Your comments on the breakfast post put me in the mood for baked oatmeal. I have been having trouble sleeping (I know from Twitter/blogs/Facebook that I am not the only one), and when I woke up at 4:45 and couldn’t get back to sleep, I thought happily, “I’ll get up and make the baked oatmeal!” It is in the oven now.
You were all more interested than I’d expected in the topic of breakfast, so I will add that one of my OTHER favorite breakfasts, which I think I could eat every day for the rest of my life, is half of a toasted/buttered/salted bagel, plus two scrambled eggs. Something about that combination is almost magical.
It made me very happy to read how many of you appreciate a good Second Breakfast. I too appreciate Second Breakfast. One of the benefits of waking/getting up too early is there is plenty of time for Second Breakfast.
I had a down day yesterday, with a particularly down evening. I’m fretting about whether I should go back to work part-time at my mostly-closed library. I realize I am extremely lucky (on multiple levels) to have the ability (on multiple levels) to make this relatively low-stakes decision. Those of you with less choice, more stress, and more at stake may want to skim, or skip entirely: there’s nothing on any other topic for the rest of the post, so you won’t miss anything.
We are not in a high-exposure area and/or large city. The library is still doing curb-side service, which I could possibly opt out of participating in (and might not even be asked to participate in, since I am a re-shelver, and they might be thinking of curb-side as more of a checking-out job); the building is closed except to employees. There is a quarantine process for returned items: I don’t know exactly what it is because I’m not there, but it looks like things hang out on a cart down in a storeroom for a week, and then are sanitized. The number of employees in the library is kept very low (it looks like four or so), and everyone stays at least six feet away from each other. What I’ve been hearing/reading is that transmission of the virus on Touched (or even Coughed On) Items is not anywhere near the concern of transmission by particles actively being coughed/talked in your immediate Face Vicinity.
That seems to me like I could go back to work. And I would LIKE to go back to work, and I would enjoy being part of this experience with my co-workers. But with Edward’s immunosuppressant medication, I wonder if that’s being foolish. The library IS still handling materials that other people have touched and coughed on and licked their fingers to turn pages of, etc. And there is a lot we still don’t know for sure about the risks and transmission of this particular virus. And being around / talking to / sharing a bathroom with co-workers is still a not-insignificant increase in risk, even if we’re trying to be safe and stay away from each other.
One test I often use for decision making is “How would I feel explaining this decision later to a police officer / ER doctor / etc.?” There are plenty of things that seem like No Big Deal until you imagine explaining them that way to an expert or authority figure after the plan has gone awry. I’ve seen that framing used in things being shared on Facebook about Covid-19: basically, if you found out you’d had the virus for a week, and the doctor asked you to please make a list of everywhere you’d been and everyone you’d had contact with, how would you feel about that list? It’s not the kind of question I want someone else to ask me in a shaming, judgey way, but it’s the kind of question I like to ask MYSELF, as part of the figuring-out process.
And so it’s a question I’m asking myself while trying to decide about the work issue. If I went back to work, and then I became sick and then Edward became sick, and the doctor was trying to trace down how Edward got it—how would I feel about my decision to go back to work at my low-wage, low-importance job, where almost anyone could fill in for me?
If I think of that same question about the decision to get together with a friend, I immediately flinch: I’d feel terrible. I’d hate to have to admit it to the doctor, and I’d want to lie. I’d feel I’d made a stupid mistake for no good reason, and against specific and clear recommendations. But if I ask it about a decision to go to the grocery store, I don’t flinch: We needed food. I didn’t go excessively, I took precautions, it’s a very, very contagious virus and we were all going to be exposed to it eventually.
Work is somewhere in between, especially because it is a low-paying part-time job and we don’t HAVE-to-have-to have the income: if I lost the job involuntarily, we would not be desperate for me to replace it (though I would start looking). But obviously we would prefer to have the income, especially during uncertain times, and when it might not be safe/possible for the older boys to get the summer jobs they’d normally get to help pay for college.
It is also harder to decide because I would LIKE to go back, and so I worry I am looking for rationalizations/justifications rather than accurately assessing the situation. I am also worried I will let anxiety (“BUT WHAT IF???”) exaggerate a small normal reasonable risk.
Another issue is that I can’t tell from my boss (the director, who is personally calling each of us every two weeks to see how we want to proceed with our own work plans, and the next call is coming up soon which is why it’s on my mind) whether they even need me or not! They’re doing a brisk curbside service, but it’s still nothing like the usual level of circulation. They might be RELIEVED if I don’t want to come in, because they don’t want to have to find things for me to do. But my boss is also very kind and understanding, and she is careful to be accommodating and low-pressure, so she could be trying to make it easy for me by down-playing how inconvenient it is for me to be out. Well. This is a question I could ask my direct supervisor: I can picture emailing her and asking her to be frank with me, and I can picture her being frank with me. But FIRST I have to decide what I want to do: no sense getting her to say frankly that they’d like me to come back, and then saying, well too bad, I’m staying home.
