Paul complained this morning that he keeps getting ready to take a shower and then someone else gets in right before he gets there. I suggested that, since he gets up fully two hours earlier than the next person, he solve this by taking a shower as soon as he gets up. No, he says, he hates doing that. Okay, but: waiting for everyone else to get up seems like an actual recipe for how to keep experiencing the apparently recurring frustration of other people getting into the shower when you want one.
Speaking of shower behavior, Rob takes voice lessons at college, and it turns out he likes to practice while showering. Another pertinent detail: he often showers in the middle of the night.
Hi, how are you enjoying isolation with your loved ones?
I can’t let this go yet. Just picture this. Paul gets up. He does whatever he wants in a quiet house for two hours. Then, when everyone else starts getting up for the day, he wants a shower THEN? I mean, fine, that’s an okay thing to want. But after passing up two hours of available shower time, COMPLAINS THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE IN THE SHOWER WHEN HE WANTS ONE? Like we’re getting in his way? No.
(I was mouthy to his face, as well as behind his back.)
I am additionally frustrated this morning because I can’t log into my Swistle Facebook account. Months and months ago, I tried logging in but I’d forgotten my password. Instead of just letting me reset my password, it tried to make me do a security check where I had to identify five friends it showed me pictures of—but of course on a blog-related account I don’t KNOW all my friends’ names, and/or I know people by their blog pseudonyms! So I failed. It told me I could try again later, but every single time I’ve tried to log in since then it’s just said it can’t verify my identity right now and I should try again later. There’s no contact button, there’s no help button, there’s no way to get any sort of further assistance with this issue. I can’t even delete the account! All I can do is let it live on, forever locked! And if I DID get another chance to verify my identity, I STILL wouldn’t be able to pass that test!
Anyway, if you’ve tried to friend that account in the last few months, I’m not ignoring your request, I just can’t see it or get to it. And now the blogs, which are linked to that account, are telling me they can’t access it and I need to refresh my connection, so presumably they are going to stop automatically publishing there like they’re supposed to do. I know all this is a small thing in the face of a pandemic, but it’s the kind of thing where when I am already amped up about the more important thing, the less-important thing is A STEP TOO FAR.
Ugh, the shower thing. Here’s mine: Retired husband cannot take a shower until someone else has 1. had a shower, or 2. run a lot of hot water (dishes?), because he thinks the water heater needs to get primed or whatever. So, if *I* haven’t taken a shower yet, he RUNS THE HOT WATER for like 20 minutes so that he has sufficient hot water. This makes no sense because I always have plenty of hot water, any time, day or night.
The Facebook thing? This would be my tipping point. GOODBYE Facebook. Yes, there are positive things about Facebook but at this point, I wish they would just die. I’m just about there with Amazon as well.
NO. Susan’s husband, just NO.
We once had a water heater that had to be woken up in the morning – you run [freezing cold] “hot water” for a minute or so, then you hear the [gas] water heater turn on, then you wait half an hour (or until you hear the water heater settle itself down) before showering.
If retired husband grew up with one of these, uh, delightful quirks of a bygone age, that may be what’s going on? (but still: being retired is no excuse for being unable to adapt to *there being hot water available at any time*)
Oh, do you hate it? Do you hate it SO MUCH?, I always want to ask members of my family. I sure would hate to do something and then do it anyway. How terrible that must be.
Oh, Joanne. Tell me what you want, and I will get it for you, because YES.
I’ve been thinking about the whole married but in separate houses thing a lot lately (WHO CAN GUESS WHY?) and I think most spouses get irritated by each other’s habits, but women are conditioned to try to make everyone happy, and that makes the irritation so much worse. Neither my spouse nor I is especially flexible, but it’s nearly comical how stymied he is by not having things be the way they always are. We were once going to have guys working in our kitchen, and I told spouse that I was going to be moving all the stuff on the counters into the dining room, so no flat surfaces, so he would need to eat 15 minutes earlier than usual or eat in the living room. The living room where he sits for ages every morning anyway.
