I continue to be exhausted and fretful and overwhelmed. We went back to Urgent Care for Edward’s abscess, and he DID make progress, which was encouraging if it lasts: the doctor put in a much smaller wick, and said after 48 hours he can take it out and let the incision heal, and start taking showers and so forth. But this is with the warning that things may then get worse again, and then, because we’d let the incision heal, it would mean making a new incision. The doctor also gave him three more days’ worth of antibiotics, so I have to go into the pharmacy again to pick those up. Is there no way to modify this system? I AM GOING SO MANY TIMES INTO SO MANY PLACES WHERE PEOPLE ARE SICK. [Edited to add: we picked up the prescription, and it’s for the same medication but half the strength, which matches what is printed on the discharge papers, so it’s not a pharmacy error. So now I have to figure out if I want to somehow track down that Urgent Care doctor on a holiday weekend to see if it was a mistake or if he wanted a lower dose (which surely he would have mentioned, rather than just saying he was going to extend the prescription by three days), or just give Edward the lower dose, or give him the dose he’s been taking but for one and a half days instead of three.]
Also, the Urgent Care doctor said that when we got home (this would have been Friday around lunchtime) we should call the pediatrician and make sure we got a follow-up appointment for the next week. I called as soon as we got home, and got put on hold, and after an hour of waiting I gave up and hung up and had some lunch. I waited another hour or so, then called again, got put on hold again, waited another hour, and hung up. This is a fully automated system, so it isn’t as if I can hang up and call back and tell the receptionist what’s going on; all I can do is listen to the 5-minute repeating loop of advertisements for the same medical center I am currently on hold for, and wonder if something is wrong with the system, or if they’re that busy, or if they’re closed but forgot to turn off the system, or am I hanging up 15 seconds before the nurse would have come onto the line.
Meanwhile, the same day I took Edward back to Urgent Care, I dropped the cat off for his ultrasound at around 8:30. The vet’s office called around noon to say I could come pick him up now, but that the vet wouldn’t be able to call to talk to me until late afternoon. I waited all afternoon and into the evening (I know doctors often make calls after their last patient of the day), fretting as I made dinner that she would call right in the middle of that and I would have to leave things stranded, but she never called. Now we’re in a long holiday weekend, and the cat doesn’t have the antibiotics the vet mentioned, or the subcutaneous fluids she mentioned, and I don’t know what the ultrasound showed. I’d thought at least we would have information at this point, even if it was very bad news. Instead we are not only still waiting, but also wondering if mistakes were made: like, maybe someone forgot to put our file in the vet’s call pile, and when she called she was going to have us come back to pick up the antibiotics, or whatever.
And Edward has his MRI appointment on Monday, and they haven’t called to confirm it or to give the instructions about fasting, so I’m wondering if maybe it was canceled and no one told us? We made the appointment before the pandemic, and there were a couple of other appointments, such as with the orthodontist, where we got an email saying all appointments were canceled and they’d be calling individually to confirm cancellation and reschedule, but then we never got a call. You’re tempted right now to tell me I can call the hospital and ask, and I know I can: the fretful/overwhelming part is that I feel like I’m being expected to manage something that someone else should be managing. AND I AM ALREADY DOING SO MUCH PHONE STUFF AND PHONE WAITING. [Edited to add: The MRI department called a few hours after I wrote this, and they confirmed the appointment and pre-registered him and told us about the fasting. Whew.]