Well. I’ve told Paul I want to talk it over sometime soon.
I use the exact same process to make decisions! How would I feel explaining this to a medical professional trying to trace where I have been.
Since March 13th, I can list where I’ve been easily:
2 Walmart grocery pick ups (They had to put things in the backseat because they were large because we are only going every other week so I stepped out of the car to give them the 6′ of safe distance.
1 time to my empty office to pick up a spare monitor (office policy dictates you give 24 hours notice before entering and cannot be there within an hour of someone else. There are wipes at the door. I felt absolutely confident this was a safe move.)
Twice to my parents driveway where they stayed in the garage and I visited from about 10′ away.
Once to an orthopedic surgical center for my kid’s broken arm.
My husband has been more places (pizza pick up twice, actually entering another grocery store twice, and taking our car for much needed service because the rear door was stuck in the open position, the post office, a necessary doctor’s appointment for him, the orthopedic ER for the kid’s broken arm, chrome book pickup for e learning, and a few other things. But they are all what I would consider necessary and relatively low contact. They all leave me fretful and anxious, though. I hate this all so much.) Early on, he was going to the local coffee shop to support the business, but I fretted a lot (How would you feel if it lingers on surfaces and you brought it home to our house. Our house is small. There’s no where to shield anyone else from you.” and he has purchased ground coffee and ceased.
Something I fret about every day – is ordering things (mostly necessary, some sanity savers to keep kids occupied), stimulating the economy and keeping companies in business? Or is it needlessly exposing people and I should be hated for frivolously ordering things to keep a kid with one good arm occupied and happy? and ordering things to keep her rough housing sisters away from her? I don’t know the answer.
Ordering things is good, relatively low-contact. Order fulfillment is relatively low-contact, particularly if you’re ordering from small businesses (like Bob Ross Enterprises, which a friend of mine runs).
To be flippant for a moment, come and live in France, where all online ordering is banned except “essentials”, which are foodstuffs, medical stuff, baby stuff and pet stuff. That’s it. As the online ordering Queen, it’s been great for my bank balance (which is good as I have essentially no money coming in right now).
More seriously, Amazon France was found guilty in a French court yesterday of putting its employees in danger, thereby forcing the company to definitively halt all its non-essential operations.
Wow, Kirsty, I had not heard that yet about Amazon France! Just wow.
In your area, are people generally honoring the social-distance guidelines, or are they ignoring/downplaying the importance and condemning those who choose to honor them? If the latter, then there might be an added benefit to your staying home. Each additional person who stays home helps to normalize the viewpoint that this is a Real Thing to Be Taken Seriously, and makes ignoring the guidelines less and less defensible. It tips us closer to a world where “What’s the big deal? Just go to work” begins to seem like the scary fringe viewpoint–which we need to happen in order to beat this pandemic.
In your case, you have the especially compelling, very real issue of an immunocompromised child, so you are better situated than many to justify a decision to stay home (in addition to all the other great reasons you listed).
My toddler misses the library terribly! And books and other library resources are more important than ever right now. I feel your pain, having to make this decision.
I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. How would you feel about going back 1/2 or 1/4 of the time? Like if your normal shifts were 10 hours a week across 3 days (<- I'm plucking that out of the air) and instead you went back once every 2 weeks for an 8 hour shift?
Would something like that make you feel a bit more like you're balancing (in no particular order) helping the library, less risk to yourself and Edward, making some money and keeping your job, etc.?
I have to say I find it a bit shocking that libraries are open at all where you live. Here (Ottawa, Canada) libraries are closed and stall temporarily laid off. Period. The government doesn’t want anyone to leave their house without a necessary reason: work, groceries, etc. and library books are not on the list of things people are encouraged to leave their houses for. As of now, the projection is closure until at least June 30th in my city,, though this will be reevaluated when it’s getting closer.
Even hardware stores and pet food stores can’t allow customers in: online ordering with curbside pickup or delivery only. Even essential stores that are open have mostly stopped selling things like lottery tickets since they don’t want people coming in just to buy or check their tickets (and people were doing just that).
Our libraries (in my part of Colorado) are closed except for on-line services. Can’t even return books, which means no fines.
It might be wise to take a position that expresses your willingness to come in and help, if needed, but preference to continue to quarantine if not needed. I think it’s fair to explain that you have an immunosuppressed child and that is part of the reason you would prefer to quarantine for as long as possible. BUT that you really love your work and want to help out in any way you can.