Instead he left for work early, announcing dramatically that he would just get breakfast out that day.
I hope/assume twentysomethings have avoided or successfully resisted the conditioning to people-please and smooth the path of the menfolk, and men have taken some of it on for any women they might be involved with, because MY GOD THE THROAT-CLEARING AND THE TAKING UP OF TWO ROOMS TO TELEWORK
I so feel you. That is it. I feel you.
There are 1000 complaints about my life and the people who never leave my house anymore but I cannot think of them because OMFG with the shower.
The Rob one just cracks me up. I am sure it wouldn’t if I lived there but it does living not there. The Paul one makes my head want to pop off.
“The people who never leave my house anymore.”
That’s it right there.
Listen, I was already really irritated with Paul about the books-unpacking thing. But this is just MADNESS. Paul. PAUL. GET IT TOGETHER.
I picture myself responding to him, upon hearing his shower-related complaints, with an exaggerated look of uncomprehending horror. Because seriously? PAUL. Whether, in practice, this look would work (or land with its intended Shut Up Immediately implications), I don’t know. But maybe worth a try.
AAAAAGGGHHHH, the FB thing is enraging me, especially since I tagged you in a post about See’s candy. (TW scarcity news – leaving a gap, so you don’t need to read it if you don’t want to)
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I am very sorry to say that they are halting production for the duration of the crisis.
HAPPY REPORT: I impulsively placed an order shortly before they closed! It shipped before they stopped shipments!
OH THANK GOODNESS.
I was so worried.
I sent my parents two pounds of nuts and chews and some peanut brittle before they closed! I AM TRIUMPHANT
My husband and I were at a Hallmark store a couple months ago, I picked up a few Pecan Rolls by Russell Stover. I LOVED them! He took it upon himself to surprise me by buying a huge box of them from Amazon over a month ago. I’ve been eating one roll full of pecany maple goodness a day, to keep my spirits up!
And also, what the actual heck, Paul? Shower when you’re the only person up.
MEN ARE SO…. UGH. My fiancé & I have opposite work schedules under normal circumstances, which on an average day only puts us both home at the same time from approx 1am (when he gets home from work) to approx 6-7am (when I leave for work), during which time one of us is sleeping, so under normal circumstances we rarely see each other. However, normal circumstances these are not, therefore I have to be witness to his unmotivated (some may call it lazy) morning routine, in which he gets out of bed at whatever time pleases him (usually between 10am & 11am) and then lounges around in his pajamas for a few hours. It drives me BATTY. Under normal circumstances he’d do this morning “routine” and then leave the house around noon for work, so this is not an adjusted schedule based on pandemic circumstances, this is just the normal thing, but usually I’m not around to bear witness to it (and be annoyed by it). Although he isn’t able to work from home (he’s in the entertainment industry), he has been assisting several neighbors with their home remodel projects, so it isn’t like he doesn’t have anything to do, he just shows zero motivation to get going and it drives me batty.
Oh, Paul- what the hell? There are many people in your house WHY would you not enjoy a shower when no one else will disturb you?
There are many annoying things happening in our home with all the people crowded in here. Whistling – please STOP whistling. Then there was one college knucklehead who plugged his big apartment TV in his bedroom and watched it at 2 am when his also college age brother was trying to sleep in the same room. An arguement ensued. Of course. The middle of the night!
Men are sheep. The shower thing is flock behavior – can’t do a thing until the flock is doing it.
Oh lordy. I lost it on my husband last weekend after 2 straight weeks of me getting up at 7:30am with the kids each day, getting them fed, setting up activities for them, then eventually transitioning to the daily screen / movie time so I could finally log into work (late) at 10am …. and my husband would SLEEP IN every day until 10-11:30am. And then COMPLAIN TO EVERYONE ELSE about how impossible it was to get any work done with the kids around. MY FRIEND. YOU HAVE SEVERAL HOURS EVERY MORNING WHERE YOU COULD BE WORKING UNDISTURBED YET YOU ARE CHOOSING TO SLEEP. And to when you are allowing me to manage 100% of childcare until you deign to wake up. I’M SORRY SO MUCH NO.