And a few days ago I cancelled two routine dentist appointments that were scheduled for next week, one appointment for immunosuppressed Edward but the other for Henry who has braces and could really use the cleaning—because EVERYWHERE I was seeing news that Covid-19 cases were SKYROCKETING; and also because the appointments were for just a couple days after the July 4th weekend when so many people would be getting together and causing further skyrocketing; and also because I hadn’t heard anything from the dentist yet about whether they were still acting as if the pandemic was in progress or whether they were in the “Hey, we’re legally allowed to be open, so the pandemic is over and everything is back to normal!” category; and also because I had just been to Urgent Care where the registration nurse took off her mask to chat at length with the screening nurse, and then a different nurse took us back to a room and said “Oops, I forgot my face shield! I can tell because I can SEE for a change! Ha ha!” and then continued working with us, without going to get the face shield; so I was feeling as if it didn’t matter WHAT the protocols were ANYWHERE, it DEFINITELY wasn’t worth the risk of having someone putting their hands and breath right into my child’s unmasked nose and mouth for 45 minutes for just a routine cleaning, especially after that same someone could have spent the weekend getting together with large groups of people but not yet realize they’d been infected. And I felt so, so, so much better after I cancelled the appointments. So much better! So relieved! Until then, over the days following the cancellation, I was seeing EVERYWHERE that the dentist was considered safe, and that furthermore dentist appointments should be done NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW because soon they won’t be safe; and then I got a belated letter from our dentist explaining their protocols, which sound pretty much like what you’d expect in an operating room, and made me feel like the appointments would have been absolutely fine and I was being ridiculous. It feels like every decision I make is wrong.
And the electric bill came, and it is MORE THAN TWICE what it was last year at this time, even though the average daily temperature has been four degrees lower, and I can think of nothing to account for this. We didn’t add several large new appliances, or any new appliances. We didn’t set the a/c lower. We have only 1/7th more people here compared to last year at this time. The water heater is oil, not electric, so it’s not the increased laundry or showers. [Edited to add: Paul has gotten into this mystery, and is now doing things like changing filters, plugging an electricity-measuring device into various things, and so forth.]
And no one at our house is even seriously ill! No one in our extended family is seriously ill! And I don’t have little kids, or a full-time job, and we haven’t lost our primary source of income! My stressors are LOW, relatively speaking, and I still feel like I am having trouble coping. I am trying to imagine the impact of these stress levels on all of us, over time. It seems like it is not going to be good.
Anyway. I can’t remember if I’ve said that recently my GERD/reflux, which is normally easily controlled with a daily dose of omeprazole and hasn’t required me to modify my food/drink intake at all, has been BEYOND acting up, to the point where out of desperation I have cut out COFFEE, and also most alcohol, and also have been trying to eat smaller meals. What a time for this. I mean, it makes sense that the stress and exhaustion would increase the stomach acid, but on the other hand at the very time I most need coffee and alcohol and big hearty sustaining meals! Why, body, why! (Also: because the way I experience GERD is not as Classic Acidic Heartburn Feelings but instead as a persistent cough and a feeling of heaviness in my chest and a feeling of having difficulty breathing ((before the diagnosis, I’d thought I was developing asthma)), I have been getting a lot of laundry done as I prepare the family for my Imminent Death from What I Thought Was GERD But Was In Fact Covid-19.)
Without my usual housecleaning method of maintaining a pleasant level of tipsiness as I spend an evening cheerfully cleaning, the household cleanliness is diving, which further increases stress. I have been relying very heavily on Well, What CAN You Do and on Just Do One Thing. I have also added a method that doesn’t always work, but CAN work if employed carefully, which is to try to get VALUE out of my very limited motivation. This is the very thing that can backfire, and in fact attempting this method is what originally resulted in the development of the “Well, what CAN you do?” alternate plan, because sometimes trying to choose/do the most important thing sends me into a complete fit in which I can do nothing, NOTHING, and it’s crucial to instead be able to just do whatever I feel I can cope with, and let those little manageable less-important things bring down the Household Squalor level in their own way.