Your family may not NEED your income, but you love your job. And I think that is important, whether you decide to go into work now or wait until the libraries re-open.
Yes! This.
Seconded. I don’t know how comfortable you are with doing a brain dump on your boss, but I think saying “I love my job but my kid’s medical needs make me more than willing to let someone who needs the hours more have them. Also, I appreciate the lack of pressure, but I can’t get a read on what you actually need, so I’m just laying my cards on the table” is fair in the These Weird Times.
THIS
I would just be frank with your boss and let her know that you love your job and want to keep it but you also love your family and want to keep them. If you haven’t already, share with her that you have an immunocompromised child at home. You could tell her you appreciate her checking in with you every couple of weeks and express to her how much you would LIKE to come back to work, for the library and for yourself, but you’re just not sure it’s the right thing to do at this time.
Also, I think you’re on the right track with thinking “how would I explain this to the authorities”. In every day life my Moral Compass is generally “how would I explain this to my grandma”
Now that I’m rereading, I’m totally not clear: work, groceries, etc. are examples of necessary reasons, while library books are not on the list of necessary things. In my mind there was a pause after etc. I should have set off the first bit with dashes so it’s clear the list didn’t run on to include library books.
And that second comment was supposed to be a reply to my first comment.
I was at the fish store yesterday. It’s a very small storefront so only 4 people were allowed in at a time. We all had masks on as is the recommendation in our state when in public. I man walked right in without a mask and not caring one bit that he was person number 5. After him, came another self absorbed man walked through with no mask. You can’t count on people to do the right thing. They either don’t understand the severity of this pandemic or don’t care. It makes me nervous to be around the general public when I have to go out. I went into the post office (had to mail a larger envelope and didn’t know how much it would cost) and the postal worker at the desk didn’t have a mask on! How could that be! I was able to be serviced by the person who did have a mask on, otherwise I was prepared to tell the man that I didn’t want to be serviced by him as he was not safe. It’s a scary world.
In the uk only essential work places are open, which probably makes it easier as it takes the element of choice away. We are constantly bombarded on tv and radio with announcements telling us to stay home unless our journey is for essential work, essential shopping or one hours exercise walking, running or cycling per day. Doesn’t stop some idiots trying to buck the system, but the majority are complying.
My son is immune suppressed as well. My take on is that I don’t go anywhere that I don’t have to.
Considering Edward’s medical situation, I wouldn’t take the risk. I’m surprised the library is even open, but my frame of reference is for closures in my area. I’m in a state with a major outbreak, but on the opposite side of the state where things are much more calm. If there is no fear of losing your job by not taking shifts now, I would resist the urge to work.
I agree – take a hard pass for Edward’s sake. This is will eliminate a level of fretfulness from your life.
As a librarian (although my situation sounds much larger) another factor might be if you coming in means someone else gets less shifts, maybe someone who needs the hours more? I have 18 team members, and if only three can be in the building at the same time, someone isn’t getting shifts.
Obviously, only you can know if this applies to you
I think for me, having an immunocompromised child would mean I would not want to go back to work outside the house unless it was absolutely financially necessary. I don’t think that’s the only “right” answer but it’s my strong feeling. Possibly a strong feeling it’s easier to have because I’m not actually in that situation, and also I’m in the UK where our libraries are shut and the government keeps hammering on that the only acceptable reasons to leave your house are food, medical help, or exercise.
I am very bad at having breakfast (not in a smug “I never remember I need to eat, guess I’m just a morally superior being of light and air!” kind of way, more in a “generally I get up as late as I possibly can and then graze on snacks throughout the morning instead of actually having a proper meal” way) but when I do have it I love porridge with jam.
I LOVE a good buttered, salted bagel. Almost nothing better or more comforting.
The job quandary is so hard. I’m sorry you have THAT added stress on top of everything else.
My take would be that the amount of mental stress at re entry to the house after every shift would eventually/immediately make me rethink my decision to start back. And I would have to keep repeating that to myself, because the thought of being able to work library shifts right now sounds like heaven, in theory.
I would let my boss know that I want to come back when it’s safe to do so, and also that I have a high risk person in your house, so I’d like to tag out until May or June (pick a date that makes sense in your area). I’ve done that with a couple of things I was torn about and just found it was easier to pick a check in date, thereby kicking my fretting away until at least then.
Ugh *my house. I didn’t change person very successfully LOOK THIS IS A STRESSFUL TIME
Ooh! It’s another way to worry about something later!
I would say don’t go back to work, mostly because of Edward. Our library is closed with no kind of pickups or drop offs allowed. (Wisconsin.) I’d say it would be different if you were in need of the income, but it sounds like you aren’t.
