to have very fine, perfectly straight hair. I had been keeping it very long and then around 3 or 4 months postpartum I got it chopped to chin length. The hairdresser asked if I wanted her to blow out my waves to straighten them. I was confused because I had never had even the tiniest bit of wave. I still haven’t really adjusted to being wavy-haired person. 13 years later, my hair just looks messy to me.
I have Secretly Wavy hair, which was accentuated by menopause. Mine is fine but there’s lots of it. Layers help a lot, but the real key for me was GEL AND LOTS OF IT. Like, my hair is just a bit longer than yours, and I use about a 1/4 cup on it. Sometimes I use mousse too.
To deal with the hair-touching thing, I take a tablespoon or so, rub it between my palms, and then “glaze” it over the hair by holding my palms nearly touching on either side and kind of skimming them down a section of the hair. I’m not putting any stress on the hair or the curls, just touching it as delicately as possible. I then take my gel-covered hand and kind of cup the curls upwards to my scalp, like my hand is a diffuser. After everything is good and gelled, I diffuse it for real. Sometimes I stop when my hair is about half-dry and repeat that glazing-cupping sequence but with a little mousse instead of gel.
At the end of it, I have very crunchy ramen-noodle curls, which look like crap for an hour or so. Once my hair is 100% thoroughly dry, I scrunch out the crunch, and great waves appear!
Swavy Curly Courtney and Wavy Curly Ali on YouTube were a big help to me in figuring out my hair.
Thank you for these links. I am fully down the wavy hair rabbit hole now. Ordered a fancy diffuser on a whim.
Good luck with the hair experiments! I just accidentally typed “goo luck” which also applies here. As you can see from the comments so far, different things work for everyone, so I will just tell you what is working for me right now: Aussie Instant Freeze Gel. My hair is wavy and fine, and there is a lot of it. I do notice that the greys are more curly, so that will be interesting down the road… Rediscovering my waves has been one of my Pandemic Projects. And let me tell you, I will write something I have ALREADY DONE on my to do list just so I can cross it off.
You did a great job cutting your hair, and I love your glasses frames! I also love that the posts are nearly a decade apart — fun to see the photos side by side. Your hair has darkened quite a bit, hasn’t it?
I have found thinning shears to be very forgiving if you’re looking to shape it so it tapers more (rather than the triangle) — one just kind of hacks away at random from, say, ear level down. I have also successfully done the various YouTube layered hair tutorial tips with the various ponytail positioning.
I love these frames so much. They are my favorite of all time. I need new glasses after the pandemic, and I am going to see if they can put the new lenses into the same frames, even though I didn’t buy the frames from them.
The hair is odd: it looks DARK BROWN here, and it is more like light-to-medium brown. Part of it is the lighting/camera: the pictures came out oddly-colored, and I couldn’t fix it (my complexion also looks funny, and my eyes look dark when they’re more medium). Part of it is that my hair was wet. Part of it is that my hair does seem to get ever-darker with time. And part of it is that I used to lighten my hair: I notice in the old post that I mention I can use one box of hair color instead of two, so I must have been lightening it at the time! Seeing the old pictures, I’m tempted to go back to lightening it again!
About 1.5 yrs ago I decided to tackle my frizz. My BFF, who has very beautiful curly hair, convinced me to try CGM and embrace my wavy hair. It’s been… a journey. I spent a ridiculous amount of money trying to find THE magic potion that would banish the frizz forever. I got sucked into FB/IG groups that ranged from militant and super judgy, to supportive and encouraging. There was SO much information and SO many opinions! It was absolutely overwhelming. It took me about a year to find what’s best for me is a version of CGM, not super strict and not perfect. My hair is better, but not amazing. I found reasonably priced products that worked reasonably well and learned to be satisfied with that. I left FB and all the CGM groups and am doing my own thing. Good luck to you and Elizabeth!
The curly hair journey is addictive! So many videos! So many product recommendations! I actually have very curly hair that I had flat-ironed for years, and now after a year of modified Curly Girl method, I have my curls back. But this is after much patience, much frustration, much trial-and-error with products, and learning how to style. I can now style in very few minutes but it took awhile to learn what worked for me. After washing and conditioning in the shower (including lots of combing to get out the knots), I brush with a Denman brush after putting in leave-in condition, then rewet with my head over the tub, put in gel and then do the turbie twist/no touching thing. But I just could not deal with all styling in the shower and then forever hold your peace. My hair is not so much like hers but I’ve learned the most from this website: https://holisticenchilada.com
Same for me! I flat-ironed my hair for so long that it wouldn’t curl any more. Then I took a deep dive into CGM during the quarantine and my curls are already so much better! Thanks for posting that website. My problem now is that my gray hair wants to go off in crazy directions while the rest of it curls.