But sometimes, if I wake up to another day where I think it’s likely I’ll barely have the oomph to make sure my Candy Crush streaks are kept up to date, it’s better to have a plan to use my limited motivation to tackle one thing that has been driving me more crazy than anything else. FOR EXAMPLE. Our bathroom has one of those shower fittings where two big pieces of shower surround were brought in and snapped together, meaning there’s a slight gap between them, causing an ENDLESS WAR ON MILDEW. (IS THERE NO WAY TO MODIFY THIS SYSTEM. This is like how so many metal things in bathrooms are made of a kind of metal that rusts/corrodes if exposed to moisture. DID NO ONE THINK AHEAD.) From the toilet, there is an excellent view of this mildewy shower gap. So that many times a day, including first thing in the morning and last thing at night, I see the mildew gap and it makes me feel tired and wan, and like I can’t manage anything, and like the housework is beyond my control. Then I wash my hands, and I notice the gunkiness building up around the little gap under the faucet handles. Many times a day, this happens.
And so in the interest of getting the best VALUE for my cleaning time, this morning before showering I got up and dealt with both of those things. Maybe that’s it for the day, maybe I won’t do any more cleaning, but every time I use the bathroom I will notice that those things have been handled. For like a week until they need to be done again.
mildew proof caulk for the shower. doesn’t take long. works great. tape down both sides so there is no spread, apply, then smooth with your finger.
also, maybe have a family meeting where you discuss how you’re feeling, what other people are feeling, and how the others might help relieve your stress by taking on a specific job. for example, with coaching, could Paul make the phone calls? could the kids each take ownership of a zone of the house to make sure it is tidy before the end of the day? use the resources you have on hand, and explain to them that this is hard on you and you need help.
I am so sympathetic about those Kafkaesque automated phone systems. Once, after having a similar experience on hold for hours and never getting anyone, I was so frustrated that I just… pressed a different button, to talk to an office that had nothing to do with what I needed. I explained that I simply could not get my office to pick up, and they said “Huh, that’s weird,” and took my number and looked into it for me and called me back and it turns out their phones weren’t working. They must have thought they were having a nice… peaceful…. day.
Still wishing you deep peace of mind.
It’s a small drop in the bucket, but I’ve been having all prescriptions delivered since March. (I also have all groceries delivered, which is amazing, but it does take a while to develop your list of frequently bought items. Now that i have that, I can order as many times a week as I need, same day, doorstep delivery. I’m never going back to in-person grocery shopping).
I relate, sympathize, empathize. I’ve got nothing to help, but I’m thinking of you.
My mother has a similar situation to your mold issue. Its inside the shower so her solution is to keep an old toothbrush in the shower and then she had a tool at hand when she sees it while showering. I too, get the crud around my faucets. I keep a cleaning kit under the sink in each bathroom and it includes an old toothbrush, so I can quickly spot clean whatever is currently bugging me.
I have found myself to be completely unmotivated to do anything these last 3 days, other than lean against a heating pad (middle back pain that has been bad in the past but is not currently at a I Can’t Move level). So I shall start and do something. Perhaps it will snowball to a lot of something else, or maybe it will meander to just one or two other chores. Even if it’s One And Done, it’s still ONE and not NONE.
Oh, dear. I have no advice but the hug I am sending you could not be more socially distanced. Try watching “Hamilton.” We did last night and that helped cool some of my red-hot rage that our county commissioners opted us out of our (wonderful, smart, science-believing) governor’s mask mandate. Sigh.
Our county school board (which cannot, I don’t THINK, overrule our city/district board, but we shall see) just came out and said that they will provide “guidelines” for getting kids back to K-12 that don’t involve wearing masks or social distancing. Which sounds an awful lot to me like doing nothing and pretending the virus doesn’t exist. Because we are in one of Those Counties, apparently.
I will have to give Hamilton a try.
” I feel like I’m being expected to manage something that someone else should be managing. ”
And that someone actually gets *paid* to manage it. This is one of my many, many pet peeves. It’s even more frustrating when I don’t have access to all of the information that this other person (who is employed by the businees/school/medical office) would have.
I keep making lists of things that need to be done and then getting overwhelmed with said lists. So, like you, I try to pick one thing to get done.
My reflux has also been off the charts. Like you I usually don’t need to modify my diet at all. After chatting with my doctor she said I could double my omeprazole for the time being and it’s almost back to normal. I know this would require yet another phone call…. Hugs and hope you feel better and get a heap of good news phone calls.