MY FRIEND.
Sorry, Alice, that you had cause to lose it, but that discussion NEEDED TO BE HAD. Sending you a solidarity hug!
That was a good reason to lose it. FIST BUMP.
No sympathy for Paul lol. WTF?! I do sympathize regarding Rob’s middle-of-the-night shower signing. My daughter sings in the shower too, but thankfully it’s usually 11pm-ish. It’s kind of charming though, no? But also – why ya’ll showering so much? I’ve fallen into a “shower-after-I-workout” pattern, so every other day I guess. Everybody has their way during this new way of life; mine definitely doesn’t include getting-ready-for-the-day type of activities.
And Facebook… I never had an account, and so so glad about that!
We have a ten-day-old baby, and we have been splitting the night shifts – I take first shift, until 2-3 am, he takes over whenever she next cries after that and brings her back to me around 8-9 am. You will note that in order for this to work, the person on second shift (i.e., husband) needs to go to bed early in order to get a good chunk of sleep before second shift. Does my husband do this? No, no he does not. Last night he stayed up drinking and chatting with a friend on Zoom (which also meant he did not clean up the kitchen as he had solemnly promised he would), and then complained this morning that he was EXHAUSTED because he had been up with the baby since 5 am.
Also I feel like I can’t complain to most people about this because they say “oh my god, your husband gets up with the baby and lets you sleep, what a saint.” And it IS wonderful and I AM very grateful for the sleep…but also this is both our kid? And we both need sleep? So it doesn’t seem saintly but just what’s needed? Sigh.
A man getting up to take care of his own child is not a saint. He is meeting the bare minimum of fair behavior.
AMEN
Are you in the mood for advice? If yes, read after the gap.
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If he’s a night owl, can he take the first shift and you take the second? Maybe you’ve already tried that and it doesn’t work, but the baby’s 10 days old, so maybe you haven’t?
Haha, I love the advice gap! No, sadly, he is not a night owl, just stays up a bit later than is ideal (I would be going to bed at 8 pm if I were on second shift). We’re doing it this way because he sleeps super deeply for the first part of the night – easily sleeps through her screaming a foot away from him – but is much more wakeful in the early morning, whereas I’m the opposite. Anyway, this too shall pass!
On the one hand, I get where Paul is coming from. Who wants to ruin quiet hours in a busy house with shower time, which is a solo (ie. quiet) activity? But, yeah, my husband does stuff like this as well. He used to set up to work from home on the dining room table and yell at all of us to be quiet. (or even better, on the couch!) Are you kidding me sir? you need to figure this out on your own.
I miss the days when people would leave. sigh.
Gwen, I’m glad you figured out why Paul does not want to use his two hours for showering. I am sure you are right! He still should — or he should really wait until he could use some alone time and others are done — but your explanation makes sense. I used to have alone time before everyone woke up, and then one of the teenagers started waking up with me. Not to be with me, but for his own reasons. It was annoying.
And Swistle, is there ANY chance you could guess your old FB password based on typical old passwords? I just borrowed my son’s laptop which has my own sign in but I had not signed in since 2015. I was sure I did not know the password. I mean, I really didn’t. But I guessed and it worked. Of course, you may be better about changing your passwords than I am.
Sorry, cannot process shower thing, still stuck on book unpacking
Not shower relate but similar. H will take a call on his cell phone in the kitchen (which is in the middle of the house and the hub of activity) and then get pissed that everyone is not completely silent. I have on more than one occasion told him that he is free to leave the kitchen where everyone else is. He’s on a MOBILE PHONE. Mobile is IN THE NAME! Sigh.
Yes… mine used to get online to pay bills (in the dining/living room combo) immediately after dinner, when the children are running around making noise, as they do. He could wait one hour until they go to bed, but no. He demands silence to do this task, during (previously, before isolation) what was the only real time they had at home when I wasn’t yelling at them to hurry up!