I love everything about this post and the comments.
EVERYTHING.
My hair is long enough to be in my face, and not long enough for a ponytail and it. is. driving. me. crazy. My headphones (for the continual Google Meet and Skype calls) help a bit. I have asthma, so will NOT be getting a haircut until I can get a vaccine, and everytime my husband compliments my hair I snap his nose off. It’s also curly at the neck and ears and straight everywhere else. I’m going to need to experiment.
Meanwhile, my son has glorious curls, like an 18-year-old male Shirley Temple with dark brown hair, if you can picture that.
Well, as someone with a curls – I will tell you and Elizabeth this – when I was young I did NOT have curls. I had wavy-ish/frizzy hair. The older I’ve gotten the curlier it gets. So, basically, once you figure out how to deal with the hair you have; it may change and then you have to figure it out again. Curly or wavy – the more you can keep from touching it the better. When you are going to use product put it in while the hair is completely wet. From there it’s your choice, turbie twist, plop, air dry or diffuse. Usually, I find that air dry works best for me – but then I can do that now because I’m not going to the office; otherwise I’d give it a quick shot with the diffuser.
My last haircut was in December and I distinctly remember telling my stylist, “Oh, the length is fine! Can we just add a few layers?” Famous last words.
I’m mostly liking the “look” of longer hair but the living with longer hair….it’s an adjustment.
Great job on your hair cut! I have considered it – and figure if I botch it, who would notice with the curls? But then I chicken out.
I am here for the curl talk! As someone else pointed out, your have to factor your hair texture/length in, so what works for one doesn’t for another. I have super fine very curly hair and need a lot of weight to combat the frizz – I use a leave in conditioner (but don’t use a rinse out conditioner) and then gel, cream and oil. I try not to touch as it’s drying (which doesn’t usually happen) but will give it a spritz or two of water. It took lots of trial and error (and a graveyard of hair care products) but most of the time pretty happy with the results. People assume curly hair is low maintenance but I can assure you it’s not. Also, never use a brush (I don’t even own one) only a wide tooth comb when hair is wet. Good luck with your curl journey.
I have tried many different “your frizzy hair is secretly curly!” methods for my fine, frizzy, shoulder length hair and I swear, they never ever work. Every time I get seduced into trying again and failing I swear it won’t happen again! Part of what seduces me is that letting my hair be more “natural” should be easier right?? But the secret curl methods seem just as time consuming as the blow out methods!!
I have a whole system to get perfect beachy waves that I can do in about 30 min & it lasts a few days…But it involves heat tools!!
I’d love to hear your system!
Your hair looks so good! I’m so impressed at your cutting ability.
Sassy was my absolutely favourite magazine and I WISH I had saved some of my old ones.
Oh, this post brought me back to the days when I found the CurlTalk forum on the Naturally Curly.com website — it was so fun, trying all the new products and learning so much about my curly hair!
It’s fine to touch your hair while you put your product in (mousse, gel, etc) but you don’t want to touch it any more after it’s got product in and is drying. It’s really trial and error — some people air dry their hair all the way, some dry with a diffuser. You’ll figure out what works for you. I actually had a spreadsheet in the beginning, with the products and techniques I used and the results I got. I’m happy to say I don’t do that anymore, ha!
I have a question unrelated to hair — what other tasks did you have on your checklist for the summer? I’m impressed no matter what, as I am feeling wholly unmotivated in general.
Here were the things I hoped to do each day (though I was okay with missing a day here and there):
1. Blog post and/or work on boring blog project
2. Extra cleaning chore
3. Read at least 30 minutes
4. Exercise
5. Write a letter or an email (social) (this one in particular didn’t have to be every single day)
For awhile I had the chore divided into one pleasant chore (such as baking muffins) and one unpleasant chore (such as cleaning a sink), but that got too irritating: it was too hard to decide if something was “a pleasant chore” or just a chore or just something pleasant.
I fell down a deep Curly Girl Method youtube/facebook group hole during the pandemic and spent approximately $89 on conditioner. I learned to use hair masks, squish to condish, plopping, even bought a diffuser. My hair is so much healthier and looks so much better and curlier. And it was nice to have a stress-free place on the internet to spend time during quarantine. There is an app called curlscan that will help you find different types of hair products that are “curly girl approved”.
I have ALSO tried the curly girl method on my curly/wavy hair. My major problem is that I can’t stop touching my hair!! Like, it’s impossible for me. Maybe when my kids are older? And I work out in the mornings and sweat so very much. I need to wash my hair daily and it takes forever to dry. But I am always so tempted to try again and this great post and fun comments might be too much to resist. Decisions decisions.