Oh, gosh, I am so stressed, vicariously, re: those calls & medicine conundrums. I can offer no solutions but lots of sympathy! (Well, one thing: many vets have an emergency number, or check their emails over the weekend for patients that are in critical condition, and an email with a detailed subject line *might* get you a reply, and I don’t think it would piss them off or anything. All the vets I have know would be gutted if their patirnts needed medicine and had to go without because of a clerical error (and would also be happy to take a minute to reassure if all was well).
I sometimes make silly category titles for tasks I need to tackle, and at some point I recognized a category of things that aren’t necessarily highest priority, but the fact that they haven’t gotten done is somehow clogging up the whole system. Sometimes that is a logistical thing (can’t put something away until I fix the shelf, but that required a call to the hardware store & I don’t know what I actually need, so really I need to do some Googling…), but often it is just that this annoying thing I’d taking up mental real estate and bottoming out my delicate mental suspension (uh…that was a tortured metaphor!). I have started to call these tasks Monkeys. Because until I get them off my back, my entire to-do list languishes and I can’t move forward with anything but glacial speeds.
Yes! I have this issue. Usually it’s a psychological bottleneck, like I’ll feel miserable not knowing where to start or why I can’t get anything done, and then I’ll fold all the laundry on the guest bed and realize, hey, THIS was the bottleneck. It’s identifying the bottleneck that’s really tough, though. And often it’s something that requires having to ride herd on my kids, which is a bottleneck unto itself.
Yes! I HATE having to nag my kids to do things that they should do without prompting! If the dishwasher is sitting open and full of sparkling dishes, why, WHY do they simply pile dirty dishes on the counter above it when they KNOW that emptying it is their job? Should it not be automatic after years of it being their job?
I have been following a specfic diet for health for the past two years and then went OFFFF the rails in quarantine and it has sent my digestive system into a tailspin so I’ve gone back. Or tried and keep stumbling but will get there soon. i feel like my system had gotten used to a new healthier way of eating and is revolting on purpose now. Maybe the quarantine dietary indulgences are a culprit for you too?
Pre-pandemic (BEFORE TIMES) I got so fed with my local pharmacies that I went to an on-line one that delivers in my area (Capsule). Easy to use, cheaper and so far, no BS. I noticed by DOB was wrong and with one text it was fixed. Please look to see if there is similar in your area. Definitely a game changer.
I hear good things about the timer method of cleaning (Pomodoro method). Set the timer for 10min. Clean a specific area/do a specific task in that time. Timer goes off. You’re done. No matter what.
I sort of work off a master list of what needs to be accomplished in a big time period, then get things done when my health permits in the small. It mostly works. Lets me check off things on an alternate time line the majority of the time and feel better about when they don’t get done the rest.
It’s so hard when life doesn’t realize that you are at your limit for stress and just keeps piling things on anyway.
Alas I have no solutions but have you tried the show Schitt’s creek? I thought it wasn’t for me but decided to plow through and after 2-3 episodes am delighted by it. Warm and funny and a sweet distraction.
Sending good thoughts your way!
YES and I love it. I was the same as you: I thought it was definitely not my style (I hate cringe/crude), but kept with it because of all the enthusiastic recommendations, and ended up LOVING it and watching each episode twice in a row. Such a sweet show. (Except for Roland. I never warmed to Roland.)
Me neither! He was stuck firmly in Cringe for me.
This all seems too much. I am in awe of you.
My husband has been insisting we cancel dentist and orthodontist appointments, and I DISAGREE but the way Pandemic Negotiations have evolved in our house, the person who feels more uncomfortable/cautious carries the day. So I can almost sense the cavities and ortho problems and gingivitis growing daily but can’t do anything about it.
I also REALLY REALLY want to bring back our cleaning people but again, see above, not happening. The house is just…grungy and I feel like I clean all the time. I hate it.