My husband and I are both working at home full time. He seems to believe that he has exactly 0 kid responsibilities until after he logs off work at the end of the day.
Our kids are teenagers, so they don’t need as much supervision, but they still seem to need basic reminders, homework supervision, and screen time limits.
It would be nice if the other functioning adult in this household pulled his weight.
Signed,
wives of heterosexual men everywhere
P.S. I am already eating the Easter candy.
That’s my husband, but our kids are 8 and 11 and need way more. Still not babies, which would be so much harder, but they are annoying when we are around them all the time.
Paul. PAUL. Stop this. I also prefer to shower just before going somewhere, HOWEVER, having children and also now being at home has changed things. This happens. Adjust. How long does a shower take for a man? 5 minutes? He would still have 1 hour 55 minutes of quiet time, would be clean, and would avoid irritation. Win-Win-Win.
Other husbands in the comments: Also stop this.
I wondered the same thing-how long is this shower taking? I myself take a 5-8 minute shower. I think my husband has perfected the under 5 minute shower-and he takes his as soon as he gets up at 5:00 am. I hope all these husbands realize that this takes teamwork, everyone gives a little and gets a little.
DH took the kids out for a little recess time today to give everyone a break. Except he did it by flying his drone outside the window (which I think is really only fun for him) which makes the dog to TOTALLY PSYCHO. All while I was on the phone during a carefully timed conference call.
WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK, Mommy Attorney’s DH?
“Hi, how are you enjoying isolation with your loved ones?” Favorite line of all.
Paul, the solution is simple. Get up. Have a cup of coffee. Take a shower. Then go back to whatever it is you do during the time when everyone else is asleep.
I feel for you on the Rob thing – except, generally, I can sleep through anything.
My Husband, dear that he is, has decided to take TWO days off this week to keep me company while I work from home. Why?!
UGGGGGHHHHHHH I am glad you were mouthy to his face because PAUL. STOP. I can’t imagine what people with a multiplicity of children are doing. I am with three pretty considerate people in a good-sized house, so we are okay. My husband and daughter are keeping pretty normal hours and my son and I are going nocturnal. The dog is confused but happy.
These comments are gold! It turns out my husband’s job is essential (we were both surprised to learn this – he supports construction/real estate). And let’s just say, that is probably best for everyone based on alllllll the reasons given by others above :)
I am so furious with my partner I just can’t even deal right now.
We are both working from home. We have four kids schooling from home (from 5-15 years old). I am getting up in the early hours to work in the quiet house and then working when I can during the day and doing more at night (ie WORKING *ALL* OF THE TIME). My husband is getting up at his normal time and locking himself in his home office (I work at the dining table), only emerging to make coffee and happy jokes about how much easier the commute is now. He is perfectly content and spends his afternoons watching Netflix and chatting on the phone (“I CAN HEAR YOU, JOHN!!). I am tearing my hair out and absolutely exhausted with the food logistics and the kid logistics and the work logistics.
The worst bit is that when I ask him to do anything at all (like I don’t know, make the 5 year old a sandwich) he looks at me with the blank look of a man who is apparently unaware that children need feeding.
Solidarity Swistle, Solidarity.
Paul needs to find the sweet spot where he showers 1:30 to 1:45 minutes into his two hour morning routine. In my neck of the woods the neighbors are having workman (seen as a necessary business) over at 7:30am to jackhammer every day. No sleeping in here!
I wondered if you had stopped your almost-daily blogging because I hadn’t seen any Facebook notifications. Of course Facebook can be a bit here and there about letting you see all the posts from people you follow, so maybe it’s just that – but I decided to hop over here to check – and several posts I had missed!
So hopefully you get that Facebook problem fixed, but I’ll just check here daily instead, in case you don’t.
k
My friend sent me this meme and boy does it strike a chord with me these days:
“My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why Are You Doing It That Way?” and there are no winners.”
My husband and I have been playing this game for the past four weeks. You would think we would stop, but no.