If I had an immunosuppressed loved one in my home, I wouldn’t go. This is because studies have found a large number of people (I’m talking like 30%) can be asymptomatic. This means any of your co-workers that you share an indoor building with, toilets, doorknobs, etc., could be shedding the virus and you could catch it. Why risk it? Doing ANYTHING other than the essential stuff is a risk in my opinion. Not worth it if you don’t need the money.
I think you once wrote a post about the last baby, in other words, there will be a last baby no matter how many children you have. Likewise, there will be a first shift of work at some point unless for whatever reason you choose not to return to work. It’s a hard shift, no matter when you work it. It’s okay to go and it’s okay to delay. Whatever you choose will be the right choice.
…also, it is okay to weigh the importance of your mental health and the sense of contributing to society just like anyone else does (men, single parents).
What Jessemy said.
I would wait to go back. We are still in the deep middle of this thing, and over the next month, the terrible peak will pass, where there will still be viruses around but hospitals won’t be so overwhelmed, and doctors will have learned more things about how to treat it. Given the immosuppressed situation in your house, you can be one of the people on the slower end of reintegrating. For reference, in France the entire country is still on total lockdown until May 11, at which point things like schools will start reopening, but museums, concerts, events will still be closed/cancelled most likely until June or July. So it would not be crazy at all to wait to go back to work for at another month. If you were in France, the decision would actually be out of your control and your library would be closed until summer.
^ another yes to what Jessamy said. I have read that the actual risk of getting it from an object is low. Also, unless you completely wall off your family from the outside world for a period of time (no grocery pickup, no checking the mail, no anything), there is some level of residual risk. It’s almost impossible to reduce to zero. I have made myself feel better about the small things I’ve had to do (like buying groceries once a week) by realizing how drastically reduced my social interactions are from normal. I am probably only coming into contact with 1 person for every 100 I would normally between kids, work, going places, etc. Based on that, I am okay with doing some small things if it helps my sanity (like going to the grocery store for my weekly trip instead of draining my pantry to zero with eating weird combos or things we wouldn’t normally eat).
It is almost strange for me to hear people talk about whether or not they can go back to work voluntarily. I work in a “non-essential” job and we have been closed since March 19th. I have been home since March 13th. State regs dictate that we will be closed until AT LEAST May 15th. Though, to be fair, I live in Los Angeles. We all go out in masks and look like small weasel-y gangs about to rob whatever is still open.
All I can say from 33rd(?) day of Quarantine is to do what feels right in your gut. An abundance of caution will not go amiss in times like these.
Stay safe. <3 <3
Breakfast: In an effort to reduce milk consumption (supply is plentiful but fridge space is limitted) I am offering oatmeal porridge as often as possible because otherwise my three children and I all default to cereal-with-milk, perhaps two bowls, every single day. Usually just the youngest and I have the oatmeal but it definitely has helped with the milk issue.
Back-to-work. I think you’ve had lots of good ideas advice (lay your cards on the table with your supervisor, remember that there will be a first shift no matter what…). I would add: consult Edward’s physician in advance. Certainly helps with “how would I explain this to an ER doc / judge” test. You did your due diligence and took expert advice.
I am also shocked that the library is still open, although I guess curbside really reduces risk. Still – it’s not an essential business. It’s like my friends who are “social distancing” but still see their parents every now and then. I would wait. The job, or at least A Job, will be there for you, because you’re thoughtful, motivated, intelligent, and resourceful.
Also, I have panic attacks every time my husband comes home from work, or when I come home from anywhere (which is basically never since we switched to grocery delivery), so that may be informing my opinion.
Where I live, everything non-essential is closed. The libraries – OH MY GOD I MISS THE LIBRARY – have been closed for weeks now. Obviously the yoga studios where I worked are also closed. In a way, it’s good to have that clarity because I felt the same as you, before they closed in mid-March. There were a couple of days when I wasn’t sure if I should teach or not…and then the decision was made for me. My husband has sarcoidosis in his lungs and also high blood pressure so it would not be good if he got sick. I…don’t know what the point of my comment is except that it’s a really hard decision and I’m sorry.
This post made me REALLY miss bagels. I wonder if our bagel place is still open for pick up / delivery.
The work thing is a tough tough tough decision. There’s no great way to know what the right thing to do is right now, with everything changing so quickly (see: mask policy!!). I think kicking the decision out another month, if that’s possible / viable / will not make you feel worse, is a reasonable compromise. We’ll know so much more in a month (hopefully)!
Nothing to do with decision making. I am incredibly jealous that the library is open for curbside pickup. I would LOVE to have a fresh batch of library books.