PLUS my household has been SO SO CAREFUL AND OBSERVANT since mid-March and I feel like our good behavior should be rewarded? Instead bc other people can’t bother to be careful we get to continue not shopping, not seeing friends/family, and god only knows about school which is supposed to start in SIX WEEKS.
I’ve heard that many automated phone systems will put you ahead in the queue if you’re swearing. I don’t really understand it myself, I’d personally cut people off who were swearing but I suppose the customer is always right. I’ve tried it a couple of times and it seems to work but the person who answers the phone is always a little surprised that I’m calm and pleasant. Plus it’s just fun calmly swearing into the phone while on hold.
Yes! My husband’s trick is to say “AGENT” in a loud, agitated voice. It’s not what you say, so much as triggering maybe a decibel sensor in the system. If you are loud they assume you require service rather urgently.
Oh Swistle, I want to whisk you away for a week in a hotel (with no other guests and just like… room service dropped off as needed by someone in full PPE gear) and magically make all the required things Happen In Your Absence. You need a BREAK. I realize that’s not 100% an option at the moment, but maybe you can just like… decree one next weekend? You are taking PTO, you get 8 hours each day where you leave a list for the family and they must complete all items on the list or you stop doing things they like/want (food? laundry? allowance? whatever will motivate them to comply) and you cocoon yourself in a blanket with books and Hamilton and take a mental vacation from life <3
No solution but definite commiseration: I’ve gotten a mysterious rash on the webbing of my fingers in two places – between 2 fingers on my left hand and a different 2 fingers on my right hand. It’s evolved into dry, slightly-irritated patches of skin in those places. I initially blamed all the extra handwashing and sanitizer use and yes, these may have contributed, but then after a couple of months of not healing it struck me: when I was in grad school I got a persistent rash on my hands – that time on most of my nail beds – that lasted long enough to make my nails look a bit off and pitted for months. Grad school was… not a fun time for me, and probably the only time in my life where I was experiencing a high level of stress for a long time that’s comparable to now. Apparently getting eczema (self-diagnosed as I’m not going to the doctor for something small like this right now) on my hands might be my body’s reaction to it?
Another thing you might consider: psorasis. Similar to eczema in appearance but caused by an autoimmune disorder. I get small itchy patches on my hands and forearms, only at those places and only when I’m stressed. I went through a bad few months in college thinking it was everything from poison ivy to ringworm to a mysterious cancer. Then I finally went to the dr and she diagnosed me in 10 seconds, prescribed me a huge thing of medicine that cost me $5, and I’ve been fine ever since. (It IS acting up during this time, the worst it’s ever been, and I’m so grateful for the medicine).
Thanks and I appreciate the suggestion, but my husband has psoriasis and this isn’t it. It starts as a rash that’s a cluster of small, itchy, fluid-filled bumps before becoming a long-term dry patch. The bigger one is about the size of a nickel, and the smaller is about 1/4 as big. I’d suspect contact dermatitis if it went away any faster or was prone to spreading.
Ah, well I’m glad it’s not it! I always tell people about mine because it looks different than pictures I’ve seen of psorasis. I also get clusters of itchy fluid bumps (hence my thinking it was poison ivy!). They even occur in small circles most of the time. But then mine never turns to the dry patch like yours does unless I use medicine. Maybe it’s not psorasis, but the medicine works so I’m not complaining! lol I hope yours gets better before it gets worse and that nothing else comes from the stress!
Thanks!
You’re definitely correct that psoriasis can look different for different people. My sister and brother both say they have it (adult onset in both cases), but theirs also looks different from my husband’s and I’m not sure it was a doctor’s diagnosis in either of their cases. My brother’s arms have big red patches, but the skin seems smooth. My sister has a combination of the smooth red skin but dry patches on her elbows. My husband gets what I think is called plaque psoriasis, which is a classic presentation. He gets injections every 12 weeks to control it, and since the pandemic that’s meant getting the medicine shipped here and me learning to inject it for him.